NARRATOR:
And now...Roma Wines presents...
(SUSPENSE THEME STARTS)
NARRATOR:
SUSPENSE!
(MUSIC TONES DOWN)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
Tonight, "The Man Who Knew How", starring Charles Laughton.
(MUSIC SWELLS TO AN END)
NARRATOR:
Suspense is presented for your enjoyment by Roma Wines. That's R-O-M-A...Roma Wines. Those California wines that can add so much pleasantness to the way you live, to your happiness at entertaining guests to the enjoyment of everyday meals. Yes, right now a glass full would be very pleasant, as Roma Wines bring you..
(SHARP NOTE)
NARRATOR:
SUSPENSE!
(THEME CONTINUES IN BG)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
This is the Man In Black here for the Roma Wine company of Fresno, California to introduce this weekly half-hour of...Suspense. Tonight, from Hollywood, Roma Wines bring you as star Mr. Charles Laughton. And so with Dorothy L. Sayer's intriguing story of "The Man Who Knew How" and with the performance of Mr. Charles Laughton as Mr. Pender, a law-abiding citizen of suburban London,we again hope to keep you in...SUSPENSE!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TRAIN WHISTLE, SOUND OF TRAIN RUNNING ON TRACKS)
SMITH:
(OPENS DOOR) Hello! Is this seat taken?
PENDER:
Oh, no. You're perfectly welcome, I'm sure.
SMITH:
Thank you. (CLOSES DOOR)
PENDER:
I'm glad to see someone...come in, as a matter of fact. Night journeys are always a bit tedious, don't you think?
SMITH:
Well, I suppose it depends upon one's destination.
PENDER:
Oh, yes. Would you like a book to read? I have a copy of "Hangman's Holiday" here. I found it extremely good--
SMITH:
Thank you very much. I never read detective stories. They're so inadequate, don't you think so?
PENDER:
Well, most of them are rather lacking in characterization and human interest. But on a railway journey, one really has to concern--
SMITH:
I wasn't speaking of the character so much. I meant the crimes. Bungled, you know?
PENDER:
Oh, but I don't believe you there--
SMITH:
Oh those pended dreadful murderers are so incompetent. They bore me.
PENDER:
Oh, I say! I-I-I-I think you're quite wrong! The criminals in books are usually a good deal more imaginative and ingenious than murderers in real life.
SMITH:
Than the murderers who are found out in real life.
PENDER:
(CHUCKLES) Well-Well, even some of those did pretty well before they got pinched. Crippen, for instance. Don't you remember Dr. Crippen?
SMITH:
Ah yes, of course.
PENDER:
You know Crippen need never have been caught if he hadn't lost his head and run off to America.
SMITH:
Well, that's the point, you see. He did lose his head. (LAUGHS) Very gross.
PENDER:
Yes. (LAUGHS)
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) He bungled the whole business. It could be so simple. Now just for argument, if you were going to commit a murder, what weapon or means would you choose?
PENDER:
(STARTLED) ME?!
SMITH:
Mmph.
PENDER:
Well, uh--oh, let's see, I-I-I've never really given it much thought to ACTUALLY, uh--oh...I know...yes. I should use a sandbag.
SMITH:
A sandbag?
PENDER:
Yes, its-its-its worked...very successfully in two stories I've read recently.
SMITH:
Sand. (LAUGHS)
PENDER:
Oh, yes. Uh--
SMITH:
Oh, pardon me. I didn't mean to be rude but oh the clumsiness of it all. The elaboration, the lies, the paraphernalia, the alibi. (LAUGHS) Absolutely unnecessary!
PENDER:
Oh, come come come. You can't expect committing a murder and getting away with it as simple as--(STUTTERS)--as sharing peas.
SMITH:
Oh, you think that, do you? Well, you're mistaken, sir. It can be quite simple.
PENDER:
Oh? Well, if it's so easy, how would YOU set about committing a murder?
SMITH:
I? (CHUCKLES) Well, that's different. I should never think twice about it. You see, I KNOW how.
PENDER:
(GASPS) (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
SMITH:
(LAUGHS)
PENDER:
You haven't tried, have you?
SMITH:
Oh, my dear fellow, it isn't a case of trying. There's nothing tentative about my method.
PENDER:
What is this wonderful method?
SMITH:
Oh, you don't expect me to tell you, do you?
(BOTH LAUGH)
PENDER:
I'd-uh--I'd never think of murdering anybody.
SMITH:
Oh, yes, you would if you really believe people saying that. We've all of us got a nice little murder locked up inside just waiting for a chance to come out.
PENDER:
Uh--
SMITH:
Why are all these tremendous artificial barriers built up around murder by the church and by the law?
PENDER:
I say--
SMITH:
Just because it's anybody's crime, that's why. It's as natural as breathing.
PENDER:
Th-Th--Th-Th-That's ridiculous!
SMITH:
Yes that's what most people would say but I wouldn't trust them. Not with sulfate of thanitol to be bought for tuppence at any chemist's.
PENDER:
Uh-S-S-Sulfate of..What?
SMITH:(LAUGHS) You think I'm giving something away...well, I'm not. It's a mixture of that and one or two other things. You see, all equally ordinary and cheap. Why for ninepence you could make up enough to poison the entire cabinet.
PENDER:
Dear me!
SMITH:
Of course, it wouldn't do to polish off so many at one time. (LAUGHS) Might look queer if they all died simultaneously in their baths.
PENDER:
In their--Why in their baths?
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) Well, that's the way it would take them. It's not the mixture alone that does the trick. You see, it needs hot water to make the stuff take effect. Just a hot bath anytime from a few hours to a few days after administration--
PENDER:
(CLICKS TONGUE)
SMITH:
It's quite a simple chemical reaction that couldn't possibly be detected by analysis. Would just look like heart failure.
PENDER I-I-I-I-I-I've never heard of such a thing!
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) You know it's very odd how often one seems to read of people being found dead in the bathtub. Have you noticed?
PENDER:
I--No...no...no. But look here, if nobody is fit to be trusted with this potent formula--
SMITH:
I'm not to be trusted either, eh?
PENDER:
Exactly.
SMITH:
Well that's true but it's past praying for now. I know the thing and I can't un-know it. Unfortunate perhaps but there it is. (TRAIN RUMBLES) Ah! Are we slowing down?
PENDER:
Yes this is Rugby.
SMITH:
Rugby already? Dear me. I must get out here. I, uh, have a little business to do in Rugby.
PENDER:
I'm most indebted to you, sir. I-I've been quite entertained with your, uh, "secret formula".
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
PENDER:
Wha--uh, just a moment-what did you say was the name of that stuff? Uh, sulfate of uh--?
SMITH:
Now look here. If I were you, my dear sir, I'd just put it out of my head and forget it. There's a good fellow. Forget it. (LAUGHS)
PENDER:
Yes. Yes, yes that would be better. I'm will try to forget it.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC,TRANSITIONS)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
Tonight, for Suspense, Roma Wines bring you as star Mr. Charles Laughton whom you have heard in the prologue to tonight's studay in SUSPENSE! (THEME)
NARRATOR:
Far to the south of us is our good neighbor country, Ecuador. Let's imagine ourselves there now, dining on the roof terrace cafe of exclusive Hotel Metropolitano in Guayaquil, Ecuador. Near us, an American has just complemented his hosts on the magnificent dinner to which his host quickly responds: "Ah yes! It is true that our foods are fanous. But from your land comes a rare delicacy also. It is this superb wine. So excellent that we in Ecuador import it from your United States. My friend, I drink to you and your own delicious Roma Wine." Our Ecuadorian friend is right. For Roma Wines, superb quality has won such favor in many far places that they import it, enjoy it as a fair luxury. But not so here in America. Here, millions know and enjoy Roma Wines as an inexpensive everyday delight. At meal times and when entertaining. So many in fact, that Roma is America's largest selling wine, with no high import duties to pay nor expensive shipping costs. You enjoy these distinguished wines for only pennies a glass. Ask for Roma Wines, which bring you old-world winemaking skill plus Roma's own modern controls and testing. That's R-O-M-A. Roma Wines. America's largest selling wine. Made in California for enjoyment throughtout the world.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
And now, it is with pleasure that we bring back to our soundstage, Charles Laughton in "The Man Who Knew How". A tale well-calculated to keep you in...
(SHARP RISE)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
SUSPENSE!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DISHES CLINKING)
CHARLES:
Good morning, sir.
PENDER:
Good morning, Charles.
CHARLES: I have an egg for your breakfast, sir.
PENDER:
Ooh, thank you.
CHARLES:
They're quite scarce now, you know.
PENDER:
Yes I know.
CHARLES:
Will you have your tea now, sir?
PENDER:
Yes please. (SOUND OF TEA POT) Anything in the Post, Charles?
CHARLES:
Only a note from your tailor, sir. He'd be pleased to have you come in for a fitting at one. On Tuesday next.
PENDER:
Oh, very well. Uh, Charles? What's the, uh, back-stairs gossip in the neighborhood, Charles?
CHARLES:
Oh nothing much, sir. Mr. Skimmings, the old gentleman in number eleven, had a falling out with his nephew and has drawn up a new will, they say.
PENDER:
Ooh, really?
CHARLES:
He's left everything to his housekeeper, a Mrs. Digby.
PENDER:
Well-well-well, she's been with him nearly twenty years. Uh, that reminds me, Charles. I should draw up my will, you know. One of these days. Uh, Charles? I-I-I shan't forget you. You've been more than loyal to me, Charles.
CHARLES:
Oh--uh--well--uh--thank you, sir.
PENDER:
Oh, Charles?
CHARLES:
Yes, sir?
PENDER:
Charles, has it ever occurred to you that an unusually large number of people die in bathtubs?
CHARLES:
In, uh, Bathtubs, sir?
PENDER:
Yes, yes. You know--(STAMMERS) they seem to have a heart attack while in their bath and they never come out of it.
CHARLES:
It's a common occurrence, I dare say, sir. There was one like that in the paper this morning.
PENDER:
(STARTLED) THERE WAS?! (DROPS SILVERWARE)
CHARLES:
Yes, sir. Right on the front page, it was. That's how I happened to notice. Here. It's this account, sir. (PAPER RUSTLES)
PENDER:
Oh--"Wealthy Manufacturer Dies In Bath".
CHARLES:
Mr. Brittleseed was, sir, of the Brittleseed Engineering Works at Rugby.
PENDER:
RUGBY?!
CHARLES:
Did you know him, sir?
PENDER:
No! No, I didn't know him.
CHARLES:
I believe the paper says his wife found the poor man. Heart Failure.
PENDER:
That's a very peculiar coincidence.
CHARLES:
What, sir?
PENDER:
I was just thinking, Charles...
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC UNDERNEATH)
PENDER:
I met a man on the train down from Carlyle last night. He got off at Rugby. He said he had a bit of business there. I wonder what his business...was?
(SHARP ACCENT, MUSIC FADES OUT)
(DOOR KNOCKER)
PENDER:
Charles? Charles? (KNOCKING) Charles? (KNOCKING) Charles, there's someone at the door. (STRETCHING SOUNDS) (KNOCKING) Oh, dear me, the bell must be out of order. CHARLES! Where is that other slipper? CHARLES! (KNOCKING) Alright, alright! Just a moment! Just a moment!
(WALKING DOWN STAIRS)
MRS. DIGBY:
Is anybody there?!
PENDER:
I'm coming! I'm coming!
(DOOR OPENS)
PENDER:
Oh, Mrs. Digby.
MRS. DIGBY:
Oh! I didn't mean to rouse you, sir! Oh but Mr. Skimmings never kept a phone in the house, sir, and oh, sir, perhaps you could tell me who to call?
PENDER:
Step inside, Mrs. Digby. Now, what precisely seems to be the trouble?
MRS. DIGBY:
Well, I thought he was a long time in the bath, sir, but I never dreamed--! (SOBBING)
PENDER:
Oh, dear me. Is Mr. Skimmings being taken ill? Is that what's the matter?
MRS. DIGBY:
(SOBBING) Worse than ill, sir. He's all blue, he is.
PENDER:
Dear me.
MRS. DIGBY:
If only I'd looked in sooner, sir. But you know a gentleman in his bath, how it is, sir.
PENDER:
Oh, yes, of course.
MRS. DIGBY:
I must say, sir, I've always been afraid something of this sort might happen. The old gentleman would take his baths so very hot.
PENDER:
Probably had a slight stroke, Mrs. Digby. I dare say the doctor will be able to bring him 'round.
MRS. DIGBY:
Not likely, sir. From the look of him, he's been dead--(LOW ACCENT) for some time, sir.
(SHARP DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(CROWD NOISE)
INSPECTOR:
Stand back! Stand back! Relatives won't be admitted until the coroner's completed examination of the body.
SMITH:
Hello! Would you have a look at this card, please, officer?
INSPECTOR:
Who did you want to see in there, sir.
SMITH:
Mrs. Digby.
INSPECTOR:
You'll find her in the library, giving testimony most likely.
SMITH:
Ah, yes. They've discovered the will I imagine.
INSPECTOR:
I don't know nothing about that, sir.
SMITH:
Well, I'll just run in and have a look around, eh?
PENDER:
(PANICKED) Officer! Officer!
INSPECTOR:
Yes, sir?
PENDER:
Who was that man who just went into Mr. Skimmings' house?
INSPECTOR:
Search me.
PENDER:
Why did you let him in?
INSPECTOR:
He persuaded me like.
PENDER:
Do you realize, officer, what you may have done?! Of course, officer, I have no right to say it but that man may have gone in there to destroy evidence.
INSPECTOR:
What evidence? Oh, I get it. You're one of them there "sensation seekers". Barking at the wrong tea, milord. There ain't no murder case here. The old bloke dies of heart failure.
PENDER:
Yes, I know. While taking a hot bath.
INSPECTOR:
Well, it happens every day. Five or six cases right round this neighborhood in the past month alone.
PENDER:
Yes, I've been keeping track of them, officer. Do you know that in every single one of these cases the persons who died left quite a lot of money?!
INSPECTOR:
I wouldn't be surprised, sir. This is a wealthy neighborhood.
SMITH:
Alright then, that's my number, Mrs. Digby. Keep me informed of any unusual developments, eh?
MRS. DIGBY:
I will that, sir.
PENDER:
There he is, officer! There he is! That's the man alright!
INSPECTOR:
What man's that, sir?
SMITH:
Well, well, well, hello! We meet again!
PENDER:
Y-Yes. I-I rather imagined we would.
SMITH:
Did you know the old gentleman, Mr. Skimmings?
PENDER:
Only to speak to on the street.
SMITH:
Oh, then you live near here?
PENDER:
Oh yes. Fourth house down. I'm just going back.
SMITH:
Mind if I walk along?
PENDER:
Oh no of course not.
SMITH:
Odd our meeting again like this, isn't it?
PENDER:
Most peculiar. (FOOTSTEPS) Eh, do you live in these parts too?
SMITH:
Here? (LAUGHS) Oh no. I was only here on a little matter of business.
PENDER:
Matter of b--uh, yes. Last time we met, you (CHUCKLES) had...business...at Rugby.
SMITH:
Oh yes! So I had! Well, my business takes me all over the country. I never know where I may be wanted next. (LAUGHS)
PENDER:
It was while you were at Rugby that (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) silly old Brittleseed was found dead in his bath, wasn't it?
SMITH:
Why yes! Yes, a funny thing: coincidence. He left all his money to his wife, I believe. She's a rich woman now. Good looking girl, a lot younger than you are.
PENDER:
This is my gate.
SMITH:
Oh. Already?
PENDER:
Will you, uh, will you come in and have a drink?
SMITH:
Why yes! I should like to, thanks very much. (GATE OPENS) I trust your wife won't object to this intrusion?
PENDER:
I-I have no wife.
SMITH:
Ahh bachelor's quarters. (LAUGHS)
(DOOR OPENS)
PENDER:
Yes. I do myself quite well under the circumstances.
SMITH:
Oh, you're right! This is capital!
PENDER:
Would you give me your hat?
SMITH:
Oh thank you.
PENDER:
I think my manners got off to bed but I dare say I think we can manage. (FOOTSTEPS) This way please.
SMITH:
Ooh, that pie looks good.
PENDER:
Do you take soda?
SMITH:
Yes, yes.
(GLASSES CLINK)
PENDER:
It is remarkable how many people have been found dead in their baths lately, isn't it?
SMITH:
You think it's remarkable, do you?
PENDER:
Well I suppose--
SMITH:
No, no, perhaps it is.
PENDER:
I suppose I've been taking more notice on account of that conversation we had on the train.
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) You know it is a curious thing how--when once your attention is attracted to any particular set of circumstances that THAT set of circumstances seems to haunt you?
PENDER:
True.
SMITH:
Now, let's say you get appendicitis: immediately the newspapers are filled with paragraphs about people who died of or recovered from appendicitis.
PENDER:
True.
SMITH:
You see it mentioned in all the magazines. You'll discover that many of your friends and acquaintances have had appendicitis. The thing seems rather to pursue though--
PENDER:
Yes, yes, that's exactly how it is. And all these bathtub deaths, the sequence of events is the same in each case. The hot bath, the discovery of the body, the inquest, and the medical opinion always the same: due to heart failure following immersion in hot water.
SMITH:
Yes.
PENDER:
It just makes me wonder. You know how one does, foolishly.
(SMITH LAUGHS)
PENDER:
Whether anybody else had happened to hit upon that drug you mentioned? Wh-Wh-Wh-What was it?
SMITH:
Oh I shouldn't think so. I fancy I'm the only person that knows about that. (LAUGHS)
PENDER:
You a chemist?
SMITH:
Oh, I'm a little of everything. Sort of a general utility man. I do a good bit of studying on my own too. I see you have some very interesting books here.
PENDER:
Yes, I collect modern first-editions.
SMITH:
May I see that green volume there?
PENDER:
Oh certainly.
SMITH:
Ah.
PENDER:
I'll fetch it down for you. Sir Henry James. It's quite a bargain, really. I--Here we are.
SMITH:
Oh thank you. Oh, yes yes, an interesting hobby. E. Pender. Is that your name? Pender?
PENDER:
Yes. Everett Pender.
SMITH:
Mm.
PENDER:
You have the advantage of me now, sir.
SMITH:
Oh-oh, well I'm one of the great Smith clan.
(CHUCKLES)
SMITH:
And work for my brain. (CHUCKLES) Here's your drink. uh, you're retired, I suppose?
PENDER:
Thank you. Yes, uh, only recently. I was in a bank until I came into this bit of money.
SMITH:
Well, you're one of the lucky ones. Not married, comfortably fixed. Yes, I dare say, you won't be needing any sulfate of thani--
PENDER:
Hm?
SMITH:
What? Uh-(CHUCKLES) Any useful drugs in the near future.(BOTH CHUCKLE)
PENDER:
I shan't be coming to you for assistance, yet awhile. Besides, how should I find you if I wanted you?
SMITH:
Oh, you wouldn't need to find me. I should find you.
PENDER:
Yes.
SMITH:
Never any difficulty about that. Well, I best be getting on. No, no, don't get up. I'll find my hat. Thank you for your hospitality. I don't expect we shall meet again but we may, of course.
PENDER:
Yes.
SMITH:
Things work out so queerly sometimes.
PENDER:
Yes, yes they do, don't they? Well, good night, Mr. Smith.
SMITH:
Good night. (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
(FOOTSTEPS)
CHARLES:
I beg pardon, sir.
PENDER:
Oh, hello Charles. I thought you had gone to bed.
CHARLES:
I heard voices. Thought you might be wanting something.
PENDER:
Oh, that was just an acquaintance that stopped in for a drink. He's gone.
CHARLES:
Shall I take the glasses?
PENDER:
Yes, thank you.
CHARLES:
Do you wish to finish yours, sir?
(PAUSE)
CHARLES:
Mr. Pender. Your drink, sir. Do you wish to finish it?
PENDER:
Oh, yes, of course. Thought I had. There you are.
CHARLES:
I'll draw your bath when you're ready for it, sir.
PENDER:
Oh, there's no hurry. Uh, tell me Charles--did you ever notice a tall chap with very thick spectacles and curly gray hair calling on Mrs. Digby?
CHARLES:
Why, uh, yes, sir come to think of it. I have, sir. But then he always seems to be about when there's a death in the neighborhood. Uh-uh, lately, that is.
PENDER:
Did you ever talk with him, Charles?
CHARLES:
Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-why not to mention it, sir.
PENDER:
You DID talk to him, Charles! Why are you so upset?
CHARLES:
Well, sir, it was about Mr. Skimmings changing his will in favor of Mrs. Digby. The gray-haired gentleman, uh Smith, I believe his name is, asked whether you had changed your will lately.
PENDER:
Did you tell him I'd left everything to you?
CHARLES:
Not in so many words, sir.
PENDER:
But you gave it away! Ah. Ahh. So that's his game. (HICCUPS) Oh!
CHARLES:
Good Lord in heaven! What is it, sir?
PENDER:
That drink! He poured it! While I was getting a book down from the case!
CHARLES:
What is it, sir?
PENDER:
Charles! Under NO circumstances am I to have a hot bath! For at least 2 weeks! Do you understand? No hot baths!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
CHARLES:
Very well, sir.
PENDER:
Charles? Uh, in the paper, has anyone else died in his bath?
CHARLES:
Why, as it happens, yes sir. You heard it yourself. The inquest will be held tomorrow at 3.
PENDER:
The inquest? Ah, the inquest. Yes, Charles. I know what my duty is. I shall be at that inquest tomorrow.
(SUSPENSEFUL TRANSITION)
(DOOR OPENS)
CHARLES:
Good afternoon, sir.
PENDER:
Hello, Charles.
CHARLES:
I was not expecting you home for a bit, sir. (CLOCK CHIMES) You didn't stay long at the inquest.
PENDER:
I wasn't interested in inquests, Charles. I went to the inquest only to see if a certain man would be there and he was there, Charles. He was there, as I expected.
CHARLES:
Yes, sir. The afternoon paper has come. There's still another of those bath deaths.
PENDER:
ANOTHER?! Yes! Yes! They will go on and on unless someone stops them. Charles, where was this one?
CHARLES:
Longstone Place, sir. A young woman this time. A most--
PENDER:
I'm going out again, Charles. I have some business to attend to!
(MUSIC LINGERS IN BACKGROUND)
PENDER:
Over in Longstone Place, as a matter of fact. Goodbye!
(MUSIC COMES UP, TRANSITIONS)
(SOUND OF DOOR OPENING WITH BELL RINGING)
SHOPKEEPER:
Yes sir? What can I do for you, sir?
PENDER:
Do you have uh, one of those old-fashioned sandbags?
SHOPKEEPER:
Sandbag, sir?
PENDER:
Er, the kind one uses to keep drafts from coming in under a door.
SHOPKEEPER:
Ah. Yes I think I have one left. (FOOTSTEPS) Ah yes. Here we are, sir. Not much demand for these nowadays.
PENDER:
No, I suppose not.
SHOPKEEPER:
(CHUCKLES) Now careful if you use it on a stair landing, sir. You know, one of these fell and hit a woman on the head, a case I know. Knocked her out cold.
PENDER:
You don't say? Really? Well, I'll be very careful. Yes, very careful.
(MUSIC COMES UP SHARPLY, TRANSITIONS)
(SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS)
SMITH:
Hellooo!! Bobbie, have you got a light there?
BOBBIE:
Yes sir. Here you are, sir.
SMITH:
Well, would you like a cigar to smoke later on?
BOBBIE:
Thank you, sir. By the way, sir, there's an bloke following you. I don't know whether you noticed--
SMITH:
Yes, I noticed. Let him alone, bobbie. I'm going to have some sport with him.
BOBBIE:
Right you are, sir. Goodnight.
SMITH:
Goodnight.
(FOOTSTEPS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC COMES UP IN BACKGROUND)
(FOOTSTEPS INCREASING SPEED, MUSIC COMES UP SHARPLY THEN ABRUPTLY STOPS)
SMITH:
Hello, Pender! Come on out from behind that post. I know you're following me. I've known it ever since I left Longstone Place.
PENDER:
You should have told that bobbie to arrest me!
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) Now, why should I?
PENDER:
Because I am going to kill you!
SMITH:
Why ever do you want to do a thing like that?
PENDER:
To put an end to one of the most fiendish careers in the annals of crime! You've committed your last murder, Mr. Smith!
SMITH:
(LAUGHS) Now come, come! Look here, old boy, my name's not Smith at all. I'm William Buckley and I--
PENDER:
I didn't imagine it was really Smith.
BUCKLEY:
Do-Do you actually belive that I'm responsible for all these bathtub deaths?
PENDER:
Do you deny that you are?
BUCKLEY:
Uh--why should I?
PENDER:
You told me yourself you're the only man who knows the formula for the poison.
BUCKLEY:
(LAUGHS) Sulfate of thanitol? (LAUGHS) Oh yes indeed. You have me there, Pender.
PENDER:
And you stood to profit by every one of those deaths, didn't you, Mr. Buckley?
BUCKLEY:
You have me there, too. (LAUGHS) Now, look here, Pender, you're a great reader of crime stories. Haven't you ever wished someone would commit the perfect crime and get away with it just once?
PENDER:
Yes! I have! God help me! I don't anymore!
BUCKLEY:
(LAUGHING)
PENDER:
I saw old Skimmings dead in his bath. Blue and horrible. The man who committed that outrage must die!
BUCKLEY:
Now, Pender, wait--
PENDER:
You, Buckley! You, Buckley!
BUCKLEY:
P-Pender! You're mad!
PENDER:
You must DIE!
BUCKLEY:
No! No! Wait! (GROANS) (FALLS)
PENDER:
Oohh...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC COMES UP)
(SOUNDS OF GLASSES CLINKLING, PEOPLE TALKING)
BARMAID:
Well, Mr. Pender!
PENDER:
A-A double uh..
BARMAID:
What'll you have, sir?
PENDER:
A double brandy, if you please, miss.
BARMAID:
You're wearing off a cold, eh? You don't look at all well, if I may say so, sir.
PENDER:
No.
BARMAID:
Ought to be home in bed, you had.
PENDER:
I dare say, miss.
PATRON 1:
You got a coin for the phone, Gibbons?
BARMAID:
Right away, sir.
PATRON 2:
What's up, Charles?
PATRON 1:
Promise not to beat me to the phone and I'll tell you.
PATRON 2:
(CHUCKLES) If it's interesting like murder, my paper wouldn't print it anyway. Come on. Tell me. What is it?
PATRON 1:
Bill Buckley of all people.
PATRON 2:
What?
PATRON 1:
Yes, he'd gone to an inquest. Some woman died in her bath. Buckley must have been on his way to interview the husband in his laboratory. 'Twas a rough district close to the river. Somebody crept up on him and gave him such a blow it broke his neck.
PATRON 2:
Good lord!
PATRON 1:
Police say it must have been a sandbag.
PATRON 2:
Well, who did it? Do they know?
PATRON 1:
Haven't the vaguest notion. Got clean away in the fog.
PATRON 2:
That's too bad. Bill Buckley was a great crime reporter.
PATRON 1:
Yeah, he was a decent sort, too. Yes, I worked with him for a time. Great sport no end of a leg pull.
PATRON 2:
(CHUCKLES) I know.
PATRON 1:
Did you ever hear of that "sulfate of thanitol" stunt he used to work?
PATRON 2:
No. What was that?
PATRON 1:
Look at you sober as a judge, he would. And then tell you about this "sulfate of thanitol" which--
PENDER:
(MUMBLING) Sulfate of thanitol...
PATRON 1:
--mixed with a few other things, he said, would cause death if you--
PENDER:
Oh...
PATRON 1:--swallowed it and then took a hot bath.
PENDER:
No...
PATRON 2:
Nobody believed him, did they?
PATRON 1:
Oh yes!
PENDER:
Oh no!
PATRON 1:
Yes, he used to work on that wheeze on poor folks--
PENDER:
OH NO!
PATRON 1:
--in rideaway carriages to see how they'd take it.
PENDER:
OH NO!
PATRON 1:
Would you believe that one chap actually--
BARMAID:
Oh! Mr. Pender!
PENDER:
Ohh...(SOFT THUD)
PATRON 2:
Hello, that bloke's fainted!
(SHARP DRAMATIC MUSIC, TRANSITIONS)
(CLOCK CHIMING)
PATRON 1:
How's the old boy feeling now, Charles?
CHARLES:
Much better, sir. He caught a bit of a chill out in the fog, I think. I put him to soak in a hot bath.
PATRON 2:
Ahh, that ought to do the trick. Well, if there's nothing more we can do--(FOOTSTEPS)
CHARLES:
Mr. Pender wants me to thank you for bringing him home, gentlemen.
PATRON 1:
Oh, it was nothing, really. Well, good night. (FOOTSTEPS)
CHARLES:
Good night, gentlemen. (DOOR CLOSES)
(FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS)
CHARLES:
Is your bath hot enough, sir?
(SOUNDS OF GASPING) (MUSICAL ACCENT IN BACKGROUND)
CHARLES:
Mr. Pender? Mr. Pender?!
(GASPING CONTINUES)
PENDER:
(GASPING) I found out the name of that drug, Charles. Sul-sulfate of-thanitol! (SPLASHING SOUNDS
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SPLASHING AND PENDER YELLS)
CHARLES:
Oh, sir! Mr. Pender! Mr. Pender! You're--he's--DEAD!!
(MUSIC COMES UP AND FINISHES IN BACKGROUND)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
And so closes "The Man Who Knew How" starring Charles Laughton. Appearing with Mr. Laughton was Hans Conried as Buckley in tonight's tale of
(SHARP ACCENT)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
SUSPENSE!
(MUSIC)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
Suspense is produced and directed by William Spier.
NARRATOR:
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THE MAN IN BLACK:
Next Thursday, same time, you will hear Miss Agnes Moorehead and Mr. Ray Collins as stars. They will be heard in "The Diary of Sophronia Winters" by the distinguished radio playwright, Lucille Fletcher. Don't forget to listen next Thursday to..
(SHARP ACCENT)
THE MAN IN BLACK:
SUSPENSE!