Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Lux Radio Theater
Show: The Lady Eve
Date: Mar 09 1942

Cast:
John Milton Kennedy (Announcer)
Cecil B Demille (Producer/Host)
Man On Ship
Mrs. Bullock
Myrtle Bullock
"Colonel" Harrington/Charles Coburn
Jean Harrington/Lady Eve Sidwich/Barbara Stanwyck
Gerald "The Butler"
Drunken, Hiccupping, Admirer Dame
Charles Pike/Henry Fonda
Bartender
Mary, A Tap Dancing Extra
Mary's Tap Dancing Extra Friend
Rita Hayworth
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith ('Pearlie')
Society Party Guy
Horace Pike
Butler
Ruthie
Bill

KENNEDY:

Lux presents Hollywood!

(MFX)

 

KENNEDY:

"The Lux Radio Theatre" brings you Barbara Stanwyck, Henry Fonda, and Charles Coburn in "The Lady Eve". Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B Demille.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

DE MILLE:

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, "The Lux Radio Theatre" will be curtailed to forty-five minutes, so that we may all hear the President Of The United States, Vice-President Wallace, and Secretary of Agriculture Wickard. Stay tuned to this station and you'll be sure to hear them! Now, compared to what Barbara Stanwyck does to Henry Fonda in tonight's play "The Lady Eve", the woes of Adam, seem like the life of Riley! Eve used an apple; Miss Stanwyck, aided and abetted by Charles Coburn, uses a deck of cards, a treacherous disguise, and a tropic moon! After what Barbara did with this blitzkrieg combination in the Paramount Picture, Henry Fonda should be forewarned of what's ahead of him tonight! But "The Lady Eve" gets her just desserts; she may be a cardsharp, but she's helpless when love deals aces from the bottom of the deck! This time every year, I take on a little extra job. One that seems to go very well with producing pictures and radio plays? and also Lux Toilet Soap! Schools and colleges, all over the country, send photographs of the girls in their graduating classes and ask me to pick the most beautiful. A very simple request, but not easy to answer! At first glance, it usually looks like a tie. In those cases I suspect that all the girls have been using Lux Toilet Soap, since they were able to talk. And a girl can say "Lux" very young! Now the curtain and the first act of "The Lady Eve"! Starring Barbara Stanwyck as Jean Harrington, Henry Fonda as Charles Pike, and Charles Coburn as "Colonel" Harrington.

SFX:

CRUISE SHIP/CROWD/DOCK NOISE

MAN ON SHIP:

He's coming on board, now! Charles Pike-

MRS. BULLOCK:

There he is, Myrtle! Charles Pike, himself

MYRTLE BULLOCK:

Who's he, Mama

MRS. BULLOCK:

-What do you care? He's worth a fortune and he's single! Go on put on your shorts!!

(MFX)

 

DE MILLE:

The catch of the season is just coming aboard the steamship "Southern Queen", anchored on the mouth of the Amazon! Returning from a scientific expedition in the Brazilian jungle, young and single Charles Pike climbs the ship's ladder? and every mother with an eligible daughter gives him a sickening smile! At the rail of the boat are "Colonel" Harrington and his daughter, Jean. The colonel and Jean, however, are not interested in marrying the Pike fortune. They have a better way to get it!

HARRINGTON:

A very likely prospect, my dear.

JEAN:

Yeah. I hope he thinks he's a wizard at cards-

HARRINGTON:

My fingers are itching already! Maybe I ought to go to the cabin and fix up a nice cold deck

JEAN:

I wish he had a fat wife, so I wouldn't have to dance in the moonlight with him! I don't know why it is, but a sucker always steps on your feet

HARRINGTON:

A mug is a mug in everything

JEAN:

I don't see why I have to do all the dirty work! There must be plenty of rich, old dames just waiting for you to push'em around

HARRINGTON:

-Don't be vulgar, Jean! Let us be crooked, but never common! (noticing their partner coming) Ah, here's Gerald! (calling out) Gerald!

GERALD:

(approaching from off mike) -Oh, there you are sir!

HARRINGTON:

Well, Gerald? Did you get the lowdown on him?

GERALD:

Oh, yes sir- I did, sir!

JEAN:

C'mon Gerald, forget the "butler act"! Is the sucker rich?

GERALD:

As the purser so picturesquely put it, the sucker "is dripping in dough"!

HARRINGTON:

Good-

JEAN:

-What does he own? Pike's Peak?

GERALD:

Oh, no-no-no? "Pike's Pale"! "The Ale That Won For Yale!"

(MFX)

 

SFX:

CROWD AT BAR IN SHIP'S DINING ROOM

MAN ON SHIP:

Bartender! Another bottle of Pike's please-

DRUNKEN, HICKUPPING, ADMIRER DAME: -"Pike's Pale"-hic- please-

MRS. BULLOCK:

-Two more "Pike's Pale"! (to MYRTLE) Straighten your seams, darling!!

MFX:

A COUPLE OF BEATS OF MUSIC

JEAN:

Look at them ordering ale! Every dame at the bar is going to pass out with galloping hiccups!

HARRINGTON:

They don't seem to be making much of an impression on Mr. Pike; I think it's time you got acquainted with him, my dear!

JEAN:

Look at that girl over to his left- (as if giving PIKE instructions) "Look over to your left, sucker! See those nice store teeth all beaming at you?"? Nope, he doesn't like'em? Now he's getting up to go-

HARRINGTON:

He's coming this way, Jean

JEAN:

Move your chair back Harry, I'm going to trip'em on his face

HARRINGTON:

-You think that's a good way to meet him?

JEAN:

Nobody else is getting any place- look out! Here he is-

SFX:

BODY FALLING DOWN

JEAN:

-Oooh! Why doncha look where you're going?

PIKE:

Why don't I look- you stuck out your foot-

JEAN:

-Look what you did to my shoe! You knocked the heel off!!

PIKE:

Oh, I did? well, I'm certainly sorry-

JEAN:

You did and you can take me right down to my cabin for another pair of slippers

PIKE:

Oh, well, I? it's the least I can do? By the way, my name is Pike

JEAN:

Oh everybody knows that, nobody is talking about anything else. This is my father, Colonel Harrington. My name is Jean it's really Eugenia- my cabin's down this way, c'mon!

MFX:

A COUPLE OF BEATS OF MUSIC, THEN IT FADES

JEAN:

All right, you can come in-

PIKE:

-Say, this is quite a cabin you've got here!

JEAN:

Yes. Pretty cozy, isn't it?

PIKE:

Yeah- Say!

JEAN:

Something burning?

PIKE:

Holy Moses!

JEAN:

What's the matter?

PIKE:

(beginning to feel feverish) That perfume-

JEAN:

What's the matter with it?

PIKE:

Oh, nothing? it's just that I've been up the Amazon for a year and they don't use perfume?(gulping) it smells good-

JEAN:

Ah? the shoes are over here in the trunk, and, because you were so polite, you can pick them out and put them on if you like

PIKE:

-Put them on? You?

JEAN:

Well, not on you!

SFX:

TRUNK CREAKING OPEN

PIKE:

Holy Moses, look at all those shoes!

JEAN:

(flirting) See anything you like?

PIKE:

Yeah- (catches himself) Gosh, it doesn't seem possible for anybody to wear anything this size!

JEAN:

Aw, that's pretty! Uhm, you'll have to kneel down Mr. Pike-

PIKE:

(voice breaking) -Hm?

JEAN:

To put them on me?

PIKE:

(nervously laughing) Oh, heh, sure?

JEAN:

That's right? you know, you should've been a shoe salesman!

PIKE:

Heh-heh? ahem?

JEAN:

Doncha feel well?

PIKE:

Oh I-I'm all right.

JEAN:

Hm. Tell me, what were you doing up the Amazon?

PIKE:

Looking for snakes. I'm an opthiologist-

JEAN:

-I thought you were in the beer business!

PIKE:

(correcting her) Beer- Ale!

JEAN:

What's the difference?

PIKE:

Between beer and ale-

JEAN:

Yes

PIKE:

Listen, my father would burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that! There's a big difference? ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom? or maybe it's the other way around Anyway, there's no similarity at all!

JEAN:

Oh.

PIKE:

(big breath/feeling a little woozy again) You know, it's funny to be kneeling here at your feet, talking about beer-

JEAN:

You've probably heard a lot about it

PIKE:

-Yes, all my life! Ever since I was six years old, the kids called me "Hopsy"! "Hopsy" Pike!

JEAN:

Hello "Hopsy"!

PIKE:

(embarrassed) Make it Charlie, willya?

JEAN:

All right. But there's something kinda cute about "Hopsy"? all finished?

PIKE:

Y-yes. You know? maybe you were right about the shoe business? I never realized before how lovely it could be?

JEAN:

Oh, thank you. Well, uhm-

PIKE:

Well

JEAN:

(chuckle) -We'd better get back now.

PIKE:

(feverish again) Yes, I guess so? You see, where I've been-I mean, up the Amazon- I haven't seen a girl in a long time- there's something about that perfume-

JEAN:

(flirting) Don't you like my perfume

PIKE:

-Like it? I'm cockeyed on it!

JEAN:

Why Hopsy! You ought to be kept in a cage! (going off mike) Come along Hopsy?

(MFX)

 

HARRINGTON:

Ah, there you are my dear! Well, it certainly took you long enough to come back in the same dress-

JEAN:

I'm lucky to have this on? Mr. Pike has been up a river for a year

PIKE:

Oh, now look, I'm sorry about the

HARRINGTON:

Pay no attention to my daughter's ribaldry! It always comes out in the women of our family! The men are all missionaries? with the exception of myself

JEAN:

(under her breath) And what an exception

HARRINGTON:

Won't you sit down, Mr. Pike? I've just been amusing myself with a little solitaire

PIKE:

Oh cards! By the way, have you seen this one? Now you see the card? and now you don't!

JEAN:

Oh, he does card tricks-

HARRINGTON:

-Well, bless my soul! Do that again, will you?

PIKE:

Certainly! Now you see it? now you don't!

HARRINGTON:

Amazing!

JEAN:

Wonderful!

PIKE:

See, you palm it in this hand? of course it takes a good deal of practice-

HARRINGTON:

-Ooh, I can well imagine it might! It's a good thing I know who you are or I wouldn't play cards with you!

PIKE:

Sir?

HARRINGTON:

Well, you know what they say, my boy? "gamblers on boats"?

PIKE:

(verbal double take) Oh. Oh, you don't really think-

JEAN:

Oh, of course not silly! You look as honest as we do!

PIKE:

(embarrased chuckle) Oh thanks-

JEAN:

-Not at all!

HARRINGTON:

Just joshing you my boy! How about a rubber of bridge right now?

PIKE:

Oh, I'd like to-

JEAN:

-Oh, you're probably much too good for us, Mr. Pike.

PIKE:

Well, I don't have to play my best-

JEAN:

-Well, aren't you sweet!

PIKE:

Who will we get for a fourth?

HARRINGTON:

Isn't there a three-handed game? I seem vaguely to remember having pl-

PIKE:

-Of course there is! That'll be much cozier! Would you shuffle?

HARRINGTON:

Well I'll try? now, let's see, I'm not very good at this?

(MFX)

 

HARRINGTON:

There you are my boy! At ten cents a point, I owe you four hundred and ninety eight dollars-: : PIKE: Oh now, wait, I didn't want to win from you

JEAN:

-Oh, father's in the oil business, Mr. Pike. It just keeps bubbling up out of the ground?(to HARRINGTON)? how much do I owe?

HARRINGTON:

Now let me see? roughly, one hundred dollars-

JEAN:

that's rough enough

PIKE:

(protesting) Oh but look, I really feel I

JEAN:

-Don't you worry! We'll get it back.

PIKE:

Well, if that's a promise-

JEAN:

-You can depend on it

HARRINGTON:

Well, if you don't mind, I think I'll toddle off and leave you young people to talk about, er, whatever young people talk about.

PIKE:

Goodnight, sir? I'm really, awfully sorry about this-

HARRINGTON:

-Oh beeswax, my boy, beeswax! (calling from off mike) Goodnight Jeanie!

JEAN:

Goodnight darling!

PIKE:

Goodnight! (to JEAN) You know he's a nice fella, your father-

JEAN:

-He's a good card player, too.

PIKE:

Do you think so? Well, I don't want to be rude, but I thought he seemed a little uneven.

JEAN:

He's more uneven sometimes than others.

PIKE:

Well that's what makes him uneven, of course-

JEAN:

(chuckling) Yeah

PIKE:

-But now you, on the other hand, with a little coaching, you could be terrific!

JEAN:

(chuckling) Uh-huh? you really think so?

PIKE:

Oh yes! You have a definite nose!

JEAN:

(flirting) Well, I'm glad you like it? do you like any of the rest of me?

PIKE:

(flustered) Oh- well, what I meant was in the "card-playing" sense.

JEAN:

I know what you meant? I was just flirting with you.

PIKE:

(very flustered) Oh- oh- well, I see?

JEAN:

You're not going to faint, are you?

PIKE:

(feverish) Who me? Oh no, it's- it's that perfume?

JEAN:

Oh.

PIKE:

Do-do you think they're dancing any place on board?

JEAN:

Don't you think we ought to get some rest? You can see me to my cabin if you want.

PIKE:

(disappointed) Oh? you know you're certainly a funny girl to meet for anyone who's been up the Amazon for a year!

JEAN:

It's a good thing you weren't up there two years-

PIKE:

Yeah

JEAN:

C'mon?

(MFX)

 

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS

PIKE:

Say, I'm afraid we're on the wrong deck-

JEAN:

Well, isn't that a coincidence

PIKE:

For heaven's sakes, here's my cabin

JEAN:

-Fantastic!

PIKE:

Ahem? would you care to come in? ahem? and see Emma?

SFX:

KEY UNLOCKS DOOR/DOOR OPENS/CLOSES

JEAN:

(flirting) That's a new one, isn't it?

PIKE:

(whispering) Shh! I don't want to wake her up!

JEAN:

(also whispering): Wake who up?: : PIKE (whispering) Emma-

JEAN:

(back to normal voice) Emma? Who's Emma? I thought that was just a gag

PIKE:

(back to normal voice) Well, technically, she's a columbrina marzditsia, a rare type of Brazilian glass snake

JEAN:

A SNAKE

PIKE:

Say, she's seems to have gotten out of her box again

JEAN:

SHE'S OUT!!! OH

PIKE:

Now don't worry; she's around here someplace

JEAN:

AHHHHH

PIKE:

-Be careful where you step -

JEAN:

OH, LET ME OUT OF HERE

PIKE:

She's just as playful as kitten

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

PIKE:

-Come back!

BEAT

SFX:

DOOR KNOCKS/DOOR OPENS

JEAN:

(still agitated) Don't you come in here!

PIKE:

Look, I'm terribly sorry? I wouldn't have frightened you for anything in the world-

JEAN:

-Why didn't you tell me you had a slimy, slippery -?

PIKE:

But I thought you understood that Emma was a snake

JEAN:

-How could I understand of the kind? Why should I suspect an apparently civilized man of-?

PIKE:

Please

JEAN:

Oh come in and look under the bed

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

PIKE:

-How could she possibly get in your cabin-?

JEAN:

-Please-please-

PIKE:

(humoring her) -Oh, all right? what's this?

JEAN:

OH!!

PIKE:

(chuckling) Oh, it's just a stocking.

JEAN:

Well, if you see anymore, just leave them there?(breathing hard)?oh, come over here? hold me tight?(turned on)? oh? oh you don't know what you done to me?

PIKE:

(flustered) Well, I'm terribly sorry? I wouldn't have frightened you for anything in the world- I mean if there's anyone in the world I wouldn't want to frighten, it's you-

JEAN:

Ohh, you're very sweet?don't let me go-

PIKE:

(nervous) I-I won't!

JEAN:

Thank you? how was everything up the Amazon?

PIKE:

(nervously turned on) A-All right, thank you?

JEAN:

(breathy) What are you thinking about?

PIKE:

(also breathy) N-not a thing.

JEAN:

Are you always going to be interested in snakes?

PIKE:

Well, snakes are my life? in a way?

JEAN:

What a life?

PIKE:

I-I suppose it does sound sort of silly. I mean I suppose I should have? married and settled down?

JEAN:

Well why didn't you?

PIKE:

Well, it's just that I've never met her? I suppose she's around somewhere in the world?

JEAN:

It would be too bad if you never bumped into each other? I suppose you know what she looks like and everything?

PIKE:

I-I think so?

JEAN:

I'll bet she looks like Marguerite in "Faust"?

PIKE:

No, she isn't? I mean, she hasn't? she's not as bulky as an opera singer-

JEAN:

-Ohh? how are her teeth?

PIKE:

Hunh?

JEAN:

Well you should always pick one out with good teeth- it saves expense later!

PIKE:

(chuckling) Oh? now you're kidding me-

JEAN:

(affectionately) No? not badly. You have a right to have an ideal. I guess we all have one-

PIKE:

-What does yours look like?

JEAN:

(matter-of-factly) He's a little short guy with lots of money.

PIKE:

Why short?

JEAN:

What does it matter if he's rich? It's so he'll look up to me, so I'll be his ideal.

PIKE:

That's a? funny kind of reasoning?

JEAN:

Look who's reasoning. And when he takes me out to dinner, he'll never add up the check, and he won't smoke greasy cigars, or use grease on his hair, and, uh- oh yes! He won't do card tricks.

PIKE:

Oh-

JEAN:

Oh, it's not that I mind your doing card tricks, Hopsy, it's just that you naturally wouldn't want your ideal to do card tricks

PIKE:

I shouldn't think that ideal was so difficult to find-

JEAN:

-Oh it isn't! That why he's my ideal! What's the sense in having one if you can't ever find him? When I marry, it's going to be someone I've never seen before; I won't know what he looks like or where he'll come from or what he'll be. I? want him to sort of? take me by surprise?

PIKE:

(croaking this out) ?Like a burglar?

JEAN:

That's right. And the night will be heavy with perfume and I'll hear a step behind me and somebody breathing heavily? and then I'll-

PIKE:

Sigh

JEAN:

-What's the matter?

PIKE:

Hm?

JEAN:

You're looking sick again-: PIKE: -Oh, no. I'm not, it's just? you. Being so near you, I-I'd like to be near you always!

JEAN:

Why Hopsy! Are you proposing to me so soon?: PIKE: Oh no-no-no, of course not!

JEAN:

Well, then, you ought to be more careful; people have been sued for much less!

PIKE:

Not by girls like you.

JEAN:

(touched) Oh? don't you know it's dangerous to trust people you don't know very well?

PIKE:

But I know you very well.

JEAN:

No, no. I mean people you haven't known very long.

PIKE:

But I've known you a long time? in a way. Jeanie-

JEAN:

-Goodnight.

PIKE:

Huh?

JEAN:

You better go. I think I can sleep peacefully, now.

PIKE:

I wish I could say the same!

JEAN:

(bemused) Why Hopsy!

(MFX)

 

HARRINGTON:

Ah. Thank you, Gerald

GERALD:

High card cuts are on the outside; cold hands in the middle.

HARRINGTON:

(singing) "Cold Hands, I Love! Dah-dah, dee-dah-dah!"

JEAN:

(approaching mike) Hello, Harry? hello Gerald!

GERALD:

Hello Jean-

HARRINGTON:

Greetings, my little minx! I hope that I find you well, and that your little pal hasn't fallen overboard!

JEAN:

He's all right; he's just gone to dress for dinner.

HARRINGTON:

Then I think my dear, you had better do the same. Because we are going to play a little cards tonight? and I don't mean "Old Maid"!

JEAN:

Harry? I think Charles is in love with me.

GERALD:

(amused) No!

HARRINGTON:

Of course, he's in love with you! Who is he, not to be in love with you-

JEAN:

No, I mean on the level Harry

HARRINGTON:

-Are you suggesting that the others were on the bias?

JEAN:

(laughing) Oh, stop kidding? you see? I like him, too.

HARRINGTON:

Why shouldn't you like him? There's as fine a specimen of the sucker sapiens, as I've ever seen!

JEAN:

I think he's going to ask me to marry him-

HARRINGTON:

-No-

GERALD:

-No-

JEAN:

-Yes.

HARRINGTON:

Well, that's wonderful, Jean! No wonder you're blushing! And that fortunate young man-

GERALD:

Fortunate, indeed

HARRINGTON:

Can't you hear his pulses pounding? His ears must ringing like telephone bells-

GERALD:

His hands are clammy, with excitement

HARRINGTON:

-He won't know an ace from a deuce!

JEAN:

You weren't thinking of taking him, Harry!

HARRINGTON:

Well, what were you thinking of?

JEAN:

Oh, I don't think you understand, either of you. This is on the up and up! I'm think I'm in love with the poor fish, snakes and all. He's kind of touched something in my heart. And I'd give a lot to be? well, I mean I'm going to be exactly the way he thinks I am. The way he'd like me to be.

HARRINGTON:

I'm sure that's very noble, Jean. And I wish you all the happiness in the world.

JEAN:

And you'll go straight, too, won't you Harry?

HARRINGTON:

Straight to where?

JEAN:

(laughing) You know what I mean! You can come and live with us. And you too, Gerald. Think how peaceful you can be!

HARRINGTON:

Playing cribbage with Gerald? Hm, I can just see myself. The trouble with people who reform is, they want to rain on everybody else's parade, too! You tend to your knitting? I'll play the cards!

JEAN:

(firm) Not with him!

HARRINGTON:

Do you happen to remember that that sucker has $500 of ours in his pocket?

GERALD:

600

JEAN:

-Well, I suppose you could take that back?

HARRINGTON:

You bet I could! And a little dividend along with it!

JEAN:

Oh no-

HARRINGTON:

Oh yes

JEAN:

Oh No

HARRINGTON:

YES

JEAN:

NO! You'll find out I can play a little cards myself

HARRINGTON:

You think so

JEAN:

-I know so! I'm not your daughter for free, you know! Gimmee a pack of those cards; you'll find out!!!

SFX:

DOOR SLAM

HARRINGTON:

(sigh) Children don't respect their parents anymore.

(MFX)

 

PIKE:

In trying to balance out what I won from you, well, I think I've had enough, Colonel. I'll make out a check for what I owe you-

HARRINGTON:

No, no, no, no, no m'boy. I wish you wouldn't do that. Here, we'll cut the cards once more! Double or nothing

SFX:

SOUND OF SCRIBBLING ON PAPER

PIKE:

-No thanks. I'd rather pay $32,000 than lose a really large amount.

HARRINGTON:

Well, now this is very embarrassing- make it out to "cash"-

PIKE:

It could even be more embarrassing. (reading) "$32,000 and no cents".

SFX:

CHECK BEING TORN OUT AND HANDED OVER

PIKE:

Here you are sir!

HARRINGTON:

I feel terrible, my boy-

PIKE:

Oh, by the way, I'd prefer if you wouldn't tell Jean anything about this. After all, she was the one who insisted I stop playing after you won back what I won from you

HARRINGTON:

You may depend upon it

JEAN:

(approaching mike) You certainly may

PIKE:

Jean

HARRINGTON:

My sweet

JEAN:

Charles, you promised you wouldn't play anymore

PIKE:

Well, we didn't play anymore Jean; we were just wiping out my loss, then his loss, then mine again

JEAN:

-You need a keeper. (to HARRINGTON) Now that you've taught Charles not to play for double or nothing, what are you going to do with that check?

HARRINGTON:

Just this, my pretty child?

SFX:

PAPER BEING TORN

PIKE:

You mean it was just a joke?

HARRINGTON:

Of course! You don't actually think I'd bleed my own daughter's friend, do you-

JEAN:

(sarcastically) -Perish the thought? come on Charles. You can take me for a walk on deck.

(MFX)

 

SFX:

SHIP RUNNING ON THE OCEAN AT NIGHT

JEAN:

(sighing) Oh, the air is good, isn't it? It makes you feel all clean inside and nice.

PIKE:

Yes? Jean, don't move.

JEAN:

What is it?

PIKE:

You know? I've just understood something-

JEAN:

-Yes?

PIKE:

You see, every time I've looked at you here on the boat, it wasn't only here I saw you. You seem to go way back? I know that isn't clear, but I saw you here and at the same time further away and then still further away and then very small? like converging perspective lines? no, that isn't it-it's like-like people following each other in a forest glade? only way back there, you're a little girl with a short dress and your hair falling to your shoulders and a little boy is standing with you holding your hand? in the middle distance, I'm still with you, not holding your hand anymore, because it isn't manly, but wanting to? and then still further, we look terrible, you with your legs like a colt and mine like a calf? what I'm trying to say is, only I'm not a poet, I'm an othiologist? I-I've always loved you. I mean I've never loved anyone but you. I know that sounds as dull as a drugstore novel, and what I see inside, I'll never be able to cast into words but it's what I mean. I wish we were married and on our honeymoon now-

JEAN:

Oh, so do I. But it isn't as simple as all that, Hopsy. I'm terribly in love and you seem to be, too? so? one of us has to think and try and keep things clear? maybe I can do that better than you can. (musing) They say a moonlit deck is a woman's business office

PIKE:

I'm going to kiss you Jean

JEAN:

-Of course you are, darling.

(MFX)

 

MRS. BULLOCK:

(approaching mike) Of course, it's none of our business, Mr. Pike, but I said to Myrtle, I said, "I don't care for those people"-

PIKE:

Mrs. Bullock, what are you trying to tell me? What are you talking about

MRS. BULLOCK:

The Harringtons! Myrtle, show Mr. Pike what we got from the purser's office, dear

MYRTLE BULLOCK:

Yes, Mama. You see, Mr. Pike? It's a photograph! And there's something on the back! Listen, "Handsome Harry and his daughter, Jean. Professional cardsharps

PIKE:

Let me see that

MRS. BULLOCK:

It's the Harringtons all right

PIKE:

-"also bunco, oil wells and occasional gold mines." (beat) Card sharps!

MRS. BULLOCK:

We're sorry we had to tell you Mr. Pike, but it's for your own good of course! And like I said to my-

PIKE:

-May, I keep this picture?

MRS. BULLOCK:

Uh, certainly! And if you would like-

PIKE:

-Thanks. Goodbye.

MRS. BULLOCK:

(calling off mike) Oh, Mr. Pike! Will you have dinner with us tonight?

PIKE:

(from off mike) No, I will not!

MRS. BULLOCK:

(gasps) Oh! Why the ungrateful-

MYRTLE BULLOCK:

Mama! I thought you said he'd be glad to hear about it

MRS. BULLOCK:

-Shut up!

(MFX)

 

PIKE:

Straight scotch, double!

BARTENDER:

Yes sir.

JEAN:

(flirty) Why Hopsy! What are you doing at the bar at this hour?

PIKE:

Good morning.

JEAN:

Good morning, darling! You look like the last grave over near the willow? you worried about something?

PIKE:

Should I be?

JEAN:

Of course you should? falling in love with an adventuress on the high seas-

PIKE:

-Are you an adventuress?

JEAN:

Of course I am! All women are! You have to be! If you waited for a man to propose to you from natural causes, you'd die of old maidenhood? that's why I let you try my slippers on, then I put my cheek against yours, then I made you put your arms around me, and then I? I fell in love with you. Which wasn't in the cards-

PIKE:

Jean

JEAN:

-Yes, darling?

PIKE:

You'd better take a look at this photograph.

JEAN:

(like of the wind has gone from her sails) Oh? rotten likeness, isn't it? I never cared for that picture-

PIKE:

I can understand that

JEAN:

-Oh, please don't look so upset, darling? I was going to tell you when we got to New York? I-I would've told you last night only it wouldn't have been fair to Harry and Gerald, and well? you never know how a person will take a thing like that and, well? maybe I wanted you to love me a little more, too? you believe me, don't you? You didn't think I was going to marry you without telling you? You don't think that badly of me? (beat) All right. Anyway, I'm glad you got the picture this morning? instead of last night, if that means anything to you? it should?

PIKE:

You thought you were having a lot of fun with me, didn't you-

JEAN:

Oh, I was having a lot of fun with you Hopsy? more fun than I've ever had with anybody? you were certainly very funny showing Harry how to palm a card

PIKE:

You were pretty funny, yourself

JEAN:

When

PIKE:

-Trying to play me for a sucker, when they told me who you were the morning after I met you!

JEAN:

Who told you-

PIKE:

-Never mind who told me!

(MFX)

 

JEAN:

You mean? you were playing me for a sucker? I? I don't believe it? but if you were (starts to cry)? if you were just trying to make me feel cheap and hurt me? you succeeded handsomely? you ought to be very proud of yourself, Mr. Pike?very proud of yourself?

(MFX)

 

SFX:

APPLAUSE

KENNEDY:

After a brief intermission, Mr. DeMille and our stars Barbara Stanwyck, Henry Fonda, and Charles Coburn, will bring us Act 2 of "The Lady Eve". And now we place our imaginary microphones on a rehearsal stage over at Columbia Studios, where two young extras are just finishing a dance routine.

(MFX)

 

SFX:

TAP DANCING

MARY, A TAP DANCING EXTRA:

My goodness! I feel like a wilted lettuce leaf!

MARY'S TAP DANCING EXTRA FRIEND:

That certainly was a workout! And me with a date tonight-

MARY, A TAP DANCING EXTRA:

Me t say, we better get going! (going away from the mike) What we need is a nice, warm, soothing bath?

(MFX)

 

MARY'S TAP DANCING EXTRA FRIEND:

(whispering) Psst! Mary! Isn't that Rita Hayworth over there?

MARY, A TAP DANCING EXTRA:

(whispering) Boy, she looks like a million, doesn't she?

MARY'S TAP DANCING EXTRA FRIEND:

(whispering) She sure does! And after the hours she danced in that ballroom scene today-

MARY, A TAP DANCING EXTRA:

-Well, we're not the only ones who know what a nice, relaxing Lux Toilet Soap bath can do for a gal!

KENNEDY:

Yes, lovely Rita Hayworth, and other Hollywood stars, use their complexion soap, gentle white Lux Toilet Soap, for daily beauty bath, too! Try this Hollywood beauty bath and you'll see why! You'll find Lux Soap's creamy, active lather soothing and gentle. And thorough, too! That rich, caressing lather just floats away every trace of dust and dirt. Leaves you feeling exquisitely fresh from head to foot! And most important of all, you'll find, as screen stars do, that this beauty bath makes daintiness, sure. Lovely Rita Hayworth says-

RITA HAYWORTH:

-A daily Lux Soap beauty bath protects daintiness! It leaves skin really fresh and sweet! Fragrant, too, with a delicate, clinging perfume.

KENNEDY:

Why not take Hollywood's tip? Make this fine white soap, with its flower-like fragrance, your daily bath soap. It's a luxury that any woman can afford! For Lux Toilet Soap costs, but a few cents a cake. Buy it the economical three-cakes-at-a-time way. It's thrifty! We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

(MFX)

 

DE MILLE:

Act 2 of "The Lady Eve", starring Barbara Stanwyck as Jean Harrington, Henry Fonda as Charles Pike, and Charles Coburn as "Colonel" Harrington.

(MFX)

 

DE MILLE:

Jean is not the kind of girl to grieve over a blighted romance. But she still thinks occasionally of Charles Pike.

SFX:

RACETRACK CROWD

DE MILLE:

It's two months later. With her father at the racetrack, Jean imagines she sees Charles in the crowd.

HARRINGTON:

Here you are my sweet! We grabbed down a neat 700 on the last canter, Jean? Jean! I'm talking to you-

JEAN:

(distracted) Oh, I'm sorry? I thought that was that Pike fellow over there

HARRINGTON:

(looking at the Racing Forms) -Now let me see? what do you like in the next one?

SIR ALFRED:

Pardon me, is this seat taken?

HARRINGTON:

(recognizing him) Well, for the love of-

SIR ALFRED:

Well bless my soul! Handsome Harry!

HARRINGTON:

William, at the moment-

SIR ALFRED:

William, of course! I'm enchanted to see you again. And you Jean? as pretty as a pack of aces

JEAN:

Hello Pearlie

SIR ALFRED:

-Sir Alfred, at the moment, my pretty child? Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith, at your service!

JEAN:

How do you do, Sir Alfred?

SIR ALFRED:

Well, you're certainly a sight for lame peepers! Do you know I've seen nobody- absolutely not a soul, in our set I mean- since the boats stopped running?

HARRINGTON:

What's your pitch, Pearlie-

SIR ALFRED:

Sir Alfred? I have a little nest on the edge of a town called Bridgefield. The town is full of millionaires in the heart of the "Contract Bridge Belt". A wonderful game

JEAN:

Bridgefield, Connecticut

SIR ALFRED:

Precisely I have my dogs, I have my horses, I have my little house, I have my antiques. We play a little game here, a little game there, then we play somewhere else. Sometimes my luck is good, sometimes my luck is better, but with one thing and another my dear chaps, ho-ho what a dream!

HARRINGTON:

How do you meet them?

SIR ALFRED:

The chumps? Oh my dear fellow when one's name is Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith, R.F.D., one doesn't have to meet them, one fights them off with sticks! And then again, just think- there's no hurry! You have them by the ear, like a lease-

HARRINGTON:

(chuckling) Pearlie

JEAN:

-Tell me? do you know the Pikes?

HARRINGTON:

What do you care if he does-

SIR ALFRED:

(chuckling) -Do I know them? I positively swill in their ale! Good old Horace, ho-ho what card player!

JEAN:

Do you know Charles?

SIR ALFRED:

Oh, is he the tall, backwards boy who's always toying with toads and things? Yes, I think I have seen him skulking about-

JEAN:

(defensively) He isn't backwards, he's a scientist

SIR ALFRED:

Oh, is that what it is? I knew he was peculiar

JEAN:

-Pearlie, could I visit you sometime? As your niece?

SIR ALFRED:

As my niece? My dear girl there's only one thing, you have to be English you know-

JEAN:

-I've been English before. (in British dialect) "I shall be as English as necessary"-

HARRINGTON:

-Why don't you stop talking nonsense?

JEAN:

Because I want to see that guy! I've got some unfinished business with him? I need him like the axe needs the turkey? get me a name Pearlie-but British-

SIR ALFRED:

-As a matter of fact, I've mentioned a niece, one "Lady Eve Sidwich"!

JEAN:

(trying it on for size) "Lady Eve Sidwich".

SFX:

HORSETRACK BELL RINGS

JEAN:

(meaningfully) Better go make your bets.

(MFX)

 

SFX:

SOCIETY CROWD LAUGHING

SOCIETY PARTY GUY:

Go on Lady Eve, tell us some more!

LADY EVE:

(or JEAN being this character) Naturally, I was frightfully anxious to see Uncle Alfred? and as I didn't know just where Connecticut was -

HORACE:

(approaching mike) Ah, good evening, Sir Alfred!

SIR ALFRED:

Oh Horace, old boy! I want you to meet my niece, Lady Eve Sidwich-

HORACE:

How are you Lady Sidwich

SIR ALFRED:

This is Mr. Pike, Eve. Mr. Horace Pike, our host

LADY EVE:

How do you do

SIR ALFRED:

My niece was telling a rather amusing incident, Horace

HORACE:

-Well, go on please!

LADY EVE:

Thank you! Now, where was I-

SOCIETY PARTY GUY:

You didn't know where Connecticut was

LADY EVE:

Oh yes. So I took the tube

SFX:

CROWD LAUGHS

HORACE PIKE:

-The "tube"?

SIR ALFRED:

A subway old boy!

LADY EVE:

Yes, and to the official I said, "Be so good as to let me off at Connecticut!" So he said, "Lady, I don't know where Connecticut is, but this train goes to Harlem!" But I don't know how he knew I was a Lady!

SFX:

CROWD LAUGHS

HORACE:

Oh, here's my son, Charlie! Charlie, I want you to meet Lady Eve Sidwich-

LADY EVE:

How do you do

PIKE:

How do you do, Lady E oh!

LADY EVE:

So nice to see you-

PIKE:

Oh-b-but? oh!

HORACE:

What's the matter, son?

PIKE:

Who, me?

LADY EVE:

(to HORACE) Isn't your son feeling well?

HORACE:

Charles! What's wrong?

PIKE:

N-nothing? I-I m-mean to say? (to LADY EVE) haven't we met?

LADY EVE:

But of course we have! Your father just introduced us!

HORACE:

Aren't you feeling well?

PIKE:

Uh, sure, but uh-

LADY EVE:

Oh, I'm so sorry! You meant, of course, haven't you met me before someplace-

PIKE:

Yes

LADY EVE:

Oh, very probably, let me see now, where could it have been, uh, Deauville

PIKE:

-No-

LADY EVE:

Biarritz

PIKE:

-No-

LADY EVE:

I know! Le Touquet! You had moustache at the time and tried to meet me at a dance in the casino

PIKE:

-No-

LADY EVE:

Then I give up

HORACE:

Well, then let's have a drink

PIKE:

-It couldn't have been on the "Southern Queen", between here and South America, could it?

LADY EVE:

Oh, I'm afraid not. You see, I've never been in South America-

PIKE:

You've never been in South America

HORACE:

-She's never been in South America!

LADY EVE:

As a matter of fact, I've never been in North America until about three days ago-

PIKE:

-Oh you haven't? Well, then you weren't on the "Southern Queen"-

HORACE:

Say, what's the matter with you

PIKE:

Oh, I'm sorry

LADY EVE:

-Awww? were you in love with her?

HORACE:

Yeah, he was in love with her, but he don't remember what she looked like!

LADY EVE:

(chuckling) Don't let them tease you?you can tell me all about her-

PIKE:

(laughing weakly) Yeah

BUTLER:

Dinner is served

HORACE:

Oh! Come on, let's put on the feed bag

PIKE:

(to EVE) -May I take you in?

LADY EVE:

Oh, ripping! Thank you-

PIKE:

This way, then, we

SFX:

BODY FALLING/GLASS BREAKING/CROWD REACTS

LADY EVE:

-Be carefu-Oh! Are you hurt?

PIKE:

(from off mike) No-I-uh, I just tripped over the sofa-

LADY EVE:

Oh, look you have h'ordeurves (sp.?) all over your shirt

PIKE:

(at mike again) Yes, I'll have to go up and change

LADY EVE:

Oh yes, you are a little sticky

HORACE:

-Now look, son? you haven't been hitting the bottle lately, have you?

LADY EVE:

Oh, of course he hasn't! Anybody's apt to trip

HORACE:

Not over a sofa! That sofa's been there for fifteen years and no one ever fell over it before

LADY EVE:

-Oh well, now the ice is broken! You go upstairs Charles, take a bath, and I'll like you just as much as ever. Toodle-oo!

PIKE:

(off mike) So long? excuse me, thank you-

LADY EVE:

Be careful! Oh

SFX:

BODY FALLING DOWN/CRASH

HORACE:

Not again!

(MFX)

 

SIR ALFRED:

Highly disgraceful! I've never seen such a farce in a respectable house-

JEAN:

-If I didn't hate him so much, I would've felt sorry for him last night! He certainly took some nice falls? and he's going to take a lot more, too! Do you know why he didn't recognize me?

SIR ALFRED:

Yes. I think so-

JEAN:

-No you don't? I hardly recognized him myself. He seemed shorter and bonier. It's because we don't love each other anymore. You see, on the boat we had an awful yen for each other, so I saw him as very tall and very handsome. And he probably thought I had big melting eyes, and a rosebud mouth, and a figure like "Miss Long Beach, The Dream Of The Fleet"-

SIR ALFRED:

-And so you have, for that matter! Well now that you've got him, what are you going to do with him?

JEAN:

Finish what I started. I'm going to dine with him, dance with him, swim with him, laugh at his jokes- er- canoodle with him? and then one day, about six weeks from now, he'll propose!

SIR ALFRED:

But you won't accept!

JEAN:

Oh-ho yes! That's part of the plan!

SIR ALFRED:

Jean!

JEAN:

I know just how it'll happen? we'll be out riding and we'll come to a view that'll be so gorgeous, we'll have to get off our horses to admire it. I think that's when he'll kiss me.

(MFX)

 

SFX:

HORSES RIDING TO A STOP

LADY EVE:

Look Charles! Isn't it lovely?

PIKE:

Let's get off, shall we?

LADY EVE:

Oh right-o!

PIKE:

Here, let me help you-

LADY EVE:

-Thank you? (gasps)? why Charles! You kissed me!

PIKE:

Yes, I did. Eve?

LADY EVE:

Yes, Charles?

PIKE:

Eve, I suppose you know what I thinking about?

LADY EVE:

(chuckle) I have an idea-

PIKE:

The union of two people for life that is, marriage- shouldn't be taken lightly-

LADY EVE:

Oh, how wise you are Charles

SFX:

HORSE WHINNIES

PIKE:

Men, that is, lots of men are more careful in choosing a tailor than they are in choosing a wife

LADY EVE:

-That's probably why they look so funny.

PIKE:

(beat) No dear, they're more careful in choosing a tailor than in choosing a wife-

LADY EVE:

Oh. But not you Charles

PIKE:

That's right. I think if there's one time in your life to be careful, to weigh every pro and con, that this is the time

LADY EVE:

Oh yes, yes? you can't be too careful

PIKE:

That's right! Now you might think that having known you such a short time

LADY EVE:

Oh, I? I feel I've known you always

PIKE:

-That's the way I feel about you.

SFX:

HORSE WHINNIES

PIKE:

I don't just see you here in front of the sunset, but you seem to go way back? I see you here and at the same time further away and then still further away and way, way back in a long place like a-a-

LADY EVE:

- Like a forest glade?

PIKE:

That's right? how did you guess?

LADY EVE:

Because that's where I see you always? we held hands way, way back.

PIKE:

That's remarkable? that's like telepathy!

LADY EVE:

(chuckles) I can read many of your thoughts.

PIKE:

Then I need hardly tell you of the doubts I've had before I brought myself to speak like this, but? I want you to marry me. Oh Eve, you're so beautiful, you're so fine, you're so- so- oh I don't deserve you!

LADY EVE:

Oh but you do Charles! If anybody ever deserved me, you do! So richly!

PIKE:

Eve-

LADY EVE:

Charles

SFX:

HORSE WHINNIES

(MFX)

 

HARRINGTON:

Here's a telegram, Gerald! (reading) "I have caught the sucker sapien! Leaving on honeymoon, tonight! I still despise him. Love, Jean".

GERALD:

If she hates him, why did she marry him? To teach him a lesson or something?

HARRINGTON:

I don't know. Maybe she's going to shoot the beggar!

(MFX)

 

SFX:

TRAIN WHISTLE/TRAIN RUNNING

PIKE:

Comfortable Eve?

LADY EVE:

Oh yes? (begins to laugh)? Oh darling!

PIKE:

(laughing but getting it) What are you laughing at?

LADY EVE:

(still laughing) Oh, it's nothing? it's just that it's so different? it reminds me of that other time-

PIKE:

-What other time was that?

LADY EVE:

You see, we didn't have any money, so we went third class and there was a farmer on the opposite bench with a cheese in his lap? oh, it was very unromantic-

PIKE:

Where were you going

LADY EVE:

-We eloped!

PIKE:

Who eloped?

LADY EVE:

Me- oh it was really nothing, darling? I was only sixteen at the time! I'm sorry I even mentioned it- let's pretend I didn't, hm?

PIKE:

(getting angry) Who did you elope with?

LADY EVE:

Oh, now I've planted a seed in your mind! Are you sure you want to know-

PIKE:

-Who was it?

LADY EVE:

Angus.

PIKE:

Angus-

LADY EVE:

Oh, I assure you darling, he was no one of the slightest importance. He he was just a groom on father's estate-

PIKE:

A groom

LADY EVE:

(as if telling a really funny story) -Well, not really the groom, of course. He-he used to put on the groom's uniform on his day off, and then he'd be the groom that day. The rest of the time he was just a stable boy-

PIKE:

(growing more upset) A stable boy

LADY EVE:

(laughing) -Yes! A boy who cleans up the stables! (noticing how upset PIKE is) Aw, now you're upset! But it was nothing, darling, nothing at all. We ran away, but they caught us and brought us back. And that's all there was to it? except they discharged him.

PIKE:

Good! (beat) When they brought you back, it was before nightfall, I trust-

LADY EVE:

Oh no

PIKE:

-You were out all night?

LADY EVE:

(laughing again) My dear, it took them weeks to find us! You see, we made up different names at the different inns we stayed at. Oh, you'd die laughing at some of the names we thought of-

PIKE:

Yes, I'm sure I would

LADY EVE:

Oh, now you're upset

PIKE:

-Well, who wouldn't be?

LADY EVE:

Oh Charles!

SFX:

EXTERIOR TRAIN CHUGGING ALONG

LADY EVE:

Charles, please stop pacing back and forth? you're making me dizzy-

PIKE:

Eve

LADY EVE:

-Yes darling?

PIKE:

If there's one thing that distinguishes a man from a beast, it's the ability to understand, and, understanding, forgive. Surely the qualities of mercy, understanding, and sweet forgiveness-

LADY EVE:

Sweet what

PIKE:

(still a little upset) -Sweet forgiveness!

LADY EVE:

Oh.

PIKE:

I won't conceal from you that I wish this hadn't happened. But it has and so it has. A girl of 16 is practically an idiot anyway, so I can't very well blame you for something that was practically done by somebody else. I want to thank you for being so frank. The name of Angus will never cross my lips again and I hope that you will do likewise. Now let us smile and be as we were.

LADY EVE:

I knew I could confide in you? I suppose that's why I fell in love with you.

PIKE:

Thank you.

LADY EVE:

I wonder if now would be the time to tell you about Herman.

PIKE:

(verbal double take) Herman- Herman? Who was Herman?

(MFX)

 

SFX:

EXTERIOR TRAIN CHUGGING ALONG

LADY EVE:

(finishing a story) And that's all! I said goodbye to Vernon the next day

PIKE:

-Vernon! I thought you said Herman!

LADY EVE:

Vernon was Herman's friend-

PIKE:

-What a friend!

(MFX)

 

SFX:

EXTERIOR TRAIN CHUGGING ALONG

PIKE:

Cecil-

LADY EVE:

-It's pronounced "CEH-cil".

(MFX)

 

SFX:

EXTERIOR TRAIN CHUGGING ALONG

LADY EVE:

What did you say, dear?

PIKE:

I said, "How do you mean 'Hubert OR Herbert'"?

LADY EVE:

They were John's twin cousins.

PIKE:

John? Who was John?

SFX:

TRAIN RUNNING/WHISTLE BLOWING/COMPARTMENT DOOR SLAMMING SHUT

PIKE:

Let me out of here!!

(MFX)

 

HARRINGTON:

What's the matter with you, Jean? They want to make a settlement! His father's on the phone right now-

JEAN:

-Tell'em I don't want to talk!

GERALD:

(on phone) Hello? Yes, she doesn't want to tal-

HARRINGTON:

No, no. Hold on Gerald! Hold on? now listen Jean! They'll give you half when you leave for Reno, and the balance at the end of six weeks! For once we have a chance to make some honest money

JEAN:

Oh tell'em to go peel an eel

HARRINGTON:

-I don't think you realize the beauty of your situation! You're holding a royal flush!

GERALD:

(to JEAN) You've got him right by the ears, Jean!

HARRINGTON:

You know, I had nothing to do with this arrangement. But now that you're in it, you might as well go all the way!

JEAN:

Gimmee the phone!

HARRINGTON:

That's the girl-

GERALD:

-Here you are!

JEAN:

(in her EVE voice) Hello? Mr. Pike? This is Eve! I-uh, I'm awfully sorry about the trouble I've made you all. I thought I had a reason, but now I- well I just wanted to tell you this. I won't see any lawyers, because there's nothing to see them about. I don't want any money-

HARRINGTON:

Jean

JEAN:

(in her EVE voice) I don't want anything. He can have back his jewelry and anything else there is

HARRINGTON:

My own daughter, knifing me in the back

JEAN:

(in her EVE voice) And I'll go to Reno at my own expense. I think that's only fair. There's only one thing I do want, Mr. Pike? I want to see him first, and I I want him to ask me to be free. That's all. No money, no nothing, but there's something I want to say to him? before we part? what? He's already gone? Gone where? Havana? oh, I see? thank you Mr. Pike.

SFX:

PHONE HANGS UP

HARRINGTON:

Well, you certainly fixed it!

JEAN:

Hurry! Get your things packed-

HARRINGTON:

-I refuse to go to Reno with you!

JEAN:

Reno? We're going to Havana!

(MFX)

 

SFX:

CRUISE SHIP/CROWD/DOCK NOISE

HARRINGTON:

I don't see him, my dear. Do you suppose he missed the boat-

JEAN:

-He didn't miss it! There he is at the bar!

HARRINGTON:

Where? Oh, yes-

JEAN:

Now he's turning away? he's coming over here

HARRINGTON:

-Do you suppose he's seen us?

JEAN:

He will in a minute!

HARRINGTON:

Stick out your foot, my dear!

SFX:

BODY FALLING DOWN

JEAN:

Ow! Why don't you look- Why Hopsy!

PIKE:

"Hopsy"? Jean, what are you- Jean!

HARRINGTON:

(heartily) Hello, my boy-

PIKE:

Colonel

JEAN:

What a surprise, Hopsy

PIKE:

I'm sorry, but if you knew what it meant for me to find you again! Can we go to your cabin or someplace, huh

HARRINGTON:

Now just a minute

PIKE:

(going away from mike) -Oh Colonel, I'm delighted to see you again, too! We must play cards again this trip! Lots and lots of cards! Come on Jean, come on!

(MFX)

 

SFX:

CABIN DOOR CLOSE

JEAN:

Hopsy-

PIKE:

-Oh Jean? I'm going to kiss you?

JEAN:

Hopsy, darling? oh why didn't you take me in your arms that day on the boat? Why did you let me go? Don't you know you're the only man I ever loved? Don't you know I waited all my life for you, you big mug?

PIKE:

Will you forgive me, Jean-

JEAN:

-For what? Oh, you mean on the boat! The question is, can you forgive me?

PIKE:

What for?

JEAN:

(chuckling) You still don't understand, do you? We'll have to have a long talk-

PIKE:

I don't want to understand, I don't want to know? whatever it is, keep it to yourself! All I know is I adore you? but there's just one thing I feel it's only fair to tell you? it would never have happened except that she looked so exactly like you? and I've no right to be in your cabin

JEAN:

-Why?

PIKE:

Because? I'm married!

JEAN:

But so am I, darling? so am I!

(MFX)

 

SFX:

APPLAUSE

KENNEDY:

In a moment, our stars will return for their curtain call. And after that, the President will be on the air! But first, here's a young lady who's just had a bright idea-

RUTHIE:

Hands up Bill-

BILL:

(chuckling) -Hey Ruthie! What's this?

RUTHIE:

(chuckling) It's a skein of wool for that service sweater I'm making you! And you can help me wind it! Here, let me slip it over your wrist?now I'll start winding? there! See how fast it goes?

BILL:

Aw, don't hurry! This is a break for me! Why, I could just sit here and look at you! Oh gosh honey, but you're pretty!

KENNEDY:

Well? that's how it is with Lux Girls! You know, there's something quite irresistible about a fresh, lovely complexion! A lovely, Lux Toilet Soap complexion! And clever girls don't take chances with this charm; they use gentle Lux Toilet Soap regularly. They know what this fine, white soap can do to help keep skin soft and appealing! For Lux Toilet Soap has rich, active lather that removes stale cosmetics and every trace of dust and dirt from the skin! Here's the active, lather facial our pretty Lux girl depends on and never neglects a single day-

RUTHIE:

I pat the creamy Lux soap lather lightly in, rinse with warm water, then a dash of cool and pat with a soft towel to dry. My skin feels so beautifully smooth afterwards!

KENNEDY:

Try this Lux Toilet Soap beauty facial for thirty days! See what it can do to make your complexion lovelier! Remember famous screen stars use this simple care. It's right for delicate skin. Get three cakes of smooth, white Lux Toilet Soap, tomorrow! Now, here's Mr. DeMille with our stars!

DE MILLE:

We've said "goodbye" to "The Lady Eve". But here comes Barbara Stanwyck, Henry Fonda, and Charles Coburn for a curtain call-

STANWYCK:

-Thank you C.B.! It's grand being back again!

DE MILLE:

You know, I rather glad to see Henry getting that rough treatment tonight!

FONDA:

There's a pal for you! What'd I ever do to you, C.B.?

DE MILLE:

(chuckling) Well, I just thought that after you had stolen Ginger Rogers away from Caesar Romero in "Tales From Manhattan", you had a little punishment coming.

CHARLES COBURN:

The heroine really seems to take a beating in all of those De Mille pictures Barbara-

STANWYCK:

-I should know Charles, I went through it once!

FONDA:

Most of the male stars have never hit a lady in their lives until they work for De Mille-

STANWYCK:

-Well, don't make it a habit, Hank; it isn't something women are sure to enjoy like, well, like Lux Soap, for instance! I may have said this before C.B., but it'll stand repeating? I think Lux Soap is wonderful for the complexion; I've used it for years!

DE MILLE:

Well, like old friends Barbara, Lux Soap never fails!

CHARLES COBURN:

What have you got on the schedule for next Monday, C.B.?

DE MILLE:

Just about a thrill-a-minute Charles! Because our play is the Warner Brothers hit, "Manpower"! And starring in it will be Edward G. Robinson, Marlene Dietrich, and George Raft! It's an action-packed drama of the courageous men who work on the power lines of the nation! A story of the man-power behind the electric power? and the woman-power behind the man-power!! The high-tension cast is headed by Marlene Dietrich, George Raft, and Edward G. Robinson!

STANWYCK:

That should mean "standing room only", C.B.! I certainly won't miss it!!

CHARLES COBURN:

And it's just about time for President Roosevelt, Vice-President Wallace, and Secretary Wickard to speak now-

FONDA:

Well, we better get a comfortable seat and get ready to hear them. Good night everyone

STANWYCK:

Good night

CHARLES COBURN:

-Good night!

SFX:

APPLAUSE

(MFX)

 

DE MILLE:

A big thanks for "The Lady Eve"! Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when "The Lux Radio Theatre" presents George Raft, Edward G. Robinson, and Marlene Dietrich in "Manpower"! This is Cecil B Demille saying good night to you from Hollywood!!

SFX:

APPLAUSE

KENNEDY:

Barbara Stanwyck will soon be seen in the Paramount Picture "The Great Man's Lady" and Henry Fonda in 20 Century Fox's "The Ox-Bow Incident". Charles Coburn is currently appearing in Warner Brothers' production of "Kings Row". The picture "Lady Eve" was written and directed by Preston Sturges, whose current picture is "Sullivan's Travels", starring Joel McCrea and Veronica Lake. Tune in Next Monday night to hear Marlene Dietrich, Edward G. Robinson, and George Raft in "Manpower"! Our music was directed by Louis Silvers, and your announcer has been John Milton Kennedy! This is the Columbia Broadcasting System!