ANNOUNCER:

Pepsodent invites you to have - A DATE WITH JUDY.

(APPLAUSE)

 

MUSIC:

(THEME..HIT AND FADE FOR:)

ANNOUNCER:

Well, it's a quiet evening in the Foster house. Mother is
sewing, Father is reading, Randolph is tying boy scout knots and Judy is
glumping because she doesn't have a date. Mother looks up...

MOTHER:

Melvin...

FATHER:

Yes, dear?

MOTHER:

I had a letter from Grandma today.

FATHER:

Yes? What does she say?

MOTHER:

She's worried about Aunt Lily.

FATHER:

(STILL LOOKING AT HIS PAPER) Why's she worried about Aunt Lily?

MOTHER:

Well, because...

RANDOLPH:

Don't tell me - let me guess. Because Aunt Lily isn't married.

FATHER:

That's nothing new. Grandma's been worrying about that for the last ten years.

MOTHER:

I was just thinking...Maybe we ought to have Lily here for a visit.

FATHER:

But we had her here just a year ago - and nobody married her.

JUDY:

And gee - we introduced her to everybody.

RANDOLPH:

Well, here we go again, boys.

MOTHER:

I don't think it would hurt us to try. A sweet girl like Lily...

JUDY:

Girl? Mother, she's thirty-four years old!

MOTHER:

Well, really, Judy, that isn't the last stage of senility, you know.

RANDOLPH:

They're girls to Mother till rigor mortis sets in.

MOTHER:

That's enough of that kind of talk. I'm going to write Aunt Lily
to come, and we'll see if we can't find somebody for her. Judy, maybe
you could get her a date.

JUDY:

Me? I'm having enough trouble getting dates for myself. I haven't had a date myself for three nights.

RANDOLPH:

What are you complaining about. Aunt Lily hasn't had a date for three years!

MOTHER:

(WITH LOYAL DEFENSIVENESS) That isn't so. I'm sure lots of young men have been extremely fond of Aunt Lily.

RANDOLPH:

In thirty-four years they'd have lots of time to.

FATHER:

Aunt Lily is a loveable, sweet woman - and I don't like that kind of talk, children.

MOTHER:

The very least you children can do is cooperate a little when
Aunt Lily comes. That's the very least I can expect from you.

RANDOLPH:

Do you want active participation - or is it enough if we just don't sabotage your efforts?

MOTHER:

I want cooperation. I want you to say nice things to other
people about Aunt Lily, and not refer to her as though she were an old
hag.

RANDOLPH:

I'll call her "Baby Girl".

MOTHER:

And another thing - I don't want you two to let on to Aunt Lily we're trying to marry her off. She's very sensitive.

RANDOLPH:

Why, we wouldn't think of letting the cat out of the bag.
We'll keep it so secret she'll go back to Springfield all married and
she'll never even know it.

FATHER:

Randolph, I don't like your attitude.

RANDOLPH:

That's just my rough exterior, Father. Inside I'm all soft and
gooey - and I give you my word that I will leave no stone unturned to
see that Aunt Lily hooks a man.

FATHER:

What about you, Judy?

JUDY:

Oh, I'll be glad to help - if we can dig up a man.

RANDOLPH:

Digging him up might be a good idea.

JUDY:

Gee, come to think of it - I know somebody old enough for Aunt Lily.

MOTHER:

Who?

JUDY:

Mr. Manchester. He's the librarian at the library. I bet he's thirty-five if he's a day.

RANDOLPH:

And he's a day, all right.

MOTHER:

Why, that's a simply wonderful idea. But I wonder how I should go about asking him.

JUDY:

Well, I could kind of take a book out of the library - and just sling the invitation to him.

MOTHER:

We could invite him to dinner the very first night Aunt Lily's here.

RANDOLPH:

Oh, sure. We wouldn't want to waste any time. After thirty-four leisurely years, we gotta step on it.

MOTHER:

Well, I think Mr. Manchester is a wonderful idea. And he'd be
darn lucky to get a sweet girl like Lily...I'm going to write her to
come.

JUDY:

But don't tell Aunt Lily about Mr. Manchester, on account of she's so sensitive.

FATHER:

We'll just spring him on her sudden-like.

MOTHER:

Good. Then it's all set.

RANDOLPH:

Mother, you can look on Aunt Lily as practically engaged.

MUSIC:

(TAGS)

(First Commercial Page 5)

 

ANNOUNCER:

And now - let's get back to that date we have - with Judy.

MUSIC:

(TWO BARS OF THEME...AND CURTAIN RAISER)

MOTHER:

Now, Lily - Randolph has your suitcase upstairs so suppose you
go upstairs and change for dinner. Melvin will be home any minute.

LILY:

Oh, Dora, I think I'll change after dinner. It's been so long
since I've seen Judy and Randolph. Couldn't I talk to them until dinner
time?

MOTHER:

Oh, you can talk to them any time, I'd rather you'd dress for dinner.

LILY:

Dress for dinner? My, aren't we ritzy around here!

JUDY:

Oh, we always dress for dinner. That is - lately.

RANDOLPH:

Oh, yes. Father wears tails and white tie, and I wear a tuxedo and....

MOTHER:

(LAUGHING IT OFF) Don't pay any attention to them, Lily. But I
do think you'd feel better if you'd change. After all, that ride on the
train....

LILY:

Oh, there's just Melvin to look at me. And he won't mind a little soot on my face.

RANDOLPH:

Well, he's mighty particular lately. Once I came down to
dinner with a fly-speck behind my right ear, and he noticed it right
away. Made me go upstairs and take a bath before he'd let me sit down at
the table.

LILY:

Well, my goodness, the fuss everybody's making I must look terrible.

MOTHER:

Not at all, Lily. It's just that you feel so good in a nice long summery dress.....

LILY:

A long dress?

JUDY:

Well, you know the British dress for dinner wherever they are.
They say even on the desert or in the jungles, they always dress
formally for dinner....

LILY:

Well, I suppose if the British can do it, I can. But it certainly seems......

MOTHER:

That's fine. I opened the big suitcase and you'll find your long dress all laid out on the bed.

LILY:

Well, my goodness, the service you get in this house! (FADING) Well, I guess I'll go on up.

JUDY:

(WHISPERING) Gee, I thought for a minute we were going to have trouble with her. But I guess we managed it.

RANDOLPH:

And very subtly, I must say.

MOTHER:

Now, remember, children...when Mr. Manchester comes -- cooperation.

RANDOLPH:

We will give our all.

MOTHER:

And be awfully careful what you say. I don't want it to look as
if this were deliberate. Let's just make Aunt Lily and Mr. Manchester's
both being here - sort of - well - a pleasant accident.

RANDOLPH:

Like falling into an oil well.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS OFF

JUDY:

Oh, here's Father, already.

FATHER:

(FADING IN) Hello, everybody. Why - why's everybody all dressed up? What's going on in this house?

RANDOLPH:

Big business, Father. You're just in time for the kill.

FATHER:

Who's getting killed?

RANDOLPH:

Nobody, but Mr. Manchester is going to be in a slight accident -- we hope.

FATHER:

Mr. Manchester?

MOTHER:

Lily got in today. Don't you remember - what we planned?

RANDOLPH:

Don't tell me you've forgotten Mr. Manchester is going to marry Aunt Lily?

FATHER:

He is? Why, when did this happen?

MOTHER:

Don't be silly, Melvin -- it hasn't happened yet. They haven't
met yet. Now, please run upstairs and change your clothes.

FATHER:

Change my clothes? What for?

JUDY:

For dinner, naturally.

FATHER:

I never changed my clothes for dinner before. Why should I now?

JUDY:

Father, the British always dress for dinner. No matter if it's in the jungle or on a desert.....

RANDOLPH:

Here we go again, folks!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE)

MOTHER:

You look just lovely, Lily. Now, don't you feel better now that you've...

JUDY:

(INTERRUPTING) Aunt Lily, couldn't you wear your hair - well, sort of more...girlish or something?

LILY:

Why? This is the way I've worn it for years.

RANDOLPH:

Yeah, I remember when I was born - looking up and there was your hair - just the way you're wearing it now.

MOTHER:

Randolph!

RANDOLPH:

I was only kidding, Aunt Lily. I think your hair's very girlish.

FATHER:

(FADING IN, A LITTLE GRUMPY) Well, I'm dressed. Now when do we eat?

LILY:

Melvin! My goodness!

FATHER:

Hello, Lily. Well, it's good to see you.

LILY:

Do I get a kiss from my favorite brother-in-law?

FATHER:

You sure do, Lily.

JUDY:

(LOW TO RANDOLPH) Too bad Father's married. He'd be perfect.

FATHER:

I'm starved. When's that guy going to get here?

MOTHER:

(QUICKLY) Well, it sure is wonderful to have you here, Lily. Let's all sort of sit down and chat for a while.

LILY:

Oh, I'm ready to eat too.

JUDY:

But we always chat before dinner.

RANDOLPH:

It whets our appetites.

LILY:

(A TRIFLE SUSPICIOUSLY) Dora -- why are you glancing out of the front window every couple of seconds?

MOTHER:

Was I? Why, I didn't think I was.

RANDOLPH:

Remember, Mother - subtley.

LILY:

Dora, have you invited somebody else to dinner?

MOTHER:

Well, yes - in a way.

LILY:

A man?

RANDOLPH:

Well, yes, in a way.

LILY:

Oh, Dora, really. You know I didn't come for anything like that. You didn't have to...

MOTHER:

Oh, this is just sort of an accident. As a matter of fact, we'd
invited this gentleman to dinner long before we knew you were coming.

JUDY:

Oh, yes - eons before.

SOUND:

BUZZER OF DOOR BELL

RANDOLPH:

Now, I wonder who that could be!

JUDY:

I'll go.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENING

MANCHESTER:

(NICE, AWKWARD, EMBARRASSED) Good evening.

JUDY:

Oh, good evening, Mr. Manchester.

MANCHESTER:

It was very kind of you to stop at the library this afternoon and invite me to dinner.

LILY:

(OFF) This afternoon!

JUDY:

Oh, that's perfectly all right, Mr. Manchester. Come in. I'd like
you to meet my - ah - well, a friend of mine - Lily Rogen.

MANCHESTER:

How do you do?

LILY:

How do you do?

JUDY:

And you know my father and mother.

MANCHESTER:

Oh, yes, indeed.

MOTHER:

Come right in and sit down, Mr. Manchester.

FATHER:

Sit down? Aren't we going to eat yet?

JUDY:

And this is my brother, Randolph.

MANCHESTER:

How do you do?

MOTHER:

Well, what a formal introduction. Suppose I do it all over. Lily, this is Donald, Donald, this is Lily.

MANCHESTER:

How do you do?

LILY:

How do you do?

JUDY:

Do people ever call you Don?

MANCHESTER:

Yes, indeed. At college...Ohio Wesleyan, 1924, they called me Don. Or Manchy.

MOTHER:

Isn't that cute! Manchy! Isn't that cute, Lily?

LILY:

Yes - indeed.

FATHER:

(HINTING) Dinner smells awfully good.

RANDOLPH:

(BEGINNING THE ROUTINE) My aunt Lily cooked every inch of it -- from soup to --

MOTHER:

(LOW) Not yet, Randolph.

RANDOLPH:

Oh. Yes, it does smell good, doesn't it?

FATHER:

Well, how's business, Mr. Manchester?

MANCHESTER:

(TAKEN A LITTLE BACK) Business? Oh, very good: We collected thirty-two cents in fines today.

FATHER:

(DULLY) Oh, really?

MOTHER:

(HELPFULLY) Mr. Manchester is the new librarian, Lily. (TURNING) Lily is very interested in books, Mr. Manchester.

MANCHESTER:

Oh?

JUDY:

(SIGHING) She'd make a wonderful wife for somebody who was interested in literary things - like a college professor maybe.

MOTHER:

Judy!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE...DOWN INTO:)

SOUND:

DINNER TABLE BACKGROUND

MOTHER:

Would anybody like any more coffee? Mr. Manchester?

MANCHESTER:

No. Thank you very much.

MOTHER:

Well, shall we all go into the living room, then?

LILY:

(GRABBING AT STRAWS) Yes -- let's.

MOTHER:

(WITH INNUENDO) Melvin -- aren't you planning to go to your -- lodge meeting tonight?

FATHER:

(BALDLY) Why -- no. My lodge meets on Thursdays.

MOTHER:

Well, the Exalted High Councillor called and said that it was moved up to tonight. Early tonight.

RANDOLPH:

Are you going out tonight, Mother -- as if I didn't know?

MOTHER:

Well, yes, I am. My Red Cross Class meets tonight.

FATHER:

I thought that met on Fridays.

RANDOLPH:

During emergencies, they call special sessions.

MOTHER:

(AS IF THIS WAS A MAGNIFICENT COINCIDENCE) Well, my goodness...I
must say this isn't very sociable of us to run off like this. But -- it
will give you two a chance to get acquainted.

LILY:

(WRITHING A LITTLE) Really, Dora -- you don't have to...

MOTHER:

Judy and Randolph are going out in the kitchen and wash the dishes, aren't you, dears?

JUDY:

Well, I guess - we are - I guess.

MOTHER:

And then they go right to bed. So you won't have to worry about them disturbing you. Well, come on, Melvin...

MANCHESTER:

Thank you very much for dinner, Mrs. Foster.

FATHER:

Glad to have seen you, Manchester.

MANCHESTER:

Enjoy your lodge meeting. And your Red Cross meeting, Mrs. Foster.

MOTHER:

Oh, we will.

FATHER:

Well, good night.

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSING

FATHER:

(LOW) Well, Dora, I must say one thing about you - you sure are subtle.

MOTHER:

As Randolph would say - like a tank. But anyhow, we'll be giving the young couple a break.

FATHER:

Yes, but what are we going to do tonight?

MOTHER:

What do you think? You're going to take me to a movie.

MUSIC:

(QUICK UP AND DOWN, TIME LAPSE, INTO:)

JUDY:

(SOTTO) Are they still in the living room?

RANDOLPH:

(SOFT) Stay back here in the hall, Judy. I'll take a quick peek.

JUDY:

(PROJECTED WHISPER) Are they?

RANDOLPH:

(SLIGHTLY OFF, PROJECTED WHISPER) Yup. He's on one end of the davenport, and she's on the other.

JUDY:

Let me look. Gosh. She isn't turning on the heat, is she?

RANDOLPH:

Listen....

LILY:

(SLIGHTLY OFF) Personally, Mr. Manchester, I prefer Dickens' later
works. "Great Expectations" always seemed to me a little immature.

JUDY:

(WHISPER) Jeepers! I'd never handle him that way!

MANCHESTER:

(SLIGHTLY OFF) My favorite work of Dickens is "Nicholas
Nickleby", although I have found great charm in the "Pickwick Papers."

RANDOLPH:

(SOTTO) No, I find no charm in this conversation.

JUDY:

Shh!

LILY:

(SLIGHTLY OFF) Have you read much of Pope and Dryden?

JUDY:

(SOTTO) Poor Aunt Lily -- she doesn't know beans about men. She's a rank amateur.

RANDOLPH:

(SOFT) I wouldn't call either of them great lovers.

LILY:

(STILL A LITTLE OFF) Don't you love the lilt of Pope's rhymed couplets?

MANCHESTER:

(OFF) Yes. Yes, I do!

JUDY:

(CLOSE, SOTTO) Isn't that awful?

RANDOLPH:

(SOTTO, CLOSE) Hey, he's getting up. Maybe we'll see some action now....

MANCHESTER:

(OFF) My, it's nine-forty-five. Getting late.

JUDY:

Late!

LILY:

(STILL A LITTLE OFF) It was charming meeting you, Mr. Manchester. I hope I'll see you soon.

MANCHESTER:

I hope so too.

JUDY:

This is the critical moment. If he asks her for a date now -- fine. Otherwise, she's cooked!

RANDOLPH:

Shhh.

MANCHESTER:

(OFF) Good night, then.

LILY:

(OFF) Good night.

RANDOLPH:

She's cooked.

MANCHESTER:

(OFF) Uh -- what are you doing a week from tomorrow night?

LILY:

(OFF) Well -- nothing.

RANDOLPH:

He came through!

JUDY:

(AGHAST) But - a week from tomorrow night!

RANDOLPH:

Yeah, I wouldn't exactly call it a whirlwind courtship!

MANCHESTER:

(OFF) I wonder if I might come to call.

JUDY:

(DISPARAGINGLY) Call. He's one of these parlor-plotzers!

LILY:

I'd be very happy to see you.

MANCHESTER:

Good night then, Miss Rogen.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENING...OFF

LILY:

Good night, Mr. Manchester!

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSING

RANDOLPH:

Yipes....at a one-a-week rate, it'll take her till Christmas.

JUDY:

(THOUGHTFULLY) You know, Randolph, I think I'll have to give her some advice about men.

RANDOLPH:

You mean you're going to part with some of your vast store of knowledge on the subject?

JUDY:

If it helps her yoke a bloke -- I'd be glad to.

RANDOLPH:

You might help at that. You've sure done enough research on the subject!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE)

JUDY:

Now, Aunt Lily - this dress is absolutely a killer-diller, and I don't see why you don't snatch it.

LILY:

But a mid-riff, Judy. I'd be - well, absolutely embarrassed with a - well, a nude mid-riff.

JUDY:

But everybody's wearing them. My goodness, I just don't know
anybody without a - nude mid-riff. Isn't that right, Randolph?

RANDOLPH:

Oh, I can think of a few.

LILY:

People would be - well, take for example Mr. Manchester - what would he think of me wearing a mid-riff dress.

RANDOLPH:

Something interesting, probably.

JUDY:

Mr. Manchester's just what I'm talking about. Aunt Lily, I hate to say this, but frankly, your technique is a little oogy.

RANDOLPH:

There speaks the Voice of Experience.

JUDY:

Aunt Lily, tell me frankly, do you have a yen for Mr. Manchester?

LILY:

A yen! Judy! Why, I hardly know the man.

JUDY:

What's that got to do with it? I asked you if you had a yen for him.

LILY:

Well, I think he's very -- intelligent.

RANDOLPH:

In Aunt Lily's language - that's a yen.

JUDY:

Look, Aunt Lily -- one of the very first principles of getting a
guy ga-ga about you is to be glamorous in his eyes. Now, for instance,
take Edgar...

LILY:

Who's Edgar?

JUDY:

This guy I go with. He's gaga about me. Calls me up night and day...

LILY:

Why, Judy, he hasn't called up since I've been here....

RANDOLPH:

He's had a relapse.

JUDY:

As a matter of fact, I know just what he's doing -- he's just staying away a few days to make me jealous.

RANDOLPH:

Yep -- runs around every night with a gal from Glenville High just to make Judy jealous.

JUDY:

Randolph's just making that up, Aunt Lily. He's really whacky
about me. Now, the first thing I did when I wanted to make him whacky...

RANDOLPH:

And he was that way to begin with - believe me.

JUDY:

Randolph, please! How can I give Aunt Lily any advice? Well, the
first thing I did was find out what moving picture star was his ideal.
Then I simply - made myself look like that star - and there I was - his
living ideal of glamour.

LILY:

Do you always do that?

RANDOLPH:

Sure. This week she's Dorothy Lamour for Edgar - and a couple of weeks ago she was Lana Turner for Gerald.

LILY:

For goodness sake.

RANDOLPH:

Personally, she makes me nervous as Dorothy Lamour. Her Lana Turner was much more soothing.

JUDY:

Well, now, Aunt Lily - I'm telling you, I just have a hunch that Mr. Manchester's ideal ought to wear a mid-riff....

RANDOLPH:

If not a sarong....

JUDY:

So just take my advice, and you won't have a thing to worry about.

LILY:

Well, I'm not so sure about that - but - (LITTLE GIGGLE) - where's that salesgirl? I want to buy this mid-riff.

MUSIC:

(BEGIN MONTAGE...UNDER FOR:)

JUDY:

Now, Andre, I want you to make Aunt Lily positively oomphy. You
can start with the mud-pack. Then an ice pack. And after the glacial -- a
facial. And then an eye-brow pluck and an eyelash curl...

MUSIC:

(UP AND DOWN)

JUDY:

Maybe you could do a hair-do in a sort of whirlpool
effect...That's right, Andre. Just swish it all up on the sides, and let
the back hang down in sort of a cloud....I don't care if it does sound
like a lot of weather, Aunt Lily, you've got to look oomphy if it takes a
tornado.

MUSIC:

(UP AND DOWN)

JUDY:

This is not goo, Aunt Lily. It's perfectly terrific lipstick,
isn't it, Andre? Glamarola Number Five. It's positively kiss-proof and
everything. Now - pucker up your lips...

MUSIC:

(UP AND DOWN)

JUDY:

Give her the passion red nail polish, Andre.....Oh, that's divine.
It simply makes your nails stand out, Aunt Lily. And Andre, when you
finish with the manicure, give her a pedicure.

MUSIC:

(UP AND DOWN)

SOUND:

STREET NOISES IN B.G.

MITZI:

Gee, Randolph, what did Judy want us to come over here for?

RANDOLPH:

Well, Mitzi, she said that something startling was going to
emerge from the beauty-shop -- and she wanted both of us to pass on it.

MITZI:

Here it comes!

SOUND:

DOOR SWINGING OPEN.

JUDY:

(FADING IN) Hello, Mitzi. Hi, Randolph.

RANDOLPH:

(STARTLED) Aunt Lily!

LILY:

(SUFFERING A LITTLE) Hello, Randolph.

JUDY:

Aunt Lily, this is Mitzi -- I asked her to drop by to -- well, sort of give you the once over.

LILY:

(A LITTLE SOTTO) Really, Judy, do you have to call in perfect strangers?

JUDY:

(ALOUD) Oh, Mitzi isn't a perfect stranger -- she's my best
girl-friend. Besides she's practically an authority on glamour. Aren't
you, Mitzi?

MITZI:

(NOT TOO SURE) Well -- practically.....

JUDY:

Doesn't Aunt Judy look perfectly yummy?

MITZI:

She sure does...

RANDOLPH:

Me, I haven't been able to take my eyes off Aunt Lily since
she came out of the beauty parlor. And I see a couple of pedestrians
with the same idea.

LILY:

I don't know whether they're staring at me or glaring at me.

JUDY:

Let's go!

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS ON PAVEMENT....VARY STREET B.G.

JUDY:

Just wait till we get home and Mother sees you. She'll be insane about you.

RANDOLPH:

And as for father, they'll have to put him in an institution.

JUDY:

Gee, Aunt Lily, don't you feel just like a movie star?

LILY:

Well, I certainly don't feel like myself.

MITZI:

I think you'll wow any man you meet. If you just remember to turn on the heat.

LILY:

Turn on the heat?

JUDY:

That's what I've been trying to tell her, Mitzi. (TURNING) She
means just give with the stuff, Aunt Lily.....quick on the trigger.

LILY:

(A LITTLE GULP) Give with the stuff?

MITZI:

It's really very easy. For instance, what repartee would you hand
out if a man said to you -- "Come on mouse, let's grouse?"

LILY:

No man I know'd ever say "Come on, mouse, let's grouse," to me.

JUDY:

You'd better listen to Mitzi, Aunt Lily. Her advice has been very successful with me.

MITZI:

All I'm trying to do is make a cuddle-cat out of you.

LILY:

I'm not sure I want to be a cuddle-cat.

JUDY:

Why you do, too, Aunt Lily. Go ahead, Mitzi.

MITZI:

All right. Now, what do you come back with when somebody says to you, "What's cookin', good looking?"

LILY:

I don't know.

JUDY:

You come back -- "soup, droop."

LILY:

(CONFUSED) I do?

RANDOLPH:

Well, blow me down, look who that is over there across the street.

JUDY:

Why, it's Mr. Manchester.

LILY:

Oh, my.

RANDOLPH:

Why, Aunt Lily, under that Glamarola Number Five -- you're blushing!

JUDY:

He's coming over to talk to us. Now remember, Aunt Lily, sparkle. Be enthusiastic. Act hep.

LILY:

Do I look all right?

MITZI:

You look like a house afire.

LILY:

That's what I'm afraid of.

MITZI:

Do you want to make a positive impression on this guy, Miss Rogen?

LILY:

Why -- yes.

MITZI:

Then hand out the goo.

JUDY:

Do like Mitzi says. Talk about his necktie -- and his shoulders - and his chest expansion.

LILY:

(DOUBTFULLY) Well, I'll try.

MANCHESTER:

(CALLING, OFF) Oh, Miss Rogen, Miss Rogen.

JUDY:

(WHISPERING) Here he comes, good luck, Aunt Lily.

MANCHESTER:

(FADING IN) Good afternoon, Miss Rogen. And hello, children. (DOING A TAKE) Why, why -- Miss Rogen!

LILY:

(WITH SUPER-HUMAN STRENGTH) What's cookin', good lookin'?

MANCHESTER:

Beg pardon?

LILY:

That's - well, that's a very beautiful necktie you have on - and so are your shoulders.

MANCHESTER:

What was that, Miss Rogen?

LILY:

And you've got a very snazzy chest expansion.

MANCHESTER:

Why, Miss Rogen!

JUDY:

When are you coming over to dinner again, Mr. Manchester?

MANCHESTER:

Why, I don't know. I --

LILY:

You know what we're having for dinner tonight?

MANCHESTER:

Well, no, I --

LILY:

We're having soup, droop.

MANCHESTER:

Oh - ah - well, I -- oh, my goodness.

MITZI:

(LOW) You're doing fine, Miss Rogen.

JUDY:

Would you like to come to dinner tonight, Mr. Manchester?

MANCHESTER:

Well -- I hardly think I can make it -- I - uh - well -

LILY:

Oh, do come tonight, Mr. Manchester. You could come over and grouse, mouse.

MANCHESTER:

Well - uh - some other time perhaps.

LILY:

(SINCERELY DISAPPOINTED) But, Mr. Manchester...

MANCHESTER:

Well the fact is -- I have a library committee meeting
tonight, and I - uh - well, I have to attend. I'm dreadfully sorry.

LILY:

Okay, cuddle-cat. I'11 see you next week.

MANCHESTER:

Well, I -- I'm not absolutely sure I can make it. That is,
well, I'll have to let you know. Well - I - I'm very glad I saw you.
Sorry I have to dash.

LILY:

(WISTFULLY) Goodbye, Mr. Manchester.

MANCHESTER:

(FADING OUT) Goodbye. I -- really have to dash.

RANDOLPH:

Well, he certainly made this conversation a quickie!

JUDY:

I can't understand it. You were just wonderful, Aunt Lily.

MITZI:

Yes - you certainly sparkled and everything.

LILY:

(NEARLY CRYING) Yes, I sparkled, all right. I sparkled him right out of my life.

MITZI:

Well, he certainly did have a funny reaction.

JUDY:

Oh, well, Aunt Lily, don't bother about him. If he has funny reactions like that, I just wouldn't waste my time with him.

MITZI:

Sure -- he acted like an ick.

LILY:

(THROUGH HER TEARS) He did not. He's a sweet, sensible man -- and I like him very much!

RANDOLPH:

(HIS FACE WIDE OPEN) Jeepers! I never thought love would enter into this!

MUSIC:

(TAGS)

(INSERT COMMERCIAL PAGE 22)

 

ANNOUNCER:

And now let's get back to that date we have -- with Judy.

MUSIC:

(TWO BARS OF THEME...CURTAIN RAISER)

JUDY:

Oh, Randolph, I feel terrible. Aunt Lily has been practically in
tears ever since we got home. She's practically ruining her make-up.

RANDOLPH:

To me she looks better with it ruined.

JUDY:

You know, Randolph, I think she goes for Mr. Manchester.

RANDOLPH:

Well, she'll never marry him if we keep helping her.

JUDY:

You know what I'm going to do, Randolph?

RANDOLPH:

I hate to think.

JUDY:

I'm going to offer her Edgar.

RANDOLPH:

Edgar? What's she going to do with him?

JUDY:

Haven't you ever heard of the eternal triangle? When Mr.
Manchester hears Aunt Lily's going out with Edgar, well - you know what
we'll have?

RANDOLPH:

What?

JUDY:

(SMUGLY) Jealousy.

SOUND:

PHONE BEING DIALED...CLICK THROUGH RECEIVER

JUDY:

I'm calling Edgar right now.

EDGAR (FILTER) Hello.

JUDY:

Hello, is that you, Edgar?

EDGAR:

(FILTER) Yeah...what do you want, Judy?

JUDY:

(PLEASANTLY, SPRINGING A SURPRISE) How would you like to have a date?

RANDOLPH:

Isn't this a slight reversal of form?

EDGAR:

(FILTER.....A LITTLE FLABBERGASTED) Huh? Why, sure Judy -- any time you say.

JUDY:

How about tonight?

EDGAR:

(FILTER) Swell. When'll I pick you up?

JUDY:

Oh, the date's not with me. It's with a new girl who just came to town.

RANDOLPH:

A terribly new girl -- just thirty-four years old.

JUDY:

(ASIDE) Be quiet, Randolph. (INTO PHONE) Is it a date, Edgar?

EDGAR:

(FILTER) What're you tryin' to pass off on me -- some dog?

JUDY:

Why, Edgar -- what a way to talk! This girl is just about the cutest number you ever saw!

EDGAR:

(FILTER) What's the matter with her?

JUDY:

Nothing -- she's just my aunt, that's all. She's very young and very attractive. --

RANDOLPH:

---and hasn't had a date for six years.

JUDY:

Randolph! (INTO PHONE, TURNING ON THE SEX) Edgar....will you do this --- for me ...?

EDGAR:

(FILTER...RELUCTANTLY) Well -- all right, I'll do it, if you'll promise to go with me to the Summer Prom.

JUDY:

It's a date. Now come right over and take out Aunt Lily.

EDGAR:

(FILTER....MAKING A FACE) Aunt Lily --! (SIGHING) Okay, Judy -- I'll be right over.

SOUND:

PHONE UP

JUDY:

He's going to do it. (CALLING) Aunt Lily. Aunt Lily.

LILY:

(FADING IN) Yes, Judy?

JUDY:

Aunt Lily, I've got you a date with a new man.

LILY:

(WHO IS VERY UNHAPPY) I don't want a date with a new man, Judy.

JUDY:

Why, Aunt Lily, don't be silly. You didn't want a date with Mr. Manchester, and just look how he turned out.

RANDOLPH:

Yes, just look.

JUDY:

You'll probably be just as bats about this guy as you are about Mr. Manchester.

LILY:

Oh, no, Judy. I couldn't be.

JUDY:

Well, you know who you're doing this for? You're having this date just for Mr. Manchester.

LILY:

For Mr. Manchester?

JUDY:

Of course. He'll be simply eaten up with jealousy when he hears you're dating other men. Jealousy always works.

LILY:

(A SMALL RAY OF HOPE) It does?

JUDY:

Always. It has with me for years. Now, Aunt Lily, it's absolutely
imperative you impress Edgar. Because then he'll get you dates with
other boys, and the first thing you know it'll get back to Mr.
Manchester you're chasing around with everybody.

LILY:

Will that be good?

JUDY:

He'll be eaten up. Now look, Aunt Lily, we've got to rebuild your personality entirely.

LILY:

Again?

JUDY:

We're going to rehearse. Randolph, you're Edgar.

RANDOLPH:

I'm who?

JUDY:

You pretend you're dating Aunt Lily...that'll give me a chance to stand back and direct.

LILY:

Really, Judy -- is this necessary?

JUDY:

Certainly. Sometimes I rehearse for days what I'm going to say to Edgar.

RANDOLPH:

(OFF, CALLING) Well, I'm in the Edgar mood -- and here I come -- ready or not.

JUDY:

(PROJECTING) All right, Randolph, make your entrance. (SOTTO) Aunt Lily, you just sit where you are and act perky.

LILY:

Judy, somehow my heart isn't in this.

JUDY:

Remember it's all for Mr. Manchester. Well, Randolph?

RANDOLPH:

(FADING IN...A THROATY BARITONE) Why, my dear Miss Rogen, it's a pleasure to see you again. May I kiss your hand?

JUDY:

(IRRITATED) Randolph, you know Edgar doesn't talk like that. You don't have to be so - so Shakespearean.

RANDOLPH:

Oh, excuse me. It's the Manchester influence. Okay, I'll start over. Hi ya, goon - let's spoon.

JUDY:

(CRITICALLY) That's too abrupt, Randolph. Work up to it gradually.

RANDOLPH:

Okay. But stop interrupting. Now it's going to take me a minute to slip back into my Edgar character again.

SOUND:

DOORBELL BUZZER

JUDY:

Oh, dear, that must be Edgar. And we haven't even had time to rehearse.

LILY:

(SADLY) It really doesn't make much difference, Judy.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENING

JUDY:

Hello, Edgar.

EDGAR:

Hi ya, Judy.

JUDY:

Oh, Edgar, I want you to meet your date, Aunt Lily. Aunt Lily, this is Edgar. Edgar, this is Miss Rogen.

LILY:

How do you do?

EDGAR:

(SOLEMNLY) How do you do? It's a pleasure to meet you.

RANDOLPH:

Gee, he's positively Shakespearean!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE)

JUDY:

Edgar! Goopers! What are you doing over at my house so early in the morning?

EDGAR:

(RAPT) I couldn't sleep. So I just thought I'd - come over.

JUDY:

Did you have a nice time with Aunt Lily last night?

EDGAR:

(ALL CHOKED UP) Judy -- I've got to talk to you.

JUDY:

Well, of course - go ahead.

EDGAR:

(ECSTATICALLY) Judy, I'm bats about her!

JUDY:

Who?

EDGAR (IN RINGING TONES) Lily...!

JUDY:

Aunt Lily?

EDGAR:

Don't keep calling her Aunt Lily. She's hardly older than you are.

JUDY:

Why, Edgar Wilson, she's twice my age. And yours, too!

EDGAR:

(IN A DREAM WORLD) That's just it...she's so mature...and wonderful...

JUDY:

Edgar Wilson, have you got a crush on Aunt Lily?

EDGAR:

Don't call it a crush. That sounds so -- well, childish. And
Lily's so -- well, spiritual. And womanly and everything. I want to ask
you something, Judy.

JUDY:

What?

EDGAR:

Do you think I have the right to ask Lily to wait for me?

JUDY:

Wait for you!

EDGAR Yes...just until I finish high school.

JUDY:

Edgar, you're out of your mind.

EDGAR:

No, I'm not. A lot of men have married older women. When I'm
sixty, she'll only be seventy-seven. And what difference does it make
when you're seventy-seven?

JUDY:

Oh, bugs -- I never thought this would happen!

EDGAR:

Would you mind just awfully, Judy, if I took Lily to the Summer Prom instead of you?

JUDY:

(DISMALLY) Oh, caterpillars.

EDGAR:

(ANXIOUS) May I see Lily please?

JUDY:

She's still sleeping. Do you want me to wake her?

EDGAR:

No, no. I wouldn't disturb her sylvan dreams for anything. I'll
come back later. G'bye, Judy. (FADES, SINGING THE BRIDGE FROM
"JINGLE-JANGLE") "Oh, Lily-Belle...Oh, Lily-Bell..."

JUDY:

This is grim -- ! (SCREAMING) Randolph! Randolph, come here - I need you!

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS

RANDOLPH:

(FADING IN) What's the matter now, Miss Fairfax?

JUDY:

(WOE BEGONE) The triangle just back-fired. Edgar is ga-ga about Aunt Lily.

RANDOLPH:

Now I've seen everything.

JUDY:

And me -- I'm just positively ga-ga about Edgar! Randolph, there's
only one thing to do. Go to the library right away. Grab Mr.
Manchester. Tell him Aunt Lily is in grave danger!

RANDOLPH:

Of what? Being robbed by the cradle?

JUDY:

Tell him he has a rival -- and if he wants to hold Aunt Lily, he'd better move fast.

RANDOLPH:

Sweet, unselfish little Judy! Of course, you aren't worried about holding Edgar or anything.

JUDY:

Randolph, don't quibble. Get down to that library and see what you can do!

RANDOLPH:

(FADING) The mounted police to the rescue! I'm on my way!

JUDY:

(SUDDENLY REALIZING) Hey --! If Edgar married Aunt Lily, he'd be my uncle! Yipes!

MUSIC:

(QUICK BRIDGE)

JUDY:

Aunt Lily, tell me something very frankly -- how do you feel toward Edgar Wilson?

LILY:

(MATTER-OF-FACTLY) Why, I think he's a very sweet boy, Judy. I like him very much.

JUDY:

(DEVASTATED) You do ....?!

LILY:

Of course. Why, what's the matter, Judy?

JUDY:

(GRIMLY) Do you love him very much? Because if you do, I'll give him up --!

LILY:

(BREAKS INTO A WARM, SYMPATHETIC LAUGH) Why, you crazy child! Did you think I was trying to take Edgar away from you?

JUDY:

It kinda looked that way...

LILY:

Well, you can stop worrying right this minute. I think he's very nice -- and young -- but that's all.

JUDY (RELIEVED, HUGGING HER) Gee, Aunt Lily -- you're wonderful! (THEN BREAKING AWAY, EXPLOSIVELY) Goopers!!!!

LILY:

Judy -- what's the matter?

JUDY:

(WITH DIFFICULTY) Well -- if Mr. Manchester should happen by in a
little while, and he's in a jealous rage, and you think I had anything
to do with it -- (BREAKS OFF, SWALLOWS) well...I did!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE)

RANDOLPH:

(NORMAL VOICE) Well, like I been tellin' yuh, Mr. Manchester....

MANCHESTER:

(SOTTO) Hush...no loud talking in the library, Randolph.

RANDOLPH:

(ALSO SOTTO) Well, what I've been tryin' to tell yuh is that my Aunt Lily's been running around with another man.

MANCHESTER:

(CRESTFALLEN) She has --!

RANDOLPH:

Yeah...he's practically on the verge of almost proposing to her.

MANCHESTER:

Hush! He is?

RANDOLPH:

Yep! It's one of those whirlwind courtships. He's got her practically swept off her feet.

MANCHESTER:

Hush! Oh, that's terrible.

RANDOLPH:

He likes her because she's so simple and - intellectual and
everything. You know, that day we saw you in the street -- she was just
made up that way because she was going to a masquerade.

MANCHESTER:

(HAPPY ABOUT THAT) Hush! A masquerade? Why, I never thought of that.

RANDOLPH:

Yes, she was going as Judy. Everybody had to go like somebody else. You heard her practicing talking like Judy.

MANCHESTER:

Yes, I did. (VOICE RISING) A masquerade! Well, that's wonderful news!

RANDOLPH:

Of course, if you move fast, you may still be in time to stop the elopement.

MANCHESTER:

(RIGHT OUT LOUD) Randolph, I'm going to move faster than I've ever moved in all my life!!!

RANDOLPH:

Hush, Mr. Manchester -- remember the library!

MUSIC:

(BRIDGE)

JUDY:

(THRILLED) Oh, Randolph, you'll never guess what! Mr. Manchester
came dashing over here a while ago, and took out Aunt Lily!

RANDOLPH:

He did? Well, imagine that!

JUDY:

Yes, and he was just simply terribly attentive. He acted awfully funny. You know what he said to her?

RANDOLPH:

No. And I wouldn't even take a chance on guessing.

JUDY:

Well, he said "Don't do it, Lily."

RANDOLPH:

(TONGUE IN CHEEK) I wonder what he meant by that.

JUDY:

I don't know. But he said "Don't do it, Lily," just like that. And
then he said "I'll make you a devoted husband myself - even though my
courtship has not been whirlwind."

RANDOLPH:

Did he really.

JUDY:

Yes. Gee, he talked about being her devoted husband already -- it sounds mighty whirlwind to me.

RANDOLPH:

It kind of blows me over too.

JUDY:

He was simply ardent. I just don't understand it, Randolph.
Because Aunt Lily wasn't a bit hep or glamorous or anything today. She
was just herself again.

RANDOLPH:

Oh, that same old personality she used to have?

JUDY:

Yes. (SIGH) Well, it wasn't like we planned it - but anyhow, I really think Aunt Lily's hooked Mr. Manchester.

RANDOLPH:

Yep, Judy, I think we dood it.

JUDY:

(PLEASED) Randolph, sometimes I think we're positive geniuses.

RANDOLPH:

Hey...look who's comin' up the front walk -- Edgar!

JUDY:

(INDIFFERENTLY) Oh, Edgar - him.

RANDOLPH:

Gee, now that Aunt Lily's going to marry Mr. Manchester, it looks like you've got Edgar back again.

JUDY:

(INDIFFERENTLY) Ho hum.

RANDOLPH:

What's the matter? Aren't you positively ga-ga about the guy?

JUDY:

(COMPLETELY UNCONCERNED) Edgar Wilson? He doesn't mean a thing to me -- !

MUSIC:

(FLIP TAG, TO CURTAIN)

ANNOUNCER:

Hold on, the story's not over....

(INSERT COMMERCIAL PAGE 33)

 

MUSIC:

(THEME, HIT AND FADE)

MOTHER:

Children, I just got another letter from Grandma.

JUDY:

What does she say?

MOTHER:

Well, let me see. She says -- "I'm very happy to hear about Lily's engagement, and -- " (BREAKS OFF) Oh, good heavens!

RANDOLPH:

What's the matter, Mother?

MOTHER:

She's sending Aunt Gertrude and Cousin Georgiana to visit us. (WAILING) She wants us to get them married too!

MUSIC:

(TAGS)

(APPLAUSE)

 

MUSIC:

(SEGUE TO THEME)

ANNOUNCER:

Remember, you all have another DATE WITH JUDY next Tuesday
night. A DATE WITH JUDY, with Delly Ellis and Dix Davis, is written by
Aleen Leslie and Jerome Lawrence. Original music by Gordon Jenkins.

For the safety of your smile, use PEPSODENT twice a day -- see your dentist twice a year.

Larry Keating speaking. This program came to you from Hollywood.

This is the NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.