Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Ellery Queen
Show: The Circus Train
Date: Mar 25 1943

The Detective Team
ELLERY QUEEN, amateur detective
NIKKI PORTER, his secretary
INSPECTOR QUEEN, his father, of the NYPD
SERGEANT VELIE, the Inspector's subordinate

The Circus Train Team
MARK MARCO, elderly circus owner
JOHN BRADY, his business manager
GOLIATH, the giant
CAPTAIN PINKY, the midget
MADAME ZARA, the fortune teller
STATIONMASTER
EDWARD, the porter
CONDUCTOR

The Bromo-Seltzer Team
ANNOUNCER
MRS. NEELY JARVEY, of Lakewood, Ohio
THE TALKING BROMO-SELTZER TRAIN, the one and only educated train known to man
2ND ANNOUNCER
NBC ANNOUNCER

MFX:

FOR AN INTRO, THEN UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

Bromo-Seltzer presents -- The Adventures of Ellery Queen!

MFX:

THEME, THEN UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

Tonight, the makers of Bromo-Seltzer bring you another thrilling adventure with Ellery Queen, the celebrated gentlemen detective, in person. Ellery Queen again gives you a chance to match wits with him as he relates another story of a crime he alone unravels. Then, at the point where he was able to solve the mystery, he stops the play -- gives you a chance to guess the criminal's name.

In the studio tonight, we have as our guests Mr. George R. Crowley, Superintendent of the New York,  New Haven and Hartford Railroad Police Force and Mr. F. Beverley Kelley, director of radio publicity for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Combined Shows. Mr. Crowley and Mr. Kelley have accepted Ellery Queen's challenge to solve the mystery before the solution is revealed.

[Normally at this time, we would introduce our invited studio armchair detectives. Tonight, you are all invited to be armchair detectives. So listen carefully, for at the end of the program, you will be invited to solve the mystery.]

MFX:

GENTLY OUT

ANNOUNCER:

And now, Ellery Queen, master detective and your host for the next half hour.

ELLERY:

Good evening. In tonight's story, we run across one of the boldest and most dastardly murders in our memory -- a murder on a speeding train. And among our suspects are included a giant, a midget, and a fortune teller. I call it ...

MFX:

STING, CONTINUES UNDER

ELLERY:

... The Adventure of the Circus Train!

MFX:

STING, THEN TRANSITION TO

SFX:

TRAIN STATION BACKGROUND ... FOOTSTEPS

VELIE:

I'm sure glad this Chicago case is wrapped up, Inspector.

INSPECTOR:

Yes, Velie, it'll be good to get back to New York. Ellery, got our tickets?

ELLERY:

Yes, Dad.

NIKKI:

Ever know Ellery to forget anything?

INSPECTOR:

(SHORT LAUGH)

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS OUT

ELLERY:

Here's our pullman. Ah, who's this?

STATIONMASTER:

I'm the Stationmaster. May I see your tickets?

ELLERY:

Well, what's wrong?

VELIE:

What's up?

STATIONMASTER:

Sorry, Mr. Queen. The army's requisitioned all available space on this train. Your reservations are canceled.

BIZ:

VELIE AND INSPECTOR MURMUR AN UNHAPPY REACTION

NIKKI:

Oh, dear.

ELLERY:

How about the next train, Stationmaster?

STATIONMASTER:

Well, the earliest accommodations available are on the special section of the eleven fifty-nine tonight, Mr. Queen. It has three compartments left.

INSPECTOR:

We'll take 'em.

STATIONMASTER:

I'd better tell you about it first, sir. That section's carrying Marco's Mammoth Show, the midwest circus outfit.

INSPECTOR:

Oh, that ought to be fun.

NIKKI:

You mean, we have to travel with tigers and elephants and get sawdust in our hair?

STATIONMASTER:

(CHUCKLES) Not quite, miss. Your accommodations would be in the end car. It's an old compartment car with a small lounge and bar at the rear. Mr. Marco himself travels in that car and his business manager, John Brady.

ELLERY:

Well, we certainly don't object to traveling with Mr.
Marco and Mr. Brady, Stationmaster.

STATIONMASTER:

Ah, but they're not the only ones in that car, sir.

VELIE:

Look, if I gotta double up with a talkin' snake, I'll walk to New York.

INSPECTOR:

(LAUGHS) Who are the others?

STATIONMASTER:

Well, there's Goliath. He's eight foot tall.

NIKKI:

Goliath? The circus giant?

STATIONMASTER:

Yes, miss. Then there's Captain Pinky; he's a midget. And Madame Zara; she's the circus fortune teller. They're nice folks -- been with Marco's circus a long time -- but I thought I'd tell ya.

INSPECTOR:

Ellery, ever since I was a kid I've had a yen to travel with the circus. What d'you say?

ELLERY:

(CHUCKLES) Well, we don't mind one bit, Stationmaster.

STATIONMASTER: Okay, Mr. Queen. I'll fix it. Heh, heh. Ought to be an interestin' trip.

SFX:

OUT

MFX:

BRIDGE

VELIE:

Boy, this is solid comfort.

NIKKI:

My, this lounge back here's awfully cozy, Ellery.

ELLERY:

Yes. We should be pulling out soon, Nikki.

INSPECTOR:

Mr. Marco, I hope we're not putting you out in any way.

MARCO:

Oh, can't expect normal conditions in wartime, Inspector. (CALLS) Edward?!

EDWARD:

Yes, sir?

MARCO:

Edward, set 'em up.

EDWARD:

Yes, sir.

MARCO:

We're having a little celebration, folks.

VELIE:

Oh, in that case, maybe we oughta get out of the lounge and go to our compartments, Mr. Marco.

ELLERY:

Yes, we don't want to spoil any plans you have.

MARCO:

No, I won't hear of it. Be mighty proud if you'd all join me, in fact.

INSPECTOR: Well, if you insist.

BIZ:

NIKKI, VELIE AND ELLERY MURMUR AN AGREEABLE REACTION

MARCO:

Oh, John?

BRADY:

Yes?

MARCO:

Say-- (CHUCKLES) Did you tell 'em all about it?

BRADY:

Oh, I left the tellin' to you, Mark.

MARCO:

Uh, folks, meet John Brady, my business manager.

BRADY:

Howdy, folks.

BIZ:

ELLERY, NIKKI, VELIE AND INSPECTOR MURMUR GREETINGS

MARCO:

And this is Long Joe Stebbins, professionally known as Mr. Goliath.

GOLIATH:

(FRIENDLY) Hello!

BIZ:

NIKKI, VELIE AND INSPECTOR MURMUR GREETINGS

ELLERY:

How are you, Mr. Goliath?

MARCO:

Uh, Madame Zara, the smartest crystal gazer under the big top.

ZARA:

(COOL, CULTURED) How do you do?

BIZ:

ELLERY, NIKKI, VELIE AND INSPECTOR MURMUR GREETINGS

MARCO:

And, uh, Captain Pinky. Forty-four years old and you can put him in your vest pocket. (CHUCKLES)

PINKY:

Any friend of Mark Marco's is a friend of mine!

BIZ:

AGREEABLE TALKING AND LAUGHING BY ALL ... CONTINUES UNDER

SFX:

GLASSES CLINKING

MARCO:

Edward, Edward, pass out the flowing bowl, pass it around. That's it.

BIZ:

AGREEABLE TALKING AND LAUGHING ... FILLS A PAUSE, THEN SUBSIDES UNDER NEXT LINE

MARCO:

Thank you, Edward. Well, you three must be wondering what this is all about.

BIZ:

PINKY, GOLIATH AND ZARA MURMUR AGREEMENT ("Yes," "Yeah," "We are.")

MARCO:

As you know, I've been in show business over fifty years. Well, Mark Marco's gettin' too old to run a circus.

BIZ: PINKY, GOLIATH AND ZARA MURMUR DISAGREEMENT ("Oh, no.")

MARCO: Oh, I know, I know. But I am. Needs younger blood. So I've just sold Marco's Mammoth Show to John Brady, here.

BIZ:

PINKY, GOLIATH AND ZARA MURMUR DISBELIEF

BRADY:

Yeah, it's a fact.

MARCO:

Well, John, here's your bill of sale. Whole works -- signed, sealed and delivered.

BRADY:

Well, thanks, Mark. And, uh, here's my advance payment in cash -- thirty thousand dollars!

BIZ:

ALL REACT

PINKY:

By thunder, Goliath! Will you look at that? Three ten-thousand dollar bills!

GOLIATH:

I ain't never seen so much money, Captain Pinky.

ZARA:

Money means trouble. I smell trouble.

MARCO:

Heh, heh. I smell an Indiana farm and rest for my old bones, Zara.

CONDUCTOR: (OFF) Boooard!

SFX:

BELL, TRAIN PULLS OUT OF STATION DURING FOLLOWING

MARCO:

Well, folks. Drink up, drink up.

INSPECTOR:

To your good health, Mr. Marco.

MARCO:

Ah, thank you!

SFX:

GLASSES CLINKING

ELLERY:

One minute to midnight and we're leaving on the dot.

BRADY:

How about a song for Mr. Marco?!

BIZ: ALL SING "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW" ... FADES FOR

MFX:

BRIDGE ... TRAVELING MUSIC

SFX:

TRAIN RUMBLES DOWN TRACK ... WHISTLE BLOWS ... CROSSING BELLS RING... RUMBLE CONTINUES UNDER

VELIE:

Well, it's gettin' pretty late, Maestro. (YAWNS) How's about we hit the haysy-waysy?

ELLERY:

I suppose we may as well, Sergeant.

INSPECTOR:

What's bothering you, Ellery? Why'd you want to come out here on the front platform of the car?

ELLERY:

To clear my head, Dad. There was an atmosphere in the lounge I didn't like.

VELIE:

You mean them expressions of gimme-gimme on the faces of the giant, the midget and Madame Zara?

INSPECTOR:

Oh, that's only natural, son. These circus people don't see ten-thousand dollar bills every day.

VELIE:

Not only circus people.

EDWARD:

(FADES IN, AGITATED) Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

INSPECTOR:

What's the matter, Porter?

EDWARD:

(STAMMERS) I was just cleaning up my bar in the lounge, sir--

ELLERY:

Yes?

EDWARD:

(STAMMERS) And I gets the bell signal from Mr. Marco's compartment--

VELIE: Spit the pebbles out of your mouth, Edward.

EDWARD:

(STAMMERS) I rang his bell. There's no answer. I tried the door. It was unlocked. I opened the door and I saw--

INSPECTOR: Speak up, Edward.

EDWARD:

(STAMMERS) I saw--

ELLERY:

The man's scared to death, Dad. Let's go see for ourselves.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS, HURRIED FOOTSTEPS

ELLERY:

Come on.

SFX:

DOOR SHUTS, TRAIN RUMBLE MUTED ... HURRIED FOOTSTEPS UNTIL ...

ELLERY:

Here's Mr. Marco's compartment.

SFX:

COMPARTMENT DOOR OPENS

MFX:

STING ... CONTINUES UNDER

ELLERY:

Dad! Look!

INSPECTOR:

Marco!

VELIE:

His head!

ELLERY:

Bashed in.

INSPECTOR:

Murder!

MFX:

TO A FINISH ... THEN OUT

ELLERY:

And there, ladies and gentlemen, you have the beginning of our story. We'll be back in just a moment to tell you more, but first, Ernest Chappell with a mystery of his own.

ANNOUNCER: And it bids fair to be as baffling as any mystery Ellery's been up against. By the way, folks, what's your batting average? Mrs. Neely Jarvey of Lakewood, Ohio is frank to admit that she and her family haven't piled up a very imposing score of correct deductions. But she says they still get a big kick out of trying to decide whodunit. Ah, good for you, Mrs. Jarvey. That's what we like to hear. And here's something else we like to hear. But suppose I let you folks have it in Mrs. Jarvey's own words. She writes:

MRS. J.:

We're never without Bromo-Seltzer in our home. And not long ago when I became a volunteer nurse at our local hospital, I had just one more reason to be grateful for Bromo-Seltzer's quick, effective relief. After my first evening of routine floor work, I came home with my nerves on edge and a bad headache, brought on by nervous excitement. Well, as soon as I got in the house, I took a Bromo-Seltzer. And oh, what relief! I'm not so nervous and excited about my volunteer work as I was at first, but I know that I can rely on Bromo-Seltzer whenever I have a common sick headache like that again.

ANNOUNCER:

Well now, there you have a mighty fine piece of advice from a lady who ought to know. So the next time you have a common sick headache, try Bromo-Seltzer. I bet you'll feel the same as Mrs. Jarvey about it. And, say, we'd like to hear from all of you about your Bromo-Seltzer experiences. Just send your letters to Ellery Queen, care of the station to which you are listening.

MFX:

BRIEF BRIDGE ... CONTINUES UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

And now, back to our story. It's a short time after the discovery of old Mr. Marco's body. The car has been locked, front and rear. Nikki has been awakened.

MFX:

OUT

SFX:

TRAIN WHISTLE AND MUTED RUMBLE ... RUMBLE CONTINUES UNDER

NIKKI:

But - but, Inspector, how did it happen?

INSPECTOR:

That's what we've got to figure out, Nikki. Ellery, Velie and I were standing on the front platform from the time the party in the lounge here broke up. And we know no one from the forward cars came into our car, or left it.

ELLERY:

And the two conductors were sitting at the end of the lounge near the rear platform, Nikki, checking their tickets.

VELIE:

And both conductors say no one got into the car through the back.

NIKKI:

So Mr. Marco must have been murdered by someone in this car.

INSPECTOR:

That's the size of it, Nikki.

NIKKI:

But who? Which one?

ELLERY:

The two conductors alibi each other and they both alibi the porter.

INSPECTOR:

So the killer must be one of the four circus people.

NIKKI:

That nice old man. Why?

INSPECTOR:

Don't you remember Brady handing Marco three ten-thousand dollar bills in front of our eyes, Nikki?

ELLERY:

And they're not in his wallet now or anywhere in Marco's compartment.

VELIE:

He was bumped off for that thirty grand, Miss P.

INSPECTOR:

Killer probably rapped on Marco's door, Marco let him in ...

ELLERY:

... visitor assaulted the old man, stole the money and left Marco for dead.

VELIE:

But he didn't die right off. He managed to reach the porter's bell and ring it before dyin'.

NIKKI:

What was the weapon, Inspector?

INSPECTOR:

A man's shoe.

NIKKI:

What?!

INSPECTOR:

Yes, a shoe.

VELIE:

A shoe big enough to ship freight in, Miss Porter.

ELLERY: A man's shoe -- size twenty-two, Nikki.

NIKKI:

Size twenty-two? But a shoe that size-- It must be the giant's. Goliath must have killed Mr. Marco.

VELIE:

And used his own shoe, Miss Porter? And, to top it off, left it in Marco's room for us to find?

INSPECTOR:

No killer would be so simple-minded, Nikki. The big boy's being framed.

VELIE:

Only question is, by who?

ELLERY:

Well, Dad, we better start asking questions.

INSPECTOR:

Yes. Velie?

VELIE:

Yeah?

INSPECTOR:

Call them out of their compartments, one at a time. While we're tackling each one, you search his compartment for that dough.

VELIE:

(MOVING OFF) Okay, Inspector.

INSPECTOR:

Well, son, this case is a cinch. Marco was killed for the thirty grand. So when we find the cash, we find the killer!

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

TRAIN WHISTLE AND MUTED RUMBLE ... RUMBLE CONTINUES UNDER

INSPECTOR:

Oh, Mr. Goliath.

GOLIATH:

(YAWNS)

INSPECTOR:

Sorry the Sergeant had to wake you.

GOLIATH: What time is it, for criminy's sake?

NIKKI:

(ASIDE) Ellery, he's hobbling.

ELLERY:

(ASIDE) You'd hobble, too, Nikki, if you were wearing only one shoe.

INSPECTOR: How come you got on only one shoe, Mr. Goliath?

GOLIATH:

Oh, darned if I know, Inspector. When I went to bed, I put my shoes in that little do-jigger on the floor of the compartment.

INSPECTOR:

I know, I know.

GOLIATH:

It's sorta a closet, you know, that the porter can open from outside and take out your shoes and shine 'em durin' the night.

INSPECTOR:

Eh?

GOLIATH:

Mm hm. Well, sir, just now Mr. Velie comes fetchin' me and I look for my shoes in that shoe thing and doggone if somebody ain't stole one of my shoes. What am I gonna do? It's the only pair I got.

INSPECTOR:

We hit Pittsburgh in the morning, Mr. Goliath. So we'll send out for a pair of shoes for you then.

GOLIATH:

Huh! There ain't a shoe store in Pittsburgh or anywheres else carries size twenty-two-- Oh, Inspector -- what'd you want me for?

INSPECTOR:

Come into Marco's room, Goliath, and I'll show you.

SFX:

COMPARTMENT DOOR OPENS

GOLIATH:

Sure. Sure.

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS INTO COMPARTMENT

NIKKI:

Ellery, I - I can't look.

ELLERY:

Stay out in the corridor, Nikki.

GOLIATH:

Well, where's Mr. Marco, Inspector? What's under that piece of newspaper?

INSPECTOR:

This?

GOLIATH:

Mm hm.

SFX:

RUSTLE OF NEWSPAPER

INSPECTOR:

Your shoe, Mr. Goliath.

GOLIATH:

Well, I'll be--! (STUNNED) What's blood doin' all over it? What's under that blanket?

INSPECTOR:

Mr. Marco. He was murdered tonight -- with your shoe!

GOLIATH:

M-m-murdered! (SWOONS, FAINTS)

SFX:

THUD! AS GOLIATH HITS THE FLOOR

NIKKI:

(OFF) What happened in there?

ELLERY:

Goliath fainted.

INSPECTOR:

Ellery, revive this eight foot he-man.

ELLERY:

Right, Dad.

INSPECTOR:

And, Nikki? Call John Brady in here!

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

MUTED TRAIN RUMBLE ... IN BG

NIKKI:

(FADES IN) Here's Mr. Brady, Ellery. (ASIDE) And he's hobbling, too.

BRADY:

(FADES IN) Somebody stole one of my shoes.

ELLERY:

From your shoe compartment, Mr. Brady?

BRADY:

That's right. I found two shoes in it, all right, but one of 'em's a woman's. Here, look. Hey, what's goin' on? (CALLS) Mark, you in there?

INSPECTOR:

Just a moment, Mr. Brady. Nikki, is this woman's shoe Mr. Brady just found in the shoe receptacle yours?

NIKKI:

No, Inspector. Must be Madame Zara's.

ELLERY:

Nikki, you'd better go fetch the Zara woman.

NIKKI:

All right.

ELLERY:

Suppose you go in now, Mr. Brady, and see Mr. Marco.

BRADY:

I don't get all this. I-- (GASPS, STUNNED) Marco! (SADLY) Mark--

INSPECTOR:

Put the blanket back, Ellery.

ELLERY:

Right, Dad.

BRADY:

But who? Why?

INSPECTOR:

The thirty thousand dollars you handed Marco tonight, Mr. Brady. That's why.

NIKKI:

(FADES IN) Inspector? Madame Zara's hopping mad about her shoe and I mean hopping.

ZARA:

(FADES IN) I don't care for jokes, if you please. Mr. Brady, is this your shoe? I just found it in my shoe compartment and one of mine is gone.

BRADY:

Let me see. Yes, Zara, that's my shoe. Here's yours.

ZARA:

Thank you. (ANNOYED) What was I awakened in the middle of the night--? (REALIZES, SLOWLY) Has - has anything happened to - Mr. Marco?

ELLERY:

Why do you ask that, Madame Zara?

ZARA:

(SLOWLY, KNOWINGLY) Yes. Of course. Mr. Marco is lying under that blanket. He's dead, isn't he?

ELLERY:

Yes, Madame Zara. Look.

ZARA:

(INHALES SHARPLY) I should have warned him.

INSPECTOR:

You knew Marco was going to be knocked off?

SFX:

DISTANT TRAIN WHISTLE MOANS EERILY

ZARA:

Before retiring, I looked into my crystal ball. It never lies. I saw an old man lying there, dead. Now, I realize it was Mr. Marco. An old man -- with blood on his head.

BRADY:

Don't mind her. She always talks like this.

ELLERY:

You saw this in your crystal ball, you say?

ZARA:

With blood on his head.

ELLERY:

Did you also see Marco's murderer in your magic ball, Madame Zara?

ZARA:

No. But I could.

ELLERY:

Really?

ZARA:

If the conditions were right-- Yes, Mr. Queen.

INSPECTOR:

Hey, cut that out! Seeing murderers in a hunk of glass. Zara, go back to your room. You, too, Mr. Brady.

ZARA:

(MOVING OFF) Very well, Inspector.

BRADY: (MOVING OFF, TO HIMSELF) Oh, this is terrible.

INSPECTOR:

(WITH DISGUST) Crystal ball. (ANNOYED) Where's Velie? Why in the name of Houdini isn't he back with that thirty grand?

NIKKI:

Haven't you forgotten someone, Inspector?

INSPECTOR:

Who, Nikki?

NIKKI:

Captain Pinky, the midget.

INSPECTOR:

Oh, the midget couldn't have done it. He's too tiny.

ELLERY:

He could have stood on something, Dad, and that big, heavy shoe would be a murderer's weapon even in the hands of a child.

PINKY:

(CALLS, FADES IN) Mr. Marco? What's all the excitement about?

NIKKI:

It's Captain Pinky. (TO PINKY) Hello.

PINKY:

What the devil's going on? Why's everybody rushin' around like crazy?

INSPECTOR:

It's an unusual trip, Captain Pinky. By the way, anybody swipe YOUR shoes?

PINKY:

My shoes? Heck, no. What would anybody want with my shoes? Dad blast it all, what's happened?

ELLERY:

Mr. Marco's been murdered, Captain.

PINKY:

Mr. Marco! (STARTS TO CRY) Murdered? Murdered? (WEEPS)

NIKKI:

Oh, dear, he's crying.

INSPECTOR:

(DISGUSTED) Midgets - giants - crystal balls.

VELIE: (FADES IN) Inspector?

INSPECTOR: (RELIEVED) Velie! Well, where'd you find the money?

VELIE:

I didn't find it, Inspector.

INSPECTOR:

You didn't--? (COUGHS IN DISBELIEF)

VELIE:

I searched every compartment. No dough.

INSPECTOR:

(SNEERS) Could you find your head?

VELIE:

Huh?

INSPECTOR:

Where are we now?

VELIE:

A half hour out of Fort Wayne, Indiana.

INSPECTOR:

At the next stop, wire Pittsburgh to have some detectives waiting for us when we pull in tomorrow morning. And give this car and everybody in it a vacuum cleaning, Velie, even if the Pittsburgh boys have to go to New York with us.

VELIE:

Very well, (EXAGGERATED) ... SIR!

INSPECTOR:

Crystal ball! I'll show you how to solve this case, Ellery. Find that money -- and you've got Marco's murderer!

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX: TRAIN STATION BACKGROUND ... CONTINUES UNDER

CONDUCTOR:

(OFF) Philadelphia! Philadelphia!

NIKKI:

(SIGHS) Philadelphia.

INSPECTOR:

What's keeping Velie and those Pittsburgh men? Still searching after ten hours. The money MUST be in this car.

ELLERY:

Dad! Dad, I've got it.

INSPECTOR:

Where the money is, son?

ELLERY:

No, no, I mean the explanation for that shoe mix-up.

INSPECTOR:

Huh?

ELLERY:

The killer wanted a weapon that couldn't be traced to him. So he stole one of Zara's shoes from her receptacle ...

NIKKI:

... but realized it was too light as a weapon ...

INSPECTOR:

... so he rifled Brady's shoe receptacle ...

ELLERY:

... and then decided he wouldn't use either one's. He'd use Goliath's shoe; that WOULD make a weapon. So he stole Goliath's shoe ...

NIKKI:

... and in putting back Mr. Brady's and Madame Zara's ...

ELLERY:

... he made a mistake and mixed them up.

GOLIATH: (OFF) Inspector Queen?

INSPECTOR: Huh? Oh, Goliath.

GOLIATH:

(FADES IN) How much longer do I have to walk around in my socks? I want my shoe.

INSPECTOR:

We're checking it for fingerprints, Mr. Goliath. You'll have it back by the time we reach New York.

GOLIATH:

Hm. Would you - wash the blood off?

INSPECTOR:

Sure, sure, Mr. Goliath.

GOLIATH:

Thanks, Inspector.

CONDUCTOR:

(OFF) Boooard!

SFX:

WHISTLE BLOWS ... TRAIN STARTS

INSPECTOR:

Ellery, I've made up my mind. I'm arresting Zara.

ELLERY:

Why Zara, Dad?

INSPECTOR:

She knew Marco was dead -- the only one who did. How COULD she have known unless SHE bumped him off?

ELLERY:

Well, that is a puzzle, how she knew. Dad, she claimed she might see the criminal in her crystal ball. Why not call her bluff?

NIKKI:

See whom she accuses.

INSPECTOR:

Hmm. That's an idea. Okay, we'll try it.

ELLERY:

I have a hunch Madame Zara has something up her sleeve -- and it isn't a crystal ball.

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

MUTED TRAIN NOISE ... CONTINUES UNDER

BIZ:

BRIEF MURMUR OF CIRCUS FOLK

INSPECTOR:

Madame Zara, why is it you people can't ever do anything in the light?

ZARA:

We consult other worlds. Light is a disturbance. I must have darkness.

INSPECTOR:

(DISMISSIVE) Hocus pocus. (CALLS) Conductor?!

CONDUCTOR:

(OFF) Yes?

INSPECTOR:

Switch the lights off here in the lounge, but tell Sergeant Velie to have both ends of the car watched.

CONDUCTOR:

(OFF) Yes, sir.

ZARA:

You will all join hands.

NIKKI:

(ASIDE) This is silly, Ellery.

ELLERY:

(ASIDE) She knows it's silly, too, Nikki. Zara's trying to tell us something, using the seance as a cloak.

NIKKI:

(INHALES SHARPLY) There go the lights.

ZARA:

I must have quiet -- or my crystal will tell me nothing. (TO THE CRYSTAL BALL) Come. Appear. You, who shed Marco's blood, appear in the Crystal of Truth. Appear in the Crystal of Truth.

NIKKI:

(ASIDE) Ellery, it's getting a faint glow.

ELLERY:

(ASIDE) Phosphorous, Nikki. Quiet.

ZARA:

The one who spills the blood of old men -- he takes shape. His face -- it comes out of a mist. In a moment now-- (EXCITED) I see him! I see him!

INSPECTOR:

Much obliged, Madame Zara. Whodunit?

ZARA:

The spiller of blood is-- (INHALES SHARPLY, PAUSE)

ELLERY:

Madame Zara, why do you stop? (NO ANSWER)

MFX:

STING ... CONTINUES UNDER

INSPECTOR:

Zara?

BIZ:

CROWD MURMURS IN CONFUSION

INSPECTOR:

(CALLS) Conductor! Turn on those lights!

CONDUCTOR:

(OFF) Yes, sir.

NIKKI:

Ellery, do you think she--?

ELLERY:

Here are the lights. Zara?

NIKKI:

(NERVOUS) She's sitting so still.

MFX:

OUT

INSPECTOR:

Zara! Come out of that now.

BRADY:

She's in one of her trances.

PINKY: Oh, good. I thought she was dead, Mr. Brady.

GOLIATH:

Gosh, Captain Pinky, so did I.

ELLERY:

Wake up, Zara.

ZARA:

(WAKES) Ohhh.

NIKKI:

Thank goodness!

INSPECTOR:

Whose face did you see in that thing?

ZARA:

I must not tell you. Not yet.

INSPECTOR:

Oh? And why not yet?

ZARA:

The time isn't right. Perhaps later.

INSPECTOR:

Madame Zara, you're a first class fake.

ZARA:

(OFFENDED, DROPS HER CULTURED ACCENT) Fake! (MOVING OFF) I'm not gonna stay around here and be insulted!

INSPECTOR:

All of you! Back to your compartments!

BIZ:

CIRCUS FOLK GRUMBLE AND MOVE OFF

INSPECTOR:

Now, that's that, Ellery.

VELIE:

(FADES IN) Oh, Inspector?

INSPECTOR:

Oh, Velie. Well?

VELIE:

Boy, am I pooped.

ELLERY:

Find the money, Sergeant?

VELIE:

Those Pittsburgh guys and me, we've gone over this car three times. No dough.

INSPECTOR:

What?! Velie--!

VELIE: Look, Inspector, we tore those blamed compartments practically apart. You saw how we searched this lounge, the bar, the porter's pantry, the light fixtures, the radio, the fro-- Well, do you want me to go on?

ELLERY:

How about the people, Sergeant?

VELIE:

Yeah, head to toe. Clothes, luggage, cigarettes. We even examined Zara's crystal ball. Oh, we searched the two conductors and the porter, too. No dough.

INSPECTOR:

(EXPLODES) Velie, you're a crook's idea of Santa Claus!

VELIE: Huh?

INSPECTOR:

Start all over again! I want that thirty thousand dollars before we reach New York!

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

TRAIN STATION BACKGROUND ... CONTINUES UNDER

NIKKI:

We're in. End of the line. Ellery, where do you suppose that stolen money is?

ELLERY:

I can't imagine, Nikki. Poor Dad.

NIKKI:

That must be the Inspector's own squad waiting on the platform.

INSPECTOR: Now, is everybody here?

VELIE:

Yep. Brady, Goliath, Pinky.

INSPECTOR:

Where's Madame Hocus Pocus? That Zara woman?

NIKKI:

She isn't here, Inspector.

ELLERY:

But she must know we're in. The train stopped.

INSPECTOR:

What's she up to now? Velie, get her out here.

VELIE:

Okay.

SFX:

COMPARTMENT DOOR OPENS

VELIE:

(CALLS) Hey, Zara!

MFX:

STING ... THEN OUT

VELIE:

(CALLS) Inspector!

SFX:

HURRIED FOOTSTEPS

ELLERY:

Nikki, don't look.

INSPECTOR:

Dead. Zara's been bumped off.

ELLERY:

Head smashed in with her crystal ball.

INSPECTOR:

Velie, hold everybody.

VELIE:

Right! (CALLS, MOVES OFF) Nobody leave!

SFX:

COMPARTMENT DOOR CLOSES

INSPECTOR:

Oh, who'd have thought--?

NIKKI:

But why Madame Zara?

ELLERY:

It's clear now. We wondered how Zara knew about Marco's being dead. Don't you see? Zara must have spied on the murderer in the corridor last night. She must have seen the killer go into Marco's room with Goliath's shoe.

NIKKI:

Then why didn't she tell?

ELLERY:

Because she had her own ax to grind, Nikki. The seance was a veiled threat to the killer. She was warning him she could give him away if she chose.

INSPECTOR:

So that he'd split the thirty grand with her. But, instead, he split her head open.

ELLERY:

Wait a minute. Of course. Now I see it all. We've been blind.

NIKKI:

Ellery?

MFX:

BRIDGE

ELLERY:

[Now, all you armchair detectives have the opportunity to put your finger on the murderer. Who do YOU think did it?] In a moment, you'll learn what the correct solution is. But, first, the search for an honest man has come to an end in the person of our own Ernest Chappell.

ANNOUNCER: (LAUGHS) Oh, me. What Ellery undoubtedly means is that I'm not going to make a single claim for Bromo-Seltzer that isn't absolutely true. I'm not going to tell you that it'll do all your errands and finish your housework for you. But I do say there's just nothing better than Bromo-Seltzer for common sick headaches. You know the kind -- pounding head pain, jumpy nerves, upset stomach. Well, Bromo-Seltzer fights headache like that three ways. You get effective relief, quickly feel more like your old self. So, be prepared. Keep Bromo-Seltzer handy where you work, as well as at home.

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

TRAIN STATION BACKGROUND ... CONTINUES UNDER

VELIE:

All right, inside. Come on.

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS

VELIE:

(TO THE POLICE) Boys, no one gets in till this is over. (TO CIRCUS FOLK) All right, sit down, you people.

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS OUT ... DOOR CLOSES ... TRAIN STATION BACKGROUND OUT

VELIE:

Okay, Inspector.

INSPECTOR:

Here's the way this case stacks up. We know the killer wanted a weapon that couldn't be traced to him. So what did he pick? Somebody else's shoe. Mark that. Somebody ELSE'S shoe. So whatever shoe or shoes he stole last night belong to innocent people. Not to the murderer.

VELIE:

What do you mean?

NIKKI:

Makes sense to me, Ellery.

ELLERY:

Hush, Nikki. I want to follow this.

INSPECTOR:

Whose shoes WERE stolen last night? Madame Zara's -- so she's innocent. Mr. Brady's -- so he's innocent. And, finally, Goliath's -- so he's innocent. Who's left who COULD be the guilty man? Only Captain Pinky!

BIZ:

MURMURS OF SURPRISE

VELIE:

All right, Captain Pinky, where'd you hide that dough?

PINKY:

But I didn't kill Mr. Marco!

ELLERY:

Dad, haven't you left out one possibility?

INSPECTOR:

What possibility, son?

ELLERY:

That the murderer wanted you to think just what you do think -- that the crime was committed by the one person whose shoe was not involved.

NIKKI:

He deliberately involved all the shoes but Captain Pinky's.

INSPECTOR:

He was framing Pinky?

ELLERY:

I'm afraid so, Dad. The big point of this case is one you made yourself repeatedly. That to find the killer, we had to find the money he stole.

INSPECTOR:

But we didn't find the money, son.

ELLERY:

And why didn't we?

INSPECTOR:

Because it wasn't in the car.

ELLERY:

But it WAS in the car, Dad. It had to be.

INSPECTOR:

Ellery, the car was practically demolished. Everybody and everything in it was searched.

ELLERY:

That can't be, Dad, or the thirty thousand dollars would have been found. Obviously, then, one place was not searched. So that place is where the missing money must be.

VELIE:

What place? Where didn't we search, Maestro?

ELLERY:

Did you search the weapon, Sergeant?

VELIE:

The which?

INSPECTOR:

The weapon that killed Marco?

NIKKI:

Who'd ever think of searching the weapon?

ELLERY:

Exactly. That's what the killer figured, too. That we wouldn't dream the hiding place of the money was the very shoe which bashed poor Marco's head in.

NIKKI:

But, Ellery, what good did that do him? How could he expect to get hold of the money again? That shoe was a murder weapon, held by the police.

ELLERY: Therefore, Nikki, the murderer could be only one person -- the owner of the shoe to whom it would eventually be returned.

INSPECTOR:

Eventually! Goliath asked for his shoe even before we reached Penn Station. And I just gave it to him. Goliath! Take that murder shoe off!

GOLIATH:

No, you're wrong. I didn't do it!

VELIE:

Oh, yeah?

SFX:

GIANT-SIZED SCUFFLE ... CONTINUES UNDER

GOLIATH:

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

ELLERY:

Come on, Dad, get the shoe.

GOLIATH:

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

VELIE:

Let's get this tugboat off you.

GOLIATH:

I didn't do it!

SFX:

SHOE PULLED OFF ... SCUFFLE ENDS

GOLIATH:

(HELPLESSLY) I didn't do it.

INSPECTOR:

Velie, tear out that shoe lining.

VELIE:

Yes, sir!

SFX:

SHOE LINING TORN OUT

VELIE:

And - here they are!

NIKKI:

The three ten-thousand dollar bills!

ELLERY: Clever crime, Goliath, because who'd be foolish enough to use his own shoe as a murder weapon and then leave it behind to be found? You knew we'd believe you innocent. You knew we'd, therefore, return the shoe with its hidden money to you.

VELIE:

But there's one thing Goliath didn't know. He didn't know he was travelin' with Ellery, the Giant Killer!

BIZ:

GENERAL LAUGHTER

MFX:

TO A FINISH

ELLERY: And there, ladies and gentlemen, you have the solution to the mystery. I want to thank Mr. George R. Crowley and Mr. F. Beverley Kelley for appearing as guest armchair detectives this evening. And we have, for both Mr. Crowley and Mr. Kelley, a personal gift from Bromo-Seltzer, an autographed copy of my new mystery novel, "There Was an Old Woman," just out this week, and a subscription to Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine.

ANNOUNCER:

Well, Ellery, I certainly enjoyed that story. I bet you can't top it next week.

ELLERY:

I'll take that bet, Chappy, and I'll tell you what it's about in just a moment.

ANNOUNCER:

Okay. That gives me time enough to introduce my friend -- and your friend -- the one and only educated train known to man -- the talking Bromo-Seltzer train!

TRAIN:

(SONOVOX VOICE, LIKE A TRAIN WHISTLE) Fight - headache - three ways! (LIKE A CHUGGING TRAIN) Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer ... (FADES OUT)

ANNOUNCER: Yes, you can't beat that for good sense! Fight headache three ways with Bromo-Seltzer. You see, common sick headaches often affect you three ways -- pain in the head, jangling nerves, and upset stomach. But--

2ND ANNOUNCER: Bromo-Seltzer quickly relieves that pain in your head.

ANNOUNCER:

Bromo-Seltzer helps settle jumpy nerves.

2ND ANNOUNCER:

Bromo-Seltzer helps settle upset stomach.

ANNOUNCER:

There, see what I mean? Three-way misery, three-way relief, with Bromo-Seltzer. Use it only as directed on the label. For frequent or persistent headaches, see your doctor. For common sick headaches, do as millions of others do. Use tried and true - Bromo-Seltzer!

TRAIN:

(SONOVOX VOICE, LIKE A TRAIN WHISTLE) Fight - headache - three ways! (LIKE A CHUGGING TRAIN) Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer ... (FADES OUT)

ANNOUNCER:

Well now, Ellery, my lad, how's for next week? You got something nice and cheerful?

ELLERY:

Very, Chappy. In fact it's a story about a perfect gentleman. That is, perfect except for one little obsession.

ANNOUNCER:

Yeah? What's that?

ELLERY:

He wants to murder his wife.

ANNOUNCER:

Pleasant guy.

ELLERY:

(LAUGHS) So, Chappy, you'd better listen again next Saturday for The Adventure of - the Human Weapon.

MFX: THEME ... CONTINUES UNDER

ANNOUNCER:

And don't forget the other great Bromo-Seltzer show, friends -- "Vox Pop," the show that travels America. Next Monday, "Vox Pop" travels to Cheyenne, Wyoming, where Parks Johnson and Warren Hull will interview a Flying Fortress crew just back from bombing Germany. Consult your local paper for the time and station.

MFX:

THEME ... TO A FINISH, THEN OUT

ANNOUNCER:

Music for "The Adventures of Ellery Queen" is by Charles Paul. Production is directed by Bruce Kammen.

NBC ANNCR:

This program came to you from New York. This is the National Broadcasting Company.

SFX:

NBC CHIMES