My Favorite Husband Liz in the Hospital Date: May 27 1949

CAST:
ANNOUNCER, Bob LeMond
SINGERS, of jingle

LIZ COOPER / LUCILLE BALL
GEORGE COOPER, Liz's favorite husband
KATY, their maid
LADY, on filter; obnoxious, Brooklyn accent
DOCTOR, affable
OFFICER, middle-aged male
RECEPTIONIST, young female
MRS. BENSON, elderly
WOMAN (1 scream)
NURSE
BABY, gurgles, laughs, cries, wails

ANNOUNCER: It's time for MY FAVORITE HUSBAND, starring Lucille Ball! BALL: Jell-O, everybody! MUSIC: THEME ... OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- SOUND: APPLAUSE ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's the new gay family series, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, brought to you by the Jell-O family of desserts. MUSIC: FOR JINGLE, IN BG-- SINGERS: J-E-L-L-Ohhhhh! The big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. That's Jell-O! WOMAN: Yum, yum, yum. SINGERS: Jell-O Puddings. MAN: Yum, yum, yum. SINGERS: Jell-O Tap-pioca Puddings. Yes-sir-ee! MUSIC: TO A FINISH ... AND OUT ANNOUNCER: And now, Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, as Liz and George Cooper -- two people who live together, and like it. MUSIC: INTRODUCTION ... THEN OUT BEHIND-- ANNOUNCER: In every marriage, there is one member of the weaker sex, and one of the stronger. The stronger member does the protecting, looking after the frailer, more delicate partner. Well, as we look in on the Coopers, it's early morning, and the more delicate member of the family is still in bed tucked under the covers. And the strong one has just gotten up, closed the window, turned on the heat, and is now standing at the foot of the bed. LIZ: The room's warm. You can get up now, George. ... GEORGE: (MOANS IN PAIN) Ohhhhhh. LIZ: Come on now, dear. It's 7:30. Get up. GEORGE: Oh, I don't think I'll get up this morning. LIZ: All right, George, you just stay there in bed, and I'll have Mr. Atterbury bring the bank out here. ... GEORGE: I don't feel good, Liz. I'm sick. I - I can't go to the bank today. LIZ: Okay, let's have it. Who are you playing golf with? GEORGE: Honest, Liz, I'm really sick. LIZ: Well, darling, what seems to be the matter? GEORGE: Oh, well, for one thing, every time I move, I get a sharp pain in my back. Ohhh! There it is again. Ohhhh. LIZ: Well, where do you mean, dear? Show me. GEORGE: It's right back here. Oh! LIZ: So that's where my curler went! ... GEORGE: Fine place to have a curler. LIZ: I'm sorry. I lost two of them last night. Show me, George, which vertebrae has the Toni? ... GEORGE: Very funny. Oh, my - my throat's sore, too. I - I can hardly swallow. LIZ: (SKEPTICAL) Let me see your throat. GEORGE: No. LIZ: Oh, don't be such a baby. Let me see your throat. Maybe I can find my other curler. ... GEORGE: Ohhhh, my throat. LIZ: Oh, George, don't pay any attention to it. My throat's a little sore every morning. GEORGE: Yeah, well, that's because you talk so much. ... LIZ: (AMUSED, NOT VERY OFFENDED) Well! GEORGE: (MISERABLE) Oh, why don't you just go away and leave me alone? Ohhhhh! LIZ: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you felt so bad. Would you like to have breakfast in bed, hm? GEORGE: Well, all right. Just some warm milk and dry toast. Nothing more. LIZ: Nothing more, huh? GEORGE: I doubt if I can choke that down. LIZ: Well, you stay under the covers and keep warm. I'll go see about your breakfast. SOUND: WE FOLLOW LIZ'S STEPS TO KITCHEN DOOR, IN BG-- GEORGE: Ohhhh, I feel awful. (COUGHS, FADES OUT) LIZ: (CALLS) Katy?! SOUND: KITCHEN DOOR OPENS LIZ: Good morning, Katy. KATY: Good morning, Mrs. Cooper. LIZ: I'd like a tray to take up to Mr. Cooper. KATY: Well, is he sick? LIZ: (DRY) Yes, he's deathly ill and may be gone before I get back upstairs. ... KATY: Oh, he's got a little cold, huh? LIZ: Yes. You know how George is. One sniffle, he's got the flu. Two sniffles, he's got pneumonia. And three sniffles, he's going to leave his body to science. ... KATY: Well, men are such babies when they're sick. My first husband Clarence was like that. First he thought he had a cold, then he thought he had pneumonia, and then we buried him. ... LIZ: You buried him? KATY: Yes, he thought he was dead. ... LIZ: Oh, Katy. Well, I don't know if George is faking or not. All he wants for breakfast is some warm milk and dry toast. GEORGE: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Li-iz?! LIZ: (CALLS) Yes, dear?! GEORGE: (OFF) I think I could swallow a little coffee to go with that milk and toast! LIZ: (CALLS) Oh, all right, dear! (TO KATY) He thinks he can swallow a little coffee, too. KATY: Yes, ma'am, some coffee. GEORGE: (OFF) Li-iz?! LIZ: (CALLS) Yes, George?! GEORGE: (OFF) Maybe I could force down a little bacon with that coffee and milk and buttered toast. LIZ: (BEAT, DRY, TO HERSELF) How'd that toast get buttered? ... (CALLS) Well, all right, dear! (TO KATY) He can force down a little bacon, Katy. KATY: Yes, ma'am. How much? GEORGE: (OFF) Four slices! ... LIZ: (DRY, TO KATY) Apparently, baby is able to sit up and take a little nourishment. GEORGE: (OFF) Li-iz?! LIZ: (CALLS) Yes, dear?! Sunny side up or scrambled?! ... GEORGE: (OFF) Scrambled! LIZ: (CALLS) George, are you sure you want bacon, eggs, toast, coffee, and warm milk?! Aren't you too sick to eat all that?! GEORGE: (OFF) Yeah, you're right, I am! You better forget the warm milk! ... LIZ: I thought so. MUSIC: BRIDGE LIZ: (BRISK) Well, you certainly did all right with that breakfast, George. GEORGE: (SHEEPISH) Well, I'm feeling a little better. LIZ: Well, then maybe you can get up and go to work. GEORGE: (ABRUPTLY) Ohhhh, my throat! ... LIZ: Oh, your throat, my foot. GEORGE: Honest, Liz, I got a bad sore throat. A guy can still be hungry. (COUGHS A FEW TIMES) LIZ: All right, Camille. I'll call Dr. Stevenson. GEORGE: Oh, now, there's no need to waste money on a doctor, Liz. I'll be all right. LIZ: Now, George, you're not going to be a baby about having a doctor, are you? What'll Uncle Whoa Bill say? ... GEORGE: Never mind being smart. LIZ: Look, George, either you're sick and I'll call the doctor, or you're well and you'll get up and go to work. Now, let's see. It's early; I'll call him at home. SOUND: RECEIVER UP LIZ: That's funny. There's no dial tone. LADY: (CARTOONISHLY THICK BROOKLYN ACCENT) Hey, who else is on the phone, hah? ... Whoever else is on, will you please hang up, Big Ears? ... SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN LIZ: Darn it, that Brooklyn blabbermouth is on our party line as usual. And she's liable to stay on there all day. GEORGE: Yeah. LIZ: I always tell her there's something wrong with you when I want to get her off the line. Well, this time it's true. SOUND: RECEIVER UP LIZ: Hello? Are you still using the phone? LADY: No. No, the receiver's stuck to my ear and I can't get it off. ... Do you mind hanging yourself up, please? ... LIZ: Look, let me use the phone for a minute. It's an emergency. LADY: Always with you, it's an emergency. What is it? Were you touching up your hair and ran out of Mercurochrome? ... LIZ: Miss, my husband is sick. I want to call the doctor. LADY: Well, what is it this time, hey? A broken arm like yesterday or a broken leg like the day before? ... LIZ: (IMPROVISES) Uh, uh-- We think it may be his appendix. LADY: His appendix?! You told me he just had it out last week! ... What are you gonna do, put it back in again? ... Or has he got it on a string like a yo-yo? ... LIZ: Look, I'll ask you once more. Will you let me use the phone? I have an important call to make. LADY: Well, I happen to be making an important call myself. LIZ: I don't hear anyone else on the line. LADY: Naturally. I haven't decided yet which important call I'm gonna make. ... LIZ: (FRUSTRATED) Ohh! SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN LIZ: I'll be right back, George. (MOVING OFF) I'm going next door and call the doctor. MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: BEDROOM DOOR OPENS ... CLOSES BEHIND-- LIZ: Right this way, Dr. Stevenson. Here's the doctor, George. DOCTOR: (FRIENDLY) Well, how's the--? (STUNNED) Liz! Am I too late?! LIZ: No, he's hiding under the sheet. ... He pulled it over his head himself. (AS IF TO A CHILD) Come on out, George. We know where you are. GEORGE: (MISERABLE) Hello, Doctor. (UNCONVINCING) I never felt better in my life. DOCTOR: Well, Liz told me you had a pretty sore throat, George. LIZ: Go ahead, doctor. Examine him. Poke one of those long white sticks down his throat. DOCTOR: Now, George, open wide and say, "Ah." GEORGE: (NO, DEFIANTLY) Mm mm! DOCTOR: Liz, come on. You'll have to help me. LIZ: Oh, he's an impossible baby. (ADMONISHES) George! DOCTOR: Now hold his mouth open while I slip this stick between his teeth. GEORGE: (DEFIANT MURMUR) LIZ: I got it. DOCTOR: There we are. SOUND: CARTOONISHLY LOUD CRUNCHING! LIZ: (IN PAIN) Ooh, ooh, ooh! DOCTOR: George, George, open your mouth! I want to take the stick out! GEORGE: (NO, DEFIANTLY) Mm mm! LIZ: Agh! Well, at least open it long enough to spit out my fingers! ... Oh, boy! What a bite! DOCTOR: I'm afraid it's no use, Liz. LIZ: George, you're wasting Dr. Stevenson's time and our money. Now, there's nothing to letting him look down your throat. Here, I'll let him do it to me. You just open your mouth like this. (HAPPILY SAYS, "AH!") Ahhhhhhhhhh--- DOCTOR: And I look down your throat like this. LIZ: See, George, there's nothing to it. Now let him-- DOCTOR: (SUDDENLY WORRIED) Just a minute, Liz! LIZ: What? DOCTOR: Let me look down your throat again. ... LIZ: (APPREHENSIVE) What for? DOCTOR: I want to take another look. LIZ: Look, he's your patient, Doctor. Just take care of him. Give him some medicine. Give him a shot. DOCTOR: There's nothing wrong with him, Liz. Let me look at your throat. LIZ: (QUICKLY) Well, goodbye, Doctor. Thanks a lot for coming over. DOCTOR: You come back here. (BEAT) Open up. LIZ: (RELENTS) Oh-- (UNHAPPILY SAYS, "AH!" ... GURGLING) Ahhhhhhh-- ... DOCTOR: Liz, I told you this would happen someday. Your tonsils don't look good. LIZ: Well, that's all right. Hardly anybody ever sees them. ... DOCTOR: You have a very bad throat. I'll have to operate first thing in the morning. LIZ: Operate? Tomorrow morning? And you want me there? ... DOCTOR: (LIGHTLY) Well, as long as we're taking out your tonsils, it'll make it easier. ... LIZ: Well, all right. (SUDDENLY) Oh, I can't make it tomorrow morning, Doctor. I just remembered I'm seeing someone off on a train. DOCTOR: Who? LIZ: Me. ... DOCTOR: Never mind that, young lady. I'll make the arrangements with the hospital and I'll see you in the morning. MUSIC: THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- ANNOUNCER: Liz is going to the hospital this morning to have her tonsils out, and we find her in surprisingly gay spirits. LIZ: (UNENTHUSIASTIC, TO HERSELF) Nyeah. ... (MORE UNHAPPY NOISES) GEORGE: Liz, I thought you were going to pack. Why are you sitting on the edge of the bed staring out into space? We'll be late. LIZ: I was just thinking, George. I've had these tonsils all my life, and this is the first time they've been bad. I ought to give them another chance. They mean well. ... GEORGE: Now, stop that. They're coming out this morning. LIZ: Oh, you're so brave with my operation. ... (MILDLY MELODRAMATIC) Would you mind leaving the room, George? I'd like these last few minutes alone with my tonsils. ... GEORGE: Now, cut it out. LIZ: (MILDLY OFFENDED) Oh! Don't say that in front of them. ... GEORGE: Are you going to pack or shall I pack for you? LIZ: I'll pack, I'll pack. Let's see, I'll take my, um-- (GASPS, UNCONVINCINGLY) Oh, dear. Call the doctor. I can't go to the hospital today. GEORGE: Why not? LIZ: I haven't got a thing to wear! ... GEORGE: Now, Liz-- LIZ: But, George, all I have is that old bed jacket I wore last year when I had my appendix out, and all the nurses have seen me in it. GEORGE: Pack it! LIZ: Oh, it's so old. I wouldn't be caught dead in that. (CATCHES HERSELF) Oh, what a thought! ... GEORGE: Now, don't worry about how you'll look. They'll give you the latest style in hospital gowns. LIZ: (SARCASTIC) Oh, keen! A stunning gown of white muslin, cut fingertip length with a bare back riff. ... GEORGE: Come on, quit stalling. LIZ: I'm not stalling, George. Honest, I'm dying to go to the hospital. (CATCHES HERSELF) Oh, I said it again. ... GEORGE: Liz, the longer you sit around brooding, the worse it'll be. Now, let's go. LIZ: No! I'm not going to move until you call Dr. Stevenson. GEORGE: Well, why not? LIZ: Well, I read that there's only one hospital bed for every three patients, and I want to know who those other two people in bed with me are. ... GEORGE: Don't be ridiculous. LIZ: Well, I'm not going till you call. Maybe he couldn't get a room. GEORGE: All right, I'll call him. LIZ: Wouldn't it be a shame if that blabbermouth was still on the line? GEORGE: Well, she can't talk all the time. SOUND: RECEIVER UP LADY: And whaddya think, Melanie--? ... GEORGE: (PATIENT, POLITE) I beg your pardon. LADY: Uh, wait a minute, Mellie. The "uninvited guest" is here. (TO GEORGE) Wha' happened, Big Ears? ... Your voice is changin'. GEORGE: You don't understand. My wife is Big Ears. LIZ: Well, thanks a lot. ... LADY: Uh, tell me, Mr. Ears, how's your broken leg, your fractured arm, your sprained ankle, and your appendix that's such a hard loser? ... GEORGE: What? LIZ: Oh, forget it, George. She hasn't got the decency to hang up when someone's sick. GEORGE: Miss, it's my wife. I have to take her to the hospital for an operation. LADY: (NICELY) Ohhh, why didn't you say so? I'll hang up right away. SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTS (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE) LIZ: Anyone with any consideration would get off the phone. GEORGE: Well, she did. She hung up. LIZ: She hung up?! GEORGE: Yes. LIZ: What a rotten thing to do! ... MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: AUTO ENGINE RUNNING ... THEN IN BG-- LIZ: George! Don't drive so fast! GEORGE: I'm getting you to that hospital. We're late. LIZ: But you're going over the speed limit. GEORGE: Don't worry. There isn't a cop within a hundred miles of here. SOUND: POLICE SIREN APPROACHES ... MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES IN BG-- LIZ: No cops, huh? GEORGE: What a mess. This is going to make us later than ever. OFFICER: (OFF, YELLS) Pull over the car, buddy! SOUND: AUTO AND MOTORCYCLE SLOW TO A STOP LIZ: (LOW) George? George, if he arrested us, I wouldn't be able to get to the hospital at all, would I? GEORGE: (LOW) Now, don't start anything. You just keep quiet and let me handle this dumb flatfoot. (UP, POLITELY, TO OFFICER) Well, I am terribly sorry, sir, but I think I can-- LIZ: (INTERRUPTS) Oh, don't try to alibi, George. Officer, we were speeding. Do your duty and take us to jail. GEORGE: (HORRIFIED) Liz! OFFICER: I'm not gonna take you to jail, lady. All I do is give ya a ticket. LIZ: For hit-and-run driving? ... OFFICER: What?! GEORGE: Officer, she doesn't know what-- LIZ: (INTERRUPTS, EXTRAVAGANTLY MELODRAMATIC) I can't stand it any longer -- this running away, this hiding from the long arm of the law. Why do you think we were speeding, officer? This is a hot car! OFFICER: Oh, it is? ... LIZ: And not only that, but you'll find the real owner stuffed in the trunk! ... GEORGE: Liz--! LIZ: (DEEP-VOICED GANGSTER IMITATION) What is it, Pear Shape? ... GEORGE: Officer, she's hysterical. I'm taking her to the hospital for an operation. That's why I was speeding. OFFICER: Oh. Oh, well, in that case, go ahead. GEORGE: Oh, thanks. LIZ: (POINTEDLY) Well, George, I guess you were right when you said you could handle this dumb flatfoot. OFFICER: Huh?! ... What did he call me? LIZ: A dumb flatfoot! What are you gonna do about it? OFFICER: (RUEFUL) Nothing. I am a dumb flatfoot. ... LIZ: What? OFFICER: (SHRUGS) I must be. I've been a rookie for thirty years. ... LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, great. With all the bulls on the force, I had to pick Ferdinand. ... OFFICER: Hey, look, mister, you're in a hurry to get to hospital? Follow me. I'll clear the way. LIZ: (UNHAPPY) Ohhhh. SOUND: POLICE SIREN ... SEGUES INTO-- MUSIC: BRIDGE RECEPTIONIST: All right, Mr. Bunker, take Room Six-Oh-Two. Your doctor will be up in a minute. (TO LIZ) Now then, what can I do for you? LIZ: Oh, nothing. We're just browsing. ... GEORGE: Dr. Stevenson made arrangements. The name is Cooper. RECEPTIONIST: Oh, yes. Tonsillectomy? LIZ: No, Elizabeth. ... GEORGE: (ADMONISHES) Liz. (TO RECEPTIONIST) Er, the name is Mrs. George Cooper. (TO LIZ) I'll handle this, Liz. You'd better go up to your room. You're a little nervous. LIZ: I am not. I'm not nervous at all. RECEPTIONIST: Well, you go on up to Room Five-Oh-Six. But before you go, just sign this application here. SOUND: SCRIBBLE! OF PEN ON PAPER BEHIND-- LIZ: (HALF TO HERSELF) What's there to be nervous about, for heaven's sake? (TO RECEPTIONIST) There you are. RECEPTIONIST: Oh, just a minute. LIZ: Hmm? RECEPTIONIST: Is this your signature? "Mrs. George Tonsil"? ... LIZ: Oh, well, I guess I am nervous. It isn't every day I have my Coopers out. ... MUSIC: BRIDGE GEORGE: Well, honey, this isn't too bad. It's pretty cozy for a hospital room, don't you think? LIZ: Yes, it's nice and cheerful. Gray walls with a black trim. ... GEORGE: Now, you're going to be fine. LIZ: (UNCONVINCED) Hm! GEORGE: And you've got a nice roommate, too. You'll keep an eye on her, won't you, Mrs. Benson? MRS. BENSON: Now, don't worry. I'll keep her spirits up until she goes. ... LIZ: Until I go? MRS. BENSON: Oh, to the operating room. And I'll be waiting for her if she comes back. ... LIZ: Tell me, Mrs. O'Dell, how's Digger these days? ... MRS. BENSON: My name is Benson. LIZ: Oh. GEORGE: She means well, Liz. LIZ: (SKEPTICAL) Hm! GEORGE: How's the bed, honey? Comfortable? LIZ: Oh, yes. Soft as a feather. (SOUND: TWO LOUD THWACKS ON MATTRESS!) See? GEORGE: Well, it's healthy to sleep on a hard mattress. LIZ: Oh, sure. GEORGE: You want me to crank up the foot of the bed a little higher? LIZ: No, thanks. It's all right. Don't bother. GEORGE: Oh, it's no bother. MRS. BENSON: Don't fight it, dear. Visitors'll crank your bed up every time. ... GEORGE: Say when, Liz. SOUND: CRANKING THE BED ... CONTINUES IN BG-- LIZ: Oh, that's fine, George. (PAUSE) Thank you, George. (PAUSE) "When," George! SOUND: CRANKING STOPS GEORGE: Are your legs too high, dear? LIZ: No, I always lie with my head between my knees like this. ... GEORGE: There, that's better. Mrs. Benson, would you like me to crank you up? MRS. BENSON: No, thanks. I've had my handles removed. ... I always do that. Once someone cranked me up too fast and I got a bad case of the bends. ... GEORGE: Well, okay. I'll be right back, Liz. (MOVING OFF) I'm going to see if I can find Dr. Stevenson any place. LIZ: All right, George. SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES, OFF, AS GEORGE EXITS LIZ: Um, what are you, uh, in for, Mrs. Benson? ... MRS. BENSON: Oh, I'm just here for my yearly checkup. I have one every six months. ... LIZ: A yearly checkup every six months? How come? MRS. BENSON: That's how sick I am. ... LIZ: Oh. What did they find? MRS. BENSON: Nothing, darn it. Oh, these doctors. I know I have something terrible wrong with me, but they can't find it! LIZ: I should have that trouble. ... SOUND: DOOR OPENS ... FOUR LOUD SPRITZES FROM AN ATOMIZER ... DOOR CLOSES LIZ: What was that nurse spraying? Sweetaire to keep the room smelling nice? MRS. BENSON: Oh, no, no, no. That's a special concoction they spray every half hour to keep the place smelling like a hospital. ... LIZ: Oh. That's how they do it, huh? MRS. BENSON: (YES) Mm hm. (CHANGES SUBJECT) Er, tell me, dear. What have you got? LIZ: I have to have my tonsils out. MRS. BENSON: (DISMISSIVE) Oh, tonsils. Why, there's nothing to that operation. It's very minor. LIZ: (UNCONVINCINGLY) Yes, it's nothing at all. MRS. BENSON: (SLOWLY) Did you have more than one doctor check them? LIZ: Well, no. MRS. BENSON: Well, they're your tonsils. ... But if I were you, I'd have at least two other doctors check them. LIZ: Oh, well, Dr. Stevenson is one of the best men in the city. MRS. BENSON: Once you're on that table, it's "so long, Charlie." ... LIZ: Well, he did take just a peek. MRS. BENSON: I had this identical conversation with the woman across the hall in Five-Oh-Nine. Have two other doctors check, I said, but she wouldn't listen to me. WOMAN: (OFF, BLOODCURDLING SCREAM) ... MRS. BENSON: That's her. ... She sounds much better. ... LIZ: Better?! MRS. BENSON: Compared to this morning, she's laughing. ... LIZ: That does it. I'm getting out of here. Where'd they put my clothes? MRS. BENSON: They keep them in a locker down the hall. LIZ: Well, I'll find them. See you later, Mary Sunshine. ... SOUND: DOOR OPENS MRS. BENSON: (OFF) Uh, honey? LIZ: Yeah? MRS. BENSON: (OFF) Hold your gown closed. LIZ: Oh! ... SOUND: DOOR CLOSES LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Now, where would that locker be? NURSE: Ah, just a minute, just a minute here. What are you doing out of bed? LIZ: Well, I - I'll tell you, nurse, I, er-- Being in bed all day makes you want to sort of get up and jump around. NURSE: Yes, well, you shouldn't be jumping around in your condition. Now, you go right in there and get back in bed. LIZ: Oh, wait a minute, not in there. That's the wrong room. NURSE: No, it isn't. You're Mrs. Johnson, aren't you? LIZ: No, I'm-- Er-- Is Mrs. Johnson having her tonsils out? NURSE: No. No, Mrs. Johnson is almost ready to go home. LIZ: Shake hands with Mrs. Johnson. ... NURSE: You're certainly acting funny. I'll have to ask your regular nurse about you. LIZ: Oh, well, I'll be all right now. SOUND: DOOR OPENS DURING ABOVE NURSE: Oh, good. Now get in bed. (BEAT) Yes, there we are. Now, I have a visitor for you. LIZ: Oh, wait a minute. I - I don't want to see any visitors. NURSE: (MOVING OFF) Oh, nonsense. I'll bring him right in. LIZ: Oh, great. If it's Mister Johnson, he's going to have the surprise of his life. ... NURSE: (APPROACHES) Here we are, Mrs. Johnson. Here he is. BABY: (EXCITED GURGLING AND LAUGHING) ... LIZ: Oh, no! It's a baby! NURSE: Why, certainly, Mrs. Johnson. He's yours! LIZ: Well, take him away. NURSE: Why? LIZ: Well, they shouldn't allow a little baby like that in the hospital. It might catch something. NURSE: Oh, we're very careful. My, he's a big, beautiful boy. BABY: (EVEN MORE EXCITED GURGLING AND LAUGHING) ... NURSE: Yes. And his hair is red, just like yours. LIZ: Now where would a baby like that get a henna rinse? ... NURSE: Tell me-- Tell me, Mrs. Johnson, does he look like his father? LIZ: (SHRUGS) You got me. ... NURSE: Well, here, take him. LIZ: I don't want him. BABY: (ABRUPTLY CRYING AND WAILING) NURSE: Why, Mrs. Johnson, he's been lying in the nursery all day, and now he wants to come to you for a change. LIZ: Well, why didn't they do that before he left the nursery? ... Look, nurse, he's cute, but I've got troubles of my own. NURSE: Well, I'm sorry, but I have other things to do. I'll be back later. Here. LIZ: No, no, wait a minute. SOUND: DOOR CLOSES AS NURSE EXITS LIZ: (TO HERSELF, UNHAPPY) Oh, this is swell. BABY: (UNHAPPY CRYING NOISES) ... LIZ: You think you've got troubles. I have to convince George that you're a tonsil! ... SOUND: DOOR OPENS GEORGE: Liz! There you are. What are you doing in here? LIZ: George, before you start anything, I've got something to tell you. BABY: (UNHAPPY CRYING NOISES) ... GEORGE: (STRICKEN) Liz! A baby?! (A WILD EMOTIONAL WAIL) ... MUSIC: BRIDGE NURSE: Uh, the patient is regaining consciousness, doctor. DOCTOR: (APPROACHES) Oh, fine, fine. Here, let me take a look. LIZ: (QUIETLY) The worst is over, isn't it, doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, it was just a case of shock. George will be all right. ... Now, come on, Liz. Let's take your tonsils out. SOUND: APPLAUSE MUSIC: CURTAIN ... CLOSING THEME ... THEN IN BG, UNTIL END-- ANNOUNCER: You have been listening to MY FAVORITE HUSBAND, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, and based on characters created by Isabel Scott Rorick. Tonight's program was produced and directed by Jess Oppenheimer, who wrote the script with Madelyn Pugh and Bob Carroll, Jr. Original music was composed by Marlin Skiles and conducted by Wilbur Hatch. The part of Katy the Maid was played by Ruth Perrott. Lucille Ball will soon be seen in the Paramount Picture, "Sorrowful Jones." Be sure to listen to Lucille Ball in MY FAVORITE HUSBAND next week. Bob LeMond speaking. SOUND: APPLAUSE ... THEN IN BG, UNTIL END-- ANNOUNCER: This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.