Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (GO BACK) (Downloadable Text File)

Series: Fibber McGee and Molly
Show: Fibber Snoops for Presents in Closet
Date: Dec 19 1944

by Don Quinn & Phil Leslie

Jim Jordan's script and Transcription of the broadcast, adapted for Seniors Acting Up by Dick Huitema

Cast (3F4M):

Fibber
Molly
Wilcox
Alice
Doc
Tee
Announcer (1 line)
Orchestra
King's Men quartet

WILCOX:

THE JOHNSON WAX PROGRAM, WITH FIBBER MCGEE AND MOLLY!

MFX 1:

THEME...FADE FOR:

WILCOX:

The makers of Johnson's Wax for home and industry present Fibber McGee and Molly, written by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, with music by the King's Men and Billy Mills' Orchestra.

MFX 2:

"MAKE WAY FOR TOMORROW" ... FADE FOR OPENING COMMERCIAL:

WILCOX: The holiday season is a time when you want your home as bright and cheerful as you can make it. If your floors, furniture and woodwork have been waxed regularly with JOHNSON'S WAX, then it's a very easy matter to put on the finishing touches and have that richly polished kind of home that everyone admires. There are many accessories from one end of the house to the other that you can protect and beautify with JOHNSON'S WAX: Your window sills, for example ? picture frames, ornaments, lampshades, Venetian blinds, refrigerator. When you go over your house tomorrow, try out several of these extra uses for JOHNSON'S WAX.

MFX 3:

SWELL MUSIC TO FINISH

APPLAUSE


WILCOX:

THREE OF THE MOST CURIOUS THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE THE GYROSCOPE, THE PYRAMIDS, AND THE SQUIRE OF 79 WISTFUL VISTA. AND IF YOU DON'T THINK HE'S CURIOUS, GET A LOAD OF HIM SNEAKING A PEEK INTO THE HALL CLOSET, AS WE JOIN?

- - - - FIBBER MCGEE AND MOLLY!

APPLAUSE

SFX:

RUSTLING OF PACKAGES

FIB:

Boyohboyohboyohboy. . . look at all these Christmas presents! "From Molly to Fibber, with Love" "To Fibber from Molly, with best wishes" "To the best husband a woman ever had". . . I wonder who that's for?

I thought I was the only husband she ever . . . . . oh well. OH OH! An envelope . . . "DO NOT OPEN BEFORE CHRISTMAS!" Hm, looks like it might be a War Bond . . . Hmmm . . . flap isn't sealed very tight, either. If somebody's thumb ever got caught in there, it'd flip open like a . . .

SFX:

ENVELOPE OPENS

FIB:

OH MY GOODNESS . . . IT DID IT!! Maybe she didn't even mean to seal it . . . and if it ain't sealed, I suppose it's okay to read it . . .

SFX:

RUSTLE OF PAPER

FIB:

(READS) "To my dear Husband! Get out of this hall closet and stop snooping!" WELL I LIKE THAT! To think she'd think I'd think of stooping to snoop when -

MOL:

(OFF MIKE) OH MCGEE . . . MCGEE WHERE ARE YOU?

FIB:

oh oh . . . caught in the act . . . I better put this stuff back fast!

SFX:

TUMBLING PACKAGES. THEN at [X]: BOX SET DOWN, AT [Y]: ANOTHER BOX SET DOWN

FIB:

Hmm, this must be the new belt I been hinting for . . [X] and I hope this is a fountain pen ... [Y] and if this ain't a sweater, I'll --

MOL:

(NEARER) MCGEE... WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

FIB:

(YELLS) TRYIN' TO GET THE DOOR CLOSED ON THE HALL CLOSET, MOLLY ... IT'S SO FULL OF STUFF IT SPRUNG OPEN . . . A-HAA . . . I GOT IT!

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

FIB:

(TO HIMSELF) That was quick thinkin', McGee, old man. If she'd ever caught you ?

SFX:

DOOR OPEN: CLOSET EFFECT: BELL TINKLE

FIB:

Dadratit. I gotta straighten out that closet right after Christmas!

MOL:

(FADE IN) McGee . . . what-goes on here? I told you to stay away from that hall closet! You're much too snoopyi

FIB:

(INDIGNANT) WHY, MOLLY! DO YOU MEAN TO STAND THERE IN ONE OF THE BEST-LOOKIN' HOUSE DRESSES I EVER SAW, AND ACCUSE YOUR OWN HUSBAND BY MARRIAGE OF SNOOPING?

MOL:

(LAUGHS) Dearie, you can pump up more phone indignation than Donald Duck! Now get all that stuff back in the closet. No, you'd better let me do it.

FIB:

Something in there you don't want me to see, baby?

MOL:

Well, if there was, and I didn't, and you already had, what's the difference?

FIB:

I DIDN'T UNWRAP A THING! I NEVER EVEN SHOOK ANYTHING. Only thing that even aroused my curiosity is that big white package with the blue ribbon on it.

MOL:

I don't remember any big white package with any blue rib - - MCGEE! STOP PEERING OVER MY SHOULDER! Go read the paper.

FIB:

Okay, but Gee Whiz, a guy can't...

SFX:

DOOR OPEN

MOL:

Oh, hollo, Alice.

ALICE:

Hello, Mrs. McGee. Hiya, Mr. McGee.

FIB:

Hi, Alice. What'dj'a do to your hair?

MOL:

She's just wearing it differently, McGee. Himself here is getting very observant with Christinas coming on, Alice. Ordinarily, you could wear your scalp full of neon lights and he'd never notice.

ALICE:

You like my hair with the buns over the ears, Mr. McGee?

FIB:

Yes, I do, kid. I like the buns over the ears much better than that old sweet-roll on top, or that apple strudel you used to have falling down in back.

ALICE:

My hairdresser says they're wearing it this way in Paris now.

MOL:

It's a nice hair-do, Alice. What do they call it?

ALICE:

Herr Hitler. Because it's more trouble than it's worth.

FIB:

(TO SELF) Yes. I think so, too.

MOL:

(LAUGHS UNDER FOLLOWING)

FIB:

(TO ALICE) You got your Christmas counter-crashing all done, Alice?

ALICE:

Creepers, I thought I had, Mr. McGee, but now I'm as confused as a kangaroo at a pickpocket's convention.

MOL:

Why, dear?

ALICE:

Well, I had a terrific billfold for Harold, but I had to change the tag to Ronnie, because I'm giving Ronnie's cufflinks to Rick to take the place of Rick's cigarette lighter because I quick had to give the lighter to Jimmy when he showed up here last night with a simply super pair of ear-rings for me.

FIB:

That is a little complicated, isn't it?

MOL:

That's like the year when McGee gave me nothing but napkins, handkerchiefs, pillow cases and tablecloths for Christmas. He took the laundry list downtown Instead of the shopping list.

FIB:

Well, gee whiz . . .

MOL:

Ya know Alice, we're not doing very much for Christmas this year. The Treasury Department has beat Santa Claus down the chimney.

ALICE:

Well, I told all the boys not to spend their money foolishly on things for me this year. I told 'em all to take whatever money they intended to spend on me and put it in War Bonds.

FIB:

GOOD FOR YOU, ALICE! Use the boys' dough to back up the doughboys.

ALICE:

Uhm... Certainly. Anyway, I'd just as soon they gave me War Bonds as anything else. Well, I've got to get back to the postoffice. Goodbye.

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

FIB:

There's a girl who has her heart in the right place! On her sleeve.

MOL:

Ah, I don't know, she's a lot like I was when I was a girl, McGee. Except that she has twenty boy friends and I just had you.

FIB:

That wasn't because you wore unpopular, Snookey. That was because there was an ugly rumor around Peoria that McGee had put a bear trap in Molly Driscoll's porch swing.

MOL:

That was more than a rumor, sweetheart. For 15 years after that, my father never sat down without first slapping the chair with his cane. Now listen, go away, while I get this stuff back in the closet.

FIB:

How about that white package with the blue ribbon?

MOL:

McGee, I swear I know absolutely nothing about it.

FIB:

(LAUGHS) You wouldn't kid me, would you? After all, when mysterious packages are hid away in a clos - -

SFX:

SHARP SNAP

MOL:

Heavenly days . . . what was that?

FIB:

My belt. It busted. Remember how I been telling you my belt was on its last legs?

K0L:

It's a funny place to wear a belt, but I do remember your mentioning it. Several times.

FIB:

Looked awful, too. Supposed to have been genuine calf, but I'll bet a cookie its mother was a paper mill. Doggone it, my last belt, tool Oh well, I can wear a necktie around my waist till I can get downtown and buy a new one.

MOL:

ALL RIGHT, DEARIE. ALL RIGHT. You win. Here ...open this package.

FIB:

Why this is a Christmas package! Gee, I shouldn't open this till Christmas . . .

MOL:

Open it.

FIB:

Well . . . okay,

SFX:

TEARING WRAPPINGS

FIB:

WELL WHADDYA KNOW!!!! A NEW BELT!! WELL, I'LL BE A MONKEY'S UNCLE IF THIS ISN'T A CO-INCIDENCE!

MOL:

Remember me to your nephew.

FIB:

GEE . . . AN' WITH MY INITIALS ON THE BUCKLE!!! Oh this is a beauty. Molly. Thanks ever so much!

MOL:

Don't mention it, and Merry Christmas, First installment.

FIB:

My gosh . . . .this is really unexpected!!

MOL:

Well it shouldn't be. Heh! The way you've been talking about a new belt the past few weeks, you should have taken out a hinting license!

FIB:

Here, throw this old one away will you?

MOL:

All right. I'll put it in the . . . (PAUSE) Why this is strange. It looks like it had been cut half way through!

FIB:

Oh... Well, I've had a very sharp appetite lately and my waist was probably - -

SFX:

DOOR CHIME

MOL:

Come in.

SFX:

DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE AT [X]

DOC:

Hello, Molly. [X] Hello, Gary.

MOL:

Hello, Doctor Gamble.

FIB:

Hiyah you big front man for the stork club. And why call me Gary? You finally agree with me that I look like Cooper?

DOC:

No, that's just my abbreviation for "garrulous."

MOL:

Why Doctor, McGee is not garrulous.

FIB:

I should say not! I haven't been out with a garrul since I married Molly.

DOC:

Yes I know. You two are the living exhibit "A" for the scientific theory of the attraction of opposites. Molly is so good-looking and sweet and quiet.

FIB:

And I'm - - - ?

DOC:

Yes indeed. In spades. (BEAT) SAY, WHAT'S ALL THIS CHRISTMAS STUFF AROUND HERE? YOU BEEN UNWRAPPING A PRESENT MCGEE?

MOL:

He just broke his belt. Doctor. And as long as I was giving him one for Christmas, I thought he might as well have it now.

FIB:

Beauty, ain't it, Doc? Real Pigskin.

DOC:

I shall not descend to any of the obvious retorts, my boy. It is a very handsome hunk of haberdashery. But aren't you a little ashamed of accepting your gifts now? According to my calendar it's several days until Christmas.

MOL:

I was just trying to keep up his spirits - and his pants for the next week, Doctor.

FIB:

What do you use for a calendar, Dos? Cut a notch in a patient for each day of the week?

DOC:

No, no, I just glance in the mirror. If I seem to have aged ten years I know another day has crept by,

MOL:

You ought to go away for a good long rest. Doctor. Someplace where you can't get near a telephone. Like any drug store. (BEAT)

DOC:

Don't think I wouldn't love it, my dear, but I've got to stick around for the Christmas rush.

FIB:

What Christmas rush? You running a black market in pink pills?

DOC:

No. No, but us cowtown Pasteurs expect certain seasonal phenomena about this time of year. Like kids swallowing Christmas tree ornaments - selfish little animals that they are - and ornaments so hard to get. And then, too, digital callosity is almost an annual epidemic.

MOL:

HEAVENLY DAYS...WHAT ON EARTH IS DIGITAL CALLOSITY?

DOC:

Callousses on the fingers. From people rubbing them over greeting cards to see if they're really engraved.

MOL:

Well, it's nice to have you drop in, Doctor. Particularly without McGee starting an argument with you.

FIB:

NOW JUST A DARN MINUTE!! WHOM STARTS ALL THE ARGUING WITH WHOM? DOC ALWAYS STARTS 'EM, NOT ME!

DOC:

OH NOW DON'T GIVE US THAT, LITTLE SIR DECIBEL!! YOU'RE AS BAD-TEMPERED AS A DIME STORE JACK-KNIFE, AND YOU KNOW IT!

FIB:

I DON'T KNOW ANY SUCHA DIRTY THING!! JUST BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS START SNARLING AT ME WITH YOUR BIG FAT TEETH DON'T MEAN I GOT A BAD TEMPER.

DOC:

WHY YOU PERIPATETIC LITTLE BIOLOGICAL ABERRATION, YOU HAVE THE NEUROLOGICAL REACTIONS OF A SCHIZOPHRENIC TROGLODYTE!

(PAUSE)

FIB:

King's X.

MOL:

What do you mean, King's X?

FIB:

Doc don't play fair. I don't what's he's talking about.

DOC:

Well, I'll call it off till I look up some one-syllable words, McGee....

MOL:

(LAUGHS)

DOC:

....Anyway, I've got to got back to my office. It's probably full of expectant fathers.

MOL:

Expectant FATHERS!

DOC:

Yes, they expect me to tell them beforehand whether to have the nursery decorated in pink or blue.

FIB:

Whaddye you tell 'em, Doc?

DOC:

I give 'em an evasive answer. I tell 'em to go fly a pig. Well, Merry Christmas, folks.

MOL:

Thank you Doctor . . same to you!

FIB:

AND A HAPPY HEW YEAR, DOC.

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

MOL:

Isn't he a sweet old character!

FIB:

Yeah . . . great guy. It was a great loss to medicine when he started studying it. What a patient he'd of been!

MOL:

Saay! I wonder if it was he who sent us this big white package with the blue ribbon on it.

FIB:

(LAUGHS) Are you kidding? You don't have to play coy with me, tootsie. I wasn't born yesterday.

MOL:

You might as well have been, you're so changeable. (BEAT) Now if you'll go away someplace while I straighten up this closet - -

FIB:

I'll run over to Kremer's drug store. Gotta buy a new fountain pen.

MOL:

OH NO NO NO, MCGEE . . . DON'T DO THAT!

FIB:

Eh? Why not?

MOL:

Well, I . . . I was . . uh . . WELL WHY DO YOU NEED A NEW FOUNTAIN PEN JUST THIS MINUTE?. . . Can't you use your old one?

FIB:

MY OLD ONE. I only got one.

MOL:

Well I meant . . er . . well what's the matter with it?

FIB:

The point is pigeon-toed. Writes two lines instead of one. . .

MOL:

But maybe you'll - -

FIB:

. . . When I registered with it at a hotel last summer, the clerk looks at my signature and says "YOU GENTLEMEN WANT TWIN BEDS?" You go ahead and fix the closet, kiddo. I'll run over to Kremer's and - -

MOL:

OH DEAR . . . . YOU WIN AGAIN, MCGEE . . . HERE . . . OPEN THIS PACKAGE.

FIB:

(INNOCENTLY) Whaddye mean?

MOL:

Go ahead. Open it.

FIB:

(RELUCTANTLY) Okay.

SFX:

TEARING WRAPPINGS: (PAUSE)

FIB:

WELL I'LL BE A . . . A NEW FOUNTAIN PEN! GEEE, THANKS KID! OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL!

MOL:

Merry Christmas, second installment.

FIB:

BOY, THIS IS A WONDERFUL PEN! JUST THE KIND I WANTED, TOO! AND JUST WHEN I NEEDED IT! WHY, YOU COULD KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER, MOLLY. I NEVER DREAMED YOU'D . . . Hey, whataya lookin' for?

MOL:

A feather.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

WILCOX:

(OVERLAP APPLAUSE) Billy MIlls and "Jingle Bells"

MFX 4:

"JINGLE BELLS" UP BRIEFLY THEN FADE OUT

SFX:

CLATTER OF PACKAGES IN CLOSET

MOL:

Now don't bother me, McGee. I've almost got this closet straightened up again.

FIB:

How about this big white package with the blue ribbon on it? Does it gurgle, or rattle or squeak, or anything?

MOL:

Well, I haven't touched it. Somebody around here has got to keep this curiosity under control and as long as there's only two of us, it looks like I'm elected.

FIB:

Hey, this is a wonderful pen you gave me Molly.

MOL:

You like it dearie?

FIB:

It's marvelous. Only one thing wrong with it that I can see.

MOL:

My goodness! What's that?

FIB:

I just worked a crossword puzzle with it and it don't spell very good.

MOL:

That isn't the pen. That's the ink.

FIB:

Oh. Well I'm really quite gruntled with it.

MOL:

You mean you disgruntled.

FIB:

No, I'm very happy. It's the finest pen I - -

SFX:

DOOR OPEN

WILCOX:

Helloo, friends.

MOL:

Well hello there, Mr. Wilcox.

FIB:

Hiyah, Waxey, old man. How you like the new belt Molly gimme for Christmas?

WILCOX:

It's beautiful. But aren't you folks a little previous with your Christmas presents?

MOL:

Well, he was getting so snoopy, Mr. Wilcox, I just had to give him a belt, one way or another, so I took the easy way,

FIB:

Look, she gimme a fountain pen, too. Ain't that a darb? Writes ten thousands words without filling. Dunno how many it'll write when I fill it. (LAUGHS) GET IT, KIDS? I says it writes ten thous - -

MOL:

TAIN'T FUNNY, MCGEE!

FIB:

Really? I thought it had kind of a funny taint. You like the pen, Junior?

WILCOX:

Very handsome, pal. But you'd better get your name engraved on it. Be a shame to lose a nice pen like that.

MOL:

Well I couldn't get it engraved till after Christmas, Mr. Wilcox. I took it to seven different jewelers, too.

FIB:

Gee, did you really, Molly?

MOL:

Yes and I got quite the inferiority complex, leaning over 80 thousand dollars worth of diamond necklaces, trying to get a three-dollar job of engraving done.


WILCOX:

Well, gee, you should have taken it to my cousin "Big Bill" Wilcox on Oak Street Molly. One of the finest engravers in the country.

FIB:

I thought all the really great engravers were workin' for the Government, Waxey.

WILCOX:

Oh he used to.

MOL:

In Washington?

WILCOX:

No. Leavenworth. That's why they call him Big Bill. He got caught making twenties out of tens.

FIB:

They put him to work makin' little ones out of big ones for makin' big ones outa little ones, eh?

WILCOX:

(LAUGHS) He's a terrific engraver though, he's a . . . WAIT A MINUTE . . . here . . . take a look at this common, ordinary little pin.

MOL:

What about it?

WILCOX:

Look at the head of it.

FIB:

Kinda scratched up isn't it, Junior?

WILCOX:

Ha ha ha. Look at it thru this magnifying glass, which I just happen to have with me.

MOL:

WELL, HEAVENLY DAYS... ISN'T THAT MARVELOUS!

FIB:

Lemme look at it . . . (PAUSE) WELL, I'M A SON OF A GUN! What's it say, Junior . . . can't quite read it without my glasses.

WILCOX:

It says, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SHARP AS A PIN... TO KNOW THAT JOHNSONS SELF-POLISHING GLOCOAT IS THE FINEST BEAUTIFIER AND PROTECTOR OF LINOLEUM."

MOL:

Imagine writing all that on the head of a pin.

WILCOX:

Oh, there's more that that. It says: "IF YOU'RE STUCK WITH FADED, WORN LINOLEUM, BRING IT BACK TO LIFE AND BEAUTY WITH JOHNSON'S GLOCOAT, THE POLISH THAT SHINES AS IT DRIES."

FIB:

My gosh, he IS quite an engraver isn't he, Waxey?

WILCOX:

Well you know, the funny part of it is, it only took him 20 minutes or less to do it. . .

FIB:

Oh that's too much.


WILCOX:

. . . The same length of time it takes for Glocoat to dry to a mirror-like finish on your linoleum. Now, wasn't that a co-incidence?

MOL:

Amazing. Here . . . let me put the pin back in your lapel, Mr. Wilcox, I'm afraid it might get lost and - -

WILCOX:

OUCHI

MOL:

Oh, I'm sorry.

FIB:

(LAUGHS) It's your story. Junior . . . and you got stuck with it.

WILCOX:

Here, let me take your fountain pen, pal. I'll have big Bill engrave it for ya.

MOL:

Thank you, Mr. Wilcox.

FIB:

Thanks, Junior.

WILCOX:

Don't mention it. I'll have it back Friday.

FIB:

OK.

SFX:

(OVERLAPS FIB) DOOR SLAM

FIB:

(CHUCKLES)

MOL:

(OVERLAPS FIB) Ahh, isn't he a sweet old . . . oh no, that's Doctor Gamble.

FIB:

Look Molly, no kidding. That big white package with the blue ribbon on it . . . is that for me?

MOL:

I tell you I don't know a thing about it, McGee.

FIB:

Cross your heart?

MOL:

Cross my heart . . .

FIB:

Well, my gosh, somebody must have . . . HEY . . . MAYBE BEULAH PUT IT THERE . . . OH BEULAH . . . HEY, BEULAH i

SOUND:

DOOR OPEN

BEUL:

You call me, Mista' McGee?

FIB:

Why should I? You never call me Beulah!

MOL:

Mr. McGee wanted to know about this big white package with the blue ribbon on it, Beulah.

FIB:

Did you put it in the closet here, Beulah?

BEUL:

Nossuh. That package is a complete stranger to me.

MOL:

Well, that's strange. Oh well, we'll find out when we open it at Christmas time. Have you got all your shopping done, Beulah?

BEUL:

Yes, ma'am. Prattically. All I got left to git stuff fo' is Papa and Ira.

FIB:

Ira? Who's Ira?

BEUL:

(GIGGLES) He's my one and only, suh. At least he's one of the few and far between. Ira, he's a FBI man.

MOL:

OH HEAVENLY DAYS . . . Federal Bureau of Investigation?

BEUL:

No m'am. Friendly, but Ignorant.

FIB:

What does he do, Beulah?

BEUL:

He's a Insurance man, suh. Yassuh, he specialize in life insurance wif double indignity.

MOL:

Indemnity.

BEUL:

Yes'm. Only he may have to give it up, on account of a greetin' card he got this mornin'.

FIB:

ON ACCOUNT OF A GREETING CARD I

BEUL:

Yassuh, It say "FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES -GREETINGS I"

MOL:

What's his present status, Beulah.

BEUL:

Five foot nine and a half in his socks, ma'am.

FIB:

(laughing) Oh no. No . . . how is he classified now?

BEUL:

I'd classify him as ready and willin', suh. Though he sufferin' wif flat feet an' astigmatiz.

MOL:

TISM.

BEUL:

Oh yes tis, ma'am. He so short sighted he don' know his bes' friend across a taffy pull.

FIB:

Well, they don't pull taffy in the army anyway, Beulah. He'll be okay if he can see well enough to pull a sergeant's leg.

BEUL:

Yassuh. . . (LAUGHS HEARTILY) LOVE THAT MAN I

SOUND:

DOOR SLAM

FIB:

Hey Molly. I think we oughtta open up that package. I think it musta been delivered by mistake.

MOL:

Well, it might have been at that, McGee. There's no tag on it or anything.

FIB:

Think we oughtta?

MOL:

Wel- l- l . . I don't . . .

FIB:

YES I THINK WE OUGHTTA! ONE SIDE, BABY. I'LL SOON SOLVE THIS MYSTERY. . .

MOL:

Wel-l-l, if you really - -

SFX:

TEARING PAPER

FIB:

(OVERLAPS SFX ) (MUMBLES)

MOL:

HEAVENLY DAYS...IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NEGLIGEE!

FIB:

A negli- - OHHH MY GOSH! ....

MOL:

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

FIB:

.....OH GEE WHIZZ! OH GOLLY! OH MY! THAT WAS MY PRESENT FOR YOU, BABY. BOUGHT IT A MONTH AGO AND FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT! - - IF I AIN'T THE DUMBEST BUNNY THAT EVER - -

MOL:

Oh now, McGee . . . I think it's lovely! AND JUST WHAT I WANTED! IT'S THE MOST - -

SFX:

DOOR CHIME

FIB:

Oh, now who - COME IN!

SFX:

DOOR OPEN

TEE:

Hi Mister. We're all ready.

FIB:

READY? WHO'S ALL READY FOR WHAT?

TEE:

Kenny and Johnny and Buddy and Raddy . . . and me. We're all ready to sing. COME ON IN, KIDS I

SFX:

TRAMPING FEET ENTER

KING'S MEN:

(AS THE FOUR BOYS) ("HI" "GREETINGS" "HEY" etc.))

FIB:

Folks, three years ago, Ken Darby of our King's Men wrote for our Christmas show an original musical setting for the poem "Tis the Nite Before Christmas." Everyone seemed to like it so well that we've been asked to do it every Christmas since. And we're glad to do it again tonight.

TEE:

OK, Mr. McGee. Go on. Sit down now. You and Mrs McGee sit in a circle. You sit at the piano, Kenny. Ready everybody? A ONE - AND A TWO - AND A THREE...

TEENY &

KING'S MEN:

"TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS"

FIB:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, - TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO, A STAR SHONE OVER BETHLEHEM, TO LIGHT THE WAY TO PEACE AND GOOD WILL ON EARTH. TONIGHT THAT STAR IS REFLECTED IN THE WINDOWS OF MILLIONS OF YOUR HOMES.

MOL:

SO OUR CHRISTMAS WISH TO ALL OF YOU IS THAT THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE GONE OUT TO FULFILL THE PROMISE OF THAT SYMBOL MAY SOON RETURN - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

FIB:

Goodnight!

MOL:

Goodnight, all!

MFX 5:

ORCH AND KING'S MEN: . . . (REPRISE)

ANNCR:

(ON CUE) THIS IS THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.

MFX 6:

(CHIMES)