MUSIC:

DRUM ROLL ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

From New York, where the American stage begins, NBC presents BEST PLAYS with John Chapman.

MUSIC:

THEME ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

BEST PLAYS, a series of hour-length dramas based on the famous theatrical books begun by the late Burns Mantle, now edited by the distinguished drama critic of the New York Daily News, John Chapman.

MUSIC:

UP BIG AND OUT

ANNOUNCER:

Mr. Chapman.

HOST:

Our play this evening, "Outward Bound," dates back to the season of 1923-24. That seems a long time ago, and maybe it is, but when some of the plays of that season come to mind, it seems like only yesterday, for a fine play never shows its age and remains vivid in the memory. There were some good plays that season -- George Kelly's "The Show-Off," for instance. Max Reinhardt's historic production of "The Miracle." There was a fantasy by George Kaufman and Marc Connelly, "Beggar on Horseback," which is fondly remembered. Kaufman and Connolly also had a musical going at that time called "Helen of Troy, New York," about a collar factory. Those were the days when men wore detached collars on their shirts and the symbol of manly beauty was the man in the Arrow collar advertisements. I can remember one song from that show -- I won't sing it now because I can't sing -- it's refrain was "the biggest fools that you can meet / are here on 42nd Street / in old New York."

Well, I'm sure that the most vividly and most fondly remembered drama from that season is Sutton Vane's "Outward Bound." Sutton Vane, an English actor and playwright, was named for his father who specialized in melodramas. "Outward Bound," as you will soon hear, is no melodrama, but an odd and absorbing play. Our company includes Jean Adair, Alexander Scourby, Susan Douglas, Chester Stratton, Leona Powers, and John Stanley.

Imagine now as the play begins that we are aboard what seems to be a small ocean liner, and that in just a few moments our ship will be sailing outward bound.

MUSIC:

BRASS FANFARE ... THEN BRIEF TENSE INTRODUCTION ... THEN OUT

SOUND:

SCRUBBY'S STEPS ALONG DECK, OUT AT [X] ... THE SHIP'S FOGHORN BLOWS AND BELLS CLANG INTERMITTENTLY IN BG--

SCRUBBY:

(JAUNTILY CROONING WORDLESSLY TO HIMSELF)

ANN:

Oh, I beg your pardon!

SCRUBBY:

[X] Oh, good morning, ma'am.

ANN:

You're the steward, aren't you?

SCRUBBY:

That's right, ma'am.

ANN:

I'm sorry to bother you, but the fog's so thick I'm afraid we've lost our way.

SCRUBBY:

Where do you want to get to, ma'am?

ANN:

Our cabin.

SCRUBBY:

You'll find all of those forward.

ANN:

Thank you.

SOUND:

ANN'S TAKES A FEW STEPS TOWARD HENRY

ANN:

Henry?

HENRY:

(SLIGHTLY OFF, WEARY AND DISTRACTED) Yes, darling?

ANN:

It's this way.

HENRY:

(CLOSER) Oh, I'm sorry. I was looking at the sea. What'd you say?

ANN:

Our cabin's forward, he told me.

HENRY:

Oh, thank you, steward. A bit confusing these boats, aren't they?

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir. To begin with.

ANN:

(TO HENRY) Come along, dear.

HENRY:

I'm awfully tired.

ANN:

Do you wonder -- after what you've been through?

HENRY:

I suppose not. But we'll have a wonderful trip, won't we?

ANN:

Yes, dear.

HENRY:

The rest and the peace and -- the forgetfulness?

ANN:

Of course, dear. Don't worry.

HENRY:

Give me your hand.

SCRUBBY:

I'm sure you'll have a pleasant trip, sir. If you'll excuse me.

SOUND:

SCRUBBY'S STEPS THROUGH SMOKE-ROOM DOOR, WHICH OPENS AND SHUTS, CUTTING OFF THE HORN AND BELLS ... SCUBBY BEGINS TO SING THE 1891 BRITISH MUSIC HALL COMEDY SONG, "Wot Cher! Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road"--

SCRUBBY:

(SINGS, TO HIMSELF) "Wot Cher!", all the neighbours cried / "Who yer gonna meet, Bill? / Have yer bought the street, Bill?"

TOM:

(INTERRUPTS, LIGHTLY) Well, you've been a long time.

SCRUBBY:

(SURPRISED) Oh, good morning, sir.

TOM:

This is the smoke-room, isn't it?

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir.

TOM:

What good is a smoke-room without a bar?

SCRUBBY:

Exactly, sir! What shall I get you?

TOM:

Whiskey.

SOUND:

SCRUBBY FIXES THE DRINK, IN BG

SCRUBBY:

No soda water, sir?

TOM:

No, no, no, no, thank you.

SCRUBBY:

All whiskey.

SOUND:

GLASS SET DOWN ON BAR

TOM:

As a matter of fact, you'll probably see a lot of me during this trip, so we might as well get acquainted, eh? (BEAT) How much?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, you needn't pay on this ship, sir.

TOM:

Hm?

SCRUBBY:

If you'll just sign this chit.

TOM:

Oh. (BEAT, AS HE SIGNS, DRINKS, EXHALES) I had a thick night last night.

SCRUBBY:

Indeed, sir?

TOM:

(REALIZES) Must have been devilish thick. I can't remember anything about it now. (DRINKS) Well, it's a good morning anyway.

SCRUBBY:

It is, sir. (HALF TO HIMSELF) Pity some people should be alive to spoil it.

TOM:

Hm? What's that?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, ah, I was talking to myself, sir.

TOM:

Hm. (BEAT) What's the old captain like on this tub?

SCRUBBY:

Very decent sort, I've heard, sir. Very respected, I know.

TOM:

Well, that sounds dull. Get me another, will you? The same.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... THEN CLOSES BEHIND--

MRS. C-BANKS:

(ENTERS, OFF) Na-ha! I thought I knew that boy!

TOM:

(UNHAPPY TO SEE HER, TO HIMSELF) What? Oh, really?

MRS. C-BANKS:

(CLOSER) So here you are, you naughty boy!

TOM:

(POLITE) Well, Mrs. Cliveden-Banks. How are you? What a surprise.

MRS. C-BANKS:

As soon as I saw Tom Prior on the passenger list, I asked for the bar, and here you are!

TOM:

Well, uh-- What are you doing here?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Joining my dear husband. I fear we're in for a very dull trip.

TOM:

Well, we must just try and cheer each other up then, Mrs. Banks.

MRS. C-BANKS:

By the way, darling, my name is Mrs. Cliveden hyphen Banks. (CHUCKLES) There was a plain Mrs. Banks in the divorce court lately. So silly of her, and so plain.

TOM:

Plain?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well, judging [from] the Daily Mirror. A total stranger of course. Still, it's made me very particular about my hyphen. Not that I am ever likely to appear in a divorce court.

TOM:

Oh, no, no. Of course not. Uh, well, Mrs. Cliveden-Banks, will you have a drink?

MRS. C-BANKS:

At this time in the morning? Goodness, no. (LOW) Er, Mr. Prior, did you realize there was a clergyman on board?

TOM:

Oh, how convenient. Part of the ship's service, eh?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well, heavens, no; a passenger. And everyone knows a clergyman is the worst possible luck at sea.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

TOM:

Oh, look out. Speak of the devil.

DUKE:

(ENTERS, CHEERFUL, TO TOM) Good morning. (TO MRS. C-BANKS) Good morning, madam.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(COOLLY) Mr. Prior, who is this man?

TOM:

Hmm? Oh, uh-- I don't know.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, well, never mind. There, let me see now, where was I?

DUKE:

I'm awfully sorry to bother you, madam, but could you tell me what the date is? I - I had this letter and I--

MRS. C-BANKS:

Are you trying to start a conversation with me?

DUKE:

(CHUCKLES, LIGHTLY) Well, frankly, when we are going to be shipmates, the sooner we get to know each other the better, don't you think? I'm William Duke.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(DISMISSIVE) Oh, really, I couldn't care less.

DUKE:

(TAKEN ABACK) I'm sorry, I didn't think introductions were necessary aboard ship.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well, possibly they may not have been in the days of Sir Walter Raleigh. Not having been there myself, I can't say for certain.

DUKE:

I - I beg your pardon, I - I'll go out on deck. (POLITE, TO TOM) Good day, sir.

SOUND:

DUKE EXITS OUT THE SMOKE-ROOM DOOR, WHICH OPENS ... THEN SHUTS BEHIND--

MRS. C-BANKS:

(EXHALES) Fancy that clergyman pushing his way like that. I - I cut him rather neatly, don't you think?

TOM:

(HIDES HIS DISAPPROVAL) To the bone.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... THEN SHUTS BEHIND--

MRS. C-BANKS:

(LOW, TO TOM) Well, good heavens, we're besieged on all sides. Look at that!

MRS. MIDGET:

(APPROACHES) You'll excuse me, mum, but you're the only other lady I've seen about -- barrin' meself -- and I've got to say something to someone. You see, mum, I've been struck all of a 'eap!

MRS. C-BANKS:

You've been what?

MRS. MIDGET:

Struck all of a 'eap.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(LOW, TO TOM) Oh, Mr. Prior, rescue me. And you'd better do something with this good woman, too. It seems she's been "struck all of a heap," whatever that may mean.

TOM:

(POLITE, TO MRS. MIDGET) Well, uh, what's the trouble?

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, well, sir, it went like this, as it were. Only last Saturday Mrs. Roberts and me were talkin' about the sheets bein' damp--

MRS. C-BANKS:

Of sheets being damp? Oh ho! The good woman is obviously a stewardess.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, no, mum, no. I'm a passenger.

MRS. C-BANKS:

A passenger?! (LOW, TO TOM) Good heavens, Mr. Prior, tell that steward to tell someone to take the good woman back to her proper place immediately. She's been wandering. She's - she's on the wrong deck. She's in the wrong class. (TO MRS. MIDGET) Erm, goodbye, good woman, goodbye.

MRS. MIDGET:

Thank you, mum.

TOM:

(TO SCRUBBY) Oh, steward, would you get someone to show this woman to the third class deck or something?

SCRUBBY:

Third class, sir? I think you made some mistake, sir. There's only one class on the boat.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(SHARP DISBELIEF) What was that?

TOM:

Only one class?

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir. It's the same on all this line.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(LOW, UPSET, TO TOM) Oh, Mr. Prior, this is impossible. Now, how am I to know who are the ladies and gentlemen and who are not?

TOM:

Oh, now now, don't get excited.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(RAPIDLY) Excited? Why-- Why, this woman-- This woman here. She - she probably eats.

TOM:

Extremely likely I should say.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well then, if she eats and if there's only one class, she'll eat in the same place as we shall. But it just can't be done!

TOM:

Now, there's no point in getting upset.

MRS. C-BANKS:

It would be quite impossible for me to lunch at the same table with a woman who has been "struck all of a heap"!

TOM:

I'll see what I can do. (TO MRS. MIDGET) Now, uh, madam--? What's your name?

MRS. MIDGET:

Er, Midget.

TOM:

(TAKEN ABACK) What?

MRS. MIDGET:

Midget.

MRS. C-BANKS:

There! That to begin with is an alibi. No one could possibly be named Midget.

MRS. MIDGET:

(QUICK RESENTMENT) Oh, couldn't I? Well, I'll show you whether they could or not, my lady 'Igh an' Mighty! My name's Midget, all right! Midget married me! And I've got me lines to prove it!

MRS. C-BANKS:

How dreadfully sordid.

TOM:

(SOOTHING, TO MRS. MIDGET) We're just trying to help. Now, what is your trouble? Are you ill?

MRS. MIDGET:

Am I ill? I don't think so. I don't feel ill. And yet I said to Mrs. Roberts last Thursday -- or was it Wednesday? Never mind, I said it to her anyways. I says, "What I want," says I-- Or did she say it to me? Oh, well, one of us says it to the t'other. "What I," or you, want -- according to whichever one of us did say it -- "is a thorough 'oliday." And then-- (BEAT) Oh, wait a minute. I remember now. It's all coming back. I've come on 'ere to meet somebody.

TOM:

Oh, that's it, is it?

MRS. MIDGET:

Yes, at the other end. It was our parson's idea. "A thorough 'oliday," of course. Oh, how silly of me to forget. I'm supposed to be 'ere to meet somebody, but I can't remember who. Perhaps that's because I ain't had anything to eat all day.

MRS. C-BANKS:

The woman is obviously light-headed. Have her removed. (BRISK, TO SCRUBBY) Steward, can you find this passenger's stewardess for her and have her put in charge? She's nervous, you see, never having been at sea.

SCRUBBY:

Certainly. This way, ma'am.

MRS. MIDGET:

(MOVING OFF) Thank you, sir. Thank you kindly.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS AS SCRUBBY AND MRS. MIDGET EXIT

TOM:

(TO MRS. C-BANKS) Seems harmless enough.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I suspect she's one of a gang of international crooks. Look at the way she scraped acquaintance with me.

SOUND:

FOGHORN BLOWS

TOM:

Well, I suppose that means we're sailing shortly.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(ENTHUSIASTIC) Oh, then I shall go up deck and wave farewell to the dear old White Cliffs. I'm told that on many parts of the coast they're crumbling fast, but still, "England, England, there is no country like her"!

TOM:

(DRY) Thank goodness.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Why do you say that?

TOM:

Well, that's what other countries say.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh. Well, come along now, and - and protect me from the mob.

TOM:

(VERY DRY) Uh, no, thanks. I'd far rather remain here and slip away from my native land oblivious of her disregard for me.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(AMUSED) Oh, you're a naughty boy, Tom Prior. Still-- (CHUCKLES) I'll see you later.

MUSIC:

BRIEF BRIDGE

SOUND:

WIND BLOWS, THEN IN BG ... FOOTSTEPS ON DECK

TOM:

That you, reverend?

DUKE:

I beg your pardon?

TOM:

It's Tom Prior. I - I want to apologize.

DUKE:

Whatever for?

TOM:

Oh, cutting you stone dead like that silly old woman I was with.

DUKE:

Oh, that's all right.

TOM:

She had some idea you were bad luck. It was ridiculous for me to play along with her, but of course I - I'm a very weak character.

DUKE:

(AMUSED) Strong of you to admit it.

TOM:

I'm easily swayed. I can't think why. (AN OFFER) Drink? I always carry emergency rations.

SOUND:

UNSCREWING A FLASK

DUKE:

No. No, thank you.

TOM:

(DRINKS) That's my problem. I always agree with anyone I'm with. She was to blame entirely.

DUKE:

I've always found it an unwise habit to run down other people. They have a nasty way of hearing about it and retaliating.

TOM:

Well, you're not going to preach a sermon, are you?

DUKE:

Oh, goodness, no. No more sermons for me for a bit. I'm sick of them. Never did any good. (DEEPLY FELT) I think that we should all enjoy ourselves on this trip, don't you?

TOM:

Hmm?

DUKE:

Live every minute of it.

TOM:

Well, if you mean something like a cold bath before breakfast, I don't.

DUKE:

Oh, no, but we must arrange to enjoy every moment of the trip.

TOM:

Why?

DUKE:

Because we're meant to.

TOM:

Oh?

DUKE:

We must organize among ourselves. For instance, we'll get up a concert!

TOM:

(UNENTHUSIASTIC) Must we get up a concert?

DUKE:

But of course!

TOM:

How awful.

DUKE:

I say, do you sing?

TOM:

No.

DUKE:

Oh, that's a pity.

TOM:

Do you recite?

DUKE:

No.

TOM:

That's excellent. Reverend, as far as I'm concerned, all we need for the passengers' amusement is through that door.

DUKE:

The bar?

TOM:

Precisely. (SOUND: THEIR STEPS TO DOOR) Will you join me?

DUKE:

If you like.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... THEIR STEPS IN ... DOOR SHUTS, CUTTING OFF WIND

TOM: Where's that steward?

LINGLEY:

The steward isn't here, that's what. No efficiency, no efficiency. How do you do? My name's Lingley of Lingley Limited.

TOM:

(DRY) Hooray.

LINGLEY:

[Once in my state-room I don't suppose I'll leave it -- till we touch -- er -- er -- Marseilles.] Where the devil is the steward? I haven't got time to waste here. I've got work to do. (CALLS) Steward!

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES) Right here, sir.

LINGLEY:

Ginger ale with ice!

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir.

LINGLEY:

How much?

SCRUBBY:

You needn't pay, sir.

LINGLEY:

I always pay! How much?

SCRUBBY:

One shilling, sir.

LINGLEY:

Very well. Here's one shilling.

SCRUBBY:

Thank you, sir.

LINGLEY:

What for? I haven't tipped you. (TO TOM AND DUKE) If you gentlemen will excuse me, I have work to do. I'm a Member of Parliament, you know.

DUKE:

Oh! Pleased to meet you.

LINGLEY:

Not at all. I'm on the London County Council as well. Incidentally I own twenty-one music-halls, a chain of cinemas, two gold mines, and a Methodist chapel. Naturally they want looking after.

DUKE:

Oh, naturally. What are you doing with the chapel?

LINGLEY:

Having it pulled down.

TOM:

(DRY) Sportsman.

LINGLEY:

(TO TOM) You! I know your face, don't I? Never forget a face.

TOM:

How that must sadden your sweet life at times.

LINGLEY:

Where have I seen it before?

TOM:

Oh, in your office. You gave me a job that lasted two days. I couldn't stand the atmosphere, so I drowned it in drink.

LINGLEY:

By Jove! I remember. I remember. You were sacked mechanically.

TOM:

Yes, you wouldn't give me a second chance.

LINGLEY:

No one's ever given me a second chance. Never expect one. I shall certainly never ask for one.

TOM:

In my opinion, Mr. Lingley, M.P., L.C.C., you are a pompous old idiot.

LINGLEY:

How dare you? You must be crazy!

TOM:

I'm not in your ghastly office now; I can say what I like. You're a blue-nosed baboon! There! I've dreamed I've said that to you for weeks, and now I've said it.

LINGLEY:

Mr. Prior, you're obviously drunk!

TOM:

I am drunk, I admit, but I trusted not obviously.

LINGLEY:

(FLUSTERED, TO HIMSELF) I - I shall go on deck. Where are my papers? I've been irritated. The doctor said I must not be irritated. I have too much to do to be irritated.

DUKE:

I'm sure Mr. Prior didn't mean--

TOM:

(INTERRUPTS, INSISTENT) I did. I did. Every word of it!

DUKE:

But--

TOM:

Shut up. He's a pink-eyed rabbit. He's a rotter. He's a grasper--

LINGLEY:

(INTERRUPTS, STRICKEN) Silence, sir! For goodness' sake, silence! I shan't be able to concentrate after this interruption. I came here for peace, confound you. I've been thinking too hard as it is and now this little gnat-- He's - he's destroyed what I've nearly completed in my mind. Confound you, sir, I'm sick of opposition. I--

SOUND:

FOGHORN BLAST

LINGLEY:

(WEAKLY) Oh, my god.

SOUND:

LINGLEY FALLS INTO CHAIR

DUKE:

Mr. Lingley, what is it?

LINGLEY:

Wait -- wait.

DUKE:

You're looking ill.

LINGLEY:

Yes, I - I am ill. I'm - I'm feeling ill, I am. Suddenly. I must have help. I - I was warned about this. An arm, please, and some of that stuff you're drinking, Prior.

TOM:

Here you are.

LINGLEY:

(DRINKS, EXHALES) Thank you. I shall be all right in a minute.

DUKE:

I'll get the ship's doctor.

LINGLEY:

No, he'll only irritate me. I know what to do. I've been told what to do. Absolute quiet and fresh air. I'll go on deck. Oh, yes, I - I've forgotten. I'm to take one of these capsules. (BEAT, SWALLOWS, EXHALES) Thank you. I must keep quiet, calm, and not think. I shall be all right in a minute. I'll see a doctor when I get to-- Get to--?

DUKE:

Marseilles, you said, sir.

LINGLEY:

Oh, yes, of course, Marseilles. (BEAT, PUZZLED) What am I going to Marseilles for?

DUKE:

Don't worry now.

LINGLEY:

No, no. Don't worry, that's right. I felt quite faint for the moment, Mr. Duke. Your drink has done me good. I know what I'm doing, of course. I - I know. Already I'm better. (COUGHS, CONFUSED) But - where am I going to? I'm going to meet someone, but -- was it Aaronson? Bantock? (COUGHS)

DUKE:

You don't look well, Mr. Lingley.

LINGLEY:

Of course not, of course not. He irritated me. I shall go on deck. (MOVING OFF) I don't feel well at all. I can't concentrate. I can't remember where I'm going.

SOUND:

DURING ABOVE, LINGLEY'S STEPS TO SMOKE-ROOM DOOR, WHICH OPENS ... WIND BLOWS ON DECK ... CUT OFF WHEN DOOR SHUTS AND LINGLEY EXITS

TOM:

Reverend--? What was it?

DUKE:

I don't know. Some sort of attack. I'm going to stop him.

TOM:

Reverend--?

DUKE:

Well--?

TOM:

It was my fault, I suppose.

DUKE:

Oh, no, I--

TOM:

(INTERRUPTS) Are you angry with me?

DUKE:

Why should I be?

TOM:

You know. I - I think I'll have another drink.

DUKE:

Haven't you had enough?

TOM:

You promised no sermons.

DUKE:

Prior, drink is a terrible thing--

TOM:

(INTERRUPTS) Reverend, you're keen on group games and concerts. Drink is my hobby. Let's leave it at that.

DUKE:

Please don't joke about it.

TOM:

Ah, man, I take drinking very seriously indeed.

DUKE:

Well, I'll see you later, Prior. (MOVING OFF) I should see if Mr. Lingley's all right.

TOM:

Just a moment!

DUKE:

(APPROACHES) What is it?

TOM:

(SERIOUS, TROUBLED) Has it struck you by any chance that there's something queer about this boat?

DUKE:

No, it hasn't.

TOM:

Well, it has me.

DUKE:

How do you mean?

TOM:

There was a charwoman here just now. Hardly the kind of person you'd expect to find here. And she couldn't remember where she was going, except that she was going to meet someone. Now this Lingley fellow-- He couldn't remember where he was going either, at least not clearly. Then there's old Mrs. Banks driveling about joining her husband. It's just struck me that--

DUKE:

(BEAT) What has?

TOM:

Colonel Cliveden-Banks kicked the bucket months ago. Surely she can't have forgotten that. (PUZZLED) Or was that her father?

DUKE:

Mr. Prior, if you'll take my advice, you'll take Mr. Lingley's example and take some fresh air on deck.

TOM:

Yes. Yes, I - I think I will. I think I need some air. A lot of air. (SOUND: SMOKE-DOOR OPENS, TOM'S STEPS) (TO HIMSELF) A lot of air.

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS ... WIND BLOWS, IN BG ... TOM'S STEPS ON DECK ... TOM COLLIDES WITH HENRY

TOM:

(GRUNTS)

HENRY:

(GRUNTS) So sorry.

TOM:

(APOLOGETIC) I didn't see you. Can't see much of anything.

HENRY:

Are you all right?

TOM:

Look here. Do you mind if I ask you a question?

HENRY:

Of course not.

TOM:

It's a rather queer one.

HENRY:

Go on.

TOM:

(BEAT) Do you know where you're going?

HENRY:

(LIGHTLY) You a Salvation Army man?

TOM:

I'm quite serious.

HENRY:

Of course I know where I'm going.

TOM:

On this boat?

HENRY:

Certainly.

TOM:

(RELIEVED, QUIETLY) Thank goodness. (UP) Thank goodness. Thank you. I - I'm going to get some fresh air.

SOUND:

TOM'S STEPS AWAY ... ANN'S STEPS APPROACH

ANN:

(APPROACHES) Who was that, Henry?

HENRY:

I - I don't know.

ANN:

(BEAT) We're sailing now.

HENRY:

Really?

ANN:

Almost open water.

HENRY:

Give me your hand.

ANN:

Oh, hold tight to it.

HENRY:

It's queer. It's - just like an ordinary sailing.

ANN:

Is it?

HENRY:

You know, that man just now, he asked me if I knew where I was going.

ANN:

Yes?

HENRY:

Funny question, wasn't it?

ANN:

I don't know.

HENRY:

Look, Ann, I'm worried. I've been thinking just now -- these modern inventions doctors have--

ANN:

Please don't worry.

HENRY:

They couldn't possibly call us back even now, could they?

ANN:

Of course not, how could they? We're safe enough as long as we hold tight.

HENRY:

(EXHALES) It was a risk though, wasn't it?

ANN:

Yes, dear.

HENRY:

I think you were always more certain than I was. You seem to know so much more about the big things than I do.

ANN:

Perhaps I only pretend to.

HENRY:

Oh, Ann. Darling, I do love you.

ANN:

I love you, Henry.

HENRY:

Always?

ANN:

Always.

HENRY:

(BEAT) I wonder how the dog is.

ANN:

Oh, you baby. They'll look after him, all right.

HENRY:

I hope so. Ann, when dogs die, what do you think happens to them?

ANN:

I don't know. There must be a heaven for dogs. At least I hope so.

HENRY:

Y'know, it's queer. Ann, you don't think--?

ANN:

What?

HENRY:

--any of these people could possibly know?

ANN:

Our secret? Of course they can't.

HENRY:

Oh, I wonder if it's safe, even now.

ANN:

What makes you say that?

HENRY:

Ann, darling, could they separate us? I'm trying so hard to remember. Suppose we'd done something that isn't - isn't right. They couldn't separate us then, could they?

ANN:

That sort of thing is all over now, Henry. You've forgotten our secret.

HENRY:

Oh, you know I haven't. But I remember that just before we left the flat--

ANN:

Our sad little flat.

HENRY:

--I - I forgot to turn off the gas.

ANN:

Of course you did, Henry. We agreed to that. That's what we agreed.

HENRY:

(TROUBLED) But they couldn't separate us for that, could they? I wish I could remember how we got here. I know we wandered for so long. Now we're here.

ANN:

(CHANGES THE SUBJECT) Let's walk around the deck, Henry.

HENRY:

All right.

SOUND:

HENRY AND ANN TAKE A FEW STEPS ... THEN STOP

HENRY:

(MILDLY SURPRISED) Hello.

TOM:

(SLIGHTLY OFF, SOBERLY) Hello.

ANN:

I didn't see you standing there.

TOM:

(OFF, UNDERSTANDINGLY) I know.

HENRY:

(AWKWARDLY) Well, if - you'll excuse us. Come along, Ann.

SOUND:

HENRY AND ANN STEPS AWAY BRISKLY

TOM:

(BEAT, TO HIMSELF) I was right.

SOUND:

TOM'S DETERMINED STEPS TO SMOKE-ROOM DOOR, WHICH OPENS

TOM:

Steward?

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT THE WIND

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir?

TOM:

What's your name?

SCRUBBY:

Scrubby, sir.

TOM:

I am right, aren't I, Scrubby?

SCRUBBY:

Right, sir? In the head, sir?

TOM:

You know what I mean.

SCRUBBY:

Right about what, sir?

TOM:

You -- I -- all of us on this boat.

SCRUBBY:

What about all of us on this boat, sir?

TOM:

Answer me truthfully, Scrubby. We're all dead, aren't we?

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... GENTLY

SCRUBBY:

(SIMPLY) Yes, sir. We're all dead. Quite dead. They don't find out so soon as you did, as a rule.

TOM:

Queer.

SCRUBBY:

Not when you get used to it, sir.

TOM:

How long have you been--?

SCRUBBY:

Me, sir? Well, I was lost young.

TOM:

You were what?

SCRUBBY:

Lost young, sir.

TOM:

I don't understand.

SCRUBBY:

No, sir, you wouldn't. Not yet. But you'll get to know lots of things as the voyage goes on.

TOM:

Tell me one thing now.

SCRUBBY:

Anything I can, sir.

TOM:

Where are we sailing for?

SCRUBBY:

(BEAT) Heaven, sir. And - hell, too. It's the same place, you see.

MUSIC:

UP FOR A GRIM ACCENT, WHICH ACTS AS A TRANSITION ... THEN OUT

LINGLEY:

Well, Mrs. Banks, I could tell you one thing. This line can't be paying anything in dividends. There's nobody on board.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Nobody who is anybody.

LINGLEY:

How about that couple at dinner who sat in the corner? The girl's name is, er, Ann, I think.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, that couple?

LINGLEY:

Yes.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Did you like the look of them?

LINGLEY:

Didn't notice.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I thought there was something funny about them.

LINGLEY:

Funny?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well, you know. I may be wrong. I hope I am. But that's my opinion. Not nice. Funny.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR CLOSES AS DUKE AND MRS. MIDGET ENTER

DUKE:

Right this way, Mrs. Midget.

MRS. MIDGET:

May I come in?

DUKE:

Of course.

MRS. MIDGET:

It's a bit lonely on the street.

DUKE:

Street?

MRS. MIDGET:

Out there.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, she means the deck. How quaint.

DUKE:

(TO MRS. MIDGET) Sit down.

SOUND:

MRS. MIDGET SITS

DUKE:

There. You're not nervous now, are you?

MRS. MIDGET:

Not with you, sir. You wear just the same sort of collar that our parson does. Oh, I wish I was back on Lambeth Road.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(LOW) Oh, impossible. Mr. Lingley, I shall squash her. Fancy her crowding in here. (UP) Mrs. Midget, I suppose you travel a great deal?

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, yes, every day. Lambeth to the bank, and from the bank back to Lambeth. Working in the city is "how-do-you-do."

MRS. C-BANKS:

(IRONIC) The city, how enthralling. (CHUCKLES) Big financial interests, I presume.

MRS. MIDGET:

No. Scrubbin' floors. Since I lost all me money. Do you know, all of you -- believe me or believe me not -- I once had a house of me very own?

MRS. C-BANKS:

How magnificent.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, wasn't it? Semi-detached. Took in lodgers, you know. Made enough to make me son a gentleman, anyway. Sent him to college to prove it.

MRS. C-BANKS:

How romantic.

DUKE:

Oh, Cambridge or Oxford? Perhaps I've met him. Where is he now?

MRS. MIDGET:

I don't rightly know. Havin' become a gentleman, he naturally lost all his money. And his money was my money. I ain't seen him since. He ain't seen me, not to know me, since he was a very little boy. I got me brother-in-law -- he's rich -- to take him over and manage things for me. Oh, he's been a good boy.

LINGLEY:

(IRONIC) Hmm. Sounds it.

MRS. MIDGET:

He was, I tell ya. A real gentleman, just like that Mr. Prior. That's what gentlemen are really like. Always broke, bless 'em, and then havin' "another one" just to make 'em forget about it. Just like that Mr. Prior.

LINGLEY:

(DISAPPROVAL) Hmmph! Prior? Hoo!

MRS. MIDGET:

Well, I like him anyway.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Poor Mr. Prior. And I hear he's always like that nowadays. A real bad lot, in fact. Where is he now, I wonder, Mr. Lingley?

LINGLEY:

Sleeping it off, if he's a wise man, which he isn't.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS TOM ENTERS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY IN BG

DUKE:

(SURPRISED) Oh-- (CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY) Mr. Prior.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND

MRS. C-BANKS:

Why, Mr. Prior, we were just talking about you.

TOM:

Indeed?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Yes, I was saying, what a steady hand.

TOM:

Don't waste any more of your breath than is necessary, Mrs. Clivedon-Banks. Nor any of you here.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I beg your pardon?

TOM:

You don't have to believe me if you don't want to, but it's true all the same. (BEAT) We're dead people!

SOUND:

THE OTHERS -- DUKE, LINGLEY, MRS. MIDGET, MRS. C-BANKS -- ALL GASP, SCOFF, MURMUR DISAPPROVAL, ET CETERA ... "Ridiculous" "Why, what did he say?"

LINGLEY:

(SNIDELY) Why don't you sleep it off?

TOM:

I'm sober enough now. I'll walk a chalk line on the floor if you like.

MRS. MIDGET:

(MILDLY DISTRESSED) Er, why doesn't someone put the young man to bed? It - it'd be much kinder.

TOM:

I'm sober, I tell you. I began to suspect it this morning before lunch. Nobody seemed to remember where they were going. I didn't remember for a minute where I was going. Then I remembered, then I got drunk. Naturally, all my life I've started to face facts by getting drunk. Look, I've been all over the ship, into the officers' quarters and everything. There's no one on board. No captain, no crew, no nothing. There's no one on board.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Why, I've never heard anything like-- Why, the man is losing his mind.

TOM:

No one but the steward. And do you know where he is now? He's in the rigging! Sitting cross-legged up in the rigging. I've just seen him.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, no, no, no. I've never heard anything like this.

TOM:

You don't believe me, eh? All right. All right. Whom have you seen on board ship since you've sailed? Mrs. Midget, who helped you this morning?

MRS. MIDGET:

The steward. He got me a nice hot cup of tea.

TOM:

You, Reverend. Whom have you spoken to?

DUKE:

Well, really, I have seen men about, of course.

TOM:

Have you? Have you indeed? Have you spoken to anyone?

MRS. C-BANKS:

Well, you don't expect us to talk to sailors, do you, Mr. Prior? Able-bodied though they may be. Heh!

LINGLEY:

(WITH AMUSED SKEPTICISM) Er, did you see the engine room?

TOM:

No. (POINTEDLY) I couldn't find it.

LINGLEY:

Pity. I thought you were going to say the ship was worked by elastic bands. (LAUGHS)

TOM:

It's no joke. Reverend, where are you landing?

DUKE:

Well, I - I'm going to take a little holiday, that's all.

TOM:

(MILDLY TRIUMPHANT) You can't remember. I'm right, you see?

LINGLEY:

I wish you'd get out, sir. We want to play cards.

TOM:

Why I should try to warn you, I don't know, but I've been all over this ship, I tell you--

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS HENRY AND ANN ENTER ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY IN BG

HENRY:

Oh, excuse me.

TOM:

You're just in time, the two of you. Come in.

ANN:

(UNEASY) Henry, I don't think we'd better.

TOM:

Come in!

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND

TOM:

You know. You knew this morning.

HENRY:

(SLOWLY) Knew what?

ANN:

(VERY DISTRESSED) Henry, don't talk to him. He frightens me.

TOM:

Yes, yes, I suppose I do. I know as well, you see.

LINGLEY:

Mr. Duke, as a clergyman, you must be more used to unpleasantness than anyone else. Will you please take this man to the doctor or lock him up? He's not well.

TOM:

I tell you, there is no doctor, no one! (BEAT) Look, everyone, I'll make a bargain with you.

LINGLEY:

What is it?

TOM:

There are no lights out there. No lights at all. Have you ever heard of a ship with no port or starboard lights?

SOUND:

THEY ALL SCOFF

TOM:

Go out there and see. If I'm wrong, I'll go quietly!

MRS. MIDGET:

Well, now that seems fair.

TOM:

Reverend, will you go?

DUKE:

Well, just to satisfy you -- if you keep your word.

TOM:

And you'll tell the truth?

DUKE:

Of course.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND ... AS DUKE EXITS

LINGLEY:

(WITH DISAPPROVAL) Weak. Weak. Shouldn't humor him.

TOM:

Don't you run the church down. Take my advice. You may want her help very badly before long.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I simply ignore you, Mr. Prior.

SOUND:

OF A DRUM ... A HEAVILY MUFFLED, MYSTERIOUS, OMINOUS BEATING ... THEN IN BG--

TOM:

Listen, listen. (PAUSE) You hear that? Like a drum. A muffled drum.

LINGLEY:

You're drunk, sir, and you're in the wrong--

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT BOTH THE WIND AND THE DRUM ... AS DUKE ENTERS

TOM:

Well, Duke? What's out there?

ANN:

It's all right, of course.

LINGLEY:

Duke? It is all right?

DUKE:

Of course.

LINGLEY:

Everything?

DUKE:

Everything.

SOUND:

THE NEXT FEW LINES RAPIDLY OVERLAP--

LINGLEY:

I tell you, the man's drunk.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, well, of course. I knew it all the time.

TOM:

You liar! You liar! Come with me, Duke. I'll show you.

DUKE:

Stop it, Prior. Stop it.

TOM:

You swore to tell the truth! You're a liar! A dirty liar!

DUKE:

Get him, Lingley!

TOM:

(RAVING) I'll show him. No more lies! I'm trying to help! We're dead, do you hear?! We're all dead!

MUSIC:

AGITATED, FOR A SCUFFLE ... SNEAKS IN DURING ABOVE ... THEN TOPS EVERYTHING FOR A GRIM TRANSITION

DUKE:

You all right, Prior?

TOM:

(SULLENLY) You be quiet.

DUKE:

Now the ladies are safely out of the way, I want to apologize, Prior.

TOM:

Why?

DUKE:

Because -- you were right.

LINGLEY:

What?

DUKE:

There isn't a light on board. I'm not even certain that we're moving.

TOM:

Then why didn't you say so?

DUKE:

I didn't want to alarm the ladies. But something must be done. We must all do something immediately.

TOM:

What?

LINGLEY:

To begin with, somebody will have to ring a bell.

DUKE:

Yes, yes. And have the steward explain. Good.

TOM:

(CALLS) Scrubby! (TO DUKE) Ask him.

LINGLEY:

We ought to do something. We may be drifting. We'll hit a rock.

SCRUBBY:

No, no, sir. You won't do that.

LINGLEY:

(MILDLY SURPRISED) Where did you come from? What's all this nonsense? I can't stand excitement. Where's the captain?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, er, he left long ago, sir.

LINGLEY:

When I get back to London, I'm--

SCRUBBY:

I'm afraid you won't get back to London, sir.

LINGLEY:

Take me to the captain, sir! You're only a servant, do you hear?!

DUKE:

Mr. Lingley, I think we should all keep our tempers.

SCRUBBY:

That's all right. I've known a lot of them to get angry at first.

LINGLEY:

What do you mean, sir?

SCRUBBY:

People like you who are just beginnin'.

LINGLEY:

Beginning?

SCRUBBY:

To be passengers.

TOM:

What you told me this morning was true, wasn't it?

SCRUBBY:

What? Dead, sir? Quite dead, sir.

LINGLEY:

Speak for yourself, sir!

DUKE:

(QUIETLY CONTEMPLATIVE) 'Tis queer.

SCRUBBY:

Why, sir? We didn't think it was queer when we were born.

LINGLEY:

I must get out of this. I must get out.

SCRUBBY:

That, sir, is impossible until after the examination.

LINGLEY:

What examination?

SCRUBBY:

You'll find out later, sir.

LINGLEY:

Well, don't stand there, all of you, saying nothing. What are we to do? You, Duke -- you're always talking about doing things. What are we to do?!

DUKE:

I really don't know. Of course, if we're all quite certain, a prayer--

LINGLEY:

(INTERRUPTS CURTLY) That won't do any good.

SCRUBBY:

There's no danger, gentlemen, if that's what you're frightened of.

LINGLEY:

I'm not frightened.

TOM:

Well, I am.

DUKE:

Steward? How many times have you made this passage?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, about five thousand times, sir.

DUKE:

And it's always been like this?

SCRUBBY:

Not always, sir. The passengers don't find out so quickly as a rule. I suppose it's because of the 'alf-ways we have got on board this trip.

DUKE:

Half-ways?

LINGLEY:

Now, there's no point standing here talking to a lunatic. The question is, what is to be done?

SCRUBBY:

There's nothing to be done. Just go on as if nothing had happened until the examination.

LINGLEY:

Don't talk to me as if I were a schoolboy.

SCRUBBY:

It is rather like going to school, sir.

LINGLEY:

(BEAT) I'm asleep. That's it. I'm just asleep. I've had dreams like this before. Go away, all of you. I'm Lingley of Lingley Limited. Not one of you can touch me. I turned myself into a company several years ago. (BEAT) Steward? I am asleep, aren't I?

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir. If you like, sir.

LINGLEY:

Then I shall go away somewhere until I wake up. I'll wake up. I'll get out of this.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT THE WIND ... AS LINGLEY EXITS

SCRUBBY:

(MOVING OFF) I'd better go look after him, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR CLOSES, SHUTS OUT WIND ... AS SCRUBBY EXITS

TOM:

(PAUSE) Well?

DUKE:

Well. You know, I'm - I'm quite a young man and there is such a lot of work to be done after my holiday.

TOM:

You still won't believe it, will you? Here, try some of this whiskey.

DUKE:

No, thanks, I don't think I will, if you'll excuse me, in case we meet anyone.

TOM:

It's a great chance for you, isn't it? Professional advancement, I mean.

HENRY:

(AWKWARDLY) If you'll excuse me, gentlemen; my wife, she's out there.

TOM:

You knew, didn't you? You knew all along.

HENRY:

(DISTRESSED) I knew nothing. I know nothing now. Good night.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES ... WIND BLOWS, IN BG ... HENRY'S STEPS ON DECK TO ANN

HENRY:

(CALLS) Ann? Ann?

ANN:

What is it?

HENRY:

Ann, come here.

ANN:

(AS THEY EMBRACE) I'm with you, Henry.

HENRY:

Listen, darling. They know - we're dead. They found out our secret.

ANN:

(FRIGHTENED) I know.

HENRY:

What will they do to us?

ANN:

They won't separate us, will they?

MUSIC:

CURTAIN

ANNOUNCER:

In a moment we'll return with Act II of "Outward Bound" on BEST PLAYS. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

MUSIC:

TAG

ANNOUNCER:

We return to the BEST PLAYS production of "Outward Bound" by Sutton Vane. And here again is John Chapman.

HOST:

This is the story of a strange voyage, and of an extraordinary company of shipmates who suddenly discover that their mysterious vessel is bearing them to the Land of Death across the black waters, perhaps of the River Styx -- "Outward Bound."

MUSIC:

INTRODUCTION ... EERIE, UNWORLDLY

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS TOM ENTERS ... WIND BLOWS, IN BG--

LINGLEY:

You're late, Prior. You're late. You're all late.

TOM:

Late for what?

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND

LINGLEY:

The meeting. Where's Duke?

TOM:

On deck. Might interest you to know we've just sighted land.

LINGLEY:

You mean land? Really land?

TOM:

Yes, we've just sighted hell. It looks like quite a nice place from here. The reverend has arranged a sweepstakes on the exact time it'll take us to get in. You know, he's suddenly developed a sense of humor.

LINGLEY:

(EXHALES, EXASPERATED) Where is everybody?

TOM:

Oh, getting nervous, Lingley of Lingley Limited?

LINGLEY:

Oh, be quiet.

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES) Do you have enough chairs, sir?

LINGLEY:

Yes, yes, yes, indeed. Here's a half crown for your trouble.

SCRUBBY:

Thank you, sir.

TOM:

What's the object of this meeting, anyway?

LINGLEY:

Well, as a businessman, I've called it to talk things over.

TOM:

You would. You think that a good report and complete minutes would impress the examiner. Of course, you'll be the chairman.

LINGLEY:

Naturally. I seem to be the only one qualified. Prior, when I was a boy--

TOM:

(INTERRUPTS) Were you ever a boy?

LINGLEY:

When I was a boy, I made my motto, "try and rely on yourself." At 37, I made it, "rely on yourself." And at 47, "rely on yourself absolutely." Because then if you fail, all your friends will only say it serves you right.

TOM:

Oh? Had you any friends at 47?

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS MRS. C-BANKS AND DUKE ENTER ... WIND BLOWS, IN BG--

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, I'm so sorry to be late. Dear me!

SOUND:

CHAIR SCRAPE

LINGLEY:

(A GREETING) Mrs. Cliveden-Banks.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, is this chair for me? Why, thank you.

LINGLEY:

Well, perhaps we'd better start.

DUKE:

(APPROACHES, VERY CHEERFUL) Hello, Tom. Hello, Lingley.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND

DUKE:

Hello, Banky.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Banky?

DUKE:

Oh, yes, we're all dead, and I can be quite natural. We can all do as we like now. Uh, Prior, have you heard this one? I've been dying to spring this one for ages. There was a young girl from Hong Kong--

MRS. C-BANKS:

(INTERRUPTS, AMUSED) Oh, I know that one. (CHUCKLES)

DUKE:

Yes, I overheard one of my choir boys reciting it in the vestry.

LINGLEY:

Uh, suppose your bishop heard you.

DUKE:

(MERRILY) Impossible, I'm dead!

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS MRS. MIDGET ENTERS ... WIND BLOWS, IN BG--

MRS. MIDGET:

Is this the meetin' house?

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES, SHUTTING OUT WIND, BEHIND--

LINGLEY:

Well, now-- Now that we're all here, uh, we'd better begin.

SOUND:

TWO RAPS OF GAVEL

LINGLEY:

(A SPEECH) Ladies and gentlemen--

MRS. MIDGET:

(INTERRUPTS) Hear, hear!

MRS. C-BANKS:

Be quiet.

MRS. MIDGET:

I was only thankin' 'im for the compliment.

DUKE:

(CHUCKLES MERRILY)

LINGLEY:

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a businessman.

DUKE:

Quite.

LINGLEY:

I have never done anything in my life without a reason.

DUKE:

Oh, quite.

LINGLEY:

I believe we should draw up a balance sheet.

DUKE:

Quite.

LINGLEY:

Now, if I may say so--

DUKE:

Certainly, go right ahead.

LINGLEY:

Sir, I--

MRS. C-BANKS:

Order, please, order.

TOM:

I'll have whiskey and soda.

DUKE:

Quite.

TOM:

Quite what?

DUKE:

Well, I really don't know. Just quite.

LINGLEY:

Really, gentlemen, if I'm interrupted again, I shall say no more.

SOUND:

TWO RAPS OF GAVEL

TOM:

Hear, hear. Look here, all of you, the only question is, are we dead or not?

LINGLEY:

That is what I called this meeting to decide, Mr. Prior.

TOM:

I don't care one way or the other.

LINGLEY:

You wouldn't. (POINTEDLY) Mrs. Midget, do you think you're dead or do you not?

MRS. MIDGET:

Ladies and gents, all I want to know is this. If it 'as 'appened, it would greatly please me to know that I've been done proper.

LINGLEY:

I beg your pardon?

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, you know, the street, the neighbors, the sherry wine and cake, and -- flowers--

LINGLEY:

(INTERRUPTS) This is beside the point. Do you think you're dead or do you not?

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, I leave it entirely up to you, sir.

LINGLEY:

I take it in favor of the motion. Any objections? (SOUND: NO RESPONSE, THEN ONE RAP OF GAVEL) The motion is carried. Now, the next thing to decide is how to meet and talk to the examiner.

TOM:

You mean we want to get out of it if we can?

LINGLEY:

If we can. And if we can't, well, this examiner's bound to be a hard, stern businessman. In which case, I suggest that I am the best one fitted to deal with him.

DUKE:

Suppose he isn't anything like that. Suppose he is really The Examiner.

TOM:

Er, why not ask Scrubby? (CALLS) Scrubby?

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES) You want me, sir?

LINGLEY:

Steward, this examiner. What kind of a person is he?

SCRUBBY:

Well, I can't say. I - I don't know. It all depends.

LINGLEY:

Exactly how should we approach him?

SCRUBBY:

Well, I've been asked that question nearly five thousand times, sir. And I always say it's better to leave the approach to him.

DUKE:

(VERY SERIOUS) What's he like, Scrubby?

SCRUBBY:

(SLOWLY) He-- He's the wind and the skies and the earth, sir. He knows the furthest eddy of the high tide up to the remotest cove. He knows the simpleness of beauty and the evilest thoughts of the human mind. He'll know all your evil thoughts. (MOVING OFF) Er, you'll excuse me now, please. A seagull has just fallen on the deck. I'm afraid it's broken its wing. If so, I must try and mend it.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS ... WIND BLOWS BRIEFLY ... DOOR SHUTS AS SCRUBBY EXITS

LINGLEY:

(EXHALES UNHAPPILY) Well, we've, er, got to stick together. We've got to find some rational, business-like way of approaching him, and I suggest you leave it all in my hands.

DUKE:

Mr. Lingley, you can rely on me for one piece of information.

LINGLEY:

Oh? Thank you very much.

DUKE:

I now entirely agree with Mr. Prior for calling you a pompous old idiot!

LINGLEY:

What? Just because I'm trying to do my duty?!

DUKE:

(BRISK, ANGRY) Your duty? Your rubbish! You're doing it because you're in a blue funk and I don't blame you! I'm in a blue funk too, but not so much as to make an utter ass of myself by trying to get out of this with balance sheets and board meetings. You want to try and impress this examiner with your cleverness, your business importance, your supposed interest in your fellow creatures. You're hoping to save your own skin that way, and I think it's pretty rotten!

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, Your Reverence, 'aven't you got just one word of 'elp?

TOM:

Yes. What are you going to do, Duke, when the examiner comes?

DUKE:

(THOUGHTFUL, MEASURED) Well, I-- I - I've been trying to look into myself, trying to weigh my past thoughtfully and humbly -- and seek out all the faults, and try not to excuse them. I'm going to pray to be able to make one more prayer. But for myself. I'm not fit to pray for others.

MRS. MIDGET:

You won't pray for us, sir?

DUKE:

(RESIGNED) No. No, I can't. We're just shipmates, you and I, trying to help one another. I'm not a captain any longer. I cannot pray for others. Perhaps the realization of that is the beginning of my punishment. (BEAT) I have lost my job.

LINGLEY:

I don't suppose it was worth much anyway.

DUKE:

(SHARPLY) It was the most glorious job in the world. (IN DESPAIR) I suppose a man never knows he's incompetent until he's sacked. I can't understand and I ought to. It was my job, but I can't. It's heartbreaking. It's-- (BEAT, GIVES UP) Oh, give me a cigarette, Prior.

SOUND:

LONG LOW BLAST OF FOG HORN ... FILLS A PAUSE

LINGLEY:

Well, let's get down to hard facts. I suggest--

DUKE:

(INTERRUPTS) Too late. Didn't you hear?

LINGLEY:

What?

TOM:

(PAUSE) What?

DUKE:

The siren.

TOM:

(BEAT, THEN QUIETLY HYSTERICAL) I - I didn't hear anything. I didn't hear anything.

DUKE:

(SOOTHING) Now, now, Prior.

TOM:

I didn't, I didn't, but-- (PAUSE) I can feel something, though, can't you?

DUKE:

No.

TOM:

(BEAT) The boat stopped.

DUKE:

Exactly. We're in.

SOUND:

LONG LOW BLAST OF FOG HORN ... FILLS A PAUSE ... THEN IN BG--

TOM:

(EXPLODES, TEARFUL) No! No, I won't face it! I daren't! It's all been bluff on my part! Let me get away! Let me--!

DUKE:

(INTERRUPTS) We can none of us get away. We've stopped for good now.

SOUND:

FOG HORN STOPS

DUKE:

This is the judgment.

TOM:

(RECOVERS) No, it - it can't be. We're here in the smoke-room of a liner.

DUKE:

Why shouldn't it be here in the smoke room of a liner? Have any of us really ever troubled very much to think where and how and when it might be?

TOM:

We've got to stick together. Duke, man, you - you must pray, even if the words are meaningless. Don't desert duty at the last moment. We're in the night, and I want a prayer. I want a prayer from a man. I don't care if he's a clergyman or not.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, you ought to pray, Your Reverence.

TOM:

Yes, even if you can't understand what for, you - you understand us.

DUKE:

You really think I ought to, Mrs. Midget?

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, yes, sir. Pardon the liberty. There's no 'arm in 'abits, if they're good 'abits. And prayer is a good 'abit.

DUKE:

Forgive me, then, for I don't know-- (SUDDENLY REMEMBERS) Oh, yes. (A PRAYER) "Gentle Jesus, meek and mild, look upon a little child. / Children, pardon our simplicity. / Suffer us to come to thee. / God bless father and mother, Harriet," -- she was my nurse -- "all kind friends. Make me a good boy. Amen." (BEAT, AMUSED CHUCKLE) That was the first prayer I ever learned, so it's probably the finest. Say it to yourselves if you want to, and, er-- Remember Harriet. She was a worthy soul.

MRS. MIDGET:

(PAUSE) Ohhhh, I feel better now.

SOUND:

LONG LOW BLAST OF FOG HORN ... TOPPED BY--

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

MUFFLED, MYSTERIOUS LOW DRUM ... IN BG--

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES, CALLS) We're in, ladies and gentlemen; we're in!

DUKE:

Yes, yes, we know.

SCRUBBY:

The Examiner's just comin' on board. His cutter's alongside and he'll be with you in a second.

SOUND:

HIGH-PITCHED SHIP'S WHISTLE

DUKE:

There he is.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(NERVOUS) Well, uh, hadn't we better stand up, all of us? Um, Mr. Lingley?

LINGLEY:

(DISTRACTED) What? Yes, yes, of course. (TO ALL) Everybody up, up.

SOUND:

CHAIRS SCRAPE AS ALL RISE ... DRUM OUT

SCRUBBY:

(AN ANNOUNCEMENT) The Examiner!

TOM:

(QUICKLY AND QUIETLY APPEALINGLY) Duke--?

DUKE:

(LOW) Quiet.

THOMSON:

(OFF, HEARTILY) Hellooooooo! (NO ANSWER) Hello?! (NO ANSWER) Hello there! (NO ANSWER) I say, where's everyone? Where are you, Duke? (APPROACHES) Ah, there you are, Duke, my boy. Well, how are you?

DUKE:

(TAKEN ABACK) But-- But it-- It's old "Grease Spot."

THOMSON:

(GOOD-NATUREDLY) Of course it is. Greasier than ever. Oh-ho, this climate! Glad to see you after all this time. Good to see you. Have a good passage? You're looking fit.

DUKE:

Old Grease Spot. Thomson.

THOMSON:

Saw your name on the passenger list, so I hurried down to meet you. I've been up country.

DUKE:

Oh, thank you.

THOMSON:

Well, how's everybody? How's Ferguson?

DUKE:

They - they've made him a bishop.

THOMSON:

Oh, they would. What's ever become of Maltby, with the red hair and the spectacles?

DUKE:

(INTERRUPTS, VERY FAST) Thomson, I'm delighted to see you and everything, of course, and dying to tell you everything afterwards, but can't you realize how, at the moment, we are terribly worried?

THOMSON:

Worried? Worried about what?

DUKE:

The examiner.

THOMSON:

Oh, don't worry about that. I'm the examiner.

DUKE:

(BEAT) You are?

THOMSON:

Well, I'm one of them anyway.

SOUND:

THOMSON'S STEPS TO TABLE, THEN SETS DOWN BRIEFCASE, UNZIPS IT, SHUFFLES PAPERS DURING FOLLOWING--

THOMSON:

You're under my orders now. I've fixed up lodgings for you, Duke. They're not much, but they're clean. It's near your work. Right in the center of the parish. So you couldn't do better, really.

DUKE:

Work? Thomson, you don't mean I haven't lost my job after all?

THOMSON:

Of course you haven't. You haven't started yet. You're just beginning.

DUKE:

(TEARFUL) Not lost my job! Thank you. Thank you, God. I'll work harder now, I swear I will. (TO ALL) Did you hear, everybody? I haven't lost my job!

THOMSON:

(SOOTHING) There, there, my boy. It's quite all right now.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(LOW, TO LINGLEY) I'm glad to see they know each other so well. But what about us?

LINGLEY:

(LOW) This, er, might be a suitable moment to approach him. (SOUND: FOOTSTEPS TO THOMSON) (CLEARS THROAT, TO THOMSON, UP) Sir, my name is Lingley, of Lingley--

THOMSON:

(INTERRUPTS, CURTLY) Go away.

LINGLEY:

I - I thought this might be a good moment to--

THOMSON:

(INTERRUPTS) Will you please go away? (WARMLY, TO DUKE) Now, Duke--? Feeling better now?

DUKE:

(APOLOGETIC) It means such a lot to me, you know.

THOMSON:

Oh, perfectly. You might as well start by helping me with this bunch. It won't take long and we can get on shore for dinner. (CALLS) All right, Scrubby, line them up outside. I'll take them one at a time.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SCRUBBY:

(AN ANNOUNCEMENT) Mr. Lingley!

THOMSON:

Well, come in. Sit down.

SOUND:

LINGLEY'S STEPS TO CHAIR, WHICH SCRAPES AS HE SITS

LINGLEY:

(BEAT) Well?

THOMSON:

Well, sir?

LINGLEY:

I'm Lingley of Lingley Limited.

THOMSON:

Never mind the Limited. You're just Lingley now.

LINGLEY:

I'm very proud of being myself.

THOMSON:

Very well, your case is over. Get out.

LINGLEY:

What? Just a minute, let's talk this over. It's just that you don't understand business.

THOMSON:

Sir, you commenced your career by breaking your playmate's head against the curb, because he had a painted tin horse and you wanted to get it.

LINGLEY:

Well, I got it.

THOMSON:

Oh, I grant that. You made a glorious straight path by knocking down anyone who came across it or tried to turn you off it. The foundation of Lingley Limited was laid when you stole the plans of a turbine engine and let the inventor die of poverty. Come on, off you go.

LINGLEY:

I'll appeal.

THOMSON:

There's no appeal. You'll suffer as you made others suffer.

LINGLEY:

Give me a second chance.

THOMSON:

Did you give anybody a second chance? That's all. Take him away, Scrubby.

SCRUBBY:

Yes, sir.

SOUND:

CHAIR SCRAPE AS LINGLEY RISES ... SCRUBBY AND LINGLEY'S STEPS AWAY, IN BG--

THOMSON:

(CALLS AFTER THEM) Just see he goes the right way.

SCRUBBY:

(OFF) Very good, sir.

DUKE:

(LOW, TO THOMSON) I wish you'd see the young couple next, sir -- Henry and Ann. I - I know they must be suffering.

THOMSON:

Well, what couple is this? They're not on the passenger list.

DUKE:

They seem so devoted.

THOMSON:

But who exactly are they? (TO SCRUBBY) Steward, do you know anything about a young couple on the boat?

SOUND:

DURING ABOVE, SCRUBBY'S STEPS APPROACH

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES) Oh, those two, sir. You wouldn't want to see them.

DUKE:

Not see them?

SCRUBBY:

(TO THOMSON) They're 'alf-ways, sir.

THOMSON:

(SADLY) Oh, half-ways. Well, that explains it. No, it wouldn't be much use to see them. (UP) Show in Mrs. Cliveden-Banks.

MUSIC:

BRIEF TRANSITION

MRS. C-BANKS:

(MUSES) Thomson? Thomson? Surely not one of the Berkshire Thomsons?

THOMSON:

Not that I'm aware of.

MRS. C-BANKS:

What a pity. My great-great-grandfather was a Berkshire Thomson.

THOMSON:

My great-great-grandfather was hanged for horse-thieving.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Really, how quaint. Do you play golf?

THOMSON:

I play indifferently.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I think all men ought to play golf. It keeps them away from home. (CHUCKLES) My husband, Colonel Cliveden-Banks, is quite an expert, I believe.

THOMSON:

Oh, yes. Bunny's quite hot stuff. I was having a round with Bunny not long ago.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(TAKEN ABACK) But I - I don't understand. Is he here?

THOMSON:

He's waiting for you.

MRS. C-BANKS:

No. How did he get here?

THOMSON:

Poor old Bunny died a couple of months ago.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Benjamin and I are both dead, then?

THOMSON:

Quite dead.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(HOPEFUL) That makes the marriage null and void.

THOMSON:

Your marriage is only just beginning.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, how droll you are.

THOMSON:

You'll find everything most comfortable ashore. Valets, servants all your own. And your husband waiting with outstretched arms.

MRS. C-BANKS:

How ghastly. What right has he got to pop up again after all this time?

THOMSON:

Every right. We're glad to have him here. Your husband is a very useful man.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, how well I know that phrase. It's always been used of Bunny in every new office and every new job. Later, he invariably got sacked.

THOMSON:

And do you know why? Because of his wife's malicious tongue.

MRS. C-BANKS:

How dare you?

THOMSON:

He was a devoted husband. Look what he gave you. And what did you give in return? Nothing.

MRS. C-BANKS:

But he looked so funny.

THOMSON:

The only funny thing about him is that he wants to see you. Why he should want to see you is beyond me, but he does, and he's going to.

MRS. C-BANKS:

Oh, what shall I be exactly?

THOMSON:

You'll be his wife. In time you'll learn to be a good wife.

MRS. C-BANKS:

No, I refuse. Absolutely--

THOMSON:

You can't refuse.

MRS. C-BANKS:

I won't do it. I won't! I won't!

DUKE:

But why not?

MRS. C-BANKS:

He knows. Ask him. (NO RESPONSE) It was his eyes, that look in his eyes. You know I couldn't face them any more.

THOMSON:

Yes, you never could look him in the eyes. But remember, Mrs. Cliveden-Banks, it won't be Bunny who will know now. It'll be you and I and the servants, and everybody except Bunny. He'll have forgotten.

MRS. C-BANKS:

(TRAPPED, BUT MAKES THE BEST OF IT) Servants, you say? Well-- Well, I suppose it might be worse. I'll go.

THOMSON:

Of course you will.

MRS. C-BANKS:

For his sake. Yes, I see it is my duty. (CHUCKLES MIRTHLESSLY) Ah, duty, duty. Such a compelling thing. (SOUND: HER STEPS TO DOOR) Perhaps you'll both come and dine with the Colonel and me one night. Goodbye, Mr. Tomkins.

SOUND:

SMOKE-DOOR ROOM OPENS

MRS. C-BANKS:

You swine!

SOUND:

SMOKE-DOOR ROOM SLAMS SHUT AS MRS. C-BANKS EXITS

MUSIC:

BRIEF TRANSITION

TOM:

(AGITATED) You've got to take me next. I can't stand it. My nerves aren't right. I can't stand it.

THOMSON:

Well, we're not going to hurt you. Here, drink this.

TOM:

(DRINKS, EXHALES)

THOMSON:

Well, what do you want?

SOUND:

SETS DOWN GLASS

TOM:

I want to be killed. I want to be killed.

THOMSON:

Well, healthy outlook you've got, haven't you?

TOM:

No, I haven't. I've got a weak character. I want to be let off light. I want to be hit over the head with a stone and be finished.

THOMSON:

(DRY) Duke, send ashore for a bag of stones.

TOM:

Don't joke. I couldn't stand that. (BEAT) I know what you're doing with the others. You're keeping them going with promises and things. Well, I don't want to be kept going. (BEAT) I want -- blank.

THOMSON:

Impossible.

TOM:

But I'm dead. I demand the right to be properly dead.

THOMSON:

You're going on like the others. You've got to.

TOM:

I won't.

THOMSON:

You'll find it quite easy to forget here, you know.

TOM:

Easy to forget what?

SOUND:

BOTTLE ON GLASS ... POURS ANOTHER DRINK

TOM:

You're not--? You're not suggesting I'm to go on without this?

THOMSON:

Yes.

SOUND:

SETS DOWN GLASS SHARPLY

TOM:

You torturer. I see what you want me to do. You want me to chuck drink and develop a nice clean life and remember all the other horrors. Why don't you kill me? Look at all the trouble it'll save. I'm not really worth saving. I'm not really.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR OPENS AS MRS. MIDGET ENTERS

MRS. MIDGET:

(OFF) Excuse me, sir.

SOUND:

SMOKE-ROOM DOOR CLOSES

THOMSON:

What do you want?

MRS. MIDGET:

Me name is Midget, sir. I couldn't help hearing.

THOMSON:

Oh, yes, I know all about you. It's not your turn yet.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, but you see, sir, young Mr. Prior here, he's been very kind to me. And if he's in trouble, I really don't think I could put me head on me pillow tonight, if I had one. (SYMPATHETIC, TO TOM) Oh, now, Mr. Prior, what's all the fluster an' to do? It's about the booze, ain't it?

TOM:

(RESIGNED) Yes, drink is certainly mixed up in it.

MRS. MIDGET:

Mind you, I don't say there's any harm in a man havin' a beer if he wants it. But I shouldn't think you'd ever had much of a chance, have you, sir?

TOM:

I've had every chance, Mrs. Midget. I was spoiled. I was ungrateful. I ruined-- No, please drop it.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, there was a girl too, wasn't there? And she was the final old how-do-you-do, I take it?

TOM:

As you so poetically express it, she was.

MRS. MIDGET:

And she chucked ya, didn't she? Oh, but you'll be different now. What a triumph for you if your gal suddenly appeared here and found you settled down, smart and respectable like, with a good job and a decent salary, regular every Saturday. What you want is a nice, good, steady, respectable housekeeper who'll take care of you.

TOM:

Oh, Mrs. Midget--

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, you can have your drinks as long as you don't let 'em interfere with your meals and affect your appetite.

THOMSON:

Mrs. Midget, you're suggesting that--?

MRS. MIDGET:

I - I was thinking of it, yes.

THOMSON:

It would mean going back to the slums.

MRS. MIDGET:

And what's the matter with the slums? They're all right.

TOM:

I won't listen to the idea.

MRS. MIDGET:

Oh, you can give me a week's notice. Won't it be worth a try, sir?

TOM:

Look, please don't keep on calling me "sir." I'm not a gentleman, really.

MRS. MIDGET:

Aren't you, sir?

TOM:

No, I'm not. If I were, I shouldn't be hesitating as I am. (TO THOMSON) Mr. Examiner, you help me. You must be experienced in making decisions.

THOMSON:

No, my boy. I can't help you in this. It's your own choice.

TOM:

Look, Duke, I--

DUKE:

You know what Mr. Thompson said. For you to speak.

TOM:

(PAUSE, DECISIVE) Very well, then. (BEAT) I'll go. (BEAT) By myself!

DUKE:

(ADMONISHES) Prior--!

TOM:

I'm not worth bothering about!

THOMSON:

And in those very words, you've proved you are! (QUIETLY POINTED) Because you really mean them. Humility, my boy. Humility. (TO MRS. MIDGET) Take him away, Mrs., er, What's-your-name. And do the best you can with him.

TOM:

Wait, I - I haven't finished my drink.

MRS. MIDGET:

(UNHAPPILY) Your drink, sir?

SOUND:

BEAT ... THEN SMASH! OF GLASS THROWN TO FLOOR

TOM:

All right. All right. (MOVING OFF) I'm going.

SOUND:

TOM'S DETERMINED STEPS OUT THE DOOR

THOMSON:

Just a moment, ma'am.

MRS. MIDGET:

(ANXIOUSLY) No, he'll be waiting for me.

THOMSON:

That's all right, Mrs. Prior. (BEAT, LOW, WARMLY) You're a good mother.

MRS. MIDGET:

(LOW, INTENSELY) Blast you. How did you find out? Blast ya! No. Please. You'll never tell him, will ya? Promise? You'll never let him know?

THOMSON:

I promise.

MRS. MIDGET:

And you, Reverend?

DUKE:

I promise, of course.

MRS. MIDGET:

(TEARFUL) Oh, thank you, both. You see, he mustn't even guess. Oh, sir, ain't it wonderful? He doesn't know me, and I've got him to look after at last, without any fear of me disgracing him. It's 'Eaven. That's what it is. It's 'Eaven.

TOM:

(CALLS IMPATIENTLY, FROM OFF) Mrs. Midget--?

MRS. MIDGET:

(OVERCOME) He wants me -- at last.

SOUND:

MRS. MIDGET'S STEPS OUT THE DOOR BEHIND--

MRS. MIDGET:

(CALLS, MOVING OFF) Yes, dearie! I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

SOUND:

THOMSON GATHERS HIS PAPERS

THOMSON:

Well, that does it. Come along, Duke.

DUKE:

No, wait, Thomson. The young couple are still outside. (CALLS) You may come in now.

SOUND:

HENRY AND ANN'S HESITANT STEPS APPROACH

THOMSON:

(SADLY) Oh. This--? Is this the young couple?

ANN:

(WEEPS ... CONTINUES IN BG--)

DUKE:

Won't you speak to them? Please?

THOMSON:

(TENDER, REGRETFUL) Not yet, my children.

MUSIC:

BRIEF BRIDGE ... OTHERWORLDLY ... FOR THE RETURN TRIP

SOUND:

FOG HORN AND SHIP'S BELLS ... THEN OCCASIONALLY IN BG--

ANN:

(DISTRESSED) Henry?! Henry, where are you? Henry!

HENRY:

(APPROACHES, UNEASY) Here I am.

ANN:

Oh, we've sailed again.

HENRY:

Yes, darling.

ANN:

Why have we both been left behind?

HENRY:

I don't know. Where does it mean we're going?

ANN:

I don't like the sea, but we should keep close; terribly close.

HENRY:

Ann, why weren't we judged?

ANN:

I don't know. Why did you leave me?

HENRY:

Shh! I thought I heard a dog bark. Something seemed to touch my hand.

SOUND:

CRASH! OF WINDOW GLASS BROKEN

HENRY:

There! Listen! Do you hear the noise of that glass? Glass breaking. Do you hear it?

ANN:

(PUZZLED) No, dear.

HENRY:

(BEAT) Where are we going to now?

ANN:

Oh, I can't think.

HENRY:

Ever since we left the harbor, I've felt bound for some place I know.

SOUND:

DURING ABOVE, WIND BLOWS ... THEN IN BG--

HENRY:

Ann! Ann, I feel a breeze. Light, like a-- Like a breath of new air.

ANN:

We're together. That's all that matters. We're together!

HENRY:

Darling, they can't separate us now, can they? Keep hold of me, darling. Don't let me go.

ANN:

Why aren't we closer? I thought we would be when we were dead. Oh, suppose, after all, we were wrong.

HENRY:

Wrong?

SOUND:

DISTANT DOG BARKS ... CONTINUES IN BG--

HENRY:

What was that? Ann?

ANN:

Oh, it's the steward.

SCRUBBY:

(APPROACHES) Good evening, ma'am. Good evening, sir.

HENRY:

Ann, I hear it! The dog is barking.

ANN:

Oh, don't be silly.

SCRUBBY:

What dog?

HENRY:

Listen. Listen, I hear it, Ann! (MOVING OFF) I hear it! I hear it!

SOUND:

THE BARKING FADES AWAY WITH HENRY AS HE EXITS

SCRUBBY:

Stay close to him, miss, if you'll take my advice.

ANN:

Where are we going?

SCRUBBY:

We just go on like this -- forwards and backwards -- backwards and forwards. It 'appens to all 'alf-ways like we are.

ANN:

"Half-ways"?

SCRUBBY:

We are the people who ought to have had more courage.

ANN:

For what?

SCRUBBY:

To, er, face life.

ANN:

Do you remember how you became a halfway?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, no. I've been allowed to forget. I hope you'll be allowed to forget. It would be too cruel if they didn't let you forget, in time, that you - killed yourself.

HENRY:

(APPROACHES) Ann, I remember! I remember! We - we thought we'd forget, and that we'd be so happy forever. But now it's all over. And we've killed ourselves, but - we're not happy.

SCRUBBY:

Why did you do it?

ANN:

We weren't married. He had a wife.

HENRY:

Oh, Ann, we should have waited.

SCRUBBY:

Yes.

ANN:

Scrubby, you don't know the agony we've been through -- the way people talk, the things they've said.

HENRY:

And now, you see, we have to remember. (WITH EFFORT) Now, the last thing I saw was Jock's face against the window. Poor dog, poor Jock. Oh, if we were only given back a little time -- time to try again.

ANN:

It's too late now.

HENRY:

No! No, there must be a way out. Let me think. The air's fresher outside. (MOVING OFF) If I could only think.

SCRUBBY:

Don't let him go too far, madam. Call him now.

ANN:

(CALLS) Henry, don't go too far away!

HENRY:

(OFF) No. No, dear.

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... EERIE, MELANCHOLY ... SLOWLY BUILDS IN INTENSITY TO A CLIMAX ... IN BG, IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--

ANN:

Scrubby, why aren't people kinder to each other?

SCRUBBY:

Being unkind comes more naturally to most people, I'm afraid.

ANN:

Are you very lonely, Scrubby?

SCRUBBY:

Oh, no, ma'am, not on the whole. You'll find lots of new friends, ma'am. The birds come on board occasionally. And there's the sea. Call him again.

ANN:

Call him? Why? He won't be far from me.

SCRUBBY:

(INSISTENT) Call him.

ANN:

(CALLS) Henry?! (NO ANSWER) Henry?! (NO ANSWER, QUIETLY) Henry?

SCRUBBY:

He's gone.

ANN:

(CALLS) Henry?!

SCRUBBY:

He lives again.

ANN:

Lives?

SCRUBBY:

The dog, ma'am, outside the window. Perhaps he broke through and let in the fresh air.

ANN:

Oh, he wouldn't leave me alone.

SCRUBBY:

Couldn't help himself, ma'am.

ANN:

Oh, we've been dead a week.

SCRUBBY:

(DISMISSIVE) A week, a century. There's no time here. He's gone back, ma'am.

ANN:

Then I'll go too.

SCRUBBY:

That's impossible.

ANN:

(CALLS) Henry!

SCRUBBY:

(FADING AWAY) Impossible.

ANN:

(CALLS, WILDLY) Henry, where are you? It's Ann! Where are you? Henry, don't leave me alone! Henry, you can't! I love you! Henry, don't leave me alone!

MUSIC:

DURING ABOVE, BUILDS TO A WILD CLIMAX OF WEIRD CYMBAL CRASHES ... THEN ABRUPTLY OUT

SOUND:

GENTLE WIND BLOWS, IN BG--

ANN:

(CALM, PLEASED) Henry?

HENRY:

(BRISK) Quick, darling, quickly. There's only a second or two. I've come to fetch you home. Are you ready?

ANN:

(EAGER) Yes, I'm ready.

HENRY:

Oh, we've got such a lot to do and so little time to do it. Quickly, darling, quickly. We're going to live again, Ann. Breathe -- deeply! Ah, the air is fresh. (SLIGHT ECHO, EXULTANT) We're going to live again! Ann, we're going to live!

MUSIC:

FOR A RETURN TO LIFE ... SNEAKS IN DURING ABOVE AND TOPS THE DIALOGUE FOR A FINAL CURTAIN

ANNOUNCER:

You have just heard the BEST PLAYS production of "Outward Bound" by Sutton Vane. And here again is your host, drama critic John Chapman.

HOST:

Next Sunday's BEST PLAY will be another change of pace in this series; a melodrama. It is Thomas Job's thriller "Uncle Harry," with Joseph Schildkraut again in the role he created on Broadway. This is Chapman saying goodbye until then.

MUSIC:

CLOSING THEME ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

"Outward Bound" was adapted for radio by Ernest Kinoy. Featured in tonight's cast were Jean Adair as Mrs. Midget, Alexander Scourby as Tom Prior, Chester Stratton as Henry, Susan Douglas as Ann, Leona Powers as Mrs. Cliveden-Banks, John Stanley as Mr. Lingley, Norman Rose as The Rev. William Duke, Wendell Holmes as The Rev. Dr. Thomson and William Podmore as Scrubby the steward. BEST PLAYS is an NBC production supervised by William Welch and directed by Edward King. This is Fred Collins speaking.

NBC ANNCR:

Tonight be sure to hear THE AMERICAN FORUM OF THE AIR on NBC.

MUSIC:

NBC CHIMES