SFX:
(WIND AND BELLS)
ANNCR:
The makers of Fleischmann's Yeast present I LOVE A MYSTERY:
SFX:
(WIND AND BELLS)
MUSIC:
(ORGAN THEME...VALSE TRISTE)
ANNCR:
I love a MYSTERY presenting the latest adventures of the Three Comrades, Jack, Doc and Reggie, now in the seaport of Santa Marguerita, in the state of San Moreno, on the east Coast of South America, just under the Equator
MUSIC:
(MUSIC UP TO FINISH)
ANNCR:
(FIRST COMMERCIAL)
SFX:
(SIREN)
ANNCR:
The TROPICS DON'T CALL IT MURDER, a new Carlton Morse Adventure Thriller
MUSIC:
(ORGAN...VALSE TRISTE) (END ORGAN)
SFX:
(CLOCK STRIKES TEN)
SOUND:
WAVES, UNDER
ANNCR:
Ten o'clock in the morning in Santa Margurita's ancient bastille of stone which hugs the waterfront at the north end of the city. This filthy hole of a jail, built long ago to hold criminals and slaves newly brought over from Spain, stands so close to the South Atlantic Ocean that twenty feet of its lower wall is awash at high-tide and four to six feet is under water at ALL times. And this is where Doc and Reggie have been lodged; in the state of San Moreno's one and only prison in San Moreno's one and only seaport, Santa Margurita. They are prisoners, accused of the murder of a piano player in the waterfront saloon, the Blue Circle. That was last night. There was another murder last night; the fatal shooting of John Cottenridge, chief scientist of the Charles H Fortune expedition, interested in rubber plantation concessions in San Moreno. But that involved Jack Packard and a little French adventuress named Josie, and at the moment attention is focused on the cell occupied by Doc and Reggie.
SOUND:
(SOUND OF IRON DOORS OPENING AND CLOSING IN BACKGROUND THROUGH ECHO CHAMBER)
SOUND:
WAVES UP TO ESTABLISH, THEN FADE UNDER AND OUT
DOC:
Can you see anything Reggie?
REGGIE:
(STRAINS) Not a bally thing...
DOC:
Can't even tell whether they're bringin' prisoners in or takin' 'em out...HUH?
REGGIE:
No...But I still maintain those shots we heard this morning was a bloody firing squad...
DOC:
Can't you think of something pleasant, son?
REGGIE:
And more than that, I think it was our next door neighbor here...
DOC:
That nice old geezer?...Naaaaaww...
REGGIE:
Righto, what's become of him then?...Last night he was in cell next door...This morning the cell's empty...At dawn there was a volley of shots...
DOC:
Yeah, had a funny sound, didn't it...Sort of like runnin' a stick along a picket fence. Only with a lot of echo...
REGGIE:
Quite...shots echoing off a stone execution wall...
DOC:
(PAUSE) Nice old guy...I kinda liked him...
REGGIE:
Our association was a bit unsatisfactory...we can't talk San Moreno and he couldn't talk English...
DOC:
just the same he had nice soft, friendly eyes and I liked the way his white mustache kinda come down and curled around the corners of his mouth...
REGGIE:
Now he's dead...
SFX:
REGGIE SCRATCHING UNDER
DOC:
Yeah...GrrrrrrBING...All over...Dust to dust and stuff...Hey, whyn't you come on over and sit on the bunk...What are you scratchin' about?
REGGIE:
Because I bally well itch...
DOC:
Itch, huh?
REGGIE:
QUITE...You must have the skin of a ---
DOC:
Hipponauserous?
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) Quite...
DOC:
Yeah...Things probably bin a-breedin' in this here calaboose fer generations...
REGGIE:
It seems likely...
DOC:
Still an' all, though, while it's the same old buildin', these here are nice new blocks of steel cells...Not EXACTLY new, that is, but a lot newer'n the outside walls...
REGGIE:
Quite...I heard the Captain tell them to put us in the steel block...
DOC:
Yeah...I suppose they throw some of the poor critters into the old dungeons...Man, what THEY must be like...
REGGIE:
Quite...Especially down below when the tide's in...Probably wade in water up to their armpits...
DOC:
Hey, how soon you think Jack'll get us out of here?
REGGIE:
With a murder charge hanging over us?...Besides, for all we know, he may not have the faintest idea where we are...
DOC:
We talked that all out last night...Didn't you agree Jack's smart enough to figure out where we are?
REGGIE:
Quite...Possibly a bit of wishful thinking, however...
DOC:
When I think of the way we let that two-faced siffy cat talk us into jail---
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) Colonel Sandona of the military police?
DOC:
Yeah, tellin' us he was takin' us to Jack and then slammin' us in here before we knowed what was what...
REGGIE:
Clever chappie...
DOC:
Clever my grandma, we was just playin' it dumb...You know, Reggie, we deserve everything we git, for lettin' ourselves in for this, like we done.
REGGIE:
If that's any comfort...
DOC:
Well we DO...I don't know WHEN I bin so ashamed of myself...
REGGIE:
Big help that will be when they stand us up in front of a firing squad...
DOC:
Hey, whatcha talking about?
REGGIE:
With a Coupe de Grace to finish it off...
DOC:
But we ain't had no trial yet...
REGGIE:
I understand courts are a bit passé in San Moreno...If they happen to remember it, they may take us before a judge for sentence...
DOC:
You kiddin' Reggie?
REGGIE:
You think I am?
DOC:
Well I kinda HOPE you are...
REGGIE:
Not at all...
DOC:
But dag-nab it, Reggie, we never KILLED that silly piano player in the Blue Moon...
REGGIE:
(SHRUGS) Somebody thinks we did...
DOC:
Durn his ornery hide...Why'd he have to go git hisself murdered for ANYWAY...Hey'd you notice something last night when they brung us into this here bastile...
REGGIE:
What was that?
DOC:
The whole derned front of the place clean up to the belfry's covered over with bougainvilla...
REGGIE:
Bougainvilla?
DOC:
Yeah, I always WAS nuts about bougainvilla...
REGGIE:
I hope is gives you a lot of satisfaction...
DOC:
Huh?
REGGIE:
I said I hoped it gave you a lot of satisfaction...
DOC:
About WHAT?
REGGIE:
Being in a jail covered with bougainvilla...:
DOC: Yeah, that shows what an old place this is...Must have took years for it to climb clean up to the belfry...
REGGIE:
Doesn't take bougainvilla to tell ME the place is old...
SFX:
REGGIE SCRATCHING
DOC:
You shouldn't ought to scratch like that Reggie...You might injure yourself...
REGGIE:
Thanks for the tip...
DOC:
Yeah...(PAUSE) Wonder who they'll put in the cell next to us ...
REGGIE: (GRUNTS)
DOC:
I kinda LIKE a corner cell...better ventilation, I always say...(PAUSE)...Yeah...(PAUSE)...You know somethin' Reg...
REGGIE:
Well?
DOC:
I betcha I could maneuver a couple of locks and git us OUT of this place if I was to set my mind to it...
REGGIE:
(SOFTLY) (SHARPLY) I say, you blooming idiot...
DOC:
Huh?
REGGIE:
(TENSE) Not so loud...You don't know who may be listening.
DOC:
I wasn't talkin' loud..Jus' thinkin' with my mouth open...
REGGIE:
(LOW – EAGER) You really think you might get us out?: : :
DOC: Well if Jack don't come along purty soon, we got to do SOMETHING...'specially if you think they sure enough might take us out and shoot us...
REGGIE:
But why wait until Jack---
DOC:
Be just a waste of time workin' on them bolts if Jack can spring us.
REGGIE:
But don't you think you should work on them a little---
DOC:
Have to wait until night anyway...
REGGIE:
I could keep watch...
DOC:
No, I jes' got a hunch Jack's a gonna find us...
REGGIE:
(MUTTERS) Lazy beggar...
DOC:
Aw now Reg...
REGGIE:
How do you expect to maintain your standing as an expert lock picker if you don't keep in practice...
DOC:
Take it easy, son...(YAWNS, STRETCHES)...How about a nap?
REGGIE:
(MUTTERS) Bally Texan...
SFX:
(PAUSE...FOOTSTEPS IN BACKGROUND ON CEMENT THROUGH ECHO CHAMBER)
REGGIE:
I say...Visitors...
DOC:
(INTEREST) Yeah?
REGGIE:
At least they're coming this way...
DOC: (SOFTLY) Heeeey REGGIE...a little female...
REGGIE:
(SOFTLY) I say, a bally infant in pig-tails...
DOC:
That hombre must be her papa.
SFX:
(SOUND OF IRON DOORS CLANKING OPEN)
SFX: (COUPLE OF STEPS)
SFX:
(SOUND OF IRON DOORS CLANK SHUT AND SOUND OF LOCK)
CAPTAIN:
Good...This will be your home until government decide to liquidate you...Adios Gringo...
SFX:
(COUPLE OF STEPS)
DOC:
(BACK LITTLE) Hey, Guard...
CAPTAIN :
(BACK LITTLE) Who this dog, who call me GUARD.
DOC:
(COMING TO MIKE) Well AIN'T you a guard, mister?
CAPTAIN:
(BACK LITTLE) I have you know I, Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales, am best Captain of Bastile in whole state of San Moreno including all of North and South America...
DOC:
(ADMIRING) Heeeey, you don't say so...
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) That's taking in a lot of territory, Captain...
CAPTAIN:
I am best Captain of Bastille any place in whole world... That's me, Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales
DOC:
Honest to gosh, Captain, are you sure enough in charge of this here calaboose?
CAPTAIN:
I, Jose Batiste---
DOC:
Yeah, yeah, we git it...Doggone feller, I sure am proud to meet you...Ain't you Reggie?
REGGIE:
QUITE...
DOC:
Yes sir, I reckon you wasn't around last night when Colonel Sandona of the Military police brought my side-kick and me in...By the way I'd kinda like for you know Reggie...Captain Gonzales this here's Reggie York...
REGGIE:
How do you do, Captain Gonzales...
CAPTAIN:
So?
DOC:
Yeah, and I'm Doc Long, not that we ain't old friends anyway, me admirin' you the way I do...
CAPTAIN:
So...Colonel Sandona bring you here and lock you up when I am not here...
DOC:
Yeah, Captain Gonzales, do you really LIKE Colonel Sandona?
CAPTAIN:
Baah! I SPIT on him...
DOC:
Yeah, that's jes' how I feel about him...
CAPTAIN:
What you in my Bastille for?
REGGIE:
I say, Captain, haven't you seen our commitment papers this morning?
CAPTAIN:
No...I NEVER look at anything before siesta...
DOC:
(AMUSED) Well it's all kinda silly Captain...
CAPTAIN:
Silly, eh?
DOC:
(AMUSED) Sure...You'll think so too when you hear it...
CAPTAIN:
So?
DOC:
Yeah...MURDER...
CAPTAIN:
(AWED) MURDER?...You think murder is silly?
REGGIE:
Oh look here, not MURDER...But it's silly to accuse US of murder...You can tell that just to look at us, can't you Captain?
CAPTAIN:
Are you two hombres who kill piano player in Blue Circle last night?
DOC:
Oh you heard about that...
CAPTAIN:
Si..I hear about it...So I waste my time talking to couple of murderers...
REGGIE:
But I say, we really didn't do it...
CAPTAIN:
No?...Tell it to the firing squad...
DOC:
FIRING SQUAD?
CAPTAIN:
Si...
DOC:
Heeeey, ain't we gonna get a chance to tell it to the judge FIRST?
CAPTAIN:
(SHRUGS) Why waste the time...
DOC:
Now looky here, Captain...(SHRUGS) Okay let it go...Tain't important anyhow
CAPTAIN:
Si...It is not important...Now I go--
DOC:
Jes' one thing more...That nice old guy that was in the next cell, yonder...What happened to him?
CAPTAIN:
(SURPRISE) You did not hear the execution?
REGGIE:
(UNEASY) You...you're referring to that volley of fire arms.
CAPTAIN:
Firing squad, Si...
DOC:
Yeah...What did HE do?
CAPTAIN:
He was enemy to government...Thees hombre I just now put into cell next door...He is enemy of government also...
REGGIE:
I say, you mean the chappie you lodged next door with the little girl?
CAPTAIN:
Si...Maybe tomorrow guns play tatoo for him, but he will not hear it...(CHUCKLES) Always guns play tatoo against brick wall for these hombres but never do they stay alive to hear them.
REGGIE:
(GUARDED) But I say Captain...The Little girl...What is she doing in here?
CAPTAIN:
(SHRUGS) We arrest her father...SHE HAVE NO PLACE TO GO...
REGGIE:
But this is a bally shame...haven't you any place for children who haven't a home?
CAPTAIN:
Si...but this hombre he plead to have little girl with him
DOC:
And you let him bring her in here just because he asked?
CAPTAIN:
(SHRUGS) Why not?...What hurt...It will not be for long...
DOC:
Now that's what I call doggone generous of you Captain...
CAPTAIN:
Si...I am most generous fellow..., Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales I am most generous fellow in the whole state of San Moreno including all of North and South America.
DOC:
Doggone that's swell...
CAPTAIN:
Si...I am generous fellow...Brave too...
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) Quite...
DOC:
Okay, then you won't mind don' a little somethin' for Reggie and me ...
CAPTAIN:
(SUSPICIOUS) Do something?
DOC:
Sure...Get in touch with another side-kick of ours on the outside, and tell him we're in here...
CAPTAIN:
(INDIGNANT) You ask ME to carry message?
DOC:
Yeah to Jack Packard---
CAPTAIN:
(ANGRY) I have never been so insult in my whole life... (LEAVING MIKE) You will pay for this...I will see to it with my own hands...
SFX:
FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE LEAVING
DOC:
Now what the heck's the matter with HIM...:
REGGIE: (AMUSED) You insulted him...
DOC:
Man, he sure does insult EASY...
STERN:
(BACK) Maybe if you'd passed him a handful of centavos he wouldn't have BEEN so insulted.
REGGIE:
Oh I say...Hello there...
DOC:
(BACK LITTLE) Hi you neighbor...(COMING TO MIKE) How you like your new diggin's
STERN:
(COMING TO MIKE) Not much...:
DOC: Well, we're might glad to have company next door but we're sure sorry it's you...
STERN:
Thanks.
REGGIE:
What was that about the handful of centavos...
STERN:
Gonzales wasn't mad because you asked him to slip out a message.
DOC:
Wasn't huh?
STERN:
No...He was griped because you didn't hold out a couple of greenbacks with the request...
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) Like that, eh?
STERN:
For a great big tub of a man he's got the smallest dirtiest meanest little soul this side of perdition
DOC:
Still and all it was nice of him to let you bring your little girl in here with you..
STERN:
(BITTER) At a price...
DOC:
Whatcha mean, at a price?
STERN:
They were going to put her over in the women's side of the prison... In the bull-pen with who know what...
REGGIE:
(AGHAST) I say...
STERN:
I gave that thieving Gonzales two hundred dollars, American, to let her stay with me...
DOC:
Most generous fella in all North and South America...
STERN:
Yeah...What are you fellows in for?
DOC:
Murder.
REGGIE:
Which we didn't commit --
STERN:
Oh...
DOC:
How about you?...What'd Gonzales mean, you was an enemy of San Moreno.
STERN:
Gun running...
DOC:
Yeah?..Trying to start a revolution?
STERN:
No...Just running guns in to the opposition..Had a small tramp...coming down the Coast, but ran into bad luck...First the girl's mother died...
REGGIE:
(SORRY) Oh look here.. On board the craft?
STERN:
Yes...The crew mutinied. We had to hang one and throw a couple of more to the sharks...
REGGIE:
Jove...
STERN:
Then last night we cracked up on the rocks...Everybody else was drowned but Patricia and me.. San Moreno coast guard launch picked us up...Got a look at what we had in the hold of the ship...
DOC:
Guns?
STERN:
Sure..and here we are...
DOC:
Feller, you're the original had-luck guy if I ever seen one...
STERN:
Did I hear Gonzales tell you they were going to shoot me...
REGGIE:
Quite...
STERN:
That's great...
DOC:
Yeah...What's gonna happen to...what's her name over there?
STERN:
(BITTER) That's a stupid question
DOC:
Is huh?
STERN:
(VIOLENT) Well ISN'T IT?...Don't you think I feel vile enough about it, without you throwing it in my face?
DOC:
(SORRY) Yeah...yeah...
REGGIE:
What's her name?
STERN:
(SHORT) Patricia...
DOC:
Mind calling her over here?
STERN:
(SHORT) Yes...
DOC:
Huh?
STERN:
(VIOLENT) Why SHOULDN'T I mind calling her over...Eight year old girl...Isn't it bad enough having her IN this filthy place...Do I have to introduce her to a couple of murderers.
DOC:
Whoaaaoooee now son...Baaaaack up...
STERN:
(VIOLENTLY) WELL?
DOC:
Looky mister, you're in a heap of trouble...
STERN:
You're telling ME...
DOC:
Yeah...You're a-gonna need friends that can help you BAD...Get what I mean?
STERN:
It'll take more than a couple of killers waiting execution...
DOC:
Supposin' we DIDN'T kill nobody though...
STERN:
(DISGUST) Oh NUTS...And even if you didn't you'll be just as dead when Captain Gonzales gets through with you...:
REGGIE: However we DO have a friend on the outside...
STERN:
(EAGER) What's that?
REGGIE:
Quite...Chap named Jack Packard...
STERN:
Can he do anything...Has he got money...Influence?
DOC:
(ENTHUSED) Can he DO anything?...Saaaay, when Jack gits into action you'd think ten tom cats was a fussin' to see the fur fly.
STERN:
(GRUNTS) (UP) Patricia, come here...(PAUSE)... This is my daughter, Patricia
DOC:
Howdy...I'm Doc...This is Reggie.
PATRICIA:
Hello...
REGGIE:
May I say that you are a very beautiful little girl...
PATRICIA:
My Mother was beautiful...Even when she was dead, she was beautiful...Wasn't she, Father?
REGGIE:
(SOFTLY) Jove...
DOC:
(SOFTLY) Yeah...Yeah, I bet she was!
MUSIC:
(ORGAN THEME -- VALSE TRISTE)
ANNOUNCER:
In just a moment you will make the further acquaintance of this child Patricia. -One moment please...
ANNOUNCER:
(SECOND COMMERCIAL HERE)
SFX:
(CLOCK STRIKES TEN)
SFX:
(ECHO CHAMBER...SOUND OF THROWING LOCK AND OPENING AND CLOSING OF IRON DOORS IN BACKGROUND)
REGGIE:
(GUARDED) I say, are they bringing in someone else?
DOC:
: I can't see a thing...
REGGIE:
Not even standing on the bunk?
DOC:
(STRAINS) Nah ...That's the trouble of bein' in the last cell way down to the end of the corridor...
PATRICIA:
(BACK LITTLE) If I had a pencil and some paper, I'd draw pictures.
DOC:
Well will you look who's peekin' through the bars at me...Thought your papa told you to lay down and take a nap...
PATRICIA:
I tried, but I got to feeling funny ...
REGGIE:
Jove, I quite sympathize...
PATRICIA:
My father's lying down though...
DOC:
Yeah, I see ...Uuuuuh, Look Patricia?
PATRICIA:
What?
DOC:
Ain't you got any other folks...I mean besides your papa?
PATRICIA:
(SHRUGS) I guess NOT ...
REGGIE:
(CONCERN) I say, no grandparents or uncles or aunts?
PATRICIA:
(SHRUGS) I don't know...(AMUSED) You know something, Doc?
DOC:
Yeah?
PATRICIA:
You got the reddest hair I about ever saw ...
DOC:
(AMUSED) Yeah, that's from being' out in the sun without a hat...
PATRICIA:
(AMUSED) Aaaw, I know different than THAT...
DOC:
(AMUSED) Yeah?
PATRICIA:
(AMUSED) Sure...People get BORN with red hair...
REGGIE:
(ADMIRINGLY) I say, you're not putting over anything on THAT young lady...
DOC:
Hey you're all RIGHT...
PATRICIA:
I AM?
DOC:
I'll be a hipponauserous if you ain't...
PATRICIA:
(LAUGHS) A Hipponauserous?
DOC:
That's right ...
PATRICIA:
(AMUSED) I never saw one of those...(SIGHS)...Oh dear...
DOC:
Huh...Something the matter?
PATRICIA:
I don't like it in here, very much...Do you?
DOC:
Oh I don't know...I seen worse places...
PATRICIA:
Yes, but there's nothing to DO...
REGGIE:
Quite...That's one thing about jails...
PATRICIA:
If I only had a pencil and paper I could draw pictures...
DOC:
Got a pencil, Reg?
REGGIE:
I'm afraid not...
DOC:
Yeah, me neither...Where's that tin cup...
REGGIE:
Tin cup?
DOC:
Yeah...Here she is...We'll git a little service around here..
SFX:
(SOUND OF POUNDING ON IRON BARS AND RUNNING CUP ACROSS BARS).
REGGIE:
(AMUSED) Bit on the noisy side...
PATRICIA:
What's that for...:
DOC: Git a flunkey down here to wait on us...
SFX:
(AGAIN RUN CUP ACROSS BARS)
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) (BELLOWS) What you do...
DOC:
(UP) Hi Captain is that you?
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) You betcha my life it's me...Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales!
DOC:
(UP) Okay come here...
CAPTAIN:
You tell ME, come there...
DOC:
(UP) Yeah...Come here...
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) Dog of Dog... Is that anyway to talk to best Captain of Bastile in all San Moreno
DOC:
(UP) Come here...Come here...Come here...
SFX:
(RATTLES CUP AGAINST IRON BARS)
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) Name of a Pig...Pedro!...Sebastian!..BRING THE FIRE HOSE...
REGGIE:
I say, Doc...NOW you've done it
DOC:
Done What?
REGGIE:
Didn't you hear what the Captain said...They're bringing the fire hose...
DOC:
Fire hose?...What's that for?
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) Pig of Dog...When I say bring fire hose I mean bring fire hose...Advance down the corridor...
SFX:
(SOUND OF WHEELS OF TRUCK...PROBABLY HAND TRUCK THAT RATTLES ON CEMENT FLOOR WILL BE BEST)
PATRICIA:
(ON CUE) What are they doing...what's that for?
DOC:
I don't know sugar, but you better git over in your bunk with your papa...
PATRICIA:
What for?
STERN:
(BACK LITTLE) Patricia, come here...
PATRICIA:
All right...
SFX:
(TRUCK IN TO FULL MIKE)
CAPTAIN:
Now then...You yell at me, I think...
DOC:
Sure I yelled...What about it?
CAPTAIN:
What about it...I have been INSULT that's what about it...
DOC:
But all I wanted was for somebody to bring paper and a pencil so the little girl in the next cell could draw some pictures...
CAPTAIN:
Haha...So THAT is all you want...Paper and pencil...
DOC:
That's all...Heey, what's the idea of pointing the nozzle of that hose this way?
CAPTAIN: Pedro...Sebastian...Turn on the water
DOC:
Heeeeey, what's the idea...
CAPTAIN:
I show you what we do with prisoners who make such noise...SEBASTIAN...TURN ON THE WATER...
SEBASTIAN:
(AWAY) Si, El Capitan...
CAPTAIN:
Dog of pig...
SOUND:
(SOUND OF WATER SUDDENLY COMING ON WITH FORCE AND SPURT)
CAPTAIN:
Ah-Ha...(CHUCKLES)
DOC:
(YELLS, GASPS) Heeeey...Heey...You two-tailed yellow pole cat...
REGGIE:
(YELLS) I say, you bloody scoundrel...
CAPTAIN:
(LAUGHS) How you like it, no?
PATRICIA:
(SCREAMS) (CRYING) Stop that...Stop that do you hear...
CAPTAIN:
(LAUGHS) O-ho...The little one she is angry...
PATRICIA:
(CRYING) (SCREAMS) You stop doing that...You stop, do You hear...
STERN:
Patricia...Patricia Please...
PATRICIA:
(CRYING) I won't...I won't...You mean old man...You mean old man...
CAPTAIN:
(BELLOW) Hi Sebastian...Turn off water...YOU HEAR ME...TURN OFF WATER...
PATRICIA:
(SOBBING IN BACKGROUND)
SOUND:
(WATER FORCE GROWS LESS AND IS CUT OFF)
SFX:
WATER DRIPPING INTO BUCKET
SOUND:
WATER DRIPPING DOWN THE WALLS UNDER
REGGIE:
(SHIVERING) I say, that water must come out of a refrigerator...
DOC:
(SHIVERING) Talk about your drowned monkeys... Whoooe...Boy that water knocked me into a double somersault when it hit me...
CAPTAIN:
Sooo, now maybe you don't make no more noise, eh?
PATRICIA:
(SOBBING) you know what you ARE?...You're the meanest men in the whole world...that's what you are...
CAPTAIN:
SO?
STERN:
Come Patricia, don't do that...
PATRICIA:
(SOBBING) Doc and Reggie are my friends and you don't turn water on them any more..
CAPTAIN:
You are a little she wild cat, I think, eh?
STERN:
(ANGRY) You've got a lot to do, taunting a child...
CAPTAIN:
Bah, you will be food for buzzards, one day...Why should I waste words on you...
PATRICIA:
(SHIVERING) Father he's not going to hurt you too, is he?
STERN:
No of course not...Come on and lie down (LEAVING MIKE) With your back to him...Forget all about him...
CAPTAIN:
(AMUSED) I don't think anybody EVER forget Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales...
JACK:
(AMUSED) Oh, so you're Captain Gonzales?
CAPTAIN:
(STARTLED) What's this?...Who are you?
JACK:
Jack Packard...
CAPTAIN:
What you do in this corridor...How you get here?
JACK:
I have papers requiring you to let me see Doc Long and Reggie York.
CAPTAIN:
Eh?...What kind of papers?
JACK:
Here look at them...From the proper source, as you see.
CAPTAIN:
(GRUNTS)
JACK:
All right?
CAPTAIN:
Bah, whose prison is this, anyway?
JACK:
(AMUSED) I was under the impression it belonged to the state of San Moreno...
CAPTAIN:
(BELLOWS) This is MY bastile...Who dare give orders to ME, the best Capitan of bastile in whole state of San Moreno including all of North and South America...
JACK:
You BET...
CAPTAIN:
What's that?
JACK:
I said, you bet
CAPTAIN:
(GROWLS) You BETCHA, you bet...
JACK:
Well do you mind stepping down the corridor while I talk to my friends...
CAPTAIN:
What's this?
JACK:
Those orders say I can see them privately...
CAPTAIN:
Orders, orders, always ORDERS...(LEAVING MIKE) I go, but I will be back...Haaa, I will come back...
REGGIE:
(CHUCKLES)
JACK:
Well hello jail-birds...
DOC:
Jack you ugly old hipponauserous...Boy are we glad to see YOU...
JACK:
You boys better wring out your clothes before you catch cold...
DOC:
Yeah, kin you Imagine that tub of hot-air turnin the hose on us...
REGGIE:
(GUARDED) I say Doc we can't undress...Patricia
DOC:
Oh yea...(UP) Heeey, over yonder...Mr. Stern...
STERN:
(BACK) Well?
DOC:
Will you kinda keep Patricia with her face to the wall while we skin out of these wet clothes and wring 'em dry?
STERN:
(BACK) Go ahead...:
DOC: (UP) Thanks...
JACK:
(INCREDULOUS) You mean there's a girl in there?
REGGIE:
Quite...About eight years old...
DOC:
Yeah, she's lying there on the bunk beside her papa...
JACK:
What kind of place IS this?
REGGIE:
Stern's a gun runner...Didn't have a decent place to leave the little girl...Paid the Captain two hundred dollars to let her stay with him until he's shot...
JACK:
He's going to be shot?
DOC:
Yeah, right along with us...Unless you kin do somethin' about it?
REGGIE:
You must have made some top notch contacts to get in here like this...
JACK:
The papers are faked...I bribed a secretary of the state department to get the proper papers. The signatures are forged...
REGGIE:
Jove...Then we're not sitting so pretty...
JACK:
I wouldn't say so...And what's more the military police are scouring Santa Marguerite for ME
DOC:
They want YOU for killin' that piano player too?
JACK:
No, last night after you'd been picked up by Colonel Sandona, our boss Cottonridge was shot...
REGGIE:
Cottonridge is dead?
JACK:
That's right...I was in the room...Somebody shot him through the window...
DOC:
And now the police think you done it?
JACK:
They don't know, but they're awfully anxious to question me...
DOC:
Well son, ain't you takin' an awful chance comin' here?
JACK:
I had to see you...But never mind that...More important there's a damaging witness against me...A girl named Josie...
DOC:
Yes...Good looker?
JACK:
Little French adventuress...
DOC:
You don't say...
JACK:
Will you listen...She didn't actually see Cottonridge die, but she came into the room right after the shot...I was the only one in the room so she thinks I killed him...
REGGIE:
But didn't you explain...
JACK:
She won't listen...
DOC:
Where is she now?
JACK:
I got her prisoner in a dirty little dump down on the waterfront.
DOC:
Snatched her, huh?
REGGIE:
I say, Jack, isn't that a bit desperate?
JACK:
Looks like this whole business is desperate...I got somebody else too...
DOC:
Yeah?:
JACK: Yeah, Alexia, the Russian girl...
DOC:
You mean the pianist's girl what drinks gin and laudenum?
JACK:
Yes...
REGGIE:
But what for?
JACK:
Colonel Sandona and his Military Police are looking for her as a witness against you two ...
DOC:
You mean if she says we killed the piano player it's all up with us?
JACK:
That's about it...
DOC:
But, how could she know...Just before he was bumped off she was out like a light...I looked in on her in the back room of the Blue Circle...There she was stretched out on the bed full of laudenum
JACK:
(SHRUGS) Who cares, if she's willing to swear she saw you two kill the piano player...
REGGIE:
Jack, I don't get it...What's happening?...How did we get into this mess?
DOC:
Yeah, we was just mindin' our own business when...WHAM...Here we are practically catchin' a firin' squad's bullets in our teeth...
JACK:
We're being framed...
REGGIE:
You mean this isn't a mistake?
JACK:
No mistake...Somebody deliberately killed that piano player and arranged for the police to pick up you two...Then they killed Cottonridge in a way that put me on the spot...
DOC:
But Jack, WE ain't got no enemies down here ...I mean we DIDN'T have until Captain Gonzales come into my life...
JACK:
It isn't us...
REGGIE:
But you just said ---
JACK:
I think it's mixed up with that Rubber expedition we were to lead into the interior...
DOC:
You mean somebody don't WANT that expedition to succeed...
JACK:
It's pretty obvious...Remember there are violent political factions here in San Moreno...And remember that the faction in power got all the gravy for allowing the Charles H. Fortune Rubber Company of the United States to come down here for plantation experiments...
REGGIE:
I say, you're saying that even though the government is satisfied, the opposition is trying to ruin everything?
JACK:
I haven't any proof yet, but...
DOC:
But looky, what's the idea of pickin' on US?...WE ain't their old scientific expedition...
JACK:
No, but how far do you think the expedition is going to get into the back country without us.
REGGIE:
Quite...we were hired in the first place because we could handle the rough stuff back from the coast...
DOC:
Yeah, I reckon they jes' won't BE no expedition 'til we git out of jail...
JACK:
Cottonridge was going ahead without us...That was almost the last thing he said before he was shot...
REGGIE:
But that would be Suicide ----
SFX:
(COMMOTION OF SCUFFLING ON CONCRETE FLOOR AWAY FROM MIKE)
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) Come on...Come on...Pig of a Pig...
FLUTEY:
(BACK) (NEAR TEARS) Take your hands off of me...
CAPTAIN:
(BACK) Take my hands off you eh?...(COMING TO MIKE) I'll twist you neck for you...
FLUTEY:
(COMING TO MIKE) (SCARED, NEAR TEARS) No...No...
CAPTAIN:
Stand still, while I open this cage...
REGGIE:
I say...
SFX:
(SOUND OF KEY IN LOCK)
CAPTAIN: (VIOLENT) Inside with you...
FLUTEY:
(PUSHED) Oh don't...
STERN:
(BACK LITTLE) Here, what is this Captain Gonzales...
SFX:
(IRON DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
STERN:
(VIOLENT): You can't put this kid in here!
CAPTAIN:
(AMUSED) Ha...That is what YOU think...Me, I, Jose Batiste Morales Gonzales, am captain of this bastile... (LEAVING MIKE) Buenos Dias, senor...
REGGIE:
I say, Jack, this is beastly...
JACK:
Listen...
STERN:
(VIOLENTLY) Who are you...What are you doing here...
FLUTEY:
(SHRUGS,SMIRK) Oh I don't know...I've got as much right to be here as you have...
STERN:
What are you in here for? What did you do? ...Are you an American?
FLUTEY:
No, I was born down here...
STERN:
You talk American...
FLUTEY:
Sure...I went to school up North until I got away and came back.
STERN:
I still want to know what you did...Are you a revolutionist?
FLUTEY:
(AMUSED) Me?...Naaw...
STERN:
Well, then WHAT?
FLUTEY:
(LOW TENSE) I killed her...(BEGINS TO LAUGH< AMUSED)
SFX:
(SOUND OF SOCK OF BLOW)
FLUTEY:
(CRY) You hit me...You hurt me...
STERN:
Filthy trash...Don't know why I dirty my hands on you.
SOUND:
(WIND AND BELLS)
ANNOUNCER:
(THIRD COMMERCIAL HERE)
DOC:
Look, Jack, you got to figure some way of getting' that little female kid out of here...
JACK:
Doc, you say you think you can open these cell locks...
DOC:
You ever see a lock I COULDN'T open?
JACK:
I'm being serious...I've got to know...
DOC:
Each cell unlocks by itself...I'm purty sure, but I can't tell 'til I try...
JACK:
When are you going to try?
DOC:
Soon as it gits dark enough...
JACK:
All right...You've got an outside window...I'll be waiting under it...Drop a note out...
REGGIE:
A bally jail break's in order...
DOC:
Got a pencil and some paper...
JACK:
Here...
DOC:
Thanks...I'll only need a scrap of this...Patricia kin draw pictures on the rest of it...
MUSIC:
: (ORGAN THEME...VALSE TRISTE)
ANNCR:
The further adventures of Jack, Doc and Reggie way down below the Equator where "THE TROPICS DON'T CALL IT MURDER" will come to you next Monday at this same hour. I LOVE A MYSTERY by Carlton E Morse comes to you through the courtesy of the makers of Fleischmann's Yeast. This is the National Broadcasting Company..
MUSIC:
Theme