OZZIE:

Harriet, did you know there are over 320,000 men in the National Guard today?

HARRIET:

No I didn't.

OZZIE:

And did you know that every one of those men reports to his unit for training at least once a week and receives pay for it?

HARRIET:

No I didn't.

OZZIE:

And that they now have an aviation branch called the Air National Guard?

HARRIET:

Did you know that dinner is ready and now it's time to go to work with our 1847 Rogers Brothers silverplate?

OZZIE:

No I didn't.

HARRIET:

And that America's finest silverplate is 1847 Rogers Brothers?

OZZIE:

That I did.

MUSIC:

THEME

ANNOUNCER:

America's finest silverplate is 1847 Rogers Brothers. From Hollywood, International Silver Company, makers of 1847 Rogers Brothers silverplate, presents The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, starring America's favorite young couple, Ozzie Nelson and Harriet Hilliard.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

ANNOUNCER:

Say, there's excitement in the air. A mysterious change has taken place in the vicinity of 1847 Rogers Road. Remember the friendly old elm tree in front of the house? Well, it doesn't look friendly any more.

SFX:

HOWLING WIND

With the full moon shining through it and on one of the bare branches is a big black owl.

MUSIC:

HAUNTING

And the old dependable weather vane on top of the garage - gee, it looks different now. I'm not sure if it's a weather vane or not the way the shadows fall. Could be a witch on a broomstick. (Pause) Oh, it's spooky out tonight. In the Nelson kitchen there's an atmosphere of feverish activity and excited preparations.

HARRIET:

What are you looking for, David?

DAVID:

We're trying to find some paper bags - big ones.

HARRIET:

Well look in the bottom drawer there.

SFX:

DRAWER OPENING

DAVID:

There, that's a good one, Ricky.

RICKY:

Yeah, but what will I do with the potatoes?

HARRIET:

No, not that drawer, Ricky. On the other side.

SFX:

DRAWER

OZZIE:

Say, what's going on out here?

DAVID:

We were getting some paper bags.

OZZIE:

Sounds like you were taking the kitchen apart.

RICKY:

Halloween! We're gonna have fun tonight, Pops.

OZZIE:

Well it looks plenty spooky out there to me.

HARRIET:

What do you have there, dear?

OZZIE:

Oh I was just rummaging around upstairs a bit and I thought the boys might make a costume out of these old work pants.

DAVID:

Gee, Pop, they're pretty dirty.

HARRIET:

Not only that, dear, they're covered with paint.

OZZIE:

Well, what do you expect, Harriet? I wore them when I painted the breakfast nook.

HARRIET:

I think you did a better job on the pants than you did on the breakfast nook.

OZZIE:

How about you, Ricky? Would you like to be a painter? We'll get you a white cap and stick a couple brushes in your belt.

RICKY:

Sorry, Pop. Those pants look awfully big.

OZZIE:

Well, let's see how they look on you. Here, step into them. Put your foot in there. That's it. Now the other foot. Now pull them up. Hmm.

HARRIET:

That's a wonderful costume. The Headless Painter.

DAVID:

Anyway, Pop, we don't need costumes. We got bags. That's enough.

OZZIE:

Well, suit yourself. We used to wear costumes when I was a kid.

RICKY:

That's just for little kids, Pop. Me and David are going trick or treat.

OZZIE:

Trick or treat?

RICKY:

Sure. We ring a guy's doorbell and say Trick or Treat and if he doesn't give us cookies or something, we let him have it.

HARRIET:

There you are, dear. That's Halloween, 1948.

OZZIE:

Sounds more like Chicago, 1925.

DAVID:

It's a lot of fun, Pop. Didn't you used to do that when you were a kid?

OZZIE:

No, David, as I remember we used to go in more for the real spirit of Halloween - you know, the spooky, scary stuff.

RICKY:

What do you mean, Pop?

OZZIE:

I mean we'd find some old haunted house and go prowling around looking for ghosts and stuff.

DAVID:

You sure were brave, Pop.

OZZIE:

Not necessarily, David.

RICKY:

Pop, did you ever see a ghost?

OZZIE:

I won't say I saw a ghost, but I will say I saw something.

RICKY:

A spook?

OZZIE:

I don't know. It was white and shimmering, indistinct. It wavered back and forth. Sometimes it was there, sometimes it wasn't there. White and shimmering.

RICKY:

Did they have television sets then, Pop?

OZZIE:

No, Ricky. This was right out in the center of the living room. I'm afraid Halloween's different nowadays. The wonderful old spooky, hobgoblin atmosphere. That's all changed now. Can't help feeling a little sad when you see the joys of your childhood disappearing in a changing world. Halloween just isn't exciting anymore.

RICKY:

Are you gonna cry, Pop?

OZZIE:

No, just the memories coming back...

DAVID:

You sure must have had fun, Pop. Do you really think there's such a thing as a ghost? A real ghost, I mean?

OZZIE:

Well, I don't know. A spooky old house with the moon shining through the broken shutters... I imagine you'd see some pretty strange things.

RICKY:

I'd sure like to see a ghost - boy would I run!

OZZIE:

Well there's the old McAdams house up on the hill. That's a pretty spooky looking place. I wouldn't be at all surprised if there were a ghost or two lurking around in there.

DAVID:

Do you think we could see one if we went up there, Pop?

OZZIE:

It's very possible.

HARRIET:

Oh, Ozzie. David, your father's just kidding.

OZZIE:

Oh, let the boys have a little fun, Harriet. After all, it's Halloween.

DAVID:

Come on, grab the bags, Ricky. (Leaving) We gotta get going.

RICKY:

(Leaving) Hey, wait for me.

SFX:

SCREEN DOOR SLAM.

OZZIE:

Don't you think a lot of the spirit of Halloween has been lost?

HARRIET:

Oh I don't know, dear. The kids seem to have a good time, that's the important thing.

OZZIE :

Oh, they pretend to enjoy it. But where's the fun? Trick or treat. Where's the adventure? Where's the danger in getting a handful of cookies from Mrs. Dunkle?

HARRIET:

You've never eaten Mrs. Dunkle's cookies.

OZZIE:

Have we had any callers yet?

HARRIET:

Oh, about a dozen of them. You should have seen little Julie Thornberry. She was all dressed up in one of Katherine's old dresses, and she had a stocking on her head.

OZZIE:

Really? I'm sorry I missed it.

HARRIET:

And little Georgie Dunkle. He had the cutest clown suit with skeletons sewed on it.

OZZIE:

We sure have some cute little kids in this neighborhood.

SFX:

DOORBELL

HARRIET:

I'll get it.

OZZIE:

Now wait a minute. Let me get it! I want to have some fun, too.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENING

OZZIE:

Yes?

MAN:

(rough voice) Trick or treat.

OZZIE:

(Flustered) Wait a minute. Aren't you a little big to be playing trick or treat?

MAN:

Trick or treat.

OZZIE:

How old are you?

MAN:

Fifty-three.

OZZIE:

Who ever heard of a grown man playing trick or treat?

MAN:

Well, my little boy's over on the next block. I'm just helping him out.

OZZIE:

You don't even have a costume.

MAN:

What do you think I am, a child? Come on, trick or treat.

OZZIE:

A little unusual, I'd say. What happens if I don't give you a treat?

MAN:

Well, I sneak back later and ring your doorbell.

OZZIE:

So what?

MAN:

And when you answer it, I punch you in the nose. Come on, trick or treat.

OZZIE:

Really funny. Here's some cookies.

MAN:

Only three?

OZZIE:

Well, they've got to go around. There are a other children, too, y'know.

MAN:

Okay. Hey, they're chocolate. My kid likes chocolate cookies. Thanks.

OZZIE:

Well, that's all right. How old is your little boy?

MAN:

(As he leaves) Twenty-five.

HARRIET:

Who was that?

OZZIE:

It was one of the kids in the neighborhood. One of the older kids.

HARRIET:

Would you do me a favor if you're not too busy?

OZZIE:

What is it?

HARRIET:

Could you run down to the store and get some candies or something? At the rate we're going we're gonna run out of stuff.

OZZIE:

Okay, hey what are you doing?

HARRIET:

Just putting a couple cookies in your pocket. In case you get stopped for trick or treat. Some of the boys get pretty rough.

OZZIE:

Oh, Harriet. Please. You don't think I'm afraid of a bunch of kids.

HARRIET:

Well, suit yourself. Last Halloween Joe Randolph bumped into the backfield of the high school football team and came home minus his trousers.

OZZIE:

No kidding. I understand they have a pretty good team this year.

HARRIET:

I want you to take these four cookies just in case.

OZZIE:

You better give me two more. The ends might be with them.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

OZZIE:

(Whistling)

THORNHILL:

Gotcha!

OZZIE:

(Startled.) Leggo! Oh, uh, don't tear my pants off! The cookies are in my pocket. Wonderful cookies. Very nice cookies.

THORNHILL:

What's this about cookies?

OZZIE:

Oh it's you, Thornhill. What a corny trick - hiding behind the hedge.

THORNHILL:

Oh just keeping in the spirit of Halloween. You should have seen what I did to Dunkle a little while ago. (Nasty cackle.)

OZZIE:

(Laughs with him.) Did you scare him? What did you do?

THORNHILL:

I sneaked up on his front porch, rang the doorbell and ran like the dickens. He didn't know what to think.

OZZIE:

(Laughs)

THORNHILL:

Then when he went back in the house, I sneaked around back and started rattling the back door. Boy, was he scared!

OZZIE:

What else did you do?

THORNHILL:

Well, I waited a few minutes, then I tapped on the window and moaned - like this - OoooooAhhhhhhhohhhhhhhh. I rattled the door some more and I moaned some more and I began pounding on the side of the house.

OZZIE:

And then what?

THORNHILL:

Then the police came. (WFL) That Dunkle just has no sense of humor.

OZZIE:

Did the police do anything to you?

THORNHILL:

No, just told me to stop annoying people. They took my soap away, too.

OZZIE:

You're just a big kid at heart, aren't you, Thorny?

THORNHILL:

It's all in fun, Oz. What's Halloween nowadays? Nothing happens. My boy Will's out playing Trick or Treat.

OZZIE:

David and Ricky, too. Somehow Halloween's sorta lost the old kick.

THORNHILL:

Yeah, it sure isn't like it was like when we were kids.

OZZIE:

There was an old haunted house in our town and every Halloween us kids used to go prowling through it. Really spooky.

THORNHILL :

Sure. That's the real spirit of Halloween.

OZZIE:

You take that old McAdams place up on Franklin Avenue. There's a perfect haunted house. If there was some way to sneak in there.

THORNHILL:

You mean you go in there at night?

OZZIE:

Why sure! Why not?

THORNHILL:

No reason. I just never cared for the looks of the place myself. All those grotesque chimneys, staring windows. Sort of gives me the creeps.

OZZIE:

Oh, Thorny. You're kidding.

THORNHILL:

No I'm not, Oz. There's something frightening about it. Specially at night.

OZZIE:

What an imagination. Well, I've got to get down the drugstore I promised I'd get Harriet some candy and stuff.

THORNHILL:

Okay, Oz. See you later.

OZZIE :

See you.

THORNHILL:

Oh, and when you go by the McAdams place, don't let the ghosts get you.

OZZIE:

Well that's right. I go right by there, don't I?

THORNHILL:

Yes sir. Not afraid, are you, Oz?

OZZIE:

(Laughs.) Thorny, cut it out. (Pause.) If you walk down the store with me, I'll buy you a soda.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

DAVID:

Hey Ma and Pa, we went over the McAdams place and we saw a ghost.

RICKY:

A real ghost!

DAVID:

A real ghost! A real ugly one! With sharp teeth and a long nose and pointed ears and hair all over his face.

RICKY:

At first we thought it was Pop.

OZZIE:

That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said about me.

DAVID:

I mean we thought it was you trying to scare us.

HARRIET:

Oh, boys, don't be silly.

OZZIE:

You guys probably saw the moon shining through the window and your imagination did the rest.

DAVID:

Okay, go up and see for yourself.

RICKY:

Yeah, why dontcha, Pop?

DAVID:

Yeah, why dontcha, Pop?

OZZIE:

Well, I'd be glad to, except I promised to take your mother to the movies.

HARRIET:

Since when?

OZZIE:

Well, that is I've been thinking about it all day. There's a wonderful triple Halloween show at the Bijou. "The Son of Frankensteen," "Dracula's Daughter" and "A Date with Judy."

HARRIET:

I wasn't counting on the movies, dear. In fact I'd much rather you go up and give us a report on the ghost.

OZZIE:

Oh, dear, it's so silly.

RICKY:

Go ahead, Pop, have some fun.

HARRIET:

Go ahead, dear.

OZZIE:

Well, okay, if it makes you happy, I'll go up and visit the haunted house.

RICKY and DAVID:

Attaboy Dad! Go get 'em! Hooray for Daddy.

DAVID:

I thought for a minute you were getting scared, Pop.

OZZIE:

Oh, David!

HARRIET:

Just remember this, boys. There's not a cowardly bone in your father's body. Of course every now and then the meat around 'em gets a little jumpy.

OZZIE:

(Laughs, but not joyfully.) The meat around 'em... (Laughs again. Stops.) What am I laughing at?

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

ANNOUNCER:

You hear about it over the back fence. You hear it on the bus. They talk about it in bridge clubs, and when they meet on Main Street. What is this topic of conversation? Why, just this: the four patterns created by 1847 Rogers Brothers are the loveliest in town. Yep, it's true: the four patterns created by 1847 Rogers Brothers are unexcelled. No other silverplate is designed with such imagination, such feeling for detail. And each of the 1847 patterns is designed with you in mind - designed to fit your tastes, your scheme of decoration, your dreams. If you like modern, dramatic things for example, the 1847 pattern for you is Eternally Yours. Eternally Yours is simple and sleek in line, and each piece is crowned with exquisite openwork - even the knives. That's a feature you'll find only in 1847 Rogers Brothers. And in every way Eternally Yours gives proof that the beautiful silverware that bears the earmark 1847 is the finest in America. So see it tomorrow - Eternally Yours, one of the four love patterns created by the one and only 1847 Rogers Brothers.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE, then change to spooky

ANNOUNCER:

Warning to all ghosts. Beware: Ozzie Nelson will get you if you don't watch out. Yes indeed, Ozzie Nelson, archenemy of all ghosts, goblins, spirits and similar supernatural phenomena, is on the march. His target for tonight:

MUSIC:

STING

ANNOUNCER:

The ghost that walks in the old McAdams house. See the courageous Ozzie as he strides firmly

SFX:

STEPS CONTINUES UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

across the porch at 1847 Rogers Road, chin up, flashlight swinging at his side, down the steps. Down the walk. And now he stops.

SOUND:

STEPS OUT

ANNOUNCER:

Every muscle tense, eyes alert. Nose twitching. A white, filmy object moves out of the darkness.

OZZIE:

Who's there?

EMMY LOU:

It's me, Mr Nelson.

OZZIE:

Oh hello Emmy Lou.

EMMY LOU:

I came over to show you my Halloween costume. I'm going to a party. Where are you going, Mr. Nelson?

OZZIE:

Oh, I'm on an errand for the boys. They went up to the old McAdams house tonight and they think they saw a ghost.

EMMY LOU:

Really, Mr. Nelson?

OZZIE:

Yeah, and you know, I'm going up there to prove to them it was just their imaginations.

EMMY LOU:

You're going in the spooky old house tonight all alone?

OZZIE:

Of course.

EMMY LOU:

Evidently you haven't heard the story about the McAdams place.

OZZIE:

I've heard some silly rumor it's supposed to be haunted or something.

EMMY LOU:

But it is, Mr. Nelson! I heard the whole story from the people who live next door. The story goes that years ago in Scotland, in the old Haggard Castle, the young and beautiful Lady Jane McAdams had a quarrel with her lover, Douglas McDingle McCampbell McTavish. (Pause) A Scotchman.

OZZIE:

Yes, of course.

EMMY LOU: Well, anyway Lady Jane pushed her lover, Douglas McDingle McCampbell McTavish, down the stairs. Down down down he went, his head banging on each stone step. Thump thump crunch crunch, as the bagpipes were mournfully playing, "The Campbells Are Coming."

As he lay at the bottom of the staircase dying, Douglas McDingle McCampbell McTavish or as they called him, Mac - as he lay there at the bottom of the staircase, he took an oath.

OZZIE: I'd swear a little myself.

EMMY LOU:

He took an oath that he would follow Lady Jane wherever she went. His spirit would always haunt her.

OZZIE:

Where did she go?

EMMY LOU:

She came here to the United States and built the old McAdams place. And they say that on nights with a full moon - like tonight - the giant ghost of Mac McTavish returns. And while the eerie notes of the bagpipes ring in the night air, he prowls the house in search of Lady Jane. Eeee...

OZZIE:

(Scared S***less) Ah de ah do a dah. (Recovers) Ah, it makes a good story but no one in his right mind would believe it.

EMMY LOU:

Well, you believe it, don't you, Mr. Nelson.

OZZIE:

(Stammering, confused) Well, yes, uh, but I'm not, uh.. (Recovers.) Ah, it's just a lot of nonsense.

EMMY LOU: Okay, Mr. Nelson, remember if you go up there and see the ghost and get a terrible fright, and drop dead, don't come around saying I didn't warn you.

(As she runs away) Happy Halloween!

MUSIC: BRIDGE

OZZIE:

Harriet, oh Harriet.

HARRIET:

Oh hello, dear. You back so soon?

OZZIE:

No, I haven't gone yet. As a matter of fact, I've been thinking this whole thing over and I don't think I'll go. This whole idea sounds sort of childish.

HARRIET:

What about the boys, dear? You promised them.

OZZIE:

(Stammering) I know, but isn't it silly for a full grown man, uh, it's only a wild ghost cha..., I mean wild goose chase. .. I mean, that's all it is.

HARRIET:

Well if you'd like, dear, I'll go with you.

OZZIE:

...And the boys... What did you say?

HARRIET:

I said I'll go with you.

OZZIE:

(Bold) There are times, Harriet, when a man likes to be alone.

HARRIET:

Well, all right, dear.

OZZIE:

Get your coat. This isn't one of those times.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE, SHIFT TO SPOOKY

SOUND NIGHTTIME--CRICKETS. CONTINUES UNDER.

OZZIE:

(whispering) Don't get nervous, now, dear. Just keep cool.

HARRIET:

Oh, I'm cool, all right. Matter of fact I'm shivering a little.

OZZIE:

Just hold my hand good and tight.

HARRIET:

I can't. You're squeezing mine so hard my fingers are asleep.

OZZIE:

Sorry. Better?

HARRIET:

Better. How do we get through this iron fence?

OZZIE:

There's a gate here someplace. Probably be bolted and spoil all our fun. Usually have a huge lock, and big chains...Here we are... (Disappointed) Oh.

HARRIET:

Locked?

OZZIE:

(More disappointed.) No.

HARRIET:

Push it open.

OZZIE:

Would you take the flashlight for a second? (Pause.) Thanks. And the baseball bat, too.

SOUND GATE CREAKS OPEN.

HARRIET:

OOoh, Doesn't that place look weird?

OZZIE:

Yes, it is pretty spooky, in fact. Shall I sing something to keep your nerve up?

HARRIET:

If you want to, dear.

OZZIE:

It'll keep your from getting scared. (Softly sings) Did you ever think, as the hearse goes by, someday you are going to die? (Louder) There's a spook in the meadow...

HARRIET:

Dear, shhhh. Shhh. You might frighten the ghosts.

SOUND SQUEAKING DOOR.

HARRIET:

Must be a haunted house. The door squeaks.

OZZIE:

(Whispering) I don't know why you insisted on coming along. I could have done this just as easily myself.

HARRIET:

Ozzie. Something has a hold of my coat.

OZZIE:

Yeah. That's me. Wait! Who closed that door?

HARRIET:

Didn't you?

OZZIE:

No.

HARRIET:

Must have been the wind. Gee, this place sure looks creepy with the moon streaming through the windows.

SOUND RATTLE OF CHAINS

HARRIET:

What was that?

OZZIE:

Now, now, don't be frightened. I'm right beside you.

SOUND FOOTSTEPS.

HARRIET:

Ozzie, there's something in this room. It's coming toward us!

OZZIE:

It's getting closer! Harriet, quick, my baseball bat!

THORNY:

Hey Oz, be careful with that thing! Hello, Harriet, Hi, Oz.

OZZIE:

You old trickster, Thorny!

THORNY:

Just having a little fun with all the talk that's been going around about this place.

OZZIE:

So you're the ghost David and Ricky saw. (Laughs.) I should have guessed by the description.

HARRIET:

(Laughs.)

OZZIE:

Should have a bagpipe, though, Thorny.

THORNY:

Bagpipe?

OZZIE:

Why sure. Haven't you heard? This place is supposed to be haunted by a Scotch ghost who plays the bagpipe. And each night he comes down the stairs...

BAGPIPE MUSIC

OZZIE:

Well, you do have one, Thorny. Where is it? (Laughs) Boy, you sure play awful.

THORNY:

Worse than you think. I don't play at all.

OZZIE:

But I can hear a bagpipe. Listen! I can hear it plain as day.

HARRIET:

Ozzie. Up there, at the head of the stairs...

OZZIE:

The ghost! The ghost of Lord McTavish! Well, we've seen it. Let's go.

THORNY:

Let's just keep calm about it. Keep quiet. Ouch! Ozzie, the door won't open! I keep turning the handle and it won't open!

OZZIE:

(With pinched nostrils) Stop it, Thorny, you've got hold of my nose!

HARRIET:

This way, boys! Thorny, the door's over here!

THORNY:

Follow me! I'll go through or I'll make one of my own.

MUSIC:

SCOTTISH BRIDGE

HARRIET:

More coffee, dear?

SOUND COFFEE CUP.

OZZIE:

No thanks. (Pause) I can't understand it. There must be some scientific explanation. Did I seem very scared out there?

HARRIET:

Not, not especially.

OZZIE:

I mean, did I act in any way that might give anyone the impression that this, uh, illusion that we saw frightened me?

HARRIET:

No, you were very levelheaded about it. Of course it was the first time I've ever seen you jump a seven-foot fence.

OZZIE:

I didn't think I could fool you. That thing, whatever it was, scared the, the daylights out of me.

HARRIET:

I was plenty scared myself. I can't figure out those bagpipes...

OZZIE:

What about the ghost?

HARRIET:

Yes, of course, the ghost, too.

OZZIE:

Harriet, what are you stuffing behind the sofa pillow?

HARRIET:

Nothing, dear, just some old papers and things.

OZZIE:

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

HARRIET:

It's only an old sheet.

OZZIE:

You'll get the couch dirty. It's got cobwebs...Cobwebs!

HARRIET:

How about a little more coffee?

OZZIE:

And there's Ricky's baseball bat, the one I left... Harriet, if you'd like to make a little confession, I'll listen. But if you'd rather not, I'd rather you would.

HARRIET:

All right, dear. It's just that they boys and I thought it would be nice if you could have a little fun on Halloween. You told them how much you enjoyed going to some haunted house. So we thought that if we could sort of...

BAGPIPES CONTINUE UNDER

HARRIET:

Ozzie, listen.

OZZIE:

I'm listening. Go on.

HARRIET:

The bagpipes!

OZZIE:

Yeah!

HARRIET:

I hear the bagpipes again!

OZZIE:

So do I!

DAVID:

Hey, Pop, can we have a dime?

OZZIE:

Boys, do you hear those bagpipes playing?

RICKY:

Sure, that's who we want the dime for. He's out front now.

OZZIE:

Who's out front now?

DAVID:

Mr. Campbell, the man with the Scotch Plaid ice cream truck.

OZZIE:

The Scotch Plaid ice cream truck?

RICKY:

Sure, haven't you ever seen him? Can we have a dime, Pop?

OZZIE:

Dime? Here, here's fifty cents. Stuff yourselves!

RICKY:

Thanks, Pop!

DAVID:

Oh, boy!

OZZIE:

How about that? The bagpipes we heard at the McAdams place were from the Scotch plaid ice cream truck!

HARRIET:

(Laughs.) What a coincidence!

OZZIE:

How remarkable! (Laughs) See, the Scotch Plaid Ice Cream truck happened to stop there. (Serious) There are no other houses around, and nobody lives there, but he happened to stop there. Played a different tune up there, too, didn't he?

HARRIET:

I don't remember.

OZZIE:

Harriet, believe me. It was only the Scotch Plaid Ice Cream truck.

HARRIET:

Yes, I know, dear.

OZZIE:

(Laughs) I'll say it just once more: the bagpipes we heard at the McAdams place were from the Scotch Plaid Ice Cream truck.

HARRIET:

Okay, dear, you've convinced me.

OZZIE:

I wish I could convince myself. I'd like to get some sleep tonight.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

THEME

ANNOUNCER:

Ozzie and Harriet will be back in just a moment. Well, I don't know how you feel about it, but I kind of hope the music didn't come from the Scotch Plaid Ice Cream truck. 'Cause that's the way Halloween oughta be - lots of mysterious tapping at every window, witches riding through the air, spirits in every tree.

WOMAN:

I've already had a message from the Halloween spirits, Mr. Smith. Last night on my way down Rogers Road, a voice suddenly spoke to me out of nowhere.

ANNOUNCER:

Honest? What did it say?

WOMAN:

Beware. (Haunting voice) If you don't give us a special treat on Halloween we'll spirit your new 1847 Rogers Silverware away from you. Beware.

ANNOUNCER:

Now there's a smart ghost if there ever was one.

WOMAN:

You mean I have a smart son if there ever was one. He hasn't heard me raving about my new 1847 Rogers Brothers for nothing.

ANNOUNCER:

Ohh. Nobody raves about 1847 Rogers Brothers for nothing. There are all kinds of good reasons for getting excited about it. 1847 is the finest silverplate in America, you know. No other silverplate in the world can match its beautiful features. Features like the exceptional height and depth of the pattern ornament. And the extra luster, perfect weight and balance of each. Those are the features that make 1847 Rogers Brothes more like solid silver.

WOMAN:

And don't forget the price of 1847 Rogers Brothers, Mr. Smith.

ANNOUNCER:

Oh, impossible to forget that. Because it's so unusual. 1847 prices haven't gone up since 1945. Not a single penny. So, no matter how you look at it, 1847 Rogers Brothers is the silverware you want for your home. It's the best, the finest silverplate in America. Famous 1847 Rogers Brothers.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

HARRIET:

Ah, come on, dear. Put out the light. Let's go to sleep.

OZZIE:

In a few minutes, Harriet. I just want to finish this article - "Debunking the Spook."

HARRIET:

"Debunking the Spook"?

OZZIE:

Yeah, the man who wrote it spent a night in a house that was supposed to be haunted.

(Reading) As I sat there in the darkness, I could hear the clock in the village striking twelve. Now is the witching hour. If ever the dead live, now's the time they must rise from the grave. I stood up and dared the ghost to appear. I said, "If you are a ghost, I dare you to strike me dead." (Pause) (Own voice) (Chuckles.) Silly article.

HARRIET:

What happened next?

OZZIE:

Well, then, let's see... He goes on to...

HARRIET:

Yes?

OZZIE:

The article ends right there.

HARRIET:

Oh come on dear, I'm tired. I want to go to sleep.

OZZIE:

You know what might be fun? Let's sleep with the lights on tonight.

MUSIC:

THEME CONTINUES UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

Be sure to tune in to another adventure of Ozzie and Harriet next week.

HARRIET:

And remember, America's finest silverplate is 1847 Rogers Brothers.

OZZIE:

Yes, America's finest silverplate is 1847 Rogers Brothers.

ANNOUNCER:

Music by John McConnell. This program originates in the Franklin studios of the Franklin Barrow Civic Theatre broadcasting corporation.

MUSIC:

OUT

OZZIE:

(asleep, snoring, mumbling) Mmm, ummm, the Campbells are coming! Oh, it's Lord McTavish! (Continues throughout)

HARRIET:

Ozzie! Ozzie, wake up!

OZZIE:

This is the ghost

DAVID:

Mom, what's the racket?

HARRIET:

Daddy's having a nightmare.

RICKY:

Is that what he's doing? That noise really scared us.

HARRIET:

It frightened me, too.

OZZIE:

(Wide awake.) Okay. Now we're even.

MUSIC:

THEME AND OUT