Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (GO BACK) (Downloadable Text File)

Series: Amos and Andy
Show: Episode 2497
Date: Jan 12 1937

LORD & THOMAS INC. Radio Division

919 North Michigan Avenue -- Chicago, Ill.  Telephone SUPerior 4800

Advertiser: The Pepsodent Co.  Program Title: Amos 'n' Andy

Chicago Outlet: Red            Time: 6:00-6:15 P. M.

Date: Jan 12.                Day: Tuesday

Opening: (Palm Springs)

BILL HAY: The Pepsodent Co. brings you Amos 'n' Andy.



KADELL: Colds and flu are on the rampage! So much so that in one of our largest cities recently, policemen were stationed in all theatre lobbies to keep sniffers, sneezers, and coughers from spreading flu and pneumonia. The police had orders to clear lobbies of all crowds--to protect the public health.

Take warning! Start taking this precautionary measure against colds at once. Gargle daily with Pepsodent Antiseptic. It kills surface germs in 10 seconds and at the same time soothes sore throats resulting from the common cold. In fact, tests show that people who gargled regularly with Pepsodent Antiseptic had caught fewer colds -- and got rid of colds twice as fast. You, too, may expect these results. But don't wait. Start the Pepsodent Antiseptic habit in your home at once. Because Pepsodent kills germs, even when you dilute it with two parts of water, it lasts three times as long---makes your money go 3 times as far.  To help keep colds away, gargle with Pepsodent Antiseptic every day.

And here's Bill Hay.

(Palm Springs)

BILL HAY. (ad lib)


Tues. Jan. 12th 1937.

Correll and Gosden

No. 2497

Henry Van Porter and the Kingfish continue with their idea of promoting social events for the purpose of allowing some of the girls to become debutantes and join the ranks of society. Their plan is, of course, to make money by selling the person giving the party flowers, refreshments, and even renting clothes to men for the occasion. As the scene opens now we find the Kingfish and Andy at the lodge hall preparing for a party which will be given Saturday night for Andy's girl. Here they are:--

Andy---Well now, I is talked it over wid Flora, and she thinks it's a great idea dat she's goin' be a debutanty, or whuteveh dat thing is she goin' be.

King---Just think---dat me an' Henry is lettin' YO' gal be de first one.

Andy---Yeh, I told her dat, an' she likes de idea alright, an' de only otheh thing is, I got a new gal, yo' know, dat wants to be one too.

King---Well---we might have a double comin' out party, but ain't no use to kill two birds wid one stone 'less yo' gotta do it---we could have anotheh party later on fo' yo' new gal.


King---Now, whut did Flora say 'bout de EXpenses---she willin' to pay ev'vything in cash, ain't she?

Andy---Well, I got de stuff heah on a piece o' papeh an' I'll talk to yo' 'bout dat in a minute, but whut I wanna talk to yo' 'bout now is my own EXpense.

King---Well---I thought dat you kin pay half of de EXpense of de party, an' let Flora pay half, but course you ain't gotta do dat.

Andy---I ain't GOTTA do, an' I ain't GOIN' do it, cause I CANT do it---I flatteh dan a pancake now de way I is.

King---Well, she could pay de whole thing.

Andy---I told her to pay de whole thing.

King---Well, dat settles dat.

Andy---One otheh thing I wanna tell yo' 'fore we git into her payin'---you told me dat I ought to send her flowers fo' de party.

King---Yeh, we recussed dat alright.

Andy---De only trouble is, you told me dat I ought to send her some o' dem orchards, an' yo' told me dat fe flowehs cost six dollahs apiece.

King---Well, dat's de high class flower---if yo' wanna do de big thing, dat's de best flower you kin git her.

Andy---Well, I done found a fellow dat's got some papeh orchards fo' two bits--an' you say dem othehs don't last her but two hours---dese will last her fo' 5 years if she keep de dust off 'em.

King---Seems to me, dat a big social functure, like we is gonna have, paper flowers would be taboo.

Andy---Well, whut is tattoo gotta do wid it?

King---No, I didn't say tattoo---I says taboo.

Andy---Oh, dat's dat thing dat Henry was talkin' 'bout---de comin' out party.

King---No, dat's de DEE-boo.

Andy---Whut's de other one?


Andy---Ain't nobody said nuthin' 'bout TAT-too though huh?

King---No, ain't no use fo' you to git mixed up, so we'll fo'git about the thing I said about TA-boo.

Andy---Den we ain't goin' have de party.

King---Dat's de DEE-boo.

Andy---Yeh, well, let's git back to de papeh flowehs---I kin git me two papeh orchards fo' 35 cents, an' I could send her DEM.

King---Well, let's fo'git about dat part of de thing 'till I talk to Henry---course we is gotta have de room banked wid flowers an' ferns dat we buy from de Henry Van Porter Flower comp'ny.

Andy---Yeh, I know dat----but she pays fo' DEM flowehs herself, don't she?

King---Dat's right.


King---But de only thing is----dere is some rule dat dese flower comp'nies is got, dat when yo' have real flowers in de room, dey won't let yo' have paper flowers in de same room wid 'em----dat's 'gainst de rules.

Andy---Yeh--well, we'll talk to Henry 'bout de rules.

King---Now---yo' other expense is de clothes dat you is goin' rent from de Henry Van Porter Rent-a-Suit Comp'ny---you is gotta be right an' dressed right fo' de thing.


King---I mean by dat, you wanna have de right kind o' pants on--de right kind o' collar---de right kind o' coat---all dat stuff, an' Henry, bein' in SOciety hisself, knows whut people ought to wear.

Andy---Yeah. But how much is dat gonna cost me?

King---Dat's gonna cost yo'----well, de pants, I think, is two dollars.

Andy---I don't wanna buy no pants---I got a lot of 'em now.

King---Dat's de rent.

Andy---Fo' a pair o' pants????

King---Fo' a pair o' pants wid stripes in 'em.

Andy---Whut is dem stripes made out of---gold?

King---I kin tell yo' now brother Andy dat de coat's gonna cost yo' $3.50.

Andy---I know where I kin buy one fo' $3.00 dat's betteh.

King---Fo'git about de buyin'---you is rentin' dese.

Andy---Dat must be a gold coat too, ain't it?

King---Now course, Henry is gonna be fair about de Rent-a-Suit comp'ny, cause he's gonna throw in a collar fo' 25 cents, an' he's gonna throw in a necktie fo' a dollar.

Andy---I GOT a necktie---I got a red one, dat's new.

King---Yo' gotta have de right kind o' tie. Don't fo'git Andy, you is goin' in high society---you is gonna be nob-hobbin' around wid de Van DeTweezers, an' a lot o' other rich people.

Andy---Do dey pay dat much fo' de pants an' coat an' all?

King---Dese rich people all do de same thing----in other words, you is as good as dey is.

Andy---Well, dat put a diff'ent angle on it.

King---Yeh--yo' right---now you is talkin'. Now, it's one thing you don't have to worry 'bout.

Andy---Good---whut is it---I been worried 'bout ev'ything up to now--yo' know, I'm de worryin' type.

King---Yo' see, Henry Van Porter is gonna git all de young, good lookin' fellows to come to de party, an' dey rents dey're own suit, an' pays fo' dey're own suit, an' you don't have to pay fo' nuthin' dey wear----all you gotta do is feed 'em an' have music fo' dem to dance by.

Andy---Tell me dis---why is dese young, good-lookin' fellows comin' to de party?

King---Dey is comin' to meet yo' gal Flora.

Andy---Wait a minute---meet MY gal---I don't want her to meet a lot o' young good-lookin' fellows---I is a jealous man.

King---Wait a minute---in SOciety, things is diff'ent.

Andy---Dey ain't wid me---I git mad IN society, or out of it.

King---Well now listen---Flora--when she makes her deboo, dat signiflies dat she is ready to git married. Now, we bring in all dese young fellows to meet her---dat's part of de party.

Andy---Well, dey don't marry her, do dey?

King---Oh no brother Andy, yo' see, dey gotta have some fellows to dance wid de diff'ent gals.

Andy---Whut diff'ent gals?

King---Oh, we gonna have twenty or thirty good lookin' gals dere too.

Andy---Oh, you is huh?---dat put a diff'ent angle on ev'ything.

King---You wanna meet dese good-lookin' gals, don't yo'?

Andy---Sho'---maybe I'll fall in love.

King---Well, you is in love wid Flora.

Andy---Don't fo'git, I is de great loveh.

King---I know, but if I was you, I wouldn't fall in love till after de party is over, an' by de way, as soon as de party is over, dat means dat Flora is in society, an' Mrs. Henry Van Porter is gonna give her her first pair of long-nets.

Andy---Whut is dem?

King---It's dem glasses dat society people hold up on a stick an' look through.

Andy---Is Flora gonna git some o' dem?

King---Mrs. Van Porter gives her her first pair.

Andy---Wait till Amos sees me walkin' down de street in my Rent-a-Suit, wid Flora holdin' on to my arm wid one hand, an' holdin' up de long-nets to her face wid de otheh. He goin' be jealous alright.

King---Poor Amos.

Andy---(fading) Yeh---de way he goin', I feel worry fo' him, you know it.


ANNOUNCER:-- And now the scene changes to the filling station where we find Amos and Lightning.


Amos---Now listen Lightnin', while Brother Crawford is at home havin' his lunch, I thought I'd talk to yo' a minute.


Amos---I wanna talk to yo' 'bout Andy. Is he got a job yet?

Light--Nosah, Mr. Amos, he ain't workin'.

Amos---He's still livin' over wid you, ain't he?

Light--Yessah---he's livin' wid me, but on account o' my wife bein' over in Philadelphia, we ain't eatin' at home.

Amos---Well, dat's whut I wanted to ast yo'--where is Andy eatin'?

Light--He's eatin' here an' dere, an' diff'ent places like dat.

Amos---Yeh, well,---an' he ain't workin' huh?

Light--Nosah, Mr. Amos, he got some deal on wid de Kingfish an' Henry Van Porter, he say dat keeps him pretty busy, but he ain't workin' nowhere.

Amos---Well listen Lightnin', here's three dollars---when you see Andy tonight, don't tell him where you got dis, but give it to him---let him think day you is givin' it to him, so he'll have some money to eat wid----de fellow's gotta eat.


Amos---An' don't fo'git, don't tell him where it come from, will yo'?


Closing: (Palm Springs)

BILL HAY. And here is Carlton Kadell.


CARLTON KADELL. Nature is stingy---STINGY---at least when it comes to tooth enamel that guards over the health and beauty of your teeth. Beautiful tooth enamel once worn away is lost forever. So Be Safe! Choose your dentifrice with care. Be Safe!....switch to Pepsodent, the only toothpaste containing Irium. Yes, you can have complete confidence in Pepsodent for it alone is made with this sensational new ingredient that highly polishes teeth to flashing new luster and allure, safely...requires no soap, no chalk, no grit, no pumice. Its soft gentle action is sensational in the way it floats away film, swiftly, gently, without scrubbing or scraping. Is it any wonder that thousands everywhere are giving up old fashioned tooth pastes that never seemed to improve the looks of their teeth? Now that every tube of Pepsodent on sale contains Irium, you can buy it with utmost assurance that the days of disappointing dentifrices are gone forever!


(Palm Springs)

BILL HAY: Amos 'n' Andy in person will return to you tomorrow at this same hour. Bill Hay, speaking for the Pepsodent Co. bids you all good night.

SIGNOFF: This is the Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company.