MUSIC:

FANFARE

ANNOUNCER:

Another colorful radio drama for your entertainment, brought to you from the New York studios of the General Broadcasting Company by "The American Weekly," the magazine which is distributed with all Hearst Sunday newspapers from coast to coast.

SFX:

ROAR OF CROWD ... THEN IN BG

UMPIRE:

Play ball!

ANNOUNCER:

A few weeks ago, sports fans throughout the country sat or stood around the nearest loudspeaker and listened to the play-by-play description of the World Series between the New York Giants and the Washington Senators. But the interest displayed by the sports world generally in the Nineteen Thirty-Three baseball classic couldn't compare with the wild excitement that prevailed whenever the first women's professional baseball team made its appearance.

This famous women's team, billed as "The Nine Striking Beauties," scored many a hit, both on and off the diamond, and was a big box office feature wherever it played. The American Theater of Radio takes pleasure in presenting at this time a dramatic version of the experiences of the Nine Striking Beauties, based on a similar story in next Sunday's issue of "The American Weekly."

MUSIC:

TOWN BAND PLAYS SOMETHING BOISTEROUS, IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

It's nearly time for the exhibition game to start. The grandstands are packed with curious, eager, expectant fans. The town band -- resplendent in its flashing red and blue and gold uniforms -- is bravely rendering a number against the discouraging competition of the vast crowd.

While the home team is doing a little batting and fielding practice, the lady professional ball players -- dressed in their natty blue-and-white-striped uniforms, short skirts over their athletic bloomers -- are filtering through the grandstand selling scorecards of the game and pictures of themselves. We're right near two of them now. Listen--

MILLIE:

Your last chance before the game starts, boys! Get the official scorecard with all the names of the players!

1ST MAN:

Telephone numbers, too, cutie?

BIZ:

MEN IN CROWD LAUGH

MILLIE:

Buy one and see, wise guy.

FLO:

Autographed pictures of the team! Get a picture of your favorite!

2ND MAN:

And have the wife find it?!

BIZ:

MEN IN CROWD LAUGH

MILLIE:

How ya doin', Flo?

FLO:

(GOOD-NATURED) Not so good, Millie. All the guys in this town must be married.

MILLIE:

If they are, it only goes to show you can't account for some people's taste.

FLO:

Ain't it the truth?

3RD MAN:

Hey, you, with the uniform! Watch out you don't pull a bloomer this afternoon!

BIZ:

MEN IN CROWD LAUGH

FLO:

Pipe down, punk! This is a ball game, not a sideshow!

BIZ:

MEN & WOMEN IN CROWD LAUGH

MILLIE:

I guess we picked the wrong side of the field. Laura and Clare seem to be doin' well over at the band.

FLO:

Yeah, well, I'll work the band in the next town.

MILLIE:

(HEAVY INNUENDO) And the ball team, too?

FLO:

If I can find time.

MILLIE:

Bein' true to both is quite a feat, kid.

FLO:

Not for me, Millie.

BOY:

(CALLS, FROM OFF) Hey, girls! Come over here!

MILLIE:

Say, Flossie, look. I'd like one of those.

FLO:

Now, wait a minute. Don't go robbin' the cradle!

MILLIE:

Whatcha mean?

FLO:

Those two kids over there, yellin' at us. This is their big day. (CHUCKLES) Bet them's their first long pants. Why, ain't you ashamed, Mill?

MILLIE:

Oh, I didn't even see them. I'se lookin' at that swell hat that blonde dame's got on.

FLO:

[Chic is pronounced "CHIK."] Gee, it is chic, ain't it though? I like her sparklers better. Hey, I wonder how many years I'll have to sock the old pill before I can flash a handful of rocks like them?

MILLIE:

Quite some time, kid, if the rest of the circuit's like this town. But that big hat now-- Say, I wonder if I couldn't get me a feather somewhere.

HAWKINS:

(ANNOYED) Well, what have we here -- a coffee klatch or a ball game?

FLO:

(SURPRISED, APOLOGETIC) Oh, why - why, Mr. Hawkins, I didn't think--

HAWKINS:

Well, how many pictures did ya sell?

FLO:

Only four. They seem to have their pockets all pinned up.

HAWKINS:

Well, all right. Now, work your way down to the bench; it's almost time to start the game.

FLO:

Yes, Mr. Hawkins.

MILLIE:

Okay, Mr. Hawkins.

HAWKINS:

Now, I'll round up the other girls. (MOVING OFF) Better start warming up, Flo.

FLO:

Well, I guess I'm gonna start things today.

MILLIE:

Why today? Don't you usually?

FLO:

Feelin' pretty smart, aren't ya, Mill?

MILLIE:

Well, maybe it's the change in climate.

FLO:

Or the effects of that dinner last night.

MILLIE:

Say, wasn't that--? That certainly was some blow-out. Hawkins sure opened up the wallet. It made quite an impression on the natives, too. Look at the crowd.

FLO:

Ain't it the truth, dearie? Say, Millie -- some nice boys we're playin' today. Especially the captain. Now there's a man!

MILLIE:

Yeah, but you're not his type.

FLO:

Huh! I suppose you are.

MILLIE:

Right down his alley.

FLO:

Oh, yeah? Well, he didn't give ya much of a play last night at dinner.

MILLIE:

He's gonna regret that, too.

FLO:

I don't like the look in your eye, kid. Whatcha gonna do -- spike him?

MILLIE:

Sort of.

FLO:

What do you mean, "sort of"? Either ya spike a guy or ya don't.

MILLIE:

Flo, remember what we did to that big shot in Memphis last week?

FLO:

Do I! Huh! Say, we took him like Grant took Waterloo!

MILLIE:

Well, I've heard that history repeats itself.

FLO:

And you and me are the best little repeaters in history.

MILLIE:

You'll help me give him the works?

FLO:

With me in the pitcher's box and you at first-- Say, that bush leaguer's gonna see a brand of baseball like he's never seen before.

1ST MAN:

(CALLS, FROM OFF) Hey, cutie! How 'bout a little personal attention over here?!

BIZ:

MEN IN CROWD LAUGH

FLO:

Sorry, big boy! We gotta go!

MILLIE:

Say, I can't take my eyes off o' that hat, Flo. I've never seen such a beautiful long feather. If I didn't have my uniform on, I'd ask the dame to let me try it on.

FLO:

(MOVING OFF) Aw, never mind the hat. Come on, Mill!

MILLIE:

(MOVING OFF) But I've always wanted a hat like that!

MUSIC:

BAND UP, FOR A BRIEF TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG, OUT DURING FOLLOWING--

HAWKINS:

Well, I've got it all fixed up with the manager and I don't think we've got anything to worry about, girls. (TO FLO & MILLIE) Oh, there you are, you two; it's about time.

FLO:

We couldn't make it any faster, Mr. Hawkins.

MILLIE:

Sorry, Mr. Hawkins.

HAWKINS:

All right, all right; but don't let it happen again. When I issue orders, I expect them to be obeyed.

FLO:

Yes, sir.

HAWKINS:

You know, lots of managers would bench you. But Bill Hawkins ain't a hard guy to get along with -- if ya treat him right.

MILLIE:

Thanks, Mr. Hawkins.

HAWKINS:

Well, now, Flo, you start the game.

FLO:

Okay.

HAWKINS:

Babe, you catch.

BABE:

Yup.

HAWKINS:

Gert here tells me she's got a charley horse. Now, girls, this team's no tougher than some of the others we've played, and I've fixed it up so we'll be one run ahead at the end of the eighth inning. After that, everything will be on the level. Everybody all set?

BIZ:

WOMEN RESPOND AFFIRMATIVELY

SOUND:

PERIODIC THUMP! OF BALL IN GLOVE, AS FLO THROWS WARM-UP PITCHES DURING FOLLOWING EXCHANGE--

HAWKINS:

Oh, uh, how's your arm, Flo?

FLO:

Gettin' hot.

HAWKINS:

Good. Now, take it easy. And hold all your stuff for the ninth inning. Everything's fixed up to there.

FLO:

Okay, boss. I gotcha.

UMPIRE:

Well, are you all ready, Mr. Hawkins?

HAWKINS:

Yep. All ready.

UMPIRE:

What's your battery for today?

HAWKINS:

Florence Anderson, pitching. Babe Cox, catching.

UMPIRE:

(SLOWLY, WHILE WRITING) Florence Anderson, pitching. Babe Cox, catching. Right. (MOVING OFF) Well, good luck, girls.

BIZ:

WOMEN RESPOND ("Okay," "Thanks," ET CETERA)

HAWKINS:

All right, girls. Here we go.

SFX:

CROWD FILLS A PAUSE ... THEN SUBSIDES A LITTLE IN BG

UMPIRE:

Ladieeeeeees and gen'a-men! Batt'ries for today's game! For the home team! Lacour, pitching! Smith, catching! For the visitors! Miss Florence Anderson, pitching! Miss Babe Cox, catching! Play ball!

2ND MAN:

(CALLS, FROM CROWD) Come on, kiddies! Smash it right out o' the park! Atta girl, atta girl, atta girl!

SMITH:

(TO FLO) All right, sister, come on, let's see what ya got. Here it comes.

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN MITT

UMPIRE:

Striiiike one!

SMITH:

What's a matter, cutie? That pitch was right over the plate.

FLO:

I always let the first one go by.

SMITH:

Oh, yeah? Well, watch this one.

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN MITT

UMPIRE:

Balllll one!

SMITH:

Don't like 'em low, eh? Well, the next one's gonna be waist-high, right down the alley. Watch it. Here it comes.

SFX:

CRACK! OF BAT ON BALL ... CROWD CHEERS, THEN FADES OUT

ANNOUNCER:

And so the game got underway. The home boys played true to their bargain and, at the end of the eighth inning, the score stood six to five in favor of Nine Striking Beauties.

The crowd was wild with excitement and began laying bets, right and left, on the girls to win. And when the ninth inning began, their promise being fulfilled, the boys settled down to play serious baseball. They knew the town sports were placing money on the girls' team to win so they covered every bet to the last cent of their combined resources.

In the first half of the ninth, the big pitcher cut loose for the first time and, despite boos and catcalls from the grandstand, struck out the girls in order -- one, two, three! Now for the last half. The home boys are at bat, rarin' to go. Millie is still awaiting the opportunity to put the handsome captain of their opponents on the spot. And lest you forget, this is the spot where Flo stops lobbing up straightballs and begins to strut her stuff. Let's see what happens!

SFX:

BUZZ OF CROWD ... THEN IN BG

UMPIRE:

Batterrrrr up!

BABE:

Watch this one, big boy.

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN MITT

UMPIRE:

Striiiike one!

BABE:

How'd you like that, big boy?

BIG BOY:

Hey, where'd she get the curve? [Pronounced "KOYV."]

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN MITT

UMPIRE:

Striiiike two!

BABE:

Watch this one, bozo. Hit it!

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN MITT

UMPIRE:

Striiiike three! You're out!

SFX:

CROWD FILLS BRIEF PAUSE

BABE:

Well, hello, Shorty. What do you think you're gonna do?

SHORTY:

Plenty, sister, plenty!

SFX:

CRACK! OF BAT ON BALL ... CROWD BOOS AS SHORTY RUNS TO FIRST BASE

2ND UMP:

Safe -- at first!

CAPTAIN:

(TO BABE) Well, here goes your ball game, gorgeous.

BABE:

Well, if it ain't the handsome captain.

CAPTAIN:

Say, I understand old Slats out there suddenly developed a curve.

BABE:

You'd be surprised.

CAPTAIN:

Well, come on, come on; let's get it over.

SFX:

CRACK! OF BAT ON BALL ... CAPTAIN TO FIRST, SHORTY RUNS TO THIRD BASE

CAPTAIN:

(OUT OF BREATH) Hello, beautiful. How's every little thing out here at first base?

MILLIE:

Hello, handsome. What do ya got on for tonight?

CAPTAIN:

Hey, listen, kid -- don't you try to play me for a sucker.

MILLIE:

Oh. So it's like that, hey? (CALLS) Hey, Flo! Wait up a minute!

SFX:

PAUSE AS MILLIE RUNS TO THE MOUND

FLO:

What's the matter, Mill? Did he get fresh?

MILLIE:

Yes and no.

FLO:

Whatcha mean?

MILLIE:

Listen, Flo, we've got him right where we want him.

FLO:

Whatcha mean? With him on first and Shorty on third and only one out?

MILLIE:

I know, I know. But, listen, do you remember the signal?

FLO:

Remember it? I thought it up!

MILLIE:

Okay, keep your ears pinned back for "Come on, Xanthippe!" [Pronounced "ZAN'-TIP-ee."]

FLO:

I'll back you up like the Marines.

MILLIE:

Okay, let's go.

SFX:

PAUSE AS MILLIE RUNS BACK TO FIRST

CAPTAIN:

Well, gorgeous, didja you have a nice time?

MILLIE:

You'd be surprised. Say, handsome, you sure can play ball.

CAPTAIN:

You just findin' that out? Why do you suppose they elected me captain?

MILLIE:

Because you're so good-lookin'.

CAPTAIN:

Well, heh, maybe - maybe that did have somethin' to do with it.

UMPIRE:

(OFF) Ball one!

MILLIE:

Why don't you take a lead off first, handsome?

CAPTAIN:

Why should I? I'm in no hurry. There's only one down and your little pal out there's gonna walk this one.

UMPIRE:

(OFF) Ball two!

CAPTAIN:

What'd I tell ya?

MILLIE:

Gee, you're smart as well as good-lookin'.

SFX:

FROM OFF -- CRACK! OF BAT ON BALL

CAPTAIN:

There it goes! (MOVING OFF) So long, gorgeous, so long!

UMPIRE:

[(OFF) Foul ball! Out!]

SFX:

PAUSE AS FOUL BALL IS CAUGHT AND CAPTAIN RUNS BACK TO FIRST

MILLIE:

Well, if it isn't the boyfriend -- back at first and all tired out. Doesn't the handsome captain know he mustn't run on foul balls, especially when they're caught? That's two out, kid.

CAPTAIN:

I know. Pretty lucky. But the tyin' run's on third and here comes Biddoe up now. He's good for a hit any time. Here, watch me steal second and come in on his hit now.

MILLIE:

Hey, look out! Ya spiked me!

CAPTAIN:

Where? I did not!

UMPIRE:

(OFF) Ball one!

CAPTAIN:

Say, listen, sister. I told ya, don't play me for a sucker.

MILLIE:

(CALLS) Hey, Flo! Take your time! Lots of time! We got all afternoon! (LOW, TO CAPTAIN) Say, listen, handsome, I give up; you win. Get goin'. The little redhead at second thinks you're God's gift to women. Why, she wouldn't tag you if you walked in.

CAPTAIN:

Yeah? (BEAT) Hey. Hey, she ain't so bad at that -- from here. What's her name?

MILLIE:

Sally. Just bad enough, handsome.

CAPTAIN:

Well, I think I'll look her over when I get out there.

MILLIE:

(CALLS) Come on, Xanthippe!

SFX:

THUMP! OF BALL IN GLOVE

2ND UMP:

Out -- at first!

MILLIE:

You're out, handsome, and out of luck.

CAPTAIN:

(DISBELIEF) Well, I'll be--

MILLIE:

And that's the game! (MOVING OFF) Come on, Flo! Let's take a shower!

SFX:

ROAR OF CROWD FILLS PAUSE ... THEN CROSSFADES WITH BUZZ OF MEN OUTSIDE LOCKER ROOM

HAWKINS:

Hey, hey, hey, hey, you guys! Come on, get away from that door! The girls are dressing in there! You can't go in.

SFX:

BUZZ OF MEN ... OUT BEHIND--

WOMAN:

(VERY CLASSY) Are you the manager?

HAWKINS:

Yeah.

WOMAN:

May we go into the dressing room and congratulate the dear girls on their victory? We have some bouquets for them.

HAWKINS:

Hm? Oh, why, sure, sure. I guess you ladies can go in all right.

WOMAN:

Oh, thank you! (MOVING OFF) Come this way, girls!

SFX:

LOCAL WOMEN FILE INTO LOCKER ROOM

UMPIRE:

Well, Hawkins, ya got a great team!

HAWKINS:

Well, they're not so bad at that. I never expected them to win the fool game. All I wanted was to give the customers something novel.

UMPIRE:

Do you have much trouble handling them?

HAWKINS:

Nooo. I have more trouble with their admirers.

UMPIRE:

(CHUCKLES)

HAWKINS:

All the boys want to marry them. (CHUCKLES)

UMPIRE:

(CHUCKLES) You don't say!

HAWKINS:

(CHUCKLES)

BIZ:

FIGHT BREAKS OUT IN LOCKER ROOM BETWEEN PLAYERS AND LOCAL WOMEN ... MUCH SLAPPING & HOLLERING ("Say!" "Get out!" "Clear out!" "What do you want?") ... CONTINUES IN BG

MILLIE:

(OVERLAPS WITH ABOVE) Say! Get out of here! What's the big idea anyhow?

HAWKINS:

Well, what the devil?

UMPIRE:

Say, it sounds as though your girls were celebrating a little early.

BIZ:

CATFIGHT CONTINUES ... FILLS A PAUSE

HAWKINS:

Say, that's no celebration. I wonder-- Say, come on with me, quick! Before they break up the dressing room! Come on, come on!

SFX:

LOCKER ROOM DOOR OPENS

BIZ:

FIGHT GROWS LOUDER AS HAWKINS WADES INTO THE MOB OF BRAWLING WOMEN

HAWKINS:

Here! What's going on?! What's going on here?! Here! Stop this! Stop this, I say! Here, umpire! Here, get some of these dames, will ya? Separate 'em!

UMPIRE:

Come on now, girls, please!

BIZ:

FIGHT GROWS QUIETER ... THEN OUT WITH--

SFX:

LOCKER ROOM DOOR SLAMS SHUT

HAWKINS:

Say! Who were these dames? Do you know them, Flo?

FLO:

Aw, they were the wives of the local team!

HAWKINS:

Wha--? And I thought they was a women's club! They said they wanted to present some bouquets.

UMPIRE:

Yeah, from the looks of the girls, I'd say they had. But they didn't say it with flowers.

HAWKINS:

Well, what a scrap; what a scrap! Say, what do you got there, Millie?

MILLIE:

A trophy of the battle.

HAWKINS:

(AMUSED) Yeah? Well, to the victor belongs the spoils.

UMPIRE:

That's right!

HAWKINS:

Well, I guess we can't do any more good around here. Come on, ump. (MOVING OFF) I know where we can get some good beer.

UMPIRE:

(MOVING OFF) Yeah, I'm with ya, Hawkins.

SFX:

LOCKER ROOM DOOR SHUTS

MILLIE:

(CALLS MELODICALLY) Flo-o-o!

FLO:

(OFF, UNINTERESTED) What d'ya want?

MILLIE:

Come here!

FLO:

What for?

MILLIE:

I want to show you what I've got here.

FLO:

I'm busy lookin' at this eye o' mine.

MILLIE:

But I want your opinion on something.

FLO:

(CLOSER, ANNOYED) Oh, what is it? (GASPS) Well, for Pete's sake!

MILLIE:

(COY) Flo, do you think this hat looks as well on me as it did on that blonde dame?

MUSIC:

LIVELY MARCH FOR PUNCTUATION ... THEN IN BG, TILL END

ANNOUNCER:

Read this interesting and amusing story about America's first women's professional baseball team, as told by its manager, in next Sunday's issue of "The American Weekly," the magazine which is distributed with all Hearst Sunday newspapers from coast to coast.