Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Fleischmann's Yeast Hour
Show: Help Wanted (a.k.a. Want Ads)
Date: Jul 20 1933

CAST:
HOST
OPERATOR, at the newspaper want ad department
BOY, all-American young man
GIRL, all-American young woman
PAWNBROKER, Middle European
LANDLADY, Irish

HOST:

... Tonight's dramatic sketch is an original radio play prepared for this program by Peter Dixon, one of the very few playwrights who have built personal reputations writing directly for the air. Mr. Dixon, as you probably know, writes and -- with his wife Aline Berry -- acts in the very popular radio serial, "Raising Junior." The title of tonight's drama -- "Help Wanted." The players -- Mr. Dixon, Miss Berry, Miss Jean Sothern and Louis Sorin.

MFX:

BRIEF CHEERY INTRODUCTION ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN FAINT OFFICE HUM AND TYPEWRITER CLATTER

OPERATOR:

(ANSWERS PHONE) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . Yes, I'll take your ad, mister. Go ahead. . . . Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll read it back to you. (READS) "For Sale. Diamond Solitaire. Almost two karats. Perfect. Sacrifice. Eight-three-three Eighth Avenue." . . . (START FADING) Yes, it'll run tomorrow. What's your telephone number, please? . . . Thank you. (FADE OUT)

MFX & SFX:

OUT

BOY:

Oh, honey, here's the place -- Eight-thirty-three Eighth Avenue.

GIRL:

(SURPRISED) Oh, it's a pawnshop.

BOY:

Well, I - I guess it is but-- You know, I know something about diamonds, and we're gonna get a real one for you.

GIRL:

Now, remember, we can't spend too much money.

BOY:

Aw, sweet -- don't start that now. Come on in.

GIRL:

All right.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

PAWNBROKER:

Yes? Can I do something for you?

BOY:

Why, uh, yes. I'd like to see that diamond advertised in the Star this morning.

PAWNBROKER:

Oh, yes. It's a great bargain, too. Wait, I got it right here.

BOY:

Well, is it set in a ring?

PAWNBROKER:

Sure. Maybe it just fits the young lady. Look. Ain't it beautiful?

GIRL:

Oh! Oh, it's lovely!

BOY:

Well, try it on, hon.

GIRL:

Ooh, it's awfully exciting. Oh, look. It just fits.

BOY:

Well, I guess we're really engaged now. (TO PAWNBROKER) Well, we'll take it! How much is it?

PAWNBROKER:

Well, say, I'm really giving it away. Three hundred dollars.

BOY:

Three hundred dollars!

PAWNBROKER:

Make it two seventy-five.

BOY:

Well, I guess maybe we better look around some more.

GIRL:

Oh, darling -- you mustn't buy me this. It's - it's too expensive.

BOY:

Well, you like it, don't you, hon?

GIRL:

Oh, it's lovely, but--

BOY:

(TO PAWNBROKER) All right. Two fifty.

PAWNBROKER:

Sold!

BOY:

Well, I guess you'll have to wait a few minutes, though. Uh, you see, my bank's just a few blocks from here.

PAWNBROKER:

It's all right. I'll walk over there with you. And for such nice young people -- look. A little present -- just the right size.

GIRL:

(DELIGHTED) Oh! A wedding-ring, too!

MFX:

"TEA FOR TWO" ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN NEWSPAPER OFFICE SOUNDS

OPERATOR:

(ANSWERS PHONE) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . Yes. Under "Apartments to Let." . . . Yes. . . . Yes. Kitchenette? . . . Yes . . . Yes . . . I'll read it back. (READS) "For Rent. Small furnished apartment, one room, kitchenette and bath. Forty dollars a month. Ny-un Five Six, West Twelfth Street." . . . Yes . . . (START FADING) That'll be just sixty cents for one insertion or a dollar twenty for three times. (FADE OUT)

MFX & SFX:

OUT

BOY:

Well, how do you like the place, darling?

GIRL:

Oh, it's nice. It isn't very big. Oh, but then, it'll be cozy. Oh, um, how much did you say the rent was?

LANDLADY:

Forty dollars a month -- er, in advance.

GIRL:

Oh, it seems like a lot when we have to walk up three flights.

BOY:

Aw, but the exercise won't hurt us, dear. And, listen, I can afford it.

GIRL:

(LOW) Oh, Donny, you can't really. I think you spent every cent on that engagement ring.

BOY:

(LOW) Yes, but just look at it. I mean, the ring. Honey, we won't even have to turn on the lights with that ring around. (UP, TO LANDLADY) All right. We'll take it. And we'll move in right away! Uh, I mean, we'll move in tomorrow. You see, we're gettin' married this afternoon.

GIRL:

You see, he can't leave his job, so we're going to postpone our honeymoon.

LANDLADY:

Well, I hope you young folks is happy here. Uh, could I have a deposit?

BOY:

Oh, sure. Here you are.

LANDLADY:

Oh, thank you. Well, now just look around all you want. (WITH A CHUCKLE) But, er, don't be late for your own weddin'! (LAUGHING, MOVES OFF)

BOY:

Think it'll be all right, dear?

GIRL:

Mm hm. Because it'll be home. Just think, darling -- our own home!

MFX:

A MOURNFUL "BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?" ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN NEWSPAPER OFFICE

OPERATOR:

(ANSWERS PHONE) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . "Situations Wanted, Male." Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes, yes. . . . Yes, I'll read it back. (READS) "Experienced newspaper man wants work as publicity representative. Box A-Three-One, The Star." Have you a telephone, mister? . . . (START FADING) Oh. Well, you'll have to come in and pay for the ad before we can run it, then. (FADE OUT)

MFX & SFX:

OUT

SFX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

GIRL:

Oh, hello, Donny! You're home early. Smell! I baked a pie today!

BOY:

Say, give us a kiss, will ya?

SFX:

KISS

GIRL:

There! (BEAT) Well, Donny -- what's wrong?

BOY:

Well, can you stand a little bad news?

GIRL:

What's happened, Donny?

BOY:

Well, I - I lost my job today. I - I was fired.

GIRL:

Oh! Oh, that's terrible.

BOY:

Aw, now don't worry, sweet. We'll be all right. Listen, I can easy get a job as a press agent or-- Of course, that'll be an awful comedown after bein' a good newspaper man, but-- Anyway, I'll make more money.

GIRL:

I think it was awful of them to fire you.

BOY:

Now, listen, you're not going to get upset about this, are you?

GIRL:

(QUIVER) No. No, of course not.

BOY:

Naw, don't you worry about us. You trust the old man. (FORCED ENTHUSIASM) Now, let's sample that pie! Come on.

GIRL:

You'll get a new job soon, won't you?

BOY:

Oh, sure. Probably tomorrow.

GIRL:

Oh, because-- Well, never mind. It'll be all right.

MFX:

MELANCHOLY ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN NEWSPAPER OFFICE

OPERATOR:

(ANSWERS PHONE) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . What's that, lady? . . . Oh, sure. We'll list it under "Diamonds and Jewelry for Sale." . . . Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes . . . Okay. I'll read it back. (READS) "For sale. Diamond Ring. Value three hundred dollars." What's your address? . . . Oh, you don't want to give it? . . . (DROPS HER PROFESSIONAL TONE) Listen, girlie -- why don't you pawn that ring? And then maybe when times get better you can get it back. . . . Hey, sure, that's it. . . . (CHUCKLES) That's okay, sister. Bye. (ANSWERS A NEW CALL, STARTS FADING) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. (FADE OUT)

MFX & SFX:

OUT

SFX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

GIRL:

Any luck today, Donny?

BOY:

(DISCOURAGED) No. Oh, gosh, sweetheart. Do you realize -- I've been out of a job eight weeks?

GIRL:

Oh, but - but you'll get one soon.

BOY:

Oh, I dunno. It's-- Oh, it's so discouragin'. And then to lose a job just when my clothes were beginnin' to wear out. I was gonna get a new suit the next pay day.

GIRL:

Well, you should have.

BOY:

Oh, we needed the money to live on.

GIRL:

(FIRM) Donny. Tomorrow -- you're going to get a new suit, new hat, new shoes, new everything. And you're going to get that job.

BOY:

Oh, sure. Sure, I will.

GIRL:

Aw, I mean it. Here's the money.

BOY:

Gosh. A hundred dollars! Honey, where'd you get it?

GIRL:

Never mind.

BOY:

Darling, your ring! Where's your ring? What'd you do with it? Aw, you didn't sell it?

GIRL:

No, dear heart. It's just security for a temporary loan.

BOY:

Oh, but you shouldn't have-- You shouldn't have done that.

GIRL:

It was you that shouldn't have, young man. Oh, you were so extravagant buying that ring. But it'll all right.

BOY:

Oh, but, dear, I - I couldn't--

GIRL:

Tomorrow -- you get a job. Oh, you've just got to, or - or I won't get my ring back!

BOY:

(DETERMINED) Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it!

MFX:

HOMEY ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN NEWSPAPER OFFICE

OPERATOR:

(ANSWERS PHONE) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . Rent a house? That would go under the "Houses to Rent." . . . Oh, you mean you want to move into a house. I see. . . . Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes, I'll read it back. (READS) "Wanted: Small furnished home in suburbs. Rent must be reasonable." . . . Yes, that'll run tomorrow. . . . (START FADING) Yes, sir ... what's the address? . . . Yes. (FADE OUT)

MFX & SFX:

OUT

BOY:

Well, darling, how do you like living in the suburbs?

GIRL:

Oh, the air's so clean and nice. Oh, it's grand, Donny.

BOY:

Oh, I'll say it is. And it's grand to have a job again, and a good pay check and-- Oh, just when we really needed it.

GIRL:

Mm hm. I'm not a bit worried now.

BOY:

Gosh, honey. You know, if you hadn't hocked that ring -- and I hadn't got that new suit -- I don't suppose I'd ever had a chance for this job.

GIRL:

You didn't fail me, Don. You got the job!

BOY:

Mm, I just had to. Now you have your ring back, and we have this little home. Say, honey, in another year, we'll be able to buy a place of our own, bigger than this.

GIRL:

Well, we'll have to be sort of conservative from now on.

BOY:

Uh, you mean-- You mean on account of him?

GIRL:

(CHUCKLES) How do you know it'll be a "him"?

MFX:

"SINGIN' IN THE RAIN" ... THEN IN BG

SFX:

FADE IN NEWSPAPER OFFICE

OPERATOR:

Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . What?! You did?! Oh, your wife did . . . Eight pounds. My goodness. Well, heh, you've got the wrong office. (CALLS) Hey, Leo! Switch this guy to "Blessed Events," will you? Yeah, he just had a baby. . . . (ANSWERS A NEW CALL) Daily Star, Want Ad Department. . . . Yes, sir. . . . Wait-wait-wait! What - what was that? . . . (CALLS) Oh! Oh, hey, Leo! Get that guy back on the line! Here's an advertiser with a baby-carriage for sale!

MFX:

"SINGIN' IN THE RAIN" ... THEN OUT

SFX:

APPLAUSE ...