SALLY:

Cecil... (GIGGLE) Let's go in the kitchen and make some fudge.

CECIL:

(PETULANT) I don't want any fudge.

SALLY:

Oh, come on. There's nobody home. We can mess up the kitchen.

CECIL:

I don't want any.

SALLY:

You don't want any fudge???

CECIL:

No.

SALLY:

With walnuts in it?

CECIL:

No.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil, you're sick.

CECIL:

Aw, I am NOT sick.

SALLY:

Well, you must be. That's the first time you ever refused candy.

CECIL:

Well, a person has to change once in a while.

SALLY:

Only once every seven years. What's the matter, Cecil? Don't you feel so good?

CECIL:

I don't like that. Just because, for once, I don't want somethin' to eat, you think I'm sick. That's a hot way to treat anyone.

SALLY:

Well, it's the truth. That is, most of the time, you jump at the chance.

CECIL:

Food. Ha! You'd think it's important. Pooh! It's nothing to me. I don't care whether I ever eat again or not.

SALLY:

Cecil, you ARE sick!

CECIL:

Aw, I am not!

SALLY:

Well, something is wrong.

CECIL:

Well, I'm not sick.

SALLY:

Well, what's wrong?

CECIL:

Well... I've got a... See? Look. (POINTING TO ONE OF HIS TEETH)

SALLY:

(LOOKS AT IT) Oh, Cecil. It's a tooth. Well, what's the matter with it?

CECIL:

It's loose. Can't you see it wiggle?

SALLY:

Oh. How did it get loose, Cecil?

CECIL:

I don't know. I just woke up this morning, and it was loose.

SALLY:

Oh. You better go to a dentist, and have him pull it.

CECIL:

Huh! Not on your life, I won't.

SALLY:

Why, Cecil? The dentist won't hurt you.

CECIL:

(BITTER CHUCKLE) Yeah, I've heard that before. He'll tell you, "Now, this won't hurt you at all. You won't feel it." And then, HOOEY! You'll think you've grabbed hold of a million volts of electricity. I know.

SALLY:

Well, it wouldn't kill you.

CECIL:

Well, I don't know about that. I might die of heart failure.

SALLY:

Goodness. Are you afraid of a dentist?

CECIL:

Yes I am. And I'm not ashamed of it.

SALLY:

Well, you SHOULD be, you big baby.

CECIL:

Go ahead. Rib me. I don't care.

SALLY:

(GIGGLES) Here, let me see that tooth, Cecil. Oh, goodness, open your mouth wide.

CECIL:

What do you wanna do, explore? All right. (OPENS MOUTH) There.

SALLY:

Which one is it?

CECIL:

(MOUTH WIDE OPEN) It's this one, right here.

SALLY:

What are you saying?

CECIL:

(MOUTH WIDE OPEN) It's this one here.

SALLY:

Why, Cecil! It's so loose, it'll fall out.

CECIL:

Yeah. That's what I'm waiting for.

SALLY:

Doesn't it bother you?

CECIL:

Mm... no. I keep playing with it with my tongue.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil, you better go to a dentist, and have him pull it out. He can do it with his fingers.

CECIL:

Well, he's not gonna get the chance.

SALLY:

I wouldn't be such a coward.

CECIL:

You don't have to be. No one asked you.

SALLY:

It's liable to fall out when you're asleep, and then you'll swallow it.

CECIL:

That's all right. I might. Gee, I wish it WOULD fall out.

SALLY:

Cecil... You're not afraid of ME, are you?

CECIL:

No. Why should I be?

SALLY:

Well, let me get it between my fingers, and yank it out. It won't hurt you.

CECIL:

Oh, it WON'T? Don't YOU start that!

SALLY:

Well, goodness, work up your courage, and get it out yourself.

CECIL:

(BEAT) If I swallowed it... d'you think it would hurt me?

SALLY:

Cecil, lots of people DIE when they swallow teeth.

CECIL:

Honest???

SALLY:

Oh, I wouldn't fool you, Cecil. It's too serious.

CECIL:

Aw, no. You just wanna get a chance to scare me.

SALLY:

Well, you pull it out yourself. You better, now.

CECIL:

(BEAT. MISERABLY) All right. Oh, golly...

SALLY:

Go ahead. Now, don't hesitate. If you do, you're lost.

CECIL:

Well, don't watch me. I'll pull it.

SALLY:

All right. I'll count three for you.

CECIL:

W-well, wait a minute. Oh, darn... (STEELS HIMSELF) All right.

SALLY:

One... two... three! (HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING) Oh, Cecil! Why didn't you pull it?

CECIL:

You counted too fast.

SALLY:

Well, I'll count over again. (SLOWLY) One... two... th-ree!

CECIL:

(BEAT) Aw, I can't, Sally. I get all set to, and take a deep breath, and then... I don't.

SALLY:

Well, close your eyes, and make up your mind to pull when I say, "Three".

CECIL:

Gee, it's awful loose. See? (WIGGLES TOOTH) I can push it way over with my tongue.

SALLY:

Oh, it'll come right out all right. Now, get ready, set... One... two... th-ree! (FRUSTRATED) Oh! One... two... th-ree! Oh, Cecil! What's the matter?

CECIL:

I think I'll let it fall out.

SALLY:

Then you'll swallow it, and get blood poison.

CECIL:

I don't care. I can't do it.

SALLY:

Goodness, what a coward you are. Well, then, will you let ME do it?

CECIL:

Huh! I should say not!

SALLY:

All right, then, suffer.

CECIL:

I don't suffer. Can't even feel it, hardly. 'Cept it bothers me.

SALLY:

(HAS AN IDEA) Oh, Cecil, I know! (GIGGLES)

CECIL:

You know WHAT?

SALLY:

Well, this is something that Uncle Thomas made me do when I was a little girl.

CECIL:

Yeah. About a year ago.

SALLY:

Now, don't be smart. Will you do it?

CECIL:

I wanna know what it is, first.

SALLY:

Well, it's simple.

CECIL:

If you thought of it, it must be.

SALLY:

Well, you won't pull that tooth out by yourself, and you won't let me do it.

CECIL:

I won't, you KNOW!

SALLY:

Well, this way, we can yank it out without anyone doing it.

CECIL:

What are you gonna do? Call in a ghost?

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) No. Oh, Cecil, you'll just love this plan! Come on in the kitchen.

CECIL:

I don't wanna make any fudge.

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Well, that's not what we're going in the kitchen for.

CECIL:

If you're going in after a pair of pliers...you're wasting your time.

SALLY:

No. I wanna get some string.

CECIL:

(SUSPICIOUS) What do you want with string?

SALLY:

Well... (GIGGLE) We'll do this, Cecil. You'll like it. It's easy. We'll tie a piece of string around the tooth, and then you stand by the door, and we'll tie the other end of the string on the doorknob. And I'll get on the other side of the door, and suddenly pull it shut. See?

CECIL:

Yeah. And jerk me off my feet by the neck. Huh! No, thank you.

SALLY:

No, Cecil, it's easy. I've done it. It happens so suddenly, you don't know it.

CECIL:

Oh, you've done it before? So, at last I've found out what's wrong with you. You were jerked around by your neck when you were a kid.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil. (GIGGLE) It's easy. See? You don't have to bother about getting up your courage. You don't even know when it's going to happen.

CECIL:

Oh, gosh... All right. I'll try it. But suppose the tooth doesn't come out?

SALLY:

I'm only afraid it'll fall out when you tie the string on it, and spoil the fun.

CECIL:

Oh, spoil the fun, huh? So, you're enjoying this?

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Sure. Aren't you?

CECIL:

No.

SALLY:

Well, here's some string. Now, tie this good and strong.

CECIL:

I don't want it TOO strong. Here, gimme. (TAKES STRING)

SALLY:

Tie it around the tooth.

CECIL:

(MOUTH WIDE OPEN, AS HE TIES STRING ON TOOTH) All right, I'm tying it.

SALLY:

Good and tight, now.

CECIL:

Who's doing this, anyhow?

SALLY:

Here, let me help you. You wanna be sure and tie it tight.

CECIL:

Get outta the light, willya?

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) All right. Go ahead, then. You won't let anyone help you.

CECIL:

(MOUTH WIDE OPEN, TYING STRING ON TOOTH) Oh, this'll be all right. Here, I'm tying it up, right here. (NORMAL SPEECH) All right. There.

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Aw, Cecil, don't act so nervous. This is child's play.

CECIL:

(SHUDDERING) Yeah. For YOU. You don't know how it feels to have a string leading out of your mouth, all tied up like a, like a cow.

SALLY:

Well, don't act like a MULE. Come on over to the door, Cecil.

CECIL:

Ye gods, you don't have to be in such a hurry, do you? There's no rush.

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Here. Give me the other end. I'll tie it to the door-handle. (SHE DOES) There. Now.

CECIL:

Did you tie it good and tight?

SALLY:

Oh, yes! Six knots.

CECIL:

Yeah, you would. Now, wait. Uh, let's wait a while before we start.

SALLY:

No, let's get it over with. Now, you stand right there, and close your eyes.

CECIL:

(BEAT) Hey, I don't think I wanna do this, Sally.

SALLY:

Oh, come on, Cecil. Don't back out now. It's too late.

CECIL:

Well, stop acting like you're enjoying it.

SALLY:

Now, stand right there, and keep your mouth open.

CECIL:

(MOUTH WIDE OPEN) Like this?

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Yes, like that. Now. I'll get on the other side of the door, and suddenly pull it closed, and then, you'll be on the other side, and your tooth will be out. (GIGGLE)

CECIL:

All right. Go on in the other room.

SALLY:

All right. All right, now remember... take up all the slack on the string...

CECIL:

Wait, now, wait! Wait.

SALLY:

All right. I'll wait just a minute. Now, tell me when you're ready.

CECIL:

(MOUTH OPEN) All right. I'll tell you. Uh... All right. I'm ready now. You can yank it shut now.

SALLY:

All right. I'm not gonna tell you when. (GIGGLE)

SFX:

PAUSE ... DOOR SLAM