ANNOUNCER:

OPENING AND COMMERCIAL CREDITS

INTRODUCTION:

- Well sir, it's a few minutes past eleven o'clock at night as our scene opens now, and here in the living-room of the small house half-way up in the next block we find Mr. Victor Gook all by himself. Mr. Gook is established at the library table occupied with a sheaf of important looking documents, and we surmise that he's belatedly doing a piece of work he brought home from the office. At this moment, however, he glances up - startled and alert - because he's aware of sounds in the kitchen.

VIC:

(CALLS) Yes? (AFTER A PAUSE, APPREHENSIVELY) Yes? (HE'S DISTURBED AND CALLS LOUDLY) Hey!

FLETCHER:

(OFF, AFTER A BRIEF MOMENT) That you, Vic?

VIC:

(RELIEVED) Oh, -- hello.

FLETCHER:

(APPROACHING) I tripped over something in the back yard an' almost fell down. Baseball bat it felt like. Likely Rush left his baseball bat out......

VIC:

(CHUCKLING RELIEVEDLY) You give me start there, Uncle Fletcher.

FLETCHER:

(APPROACHING) ..... there in the yard and forgot to bring it in. Liable to get stolen. I put it up on the half-wit porch.

VIC:

(CHUCKLING RELIEVEDLY) You give me something of a start there, Uncle Fletcher.

FLETCHER:

(UP) Fine.

VIC:

(CHUCKLES) I thought it was burglars. My hair was beginning to stand on end.

FLETCHER:

(CHUCKLES) Yes.

VIC:

(CHUCKLES) Hollar and give me warning the next time you drop around this close to midnight.

FLETCHER:

(STOUTLY) Oh, no doubt about it. Reason I stopped by, Vic, I saw your lights were burning so I know you people were still up.

VIC:

I'm the only one that is up. Sade and Rush hit the hay an hour ago.

FLETCHER:

(AGREEABLY) Yes, I know.

VIC:

(DRYLY) Ya do, huh?

FLETCHER:

(IMPORTANTLY) I'm on my way down to the Bright Kentucky Hotel.

VIC:

Oh?

FLETCHER:

(IMPORTANTLY) Gonna engage a room there for the night.

VIC:

What's the idea?

FLETCHER:

Yes. No, I wouldn't of stopped in if your lights hadn't been burning. But I figured as long as you people were still up I might....

RUSH:

(UPSTAIRS) You hollar, gov?

FLETCHER:

...as well look in a minute an' say hello. What ya doing there, - working?

VIC:

Yeah, - some Invoices I hafta clean up.

RUSH:

(UPSTAIRS) You holler, gov?

VIC:

(CALLS) No. Go on back to bed.

RUSH:

(UPSTAIRS) Who you talking to down there?

FLETCHER:

(CALLS) Evening, Sadie.

RUSH:

(UPSTAIRS, PLEASED) Hello, Uncle Fletcher.

FLETCHER:

(TO VIC, REGRETFULLY) I wake her up?

VIC:

That's Rush.

FLETCHER:

Fine. (REGRETFULLY) I shouldn't of yelled from out there in the kitchen. I should of tip-toed in here.

VIC:

(DRYLY) If ya had I'd of fainted.

FLETCHER:

(CALLS) Go on back to bed, Sadie. I'm leaving in just a minute. (TO VIC, RUEFULLY) Doggone me for wakin' her up.

VIC:

That's Rush.

FLETCHER:

Yes, that's what I say. (LITTLE CHUCKLE) By George, I better sneak on out before I disturb anybody else.

VIC:

Stick around. You say you're spending the night at the Bright Kentucky Hotel?

FLETCHER:

(IMPORTANTLY) I believe I'll engage lodgings there, yes. Tell ya what happened, Vic. My landlady Mis' Keller had visitors from Dixon drop in unexpected this evening. Prob'ly you remember Mis' Gillfop and her married daughter Fern. They're on their way home......

VIC:

(DRYLY) Well, - what midnight prowler is this?

RUSH:

(COMING UP) What's going on?

VIC:

Nothing that need rob you of your rest. Uncle Fletcher just looked in for a second and...

FLETCHER:

(CORDIALLY) Evening, Rush.

RUSH:

Evening. How are you?

FLETCHER:

First-rate, thanks. I woke you up too, did I?

RUSH:

(CHUCKLES) Gov woke me up. I heard him hooerin'.

FLETCHER:

Fine. No, like I was telling your papa here I noticed your living-room lights was burning and I figured as long.....

SADE:

(UPSTAIRS) Hey, down there.

VIC:

(TO RUSH) Oh-oh.

FLETCHER:

(WHO HASN'T STOPED TALKING).....as you scalawags was still up, I'd stick my head in the door long enough to say hello. Never popped in my lame-brain noodle some of ya might be up and the rest in bed.

SADE:

(UPSTAIRS) Is that Uncle Fletcher talking?

VIC AND RUSH:

(CALL) Yeah.

SADE:

(UPSTAIRS) Anything the matter?

VIC AND RUSH:

(CALL) No.

FLETCHER:

(TO VIC) Sadie?

VIC:

Yeah.

FLETCHER:

(CALLS CORDIALLY) Evening, Sadie.

SADE:

(UPSTAIRS) Hello, Uncle Fletcher.

FLETCHER:

(CALLS) Glorious evening.

SADE:

(UPSTAIRS) What time is it, Vic?

FLETCHER:

(CALLS) Yes. (TO VIC) She'd ought to bawl me out for bustin' in here in the middle of the night an' wakin' her up.

VIC:

(NOT VERY CONVINCINGLY) Oh, that's O.K.

FLETCHER:

Sleepy, are ya, Rush?

RUSH:

Nope, - wide-awake as a horse.

FLETCHER:

(SYMPATHETICALLY) Stretch out there on the davenport then. I won't mind.

RUSH:

I'm not sleepy.

FLETCHER:

(AGREEING) Uh-huh, - havin' trouble keepin' your eyes open. (LITTLE CHUCKLE) Well, that's the boy of it.

RUSH:

(CHUCKLES) Um.

FLETCHER:

(BACK TO THE OTHER) Yes, Vic.

VIC:

Yes what, Uncle Fletcher?

FLETCHER:

My landlady, Mis' Keller had guests drop in unexpected this evening - Mis' Gillfop and her married daughter Fern. They been visiting in Aroola Illinois and stopped past to.....

SADE:

(COMING UP) For goodness sakes, what time is it?

VIC:

(DRYLY) Everybody decided to get up and mill around, huh?

FLETCHER:

(WHO HASN'T STOPPED TALKING) ...shake hands with Mis' Keller and then push on to La Salle, but I volunteered to give 'em my room if they'd stay over till tomorrow an' they finally decided to snap up my offer so I packed my valise here an' headed for the Bright Kentucky...(SEES HIS NIECE)....why, Sadie.

SADE:

(GIGGLES A LITTLE) Hello there.

FLETCHER:

I bet if I had a shot-gun you'd shoot me, huh?

SADE:

(IGNORES THIS) I heard you holler, Vic, and then Rush holler from the head of the stairs an' then voices buzzing and....

RUSH:

I spoke to you, mom, but you were too much asleep to answer.

SADE:

(NOTICING HER SON FOR THE FIRST TIME, SAYS DISAPPROVINGLY..) You down here too?

RUSH:

Sure.

VIC:

(DISAPPROVAL) Everybody's down here but the kitchen sink.

SADE:

What time is it?

RUSH:

Gettin' on for eleven-thirty.

SADE:

My goodness. Is anything wrong, Uncle Fletcher?

FLETCHER:

(AGREEABLY) Yes.

SADE:

(QUICKLY) What's the matter?

VIC AND RUSH:

Guests dropped in on his landlady unexpected and...(AB LIB)

SADE:

(AFTER A MOMENT, SHARPLY) Oh, let Uncle Fletcher tell it.

VIC AND RUSH:

(THEY SAY, "SUITS ME," AND "FINE," RESPECTIVELY.

SADE:

What's wrong, Uncle Fletcher?

FLETCHER:

(IRRITABLY) There's nothing wrong.

SADE:

(IGNORES THIS) Go ahead, Uncle Fletcher.

FLETCHER:

You remember Mis' Gillfop there in Dixon and her married daughter Fern, don't ya?

SADE:

No-o.

FLETCHER:

Mis' Gillfop was the Dixon girl that had the brother to fall off'n a five-storey building an' still live there years ago.

SADE:

(LOW QUICK TONES, TO VIC) This got anything to do with why he walks in at midnight?

VIC:

No.

RUSH:

Yes, it has, gov.

FLETCHER:

Brother's name was Britcher. Ying-yang Britcher they called [him.] He recovered from fallin' off'n that building, moved to Fresno Colorado, married a woman within three days of bein' twenty-two years old, went into the Dead or Alive Horse and Mule business, and later died. Likely you remember Ying-yang Britcher, Sadie.

SADE:

(IGNORES THIS) What you doing with your valise, Uncle Fletcher?

RUSH:

He's going to the Bright Kentucky Hotel.

FLETCHER:

You're a good boy, Rush.

SADE:

What's he going to the Bright Kentucky Hotel for?

RUSH:

Spend the night.

FLETCHER:

Thats' right. Just tellin' Vic here, Sadie. My landlady Mis' Keller had Mis' Gillfop and her married daughter Fern to drop in unexpected.

SADE:

(BEGINNING TO PIECE TOGETHER THE PUZZLE) Oh, I see. An' you're lettin' 'em have your bedroom tonight?

FLETCHER:

(MODESTLY) I urged 'em to use it. Two ladies that way, ya know. They got no business travellin' around so late.

SADE:

(A SUDDEN RESOLVE) Well, one thing: you're not going to any Bright Kentucky Hotel. You're going to stay here.

FLETCHER:

(AGREEABLY) Yes, - that's what I was sayin' to Vic. "Vic," I says, I happened to notice your lights was burning an' it never popped in my noodle all you people wasn't up. So I stuck my head in to say hello an' by George if I didn't go to work an' wake you an' Rush both up. (HUMOROUSLY) I'll get a shot-gun; I'll let ya shoot me.

SADE:

(TO VIC, FIRMLY) He's certainly not going to any Bright Kentucky Hotel tonight.

VIC:

(SHOULDER SHRUG) Um.

SADE:

[(PINNING HIM DOWN) Is he?

VIC:

(SOMEWHAT IRRITATED) I don't know. All I know is five minutes ago I was sittin' here working in peace an' quiet an' now the place is full of various human beings even unto a darling little child clad in dainty pajamas skulking on the davenport.

RUSH:

(COLDLY) O. K.]

SADE:

(BRIEFLY) Well, let's get to bed. All of us. You through with your work?

VIC:

Just about.

SADE:

(TO RUSH, BRIEFLY) Trot along, Willie.

RUSH:

I'm just settled comfortable an'.....

SADE:

(SHARPLY) What'd ya come down in the first place for?

RUSH:

(BLUNTLY) You come down.

SADE:

(SHARPLY) An' no smartness either. Goodness, here it is going on...

FLETCHER:

Mis' Gillfop had another brother you prob'ly remember, Sadie.

SADE:

(BRIEFLY) Did she? Look, Uncle Fletcher, it's terrible late an' we're all going upstairs. I expect you got your night-gown an' different things in your valise?

FLETCHER:

Yes. This other brother's name was Edith Britcher. They give him a girl's name by mistake. He later changed it to Sam an' went under the name "Sam Britcher." Sam Britcher moved to Syracuse, New Jersey, married a woman that looked to be forty-eight years old but was actually seventy-eight, went into the Cloak and Suit business, and later died.

SADE:

Uh-huh. (DETERMINEDLY) Uncle Fletcher, you're going to stay here with us tonight.

FLETCHER:

How do you mean that, Sadie?

SADE:

It was just awful sweet of you to let your landlady's visitors have your room, but I'd never in the world let you cross and criss-cross all those railroad tracks getting to the Bright Kentucky Hotel this time of night. Why, that place is completely surrounded by railroad tracks. You'd be taking your life in your hands walking through the dark in that neighborhood. You've got your lovely bed right upstairs here an' you know you're always welcome to use it.

FLETCHER:

(RELUCTANTLY) They know me at the Bright Kentucky, Sadie.

SADE:

(FIRMLY) I wouldn't sleep a wink if I thought you were.......

FLETCHER:

I'm well acquainted with the different ones down there. Gumpox the garbage man, Rishigan Fishigan from Sishigan Michigan, Y.I. I.Y. Skeeber, Stacy Yopp, Alf Musherton....

SADE:

(FIRMLY) Uncle Fletcher, I wouldn't sleep a wink. Not a wink.

FLETCHER:

The night clerk, Strap Clark, is a special friend of mine. (CHUCKLES) They tell a little story on Strap where he escorted his lady friend to Peoria in order to buy her a big chicken dinner an' on the road they got in a spat over somethin' an'...

SADE:

Yes. - Rush has told us that tale.

RUSH:

(TOUGH) I've never got to finish it. I've started to tell it nine million times but.......

SADE:

(SHARPLY) You waltz on up to bed, mister.

RUSH:

Um.

VIC:

Only a few moments ago I was sittin' here blissfully enjoying the quiet solitude of........

SADE:

Isn't it about time you got some sleep too?

VIC:

(DRYLY) One's wife runs things with a high hand.

SADE:

Yes.

VIC:

One's wife is.........

SADE:

Now Uncle Fletcher, I mean that. I'd worry myself sick if you left here in the middle of the night to go feeling your way through the dark and stumbling over a million railroad tracks to stay at that terrible awful old ramshackle dump of a place where you're liable to........

FLETCHER:

(GENEROUSLY CONCEDING THE POINT) All right, Sadie. All right.

SADE:

Sure.

FLETCHER:

(GRACIOUSLY) Long as you make such a point of it.

SADE:

I certainly do make a point of it.

FLETCHER:

(GRACIOUSLY) Well, I wouldn't wanta cause hard feelings.

SADE:

'Course not.

VIC:

(LOW TONE) It was his idea to stay here all the time.

SADE:

(SHARPLY) What?

VIC:

(LOW TONES) He never had any notion of stayin' at the Bright Kentucky.

RUSH:

(CHUCKLES, LOW TONES) I agree with gov, mom. Uncle Fletcher's a pretty wise operator. He.........

SADE:

(SOME HEAT) You're still on that davenport, huh?

RUSH:

Um.

SADE:

(SHARPLY) You march.

RUSH:

Um.

FLETCHER:

(SOOTHINGLY) I'll stay, Sadie. I'll stay.

SADE:

Um.

FLETCHER:

(WISELY) It pays to give in to the women-folks every now and again, Vic.

VIC:

Yeah.

FLETCHER:

Like Charlie Haverstraw there in Belvidere.

VIC:

Um.

FLETCHER:

Remember him, Sadie?

SADE:

No.

FLETCHER:

(SURPRISED) No? Why, Charlie Haverstraw was born and raised there in Belvidere.

SADE:

Um.

FLETCHER:

Charlie Haverstraw left Belvidere to move to Terry Haute Ohio. He married a woman twenty-six years old and she run away from him. He married a woman thirty-six years old and she run away from him. He married a woman forty-six years old and she run away from him. He ended up marryin' a woman fifty-six years old that'd lost her leg in a train-wreck. She couldn't run away from him. Far as I know they're still living happy there in Terry Haute, Ohio.

SADE:

(WITHOUT MUCH WARMTH) Makes quite a story.

FLETCHER:

Yes. It does.

SADE:

Um.

FLETCHER:

(SOOTHINGLY) No, I'll stay here tonight, Sadie.

SADE:

Fine.

FLETCHER:

(GENEROUSLY) You won your point. You talked me into it.

VIC AND RUSH:

(LOW IRONICAL TONES) Yeah.

FLETCHER:

(BRIEF PAUSE, YAWNS) Well.........believe I'll take my shoes off.

END OF SCRIPT

ANNOUNCER:

Which concludes another brief interlude at the small house half-way up in the next block. (PAUSE)

CLOSING AND COMMERCIAL CREDITS