(SALLY IS SITTING ON HER PORCH, WHEN CECIL ARRIVES.)

 

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Hello, Cecil. I was wondering if you were coming over, this afternoon.

CECIL:

Hullo. What were you doing?

SALLY:

Sitting out here on the steps, waiting for you.

CECIL:

(YAWNING) Oh, golly, I'm tired. Gee, it's hot this afternoon.

SALLY:

Shall I make some lemonade?

CECIL:

Naw, it's too much trouble. D'you know what I've done?

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Sure. You've come over to see me.

CECIL:

I've made a decision.

SALLY:

Another? What is it THIS time?

CECIL:

I'm gonna be a man.

SALLY:

A man? Whattayou mean, Cecil?

CECIL:

Just that. I intend to be a man.

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) You will. You just have another year or so.

CECIL:

Aw, you don't understand.

SALLY:

Well, maybe I don't. Whattayou mean?

CECIL:

I'm gonna be a he-man.

SALLY:

Well, aren't ALL men he-men, Cecil? I've never heard of a HER-man.

CECIL:

(CHUCKLES) Sounded like a boy's name. Herman.

SALLY:

Well, aren't they?

CECIL:

Oh, I mean something different. I mean-- I-I mean, I'm gonna-- Oh, I don't wanna grow into an old lady.

SALLY:

(GIGGLE) Why, Cecil, how COULD you?

CECIL:

Well... it can be done. I've seen some old men that oughtta wear dresses.

SALLY:

Don't worry, Cecil. You'll be a he-man. I know. What were you going to do, go west and become a cowboy? (GIGGLE)

CECIL:

Well, I hadn't thought o' that. That might be a good idea.

SALLY:

What do you wanna be, Cecil?

CECIL:

A two-fisted he-man.

SALLY:

You mean, a bully.

CECIL:

I'm gonna be hard.

SALLY:

Goodness, Cecil, you're tough enough now.

CECIL:

Well-- Well, I'm gonna do something-- That is, I'm gonna learn something.

SALLY:

Are you going to take lessons through the mail?

CECIL:

Aw, don't be silly. Of course not.

SALLY:

Oh, you're going to start wearing suspenders.

CECIL:

No, I'm not gonna start wearing suspenders.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil, I know! Oh, goody, goody, goody!

CECIL:

You don't know.

SALLY:

Yes, I do. I'll bet you can't do it. I'll bet you can't. (GIGGLE) Oh, Cecil, you'll look so funny!

CECIL:

What are ya talking about?

SALLY:

About what you're going to do to be a-a he-man.

CECIL:

Aw, you don't know anything about it.

SALLY:

Do too. You're going to try and grow some whiskers, aren't you? Some whiskers under your nose. (GIGGLE) Isn't that it?

CECIL:

Oh, for cat's sake.

SALLY:

I knew that was it. I'll bet you don't have any luck. (GIGGLE) Betcha don't.

CECIL:

Aw, be yourself, Sally. I'm not going to raise a moustache.

SALLY:

Oh, aren't you?

CECIL:

Of course not. Why should I?

SALLY:

To see if you can.

CECIL:

Well, I could. Don't you worry about that.

SALLY:

Yes, but how long would it take you?

CECIL:

What do I want with a moustache?

SALLY:

Well, I don't know. (GIGGLE) They must be a lotta fun. You can train them, can't you?

CECIL:

(CHUCKLES) Well, you're WAY off the track. That isn't what I'm talking about. (CHUCKLES) You're not even warm.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil, I'll bet you would look so romantic in whiskers. (GIGGLE)

CECIL:

I don't wanna look romantic.

SALLY:

Cecil, let's get a pencil and draw some whiskers on your lip, to see how you WOULD look.

CECIL:

Aw, don't be silly, Sally.

SALLY:

Well, if that isn't what you're going to do, what is it?

CECIL:

I'll tell you in a minute.

SALLY:

When are you going to start practising?

CECIL:

This afternoon.

SALLY:

Can I help you?

CECIL:

For sure.

SALLY:

What made you decide to change, Cecil?

CECIL:

I was reading a story.

SALLY:

I'll bet it was about cowboys.

CECIL:

Well, it wasn't.

SALLY:

What WAS it about, then?

CECIL:

About aviators and bravery.

SALLY:

Cecil! You're going to study to fly! Oh, Cecil, how thrilling!

CECIL:

No, I'm not. I get dizzy when I get high.

SALLY:

Oh, I don't, Cecil. I never get dizzy.

CECIL:

(CHUCKLING) You're dizzy all the time. Don't flatter yourself.

SALLY:

Oh, I know what it is now.

CECIL:

You don't either.

SALLY:

You're going to try to get more sarcastic.

CECIL:

Aw, don't be a smarty, now.

SALLY:

Well, if you are, you don't have to improve. You're the best I know.

CECIL:

Very well, then. If that's the way you feel, I'll keep my secret.

SALLY:

Aw, Cecil, I-I was just fooling. Tell me.

CECIL:

Well, if I tell you, will you promise not to tell?

SALLY:

Ooh, don't you want anyone to know?

CECIL:

Well, not at first.

SALLY:

A-are you going to tell your aunt?

CECIL:

Oh, I should say not! Ooh, she'd have a fit! I know HER!

SALLY:

Well, will she find out later?

CECIL:

M-maybe. After I'm pretty good at it.

SALLY:

Oh, Cecil! I'm so curious! (GIGGLE) Does anyone else know besides me?

CECIL:

Just one other person.

SALLY:

Who, Cecil?

CECIL:

(BEAT) The janitor, down at the store.

SALLY:

Sam?

CECIL:

That's who.

SALLY:

How did HE find out?

CECIL:

I told him. That is, well, he suggested it first.

SALLY:

Oh. Well, what is it?

CECIL:

Oh, I laughed at him, at first. Then, I got to thinking, I oughtta try it out.

SALLY:

And I'm the only other person that knows.

CECIL:

Oh, you don't know yet.

SALLY:

Well, what is it, then?

CECIL:

Well. Here. Wait a minute. (DIGS FOR SOMETHING IN HIS POCKET)

SALLY:

What have you got in your pocket, Cecil?

CECIL:

Don't rush me. Wait. Oh, it's in my other pocket. (DIGS IN OTHER POCKET)

SALLY:

Goodness, if-- if it's a razor, Cecil, you ought not to carry a razor in your pocket.

CECIL:

I've got a little sense, thank you. (FINDS ITEM IN POCKET) All right. (LITTLE CHUCKLE, AS HE TAKES IT OUT) Here it is. Look. (SHOWS IT TO HER)

SALLY:

Well, what is it, Cecil?

CECIL:

Here, smell it.

SALLY:

(SNIFFS. RECOILS) Ick! Oh, Cecil, it smells like tobacco!

CECIL:

Sure. That's what it is. It's chewing tobacco.

SALLY:

Not chewing tobacco?

CECIL:

Yes, chewing tobacco.

SALLY:

Well, Cecil, what are you going to do with it?

CECIL:

Chew it. Learn how to chew it. And be a real, honest-to-goodness he-man that can chew tobacco.

SALLY:

Cecil Shortridge, if you-- if you-- Cecil, are you crazy?

CECIL:

Of course not!

SALLY:

Cecil, don't you dare! If you do-- Oh-- Oh, this is too horrible!

CECIL:

What'sa matter now?

SALLY:

I'll never speak to you again, if you do. I won't! I'll never see you again! Ooh, you'll look so awful.

CECIL:

Say, what'sa matter with you, Sally?

SALLY:

Cecil, hand me that awful stuff. Hand it to me!

CECIL:

What do you wanna do with it?

SALLY:

I'm going to throw it away.

CECIL:

Hey, don't do that, Sally! I paid a dime for that! Give it back to me!

SALLY:

Cecil, let go of it! Let go!

CECIL:

I will not! Now, that belongs to me! I'm gonna chew it!

SALLY:

(PETULANT) That's right, jerk it out of my hand.

CECIL:

Well, it's mine.

SALLY:

Cecil, if you do that, I'll go right in the house.

CECIL:

Well, all right. I was gonna sit out here on the porch, anyhow. Can't learn in a house.

SALLY:

Oh, I wish Uncle Thomas were home. I'd make HIM take it away from you.

CECIL:

Listen, if I'd known you were gonna act like this, I wouldn't have told you.

SALLY:

I'm glad you did. So, Sam suggested this to you. Oh, I could just kill him!

CECIL:

Yes, he did. He said it would put hair on my chest.

SALLY:

Cecil Shortridge! Oh, how horrid! Don't talk like that.

CECIL:

Aw, you're like all the rest. I might have known you'd raise a fuss.

SALLY:

Cecil, I mean it. I don't wanna ever speak to you again! If you learn how to chew that awful stuff, I WON'T!

CECIL:

Aw, what's wrong with learning how to chew tobacco? Tell me.

SALLY:

Everything. It's not nice. It's not polite. It's ugly. It's horrid! Only bums do it, and robbers, and janitors. I won't let you do it!

CECIL:

Huh! You can't stop me. Sally, suppose someone said to me sometime, "Here. Want some tobacco?" And then, when they found out I didn't know what to do with it, they'd say, "Well. He's not dry behind the ears." How would I feel?

SALLY:

Cecil, that won't mark you as a man among men. You don't have to learn how to chew tobacco.

CECIL:

Aw, pipe down, Sally. Here. You wanna see how it tastes?

SALLY:

I should say not! Cecil, people will see you.

CECIL:

Come on, let's both see how it tastes. Is it like chewing gum, except you can't stick it under the table?

SALLY:

Cecil, please give it to me. You'll ruin your teeth. Cecil, I'll telephone your aunt, and tell her what you're doing, if you don't throw it away!

CECIL:

Tattletale. Run along. She isn't home, anyhow.

SALLY:

Cecil. Oh, this is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of! It's nasty. It's-- Nice people don't do it! Don't you wanna be a gentleman?

CECIL:

I wanna be a two-fisted he-man, not a sissy! I'll hold my own.

SALLY:

And you think that learning how to chew that-- that horrible old plug of tobacco will make people look up to you? Oh, Cecil!

CECIL:

Aw, stop raisin' such a fuss! I'll go out and sit in Ben Hur and practise.

SALLY:

Cecil, now, wait. You can't do this. You can't, Cecil. No one will have anything to do with you if you do. It's too ugly!

CECIL:

Aw, real people will. If it were a crime, they wouldn't sell it, would they?

SALLY:

They sell poison too, but you don't have to take it.

CECIL:

Aw, gee. Here I thought I'd get some support from you. And all I get is a big foghorn cheer.

SALLY:

I'm disgusted with you.

CECIL:

And so am I, with you. Here I thought YOU would stand up for me.

SALLY:

Cecil. I just have one more word to say.

CECIL:

What is it?

SALLY:

Are you going to throw that-- that piece of leather away?

CECIL:

No.

SALLY:

You're not?

CECIL:

I am not.

SALLY:

What are you going to do with it?

CECIL:

Take a bite out of it.

SALLY:

You are???

CECIL:

Yes.

SALLY:

Really?

CECIL:

So help me.

SALLY:

Well, go ahead then! Go ahead! Disgrace yourself! I don't wanna ever see you or speak to you again! And you can't say I didn't warn you. I won't look at you, you-- you-- Don't speak to me!