VERNE:

PALMOLIVE SOAP, your beauty hope - and LUSTRE CREAM SHAMPOO for soft, glamorous Dream Girl hair, bring you Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden.

(APPLAUSE)

 

MUSIC:

THEME HITS AND FADES UNDER:

ANNCR:

Our Miss Brooks teaches English at Madison High and though she's fond of her work and her pupils, these last few days have been rather hectic. In fact, she's even had to neglect her favorite faculty member - biology teacher Phillip Boynton.

BROOKS:

And when I have to neglect Mr. Boynton you can be sure things are hectic. Of course, like most scientific men he's rather preoccupied....but he doesn't spend all his time looking at frogs and white mice in his laboratory. No indeed....every Friday he goes to the zoo and looks at frogs and white mice. But in spite of his apparent absorption in scientific matters, I can't help feeling that deep down underneath there's a definite lack of interest in me. But I keep trying...take this past week for example....I had to get the mid-term examinations ready, but I wanted desperately to get my work done by Thursday afternoon so I could keep a date we had for that evening. But maybe I'd better start at the beginning.....Thursday morning, My Landlady, Mrs. Davis, woke me promptly at seven-thirty.

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

DAVIS:

(OFF) Oh Connie - it's seven-thirty....You've got to get up.

BROOKS:

(SLEEPILY) Come on in, Mrs. Davis...(YAWNS)

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

DAVIS:

Time to rise and shine, my dear.

BROOKS:

I may rise but you'll have to get your own shine...

DAVIS:

I got your note to wake you --what happened to your new alarm clock?

BROOKS:

Nothing happened to the clock, Mrs. Davis -- but the bell disappeared yesterday morning.

DAVIS:

The bell disappeared -- how?

BROOKS:

I threw it out the window... I'm glad you got me up on time, though -- maybe I can make up a few questions before my first class.

DAVIS:

I don't think you should do anything before you finish your work at school -- you've been going at this mid-term examination too hard, Connie -- I don't like to scare you but I'm worried about your health.

BROOKS:

It's sweet of you to take such an interest in me, Mrs. Davis, but work doesn't bother me - I'm healthy as a horse.

DAVIS:

Just the same over-work isn't good for anyone -- even a horse... You wouldn't want to get gray around the mane would you?

BROOKS:

Heaven forfend, Mrs. Davis -- but I figured I'll be all right if I keep my fetlocks shampooed regularly... Lustre-Cream Shampoo[ed] that is.

DAVIS:

You've got to build yourself up, Connie. Here, I've brought you some juice to drink...before breakfast. Taste it and tell me what you think it's made of...

BROOKS:

I should know better -- but here goes... (SIPS) (COUGHS A LITTLE) Stronger than usual.

DAVIS:

(EAGERLY) What's in it, Connie?

BROOKS:

(CONSIDERING) Well, I would say you took a raw potato -- one hardboiled egg -- some Ry-Krisp -- a cup of kidney beans and some spinach and threw them into the Mixmaster.

DAVIS:

You're slipping, dear -- you forgot the hominy grits...

BROOKS:

I think I'll skip the juice this morning, Mrs. Davis -- I've got to hurry, Walter Denton's picking me up in his car...

DAVIS:

Oh, is yours in the shop again?

BROOKS:

Definitely -- but the repair job this time won't cost me as much as the fine I had to pay -- twenty dollars for parking.

DAVIS:

Twenty dollars -- where in the world did you park?

BROOKS:

The lobby of the Stanley Hotel.

DAVIS:

But how did you ever get in there?

BROOKS:

Just like anybody else -- through the revolving door!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

MOTOR FADES OUT UNDER:

BROOKS:

I'm glad you picked me up early, Walter -- I've got some work to get done before my first class.

WALTER:

Oh that's all right, Miss Brooks. Glad to be of service. But did you say you've got work to do before your first class?

BROOKS:

Yes, Walter -- I'm preparing questions for your mid-term exams. It's rather difficult getting the right ones.

WALTER:

Well if I may make a suggestion -- why don't you forget about the difficult ones and think up simple ones -- that would make it easier on you, wouldn't it?

BROOKS:

Yes, but frankly, I question your motives, Walter.

WALTER:

Oh, I wasn't thinking of myself, Miss Brooks -- it's just that I've been looking at you while I'm driving here out of the corner of my eye, sort of and well ---

BROOKS:

Walter, look out for that truck ---

SOUND:

SQUEAL OF TIRES...

WALTER:

(CALLS) Sorry... Guess I looked out of the wrong corner - Anyway I've noticed that you've changed a little...

BROOKS:

Changed, Walter?

WALTER:

Yes -- I remember when you first got to Madison High, Miss Brooks -- You were so vibrant -- you were actually pulsating with life and energy, and -- gosh, you always seemed to be sort of shimmering...

BROOKS:

And that's not all - I come in six delicious flavors...

WALTER:

I'm not kidding Miss Brooks - you've got to watch your step... How long do you think the bloom of youth will cling to your cheeks?

BROOKS:

It's all according to how you put it on...

WALTER:

I hope you don't think I'm being too personal, Miss Brooks -- but as I look at you I can't help thinking of something.

BROOKS:

What's that, Walter?

WALTER:

Did you ever drive out in the country and come to an old deserted pasture?

BROOKS:

Well ---

WALTER:

And did you ever see at the end of the pasture, one lonely old horse, with sad brown eyes, staring over the fence-rail?

BROOKS:

I knew I should have shampooed those fetlocks.

WALTER:

Oh I'm not comparing you to a horse, Miss Brooks - -

BROOKS:

I know, I'm not fast enough.

WALTER:

It's just the look in the eye that the horse gets when he's all worn out -- as if to say, "I've done my work -- and now I'm old.. Just an old tired beat up lonely horse with nothing to show for my years of faithful service."

BROOKS:

It's his own fault - when he was young he probably made a Man's neck out of himself.... I appreciate your interest in me, Walter, but believe me I'm not ready for the glue-factory, yet.

WALTER:

I hope you're not offended, Miss Brooks--

BROOKS:

Of course I'm not, Walter.

WALTER:

You know how I feel about you --- Gosh -- I think you're a thorough-bred. I mean, I just don't want you to get run-down.

BROOKS:

I won't Walter, I'm used to hard work. I've been working since I was a young girl.

WALTER:

Really? I didn't think they let girls work way back in those days. That is -- what kind of work did you do then?

BROOKS:

I helped my mother mostly -- they had mothers in those days too.

WALTER:

What did you do for your mother?

BROOKS:

While father was out hunting dinner, I used to help clean up our cave.

SOUND:

SNEAK MOTOR BACK IN

WALTER:

You sound a little sore, Miss Brooks....

BROOKS:

Don't be silly, Walter...Why should I be sore?

WALTER:

Well, the way I word things sometimes -- it's a little unfortunate - like the stuff about the horse and all.

BROOKS:

[I know you meant it for my own good.] Forget it, Walter, I have...Well, here we are.

SOUND:

CAR PULLS UP TO STOP

WALTER:

I'll find a place to park, Miss Brooks...you go ahead.

BROOKS:

Thanks, Walter.... Oh before you go.

WALTER:

Yes, Miss Brooks?

BROOKS:

Got a piece of sugar?

MUSIC:

PLAY OFF

(APPLAUSE)

 

BOB:

"Our Miss Brooks" starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Verne Smith with an important announcement.

VERNE:

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BOB:

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VERNE:

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BOB:

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BOB:

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VERNE:

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WOMAN:

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VERNE:

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BOB:

Now, here's the jingle once more.

WOMAN:

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Is Something I would Like To Win
I'll get Palmolive Soap Today
De Dah De Dah De Dah De Dah

VERNE:

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BOB:

Get Palmolive Soap for a lovelier complexion....Remember, doctors prove Palmolive's beauty results!

MUSIC:

THEME FADES UNDER

HARRIET:

Daddy, you're the principal of this school and you've got to do something about it.

CONKLIN:

About what, Harriet?

HARRIET:

About what I've been talking about -- Miss Brooks over-working. I was talking to Walter Denton and he told me that Mrs. Davis told him that Miss Brooks is just killing herself.

CONKLIN:

But, Harriet --

HARRIET:

Now one way to scare a woman into doing something or not doing something for that matter, is to make her think she's losing her looks. And another way is to
get her interested in doing something other than the thing you want her to stop doing. It's as simple as that.

CONKLIN:

That isn't simple enough. What are you talking about, Harriet?

HARRIET:

Look, Daddy, we've got to try and get Miss Brooks interested in something outside of school-work. Now, I'll talk to Mr. Boynton, and as soon as I find Miss Brooks, I'll send her in here to talk to you. Agreed?

CONKLIN:

Absolutely not.

HARRIET:

Good. I knew you'd see it my way.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

BUZZER

BROOKS:

That's the end of the period[, boys and girls]... class dismissed.

CAST:

HUBBUB...FADES UNDER

HARRIET:

Miss Brooks, could I talk to you for a minute?

BROOKS:

(SLIGHTLY OFF) Certainly, Harriet...come on up to my desk.

SOUND:

FEW FOOTSTEPS

HARRIET:

Miss Brooks, as one woman to another, I'd like the privilege of being frank with you.

BROOKS:

Go ahead, Harriet.

HARRIET:

Well -- you're working too hard, Miss Brooks, and it's beginning to show.

BROOKS:

Where?

HARRIET:

Oh I don't mean you're falling apart physically or anything - it's just your attitude...since these mid-term exams have to be written, you're almost constantly pre-occupied...you don't seem to have your old sparkle, and crackle.

BROOKS:

Oh great - now I'm a bowl of cereal.

HARRIET:

I'm serious, Miss Brooks. I know conditions in school are pretty awful nowadays and - well, you've got a big load to pull.

BROOKS:

Here we go again. (CLUCKS) Giddyap, Miss Brooks.

HARRIET:

There's a look you get sometimes - like --

BROOKS:

Don't say it Harriet.

HARRIET:

I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the world, Miss Brooks. There's nothing really radically wrong with you - it's just that you're taking this exam too seriously. Why I noticed you yesterday in the cafeteria - with Mr. Boynton....you just seemed to nibble at your food.

BROOKS:

That's just to make Mr. Boynton feel at home - he's very fond of rabbits you know.

HARRIET:

You should forget about work when you're at lunch -- Today I want you to relax...sit down at that table and really tie the feed-bag on.

BROOKS:

I'll cut those fetlocks off that's what I'll do.

HARRIET:

By the way, Miss Brooks, Daddy would like to see you in his office.

BROOKS:

Mr. Conklin? What does he want to see me about, Harriet?

HARRIET:

I'm sure I don't know, Miss Brooks. Maybe as principal of this school he feels it's his duty to keep his teachers happy. Of course, you've got to know how to handle Daddy.

BROOKS:

What do you mean, Harriet?

HARRIET:

Be firm - [just take the bit in your teeth and] don't let him drive you too hard.

BROOKS:

[(WHINNIES LIKE A HORSE) Okay.]

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

CONKLIN:

Come in.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

CONKLIN:

Oh it's you, Miss Brooks. Have a chair.

BROOKS:

Thank you, Mr. Conklin.

CONKLIN:

I was just finishing this report from the school-board Miss Brooks -- will you excuse me for a moment?

BROOKS:

Certainly, sir.

CONKLIN:

(HUMS TO TUNE OF "OLD GRAY MARE.") Tah yum tum tum tah yum tummy tummy tum -- yum tummy tummy tum -- yum tummy tummy tum -- The Old Gray Mare She --

BROOKS:

[Oh, she is so.]

SOUND:

PHONE RINGS....RECEIVER UP

CONKLIN:

[Excuse me, Miss Brooks.] Hello?

MARTHA:

(FILTER) Hello? Is that you Osgood?

CONKLIN:

Yes, my dear. I'm glad you got my message to call me back -- I just wanted to remind you that this afternoon we're going you-know-where for tea.

MARTHA:

You mean to Mrs Davis's. I haven't seen Margaret in ever so long. Miss Brooks will be there too won't she?

CONKLIN:

Yes Martha -- that's the purpose of the little gathering. To help that party get her mind off -- that is - she's been working quite hard lately and she looks like -- that is, her face shows -- confound it, Martha, I can't talk now.

BROOKS:

Sure you can Mr. Conklin - just make believe I'm deaf, too.

CONKLIN:

I'll call you later, Martha... Good bye...

MARTHA:

Goodbye Osgood...oh just one thing.

CONKLIN:

Yes?

MARTHA:

If you see Miss Brooks don't say anything about our dropping in today - let's surprise her.

CONKLIN:

Yes, Martha... Goodbye.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

CONKLIN:

That was my wife -- she sends her regards, Miss Brooks...

BROOKS:

Thank you, Mr. Conklin..

CONKLIN:

No doubt you're wondering why I sent for you - well, I'll be brief....As you know, Miss Brooks, I was a Major in the last war...and...my outfit had one of the most enviable records in the Army? And do you know why we had such a record?

BROOKS:

Well I --

CONKLIN:

Morale...Miss Brooks, my group had the most consistently high morale of any unit in Camp Bobrick, Ohio. But what has all this to do with you, you ask -- and that I say, is a reasonable question....What has all this to do with you?

BROOKS:

I really don't know, Mr. Conklin.

CONKLIN:

Of course you don't. Now, take the time we ran out of ping-pong balls. It was nobody's fault....As Supply Officer in charge of the Post Exchange, I had discharged my duties faithfully but still there it was - no ping-pong balls.....there were murmurings from the men... muttering and discontent swept through the recreation hall... but I refused to be thrown into a panic...do you know what I did, Miss Brooks? I made those men use their heads....

BROOKS:

Weren't they a little big for ping-pong? I mean - how, Mr. Conklin?

CONKLIN:

By finding another hobby...And that's what I called you here to tell you Miss Brooks. You've got to find a hobby.

BROOKS:

But I have a hobby, Mr. Conklin....

CONKLIN:

What is it?

BROOKS:

Collecting a biology-teacher.....That is - Mr. Boynton and I go to the Zoo every Friday...

CONKLIN:

I'm afraid that isn't enough of a change for you, Miss Brooks. No, what you've got to do is learn how to relax....have a good time.

BROOKS:

But, Mr. Conklin...

CONKLIN:

(GETTING ANNOYED) Don't interrupt. I don't like to butt into your personal life, but I just can't afford to have any of my teachers moping around with a face as long as a ---as a --

BROOKS:

I'll flatten it out, Mr. Conklin...

CONKLIN:

You've got to concentrate on some outside interest Miss Brooks..(GRIMLY) fun...that's what you've got to have....fun and gaiety...you've just got to enjoy life more...be merry..(BARKS) laugh.

BROOKS:

Ha ha.

CONKLIN:

(DESPERATELY) I don't know just what sort of form your hobby should take -- but you've got to get one - you've got to Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

Please, Mr. Conklin -- remember your blood-pressure -- I'll get one - I'll have a ginger-peachy time -- you wait and see...

CONKLIN:

Good...(BREATHLESSLY) Good. That's all I want Miss Brooks -- for my teachers to be happy.. contented and happy.. and not nervous.. I don't want a school full of nervous wrecks do you hear me.. no nerves..no long faces... do we understand each other....do we? Hmm? Hah?

BROOKS:

Yes, yes Mr. Conklin... of course we understand each other.. But before I go, may I make a suggestion?

CONKLIN:

What is it?

BROOKS:

Did you ever think of getting a hobby?

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

CUTLERY FADES OUT UNDER:

CAST:

LIGHT HUBBUB FADES OUT ON CUE.

BOYNTON:

The cafeteria's pretty crowded today, Miss Brooks...I don't know how you managed to get this table.

BROOKS:

It wasn't hard, Mr. Boynton -- I just told the two students who were sitting here I'd flunk 'em if they didn't leave.

BOYNTON:

You wouldn't do that, Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

Not actually.. they were finished with their lunch anyway -- or almost finished.. they each wrapped a pork chop in their hanky...

BOYNTON:

I'll get our lunch Miss Brooks -- just tell me what you want.

BROOKS:

I'll go along, it's fun to shove the tray along the little railing... gives me a feeling of power.

BOYNTON:

No, I'd rather you sit here and take it easy... Harriet Conklin told me how hard you've been working Miss Brooks, and now that I see you I -- there's something in your eyes lately that --well, I can't be specific but they just seem to say ---

BROOKS:

All these years of faithful service and what have I got to show for it?

BOYNTON:

Exactly... I know you've got to get your exam questions set, but the race isn't always to the swift... You've been whipping yourself terribly.

BROOKS:

Fine. Now I'm my own jockey.

BOYNTON:

I just want you to know, Miss Brooks, that if there's anything troubling you, anything at all, I'd be happy to have you cry on my shoulder.

BROOKS:

I'd rather laugh up your sleeve - er, laugh on your shoulder. Look Mr. Boynton, it's nice of you to be so concerned, but there's nothing wrong with me.

BOYNTON:

You're right, Miss Brooks.. there isn't a thing wrong with you -- that a good hobby won't cure . . .

BROOKS:

Yes, I know. And I've just thought of a wonderful hobby.

BOYNTON:

What's that, Miss Brooks?

BROOKS:

It's called "Shortribs of Beef and Boiled Potato." Would you get me some?

BOYNTON:

Certainly, Miss Brooks..(FADING SLIGHTLY) You hold our places here and I'll be right back.

BROOKS:

Okay, Mr. Boynton....let's see now, where's that book of questions in English Lit...maybe I can get a little work done while I'm waiting.....

WALTER:

(FADING ON) Hy Miss Brooks...eat lunch yet?

BROOKS:

No, Walter, but Mr. Boynton's getting me some....

WALTER:

Oh, then I won't sit down....

BROOKS:

(PLEASANTLY) Good.

WALTER:

Have you seen Harriet Conklin?

BROOKS:

Not since this morning, Walter....She seems to have noticed my disintegration too.

WALTER:

Really?

BROOKS:

Yes Walter - come to think of it, mine has been the swiftest decline since the fall of the Roman Empire.

WALTER:

Tell me something, Miss Brooks - Did you ever collect stamps?

BROOKS:

No, Walter, I never did.

WALTER:

Then you're in for a treat....See you later with my album --we'll put in a few hundred new specimens I just got...

BROOKS:

A few hundred? Look, Walter I'm allergic to mucilage... if you do come over you'd better [stop at the delicatessen and] bring a spare tongue...

WALTER:

(FADING) So long, Miss Brooks....see you after school.

BROOKS:

(CALLS) But I've still got to get those quest --Oh, what's the use. I'll just have to lock myself in a room and ----

HARRIET:

(FADING ON) Hello, Miss Brooks, have a nice chat with Daddy?

BROOKS:

Yes, Harriet. A nice apoplectic tete a tete...your father told me to get a hobby.

HARRIET:

Have you hit on one yet?

BROOKS:

No, not yet.

HARRIET:

I'm glad....I've got one you'll just go mad for. Patternless cross-word puzzles...Ever do one?

BROOKS:

Not lately, Harriet.

HARRIET:

When did you do one last?

BROOKS:

Never.

HARRIET:

Oh, then you're in for a treat. ...I'll bring a big super-special one over this afternoon...See you then, Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

Goodbye Harriet - and goodbye to my date with Mr. Boynton tonight.

BOYNTON:

Someone mention my name?

BROOKS:

Oh hello Mr. Boynton.....Say, those short ribs look good.

BOYNTON:

Yes they do -- I hope you like to eat them the way I do--plenty of horse-radish.

BROOKS:

Don't mention it.

BOYNTON:

Well, let's begin...Here's your dish..and here's your knife and fork.

SOUND:

DISH BEING PUT DOWN AND THEN KNIFE AND FORK

BROOKS:

Thank you.

SOUND:

KNIFE AND FORK CLANGING TOGETHER LIKE DUELLING SWORDS 5 SECONDS

BROOKS:

That was good - what's for dessert?

BOYNTON:

(APPALLED) Miss Brooks! You didn't bolt your lunch down already?

BROOKS:

I'm afraid I did, Mr. Boynton -- I've got to get some work done before my afternoon classes.

BOYNTON:

This is terrible, Miss Brooks.....you're all keyed up....Look - do you play chess?

BROOKS:

Not if I can help it, Mr. Boynton.

BOYNTON:

Well I'm not very good. at it, but it's wonderful relaxation. I'd be happy to teach you if ---

BROOKS:

Some other time, Mr. Boynton...Now if you'll just hand me my check.

BOYNTON:

Oh that's all right, Miss Brooks. I'll pay your check for you.

BROOKS:

Thanks, Mr. Boynton.

BOYNTON:

You can give me the money later on.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

BROOKS:

(CALLS) I'm home, Mrs. Davis...Yoo hoo --- Mrs. Davis.

DAVIS:

(OFF) I'm in the living-room, Connie...come on in..

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS

BROOKS:

Well I didn't get much of my test prepared at school, Mrs. Davis, so I've got to ---

DAVIS:

That can wait....I've got the yarn right here, and two sets of extra-large needles. Just look at them!

BROOKS:

My seconds will call on you at dawn...What in the world are those foils for, Mrs. Davis?

DAVIS:

I'm going to teach you to knit...with this equipment it won't be any time at all before you have yourself a nice Afghan.

BROOKS:

I don't want a nice Afghan -- give me an American boy every time.

DAVIS:

Knitting is wonderful for the nerves Connie... Just sit right here and help me roll this skein into a ball.

BROOKS:

But Mrs. Davis ---

DAVIS:

I'd do it for you Connie.

BROOKS:

Oh all right - what do I do first?

DAVIS:

Just hold your hands about six inches apart. That's the girl...Now I'll start winding....Around, and around, and around ---

MUSIC:

TAKES UP SAME RHYTHM...PROGRESSING IN VOLUME INTO:

BROOKS:

(SCREAMS)

DAVIS:

Why Connie, what's the matter?

BROOKS:

Nothing, I just wanted to break the monotony.

DAVIS:

Tell the truth, Connie, isn't this fun?

BROOKS:

Yes, indeed. This is more fun than drawing a finger-nail over a slate..

DAVIS:

Now that we've got a ball, I'll show you how to cast on...

SOUND:

CAT MEOWS

DAVIS:

What did you say, dear? Oh, it's the cat...Go way Minerva we're busy.

CAT:

MEOWS

BROOKS:

Maybe she wants some milk.

DAVIS:

No, she just had her lunch...I made it for her myself.

BROOKS:

Maybe she wants some bicarbonate.

DAVIS:

Isn't it cute the way she puts her paw out and touches the yarn?

BROOKS:

Very...but after the work we did rolling it I'd rather she left it alone..Careful kitty.

CAT:

MEOWS TWICE

DAVIS:

Don't touch the ball Minerva...Be a good girl, now.

BROOKS:

Yes, Minerva be a good girl and I'll boost you up to the gold-fish bowl later..

DAVIS:

Now the first thing we do is catch the yarn onto one needle -- so.....then with the other needle we simply go like this ---

SOUND:

NEEDLES CLICKING

DAVIS:

And like this and like this --- and Presto - three stitches...Here -- you try it..

BROOKS:

All right...Like this ---

SOUND:

NEEDLES CLICKING

BROOKS:

and like this and like this and like this...and Presto -- four stitches....all in the same thumb!

DAVIS:

Now we'll just take it a little slower - we'll wind some more - where did that yarn go to? Minerva - where are you Minerva?

BROOKS:

Look, Mrs. Davis, if it's all the same to you, let's let Minerva knit for a while and I'll play with the ball..

DAVIS:

You're doing fine, Connie...

BROOKS:

Thanks Mrs. Davis but I really must get some work done, now. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to go into the dining room...I can spread my reference books out on the table there.

DAVIS:

Very well, Connie -- we'll do some more knitting when --- (TAKE) the dining-room...I knew there was something I forgot. You'd better get in there right away, Connie. You've got company.

BROOKS:

That's what I like - prompt messages...

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS...DOOR OPENS...

BROOKS:

Well hello!

BOYNTON:

I guess I beat you home, Miss Brooks...

BROOKS:

I guess you did, Mr. Boynton.

HARRIET:

So did I Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

Harriet..Did you two come over together?

HARRIET:

Yes we did...

BROOKS:

Oh.

WALTER:

I drove 'em.

BROOKS:

All this and Walter too..Well, now that we're all here, suppose we all keep nice and quiet while I do some work.

BOYNTON:

You can work later, Miss Brooks -- here, I've got the board all set up -- let me show you how to play chess.

WALTER:

Go ahead, Miss Brooks, I'll start sorting my stamps, and looking for prize specimens to show you..

HARRIET:

And I'll get a cross-word puzzle started so it won't be too difficult for you.

BROOKS:

But listen ---

BOYNTON:

The first row -- these little ones here - are pawns -- they move one or two spaces forward.

BROOKS:

I know the moves of the pieces Mr. Boynton, but honestly I don't --

BOYNTON:

Let's just play one game, Miss Brooks...I'll go first there. Now don't rush yourself...chess is a very patient, easy-going game...

WALTER:

Have you got a clean handkerchief Miss Brooks? I have to clean my magnifying glass.

BROOKS:

Here you are Walter..

HARRIET:

Miss Brooks..

BROOKS:

Yes, Harriet.

HARRIET:

What's a six letter word for "horse?"

BROOKS:

Have you tried B R O O K S?

HARRIET:

Oh I've got it - E Q U I N E...Now I just fill in this space with black pencil and number this square "two"... catch on?

BROOKS:

Yes, Harriet, but ---

WALTER:

Look at this Sesqui-centennial Dutch Guiana, Miss Brooks..You can tell by the cancellation it's legitimate...look through the glass.

BROOKS:

Very pretty, Walter.

BOYNTON:

It's your move, Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

What? Oh - the game...I'll just go here.

SOUND:

MOVING OF ONE CHESS PIECE

HARRIET:

Here's a funny coincidence Miss Brooks -- I need a six letter word for hobby.

BROOKS:

M U R D E R!

WALTER:

Boy, look at this one ---- I'll bet there aren't three like it in the whole country.

BROOKS:

Is that good?

SOUND:

DOOR BELL RINGS OFF...

DAVIS:

(OFF) I'll get it..

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS...DOOR OPENS....

MARTHA:

(OFF) Hello, Margaret...

DAVIS:

(OFF) Well, Martha Conklin -- and Osgood..

CONKLIN:

(OFF) Hello Margaret -- where's the hobby-room?

DAVIS:

(FADING) ON) Right in the dining-room, here, Osgood.. Come along, (SOUND: FOOTSTEPS) folks......here we are...

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS TO DINING ROOM

DAVIS:

Miss Brooks - guess who's here?

BROOKS:

Dr. Gallup looking for a new hobby..

DAVIS:

It's Mr. and Mrs. Conklin..

HARRIET:

Hello Mother -- Daddy.

WALTER:

(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Hy, folks.

CONKLIN:

Greetings all... (SIMULTANEOUSLY)

MARTHA:

(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Hello everybody..Well, let's not waste any time --- we'll get right down to our hobbies.... I've brought over a bag of toys to be fixed for Christmas.....I do this work every year...

CONKLIN:

And I help Mrs. Conklin with my portable carpentry set. May I set my vise up over here?

BROOKS:

Yes, Mr. Conklin -- of course...

MARTHA:

I'll just dump these toys out on the table if I may...

SOUND:

ASSORTED TOYS PLOP OUT ONTO TABLE

MARTHA:

There we are...

BOYNTON:

That's not a legal move, Miss Brooks.

BROOKS:

Well, I was just -- Oh, the chess-game...I'm sorry Mr. Boynton -- I'll take it back...I'll move my knight instead...there.

SOUND:

CHESS PIECE BEING MOVED.

CONKLIN:

This'll do you a world of good, Miss Brooks...Give her a broken toy to fix up, Martha -- Think you'd like to stuff a few dolls, Miss Brooks?

BROOKS:

I'd just love to stuff a few dolls Mr. Conklin.

MARTHA:

Here you are, my dear -- see where all this wadding is out of the leg? You just pack it back in place -- Have you got a knitting needle?

BROOKS:

No, but I have a piece of one in my thumb.

DAVIS:

Here, dear - here's your extra set.

BROOKS:

Thanks Mrs. Davis.....

WALTER:

Before you do that Miss Brooks, take this glass and look at this early Kameroon......

HARRIET:

What's a four letter word for "Purgatory?"

CONKLIN:

(SHOCKED) Harriet!

BROOKS:

That's got seven letters. Oh, you mean "Harriet."

BOYNTON:

The knight can only go one square forward[, two squares vertical.]

MARTHA:

Look at this cute little mechanical man.....He can walk and everything...I'll just wind him up.

SOUND:

WINDING...THEN WALKING ON TABLE.

CONKLIN:

Give me some of those pull-toys to plane down, Martha...

MARTHA:

Here you are dear...Are you having fun, Miss Brooks?

BROOKS:

Loads, Mrs. Conklin -- but would you call the little mechanical man back -- he's biting my knitting needles...

CONKLIN:

This electric drill's a beauty.....

SOUND:

DRILL BITING INTO WOOD....

HARRIET:

I think it was a wonderful idea, Daddy -- our having a hobby afternoon together...

DAVIS:

Oh so do I, Osgood...It's so entertaining....

WALTER:

Sure takes your mind off things....

BROOKS:

What do you mean the knight can only move one square forward?

CONKLIN:

I'd better saw some of this down...

SOUND:

SAWING OF WOOD.....

MARTHA:

Here's an awfully cute little wagon -- it'll be as good as new when we fix the bell....there...

SOUND:

LITTLE BELL TINKLES...

DAVIS:

Martha -- could you show me that new drop-stitch you mentioned last week on the phone?

MARTHA:

Oh that wasn't a drop-stitch, Margaret - that was a cable, I believe....

CONKLIN:

These loose nails'll never do.

SOUND:

HAMMERING....

MARTHA:

The motor seems to be broken on this one....

SOUND:

WHIRRING OF BROKEN MOTOR.

WALTER:

You can tell by the shape of the printing that this is a --

HARRIET:

Nine letter word for billy-goat...

MARTHA:

This horn is fine now --

SOUND:

BLOWING OF HORN:

CONKLIN:

A little more planing and drilling should do it --

SOUND:

PLANING OF WOOD AND DRILLING

MUSIC:

JOINS THE BEDLAM INSTRUMENTALLY INTO BRIDGE DENOTING TIME LAPSE.

CONKLIN:

Well that does it - the last toy is fixed.

MARTHA:

Yes, and the dolls are all stuffed and painted.

CONKLIN:

It's been a lovely afternoon, Mrs. Davis.

DAVIS:

Thank you, Osgood..it was nice to have you over...

CONKLIN:

The main thing of course, is that we were able to interest Miss Brooks in something that could ---Miss Brooks...Miss Brooks...She isn't here.

WALTER:

That's funny - where could she --

SOUND:

PHONE RINGS.

DAVIS:

I'll answer it...

SOUND:

FEW FOOTSTEPS...RECEIVER UP.

DAVIS:

Hello?

BROOKS:

(FILTER) Hello Mrs. Davis - this is Miss Brooks.

DAVIS:

Connie -- where in the world ---

BROOKS:

I've discovered a wonderful hobby, Mrs. Davis...

DAVIS:

What is it, Connie - where are you?

BROOKS:

Making up examination questions in the balcony of the Bijou!

MUSIC:

PARAMOUNT NEWS REEL MUSIC PLAY OFF.

(APPLAUSE)

 

BOB:

Eve Arden as Our Miss Brooks returns in just a moment, but first....

MUSIC:

(SECOND COMMERCIAL)

 

SINGER:

Dream Girl, Dream Girl
Beautiful Lustre-Creme Girl

VERNE:

Tonight -- show him how much lovelier your hair can look - after a Lustre-Creme shampoo. Only Lustre-Creme brings you Kay Daumit's magic-formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin...gives loveliness lather, even in hardest water - glamourizes your hair as you wash it, Lustre-Creme...not a soap...not a liquid...but a dainty creme shampoo - leaves hair fragrantly clean -- free of loose dandruff -- glistening with sheen - soft, manageable. Gives new beauty to all hair dos...or permanents. Four-ounce jar...one dollar. Smaller sizes...either tubes or jars. Tonight...try Lustre-Creme Shampoo...and be a

SINGER:

Dream Girl, Dream Girl
Beautiful Lustre-Creme Girl
You Owe Your Crowning Glory to
A Lustre-Creme Shampoo....

BOB:

And now once again here's "Our Miss Brooks."

BROOKS:

[Well, I didn't get many questions done, but I did see Rita Hayworth in "Loves of Carmen." I knew, of course, that with the examination questions still to be done, I'd have to cancel my date with Mr. Boynton, but that was almost inevitable from the beginning. When I finally reached home, I knew I'd have to buckle down. So I headed right for the dining room...

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS

BROOKS:

...opened the door...

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

BROOKS:

...and turned on the light.

SOUND:

LIGHT SWITCH

BOYNTON:

Of course, you can move the knight two horizontal--

BROOKS:

Why, Mr. Boynton! If I'd known you were still here, I'd never have turned the lights on.

MUSIC:

CURTAIN

(APPLAUSE)]

VERNE:

Next week, tune in to another "OUR MISS BROOKS" show, brought to you by PALMOLIVE SOAP, your beauty hope...and LUSTRE CREME SHAMPOO, for soft, glamorous Dream Girl Hair.

BOB:

"Our Miss Brooks" starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Berns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton was played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gale Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillian, Noreen Gammill.

MUSIC:

THEME

(FADE DOWN AND OUT FOR: HITCH HIKE)

 

GRAHAM:

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MUSIC:

THEME

BOB:

For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North...the exciting fun packed adventures of an amateur Park Avenue detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations. And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of "Our Miss Brooks". Bob Le Mond speaking. THIS IS CBS....THE COLUMBIA...BROADCASTING SYSTEM.