ACT I

SFX:

phone rings twice

Lum:

By Grannys, Abner, I believe that’s our ring.

Abner:

By doggies, Lum, I believe your right.

Lum:

I’ll see. (answers) Hello. Jot ‘Em Down Store. This is Lum and Abner.

Music:

Theme

Narrator (Very soft and dry):

And now, let’s see what’s going on down in Pine Ridge. Well, with the chemical laboratory report that Grandpap’s rubber mixture is completely worthless, the Edwards, Peabody, and Spears Synthetic Rubber Corporation is going out of existence. However, its ex-president, Lum Edwards is far from depressed, for he has just been officially appointed to the important position of co-chairman of the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff. As we look in on our little community today, we find the old fellows in their Jot ‘Em Down Store and Library. Lum’s answering the phone. Listen.

SFX:

phone rings twice

Lum:

I’ll get it Abner. It might be from Washington. (answers) Hello. Jot ‘Em Down Store and Library. Lum Ed’ARDS (Edwards)Edwards co-chairman of the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff talking. (pause) Huh? Oh, grocery. Just a second. I’ll re-fer you to our Mr. Peabody.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

Here, Abner, you take it. It’s a grocery order.

Abner:

Well, law me, you know how to take down grocery orders well as I do.

Lum:

I ain’t got time for such stuff as that. I’m a giver’ment man now.

Abner:

All you gotta do is just take a pencil---

Lum:

Don’t argue with me or I’ll re-port you to my new partner, Mr. Morganthal.

Abner:

Well, alright. But—Huh? Your new partner?!

Lum:

Just answer the phone.

Abner:

Well, you just wait a minute. Have you went in partnerships with somebody else ‘thout telling me about it, Lum?

Lum:

Abner, if you don’t take this re-ceiver I’m going to whop you right on top of the head with it.

Abner:

Well, alright. But if you went and got yourself another partner—

Lum:

Here.

Abner:

Hello? Yes, Mom. Uh-huh. No, Mom, them are just four points now. Alright.

Lum:

Tell her she can buy bonds without any coupons at all.

Abner:

No, Mom. No pertaters today. Might get some in next week. Eh, sack of flour? What size? Alright. There warn’t nothing else for you, now was they? Well, I’ll try to get it out today. I can’t promise nothing, though. Alright Miz Blevins. Good-bye.

SFX:

receiver hangs up

Abner:

Now Lum, who is this feller you’ve taken in partners here?

Lum: I ain’t taken nobody in—

Abner:

You said you was---

Lum:

I was talking about my job as head of the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff.

Abner:

Oh. Well I never knowd you had a partner in that.

Lum:

I never neither til I showed Dick Huddleston the letter I got. You see it says that I…well, wait, I’ll read it to you.

Abner:

Now, don’t read that thing again, Lum.

Lum:

Well, just this one sentence.

Abner:

You’ve read that thing out loud so many times I might nigh know it by heart now.

Lum:

Well, here’s all I wanted to read. “This is to o-fficially notify you that you have been appointed co-chairman of the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff.”

Abner:

Ah-ha!

Lum:

That co-chairman I’ve been ‘plying to is two fellers.

Abner: Two fellers?

Lum:

Yeah. Co- means two, sorta, Dick says.

Abner:

Well I didn’t…hm. Can the giver-ment do that?

Lum:

Do what?

Abner:

Make two fellers out of one thata way.

Lum:

Well they ain’t making two fellers out of one. I ain’t—I ain’t two fellers myself. No.

Abner:

Well I never thought so. I’ve only saw one of you running around here today, I know that. What name you gonna call him on?

Lum: Call who?

Abner:

This other feller. You can’t call botha yourselves Lum cause you’d never know which one your talking to.

Lum:

Oh, for goodness’ sake.

Abner:

How bout calling him Fred. That’s a good name. I love that name.

Lum:

I don’t need to call him nothing.

Abner:

Well you can’t just go around saying, “Hey, you!” all the time.

Lum:

Abner, I never said I was two fellers. I—

Abner:

You did too. I heared you.

Lum:

I never. I said co- means two. So that means that I’m just half of the co-chairman.

Abner:

Half a chairman?

Lum:

Yeah.

Abner:

By doggies, you look full size to me.

Lum:

Well, I am full size, but I---

Abner:

They ain’t gonna saw you in half, are they, Lum?

Lum:

‘Course not.

Abner:

Oh well, I hope not. I seen ‘em saw a woman in half at the circus once, but I always did think there was some trick to that, someways.

Lum:

For goodness sakes, Abner. Can’t you understand nothing? What they’ve done is ‘point two different fellers to run the Pine Ridge War Savings staff. Me and some other fella.

Abner:

Oh. And the other feller’s name is Fred, huh?

Lum:

No.

Abner:

Well who is this Fred you keep talking about?

Lum:

I never said nothing about Fred. You was the one that brung that up.

Abner:

Hunh.

Lum:

The feller I mentioned was Morganthal.

Abner:

Fred Morganthal?

Lum:

No.

Abner:

Don’t believe I know him.

Lum:

Henry Morganthal. The head of the giver-ment Treasury Department.

Abner:

Oh, sure. I’ve heard of him. ‘Course.

Lum:

Well, that’s who I figure they’ve teamed me up with for this job.

Abner:

They have?

Lum:

Well, the letter don’t come right out flat-footed and say that, but I got to studying on it. I’m might-nigh sure that’s who my co-partner is. Long as the letter come from the Treasury Department and all.

Abner:

Well, but Lum, I don’t believe they’d actual jine (join) you up with a big important feller like that, now.

Lum:

Well I don’t know why not! They got a awful high o-pinion of me.

Abner:

They have?

Lum:

Just listen to what they say about me in the letter.

Abner:

Now, Lum, I don’t want to hear that letter again.

**Abner talks over Lum saying:

I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear it….

Lum:

Here’s the part right here…”One of Pine Ridge’s outstanding citizens and a man with [ **Abner joins in here] the qualities and capabilities to—

Abner:

---direct the War Bond program in your community.”

Lum:

Wait a minute. How come you to know that so good?

Abner:

By doggies, I ort to. That’s all I’ve heared all day long’s you reading that letter to everybody comes in here.

Lum:

Well, anyway, that shows right there how much they think of me.

Abner: Un-huh.

Lum:

And if that other co-chairman ain’t Mr. Morganthal it’s somebody awful big and im-portant, I can tell you that right now.

Abner:

Un-huh.

Lum:

We ought to telegraph him and ask him who my partner is. Cause I want to get started on this thing.

Abner:

Get started?

Lum:

Yeah. I got a big job ahead of me.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

By grannies, I’m going to put on the biggest one war bond campaign this country, or any other country’s ever saw.

Abner:

Well, Lum. Maybe I could sorta help you get it started, some way.

Lum:

You?

Abner:

Yeah. That is, just til you find out who this other co-feller is.

Lum:

Well, that’s mighty thoughty of you to offer your help thata way, Abner, but I’m thinking you just ain’t the type for this kinda work.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

Well, you ain’t a man with qualities and capabilities. Like it said in my letter.

Abner:

I ain’t, huh?

Lum:

It takes more the executive type. Like, for instance, me and Mr. Morganthal.

Abner:

Oh. Well I just that there might be some little ol’ no ‘count job that I could do for you.

Lum:

Well, they might be. Later on.

Abner:

Later, huh.

Lum:

After I get everything organized.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

I can’t promise nothing, though. See, this giver-ment business is pretty complicated.

Abner:

It is, huh?

Lum:

Oh yeah. For you I’m ‘feared.

Abner:

I reckon I wouldn’t be much good at nothing like that.

Lum:

No. I reckon not. Feller might as well ad-mit them things to hisself.

Abner:

Yeah. Yeah.

Lum:

Least be honest with hisself.

Abner:

Yeah. Like to try to be. Fact is just looks like I aint much good for nothing, no way.

Lum:

Oh, I wouldn’t go so fer as to say that. Partly.

Abner:

Well, it’s the truth. I just ain’t no good a-tall. Just ignorant and no good for nothing.

Lum: Don’t take it thata way, Abner. You’re a nice feller.

Abner:

Well, I might be nice enough, Lum, but I’m ignorant.

Lum:

You just ain’t got no head for this sort of stuff.

Abner:

No. No head fer it a-tall. None a-tall.

Lum:

But you’re a good grocery-man.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

And you’re going to have to run the store here by yourself, practically.

Abner:

I will?

Lum:

Why shore. Well, me and my co-partner are going to have our hands full directing the war bond program.

Abner:

Doggies, Lum, just to be honest with you, I just don’t b’lieve I’m smart enough to run this store by myself.

Lum:

Yes, you are.

Abner:

No, I ain’t.

Lum:

You can do it.

Abner:

No, it’s too much of a risk to leave a feller like me in here.

Lum:

You’ve done it a thousand or a hundred times before.

Abner:

Well, maybe so, but I was younger then, I think. Lum, I get ignoranter the older I get.

Lum:

Fiddle faddle. You are just as young as you ever was. Now, pull yourself together, Abner. Tell you what I’ll do. I might give you a job.

Abner:

I couldn’t handle it.

Lum:

Wait til I tell you what it is.

Abner:

Well I couldn’t—I don’t care what it is.

Lum:

I’ll let you be the o-fficial feller that sweeps out my War Savings Staff office.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

Yeah. See I’m going to take over the whole library section there for my office.

Abner:

Well I ain’t got sense enough to use a broom, I can tell you that right now.

Lum:

Yes, you have.

Abner:

No, I ain’t.

Lum:

You’ve got plenty of sense to use a broom.

Abner:

No, I ain’t. I know I don’t know how to start. I couldn’t tell you how--

Lum:

I’ll have to get another desk some’eres for my co-chairman. Big ‘xecutives like him and me got to have separate desks to work at.

Abner:

Well, if you think I could do that sweeping out job alright--

Lum:

Well, sure you could. Just be careful’s all. Don’t forget, you’ll be working on giver-ment property, almost.

Abner:

I’ll be careful.

Lum:

And don’t get none of the stuff on our desks mixed up, neither. Specially on Mr. Morganthal’s desk. Or whoever it is they ‘p’int (pint) me.

Abner:

Oh, I won’t touch a thing on a desk. No, no.

Lum:

And always call us Mister.

Abner:

Mister.

Lum:

Don’t come in unless you’ve got app’int-ment and all that.

Abner:

I wouldn’t think of doing such a thing, uh, Mister.

SFX:

phone rings twice under next line, then twice again.

Lum:

Put the Ed’ards on there, too.

Abner:

Oh. Mr. Ed’ards.

Lum:

Yeah, that’s better. Wait a minute. That was our ring there. Better answer it, boy.
Abner: Huh.

Lum:

And if it ain’t for me, make it short.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

I don’t want the phone tied up.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

No telling when I might be getting a long distance call di-rect from Washington or something.

Abner:

Yes sir, Mr. Ed’ards, yes sir.

SFX:

phone receiver lifts

Abner:

Hello. Jot’Em Down Store and Library. Boy talking. Oh, no, this is me, ‘Liz-a-beth. A what? Well, reckon why they sent it to the house ‘stead of here at the store? Well, read it fast, cause Mr. Ed’ards don’t want me to use the phone too much.

Lum:

Yes. Tell her to hurry up, boy.

Abner:

What’s that, ‘Liz-a-beth? Hey, wait a minute. Read that part again. Well, fer the land sakes! Wait a minute. Don’t go on. I know the rest of it.

Lum:

Alright, that’s long enough. Hang up.

Abner:

Say, ‘Liz-a-beth? You want any groceries? Eh, well good. Just a minute. Here, Lum. Take this grocery order.

Lum:

Grocery order?

Abner:

Yeah.

Lum:

Well, that’s your depart-ment.

Abner:

I can’t bother with no such stuff as that, long as I’m a giver-ment man.

Lum:

A giver-ment man?

Abner:

Why shore. A letter just come for me over ‘t the place. Seems like they’ve app’inted me co-chairman of something…the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff, I b’lieve it is.

Lum:

Huh?

Abner:

Here, here. Take this phone, boy.

Music:

Theme out

Announcer:

We will be back for Act II of Lum and Abner after this word from our fine sponsor.

Lum and Abner

Business Meeting at Luke Spears Lunchroom

ACT II

Music:

Theme

Announcer:

Welcome back to Pine Ridge. Well, the activities of the Jot ‘Em Down Store have been shoved far in the background since the owners have been appointed as the co-chairmen of the Pine Ridge War Savings Staff. As you may remember, we find the two bond executives holding their first business luncheon at Luke Spears’ Restaurant. Let’s listen.

SFX:

dishes, luncheonette sounds

Lum:

Hurry up, Abner, and get done eating so that we can get the business meeting started.

Abner:

Well I’m hurrying just as fast as I can. Hey, Luke! Bring me a hunk of that coconut pie there.

Lum:

Abner, you don’t want no de-ssert.

Abner:

Yes, I do and that’s my fa-or-ite pie.

Lum:

Well, it don’t come with the businessman’s lunch, though.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

It’ll cost you extree.

Abner:

Oh, oh. Never mind, Luke. I believe I’m too full to eat it.

Lum:

Yeah. I believe I’ll go ahead and start the meeting. Eat as quiet as you can, Abner.

Abner:

I will, I will. Can I have the rest of your butter, there, Lum?

Lum:

Yeah. Go ahead.

Abner:

Oh. Here.

Lum:

The o-fficial business luncheon of the Pine Ridge War Saving Staff will now come to order.

Abner:

Hey, pass me the bread, Lum.

Lum:

Well, for goodness’ sakes I can’t do…here.

Abner:

Yeah. Thank you.

Lum:

As co-chairmen of the staff the purpose of this meeting is to organize our campaign to sell these war bonds to everybody in our community—

Abner:

Hidey, Charlie!

Lum:

Abner, don’t interrupt.

Abner:

Well, Charlie Redfield just now passed by the front of the restaurant, and I just---

Lum:

Well, I know it, but you can’t say hello to everybody that passes by the front of the restaurant.

Abner:

Nah.

Lum:

Not during a giver-ment meeting.

Abner:

‘Scuse me. Go ahead.

Lum:

Now, pay attention.

Abner. Yeah, yeah. Let me pour my coffee out in my saucer. Let it cool there now. (Blows on coffee.)

Lum:

For goodness sakes.

Abner:

Quiet now Lum. You jerked my elbow there.

Lum:

Don’t be blowing your coffee.

Abner: I want to cool it.

Lum:

Well fan it with your hat or something.

Abner:

Oh. Yeah. Spilled it all over myself. I wish you’d watch what you’re doing there. Yeah. Let’s see. Lordy, that’s good. Lum, why can’t we get on back to the store and have this meeting? It’s just me and you is all we gonna have.

Lum:

No, we gotta have our business luncheon. All campaigns always have to start out that way.

Abner:

Well, why do they?

Lum:

I don’t know for sure. All I know is there supposed to start out that away. Now hesh up.

Abner:

Alright. Just go ahead. I don’t care. Finish my meal here. Well, hidey, Cedric!

Cedric:

Hello, Mr. Edwards.

Abner:

Come on in.

Cedric:

Hi there, Mr. Lum. What are you fellas doing down here, eating?

Abner:

Yeah, we’re having our business lunch, Cedric. Giver-ment stuff here, and one thing and another.

Cedric:

Well, you’re just the fellers I wanted to see.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

Well we ain’t got time to see you right now, Cedric.

Abner:

We’re busy, Cedric. Go on over there and play the pinball machine. That’s –

Cedric:

What if I don’t want to play the pinball machine today?

Abner:

Yes, you do too, now. Play a couple of games anyway and maybe we’ll be through and you can talk to us.

Cedric:

Alright. I’ll just play two games, though.

Abner:

Alright.

Lum:

We don’t care how many games you play, just leave us alone.

Abner:

Well that’s the first time I ever seen Cedric when he warn’t falling all over hisself to get that idiotic pinball con-traption to working.

Lum:

Yeah. Well let’s forget about him for right now.

Abner:

Yeah.

Lum:

Fellow co-chairman the first thing we need to do is to get organized.

Abner:

Get organized?

Lum:

Well, what I mean by that is we got to elect the uh, the uh…officers.

Abner:

Officers?

Lum:

Yeah.

Abner:

Well we’re already officers, Lum. They appointed us co-chairmen.

Lum:

Yeah, but that ain’t gonna work out. We’re gotta have one fella that’s actually the head of this thing.

Abner:

One fella that’s the head of everything, huh?

Lum:

I figure we better elect one of us lieutenant co-chairman, maybe.

Abner:

Lieutenant co-chairman? Yeah. Well. Alright, if you think we orta do it, I reckon I’m fer it. You know more about this than I do, Lum.

Lum:

Good. Motion carried.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

Now we’ll vote by secret ballot.

Abner:

Secret ballot?

Lum:

Yeah. Well, we don’t want everybody to know how we voted.

Abner:

Oh. You gonna pass that little box around and have them drop in those white balls and black balls and—

Lum:

No, no. That’s lodge meetings you’re thinking of.

Abner:

Huh.

Lum:

No. Just tear a piece of your paper napkin there. We can use that for ballots.

Abner:

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s alright. Now, let’s see. You got a pencil? Oh, wait a minute. I got one right here. At old stub there. I can chew the end of it off where I can use it, I reckon.

Lum:

You know what to do now, don’t you?

Abner:

Well, I reckon I do. Write down who I’m voting for, what was it we’re voting for again?

Lum:

For lieutenant co-chairman.

Abner:

Yes, yes, vote for who I’m voting for for lieutenant, is that right?

Lum:

That’s right.

Abner:

Well, that can’t take long a’tall. Let’s see. Now there. Now, now, now. There’s my vote right there, Lum. You want me to fold it over, you say it’s secret?

Lum:

No, just hand it here.

Abner:

Huh? Well I don’t want you to see who I’m voting fer if it’s a secret vote now, and all.

Lum:

It don’t make no difference, Abner, there’s just two of us voting, and I know how I voted, so I’ll know anyway.

Abner:

Well, alright, but you ort to put them in a hat though, and draw them out of it, is what you ort to do and not see how folks vote.

Lum:

Well here. Hand it here.

Abner:

Alright.

Lum: Can’t you write your name without lolling your tongue out?

Abner:

Lum, you orten to look now at my vote, until it’s time.

Lum:

I ain’t looking at your writing, I’m just looking at the way you’re writing.

Abner:

Huh? Oh.

Lum:

That old stub pencil you carried for years.

Abner:

Well, I don’t see no sense in having this election no way. I know how it will come out. It’ll be a tie. It always does whenever you and me vote on something. It’s always one vote for each of us.

Lum:

Wait a minute.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

One vote for Abner Peabody.

Abner:

Huh.

Lum:

And one vote for Abner Peabody.

Abner:

See what I told you—Huh?!

Lum:

Looks like you got elected.

Abner:

Me?!

Lum:

Yeah. Two votes for you.

Abner:

Did I get two votes?!

Lum:

Yes. Congratulations, Mr. Peabody.

Abner:

Well, land sakes! By doggies, good for me! What’d you do, forget to your own name, Lum?

Lum:

I knowed what I was doing. Now we’ll vote for the chief co-chairman.

Abner:

Huh? Chief co-chairman?

Lum:

Yeah. He’s one step higher than the lieutenant co-chairman, of course.

Abner:

Now wait a minute here, Lum. I—

Lum:

Come on. Hurry up and---

Abner:

No, sir, now, you ought to have voted on him first. Now, that ain’t fair.

Lum:

Don’t forget now, no fellow can hold more than one office.

Abner: Just a minute, though, that let’s me out, Lum. All we can vote for now is you.

Lum:

Well, I reckon that makes it unanimous, then.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

Motion carried. Lum Ed’ards is hereby elected chief co-chairman.

Abner:

By doggies, there’s something ‘culiar going on around here. That ain’t fair, Lum. That ain’t—

Cedric:

You fellers done with your meeting here yet?

Abner:

No, Cedric, we ain’t done.

Cedric:

Well, I’d like to see you about some—

Abner:

You better go on back to the pinball machine. Don’t interrupt us now, Cedric.

Cedric:

Well, I done run out of nickels, though.

Abner:

Oh.

Lum:

Well, Luke’ll give you some change.

Abner:

Yeah. Sure. Get a lot of it so you can play a lot of games. Now listen, Lum. Let’s run over that election again. Let’s start it all over. I don’t think I was ready.

Lum: No, Abner. It’s all settled. You was elected lieutenant co-chairman and I was elected chief co-chairman. It’s all settled.

Abner: Tis?

Lum:

We’ve got too much work ahead of us to waste time on them little ole no ‘count details.

Abner:

Well, I still don’t see how it works.

Lum:

Abner, our job is to sell war bonds, not sit around and argue.

Abner:

Well, I know you’re right about that, Lum, but I still say it seems awful ‘culiar to me that you elect the little office first.

Lum:

Now then, gentlemen, our first job is to plan out our big selling campaign. See, when I say “gentlemen” I’m just talking to you.

Abner:

Oh. Well, that’s alright. I been called that before.

Lum:

I know but it sounds like I’m talking to a lot of people, but, you know, that’s the way you do it in meetings.

Abner:

Well, you couldn’t be. There ain’t nobody here but me and Luke, and he’s back there in the kitchen, Lum.

Lum: I know it.

Abner:

You want me to call Luke in?

Lum:

No, he ain’t in on our meeting.

Abner:

Oh, well. You can call me gentlemen. I don’t care. I won’t get mad.

Lum:

The chair is now open for sug-gestions on this.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum: I say our first job is to plan out a big selling campaign. Now we’re open for sug-gestions on it.

Abner:

We are, huh?

Lum:

Yeah. I got one myself.

Abner:

Oh, well good!

Lum:

Yeah. I’ve been studying about it. I think we oughta dee-vide the whole town up into six or a half-dozen sections and then ‘p’int one feller to be responsible for selling to folks in each section.

Abner:

Dee-vide the town up?

Lum:

Any questions so far?

Abner:

Well, uh, yeah. How come we didn’t vote on a chief—

Lum:

Wait a minute. I ain’t give you the floor yet. I ain’t said you could ask it.

Abner:

Can, can I ask a question now?

Lum:

Mr. Peabody, the chair recognizes the senator—no, that’s something else. Go ahead.

Abner: Well, you know me, Lum. I know you recognize me.

Lum:

Go ahead. If you’ve got a question, ask it.

Abner:

Well, I say, how come we didn’t vote on a chief co-chairman first instead of that lieutenant business?

Lum:

Abner, that’s beside the point. It’s unmaterial and unrelevant.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

Now I figure that by using my plan we can canvass the whole town in no time at all.

Abner:

Canvass the whole town?

Lum:

Yeah.

Abner:

Why, ‘lo me, Lum, we will never in this world be able to get that much canvas. Pine Ridge is a big place. It runs clean out there to Ed Beckley’s place.

Lum:

I don’t mean actual put a piece of canvas over the whole town, silly. I mean we’re just going to canvass each house.

Abner:

Oh, well, ‘course that’ll cut it down some. Cut out them vacant lots, anyway, but it’ll still take a heap to kiver ever house that away, Lum.

Lum:

For goodness’ sakes.

Abner:

Why are we putting these tents around houses for anyway? Do their roofs leak?

Lum:

No. ‘Course not.

Abner:

Well I didn’t think so. I knowed ours leaks but I never knowed everybody else’s did. ‘Course I don’t see what all this has got to do with war bonds anyway.

Lum:

Abner, we ain’t putting no tents over nothing. All I meant was that we’re going to go up to ever house in town and sell to people.

Abner:

Oh. Sell them what? Tents?

Lum:

No.

Abner:

Well, what are we going to do with all them tents?

Lum:

I’ll swan to goodness.

Abner:

Take them on a camping trip?

Lum:

No. ‘Course not.

Abner:

Well, we ort to at least take one along, Lum. You never can tell when it might rain, this time of year.

Lum:

Abner, we ain’t going on no camping trip or no where’s else.

Abner:

Well, by doggies, we’d better get a new chief co-chairman then. You ain’t been in office five minutes and already you’re wasting a lot of money buying a batch of tents we ain’t got no use fer.

Lum:

Abner, what I meant we’re going to go up to ever house in town and sell the folks war bonds.

Abner:

Well, now you’re talking! Now that’s a heap better than that tent idee. I’m fer that. Come on, let’s go. Let’s get started---

Lum:

Wait. Before we can do that we gotta plan out our sales technique.

Abner:

Huh?

Lum:

We gotta study up different sales talks and contests and de-vices and stunts and bazaars and clever idees and I don’t know what all.

Abner:

Do we have to do all that?

Lum: Why sure. You can’t just go out and start selling. This has to be organized first.

Abner:

Oh. Oh, oh.

Lum:

Now do have any sug-gestions on any of them other things?

Abner:

Well, let’s see, sug-gestions--

Cedric:

Hey, Mr. Lum?

Abner:

We ain’t through with our meeting yet, Cedric.

Lum:

Go on back to your pinball game.

Cedric:

Yes, Lum.

Abner:

What was that question again, Lum?

Lum:

I asked you if you had any sug-gestions for the sales campaign.

Abner:

Oh. I don’t believe I have. No, don’t believe I have. No.

Lum:

Well, I reckon we better take that up at the next business luncheon then. The meeting’s adjourned.

Abner:

Aye.

Lum:

Motion carried. Hey Luke. Bring us the check for the lunch.

Abner:

We’re all done now, Cedric. What was it you wanted?

Cedric:

Huh?

Abner:

I say, what was it you wanted to see us about?

Cedric: Well, it appears too late now.

Abner:

Too late?

Cedric:

Yes. I done used up too much of my money on the pinball machine so I reckon I can’t do it now.

Abner:

Can’t do what, Cedric?

Cedric:

I wanted to buy one of them war bonds from you fellers, but it’s too late.

Music:

theme