Our Miss Brooks Going Skiing Date: Feb 25 1951

CAST:

ANNOUNCER VERNE SMITH
2ND ANNCR
SINGERS, with one BASS voice
1ST VOICE
2ND VOICE
CBS ANNCR (1 line)
MISS CONNIE BROOKS, dry-humored high school teacher
MRS. DAVIS, her landlady
WALTER DENTON, obsequious cracked-voice student
MR. PHILIP BOYNTON, teacher, Miss Brooks' hopelessly square, unrequited crush
MR. OSGOOD CONKLIN, arrogant, pompous principal
HARRIET CONKLIN, his daughter; sweet sixteen, student

ANNOUNCER: Colgate Dental Cream, to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay -- and Palmolive Shave Cream, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave -- bring you OUR MISS BROOKS, starring Eve Arden! MUSIC: THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- SOUND: APPLAUSE ANNOUNCER: It's time once again for another comedy episode of OUR MISS BROOKS, under the direction of Al Lewis. Well, in many of these United States, winter seems to have settled down for a protracted stay. Our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, doesn't seem to mind. BROOKS: (NARRATES) No, indeed, I do enjoy the winter season. There are so many activities to engage in -- ice skating, sleigh riding, building snowmen. Of course, the last snowman I built melted after one dance. But while we're on the-- ... While we're on the subject of snowmen, I was speaking to my landlady just last Friday morning about one Philip Boynton. It seems the bashful biologist had come out of his turtleneck sweater long enough to invite me to Madison's annual Matinee Snowball Dance. DAVIS: That's wonderful, Connie, and I just know you'll be the belle of the ball this afternoon. That outfit is so colorful and wintry-looking, especially those lovely blue socks. BROOKS: I haven't put on my socks yet. ... Maybe we ought to turn the heat up, Mrs. Davis. DAVIS: Of course, dear. But I am crazy about that sweater. And the earrings are divine. Even though they are a bit large. BROOKS: These are not earrings, Mrs. Davis. They happen to be ear muffs. ... I'm just wearing them a little lower than usual. ... You see, I have what is known in medical circles as "cold lobes." ... DAVIS: Oh, I'm sorry, dear. BROOKS: Oh, it's nothing to worry about. I just don't want my blue feet to get jealous. ... I'll put my socks and shoes on right now. I brought them in with me. DAVIS: Yes, you better get ready, Connie. Walter Denton'll be here to pick you up any minute. But, er, while we're waiting-- You still haven't told me how you got Mr. Boynton to ask you to the dance. BROOKS: It wasn't easy, Mrs. Davis. I started my campaign weeks ago. First of all, I played "hard-to-get" for two days. DAVIS: And then? BROOKS: And then I played "Available Jones" for three. ... After that, I changed my lipstick four times and used six different brands of perfume in as many days. DAVIS: And then? BROOKS: Then I bought two tickets to the dance and invited him. ... But it should be fun. SOUND: CAR HORN, FROM OFF ... SHAVE-AND-A-HAIRCUT BROOKS: Oh, that's Walter now. (CALLS) Coming, Walter! (MOVING OFF) See you tonight, Mrs. Davis. SOUND: WE FOLLOW BROOKS' STEPS THROUGH DOOR, WHICH SHUTS, TO WALTER'S CAR BROOKS: Good morning, Walter. WALTER: Greetings, Good Fairy of Wintertime! ... Oh, your warmth and beauty bring cheery comfort to this frigid, icicle-ridden chariot! BROOKS: Careful, Walter, you're fogging up the windshield. ... WALTER: Your outfit's a knockout, Miss Brooks. Something new has been added, hasn't it? BROOKS: What do you mean? WALTER: Those large woolen earrings. ... BROOKS: These are ear muffs. Cold lobes. Open your door. WALTER: Yes, ma'am. SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS WALTER: I think it only fair to call it to your attention, Miss Brooks, but you may not be so comfortable on your way to school today. You see, I-- BROOKS: Ouch! WALTER: --brought my skis with me. ... BROOKS: If you hadn't called it to my attention, I never would have noticed them. WALTER: Anything broken? BROOKS: No. Fortunately, this woolen skirt doesn't splinter easily. ... WALTER: Well, let's get goin'. SOUND: CAR ENGINE STARTS UP ... CAR IN GEAR ... CONTINUES IN BG-- BROOKS: Why don't you put these skis in the back of the car, Walter? WALTER: Oh, it's not big enough. BROOKS: Oh. WALTER: Just hold them on your lap, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: That's not big enough either. ... Here, I'll stand them up on the floor between us. Oh, no, that won't work. You've got the top on today. WALTER: Oh, just stick 'em through the hole in the top. ... BROOKS: What hole? WALTER: Grab the wheel a minute; I'll show ya. SOUND: QUICK RIP! OF FABRIC ... WALTER: That hole right there. ... BROOKS: Perfect fit. ... What is this metal contraption in the center of the skis, Walter? WALTER: (ENTHUSIASTIC PRIDE) Oh, that is my own invention, Miss Brooks. I call it the Denton Claw. It's guaranteed to keep your skis on no matter what. BROOKS: Really? WALTER: Yes. Not only that, but it's designed to keep your skis in perfect position regardless of what you're doing with your feet. BROOKS: Suppose you're crushing grapes. ... WALTER: It's no laughing matter, Miss Brooks. Oh, this is a great contraption. I'm gonna try it out this afternoon on the big hill back of school. BROOKS: But aren't you going to the Snowball Dance in the gym today? WALTER: Oh, sure, yeah, but a bunch of us kids are gonna go skiing for an hour before the dance. Say, maybe you'd like to come along, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: Not me, Walter. I've never been on a pair of skis, and I'm perfectly contented to keep it that way. WALTER: You don't know what you're missing, Miss Brooks. There's nothing like sailing down those snowy slopes and taking a crack at some christies and stems. BROOKS: There'll be no christies on my stems. ... WALTER: But it's a wonderful sport and the exercise is great for you. Ah, you ought to see those kids after a half hour on that ski run. Their eyes are glowing and their faces are red and tingling. BROOKS: And that's not all. ... Their noses are red, too. ... Yeah, that's all I'd need. Why with my blue ear lobes and a red nose, I'd look like somebody stuck a flag in the snow. ... MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: CLASSROOM DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS ... BROOKS' STEPS IN BROOKS: Good morning, Mr. Boynton. All set for the dance this afternoon? BOYNTON: Oh, yes, indeed, Miss Brooks. I see you're all ready for it, too. That's a very interesting outfit you're wearing. I'm especially fond of that winter gypsy motif. ... BROOKS: Winter gypsy motif? BOYNTON: Yes, those large woolen earrings. ... BROOKS: Ear muffs; cold lobes. ... We've got a few minutes before class, Mr. Boynton. Do you mind if I sit down for a little chat? BOYNTON: Not at all, but be careful where you sit; I brought-- BROOKS: Ouch! BOYNTON: --my skis to school today. ... BROOKS: Thanks, Mr. Boynton. That's a very good tip. The second one I've received today. ... Here, stand them in the corner. BOYNTON: All right. SOUND: WOODEN SKIS PLACED IN CORNER BOYNTON: You see, there's gonna be a little time before the dance begins, so I thought I'd go over to the big hill behind school this afternoon and do a little shee-ing. ... BROOKS: A little what? BOYNTON: Shee-ing. Oh, there are other pronunciations, I suppose, but in England and Norway, shee-ing is considered most acceptable. BROOKS: Under the proper conditions, you can't knock it anywhere. ... BOYNTON: By the way, Miss Brooks. Are you interested in the sport? BROOKS: Oh, quite a bit, Mr. Boynton, except that I've always called it hee-ing. I mean-- ... I mean, I've always called it skiing. BOYNTON: Well, skiing or shee-ing, I'm going out on the hill after school. Would you like to come along with me? BROOKS: Shertainly! Er-- Certainly. ... If there's one thing I'm just crazy to do, it's to sail down that snowy expanse and try out my christies and stemmies. ... Of course, I haven't had much of an opportunity to ski since coming to Madison, but I know it'll all come back to me in a flash. Oh, I see, you've got the poles that help you keep your balance. Just what do you call those poles, Mr. Boynton? BOYNTON: Just poles. BROOKS: And what about those metal discs near the bottom. What are they called? BOYNTON: They're just called metal discs. BROOKS: I've got this thing down pat, haven't I? ... Well, if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to dig up a pair of skis for this afternoon. I don't have a pair of my own. BOYNTON: I don't have any extra ones. Do you think you can borrow some, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: Don't worry, Mr. Boynton. I'll be out on that hill with you this afternoon if I have to get a long splinter in each foot. ... MUSIC: BRIDGE BROOKS: So you see, Walter, that's why I asked you to stay after class. You've just got to lend me those skis today. WALTER: But, Miss Brooks, I spent my whole study period polishing them up. I mean, I haven't even tried these out myself yet. BROOKS: But, Walter-- SOUND: HARRIET'S STEPS APPROACH ... OUT BEHIND-- HARRIET: (APPROACHES) I was looking for you, Walter, and-- Oh hi, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: (GLUM) Hello, Harriet. WALTER: (THE SAME) Hi, Harriet. HARRIET: Well, what's wrong? You two having a beef? BROOKS: Not a whole beef, Harriet, just a small filet. ... I'm trying to convince him to lend me his skis, just for this afternoon. Mr. Boynton's going to give me a refresher course. WALTER: Refresher course? But you said you never skied in your life. BROOKS: That should make it all the more refreshing. ... HARRIET: Of course Walter will lend them to you, Miss Brooks. WALTER: But, Harriet, we were going out to the hill, and-- HARRIET: (INTERRUPTS) The hill won't disappear, Walter; neither will the snow. We'll get to the dance earlier this way. WALTER: Yeah, but-- HARRIET: (INTERRUPTS, AMOROUSLY) Walter, dear, which is more romantic? Racing up and down a hill on a pair of sticks? Or holding me close in your arms doing the mambo jambo? ... WALTER: (HORMONALLY) The skis are yours, Miss Brooks! ... BROOKS: Good. Now show me how to put these things on so I'll look like I practically know what I'm doing this afternoon. WALTER: Okay, Miss Brooks. Now, with the new Danton Claw it's relatively simple. Er, just slip your feet through these metal toe plates. (BEAT) That's right. (WITH EFFORT) Now we just snap this cable around your heel. SOUND: SNAP! CLICK! HARRIET: Is this your new invention, Walter? WALTER: This is it, Harriet. Now the other cable. SOUND: SNAP! CLICK! WALTER: There! How do they feel? BROOKS: Real cozy. I'll just take a few steps and see if I can remain standing. SOUND: WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! FOUR NOISY STEPS WITH WOOD SKIS ON HARD FLOOR BROOKS: They feel all right to me. Now help me get them off, Walter. I've got another class in a few minutes. HARRIET: Oh here, sit down, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: Thanks, Harriet. WALTER: Now, we just grab the binding here - hold the cable thusly - and give it a gentle tug and presto! (GRUNTS WITH EFFORT) ... That's funny. I'll try it again. Take hold of the binding here, give the cable a yank here, and presto! (GRUNTS WITH GREATER EFFORT) ... Once again, presto! (GRUNTS WITH EVEN GREATER EFFORT) ... BROOKS: "Presto" isn't doing so well. ... You better try "Abracadabra." ... HARRIET: These cables seem to be stuck. WALTER: Let's see. Oh! Now I remember! Oh, when I had the whole thing worked out and assembled, I remembered leaving myself a notation about one detail that had to be perfected. BROOKS: What's that? WALTER: A way to get 'em off. ... HARRIET: You mean you can't get them off Miss Brooks's feet? WALTER: Now, calm down, everybody; don't get panicky. We'll get 'em off, by and by. HARRIET: By and by?! BROOKS: Look, Walter, while we're waiting for "By and By" to get here, there's something you've just got to do, so I won't appear ridiculous in this classroom. WALTER: What's that, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: Cut a hole in the roof and let some snow in! ... MUSIC: FIRST ACT CURTAIN SOUND: APPLAUSE MUSIC: FOR JINGLE SINGERS: Brush your teeth with Colgate's! Colgate Dental Cream! It cleans your breath-- BASS: What a toothpaste! SINGERS: --while it cleans your teeth! BASS: Colgate Toothpaste! SINGERS: Cleans your breath-- BASS: What a toothpaste! SINGERS: --while it cleans your teeth! MUSIC: OUT VERNE SMITH: Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth! And the Colgate way stops tooth decay best! 2ND ANNCR: Yes, the Colgate way is the most thoroughly proved and accepted home method of oral hygiene known today! Over two years' research showed brushing teeth right after eating with Colgate Dental Cream helps stop more decay for more people than ever before reported in dentifrice history. The Colgate way stopped tooth decay best! VERNE SMITH: No other dentifrice, ammoniated or not, offers such conclusive proof. And you should know that Colgate's, while not mentioned by name, was the only toothpaste used in the research on tooth decay recently reported in Reader's Digest. 2ND ANNCR: So always follow the Colgate way to clean your breath while you clean your teeth -- and stop tooth decay best! MUSIC: FOR JINGLE SINGERS: Brush your teeth with Colgate's! Colgate Dental Cream! It cleans your breath-- BASS: What a toothpaste! SINGERS: --while it cleans your teeth! MUSIC: OUT VERNE SMITH: And the Colgate way stops tooth decay best! MUSIC: THEME ... OUT BEHIND-- BROOKS: (NARRATES) Well, the American teacher has been called upon to face many a crisis, and I refused to let the fact that my ankles were locked to a pair of skis by the Denton Claw faze me one bit. When it came time for me to conduct my class, I merely smiled, rose from my desk, and, with my customary dignity and poise, stepped lightly to the blackboard. SOUND: WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! FOUR NOISY STEPS WITH WOOD SKIS ON HARD FLOOR BROOKS: ... Quiet, class! Attention, all of you. What's the matter with you kids anyhow? Don't you think it's cold enough in this room for skis? ... Now look at the blackboard, please. In order to find the adjunct phrase in the sentence on the board, I shall break it down into its component parts. Now, where's that chalk? Oh, I have some on my desk. One moment, class. SOUND: WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! FOUR NOISY STEPS WITH WOOD SKIS ON HARD FLOOR BROOKS: Here it is. WALTER: (APPROACHES) Miss Brooks, I gotta talk to you for a minute! I've got good news! BROOKS: Kindly pick up your books, class. (BEAT) Yes, Harriet? HARRIET: (OFF) What do you want us to do with our books, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: I want you to put your noses in them. ... Also your mouths. ... WALTER: I couldn't leave you here marooned in this predicament, Miss Brooks. So guess what I brought for ya? BROOKS: A Saint Bernard with a keg of arsenic? ... WALTER: No. No, I borrowed a hack saw from machine shop. I'll get those skis off you in no time. BROOKS: Now? WALTER: Sure, while the class is busy reading, I'll just slide under your desk, leap at your imprisoned puppies, and hack away. ... BROOKS: Well, it's as good a time as any, I guess, but be careful with that saw, Walter. Remember my ankle bone is connected to the shin bone. ... WALTER: Here I go, Miss Brooks. (WITH EFFORT, CRAWLING UNDER DESK) Eh-- I've got to get these leather thongs first. They're even tougher than the wire cable. I'll work as fast as I can, though. I'd hate for Mr. Conklin to catch you with these slats on. BROOKS: Oh, that's a charming thought, especially when I recall what a bug our beloved principal is on the personal appearance of the faculty. All that has to happen now-- SOUND: CLASSROOM DOOR OPENS CONKLIN: At ease, class. ... BROOKS: It happened. ... Mr. Conklin--? CONKLIN: Don't bother to get up, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: Don't worry. ... I mean, this is quite a surprise, sir. I didn't expect you in my room this morning. Ouch! CONKLIN: Does my visit pain you so severely, Miss Brooks? ... BROOKS: Oh, no, sir. On the contrary, every time I see your smiling face, I-- Ouch! ... Forgive me, Mr. Conklin; a bit of a headache. CONKLIN: You certainly are. ... But, Miss Brooks, if I may-- BROOKS: (INTERRUPTS, RAPIDLY) Of course you may, Mr. Conklin. You may return to this classroom anytime you wish. Well, goodbye. It's been nice to have seen-- Oops! SOUND: A PIECE OF CHALK KNOCKED OFF DESK ONTO FLOOR CONKLIN: Oh, you dropped your chalk under your desk, Miss Brooks. Let me get it for you. BROOKS: (QUICKLY) No! No, thank you! I've - I've already got it. See? CONKLIN: Amazing. It fell to the floor and you got it without even bending over. ... BROOKS: My foot handed it to me. ... I mean, my hands footed it to-- I've got it. See? CONKLIN: I don't know what's wrong with you this morning, Miss Brooks, but I came in to address your class, and with your permission, I'll do so. BROOKS: Permission granted, sir -- very granted. Go right ahead, Mr. Conklin. CONKLIN: (CLEARS THROAT) Thank you. (BRISKLY, TO CLASS) Now then, most of you are aware of the fact that, by dint of much argument and persuasion, I recently prevailed upon the Board of Education to appropriate one thousand dollars for the purpose of re-sanding and completely refinishing the floors throughout this building and in our gymnasium. This work has been done, and done well. Yet, only moments ago in the hallway, in flagrant violation of my posted notice to preserve the school floors, I discovered the soggy prints of a pair of skis. BROOKS: (CHOKES) ... CONKLIN: Something in your throat, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: Just my heart. ... Please continue, Mr. Conklin. CONKLIN: Well, I don't like to have to resort to these methods, but I must ask all you students to swing your feet into the aisles and I will pass among you to inspect them. (MOVING OFF) I'll take this row first, right over here. SOUND: CLASS MURMURS BRIEFLY ... THEN SHUFFLES UNCOMFORTABLY BROOKS: (TO CLASS) Now, quiet class. Whatever you do, don't talk. WALTER: (LOW) This file isn't very sharp, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: (LOW) Then, for heaven's sake, start biting, Walter. ... WALTER: I'll do my best. I'm not down here playing "This Little Piggy" you know. ... BROOKS: Stop talking and gnaw. ... CONKLIN: (APPROACHES) The guilty one doesn't seem to be in this class, Miss Brooks. Have you looked in the cloakroom? BROOKS: Believe me, the skis aren't in the cloakroom, sir. (TO HERSELF) I wish they were, but they're not. (TO CONKLIN) That is, if you have to go back to your office now-- CONKLIN: (INTERRUPTS) You have another class coming in shortly, Miss Brooks. I'll wait for them. Meanwhile, carry on with this one. BROOKS: But it's quite a boring lesson today, Mr. Conklin. You see, I was about to tell my class which is the adjunct phrase on the blackboard and-- CONKLIN: (INTERRUPTS) Now, don't merely tell them, Miss Brooks. They'll retain it much better if you go to the blackboard and check it off. BROOKS: (BEAT) Go to the blackboard? ... CONKLIN: Yes, Miss Brooks, and at once. BROOKS: At once? CONKLIN: Yes, Miss Brooks. (BEAT) Now. (BEAT, AN ORDER) March. BROOKS: Very well. SOUND: WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! FOUR NOISY STEPS WITH WOOD SKIS ON HARD FLOOR ... TO THE BLACKBOARD ... THEN CLICKETY-CLICK! OF CHALK ON BLACKBOARD BROOKS: There, the phrase is checked off. SOUND: WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! FOUR NOISY STEPS ... BACK TO THE DESK CONKLIN: Well, that's more like it. And I must say, you walk very gracefully in those skis you're wearing. ... But now that you've checked off the adjunct phrase, Miss Brooks, it seems to me that you ought to discuss all the component parts of the sentence, such as prepositions, adjectives, verbs, and-- (EXPLODES) THOSE SKIS YOU'RE WEARING?! ... BROOKS: Skis, sir? What skis? CONKLIN: I am waiting, Miss Brooks. Drag those warped planks out from under that desk of yours and bring them here. BROOKS: But, Mr. Conklin, I-- Ouch! I - I can't imagine what-- CONKLIN: (INTERRUPTS) I'm waiting, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: Very well, sir. (PAUSE) Here I am. See? I'm not wearing skis. CONKLIN: No. No, you're not. But would you mind telling me, Nature Girl -- ... -- why you're conducting this class in your bare feet?! ... BROOKS: What? Oh, I'm just trying to preserve the floors, Mr. Conklin. I just kicked my shoes off under the desk. CONKLIN: I'll just have a look under that desk. BROOKS: But there's nothing down there but shoes. CONKLIN: Out of my way. I'll look for myself. WALTER: Miss Brooks is right. There's nothing down here but us shoes. ... CONKLIN: Just as I suspected. Walter Denton -- a hack saw -- and the skis. BROOKS: It's the old eternal triangle. ... Hand me the skis, Walter. CONKLIN: I'll deal with you both in my office after school. And now, Miss Brooks, hand those skis over to me. BROOKS: Here you are, Mr. Conklin. SOUND: CRACK! AND TINKLE! OF BROKEN GLASS CONKLIN: (CALMLY) You seem to have broken my glasses, Miss Brooks. ... BROOKS: Please, Mr. Conklin! You know I didn't mean it. CONKLIN: You never do. ... You know, Miss Brooks, for most people, skis are synonymous with healthful, invigorating exercise. But in your position, somehow they become a lethal weapon. ... I never want to see a pair on or near you again, is that clear? BROOKS: Yes, sir. But about your glasses-- CONKLIN: Knowing I might make contact with you today, I brought my extra pair along. ... If you'll just step back a pace or two, I'll slip them on. (BEAT) Ah, there! Now, if you'll be good enough to reach back and hand me the other ski. BROOKS: The other one? CONKLIN: (YES) Mm hm. BROOKS: Oh, yes, here you are. SOUND: CRASH! AND TINKLE! OF BROKEN GLASS BROOKS: ... Oh, what have I done? Oh, I'm - I'm terribly upset, Mr. Conklin. CONKLIN: You must be. You only broke a window this time. ... Not very good aim for you. ... I still have my glasses. BROOKS: Yes, sir. And I still have the ski you asked for. Here it is, Mr. Conklin. SOUND: CRACK! AND TINKLE! OF BROKEN GLASS CONKLIN: ... (SLOWLY, IMPRESSED) Good shot, girl. ... MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: LIGHT WIND BLOWS ... FOOTSTEPS TRUDGE IN SNOW, IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING-- BOYNTON: (SLIGHTLY OUT OF BREATH) The summit of the old ski hill is just up ahead, Miss Brooks. I wish we could have started earlier. It's getting pretty nippy out. BROOKS: The delay was unavoidable, Mr. Boynton. Right after school, Mr. Conklin summoned Walter Denton and me to a meeting in his office. You know how strict he is about parliamentary procedure. BOYNTON: Yes, I do. BROOKS: We had the floor for over an hour. BOYNTON: You and Walter? BROOKS: Yes, he waxed and I polished. ... But that's all behind us now. BOYNTON: Yes, let's forget about school and discipline. (SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP) Well, this is the summit. We'll take off from here. BROOKS: (CORRECTS HIM) You'll take off from here. I'm just a spectator. I don't even have any skis. BOYNTON: I know, but we'll share mine. Ladies first, Miss Brooks. Here, I'll slip them on for you. BROOKS: Oh no, please, I wouldn't think of it. BOYNTON: Oh, nonsense. Give me your right foot first, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: No, Mr. Boynton. BOYNTON: Now, just lean down, lay your head close to mine, and put your arms around my shoulders. BROOKS: Well, if you're going to bribe me-- ... SOUND: SNAP! OF SKI BOYNTON: There! There's one-- SOUND: SNAP! OF SKI BOYNTON: --and there's the other. All set to take off, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: (NERVOUSLY) Wait! It looks much different from the top than it did from below. CONKLIN: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Ski Heil, Mr. Boynton! ... BOYNTON: Oh, it's Mr. Conklin. BROOKS: (TO HERSELF) Oh no, I've got to work fast. SOUND: SCOOPING AND PACKING OF SNOW ... THEN IN BG-- BOYNTON: (CALLS) Ski Heil, Mr. Conklin! (LOW, TO BROOKS) Uh, why are you covering your skis with snow, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: (LOW) I'll explain later, Mr. Boynton. ( SOUND: SCOOPING AND PACKING STOP WITH--) (TO HERSELF) They're pretty well hidden now. CONKLIN: (APPROACHES, HAPPY) Ah, hello, Boynton; what a delightful winter's day. BROOKS: Hello, Mr. Conklin. CONKLIN: (UNHAPPY TO SEE HER) Turned pretty raw, didn't it? ... Well, Miss Brooks, how have you been behaving yourself since I saw you last -- two pair of glasses ago? ... BROOKS: Just fine, Mr. Conklin. BOYNTON: I notice you don't have your skis on, Mr. Conklin. Aren't you going to take advantage of the snow today? CONKLIN: Me? Get on a pair of skis with my blood pressure? No, thank you. I just came up to look at the scenery and get a breath of fresh air before plunging into the fetid atmosphere of that dance in the gym. BROOKS: You make it sound like fun. BOYNTON: Oh, the view's lovely from here, all right, but you'll have to step a bit closer to the edge of the hill, Mr. Conklin, if you really want to get a bird's eye view. CONKLIN: That, Mr. Boynton, is for the birds. ... I'll just stand here behind Miss Brooks and take a peek over her shoulder. (BEAT) Gad, it looks like a terrifying descent. BOYNTON: Oh, there's nothing to it, sir. Now, watch how Miss Brooks sails down. I'll just give you a flying start, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: (SCARED) Mr. Boynton, wait! Please! BOYNTON: (WITH EFFORT) Here you go! BROOKS: Oh, nooooooooo! SOUND: HARSH BLOWING WIND ... THEN IN BG-- BROOKS: Where did that wind come from? BOYNTON: (CALLS, FROM OFF) You're doing fine, Miss Brooks! Just watch out for those rocks! BROOKS: Rocks?! Where are the brakes on these things?! BOYNTON: (CALLS, FROM OFF) You're clear now! Steady, Miss Brooks! Slow down a bit! Slow down, you're going too fast! BROOKS: I can't slow down! BOYNTON: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Bear left, Miss Brooks, past that gully! Look out! You're headed right for that big tree! Look out for that tree! BROOKS: It's the only way I can stop! (TO HERSELF) Oh, if I can just grab one of the branches. Here goes. SOUND: CRACKLE! AND SNAP! OF BRANCHES GRABBED BROOKS: Oof! Oh! SOUND: BIG FLOP! INTO SNOWBANK ... WIND OUT BROOKS: ... (TO HERSELF) Well, that did it, thank Heaven. What an experience! CONKLIN: (PAUSE, MISERABLE MONOTONE) Mind if I get off now? ... BROOKS: (SURPRISED) Oh-- Mr. Conklin? CONKLIN: None other. ... BROOKS: Please, sir, I didn't know I had a hitch-hiker. ... That is, the wind was blowing-- CONKLIN: (EXPLODES) Oh, stop mumbling, woman! And explain, if you can, this dastardly act of violence! BROOKS: It wasn't intentional, sir. I had no way of knowing you were in the caboose. ... That is-- Well, sir, if you want the truth, I did know there was something in back of me. CONKLIN: You did?! BROOKS: Certainly. But the way I was stooped over, I thought it was me! ... MUSIC: CURTAIN SOUND: APPLAUSE ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- ANNOUNCER: Eve Arden as OUR MISS BROOKS returns in just a moment. But first-- MUSIC: "THE MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEZE" MELODY ... FOR JINGLE-- SINGERS: You get smoother, more comfortable, comfortable shaves By shaving the Palmolive Brushless Way. Get smoother, more comfortable, comfortable shaves The Palmolive Brushless Way. BASS: Boom. VERNE SMITH: Hey, that's a fact, men. You can get smoother -- yes, more comfortable shaves -- the Palmolive Brushless Shaving Cream Way. Just rub velvet-smooth Palmolive Brushless into your beard. You'll find it wilts the toughest whiskers, actually protects your skin by providing a soft film that floats your razor's cutting edge. Remember, over twelve hundred men tested the Palmolive Brushless Shaving Cream Way following directions on the package, and no matter how they shaved before, three out of four reported beards easier to cut, less razor pull, smoother, more comfortable -- yes, more comfortable -- shaves. So, men, try the Palmolive Brushless Way yourself. Even in cold or hard water, you get a close, clean shave, and a smoother, more comfortable -- yes, a more comfortable -- shave. MUSIC: FOR JINGLE-- SINGERS: You get smoother, more comfortable, comfortable shaves The Palmolive Brushless Way. BASS: Boom. VERNE SMITH: Next time you shave, try the Palmolive Brushless Shaving Cream Way. MUSIC: TAG ANNOUNCER: And now once again here is our Miss Brooks. BROOKS: (NARRATES) Well, Mr. Conklin soon followed his gradually descending blood pressure down the side of the hill, and shortly afterwards, Mr. Boynton and I approached the gym. BOYNTON: You did very well on those skis I loaned you, Miss Brooks. BROOKS: I'm still alive, if that's what you mean, but I was rather surprised that they didn't slip off when I hit the tree. BOYNTON: Well, you've got to give Walter credit. That invention of his really does the job. BROOKS: What? You mean he put the Denton Claw on your skis, too? BOYNTON: Certainly. Well, I see the band's getting ready to play a number. May I have this dance, Miss Brooks? BROOKS: I wouldn't be without it. MUSIC: FIVE-NOTE PHRASE OF "BLUE DANUBE WALTZ" FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY-- SOUND: WHAP!-WHAP! WHAP!-WHAP! IN RHYTHM WITH THE MUSIC, FOUR NOISY STEPS WITH WOOD SKIS ON HARD FLOOR MUSIC: SECOND FIVE-NOTE PHRASE OF "BLUE DANUBE WALTZ" FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY-- SOUND: WHAP!-WHAP! WHAP!-WHAP! ... MUSIC: WALTZ SEGUES DIRECTLY INTO THEME ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]-- SOUND: APPLAUSE ... THEN BEHIND VERNE SMITH-- VERNE SMITH: This is Verne Smith reminding you to tune in next week for another OUR MISS BROOKS show, brought to you by Palmolive Shave Cream, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave, and Colgate Dental Cream, to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. ANNOUNCER: OUR MISS BROOKS starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Berns, written by Al Lewis and Joe Quillan, with the music of Wilbur Hatch. [X] Mr. Boynton is played by Jeff Chandler. Mr. Conklin by Gale Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, and Gloria McMillan. MUSIC: TAG 1ST VOICE: Listen to this! With mar-vel-ous Vel -- V-E-L -- you can save ninety percent of dishwashing work. 2ND VOICE: A quick soak in Vel suds gets dishes and glassware shiny clean. Even if a bit of food should cling, a touch with a dishcloth gets rid of it fast. 1ST VOICE: Yes, Vel's Activated Suds lift off and carry away food and grease, so all dishes need is a quick rinse and they dry sparkling without washing or wiping. 2ND VOICE: All pots and pans need is a soaking with Vel suds, then you can wash them shiny clean without hard scouring. 1ST VOICE: What's more, Vel is a miracle of mildness. So get new Vel! Save ninety percent of dishwashing work! MUSIC: THEME ... THEN IN BG UNTIL THE END-- ANNOUNCER: "King's Row" comes to radio tomorrow. If you loved "King's Row" as a novel, cheered it as a motion picture, you'll thrill to "King's Row" as an exciting Colgate radio drama. KING'S ROW can be heard on most of these Columbia Network radio stations tomorrow and every Monday through Friday at three-fifteen p.m., Eastern Standard Time. And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of OUR MISS BROOKS. Bob LeMond speaking. SOUND: APPLAUSE ... UNTIL THE END-- CBS ANNCR: Stay tuned now for JACK BENNY. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.