WILCOX:

The Johnson Wax program with Fibber McGee and Molly!

MUSIC:

OPENING THEME -Up and under Cue # _______

WILCOX:

The makers of Johnson’s Wax and Johnson’s Self-Polishing Glo-Coat presents Fibber McGee and Molly, with Bill Thompson, Gale Gordon, Arthur Q. Brian, Bea Benaderet, and me, Harlow Wilcox. The script is by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie. Music by the King’s men and Billy Mills’ orchestra.

MUSIC:

THEME -Fade out Cue # _______

WILCOX:

It’s brighter! It’s brighter than ever, better than any! That’s the news about the self-polishing floor-wax, 949 Glo-Coat. In kitchens from coast to coast, women are finding out that 949 Glo-Coat gives them three major improvements. First, you now get almost twice the shine on your linoleum. Twice the shine you used to get. That new glow in Glo-Coat is a brighter glow and you get it without rubbing or buffing. Second, it’s a longer wearing glow. Actually, the fine-wax luster of your linoleum lasts almost twice as long, because 949 Glo-Coat covers the surface with a tougher finish. Third, Glo-Coat is easier to apply. It spreads more uniformly. In addition, Glo-Coat now goes farther. Ask you dealer for the 949 Glo-Coat. It’s longer wearing, easier to apply, and most important, Glo-Coat’s got a new glow that makes it brighter than ever, better than any!

MUSIC:

THEME Fade in and out Cue # _______

WILCOX:

If you know the party who left a 925 sedan with pleated fenders, three flat tires and all the paint chipped off, in front of 79 Wistful Vista, night before last, please tell him to come pick it up. Because out at the curb looking it over for the fourth time and very annoyed about it, are the people who live at 79, FIBBER MCGEE AND MOLLY!

FIBBER:

Look at this broken down jalopy still sittin’ here, Molly. Somebody’s got a lot of crust leavin’ this rusty hunk of busted junk in front’a our house.

MOLLY:

You know, I wouldn’t even have known it was an automobile if it didn’t have that fox tail on the radio aerial.

FIBBER:

That ain’t even the aerial - that’s the bumper stickin’ up. What a heap. Every time I kick this crate, somethin’ falls off of it.

SFX::

Crash of metal

MOLLY:

Kick it again. Maybe it’ll just disintegrate.

FIBBER:

(laughs) (Heh heh) You know what I gotta good notion to do? I gotta good notion to call the cops.

MOLLY:

The cops? Who would you have them arrest? Us?

FIBBER:

(fast, not making sense) Why of course not! They can hide out in the shrubbery here, and whoever abandoned this old jalopy and left it - when he doesn’t come back to pick it up, they can slap the handcuffs on him – in the jug -- like a gallon of cider -- see -- put him. (pause) You see?

MOLLY:

No. No, I didn’t quite get that.

FIBBER:

Simple enough.

MOLLY:

Hahaha.

FIBBER:

Nobody’s gonna get away with leavin’ a pile a junk like this in front of our house and ... hey, do we know this gal comin’ here? She looks like she’s goin’ to speak to us.

MOLLY:

Oh yes, we saw her last week, McGee ...

GAL:

(fast, sing-songy) Well, good gracious, if it isn’t Mr. And Mrs. McGee. Hello, Mr. And Mrs. McGee, I didn’t know you lived here. Do you? My, it certainly is a small world, isn’t it? Just small.

MOLLY:

Yes. Yes it is Mrs. Uh....

GAL:

I’ll bet you’re wondering how I knew your name because we’ve never really been properly introduced at all, not at all, so I just said to Mr. Kramer, you know Mr. Kramer at the drug store, Kramer’s drug store. Oh, did you have an accident with your car?

FIBBER:

Kramer? Oh us. Oh, no. No, this isn’t our car, Mrs...er...Mrs.er...

GAL:

Oh, the way people drive these days is just awful. I was driving downtown yesterday, when I pulled out of a safety zone to make a U turn. A man banged right into my front bumper with his back fender. My front bumper!

FIBBER:

Well, you can’t trust a man driver, Sis. Try to dry your nail polish and they think you’re signaling for a turn.

GAL:

You should have heard him scream about one little old fender torn off. But I showed him. I just drove on. It’s not my car anyhow, it’s my sister Thelma’s. And I don’t even have a driver’s license, so it’s not my problem. His Fender.

MOLLY:

Well,I hope Thelma wasn’t angry about her bumper.

GAL:

Thelma? My sister Thelma? Do know Thelma?

FIBBER:

O h n o. N o , w e d o n ’ t k n o w h e r . W e j u s t h e a r d y o u m e n t i o n ...

GAL:

I must go tell Thelma I saw you. Oh, it’s so nice running into old friends this way, and I do wish you’d call me up some time, Mrs. McGee. I’m in the phone book, you know, the book. Goodbye.

MOLLY:

Goodbye, uh, Thelma’s sister.

FIBBER:

You know, I’m beginning to look forward to these little visits with her, Molly. It’s so soothing to the nerves when she leaves.

MOLLY:

She is a bit garrulous, isn’t she?

FIBBER:

Yeah.Talks too much, too. –But I got other problems right now, Kiddo. This dadratted junk heap here. Hey! Do you suppose any of those tires are worth prying off of there?

MOLLY:

No. They’re in ribbons, McGee.

FIBBER:

Yeah.

MOLLY:

Just look at them. Those casings are as full of old rips as a legion convention.

FIBBER:

Doggone it, there must be a law against leaving ... Oh, oh, look who’s here. Hi, Old Timer.

MOLLY:

Hello, Mr. Old Timer.

OLDTMR:

Hello there, kids. Hello, Daughter, hel---. Hey. Hey, where’d you get the hot rod, Johnny? Looks like you built it yourself.

FIBBER:

No, no. This is no hot rod. It’s just a pile of junk.

OLDTMR:

It’ll never run,son. I can tell by looking at it. You gotta take them fenders off and drop the spring hangers, see. Then you tack a pair of chrome jets on the back end, hook up twin pipes to the intake, and soup up the deal (so ...)

FIBBER:

Hey, hey, hey, hey...cut it out. This is just a pile of junk...hey, where’d you get all that hot rod talk? You been running with the high school crowd?

OLDTMR:

Oh, I still drive a drag now and then, Johnny. Used to drive in all the big races when I was younger...

FIBBER:

That so?

OLDTMR:

Had my own crew to take care of my car.

FIBBER:

Hmm.

OLDTMR:

One time I had me the greatest grease monkey in the business.

FIBBER:

Well, what could be so great about a job like that?

OLDTMR:

He was the only grease monkey in town, Johnny, with a tail two fuwwweeet long.

FIBBER:
MOLLY:

(Laugh)

OLDTMR:

Two FOOT. That is. Well sir, Johnny, I got him from a circus.

FIBBER:

From a circus?

OLDTMR:

Hey, he used to hang by his tail from the crank shaft and grease all four wheels at once.

MOLLY:

(laughs): He should have been cheap help, all right. He probably worked for peanuts. (laughs)

OLDTMR:

(laughs) Hee, hee, hee. That’s pretty good daughter......ahhh, but I’ll ignore it. Yep, this monkey was mighty smart, kid. My brother Calvin used to lead him to school on a leash every day, but he got too smart, finally.....

FIBBER:

Yeah?

OLDTMR:

When he came home one day with the monkey leading Calvin on a leash, Papa sold him... the monkey that is. We kept Calvin.

FIBBER:

Well, look, that’s very interesting. But I ...

OLDTMR:

Yes sir, like I say, I drove some mighty big races in my day. One time I was racing across country from Jersey City to Albany.

MOLLY:

A cross-country race. That must have been exciting.

OLDTMR:

Yeah! Well, I knew it was gonna be tough see.

FIBBER:

Yeah.

OLDTMR:

So I hunched down in my seat... fixed my eyes on the white line in the middle of the road, and off I went like a bullet.

FIBBER:

You drove by the line, huh?

OLDTMR:

I never took my eyes off’a that line, Johnny. Till I wound up three days later in... Mobile, Alabama.

MOLLY:

Mobile?

FIBBER:

My gosh. How could that happen?

OLDTMR:

Optical illusion, kids. The line in the road turned out to be a crack in my goggles.

MUSIC:

Cue # _______ (0:45)

WILCOX:

Billy Mills and the orchestra and “Brush Those Tears From Your Eyes”.

FIBBER:

You know, I’ve had enough of seeing that rusty old jalopy setting out there in front, Kiddo. I’m gonna call the cops.

MOLLY:

Aren’t you being a little inconsistent, Dearie?

FIBBER:

How so, inconsistent?

MOLLY:

Well, you’re the one who’s always making insulting remarks about our police force.

FIBBER:

Yeah, but gee whiz, Molly.

MOLLY:

Here. Here’s the phone. Call the boys in blue.

FIBBER:

OK.

MOLLY:

It’s always the ones who holler “Cossack” at the cops who are the first to holler copper when there’s a noise in the basement. Go ahead, call them.

FIBBER:

Well, I will if you’ll pipe down for a minute, Loveboat.

MOLLY:

All right.

FIBBER:

Matter of fact, I’ve changed my mind. I ain’t even going to call the cops. I’m going right to the top with this. I’m gonna call LaTrivia.

SFX:

Phone cradle pickup

MOLLY:

The Mayor? Isn’t that a rather trivial affair to be calling...

FIBBER:

Hello, operator, give me the city... Hellooo, is that you Mert?

MOLLY:

Ah, dear!

FIBBER:

How’s every little thing, Mert? ‘Tis eh? What say, Mert? Yeah, I want to talk to the Mayor.

MOLLY:

Oh.

FIBBER:

Give him a ring, will ya?

SFX:

Doorchime

FIBBER:

Thanks, Mert.

MOLLY:

McGee, that was the doorbell. Come in.

SFX:

Door opens

FIBBER:

We got a bad connection, Mert. It’s full of noises. Clear it up, will ya?

SFX:

Door closes

FIBBER:

That’s better. Hello. Hello.

LATRIV:

Hello.

MOLLY:

Hello.

FIBBER:

Hey, get off the line lady, I’m talking to the Mayor.

MOLLY:

OK, Mr...

FIBBER:

Hello. Is that you, LaTrivia?

LATRIV:

Yes. This is I. How are you, McGee?

FIBBER:

Fine, kid. Recognize my voice?
LATRIV: Yes. Your voice and the back of your head.

MOLLY:

McGee,the Mayor’ s right (here with...)

FIBBER:

Quiet Molly, I’m talking to the Mayor. Hey, La Triv, I got a squawk.

LATRIV:

You usually have.

FIBBER:

Well this is legit, kid. There’s been an old wreck of a car left in the street out in front of my place, and I want the city to haul it away.

LATRIV:

I’ll refer it to the proper department, McGee. Is that all?

FIBBER:

That’s all, La Triv. Thanks a lot.

LATRIV:

Not at all. As Mayor of this community, I suppose it’s my duty to listen to complaints, and separate the real ones from the stupid ones, and I know which kind this is.

FIBBER:

(laughs) You said it. It sure is. (pause) Ok kid, so long.

LATRIV:

Good day.

MOLLY:

Good day, your Honor.

SFX:

Door closes. Hang up phone.

FIBBER:

Hey, who just came in? I heard the door slam.

MOLLY:

Mice, I guess.

FIBBER:

Well, I just talked to LaTrivia at the city hall, Kid. He says he’s (gonna...)

SFX:

Door opens

LATRIV:

Uh... one question, McGee. How long did you say that car had been there?

FIBBER:

Two days, at least, La Trivia.

LATRIV:

Oh, thank you.

SFX:

Door closes

FIBBER:

Well, I will say for LaTrivia, he’s Jerry at the rat hole when it comes to...hey!

MOLLY:

Yes?

FIBBER:

How’d he get here so quick? My gosh, I just talked to him at the city hall. HUH! Guess I swing more weight down there than I thought.

MOLLY:

You swing more weight almost everywhere than you think, Dearie. Incidentally, or not so incidentally, your pants need pressing.

FIBBER:

Well, I’ve been very busy and I haven’t had time to sit in ‘em.

SFX:

Door opens

WILCOX:

Hello Molly! Hi-ya pal!

SFX: Door closes

WILCOX:

Hey. Have you got relatives visiting here?

MOLLY: No, Mr. Wilcox, the last relative we had visiting here was Uncle Dennis.

FIBBER:

Remember Uncle Dennis, kids, better known as Half Gainer Martini, the olive diver?:

MOLLY: Now McGee, don’t pick on Uncle Dennis. After all, he has a heart of gold.

FIBBER:

Well, he must have a nickel-plated liver, too. (pause) Why’d you ask if we had any visitors, Junior?

WILCOX:

Well, I just thought if that old junk car out there belonged to somebody you know, I’d keep my mouth shut.

MOLLY:

That was very tactful of you, Mr. Wilcox... but we don’t know who left it there and McGee has already put in a complaint to the City about it.

FIBBER:

Somebody had a lot of nerve using the street in front of our house for a junk yard.

WILCOX:

Oh well, you know how some people are, pal.... No feeling for appearances..

FIBBER: Yeah...

WILCOX:

They don’t keep up with things. I heard the other day of a woman in Pennsylvania who still uses an old-fashioned mop and scrub-brush on her linoleum.

FIBBER:

Nooo!

MOLLY:

That’s ridiculous! (pause) You’re just makin’ that up!

WILCOX:

No... really, really. One of our salesmen in Pennsylvania is sending me photographs of this woman actually scrubbing her linoleum.

FIBBER:

You mean she never heard of ....

WILCOX:

Apparently not.

FIBBER:

Well...

WILCOX:

And when our man showed her and her husband how to use Johnson’s self polishing Glo-Coat with a new glow, and how easy it was... and how it dried in 20 minutes or less to a lovely protective gloss, without any rubbing or buffing, you know what she did?

FIBBER:

No...

WILCOX:

She took the shot gun down off the deer antlers and shot him in the leg.

FIBBER:

Oh...

MOLLY:

She shot a wax salesman? Why that’s a misdemeanor.

FIBBER:

Yea... It’s at least a disorderly misconduct.

WILCOX:

No, no, no. She didn’t shoot the salesman, she shot her husband.

MOLLY:

She’ll have to learn to control those urges and I speak as one who knows.

FIBBER:

Well why’d she shoot her husband, Junior?

WILCOX:

Because he’d always known about Johnson’s self polishing Glo-Coat and had never told her about it. He was afraid if her housework was too easy, she’d have too much leisure, to read the catalogs, and get to wanting things.

MOLLY:

Well, good for her. He had it coming.

WILCOX:

Then she sent her husband to the hospital, Glo-Coated her linoleum again, just for the fun of it, and spent the rest of the week ordering stuff out of the catalog with his $300 accident insurance. (pause) Well... I’ve got to get along. Got to meet my cousin, Big Blowhard Wilcox.

FIBBER:

Big Blowhard Wilcox? What does he do, Junior?

WILCOX:

He’s a glass blower. He’s making me a 40-gallon aquarium.

FIBBER:

Ohhh...?

WILCOX:

My guppies just had puppies. (pause) (off mike) See ya latter!

SFX:

Door closes.
SFX: Applause. Cue # _______

MOLLY:

You think that was a true story he told us, McGee?

FIBBER:

I don’t know. Anything can happen in Pennsylvania. I ever tell you about when I and Milton Spilk were working in a shingle mill in Pennsylvania?

MOLLY:

You and Milton who?

FIBBER:

Spilk. Well, sir, one day Milt fell into the machinery and got sliced up pretty bad. Doctor said is was the worst case of shingles he ever saw.

MOLLY:

What a horrible thing to joke about.

FIBBER:

(laughs) Yeah. But on the other hand, why cry over Milt Spilk. That’s why...(off) hey! Where are you going?

MOLLY:

Upstairs to open the windows (pause for laughter) If you hear from the Mayor about that car let me know, Dearie.

FIBBER:

OK, Tootsie. Ah, there goes a good kid. And lucky, too. She knew when she loaned me that two bucks to buy our marriage license she’d get it back. And she will, too. Boy, I...

SFX:

Doorchime.

FIBBER:

Come in.

SFX:

Door opens

TEENY:

Hi, Mister... (giggles)

FIBBER:

Oh, hello there, Teeny. Come in.

TEENY:

OK.

SFX:

Door closes

TEENY:

Hey, whose awful looking car is that out there? Gee, is it ever a creepy old crate. Whose is it, Mister? Hmmm? Who’s is it? Hmmm?

FIBBER:

Well, I don’t know whose it is. If I did, I’d rub his face into it so deep, he’d have rusty bolts coming out of his ears for a week!

TEENY:

Oh?

FIBBER:

Somebody dumped that old heap there and left it, and I’ve been trying to get rid of it all day.

TEENY:

Oh, boy. I wish me and Willie Toops had that old car. Can we have it, Mister? We’ll take it, hmmm? Can we have it, hmmm? Can we?

FIBBER:

If you can get that thing out of there, Sis, you’re welcome to it.

TEENY:

Oh, boy!

FIBBER:

What would you and Willie do with it anyhow? Build a sand pile in the back seat?

TEENY:

Oh no. We’d sell it for junk, Mister. Willie’s uncle is a junk man. He’d pay us plenty for it.

FIBBER:

Sell it for junk! Oh my gosh, I never thought of that. Why, the metal alone ought to be worth (turn from Teeny - sorta whisper) gulp... cough...eh... look Sis, I, heh heh, just thought of something.

TEENY:

Oh, oh. Here it comes.

FIBBER:

You see, well, uh, well, it wouldn’t be right to let you sell a car that I could sell myself... (clears throat) I mean that... we don’t know who it belongs to... would it?

TEENY:

Why?

FIBBER:

Well, if you sold it, I mean, uh, if uh, well uh, just suppose that’s the only car the poor guys got, you see.

TEENY:

Yeah. He’s in trouble, isn’t he? Sure. Umhmm?

FIBBER:

Suppose he needs it. Suppose his little children are crying for milk and he hasn’t got any way to get out to the dairy?

TEENY:

They deliver.

FIBBER:

But how would they know where? Even we don’t know the guy. Suppose he comes and he says where’s my car he says. And I says I gave it to Teeny. She sold it for junk to Willie Toops’s uncle, I says. Why the poor guy would be heart-broke.

TEENY:

Gee. Gee, Mister, you sure tell it sad. I...I couldn’t take that poor man’s car. His little children. No milk.

FIBBER:

Good. Now you run along and...

TEENY:

I’ll stay till he comes after it, Mister...I got a nickel. I’ll give it to him for milk for his children.

FIBBER:

No, no. Now that’s very sweet of you, Teeny, but, well, you don’t have to stick around. (You can...)

TEENY:

Oh, I can wait. I’ll wait all day. I’ll give him my nickel.

FIBBER:

(firmly) Look, Sis. That’s a very sweet thought, but, well, I got a phone call to make. Hmm. Here, why don’t you take this buck and get down to Kramer’s Drug Store and slug yourself some sodas.

TEENY:

Well, since you put if that way, OK. Thank you Mr. McGee, and here, this is for you. You’ll need this.

FIBBER:

Me? What is it? A business card. Huh?

TEENY:

Willie Toops’s uncle’s a junk man. He’ll come right over when you call him as soon as I get out of the house... And me and Willie get a cut on all the business we throw him. So long, Mister.

SFX:

Door closes

FIBBER:

Why that little...

MUSIC:

and Applause Cue # _______

WILCOX:

The King’s Men and “It’s What You Do With What You Got.”

SFX:

Applause Cue # _______ (0:45)

MOLLY:

McGee, you’ve been staring out the front window for twenty minutes. Has someone come for the old jalopy, I hope?

FIBBER:

Not yet, but somebody’s gonna.

MOLLY:

Good. Who is it?

FIBBER:

A junkman, Kiddo. A bright idea of mine that’s not only goin’ to unclutter our curb, but also pay us enough cash dough to take us to a dinner, and a movie, and (pause) maybe buy you a new Easter bonnet.

MOLLY:

McGee, how wonderful! You think of the most amazing things... eventually.

FIBBER:

Well, I just happen to have a talent for sharp thinking, Kiddo. I was just analyzing the situation, and the guy abandoned the car, so nobody owned it, so suddenly I...

SFX:

Doorchime

FIBBER:

Oh, oh. This may be him. Come in.

SFX:

Door opens

DOC:

(Excited) Molly, I just saw the car. When was the accident? What did he hit? Is he badly hurt? Why didn’t you call me the minute...(it happened...)

FIBBER:

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Take it easy, fee-hungry. I’m OK; I’m not hurt. Get that “we’ll operate in the morning” look out’a your eye and relax.

DOC:

Oh, fine. Not a scratch on him. It’s even worse than I thought .

FIBBER:

Well, if you were looking at that heap out in front, Doctor, that underslung fright that looks like it was slung under a freight, that isn’t even our car. Somebody abandoned it there.

DOC:

Well, I’m a little relieved, kids. When I saw that thing out front - I thought, well, this is it. Little paper brain has finally met somebody more lead footed and pigheaded than he is.

MOLLY:

Now Doctor, he doesn’t have such a heavy foot.

DOC:

Oh no? I was with him when he bought his last car. And I noticed that by the time we got home, all the horsehair in the upholstery had turned white.

FIBBER:

Look who’s talkin’ about other people’s drivin’. Who was it that cut that corner too sharp at Fourteenth and Oak, and the door handle chopped three brass buttons off the front end of a policeman?

MOLLY:

Yeah. Who was it?

FIBBER: Hey, come to think of it that was me, wasn’t it?

DOC:

Yes, it was. In fact, I was telling Miss Tremaine last night...

MOLLY:

Oh, Fifi Tremaine. How is your romance coming, Doctor?

FIBBER:

Yeah, how is the race between you and LaTrivia coming along, Doc? You both still neck and neck with Fifi? Or won’t she sit on the porch swing these cold nights?

DOC:

That, you nosy little gossip hunter, is none of your business.

MOLLY:

(Laughs)

DOC:

I have been meaning to ask you though, Molly, if you know anything that’s good for removing lipstick?

FIBBER:

Stop bragging.

MOLLY:

Lipstick? Well, (chuckles) frankly, Doctor, and this goes clear back to our courtship days, the best lipstick remover I’ve ever known is... (chuckles) McGee.

DOC:

Well, good. One of my patients left hers on my chair, and I’ve got a smudge on my best pair of slacks. I’ll bring them (over).

SFX:

(pause for laughter and applause) Doorchime

FIBBER:

Oh, that’s for me, Kiddo. I’m expecting a guy. (going off) I’ll be right back after...

DOC:

I’ll miss you. No kidding, Molly, when I saw that twisted up pile of antique metal out there I was really worried. I thought McGee had gone to sleep at the wheel and driven under the first six elephants of a parade.

MOLLY:

(Laughs) No, Doctor, we don’t even know who left it here, more’s the pity. If I did, I’d give him a piece of my mind that would...

FIBBER:

(coming on) Well, that’s that, Kiddo. I got rid of that jalopy and the guy paid me twenty-seven and a half bucks for it.

MOLLY:

Twenty-seven fifty?

FIBBER:

Yup. I asked for thirty-five and he offered me thirty, so as long as we were only five bucks apart on the deal, we split the difference at twenty-seven fifty.

DOC:

My, what a business man. Take off your socks McGee and let’s see if you can count up to eighteen on your fingers and toes.

MOLLY:

Did he pay you in cash, Dearie?

FIBBER:

Here, take a look, Snookie. These ain’t dandelion greens. He said I... Oh, you gotta go Doc?

DOC:

Yes. I have to get over to the hospital. One of the wards is badly ventilated.

MOLLY:

Well, uh, what can you do about it, Doctor?

DOC:

Patch him up. This is Eddie Ward, one of my interns.... ...sat on a rake.

SFX:

Door closes

FIBBER:

Aah. Good ole Doc. Really a warm hearted old character, you know. You notice how sympathetic he got when there was a chance to do a little embroidery on my rose petal skin?

MOLLY:

I think he was genuinely perturbed when he saw that old wreck out there,though, Dearie. What’d the junk man say when...

SFX:

Door opens

DOC:

Say, did I walk over here or did I drive?

MOLLY:

You drove, Doctor. I saw your car pull up.

DOC:

Well, it’s gone now. Let me use your phone to report this to the police.

FIBBER:

Oh! Oh my gosh! Hey, Fatso!

DOC:

Yeah?

FIBBER:

I told that junk man to take the car to the left of the driveway. I meant to the left as you face the street. He must have taken the wrong car. Oooh, oh, oh my gosh!

DOC:

Wait a minute, you little bandit. You mean you sold my car to that junk man?

FIBBER:

(Stammers) Ohhh...Ohhhh...

DOC:

Well, trace him, get him back, get a move on.

MOLLY:

Hurry, McGee, before they break it up for junk

FIBBER:

I can’t. I don’t know where his junk yard is.

DOC:

Well, what’s his name, stupid? Think! Hurry up!

FIBBER:

I can’t. I don’t know his name. I...I, he ... I gave his business card back to him because he said it was the only one he had.

MOLLY:

Oohh, dear. This is terrible. Where’d you get his card, McGee?

FIBBER:

From the little girl across... hey, wait a minute.

SFX:

Door opens

FIBBER:

(calls out the door) Hey, Teeny, hey, SIS, come here a minute.

TEENY:

Hi, Mister. Whatcha want? Hmmm? Whatcha want? Hmmm?

FIBBER:

Look, look, Sis. Get this, it’s important. What’s the name of Willie Toops’s uncle? The junk man you told me about. What’s his name?

TEENY:

Why, Mister?

DOC:

(Angrily) Because he took my car my mistake, little girl, and if I don’t get it back, it will cost Mr. McGee a thousand dollars.

TEENY:

Oh, boy. (giggles) Hey, Willie! Come here a minute; there’s a deal cookin’! Well, Mr. McGee, let’s talk business.

MUSIC:

and applause Under and out Cue # ______

WILCOX:

Remember to try 949 Glo-Coat. Glo-Coat’s got new glow that means you get a brighter, more lustrous glow on your linoleum, a longer-lasting glow... and it’s easier for you to get that bright finish, because 949 Glo-Coat spreads more uniformly and goes farther. Ask you dealer for the self-polishing floor wax Glo-Coat, the same familiar yellow container, with the bight red band. That’s 949 Glo-Coat, brighter than ever, better than any.

MUSIC:

Up and out Cue # ______

MOLLY:

Thank goodness, Doctor Gamble got his car back before they did anything to it, Dearie.

FIBBER:

Yeah, and just in time, too. You know the junk-man was of patient of Doc’s and his wife was expecting a baby any minute.

MOLLY:

Oh, really?

FIBBER:

Yeah. So when they located the Doc’s car, the junk-man jumped in it and delivered Doc right to the hospital himself, (chuckles) which was quite a switch.

MOLLY:

How do you mean a switch?

FIBBER:

Well, gee whiz, Kiddo, whoever heard of a patient delivering the doctor? Goodnight.

MOLLY:

Goodnight all.

MUSIC:

Closing theme - Up and Under Cue # ______

WILCOX:

The makers of Johnsons’ Wax and Johnson’s Self Polishing Glo Coat, Racine, Wisconsin, and Brantford, Canada bring you Fibber McGee and Molly each week at this time. Be sure to be with us again next Tuesday night, won’t you?

MUSIC:

Up and out Cue # _______

ANNCR:

If you own a piano, you certainly want to keep it in beautiful condition. Here’s a way to do it and do it fast. Polish your piano with Johnson’s Creme Wax, the amazing polish that cleans so quickly, dries so quickly, polishes so quickly, that using it is practically as easy as dusting. A couple of minutes ... that’s all the time it takes to do the job. Because Johnson’s Creme Wax not only cleans in a moment, it dries in a moment. And it polishes in a moment to a hard satin smooth finish with no sticky oil left to catch dust. Tomorrow ask for Johnson’s Creme Wax, the fastest wax polish you can buy.

MUSIC:

Closing Theme and applause... up and out -- Cue # _______

ANNCR2:

This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Co.

SFX:

NBC CHIMES Cue # ______