ANNOUNCER:

Lux presents Hollywood!

MUSIC:

LUX THEME ... THEN IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

The Lux Radio Theatre brings you Cary Grant, Claude Rains, Evelyn Keyes, and James Gleason in "Here Comes Mr. Jordan." Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille!

MUSIC:

THEME ... UP AND OUT

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

HOST:

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. One evening after dinner, the family and I settled down in our most comfortable chairs to see a motion picture at home. None of us stayed settled long. The picture was Columbia's "Here Comes Mr. Jordan," and from myself down to the youngest grandchild, it kept us all on the edge of our chairs, following the peculiar career of a prizefighter named Joe Pendleton who was killed in the first scene, yet lived to get the girl at the end -- the neatest trick of the year. A slight error of destiny takes the hero through adventures that make Christopher Columbus, Marco Polo, and Magellan look like stay-at-homes. You see, Joe gets killed, but he is not dead -- and thereby hangs one of the most curious picture stories of the year. So here comes Mr. Jordan and here comes Cary Grant -- and, from the original screen cast, Claude Rains, Evelyn Keyes, and James Gleason.

Whenever a producer announces a new picture, he's immediately deluged with applications from hundreds of ambitious young ladies -- some of them with real talent -- who want to become motion picture stars. It took me weeks to examine all the applications that came in when I announced "Reap the Wild Wind." But it was very gratifying to learn how many of these girls were boosters for Lux Toilet Soap. One of tonight's stars, a Lux girl herself, Evelyn Keyes, made her screen debut several years ago in one of my pictures. Perhaps you'd like to hear what it was in her screen test that caught my attention. It was her completely natural beauty. She was talented, of course, and her voice was very good. But more than anything else, that fragile blonde beauty, and the lovely complexion that goes with it, dominated the screen. So my advice to the would-be stars of tomorrow is this: Keep your beauty natural. And, naturally, Lux Toilet Soap can give you a lot of help there.

Now the rising curtain brings "Here Comes Mr. Jordan," starring Cary Grant as Joe, Claude Rains as Mr. Jordan, Evelyn Keyes as Bette, and James Gleason as Max.

MUSIC:

PASTORAL INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND HOST--

HOST:

Here are the Adirondack Mountains. Here are the murmuring pines, the leafy glades. Here are the cool bubbling streams. And here in this mountain paradise are two prizefighters trying to knock each other's brains out. They're sparring away in the training ring. The one in the blue trunks is Joe Pendleton, contender for the championship of the world. And that man at the ringside in the battered derby is his trainer Max Corkle.

SOUND:

DURING ABOVE, FADE IN SPARRING MATCH ... MANY RAPID PUNCHES TRADED ... UP FOR A MOMENT, THEN OUT WITH--

MAX:

Okay, Joe, that's enough. Cut it out. Inside for a rubdown.

JOE:

(EXHALES) Oh, come on, Maxie. I only had five rounds. Can't I have a couple more?

MAX:

You heard me. I said that's enough now. Save some of that for Murdock.

JOE:

Hey, how'd I look, Maxie?

MAX:

Just fair. Not enough speed.

JOE:

(PLAYFUL) Go on, I'm in the pink! Break down, Maxie -- who's your favorite fighter?

MAX:

Stop your clownin'. Look, Joe, I decided to finish trainin' in New York, so we'll break camp right after lunch.

JOE:

Yeah? Oh, that's great. Then I can fly myself down this afternoon, huh?

MAX:

Aw, listen, Joe, do me a favor, will ya? Leave that plane of yours up here and take the train down. Will you do that?

JOE:

Aw, what can happen to me when I got the lucky saxophone along? Hey, where is it? Where's my sax?

PAL:

Oh, here it is, Joe.

SOUND:

SAXOPHONE HANDED OVER

JOE:

Oh, thanks, pal.

MAX:

Joe, I don't like this flyin' business. The way we're set now, within two weeks of the greatest fight of your life, and on our way to the championship, why take chances?

JOE:

Oh, yeah? Fine thing. Me, known as the Flying Pug. The papers will all say, "Flying Pug takes train." Fine thing.

MAX:

Aw, Joe--

JOE:

I'll meet you in New York at the gym tomorrow. (PLAYFUL) Hm! Hey, Maxie, how about a little of your favorite tune, huh?

MAX:

Oh, not now, Joe, I, er--

MUSIC:

SAXOPHONE PLAYS OFF-KEY "SWANEE RIVER" ... CONTINUES IN BG

MAX:

Aw, Joe, cut it, will ya? This is serious. Joe-- That's awful! Will ya please lay off? Will ya lay off?

SOUND:

SCENE FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SCENE FADES IN ... FLYING AIRPLANE INTERIOR

MUSIC:

SAXOPHONE CONTINUES OFF-KEY "SWANEE RIVER" ... OUT WITH--

SOUND:

AIRPLANE ENGINE SPUTTERS ... THEN IN BG

JOE:

Hey! What goes on? What's the matter with this--?

SOUND:

AIRPLANE ENGINE CUTS OUT ... PLANE GOES INTO DIVE ... CONTINUES IN BG

JOE:

Hey! What the--?! What--?! (TENSE) Hey, come on, baby, straighten out. Don't give me that stuff. Hey! Hey! Come on, come on, baby.

SOUND:

DIVING PLANE TOPS JOE ... THEN PLANE CRASHES!

MUSIC:

BIG ACCENT! ... THEN OTHERWORLDLY, IN BG

SOUND:

SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES

JOE:

Listen, what goes on?! Where am I?! That's all I want to know! Where am I?!

MESSENGER:

(ANNOYED) Now, I've explained all that.

JOE:

Aw, you explained nothing. What am I doing here? A couple of minutes ago I was flying over New Jersey!

MESSENGER:

Well, you aren't in New Jersey now, Mr. Pendleton. Your plane crashed.

JOE:

Now, listen, if I ain't in New Jersey, where am I?! And who are you?!

MESSENGER:

I am Messenger Number Seven-Oh-One-Three. My mission is to take care of all dead persons in my territory.

JOE:

Hm? Dead? Who's dead?

MESSENGER:

You are, Mr. Pendleton.

JOE:

Aw, you're screwy. I never felt better in my life. I'm in the pink! How can I be dead?

MESSENGER:

Mr. Pendleton, look around you. Does this look like the Earth?

JOE:

All I can see is a lot of clouds.

MESSENGER:

Have you ever walked on clouds before?

JOE:

No, and furthermore I don't like it, so get me out of here!

MESSENGER:

Oh, no. No, no. We can't leave just yet, Mr. Pendleton. You see, this is the halfway point, the stopover for new arrivals from the world.

JOE:

Aw, listen, you don't make any sense at all. You must be a little cracked. I'm due in New York. I got to get there. Where can I find a taxi?

MESSENGER:

There are no taxis here, as you can see, sir.

JOE:

Hey-- Hey, who are all those people over there?

MESSENGER:

Oh, the new arrivals, sir. They're waiting to be checked off the list.

JOE:

Oh, yeah? Well, I hope they ain't all as screwy as you. (MOVING OFF) I'll find out about this thing.

MESSENGER:

Oh, Mr. Pendleton, come back here!

SOUND:

SCENE FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SCENE FADES IN ... SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES

JORDAN:

Any more arrivals?

2ND MESSENGER:

Yes, sir. Messenger Four-Two-Four reporting, sir. Nine passengers.

JORDAN:

Check their names against this list and then proceed.

2ND MESSENGER:

Yes, sir.

JOE:

Hey, who's in charge around here?! Where's the boss?!

MESSENGER:

Oh, Mr. Pendleton, will you stop this commotion?

JORDAN:

What's the trouble?

MESSENGER:

Oh! Oh, uh, Messenger Seven-Oh-One-Three reporting, sir. No trouble at all.

JOE:

No, there's no trouble yet, but there's gonna be! Are you the boss here?!

MESSENGER:

Oh, Mr. Pendleton, a little more respect. This is Mr. Jordan!

JOE:

Oh, Mr. Jordan, eh? Well, look, Mr. Jordan, I want to get a taxi to New York and quick!

JORDAN:

(TO MESSENGER) What is the meaning of this?

MESSENGER:

Oh, it's a very difficult case, sir. Fought me tooth and nail all the way up here.

JOE:

Fought him? Huh! How do you like that? Listen, Mr. Jordan, don't waste your time listening to this comic. Do you know what he keeps telling me? He keeps telling me I'm dead.

JORDAN:

I'm afraid you are.

JOE:

Are what?

JORDAN:

Dead.

JOE:

Oh, you, too, eh? You're just as crazy as he is.

MESSENGER:

Oh, Mr. Pendleton -- now, please!

JORDAN:

What is his name?

MESSENGER:

Pendleton, Joseph.

JOE:

No, no, you even got that balled up. I'm Joe-- Joe Pendleton, not Pendleton Joseph!

MESSENGER:

Oh, for heaven's sakes, be quiet!

JORDAN:

(CHECKS LIST) Pendleton, Pendleton, Pendleton-- I don't see his name on my list.

JOE:

Well, I can't be on any list.

JORDAN:

What's your occupation? Musician?

JOE:

Musician? Whatever gave you the idea I'm a musician?

JORDAN:

That, er, instrument you're carrying?

JOE:

Oh, that? Oh, that's my sax. That's just a hobby, like flying. Look, I'm Joe Pendleton. The Flying Pug, they call me. I'm a prizefighter.

MESSENGER:

You were a prizefighter.

JORDAN:

There's no "Pendleton, Joseph" listed.

JOE:

There, you see? What did I tell you?

JORDAN:

Mr. Sloan? Contact the Registrar's Office, will you? Ask them for everything they have on "Pendleton, Joseph."

SLOAN:

Yes, sir.

JOE:

Now, I'm trying to tell you fellows, I'm not ready for this place yet. I never felt better in my life. I'm in the pink!

JORDAN:

Strange he isn't on the list.

MESSENGER:

Oh, now, really, sir, it isn't possible that he could have survived. Why, he was hurtling to earth with the speed of a meteor.

JOE:

Yes, but I wouldn't have crashed. I'd have pulled the ship out somehow, if you'd left me alone.

MESSENGER:

Oh, quiet.

JORDAN:

Messenger?

MESSENGER:

Yes, Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

Am I to understand that you took this man out of that plane before it crashed?

JOE:

Yeah, that's what he did!

MESSENGER:

Yes, sir. I, uh--

JORDAN:

Unpardonably presumptuous.

MESSENGER:

Yes, sir. Oh, but there he was, sir, just plummeting earthward. I wanted to spare him the agony of crashing, so--

JORDAN:

That's enough, please. You're new, aren't you?

MESSENGER:

I am. Yes, sir. I was put on only this morning.

JORDAN:

I thought so. Overzealousness. Out for record collections.

SLOAN:

(APPROACHES) Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

Yes?

SLOAN:

On "Pendleton, Joseph," the official record says both his parents are happily withdrawn and awaiting his arrival. Joseph is scheduled to join them the morning of May eleventh, Nineteen Hundred Ninety-Two.

JOE:

Nineteen Ninety-Two?! Ten-twenty-thirty-- Why, that's fifty years from now! What did I tell you?!

JORDAN:

(COOLLY, TO MESSENGER) Seems you were a little premature.

JOE:

Hm! Fifty years to go yet! You fellas certainly pulled a boner this time.

MESSENGER:

Oh, ah, Mr. Pendleton, I feel I owe you an apology.

JOE:

I'll tell the world you do. (MAGNANIMOUSLY) Oh, well. Never mind, we all make mistakes. There's no harm done. Just forget about it and take me back.

MESSENGER:

Ah, take you back?

JORDAN:

Naturally, take him back. Return him to the body out of which you so indiscreetly snatched him.

JOE:

Yeah, and make it snappy. Well, I'm glad to have met you, Mr. Jordan. And thanks for straightening everything out for me.

JORDAN:

Not at all.

JOE:

Heh! I'll be seeing you fifty years from now, if you're still on the job.

JORDAN:

I will be.

JOE:

(TO MESSENGER) Well, come on, let's go.

MESSENGER:

Mr. Pendleton, if you don't mind, I'm the one who says, "Let's go." Let's go. ...

MUSIC:

OTHERWORLDLY TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG

SOUND:

SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES

JOE:

Listen! I go see that Mr. Jordan, see?

MESSENGER:

Oh, we're going to see him. Now just control yourself, Mr. Pendleton.

JOE:

I thought I was out of this place for keeps! Here I am again, strolling around on the clouds!

JORDAN:

Is there anything wrong?

MESSENGER:

(MILD SURPRISE) Oh! Oh, Mr. Jordan--

JOE:

Oh, hello, Mr. Jordan.

JORDAN:

I didn't expect to see you for fifty years, Mr. Pendleton.

MUSIC:

GENTLY OUT

MESSENGER:

Oh, Mr. Jordan, something terrible has happened.

JOE:

Shut up, I'll tell him; you keep quiet. Now, look, Mr. Jordan, we go down there to New Jersey. But my body ain't in the plane! Now, then we go to Corkle's place. My body ain't there, either! Finally, I find out what's happened. While you guys kept me up here gabbing, that Corkle gets my body out of the plane and has me cremated! ...

JORDAN:

Cremated?

JOE:

Yeah.

JORDAN:

Oh, that's bad.

MESSENGER:

Oh, it's deplorable, Mr. Jordan. I feel just ghastly.

JOE:

Well, how do you think I feel? ... Hm! Wait till I see that Corkle. He can't go around burning me up and get away with it.

JORDAN:

That's very bad. This complicates everything.

MESSENGER:

Oh, I have an idea, Mr. Jordan. Couldn't we have him reborn?

JOE:

Nothing doing! I'm not gonna go through that again! ...

JORDAN:

Well, I see I'll have to take personal charge of this. Come along, Joseph.

JOE:

Huh? Well, wait a minute. Where to?

JORDAN:

Well, I'm taking you back to Earth.

JOE:

Yeah, but you can't. Didn't I just tell you? I haven't got a body any more.

JORDAN:

What of it? I'll get you another body.

JOE:

Huh? You'll do what?

MESSENGER:

(PUZZLED) Ah-- Another body?

JORDAN:

That's what I said. Come along, Joseph.

JOE:

Ah-- Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. What kind of a deal is this? You can't go shoving just anybody's body off on me. Not on your life. I put in ten years getting that body in the pink.

JORDAN:

But, Joseph, it's gone. Your body doesn't exist any longer.

JOE:

Now, Mr. Jordan--!

JORDAN:

(REASSURING) Now, Joe. You shall have your choice of a thousand bodies. All excellent specimens. I promise you, we'll keep looking until we find a body you like. Now, that's fair enough, isn't it?

JOE:

Mm. Well, I don't want any more than what's coming to me. I just want what I was, and what I was going to be; no more, no less. But I expect you to make good, Mr. Jordan.

JORDAN:

I'll do my best. Come along.

MESSENGER:

Goodbye, Mr. Pendleton. Good luck.

JOE:

Ohhh, that sounds mighty weird coming from you.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

CITY TRAFFIC BACKGROUND ... SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES OF JOE AND JORDAN

JOE:

(WHISTLES WITH AMAZEMENT) You know, I thought that messenger fella was good at getting around, but you're terrific, Mr. Jordan. Russia, Australia, South Africa, and now New York. How do you do it?

JORDAN:

Well, that's a trade secret, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah?

JORDAN:

Joe, we've made a hundred and thirty stops. I've offered you the cream of last week's crop and you've turned up your nose at the lot.

JOE:

Yeah, but there wasn't a decent physique in the whole bunch, Mr. Jordan. You can't slip me a second-rater. You got to remember I was in the pink!

JORDAN:

That is becoming a most obnoxious color, Joe. ... Now, don't mention it again, please.

JOE:

Oh, okay, I won't. Well, where's the next stop?

JORDAN:

The next stop is that house across the street.

JOE:

Oh, yeah? Hey, pretty snazzy place, isn't it? Who do we size up in there?

JORDAN:

The owner, Bruce Farnsworth.

JOE:

(SELF-CONSCIOUSLY) Well, look, I can't go into a place like that. I - I mean, well, you gotta dress up a little, you know?

JORDAN:

(PATIENTLY) Joe, I've explained it twenty times. No one can see us, and no one can hear us. We are invisible, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah, that's right. Hm. I keep forgettin'. Well, let's take a look at this bird.

SOUND:

CITY TRAFFIC UP AND OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES OF JOE AND JORDAN

JOE:

Gee. You know, Mr. Jordan, I'll never get used to this.

JORDAN:

To what, Joe?

JOE:

Walking through walls. It ain't natural. Hey, uh, what's the dope on this guy Farnsworth?

JORDAN:

Well, he's about your age and fairly husky.

JOE:

What? About my age and he's got a joint like this? He must be rolling in dough.

JORDAN:

He inherited it, Joe.

JOE:

Mm hm. Uh, well set up?

JORDAN:

Oh, quite. Played polo a while back.

JOE:

Oh, that sounds good. Is he dead?

JORDAN:

No.

JOE:

Hm. Going to die, though, huh?

JORDAN:

(YES) Mm hm.

JOE:

Sick, huh?

JORDAN:

No, not really. He has a slightly rundown condition.

JOE:

Oh, just slightly rundown? Going to die, that's all! (CLICKS TONGUE WITH DISAPPROVAL)

JORDAN:

He's being murdered, Joe.

JOE:

(UNEASY) What? Murdered? You mean--? Well, is it going on right now?

JORDAN:

(YES) Mm hm.

JOE:

Right here in this house?

JORDAN:

That's right.

JOE:

Well, who's doing it?

JORDAN:

His wife. And the man she's in love with, Farnsworth's confidential secretary.

JOE:

(WHISTLES) Nice people you want me to meet. How are they killing him?

JORDAN:

They're drowning him in the bathtub. ...

JOE:

Holy cow. Well, come on, let's scram out of here. I'm going to keep my nose clean.

JORDAN:

Now, wait, Joe.

JOE:

Oh, now, look, Mr. Jordan, you don't think I'm crazy enough to change places with a guy who's got a wife like that hanging around? I ain't punch-drunk yet.

JORDAN:

We'll have to wait here until I collect him. It's my job.

JOE:

How can you sit there when there's a guy being killed? Why don't we call the cops?

JORDAN:

I'm afraid they wouldn't pay any attention to us, Joe. Even the New York's finest can't see or hear us.

JOE:

Oh, yeah, that's right.

JORDAN:

Wait! It's all over.

JOE:

What? You mean, he's dead?

JORDAN:

Mm, he's dead.

JOE:

(WHISTLES)

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS ... (REMEMBER, NO ECHO ON THE LIVING CHARACTERS' VOICES)

JULIA:

Hurry, Tony.

TONY:

It's all right, Julia. Now, keep calm.

JOE:

(TO JORDAN) Hey! Are those the two that did it?

JORDAN:

Mm hm. That's Mrs. Farnsworth and the secretary, Tony Abbott.

JOE:

Gee, to look at her, you wouldn't think-- Well, she don't look like a murderer, Mr. Jordan.

JORDAN:

Just you listen, Joe.

JULIA:

Tony, I'm frightened.

TONY:

Get hold of yourself, Julia.

JULIA:

Tony, I don't know what's come over me. I have a feeling I can't shake off, that there's something weird, something hanging over us, watching us.

JOE:

Mmm, you said it, sister.

TONY:

Come now, stop it, Julia. Now, what could be more natural? A glass of warm milk, a sleeping tablet or two, and a very tired, dissipated young man unfortunately drowses off in his bath.

SISK:

I beg your pardon, Mrs. Farnsworth.

JULIA:

Yes, what is it?

SISK:

A Miss Bette Logan is here. She wants to see Mr. Farnsworth.

JULIA:

Send her away.

TONY:

Don't be silly, Julia. Ask Miss Logan to come in, Sisk.

SISK:

Very good, sir.

JULIA:

I can't talk to her now, Tony!

TONY:

Of course you can. Just be sympathetic. I'll be in the study. If she becomes difficult, bring her in to me.

SOUND:

STUDY DOOR CLOSES

JOE:

(TO JORDAN) Hey, who's this Logan? Somebody else mixed up in the murder?

JORDAN:

You judge for yourself, Joe.

SISK:

(ANNOUNCES BETTE) Miss Logan.

JULIA:

How do you do, Miss Logan? I'm Mrs. Farnsworth.

BETTE:

(TENSE, URGENT) May I see Mr. Farnsworth, please? I've got to see him.

JULIA:

Why, yes. He'll be right down.

JOE:

Oh, "be right down"! She knows he's dead. ...

BETTE:

Mrs. Farnsworth, my father's been arrested.

JULIA:

Yes, I know. I'm sorry.

BETTE:

He's sick, Mrs. Farnsworth. This will kill him. And he's not guilty of anything!

JULIA:

It was about some worthless securities he sold, wasn't it?

BETTE:

(SHARP, ACCUSING) That Mr. Farnsworth sold under my father's name.

JULIA:

(DEFENSIVE) Really? And what do you expect Mr. Farnsworth to do?

BETTE:

(HELPLESSLY) I - I don't know. But he can't send an innocent man to jail.

JULIA:

Well, I don't know about these things. Mr. Abbott has all the facts in the case and he's in the study. Would you care to see him?

BETTE:

Yes, if I could, please.

JULIA:

Just come right in.

BETTE:

Thank you.

SOUND:

STUDY DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS AS JULIA AND BETTE EXIT

JOE:

(WHISTLES) Oh, Mr. Jordan! That Logan girl! Oh, boy, I've never seen anything as beautiful as that, not even in Heaven.

JORDAN:

She is pretty, isn't she?

JOE:

Yeah. She's in a tough spot. She's got a lot of courage to come here alone to fight for her father.

JORDAN:

She worships him.

JOE:

Yeah? Well, she's no match for those buzzards. She needs help. You better go to work.

JORDAN:

Farnsworth is the only one who can help her, Joe.

JOE:

Well, he's dead.

JORDAN:

Yes. (SLOW AND POINTED) But you can be Farnsworth.

JOE:

Huh? What do you mean? I don't get it.

JORDAN:

It's quite simple.

JOE:

What? You mean, you want me to be Farnsworth and have a swell girl like that hate me?

JORDAN:

But you'll make a very different Farnsworth, Joe. Spiritually, there'll be no change in you.

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, but I wouldn't be myself. A guy's no good if he isn't himself.

JORDAN:

Joe, you'll always be yourself. You'd merely be using Farnsworth's physical covering, like, er, putting on a new overcoat.

JOE:

Yeah? Well, it better be a pretty good overcoat. It's gotta last me fifty years! ...

JORDAN:

But inside that coat, you'd still be Joe Pendleton -- thinking, acting, and feeling.

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, but that run-down overcoat -- that playboy Farnsworth-- I'd have to give up everything: a crack at the title and-- No. No, I couldn't do it, Mr. Jordan. I'd like to help you, but not that way.

SOUND:

STUDY DOOR OPENS

TONY:

Oh, Sisk?

SISK:

Yes, Mr. Abbott?

TONY:

Will you tell Mr. Farnsworth that Miss Logan is here to see him?

SISK:

Yes, sir.

SOUND:

STUDY DOOR CLOSES

JOE:

Now, what's the idea? That - that - that guy Abbott knows Farnsworth is dead.

JORDAN:

Very convenient the butler discovering the body. You haven't much time to decide, Joe.

JOE:

Hm. Well, don't rush me. I gotta do some figuring.

JORDAN:

Make up your mind, Joe.

JOE:

Well-- Now, look, what if I did it only temporary? Supposing I was Farnsworth just for a little while until after I help that kid out. Could I do that?

JORDAN:

If you wish it.

JOE:

All right. And after you've got me out of Farnsworth's body, you'd have to get me a body that would suit me. Is that clear?

JORDAN:

Quite.

JOE:

Okay, it's a deal. Well, come on, Mr. Jordan! We gotta hurry!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

SLIGHT ECHO ON JORDAN'S VOICE ... NO MORE ECHO ON JOE'S VOICE

JOE:

Hey, hey! Look at me, Mr. Jordan! I'm all wet! Ha! I'm soaking wet!

JORDAN:

Well, you just got out of the bath, Joe. That's where Farnsworth was.

JOE:

Yeah. Well, uh, where's Farnsworth now?

JORDAN:

You're Farnsworth.

JOE:

What? Oh, no! No, wait, wait! We can't get away with this. Mr. Jordan, I still feel like me. I still sound like me.

JORDAN:

Inwardly, you haven't changed, Joe. Outwardly, you're Bruce Farnsworth, and that's what they'll see and hear.

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

SISK:

(BEHIND DOOR) Mr. Farnsworth? Are you in there?

JORDAN:

Answer him, Joe.

JOE:

Answer him? What? You mean, people can hear me now?

JORDAN:

(YES) Mm hm.

JOE:

Yeah, but - but he knows that other guy's voice.

JORDAN:

That is exactly what he'll hear.

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

JORDAN:

To everyone else, you'll seem to be talking like Bruce Farnsworth.

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

SISK:

(BEHIND DOOR) Mr. Farnsworth! Is anything wrong? Please answer me, sir.

JORDAN:

Go ahead, Joe.

JOE:

Well, okay. (CALLS) I'll be out in a minute!

SISK:

(BEHIND DOOR) Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

JORDAN:

There. ... Now, what he heard was the voice of Farnsworth.

JOE:

Oh-- (CHUCKLES) It was, huh?

JORDAN:

And when you open that door, what he sees will be Farnsworth. You try it.

JOE:

Okay. Here goes.

SOUND:

BATHROOM DOOR OPENS

SISK:

Excuse me, Mr. Farnsworth, but there's a Miss Logan--

JOE:

(INTERRUPTS, SHARPLY) What'd you call me?

SISK:

Why, er, Mr. Farnsworth.

JOE:

Mister--? Huh! Yeah! Go on!

SISK:

There's a Miss Logan here to see you, sir.

JOE:

Yeah, I know.

SISK:

I beg your pardon, sir?

JOE:

I mean, uh, I'll go right down. Hm! (LOW, TO JORDAN) He never batted an eye, Mr. Jordan.

SISK:

I beg your pardon, sir?

JORDAN:

Remember, Joe, people can hear you now.

JOE:

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

SISK:

Forgot what, sir?

JOE:

Nothing. I was only thinkin'. (LOW, TO JORDAN) Well, but, Mr. Jordan, they - they still can't see you or hear you?

JORDAN:

No, Joe.

SISK:

Who can't see and hear whom, sir?

JOE:

Nobody. Beat it, will ya? I'll be right down.

SISK:

Very good, sir.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES AS SISK EXITS

JOE:

Isn't that amazing? "Mr. Farnsworth," he calls me, lookin' right at me. Ha! How do you do it, Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

Well, if there were no mystery left to explore, Joe, life would get rather dull, wouldn't it? Now to the library, and I think you're going to be something of a surprise down there.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

JULIA:

(TENSE, NERVOUS) My husband's taking rather long, isn't he?

BETTE:

Yes, very long.

JULIA:

Well, perhaps he won't come down at all.

TONY:

(CAUTIONING) Julia--

JULIA:

(SNAPS) So why don't you go, Miss Logan? There's no help for you! Your father's in jail to stay!

SOUND:

STUDY DOOR OPENS

JOE:

(CASUALLY) Hello. Somebody want me?

TONY:

(SURPRISED) Mr. Farnsworth?!

JULIA:

(UNNERVED) Bruce?! Bruce, what are you--?

JOE:

Hello, Miss Logan. Glad to see ya.

BETTE:

Mr. Farnsworth, I'd like to speak to you -- privately.

JOE:

Yeah, sure, why not? How about outside?

JULIA:

(SHAKEN) Bruce, you - you--

JOE:

What's the matter?

JULIA:

(DAZED) Nothing, I-- I just--

JOE:

Oh, hey, Abbott, Mrs. Farnsworth looks a little pale around the gills. She looks like she's gonna--

JULIA:

(MOANS AS SHE FAINTS)

SOUND:

BODY THUD! AS JULIA COLLAPSES TO THE FLOOR

JOE:

Oh, she did. ... Well, pick her up. (TO BETTE) This way, Miss Logan.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES AS JOE AND BETTE ENTER A NEW ROOM

JOE:

Well, sit down, Miss Logan. What's on your mind?

BETTE:

Mr. Farnsworth, I just want one thing. I want you to get my father out of jail.

JOE:

Oh, yeah, that's right. He's in jail, isn't he?

BETTE:

As if you didn't know. You put him there!

JOE:

Well, Farnsworth did. I mean, you see, I'm not really-- Well, you know how it goes. Now - now, for instance, if you want to change overcoats--

BETTE:

This is hardly the time for jokes.

JOE:

Oh. Oh, I'm not joking, Miss Logan.

BETTE:

Then admit it. You did put my father in jail.

JOE:

Well, all right, I did. But I didn't have anything to do with it! ...

BETTE:

You're just trying to put me off. You're trying to make a fool out of me. You think you can laugh me out of it as if I were a child.

JOE:

Oh, look, your father's going to be all right, Miss Logan--

BETTE:

(INTERRUPTS, BITTERLY) Another Farnsworth trick. They told me there was no use coming here to talk to you.

JOE:

Oh, now, please, listen--

BETTE:

(TEARFUL) I knew you were cruel, but to play with people like this and torture them. (MOVING OFF) Oh, you're horrible! Horrible!

JOE:

Oh, wait, Miss Logan! I'll get your father out! I'll-- Listen--!

SOUND:

DURING ABOVE, DOOR OPENS ... THEN CLOSES AS BETTE EXITS ... ECHO ON JORDAN'S VOICE

JORDAN:

She's a high-spirited girl, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah. (CLICKS TONGUE WITH DISAPPROVAL) Did you hear that, Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

I was sitting right there.

JOE:

Yeah. (IRONIC) Well, I certainly fixed it, didn't I? Hm! She likes me a lot.

JORDAN:

She will in time.

JOE:

Oh, go on. I'm poison to her. Mr. Jordan, this won't work. You better get me out of this - this - this overcoat and let's get moving.

JORDAN:

She is wonderful, though, isn't she?

JOE:

Oh, yeah. Boy, I'd give a right arm if I could help her.

JORDAN:

You promised you would, didn't you? You can't very well move on until you've made good.

JOE:

Yeah, but there's no use. I don't even know what to do.

JORDAN:

Bruce Farnsworth can do anything he wishes. Well, I'll have to be leaving you now, Joe.

JOE:

Hm? What?

JORDAN:

My work's piling up. I'll have to get back.

JOE:

Yeah, but - but you can't leave me holding the bag in a mess like this!

JORDAN:

(MOVING OFF) I'll be back whenever you need me. So long, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah, but-- Mr. Jordan? Mr. Jordan? Don't go walking through walls on me! Hey! Where are ya? Mr. Jordan? Mr. Jordan?! Mmmm-mm! Holy cow!

MUSIC:

DURING ABOVE, BUILDS TO CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

In just a moment, Mr. DeMille and our stars -- Cary Grant, Claude Rains, Evelyn Keyes, and James Gleason -- will return in Act Two of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan." Well, here's Libby Collins, our Hollywood reporter. Welcome, Libby. What's new?

LIBBY:

I've had the most exciting afternoon, Mr. Ruick. Lieutenant Lupino and I--

ANNOUNCER:

(INTERRUPTS) Lieutenant Lupino? Now, wait a minute, Libby. Are you referring to Ida Lupino?

LIBBY:

Of course, Mr. Ruick. Ida's a lieutenant in the Women's Ambulance Defense Corps. She enlisted as a private in the corps, learned how to be a fine mechanic, and now she's a lieutenant. You should see her in her snappy uniform. She looks lovelier than ever.

ANNOUNCER:

I believe it, Libby. The same exquisite complexion, of course. Ida's a real Lux girl.

LIBBY:

You bet she is. She says her daily complexion care is an Active Lather facial with Lux Soap. She's glad these busy days it's such a quick, easy care -- a care that really works.

ANNOUNCER:

You know, Libby, I think the ladies in our audience would like to know just how Ida Lupino takes her daily Lux beauty facial. Won't you tell them?

LIBBY:

Gladly, Mr. Ruick. Here's what Ida says. Pat the creamy Lux Soap lather lightly in. Rinse with warm water, then with a dash of cool. Pat gently with a towel to dry. Ida says her skin feels smoother after this daily care; that it's a wonderful beauty aid.

ANNOUNCER:

Many other famous Hollywood stars say that, too, Libby. They depend on their Lux Soap complexion care these extra-busy days.

LIBBY:

They do, Mr. Ruick, because they've found these beauty facials such an easy, quick way to help keep skin smooth.

ANNOUNCER:

I'm sure every woman who tries this famous Hollywood care will agree with you, Libby. (TO ALL) Why not begin tomorrow and try these facials for thirty days? See how thoroughly Lux Soap's gentle Active Lather removes stale cosmetics and every trace of dust and dirt. See how flower-fresh your skin looks after this Lux Soap beauty care. Then you'll know why nine out of ten lovely screen stars use this luxurious white soap regularly. Get some Lux Toilet Soap tomorrow. Buy it the economical three-cakes-at-a-time way. (BEAT) We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

MUSIC:

FILLS PAUSE FOR STATION IDENTIFICATION

HOST:

Act Two of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan," starring Cary Grant as Joe, Claude Rains as Mr. Jordan, Evelyn Keyes as Bette, and James Gleason as Max.

MUSIC:

OTHERWORLDLY INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND HOST--

HOST:

The spirit of Joe Pendleton is encased in the body of Bruce Farnsworth -- and Joe is finding the situation very annoying. He's discovered that Bruce Farnsworth is -- or was -- a first-class crook and all-around cad.

MUSIC:

CHANGES TO SOLO SAXOPHONE ... PLAYS OFF-KEY "SWANEE RIVER" ... IN AND BEHIND--

HOST:

Only the presence of his belovèd saxophone makes Joe's existence bearable.

MUSIC:

SAXOPHONE OUT BEHIND--

TONY:

Mr. Farnsworth, you sent for me?

JOE:

Yeah. What are you looking at, Abbott?

TONY:

Well, I didn't know you played a saxophone.

JOE:

No? Well, a lot of people don't know it. You'll get used to it after a while. Now, let's get down to business. I've been thinking over this Logan affair and it doesn't sound so good. I want to get Mr. Logan out of jail.

TONY:

With fraud pinned on him like this?

JOE:

Well, who pinned it on him?

TONY:

Well, naturally, we did.

JOE:

That's what I thought. So let's unpin it.

TONY:

Mr. Farnsworth, do you realize you'll have to buy back every share of that worthless stock? It's impossible.

JOE:

Mm? Well, who's got it?

TONY:

Naturally, small investors all over the country.

JOE:

Oh, small investors, eh? Hm! That's nice work. Well, give them back every cent they paid for it.

TONY:

That will take millions of dollars!

JOE:

Have I got it?

TONY:

Of course, but--

JOE:

All right, let's do it.

TONY:

Don't you feel you ought to think this over first?

JOE:

I have thought it over! And get this: You and I are going to tangle plenty from now on, if you don't watch your step. So don't try any funny business. And stay out of my bathroom! ...

MUSIC:

TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG

1ST NEWSIE:

Paper! Paper! Farnsworth clears Logan in securities fraud! Paper!

2ND NEWSIE:

Logan released from jail!

1ST NEWSIE:

Millions paid back to investors! Paper! Paper!

MUSIC:

UP, FOR TRANSITION ... THEN OUT

SOUND:

SLIGHT ECHO ON VOICES OF JORDAN AND MESSENGER

JOE:

(CALLS) Oh, Mr. Jordan?! Hey, Mr. Jordan?! Mr. Jordan?!

JORDAN:

Here I am, Joe.

JOE:

Oh. Oh, hello, Mr. Jordan. You're just the man I needed.

JORDAN:

I told you I'd come if you needed me.

MESSENGER:

How are you, Mr. Pendleton?

JOE:

(UNHAPPY) Oh, you, too, huh? What do you want? I didn't ask for you.

MESSENGER:

(EXASPERATED) Oh, really, Mr. Pendleton--

JORDAN:

It's all right, Joe. He came with me. What's the trouble?

SOUND:

RUSTLE OF NEWSPAPER BEHIND--

JOE:

Well, look at this in the paper. That's what's the trouble.

JORDAN:

You mean about giving the money back to the investors?

JOE:

Oh, no, no. Not that. On the sporting page. Listen! (READS) "Murdock to fight champ"!

SOUND:

JOE BALLS UP NEWSPAPER

JOE:

Mr. Jordan, they can't do this to me! They're trying to dish me out of the title. This is what comes of fooling around with this temporary Farnsworth business. Now look at the spot I'm in.

MESSENGER:

You're in no spot whatsoever, Mr. Pendleton.

JOE:

Why don't you keep out of this?

MESSENGER:

I know perfectly well that you were to have another body.

JOE:

Yeah? Well, what have you done about it?

MESSENGER:

Just scoured the world for it, that's all. And I may say, I've found it.

JOE:

(SKEPTICAL) Humph! What have you found?

MESSENGER:

A superb specimen. A strapping fellow in Australia who'll soon be available. A motor accident.

JOE:

Yeah? What's his weight?

MESSENGER:

A hundred and ninety-two pounds.

JOE:

Well, that's good. What's his reach?

MESSENGER:

Ah, seventy-eight inches.

JOE:

Not bad. Waist, chest, and forearm?

MESSENGER:

Oh, great heavens, what difference does that make? He's got a waist and a chest and a forearm. What more do you want?

JOE:

Well, I want to know, that's what I want. While you're fumbling around, the championship's getting away from me.

MESSENGER:

Well, it won't get very far. We have found out that you are actually intended to be the next world's champion.

JOE:

What? Is that a fact?

JORDAN:

Yes, Joe.

JOE:

Well, how do you know?

JORDAN:

Nothing can prevent it.

JOE:

(WHISTLES) I knew it. I told you. Well, come on! What are we waiting for? Let's take a look at this Australian fellow!

SISK:

(OFF) Mr. Farnsworth, sir?

JOE:

(TO JORDAN AND MESSENGER) Oh, it's the butler. Hey, duck, you guys. Beat it.

JORDAN:

We don't have to duck, Joe.

MESSENGER:

They can't see us.

JOE:

Oh, yeah. That's right. Hm! Why can't I remember that?

SISK:

(APPROACHES) Mr. Farnsworth?

JOE:

Yeah? What?

SISK:

Miss Logan is here, sir.

JOE:

Oh, Miss Logan? Oh, bring her in. (MOVING OFF) Uh, never mind, I'll get her myself.

SISK:

Yes, sir.

MESSENGER:

(IMPATIENTLY) Oh, is this delay necessary, Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

Yes. And very interesting.

JOE:

(APPROACHES, NERVOUSLY INGRATIATING) Hello, Miss Logan! Come right in here. Sit down. Um, can I get you something? Um, coffee or something?

BETTE:

(GIDDY) No, I just wanted to tell you. My father's home. Thank you.

JOE:

(CHUCKLES) Oh, that's fine. Fine. Sit down.

BETTE:

It was a wonderful thing you did. Not only for my father, I mean, to give that money back to all those people.

JOE:

Oh, well, as a matter of fact, that was about the only thing to do, wasn't it?

BETTE:

I don't know, I-- I'm sorry I keep on staring at you like this.

JOE:

Oh, that's okay. I'm doing a little staring myself. ...

BETTE:

I'm all mixed up. When I came to see you that night-- When I was trying to hate you most, I couldn't deny there was something warm and friendly, even gentle, in the way you smiled.

JOE:

Oh, there was, huh? (CHUCKLES) Gee! Well-- Well, that-that-that's wonderful.

MESSENGER:

(WITH DISTASTE, TO JORDAN) How long does this drivel go on?

JORDAN:

A little patience.

BETTE:

You know what I told my father this was? A miracle.

JOE:

A miracle? Why?

BETTE:

Well, that a man like Bruce Farnsworth could have a real feeling for the happiness of others.

JOE:

Well, now, that's as good a way to go through life as any other, isn't it?

BETTE:

Yes, that's all I meant. Except, when you find that in somebody, it's a great discovery. (CHUCKLES) I guess that's why I keep staring. I - I can't help it. It - it's something in your eyes, and - and what's behind them, that - that I keep trying to see. That sounds silly, doesn't it?

JOE:

(MOVED) No. No, I know what you mean. When you make a discovery like that, it's pretty important, isn't it? I mean, it's more important than what two people look like, or who they are, or anything else.

BETTE:

Of course.

JOE:

Yeah. And even if he was-- Well, it wouldn't make any difference what he was. The other thing is all that matters.

BETTE:

That's how it ought to be. (INHALES) I'll have to go now. Goodbye.

JOE:

Uh, will I see you again?

BETTE:

Yes, of course. (MOVING OFF) Goodbye.

JOE:

Goodbye. (TO HIMSELF) Gee!

MESSENGER:

(SNIDELY) Heh! Well, thank goodness she's gone.

JOE:

Oh, Mr. Jordan, did you hear what she said? She was looking at me -- Joe! She likes me. Me!

MESSENGER:

Oh, really, sir, we have to get moving.

JORDAN:

Yes. Ready, Joe?

JOE:

Huh? What do you mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that Australian guy.

MESSENGER:

(CATTY) If you recall, yes.

JOE:

Well-- Now, wait a minute. I can't do that now.

JORDAN:

Why not?

JOE:

Well, don't you see, Mr. Jordan? She likes me the way I am. Now, if I go running off to Australia and pull a switch just when I get her used to this Farnsworth, I might lose her.

JORDAN:

Yes, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah. Well, now, look, Mr. Jordan, this Farnsworth was about my age. He had a pretty good body once. You said he played polo. Well, why couldn't I build him up physically like I did me?

JORDAN:

Why not?

JOE:

Yeah. Exercise, plain food, plenty of fresh air!

JORDAN:

I'm sure you'd do wonders with him.

JOE:

Certainly! With what I know about fighting, of course I could. I could get that body in the pink in no time at all and lick Murdock with it. Then I've got the title and I got her, too.

MESSENGER:

Mr. Pendleton, is this final?

JOE:

You bet it's final. I'm getting Max Corkle in here tomorrow to help me train. But I'm gonna stay like I am. As Farnsworth.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

JOE STEADILY SOCKS A PUNCHING BAG ... THEN IN BG

SISK:

Mr. Farnsworth?

JOE:

Don't bother me while I'm punchin' the bag! I told you that before!

SISK:

But, Mr. Farnsworth, a Mr. Corkle is here.

SOUND:

PUNCHING BAG STOPS

JOE:

Oh, Corkle? Max Corkle?

SISK:

Yes, sir.

JOE:

Oh. Well, where is he? (CALLS) Hey, Corkle! Come on in!

MAX:

Excuse me, but, er--

JOE:

Hello, Corkle! Right in here. Right here.

MAX:

Oh, t'anks. I got a telegram from--

JOE:

Yeah, wait a minute. (TO SISK) Hey, you -- Sisk. Outside.

SISK:

Very good, sir.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES AS SISK EXITS

JOE:

Max! You old son of a gun! I'm glad to see ya.

MAX:

(PUZZLED) Do you know me? ...

JOE:

Why, certainly I know you, you dumb ox. Take a good look, Max. Do you know me?

MAX:

Sure. Everybody knows you, Mr. Farnsworth.

JOE:

What's the matter with your eyes, you big sap? I'm not Farnsworth. I'm Joe Pendleton. Your Joe.

MAX:

(BEAT, SIMPLY) You're nuts, Mr. Farnsworth. ... (UNNERVED) Get me out of here!

JOE:

Oh, come on, wait a minute, Max! Wait! Wait! Now, look, Max, I know I don't look like Joe, but I'm him just the same, and it's your fault.

MAX:

My fault?

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, if you hadn't been in such a hurry to cremate me, I wouldn't be in the jam I'm in now.

MAX:

(STAMMERS) I - I c-- c--? I c-c-cremated you? ...

JOE:

Well, didn't ya?

MAX:

(UNEASY) Take it easy, will you, Mr. Farnsworth? It's been kind of hot today, ain't it? I better go now.

JOE:

Oh, no. No, no, you don't, Max. Now, listen. You remember the time I went up in the plane? Well, something went flooey, and one of those guys that goes around collecting people, he pulled a boner. He grabbed me off before me time, and while I'm arguing with him whether I'm dead or not, you cremate me. Then they gotta make good. They gotta get me another body. Ya get it?

MAX:

(SOOTHING, AS IF TO A CHILD) Sure, sure. Then everything's fine, ain't it? And all you need now is a doctor. The best one, maybe a specialist.

JOE:

Now - now - now, listen to me.

MAX:

(QUICKLY) I'm a very busy man, Mr. Farnsworth--

JOE:

The body they give me belongs to this other guy. They drowned him in the bathtub. Pushed him underneath the water.

MAX:

(CALLS, NERVOUSLY) Heeeeeeelp! ...

JOE:

Be quiet, will ya? Keep quiet, Max.

JORDAN:

(ECHO) Having trouble, Joe?

JOE:

Yeah. Oh, Mr. Jordan. Gee, I certainly am glad you showed up. Max, this is Mr. Jordan.

MAX:

(SPOOKED, HUSHED) Is there somebody with us? ...

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Jordan.

MAX:

Oh. (PLAYS ALONG, NERVOUSLY) Well, pleased to meet you, Mr. Jordan. (WHISPERS, TO JOE) Where is he? ...

JOE:

Oh, well, I forgot. You can't see him and you can't hear him.

MAX:

Well, maybe if I had a good, stiff drink--

JOE:

Well, you can't see him because you're not dead yet.

MAX:

Oh. Oh, well-- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY AS HE BACKS AWAY WARILY) Well, I guess you two fellows have got a lot of business to talk over, so I'll be mooching along.

JOE:

Aw, now, come here, Max. Come here and sit down. (TO JORDAN) Uh, Mr. Jordan, I gotta get this through to him. Make him understand, will ya?

JORDAN:

(ECHO) You can do it yourself, Joe. Try.

JOE:

Oh, I can, huh? Oh, well. All right, now, listen, Max. Now, how would I know about Joe if I wasn't Joe? And listen to this, you got forty percent of me.

MAX:

Yeah? Since when did you give me that?

JOE:

Well, since that time in Astoria when you saw me put away Butcher Boy McKenzie. Don't you remember? You said I had color, you said I was what they wanted. And-- Look, now. How's your sister Rosie, and her three kids? And have the twins gotten over the measles yet?

MAX:

(SUSPICIOUS) Heeeey. Who are you, anyways? ...

JOE:

I'm Joe. Your Joe. This is Farnsworth's body because you burned mine, you big stiff. Hey! Wait a minute. Wait. (MOVES OFF) Sit there. (COMES BACK) Here, now, look, I'll prove it to you. Now, then. Do you remember this? My saxophone?

MAX:

Hey! That's Joe's. I give it to him. Where'd you get it?

JOE:

It's my sax, I tell you. Wait, I'll play your favorite tune for you. Now listen.

MUSIC:

SAXOPHONE PLAYS OFF-KEY "SWANEE RIVER"

MAX:

You always hit that note sour-- (DOUBLE TAKE) You-- Joe! It's - it's you. (DAZED) It's Joe. Oh--

JOE:

Oh! Now, Max, Max, don't faint!

MAX:

(STUNNED, BABBLES INCOHERENTLY ... THEN IN BG)

JOE:

No, come on, Max! No, Max, no! Come on! Sit down here. Now, Max, Max, snap out of it! Come on!

SOUND:

JOE SLAPS MAX IN THE FACE A FEW TIMES

JOE:

Look at me, fella. Easy, easy, easy. Take a deep breath, Max. Come on, come on, fella.

SOUND:

MORE SLAPPING

JOE:

Yeah, breathe, Max, breathe.

MAX:

(EXHALES ... BREATHES DEEPLY BEHIND--)

JOE:

There we are. That's a boy. There. Now you feel better, Max? Huh?

MAX:

Yeah. You sure this ain't no hangover from last night? You really are Joe?

JOE:

Listen, Max. Inside, I'm Joe. Outside, I'm Farnsworth.

MAX:

Yeah. (LOW) Hey, is your pal still around?

JOE:

Yeah, he's right there.

MAX:

He is, huh? Maybe I'm somebody else, too. Ask him. No, don't. ... If I'm in somebody else's body, I don't want to know about it.

JOE:

Max, I want to tell you why I sent for you. They're talkin' about matchin' K.O. Murdock with Gilbert.

MAX:

Yeah?

JOE:

Well, who did Murdock have to fight before he got a crack at Gilbert's title?

MAX:

Joe. I mean, you.

JOE:

All right. I want you to fix it for me to fight Murdock.

MAX:

You're crazy. K.O.'d never fight Farnsworth.

JORDAN:

(ECHO) Tell him what the Registrar discovered, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah, that's right.

MAX:

(WHISPERS) Is he talkin' again?

JOE:

Yeah. ... Max, I'm going to let you in on something. I'm the next champ. It's in the book. Nothing can change it.

MAX:

Is that what he said?

JOE:

That's what he said, and he knows.

MAX:

Will he insure any bets?

JOE:

Max, I'm telling you what you got to do.

MAX:

Yeah, but Farnsworth, the banker--

JOE:

Look, you go and see Lefty, K.O.'s manager. Offer him some money, any amount.

MAX:

Well, like what?

JOE:

Oh, what'll it take?

MAX:

I don't know. Twenty-five grand at least.

JOE:

Okay. I'll send you a check this afternoon. But go down there and sew up that Murdock fight.

MAX:

Okay. (WHISPERS) Hey, Joe? Is your friend still here?

JOE:

Sure.

MAX:

Oh. (UP, TO JORDAN, NERVOUSLY) Well, I'm pleased to have met you, Mr. Jordan. Uh, could I drop you somewheres? Er, no! No, come to think of it, I ain't goin' your way, am I? ...

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

JOE:

(EXHALES) Well, I wish you didn't have to go yet. I'd like to just sit and talk a while.

BETTE:

I'm afraid I can't. I told my father I'd be home. It - it's getting very late.

JOE:

Yeah, I guess it is. Well, I'll have Abbott take care of those papers in the morning, so don't you worry about it.

BETTE:

Thank you. Well, the car's waiting outside.

JOE:

Yes? Huh. You know, I could stand here and look at you all night. I mean-- Well, I never saw you done up like this before. You look wonderful.

BETTE:

(CHUCKLES MODESTLY)

JOE:

Say, look at me! Do you see anything? Any - any difference?

BETTE:

Now, let's see--

JOE:

Healthier, maybe?

BETTE:

You look very well.

JOE:

Sort of in the pink?

BETTE:

Yes, almost pink.

JOE:

Ah! There you are. I've been exercisin'.

BETTE:

Really?

JOE:

Yeah, and I mean exercisin'. Sparrin' around, punchin' the bag, plenty of roadwork, lots of sleep. You might even call it training.

BETTE:

Why on earth should you be training?

JOE:

Oh, that's the point. Look, did you ever box? Oh. No, of course you didn't. Well, I used to. I liked it a lot, too. I thought I'd like to get back in shape again.

BETTE:

What for?

JOE:

Well, I thought I might like to do some fighting. Some real fighting, right in the ring.

BETTE:

(CHUCKLES) Oh, you're joking.

JOE:

Well, I'm not bad, you know.

BETTE:

(GOOD-NATURED) Bruce, you must stop this exercising. It's going to your head.

JOE:

Yeah, but, listen, I--

BETTE:

Good night, Bruce.

JOE:

No, no, I'm serious about this. You see, I - I-- (SEES MESSENGER, DISMAYED) Ohhhh--

MESSENGER:

(ECHO) Can I see you, Mr. Pendleton? It's very important!

JOE:

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

BETTE:

What's the matter? Bruce, what are you staring at?

JOE:

Huh? Oh, uh-- Well, excuse me a minute, will ya? I'll be right back.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AS JOE MOVES INTO NEXT ROOM ... ECHO ON VOICE OF MESSENGER

JOE:

(UNHAPPY) Now, what do you want? I thought I saw the last of you.

MESSENGER:

Oh, I've got some very distressing news, Mr. Pendleton. You can't use Farnsworth's body any more.

JOE:

What do you mean?

MESSENGER:

Just what I say.

JOE:

You're crazy! Mr. Jordan told me I was going to be champ.

MESSENGER:

But not with Farnsworth's body.

JOE:

Why not?

MESSENGER:

It wasn't meant to be that way.

JOE:

Why not?

MESSENGER:

Don't keep saying, "Why not?" Mr. Pendleton, you haven't much more time to stay in Farnsworth.

JOE:

Oh, go on! I'm not even listening. Mr. Jordan said it was okay, and this is the way it's going to be.

MESSENGER:

(MOVING OFF) I'm afraid not, Mr. Pendleton.

JOE:

Now, you wait. Come back here! Listen! I--

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AS BETTE ENTERS

BETTE:

Bruce?

JOE:

Huh? Oh.

BETTE:

Bruce, I really must leave.

JOE:

(TROUBLED) Well, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I'll take you to your car. Come on, Bette.

SOUND:

SCENE FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SCENE FADES IN ... JOE AND BETTE'S STEPS TO CAR, IN BG

BETTE:

Bruce? Has something happened?

JOE:

(STILL TROUBLED) No. No.

SOUND:

STEPS STOP ... CAR DOOR OPENS

BETTE:

Bruce? What's troubling you?

JOE:

Oh, nothin', I-- I-- Look. You just gotta believe one thing: We got a great life ahead, you and me. Nobody can take that away from us.

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... SAD, ROMANTIC ... IN BG

BETTE:

Why are you looking at me like that?

JOE:

Well, I - I'm trying to memorize your face. I'm trying to memorize everything about you, so that no matter what happens, I won't forget you.

BETTE:

(APPREHENSIVE) What might happen?

JOE:

Now, don't be scared. Just look at me. You wouldn't forget me, either, would you?

BETTE:

Oh, no, never.

JOE:

Ah, of course you wouldn't. But - but if something did happen-- I mean, the thing you said you saw in me -- something in my eyes. Well, if someday, somebody came up to ya -- he might even be a fighter -- and acted like he'd seen you someplace before, you'd notice the same thing in him. Even if you thought you did, you'd give him a break, because he might be a good guy.

BETTE:

I don't understand you.

JOE:

Oh, well, I'm just crazy. Don't mind me. I-- Well, I never want to lose you, that's all. And I'm never going to. Bette? Can I kiss ya?

BETTE:

Oh, yes, Bruce.

MUSIC:

UP, FOR A LONG KISS ... THEN FADE OUT

SOUND:

TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... JOE'S STEPS BRIEFLY ... ECHO ON VOICE OF JORDAN

JORDAN:

Hello, Joe.

JOE:

Yeah, I thought you'd be here, Mr. Jordan. Look, it isn't true, is it, about giving up Farnsworth? You're not gonna ask me to do that now, are you?

JORDAN:

It's not up to me, my boy.

JOE:

Yeah, but, why? We've got everything going great. You told me I was going to be champ.

JORDAN:

You will be, but on another road.

JOE:

Yeah, but why not as Farnsworth? I got his body in the pink. Why not as Farnsworth?

JORDAN:

Because it wasn't meant to be that way.

JOE:

Well, that's no answer.

JORDAN:

On the contrary, it's the perfect answer.

JOE:

Yeah, but look, Mr. Jordan, there's Bette. I love her -- and she loves me as Farnsworth. You can't ask me to give her up and forget her now!

JORDAN:

No, if that was meant to be, it will be.

JOE:

Now, don't talk like that. I can't switch now. Listen, Mr. Jordan. Just let me get through this fight and work it out somehow with Bette. Give me a little time.

JORDAN:

There's only a little time left, Joe.

JOE:

All right. Then I say no. You're not gonna play tricks with my life again! I'm gonna stay like I am!

JORDAN:

You can't change the course of your destiny.

JOE:

Yeah? Well, we'll see about that. If you think you can get me loose from Farnsworth, you go ahead and try it!

JORDAN:

I can't stop it, Joe. Farnsworth is going to die.

JOE:

What? You're crazy.

JORDAN:

He's going to be killed, Joe.

JOE:

Go on. What are you talking about?

JORDAN:

He's going to be killed by Abbott. There's no mistake this time.

SOUND:

GUNSHOT!

JOE:

(SLOW QUIET GASP, THEN DYING, WITH EFFORT) Mr. Jordan? Mr. Jordan?

JORDAN:

Don't fight, Joe. Leave Farnsworth.

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... FOR DYING ... IN BG

JOE:

Oh. This is it, huh? And - and Farnsworth? What's gonna happen to him now?

JORDAN:

Just earthly remains for them to dispose of.

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, but me, Mr. Jordan? Me, Joe Pendleton?

JORDAN:

Why, you and I will be moving again, Joe, and searching.

JOE:

Oh, Mr. Jordan, why couldn't you give me just a little time? Don't you see? I'll lose her now. (CALLS, DESPERATELY) Bette! Bette?!

JORDAN:

Don't fight, Joe. Leave Farnsworth. Joe, leave Farnsworth.

SOUND:

BODY THUD!

MUSIC:

UP, FOR CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

After a brief intermission, Mr. DeMille presents Cary Grant, Claude Rains, Evelyn Keyes, and James Gleason in Act Three of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan." Over at the Martins the other evening, young Nancy had just come home from her Red Cross class and her mother met her-- (FADES OUT)

MOTHER:

Nancy? Bill just called. He said he'd come for you about nine for that dance at the club.

NANCY:

At nine, Mother?! Oh, goodness! Well, I'll hurry. But I'm gonna take time for my bath before I dress, just the same.

MOTHER:

Of course, dear. I'll draw some warm water. And there's a nice fresh cake of Lux Soap in the bathroom.

NANCY:

(CHUCKLES) Oh, Mama, you're wonderful!

SOUND:

SCENE CROSSFADES TO SPLASH OF WATER IN TUB ... THEN BEHIND--

NANCY:

Mmmm, this feels good. Golly! Don't know what I'd do without my Lux Soap beauty bath. I'm feeling better by the moment!

MUSIC:

BRIEF BRISK TRANSITION

NANCY:

There! Now I'm sure of being perfectly fresh! Gosh, I love the nice perfume Lux Toilet Soap leaves on my skin. Now to get dressed in a hurry!

MUSIC:

BRIEF BRISK TRANSITION

NANCY:

Hello, Bill! Why, thanks a million. I feel good, too.

MUSIC:

CLUB ORCHESTRA PLAYS DANCE TUNE ... THEN IN BG

BILL:

Gee, Nancy, I love to be near you. Your skin is so sweet.

MUSIC:

FADES GENTLY OUT BEHIND--

ANNOUNCER:

Looks as if Nancy's evening was going to be a great success. Well, she's one of those clever girls who follows the screen stars' tip. Never neglects her daily beauty bath with fragrant white Lux Toilet Soap. Here's what Claudette Colbert says--

CLAUDETTE COLBERT:

It makes a girl so attractive to have skin that's sweet. A daily Lux Soap beauty bath makes daintiness sure.

ANNOUNCER:

Why don't you take Hollywood's tip? Enjoy the luxury of a daily Lux Toilet Soap beauty bath -- a luxury any woman can afford, for this fine soap with Active Lather costs so little. Buy three cakes of Lux Toilet Soap tomorrow. Now, our producer, Mr. DeMille.

HOST:

The curtain rises on the third act of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan."

MUSIC:

OTHERWORLDLY INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND HOST--

HOST:

Joe Pendleton's spirit is roaming the world again, this time without a body, for Farnsworth has been killed and his remains hidden. It's the night of the Murdock fight. Joe and Mr. Jordan walk slowly along the street in front of the arena.

SOUND:

CITY TRAFFIC BACKGROUND ... ECHO ON VOICES OF JOE AND JORDAN

JORDAN:

Quite a crowd in there, Joe. Would you like to see part of the fight?

JOE:

Ah, no. What for? That ought to be me fightin' in there, not Murdock.

JORDAN:

Just as you like. We can hear it on the radio at the cigar store down there.

2ND NEWSIE:

Read all about it! Farnsworth disappearance still unsolved! Police question principals!

JOE:

Hey, hear that, Mr. Jordan? They haven't found Farnsworth yet. Where is he now?

JORDAN:

In the basement refrigerator. Tony Abbott and Julia got rid of him.

JOE:

Oh, the refrigerator? Nice guy, that Abbott.

SOUND:

FADE IN FILTERED VOICE OF RADIO BOXING ANNOUNCER ... EXCITED BUT INDECIPHERABLE, IN BG

JORDAN:

There's the fight, Joe. Want to listen to it?

JOE:

Hm? Okay, sure.

RADIO:

(UP) Murdock throws a right to Gilbert's body. And a left to the head and a another right to the body. Murdock is crowding Gilbert into the ropes. Ohhhh! There's a left to the chin. Another right, another left! And now they go into a clinch!

JORDAN:

That Murdock's a great fighter, Joe, and you know it. In your heart, you'd even like to be like him.

JOE:

Who, me?

RADIO:

Now they're out of it! Another right to the head! Gilbert swings wild and Murdock--! Murdock staggers! All of a sudden Murdock's quit! I don't get it. Gilbert didn't even touch him. That wild punch only grazed the side of Murdock's head and he's staggering-- (CONTINUES INDECIPHERABLY IN BG)

JOE:

Oh, my-- I don't believe it. Murdock was going like a buzz saw. Why should he quit?

JORDAN:

He was shot, Joe.

JOE:

What? Shot?

JORDAN:

By gamblers, from the ringside, because he wouldn't throw the fight.

JOE:

What? They shot him? Murdock, one of the cleanest guys in the game?

RADIO:

Gilbert's swarmin' all over Murdock now, cuttin' him to ribbons. He's down! Murdock's down! He's finally dropped. Fell in a heap!

JORDAN:

He's dead, Joe.

JOE:

Dead?

RADIO:

He's down! Flat on his face! The referee is trying to get Gilbert to a neutral corner.

JOE:

Oh, boy, I wish I could finish that fight for him!

JORDAN:

You can, Joe.

JOE:

What? You mean, I could take Murdock's place?

JORDAN:

We've just got time to make it. Come on, Joe.

RADIO:

(OVERLAPS WITH ABOVE) One, two, three, four--

SOUND:

SCENE FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SCENE FADES IN ... SPORTS ARENA BACKGROUND ... CROWD ROARS IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--

RADIO:

(VOICE NO LONGER FILTERED) --six, seven, eight, nine. He's up at the count of nine! Murdock is up! Oh, what a fight! One minute, lying there like a dead man, and now on his feet like a dynamo! It's amazing! Now he lets go with a terrific right! And a left and another right! Now Gilbert's down! The referee's counting. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Gilbert's out! And Murdock is the new champion! Ladies and gentlemen, this fight will go down in history as one of the most sensational encounters of all time! It's-- Hey, wait a minute. What's that thing Murdock's taking off the ring post in his corner? A saxophone! I didn't notice that there before. A saxophone!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

SMALL BUSTLING CROWD IN THE CHAMP'S DRESSING ROOM ... CROWD SLOWLY QUIETS AND EXITS DURING FOLLOWING--

LEFTY:

(TO CROWD) Aw, come on now, everybody outside! Outside now; the champ's gotta rest.

MAX:

(APPROACHES) Let me see him! I gotta see Murdock!

LEFTY:

(UNFRIENDLY) What do you want here, Corkle? Beat it.

JOE:

No, you don't! Let Corkle in here, Lefty.

LEFTY:

What's Corkle got to do with you?

JOE:

Plenty! And you get out of here, Lefty. You and the rest of 'em! Now, get out!

LEFTY:

(ANNOYED) How do you get that way? I'm your manager.

JOE:

Yeah -- and a fine crooked manager you turned out to be. Now, get out of here before I throw you out! Beat it!

LEFTY:

(MOVING OFF) Why, you must be nuts.

SOUND:

THE LAST OF THE CROWD EXITS WITH LEFTY ... DOOR SHUTS

JOE:

(CHEERFUL) Hello, Max.

MAX:

Listen, there's just one thing I want to know, Murdock. I was listenin' in to this fight and the guy said you had a saxophone. Where is it?

JOE:

Right here.

MAX:

That's it! Where'd you get it?! That's Joe Pendleton's sax. He always had it in the ring with him.

JOE:

Max, don't you know me?!

MAX:

(BEAT ... WOOZY) Ohhhhhhhhh. Are ya--? Are ya--? Are ya--?

JOE:

Sure! Joe Pendleton!

MAX:

Ohhhh, Joe-- Joe--

JOE:

Oh, no, Max, don't faint, don't faint!

MAX:

(RECOVERS) Ah, no, I'm all right. What are you doin' in Murdock's body?

JOE:

Oh, I just took Murdock's body to help him out. He was shot. Look. A hole in his chest!

MAX:

Oh, Joe, what kind of body is this to pick up? I better get a doctor.

JOE:

No, no, it's nothing.

MAX:

Nothin', you say, with a bullet in ya?! Hey, Joe, what about Farnsworth? Where is he?

JOE:

Oh, he's dead, Max. Tony Abbott shot him. Tell the cops to look in the basement icebox.

MAX:

Oh, boy, they'll hang that Abbott higher'n a kite.

JORDAN:

(ECHO) Hello, Joe.

JOE:

Oh, hello, Mr. Jordan!

MAX:

(LOW, NERVOUS) Hey, Joe, is he here again? ...

JOE:

Yeah. Yeah, Max. Look, would you mind waiting outside a minute? Go call the cops, Max. And then get in touch with Bette Logan. I wanna see her.

MAX:

Sure, sure. (MOVING OFF, NERVOUSLY, TO JORDAN) Well, I'm pleased to have met you again, Mr. Jordan. ...

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AS MAX EXITS ... ECHO ON JORDAN'S VOICE

JOE:

Ah, Mr. Jordan, I'm glad you came here. How did you like the fight?

JORDAN:

That was a nice job, Joe. You made Murdock very happy. He was told how it came out.

JOE:

He was? Oh, that's swell.

JORDAN:

You fought beautifully, Joe. Cleanly, scientifically. This is your niche, Joe. This is where you belong, where you were meant to be. World champion.

JOE:

(MODESTLY) Aw, no, not me. Murdock is. I don't mind helping him out, Mr. Jordan, but now get me out of this.

JORDAN:

Joe--

JOE:

Yeah?

JORDAN:

You remember I said you wouldn't be cheated?

JOE:

Yeah.

JORDAN:

Nobody is, really. You were meant to be champion. You are. This is your destiny, Joe. You're going to go on being Murdock.

JOE:

What? Yeah, but - but wait a minute. You're forgetting about Bette. What good is anything if I haven't got her?

JORDAN:

That's a chance you have to face, Joe, but don't worry. You'll have everything that was ordained for you.

JOE:

(UNEASY) Oh, I don't like it, Mr. Jordan.

JORDAN:

(REASSURING) This is your road, Joe. From now on, you're K.O. Murdock. There'll be no more memory of Joseph Pendleton. And everything's going to be all right. Goodbye, Joe.

JOE:

Wait! Listen!

JORDAN:

(MOVING OFF) Goodbye, Joe.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AS MAX ENTERS

MAX:

Hey, Joe, I called the cops.

JOE:

Huh? What do you want in here, Corkle?

MAX:

Listen, will ya? They found Farnsworth's body just like you said.

JOE:

I don't get it. I don't know any Farnsworth.

MAX:

Aw, now don't give me no answers like that, Joe. Have you got a fever, Joe? (REALIZES) Oh, sure. You got fever from being shot.

JOE:

Who was shot?

MAX:

You was. Look at your chest, you got a hole in-- (STUNNED) Heyyyyy. Where is it?

JOE:

Where's what?

MAX:

(NERVOUSLY) The - the - the - the bullet hole. ... You showed it to me.

JOE:

(GOOD-NATURED) You going crazy? Get out of here.

MAX:

I'm going around again. It's that guy Jordan. What did he do to you, Joe?

JOE:

Why do you keep calling me Joe?

MAX:

Oh, look at me. Take a good look at me. Don't you know me?

JOE:

Yeah, I think so.

MAX:

Well, who am I?

JOE:

Well, don't you know? ...

MAX:

Well, I got my doubts. You tell me.

JOE:

You're Corkle, Max Corkle.

MAX:

Who are you?

JOE:

K.O. Murdock. What's the matter with you?

MAX:

Do you--? Do you know Joe Pendleton?

JOE:

Yeah, sure. I knew Joe. He was killed in an airplane crash.

MAX:

Yeah, that's right.

JOE:

That was a tough break. Nice fella. Strictly on the level, too.

MAX:

(REALIZES HE'S LOST JOE, SADLY) Yeah, he certainly was.

JOE:

Yeah, I understand you are, too. Hey! How'd you like to manage me, Corkle?

MAX:

Manage you?

JOE:

Sure.

MAX:

(STILL SAD) Oh, yeah.

JOE:

Swell! Well, I got to be running along.

MAX:

Yeah, sure.

JOE:

(UPBEAT) Hey, what's the matter with you? Come on. Snap out of it. We're gonna do all right, Max.

MAX:

Yeah, sure.

JOE:

Any guys outside?

MAX:

No, they've all went.

JOE:

Good. Well, so long, Maxie.

MAX:

So long.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

MAX:

(QUIETLY) So long, Joe.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES AS JOE EXITS ... JOE'S BRISK STEPS FOR A COUPLE OF YARDS, THEN HE BUMPS INTO BETTE

BETTE:

(STARTLED) Oh!

JOE:

Sorry, miss. Uh-- You looking for somebody?

BETTE:

Yes, Mr. Corkle. They - they said he might be in Mr. Murdock's dressing room.

JOE:

(QUIETLY STRUCK) Say-- Don't I know you?

BETTE:

I - I don't think so.

JOE:

Uh-- No, no. No, I guess not. (EXHALES) I thought for a minute I did. Funny how sometimes you feel you know people.

BETTE:

Yes.

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... GENTLE ... IN BG

BETTE:

(SYMPATHETIC) Oh. Your eye is hurt.

JOE:

Oh, it's nothing. It's just a little swollen.

BETTE:

It's all red.

JOE:

Ah, it doesn't hurt. (AN INTRODUCTION) I'm Murdock.

BETTE:

Oh.

JOE:

Ralph Murdock. And you're, er--?

BETTE:

Bette Logan.

JOE:

(AWKWARD BEAT, THEN CHEERFULLY) Hello!

BETTE:

(AMUSED) How do you do?

JOE:

Yeah, glad to know ya. Uh, you interested in the fight game?

BETTE:

I knew a man who was.

JOE:

Do I know him?

BETTE:

Bruce Farnsworth. He - he was killed.

JOE:

Oh? Well, I'm sorry. Was he a friend of yours?

BETTE:

(SIMPLY) I loved him.

JOE:

Oh. Oh, that's tough.

BETTE:

Yes, but I don't know. Maybe it was the kindest thing. He - he was so troubled. I - I don't seem to feel--

JOE:

Wait. What did you do that for? You touched my face.

BETTE:

Your bandage was loose. I - I didn't mean to.

JOE:

Well, it felt kind of good. You know, you were looking at me just now. Kind of looking right through my eyes.

BETTE:

(STARTLED) What's that?

JOE:

Oh, don't be scared. They just turn the lights out for a second. It's just a warning -- "Everybody out."

BETTE:

Oh. (EXHALES WITH RELIEF)

JOE:

You know-- In the darkness, your voice sounded like I'd heard it someplace before. I couldn't remember where. You didn't feel that, did you?

BETTE:

(EMOTIONAL) Well, yes! I - I felt I was standing high up looking out over the sea. And someone was swimming toward me, shouting something. Something I - I felt I'd heard long ago.

JOE:

Yeah. I said, "Don't be scared."

BETTE:

Oh, did you?

JOE:

Yeah.

BETTE:

(EXHALES) People are always thinking they knew someone before in another existence.

JOE:

You know, I've had a feeling all night I was in a hurry to meet somebody I knew. Hey, uh-- There's a little place around the corner. It's a swell little place called Mike's where I go after the fights. You wouldn't want to--? No, I - I guess you wouldn't want to tonight, feeling the way you do about him. I guess not, huh?

BETTE:

(TO HERSELF, MUSES) What was it he said? If I were to meet a fighter, I was to-- (UP, TO JOE) I'd love to go with you, Mr. Murdock!

JOE:

(PLEASED) Okay! Swell!

SOUND:

JOE AND BETTE'S FOOTSTEPS AWAY

MUSIC:

BRIEFLY CHANGES TO OTHERWORLDLY, TO INDICATE PRESENCE OF JORDAN--

JORDAN:

(ECHO, AFFECTIONATELY) So long, Champ.

MUSIC:

UP, FOR CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

HOST:

A knockout blow to the blues by Cary Grant, Claude Rains, Evelyn Keyes, and James Gleason. Say a word to the folks in the radio audience, Champ.

GRANT:

Well, I'm sorry, I'll have to consult my manager.

GLEASON:

The champ wishes to state that it was a great fight.

RAINS:

Oh, he'll have to say more than that.

KEYES:

Think of the traditions of the ring!

GRANT:

Can't I get a word in to Mom?

GLEASON:

Okay, the champ wishes further to state, "Hello, Mom! He'll be right home."

GRANT:

Yeah!

KEYES:

Before you go, I'd like to tell the women in our audience something about Lux Soap.

GRANT:

Ah-ah-ah ah-ah! I don't think you can mention that here. How about it, C. B.?

HOST:

I don't know, Evelyn. You see, we don't really like to--

KEYES:

Well, I'm sorry, I just can't keep quiet about Lux Soap.

GRANT:

Ah-ah-ah ah-ah! You're liable to get C. B. in trouble.

KEYES:

Well, he should be if he doesn't want every woman to know what a grand complexion care Lux Soap is. I used it even before I came to Hollywood.

HOST:

Mm, that complexion is why I brought you to Hollywood, Evelyn. You've got a lot to thank Lux Soap for.

RAINS:

What's the story here next week, C. B., comedy or drama?

HOST:

Both comedy and drama, Claude. Because our play is the new Paramount motion picture, "Skylark." And our stars? Well, they're some of our brightest stars. The same ones you saw in the picture: Claudette Colbert, Ray Milland, and Brian Aherne. ... "Skylark" is the story of a girl who almost loses her husband. But when the girl is Claudette Colbert-- Well, I'll let you guess the answer.

GRANT:

Oh, that sounds swell, C. B. Good night!

KEYES:

Good night!

RAINS:

Good night.

GLEASON:

Good night.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE, IN BG

HOST:

Good night. Get ready for a return bout.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE OUT BEHIND--

MUSIC:

THEME ... THEN IN BG

HOST:

Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night, when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Claudette Colbert, Ray Milland, and Brian Aherne in "Skylark." This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

THEME ... UP AND OUT

ANNOUNCER:

Every dime and dollar you can give to your local "Fight Infantile Paralysis" campaign will be a vote of confidence for President Roosevelt on his sixtieth birthday. So fight with him to stamp out this disease. You can help, too, in the great War Emergency Drive of the Red Cross. Give all you can to the organization America always turns to in time of need.

Cary Grant is co-starring with Jean Arthur and Ronald Colman in a new George Stevens production at Columbia. Claude Rains will soon be seen in the Twentieth Century-Fox picture, "Moontide." Evelyn Keyes was heard tonight through the courtesy of Columbia Pictures and will soon be seen in "Adventures of Martin Eden." James Gleason appeared through the courtesy of Twentieth Century-Fox and is now seen in "My Gal Sal."

Heard in tonight's play were Howard McNear as the Messenger, Bernard Zanville as Tony, Torey Carleton as Julia, Thomas Mills as Sisk, and Charles Seel, Warren Ashe, Edward Marr, and Eugene Forsyth.

Tune in next Monday night to hear Claudette Colbert and Ray Milland, with Brian Aherne, in "Skylark." Our music was directed by Louis Silvers and your announcer has been Melville Ruick.

MUSIC:

THEME ... IN BG, UNTIL END

SOUND:

APPLAUSE, UNTIL END

ANNOUNCER:

This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.