Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Our Miss Brooks
Show: Christmas Gift Mix-Up
Date: Dec 20 1953

Announcer:

And now, "Our Miss Brooks!"

MFX:

THEME UP, HOLD, THEN OUT

Announcer:

Well, with the Christmas holidays so close at hand, Our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, is faced with a few problems common to many of us: First, she still has all her Christmas shopping to do, and second, she has very little time to do it in%u2026

Brooks:

And third, she has NO money to do it with! (pause if laugh) Least I have very LITTLE money. Twenty dollars to be exact. And considering the people I usually give presents to, I knew that wouldn't go very far. After thinking it over for a while, however, I arrived at the only possible solution to my
dilemma, which I conveyed to my landlady at breakfast last Wednesday morning.

Mrs. Davis:

Then you're going to spend the entire twenty dollars on a gift for Mr. Boynton, Connie??

Brooks:

Yes, it's the only thing I can do, Mrs. Davis. I think I should be able to get him a nice gift for twenty dollars. It's better than giving a number of my friends a lot of trash, don't you agree?

Mrs. Davis:

(hesitant) I%u2026.uh%u2026. I suppose so, dear. I know I certainly didn't expect anything from you! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Well, I'm glad%u2026.

Mrs. Davis:

(interrupting and cynical) After all! What difference does it make that I cook your meals all year 'round? And that I make up your room every day? And that I never badger you for the rent when you get six weeks behind! (pause if laugh) Or that I'm constantly helping you with your problems, as if you were my own daughter. I do it out of the goodness of my heart! (pause if laugh) And I CERTAINLY don't expect anything in return!

Brooks:

If I crawled under the rug, I wouldn't even make a bump! (pause if laugh) But Mrs. Davis! We agreed we wouldn't exchange presents this year!

Mrs. Davis:

Of COURSE we did, Connie. So you stick to our agreement. After all, what difference does it make if I happen to forget and order YOU a beautiful gift?

Brooks:

You ordered me a gift?

Mrs. Davis:

Oh, dear! It slipped out! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Well, slip it back in! (pause) Perhaps it wasn't as much of a sacrifice for you as it was%u2026.

Mrs. Davis:

(interrupting) What difference does it make that I far exceeded my budget to get it for you? (pause) Sooooo, I'll just eat a little less for the next six months. (pause if laugh) Just because the spirit of the season has swept me away, doesn't mean it has to sweep you, too!

Brooks:

Sweep me? It might easily clean me out! (pause if laugh) Well, I suppose I actually should give you a gift, too, since we're so close.

Mrs. Davis:

Now dear, you'll do no such thing! Don't give it another thought.

Brooks:

Well, all right!

Mrs. Davis:

I can count on perfectly well, squeezing oranges by hand for another year. (pause if laugh) Just because I can hardly straighten out my poor fingers when I'm through, is no concern of yours! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Then you want a finger straightener%u2026.uhhh, I mean an orange juice squeezer.

Mrs. Davis:

(very pleased) Why, Connie! HOW did you know?

Brooks:

It was just a wild guess.

Mrs. Davis:

But the ten dollars they want at Sheri's is much more than I'll let you spend.

Brooks:

Well then I%u2026.

Mrs. Davis:

(interrupting) So, if you'll just give me seven dollars cash, I'll get the squeezer at McGinty's Sales Company. I happen to have an exclusive introductory credit card there. It's the only thing that will let you in, and it entitles you to a third off on everything.

Brooks:

As I say, I should be able to get Mr. Boynton a nice gift for thirteen dollars! (pause if laugh) I'll give you the money as soon as I get my bag.

Mrs. Davis:

Thanks, dear. Now I'll tell you what I got for you. It's something I felt was VERY personal.

Brooks:

Something personal? What is it?

Mrs. Davis:

A chess set!

Brooks:

(a bit puzzled) A chess set?

Mrs. Davis:

Yes, dear. I know how Mr. Boynton loves the game. And it will give you two something to do together on those long winter evenings. That is, if you know how the game goes.

Brooks:

Certainly! Right out the window! (pause if laugh) It was very thoughtful of you, Mrs. Davis.

SFX:

CAR HORN HONKING OUTSIDE

Brooks:

Oh, there's Walter to drive me to school. (calling) Be right out, Walter! (to Mrs. Davis) I'd better be going, Mrs. Davis.

Mrs. Davis:

All right, dear. Well, I intend to do the rest of my shopping this morning. So I'll drop off your present at school. Maybe you and Mr. Boynton can use it in the cafeteria at lunch.

Brooks:

We might at that. Those chessmen ought to taste a lot more tender than the rest of the food. (pause if laugh)

MFX:

INTERLUDE

SFX:

CAR MOTOR SOUND, FADES

Brooks:

Walter, is it my imagination, or are you driving more carefully today?

Walter:

Well, I was hoping you'd notice, dear teacher! Yeah, I'm driving particularly carefully today. You see, as part of her Christmas present, my mother gave me new bumpers for this car! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

What happened? Pedestrians finally wear out your old ones? (pause) Well, that was a thoughtful gift, but isn't it a little early to be receiving Christmas presents?

Walter:

(chuckles) Oh, no ma'am! No indeed! I must have received three quarters of my gifts already. Particularly from my close friends at school. (pause) Oh, yeah! They've already given me their gift. (pause) Three quarters of them. (chuckles) Maybe even seven-eights! (pause) Matter of fact, I can only think of one or two who haven't.

Brooks:

(seeing though Walter) Matter of fact, I think I'LL get out and walk! (pause if laugh)

Walter:

Ah! There's nothing like the spirit of giving at Christmas, is there? Ya know, of course, a kid like me who operates on a limited budget, can only exchange gifs with his nearest relatives and his closest and more intimate friends. Isn't that so, Miss Brooks?

Brooks:

(emphatically) It CERTAINLY is, stranger! (pause if laugh) In essence I agree with you, Walter. But the truth of the matter is I only have thirteen dollars for my Christmas shopping. That leaves me with just enough money for a gift for Mr. Boynton. Now do you understand?

Walter:

(dejected) Uhhhhhh, I guess I do. Well, I certainly didn't expect anything from you, Miss Brooks.

Brooks:

I'm glad%u2026.

Walter:

(interrupting) So, after all, what difference does it make that I pick you up, and drive you to school every day all year 'round? (pause if laugh) Or, that I spend half of my time at school running errands for you? You do whatever you want to, Miss Brooks. (emphatic) But NO ONE ELSE is going to receive the beautiful present that I selected for you.

Brooks:

You bought ME a present? Already?

Walter:

Now, please forget about it, will ya?

Brooks:

All right then!

Walter:

After all, I'm getting enough gifts without that seven dollar briefcase at Sheri's that I've wanted more than anything else in the world.

Brooks:

Walter, I'd like to buy the briefcase for you, but seven dollars is rather high.

Walter:

Oh! MUCH too high, Miss Brooks! So, I wouldn't let you spend that much money for anything!

Brooks:

Good!

Walter:

So, if you give me five dollars in cash, I'll get the same thing at McGinty's! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

As I say, eight dollars ought to buy a fine gift for Mr. Boynton. (pause if laugh)

Walter:

I have an exclusive introductory credit card at McGinty's. Everything at a third off. It's the only card that'll let you in.

Brooks:

At the moment, that isn't what worries me.

Walter:

No? Well, then, what does, Miss Brooks?

Brooks:

Does McGinty print a card that will let me out?

MFX:

STING TO TRANSITION

Brooks:

Walter, there's no reason to sneak past Mr. Conklin's office, even if we are five minutes late.

Walter:

But Miss Brooks! You KNOW how Mr. Conklin feels about such things. What would you say if he DID suddenly step out of his office?

SFX:

DOOR OPENING

Osgood:

Good morning, Miss Brooks.

Brooks:

(short scream of surprise) (pause if laugh) Does that answer your question, Walter? (pause) Mister Conklin, I realize we're a little late, sir, but if you'll only%u2026.

Osgood:

(interrupting) Tut, tut, tut, tut my dear. Don't give it a second thought. I'm delighted to give my students and faculty a little latitude this time of year. (magnanimously) It's the CHRISTMAS SEASON! And I'm filled with the spirit of peace on Earth and good will to all men!

Brooks:

Well, it's nice of you to extend it to females and young boys. (pause if laugh)

Osgood:

Not at all, Miss Brooks. Now will you come into my office, please. I have something to ask you.

Brooks:

But sir, I'm five minutes late now%u2026

Osgood:

(interrupting) And you'll be five minutes later. Into my office.

Brooks:

Yes, sir. See you later, Walter.

Walter:

(off mic) Yeah, bye, Miss Brooks.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSING

Osgood:

Now, sit down, my dear, sit right down, and I'll get directly to the point. I want some advice from you, Miss Brooks.

Brooks:

Some advice?

Osgood:

Yes, about a gift. I'm doing my Christmas shopping this afternoon. I want you to be sure to tell me what you want before I leave.

Brooks:

But sir! I didn't think you approved of faculty members exchanging gifts!

Osgood:

Oh, I DON'T, Miss Brooks. It's just that I happen to be imbued with the spirit of giving %u2026the spirit of Christmas. And if I chose to remember my teachers, I CERTAINLY don't expect any loot%u2026ah%u2026gifts in return. (pause if laugh) Of course, if my teachers INSIST on showing their appreciation for the many little favors I've done for them in the past, why, I'm POWERLESS to stop them! (chuckles) (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

(dejected) I'm hooked. (more brightly) Uhhh, I was wondering what I could get you for Christmas, sir? Could you give me a suggestion? Something you particularly needed or wanted (pause) for about fifty cents. (pause if laugh)

Osgood:

My dear, I want you to forget even the MENTION of the word 'gifts' this morning. Dismiss it from your mind! Besides, I smoke too much, anyway. (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Smoke?

Osgood:

Yes, and ten dollars is too much for anyone to pay for the alligator tobacco pouch I've always wanted! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Well, sir, I'd certainly like to get it for you, but that IS rather expensive%u2026.

Osgood:

(interrupting) Ten dollars IS FAR, FAR too expensive! I wouldn't dream of letting you spend that much money.

Brooks:

Well, I'm glad, because I%u2026.

Osgood:

(interrupting) Though, if you have the money with you, I know JUST where I can get it for seven. (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

MURDERED AGAIN BY McGINTY'S! (pause if laugh)

MFX:

INTERLUDE

SFX:

DOOR OPENING

Boynton:

Ah! Here we are, Miss Brooks. My dessert and coffee, and I brought you a piece of pineapple pie a la mode.

Brooks:

(excited) Why, Mr. Boynton! What a thoughtful Christmas present!

Boynton:

(confused) Christmas present?

Brooks:

(slightly cynical) Why, it's EXACTLY what I've always wanted! (pause if laugh) You shouldn't have gone to all that extra expense!

Boynton:

What extra expense?

Brooks:

The pineapple pie would have been enough. You should have kept the a la mode for my birthday! (pause if laugh) Pineapple pie a la mode! As I always say, Mr. Boynton, let the other women get their mink coats and pearl necklaces, just give me a gift that touches you right in the stomach..ah%u2026heart! (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

Oh! I get it now! (chuckles) You're joking! (laughs)

Brooks:

(LONG pause) (dryly) I was afraid you'd see it that way. (pause if laugh) But Mr. Boynton, this actually would be enough. After all, it's the spirit of giving that counts, rather than the gift itself.

Boynton:

Well, not entirely, Miss Brooks. True, the spirit must be there, but the gift is important, too! I've ordered you a beautiful gift! I know how you are about giving gifts of equal value, and I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

Brooks:

You've picked a fine time to start. It's very thoughtful of you, Mr. Boynton, VERY thoughtful. Particularly, since I joined the Christmas club a year ago, and put away a dollar a week just for your gift.

Boynton:

(disbelief) Fifty-two dollars?? For MY present?

Brooks:

Fifty-two seventy-five! They pay interest! But just because we've given each other gifts of equal value in the past, I don't want that to influence you this Christmas.

Boynton:

(still in disbelief) FIFTY-TWO DOLLARS!

Brooks:

Uh huh! And that, combined with the thirty dollars I borrowed from Mrs. Davis, ought to buy you a very nice gift.

Boynton:

Miss Brooks, I've just been thinking.

Brooks:

I hope you've been thinking what I think you've been thinking! (pause if laugh) Yes, Mr. Boynton?

Boynton:

(stammering) Well, af%u2014after all, it it it's really the SPIRIT of giving that counts, rather than the gift itself!

Brooks:

You've convinced me. Here! This package is for you, and Merry Christmas!

Boynton:

For me? You got this for me? (excited) Must I wait until Christmas? Or may I open it now? What's inside, Miss Brooks?

Brooks:

YES%u2026YES%u2026NO%u2026YES%u2026CHESS. (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

(delighted) A chess set! What a wonderful present!

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Brooks:

Well, I was going to get you a few more gifts, but since you convinced me%u2026

Harriet:

(cheerfully) Hi, Miss Brooks! Hi, Mr. Boynton!

Boynton:

Well, hello, Harriet!

Harriet:

Mr. Boynton, daddy wants to see you in his office right away! Something about signing a requisition for some test tubes you wanted.

Boynton:

Oh, thank you, Harriet.

Harriet:

And Miss Brooks, your landlady called and she want you to call back when you can. (pause) Now, let's see%u2026Is there someone I've forgotten?

Brooks:

Better look under the table to make sure. (pause if laugh) Did Mrs. Davis say what she wanted me to call her about?

Harriet:

No. But she said she'd keep the receiver off the hook so her line would be open when you called. (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

There's something wrong with that. But offhand, I don't know just what.

Boynton:

Well, I'd better get up to Mr. Conklin's office and get that requisition signed. (pause) Thanks again for the gift, Miss Brooks! It really was quite unexpected!

Brooks:

YES! For BOTH of us! I mean%u2026BOTH of us may use it.

Boynton:

Of course! Well, see you later, Miss Brooks.

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS GOING AWAY

Harriet:

I'll walk to the phone with you, Miss Brooks.

Brooks:

All right, Harriet.

SFX:

TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS UNDER FOLLOWING

Brooks:

Well, how has Santa been treating you so far, dear?

Harriet:

Oh, not too badly! Walter gave me a slave bracelet, but I don't think I'll wear it.

Brooks:

Why not?

Harriet:

(a little disappointed) You should see what he had engraved on it! Finder: Please return this girl to Walter Denton. (pause if laugh)

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS STOP

Brooks:

Why, I think that's cute, Harriet! If a certain party gave ME one of those bracelets, I think I might enjoy getting lost! Now excuse me, dear, while I make this call.

Harriet:

OK, bye, Miss Brooks.

SFX:

ONE SET OF FOOTSTEPS GOING AWAY

SFX:

DIME INTO PAY PHONE

SFX:

DIALING PHONE

SFX:

RINGING TWICE IN EARPIECE THEN OFF HOOK

Mrs. Davis:

(on telephone) Hello?

Brooks:

Hello, Mrs. Davis%u2026Connie.

Mrs. Davis:

Oh, Connie! Well, how did you like the gift I gave you?

Brooks:

Oh, it's lovely, Mrs. Davis! Simply lovely!

Mrs. Davis:

I KNEW you'd be enthusiastic over that black silk negligee!

Brooks:

Well, certainly, it's something that Mr. Boynton and I can%u2026 (suddenly gets it) BLACK SILK NEGLIGEE????? (pause for laugh) OH NO!

Mrs. Davis:

I intimated it was a chess set, Connie. Just to throw you off the track!

Brooks:

And you DID! Right into the path of a screaming locomotive! (pause if laugh)

Mrs. Davis:

(confused) Was the negligee the wrong size, dear?

Brooks:

Well, I'm not sure. But I think Mr. Boynton takes a 38. (pause if laugh)

Mrs. Davis:

Speak louder, Connie. It sounded almost like you said Mr. Boynton.

Brooks:

I've got to hang up now, Mrs. Davis! I just gave somebody a gift, and I've got to get it back before he opens it.

Mrs. Davis:

Why? Do you think he won't like it, Connie?

Brooks:

Oh, not exactly, Mrs. Davis. It's something that ALL men like, but on somebody ELSE! (pause if laugh)

MFX:

TRANSITION

SFX:

KNOCK ON DOOR

Osgood:

Come in!

SFX:

DOOR OPENING

Osgood:

Ah! Come in, Boynton! Come in!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSE

Osgood:

Sit right down, my boy!

Boynton:

Thank you, Mr. Conklin. I came in to sign that requisition for those test tubes. I know it needs both our signatures.

Osgood:

Ah, yes! Here, use this fountain pen, Boynton. A Christmas gift from Miss Enright. A FABULOUSLY generous person! (pause) Not that I expect gifts from my faculty members, mind you. Why, last year there were three teachers who gave me NOTHING for Christmas, and ONE of them is STILL with us! (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

Ahh (pause) (uncertain) Yes sir.

Osgood:

Merry Christmas, Boynton.

Boynton:

Oh! And a Merry Christmas to you, sir!

Osgood:

Is that ALL, Boynton? (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

(slightly panicked) No, sir! And a Happy New Year! (pause if laugh)

Osgood:

(slowly) I had a feeling you'd say that. (pause) Mr. Boynton, if you'll pardon my curiosity, just WHAT is that gaily- wrapped parcel you're carrying under your arm?

Boynton:

(nervous chuckle) Oh, it's nothing, sir. Just a little present I%u2026

Osgood:

(interrupting and magnanimous) OH! THANK YOU SO MUCH! (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

(protesting) But sir! %u2026

Osgood:

(interrupting coyly) So, you were teasing your old principal, eh, Boynton? (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

(stammering) N..n..no, sir, it's only that%u2026

Osgood:

(interrupting) Never mind what it is, Boynton! It's not what a gift IS that counts, but the spirit in which it is given. (quickly) What is it, Boynton? (pause if laugh)

Boynton:

It's a chess set, sir.

Osgood:

(pleased) SPLENDID! Just what I need! I know JUST where I can exchange it for IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED! (pause if laugh) Now go right ahead, Boynton. Sign that requisition, and we'll put it in the works at once.

Boynton:

All right, and thank you, sir.

Osgood:

(magnanimously) FORGET IT, Boynton! Just consider those test tubes as MY Christmas present to you! (pause of laugh)

MFX:

TRANSITION

Brooks:

(off mic calling) Mister Boynton!

SFX:

WOMAN'S FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Brooks:

(on mic and out of breath) Oh, Mr. Boynton, I'm glad I finally found you! I missed you right after lunch.

Boynton:

Goodness, Miss Brooks! You're breathless!

Brook:

Please! This is NO time for flattery! (pause if laugh) Oh, you mean I'm winded. You know I've been looking for you after every period since noon. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to return that gift I gave you. There's been a slight mistake, and I'll have to exchange it.

Boynton:

(embarrassed) Uhhh%u2026 the gift you gave me? Well, you can't exchange it, Miss Brooks. (pause as if thinking up an excuse) I%u2026.I used it during my free period! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Wasn't it a little skimpy around the hips? (pause if laugh) I..I mean%u2026you opened it already?

Boynton:

Well%u2026.I%u2026I haven't exactly opened it, but I LIKE chess! It's my favorite game.

Brooks:

Believe me, Mr. Boynton. In this thing you COULDN'T make a move! (pause if laugh) Look! I REALLY must have it back. You see, I gave you the WRONG present by mistake.

Boynton:

(sheepishly) Oh, well then I may as well tell you the truth. I gave it to Mr. Conklin as a Christmas present. I hadn't intended to, but before I knew it, he seemed to take possession of it!

Brooks:

(a little upset) You gave HIM the gift I gave YOU? Mr. Boynton, I'm SHOCKED! How could you bring yourself to give away a gift someone else had given you? If you knew the time and thought and effort I put in to select a gift that would suit your personality%u2026.

Boynton:

Really, Miss Brooks, it all happened so quickly I had no alternative but%u2026

Brooks:

(interrupting) Please, Mr. Boynton. NO excuses! (pause) I STILL think you were QUITE negligee..uh NEGLIGENT! (pause if laugh) Well, I've got to get it back at once, so here goes.

Boynton:

Well, good luck, Miss Brooks!

SFX:

KNOCK ON DOOR

Osgood:

Come in.

SFX:

DOOR OPENING

Osgood:

(delighted) Why, Miss Brooks! Come in, my dear!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSING

Osgood:

Well, have you decided what little gift you'd like from your principal this year?

Brooks:

Well, frankly, I'm undecided, sir, between a LITTLE diamond wristwatch, and a LITTLE alligator handbag.

Osgood:

(cynically) How about a LITTLE psychoanalysis? (pause if laugh) Remember: This is Osgood Conklin you're talking to Miss Brooks, NOT Daddy Warbucks! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Fortunately, Mr. Conklin, I managed to obtain one of those exclusive personal discount cards from the McGinty Sales Company. A little boy was handing them out in the street. And if you gave me the cash, I'm certain I could get a certain watch for well under fifty dollars.

Osgood:

(incredulous) Fifty dollars?? (lecturing) Miss Brooks, I am just as susceptible to the infectious generosity of the season as the next man. But I do not intend to allow that infection to KILL OFF MY ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS! (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Well, Mr. Conklin, next to the watch and the handbag, the only thing I want is a chess set.

Osgood:

A chess set! Here, Miss Brooks, EXACTLY what I got for you, take it! It's yours! Merry Christmas!

Brooks:

(feigning surprise) MY! What a delightful surprise!

Osgood:

(chuckles) I'm glad you like it, Miss Brooks. You just can't imagine the time and the thought I put into the selection of your gift! (pause if laugh) Truly, my dear, it was quite a struggle to get it!

Brooks:

Well, I'm glad he didn't give it up without a fight. (pause if laugh) My! You certainly have a lovely collection of presents in here, Mr. Conklin.

Osgood:

(sternly) There's still one teacher I haven't heard from yet. Mr. Perkins in the math department.

SFX:

KNOCK ON DOOR

Osgood:

(calling) Come in, and bring it with you! (pause if laugh)

SFX:

DOOR OPEN

Osgood:

(surprised) Why, MR. stone!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSE

Stone:

HELLO, CONKLIN and Miss Brooks! Season's greetings to you both!

Brooks:

And the same to you, sir.

Stone:

Oh, here, Conklin. I brought over this gift for you.

Osgood:

Oh%u2026ah%u2026.er%u2026(pause) Ah%u2026..thank you, Mr. Stone.

Stone:

Oh (laughs heartily) Forget I'm head of the School Board today, Conklin! Get into the old Christmas spirit! ENJOY YOURSELF! RELAX! SMILE!

Osgood:

(long nervous chuckle) (pause if audience laugh)

Stone:

Have you give out all of your gifts yet, Osgood?

Osgood:

Gifts? (pause) Oh! OH, YES! Miss Brooks just finished wrapping yours, Mr. Stone. (pause if laugh) Here!

Brooks:

(protesting) Oh, but, sir! That package is%u2026.

Osgood:

(interrupting) Yes, Miss Brooks? You were saying?

Brooks:

(cynically) May you get many years of use out of your gift, Mr. Stone! (pause if laugh) And for longer life, rinse it out every night and hang it up in the bathroom. (pause if laugh)

Stone:

Oh? Is it a shirt, Conklin?

Osgood:

Ohhh, no sir!

Stone:

Handkerchiefs?

Osgood:

No.

Stone:

Socks?

Osgood:

No, but I'll give you a hint: Two people can use it at the same time. (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

If they're midgets! (pause if laugh)

Stone:

Two can use it at the same time, eh? OH! Is it something that can be used outdoors on an athletic field? (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

Possibly. (pause) But it might be a little chilly for night games! (pause if laugh)

Osgood:

Mr. Stone, why don't you open it, and see for yourself?

Stone:

(excited) Oh, ho! You don't have to ask me twice, Conklin! I'm just as curious as a little child at Christmas!

SFX:

WRAPPING PAPER BEING TORN OFF

Stone:

(chuckles) Hey! (suddenly distressed) OHHHHHHH! (pause if laugh) CONKLIN! I%u2026I don't understand!

Osgood:

(hasn't seen it yet) Well, WHAT could be nicer than a black silk negligee? It's the perfect gift for you, sir! And I know you'll get many years of pleasure and use%u2026(suddenly realizes) (screaming) WHAT COULD BE NICER THAN A BLACK SILK NEGLIGEE???? (pause for laugh) MISTER STONE, BELIEVE ME! I%u2026

Stone:

(interrupting incensed) CONKLIN! I HAVE HEARD OF ASSININE PRACTICAL JOKES BEFORE! BUT PULLING A TRICK LIKE THIS ON CHRISTMAS IS AN ABSOLUTE INSULT!

Osgood:

(stuttering) M%u2026m%u2026m%u2026mister S%u2026s%u2026stone, I can explain. It was a simple natural error. You see, when I got this from Mr. Boynton%u2026.(long pause) (calmly) Miss Brooks? WHY did Mr. Boynton give me a black silk negligee? (pause if laugh)

Brooks:

I can't understand, either, sir. Pale blue is much more your color! (pause if laugh) I just can't understand at all.

Stone:

Conklin! I'm STILL waiting for an explanation!

SFX:

KNOCK ON DOOR

Osgood:

(fearfully) Come in.

SFX:

DOOR OPENING

Boynton:

Mrs. Davis wanted to see Miss Brooks on an urgent matter, sir.

Mrs. Davis:

That's right, Osgood!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSING

Mrs. Davis:

Oh, hello, Mr. Stone!

Stone:

Hello, Mrs. Davis.

Mrs. Davis:

(excited) Oh, Connie! There's the negligee I gave you! I see you've opened it.

Boynton:

(confused) WHAT? Miss Brooks, you mean you gave me a gift that someone else had given you for Christmas?

Brooks:

Well, you see%u2026

Osgood:

(interrupting) Boynton! You mean you gave me a gift someone else had given you?

Boynton:

Well, sir I%u2026.

Stone:

(interrupting) CONKLIN! You mean you gave ME a gift that three other people had given you? (pause if laugh)

Osgood:

(stuttering) Well, I%u2026.I%u2026I%u2026I%u2026

Brooks:

(interrupting) That night gown has more mileage on it than a 1928 Ford! (pause if laugh)

Stone:

(still mad) I don't quite understand what's going on around here. But if your idea of a joke is to hand me a (shouting) CHEAP NIGHTGOWN! (pause if laugh)

Mrs. Davis:

MISTER STONE! That is NOT a cheap nightgown! It cost twenty-two dollars and fifty cents!

Stone:

(more calm) Twenty-two fifty? Hmmmmm! SAY! It IS rather pretty at that! (pause if laugh) Conklin, perhaps I've been a little hasty! I think MRS. Stone will be delighted with your thoughtful gift!

Osgood:

Well, I'm afraid I DID give you the wrong gift, Mr. Stone. I had really intended that for Mrs. Conklin.

Boynton:

(protesting) But, Mr. Conklin! I was going to give it to my mother!

Brooks:

If you were, she's going to have to come down here and take it off my back! (pause if laugh) that gift was originally given to me by Mrs. Davis.

Mrs. Davis:

That's true, Connie. But I'm afraid I'll have to take it back, dear.

Brooks:

Take it BACK? But WHY, Mrs. Davis?

Mrs. Davis:

My sister Angela gave it to me as a gift, and she's coming over tonight to see it on me. (pause if laugh) So if you don't mind, I'll take it home. See you all again soon!

SFX:

DOOR OPEN pause DOOR SHUT

Boynton:

Well, there goes mother's negligee.

Osgood:

WHO'S negligee, Boynton?

Stone:

I might ask YOU the SAME question, Conklin!

Osgood:

Really, Mr. Stone, I don't%u2026%u2026

Brooks:

(interrupting) Gentlemen, please! We shouldn't argue. Let's try to remember it always as OUR negligee!

MFX:

CLOSING THEME MUSIC UP THEN UNDER
Anncr: Be with us next week at this same time for another comedy episode of 'Our Miss Brooks'.(pause) This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

MFX:

UP TO FINISH