My Favorite Husband
Dinner for Twelve
Date: Oct 14 1950
CAST:
ANNOUNCER
SINGERS
LIZ
GEORGE, Liz's husband
MOTHER, Liz's cruel, condescending mother-in-law
KATY, Liz's faithful housekeeper
IRIS, Liz's best friend; enthusiastic
DELIVERY BOY, amorous teen with cracked voice
ANNOUNCER: It's time for "My Favorite Husband," starring Lucille Ball.
LIZ: (GREETING) Jell-O, everybody!
SOUND: APPLAUSE
MUSIC: THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND--
ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's the gay family series, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, transcribed and brought to you by the Jell-O family of red-letter desserts.
MUSIC: FOR JINGLE, IN BG--
SINGERS: Ohhhhh!
The big red letters stand for the Jell-O family.
Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O family.
That's Jell-O!
WOMAN: Yum, yum, yum.
SINGERS: Jell-O puddings.
MAN: Yum, yum, yum.
SINGERS: Jell-O tap-pioca puddings. Yes-sir-ee!
MUSIC: OUT
ANNOUNCER: And now, Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, as Liz and George Cooper -- two people who live together, and like it.
MUSIC: BRISK INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--
ANNOUNCER: In a little white two-story house located at Three-Twenty-One Bundy Drive in the bustling little suburb of Sheridan Falls, George Cooper is just leaving for the bank.
LIZ: Goodbye, my little husband. Kiss me, baby. (LONG KISS) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ... You'll be home for dinner, won't you?
GEORGE: (REMEMBERS) Uh-oh, dinner. Er, Liz, I - I forgot to tell you something.
LIZ: What?
GEORGE: Now, promise me you won't get mad.
LIZ: Oh, go ahead. Nothing you say will upset me this morning. I'm in a good mood and I'm gonna stay that way all day long.
GEORGE: I invited mother to dinner.
LIZ: (SOURLY) Well, that was a short day. ...
GEORGE: Now, Liz, you promised you wouldn't get mad.
LIZ: I'm not mad, but your mother was here for dinner just two days ago.
GEORGE: That was two weeks ago.
LIZ: How time flies. ...
GEORGE: Oh, Liz, really, you're being very unfair. She's coming over to dinner tonight, so - so why don't you just be nice to her?
LIZ: Okay, George, I'll be nice to her. I'll feed the hand that bites me.
MUSIC: BRIDGE
SOUND: DINNER TABLE BACKGROUND (DISHES, UTENSILS, ET CETERA)
LIZ: Spinach, Mother Cooper?
MOTHER: Thank you, Liz dear.
LIZ: George, would you like some spinach?
GEORGE: I don't believe so, Liz.
MOTHER: (AS IF TO A CHILD, HER VOICE DROPS AN OCTAVE ON "BABY") But, George baby. ... Now we should eat our spinach.
GEORGE: But I don't like spinach.
MOTHER: Oh, we must all eat a well-balanced meal to keep our strength up. After all, food is the fuel and your body is the furnace.
LIZ: Yeah, but George's furnace has turned into a pot-bellied stove. ...
MOTHER: I must say, Elizabeth, I don't consider that George is overweight at all. In fact, I think he's been looking a little thin and peakèd lately.
LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Ah, here it comes. ...
MOTHER: (TO GEORGE) Have you been getting enough to eat, baby?
GEORGE: Oh, sure, mother.
MOTHER: (ANOTHER OCTAVE DROP) Well, you don't look like it to me, ba-by. ...
LIZ: Don't you worry, Mother Cooper. Baby gets his pablum every three hours. ...
MOTHER: (INDIGNANT) Well!
KATY: Coffee, anyone?
MOTHER: Not for George, Katy. It keeps him awake and you know he needs his beauty sleep.
KATY: Er, coffee, Mrs. Cooper?
LIZ: No, Katy. It keeps me awake. And you know I need my ugly nap. ...
GEORGE: All right, Liz. Let's talk about Monday night. What are you having for dinner?
LIZ: Monday night?
GEORGE: Oh, no, I forgot to tell you.
LIZ: What?
GEORGE: I invited the Atterburys and some important out-of-town clients for dinner.
LIZ: Oh, well, that isn't so bad, dear. How many extra will there be? Two? Four?
GEORGE: Ten. ...
LIZ: Ten?! As in one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten?!
GEORGE: Yes. And, er, two of us makes twelve.
LIZ: Twelve?!
GEORGE: But, honey, we've had twelve to dinner before.
LIZ: I know, but -- (LOWERS VOICE) -- I'm afraid Katy will get mad.
KATY: No, she won't.
LIZ: (STARTLED) Oh, I thought you were in the kitchen.
KATY: No, ma'am.
LIZ: (APOLOGETIC) Well, I know it's short notice, Katy -- it's only two days away -- but do you mind if we have twelve people to dinner Monday night?
KATY: Not at all. I think it's a wonderful idea.
LIZ: (SURPRISED) Well, Katy! Are you sure it won't bother you?
KATY: It won't bother me at all. I leave on my vacation Sunday. ...
LIZ: Oh, no. I forgot.
GEORGE: Oh, gosh, what'll we do without Katy?
MOTHER: (MERRY SARCASM) Oh, that's simple enough. Liz will cook the dinner for twelve people. (CRACKS UP WITH LAUGHTER) ...
GEORGE: (JOINS IN LAUGHING) Liz cooking for twelve people! Oh, no! (CHUCKLES)
LIZ: (SOURLY) Well, let's all have a big laugh. It's good for the digestion. Ha ha ha ha! ...
GEORGE: Now, Liz, don't get sore. You'll have to admit that's a pretty funny idea.
LIZ: I fail to see what's so amusing about it. I could cook dinner.
MOTHER: (WITHERING) Of course, dear -- if you knew how to cook. ...
LIZ: Well, I do know how to cook.
GEORGE: Oh, Liz--
LIZ: What was wrong with the meal you just ate?
GEORGE: (TAKEN ABACK) Liz, did - did you cook dinner tonight?
LIZ: Certainly. I didn't put too much cheese in the soufflé, did I?
MOTHER: (SKEPTICAL) Oh, so you made the soufflé, Elizabeth?
LIZ: Yes. Did you like it?
MOTHER: Why, it was delicious. In fact, it was so good, I, er-- I wonder if you'd give me your recipe.
LIZ: I'd be glad to. I'll phone it to you in the morning.
MOTHER: Oh, no, dear. I'd like it right now.
LIZ: (UNEASY) Oh. ... Well, uh, you just put all the cheese and things in a bowl, and then - then you take a piece of souf and lay it on the top. ...
MOTHER: Yes, dear. But you didn't tell me how many eggs you used.
LIZ: Oh. Eggs. Uh, Katy, you were watching me. How many eggs did I use?
KATY: Six.
LIZ: That's right, six eggs! ...
MOTHER: How much milk?
LIZ: Uh, milk? Katy--?
KATY: I wasn't watching. ...
LIZ: (WOUNDED) Ewww. ... (TO KATY) Well, how many cups did it sound like?
KATY: It sounded like one cup.
LIZ: Good ear, Katy. It was one cup.
GEORGE: (REASONABLY) Look, Liz, why don't you just admit you don't know how to cook and we'll hire someone to come in and get the dinner for us?
LIZ: (CONCEDES RELUCTANTLY) Well, for twelve people, maybe--
MOTHER: (TWISTING THE KNIFE) George baby -- since Liz has failed you in your hour of need, why don't you let mother come in and cook for you? I'd be glad to do it.
LIZ: (DEFIANT) That does it! I'm going to cook the dinner.
GEORGE: Oh, come off it, Liz.
MOTHER: (HIGHLY AMUSED) I'd like to see it when you're done! (TITTERS)
LIZ: Go ahead, laugh! I'll show you! I'll get dinner for twelve people and it'll be the best, the tastiest, the most wonderful dinner you ever saw!
MUSIC: BRIDGE
GEORGE: (CALLS) Liz, is my breakfast ready yet?
LIZ: (APPROACHES) Here you are, George -- bacon, fried eggs, toast, and coffee.
SOUND: TRAY SET DOWN
GEORGE: Mmm, this looks wonderful, honey!
LIZ: Thank you.
GEORGE: Did you cook all this yourself?
LIZ: Sure! Nothing to it. Go ahead, dig in.
SOUND: UTENSILS ON PLATE
GEORGE: (BEAT) Liz, these eggs are stone cold.
LIZ: They are? Oh, darn it.
GEORGE: Well, how could they get so cold? How long ago did you cook them?
LIZ: Last night.
GEORGE: Last night?! ...
LIZ: Well, George, I'm gonna be so busy with the dinner party today, I - I cooked your breakfast last night and quick froze it.
GEORGE: (DISMAYED) Ohhhh! ...
LIZ: Well, it's a perfectly good fried egg. I just didn't defrost it enough. ...
GEORGE: Well, thanks anyway. I'll eat breakfast downtown.
LIZ: Well, suit yourself.
GEORGE: Er, Liz, um--?
LIZ: Mmm?
GEORGE: About this dinner party. Are you sure you want to go through with it? Maybe we should have someone in to--
LIZ: (INTERRUPTS) Now, don't worry, George. I have someone to help me.
GEORGE: Who?
LIZ: Iris Atterbury. ...
GEORGE: Oh, brother! I get a great mental picture of you and Iris in the kitchen: two blind mice!
LIZ: (DEFENSIVE) Never mind. We'll be just fine.
SOUND: FRONT DOOR OPENS, OFF
IRIS: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Anybody home?!
LIZ: (CALLS) Oh, we're in the dining room, Iris!
IRIS: (APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Liz-girl! George-boy. ...
GEORGE: Hi, Iris. Well, I've got to run or I'll be late.
LIZ: See you later, dear.
SOUND: DINING ROOM DOOR CLOSES, OFF
LIZ: Come on out in the kitchen.
IRIS: Okay.
SOUND: KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
IRIS: What are you going to have, Liz?
LIZ: Well, I thought I'd have chicken.
IRIS: Broiled chicken! Oh, I love it!
LIZ: (WITH MOCK DISDAIN) Iris, please. Does Oscar of the Waldorf have broiled chicken?
IRIS: I don't know, does he? ...
LIZ: (GRANDLY) We're having Poulet Amandine.
IRIS: (BEAT) Huh? ...
LIZ: (SIMPLY) I have a wonderful French recipe.
IRIS: Oh, that sounds exciting. Is it hard to do?
LIZ: No, there's nothing to it. All it calls for is-- Let's see now. For the dressing: onions, butter, eggs, parsley, celery, and either mushrooms or nut meat. I love mushrooms, but I don't have any in the house.
IRIS: Well, I'll run down to the grocery while you're getting things ready.
LIZ: Oh, wait a minute! I just remembered. We have some growing in the backyard. ...
IRIS: Well, that's fine. Fine. Oh, then I won't have to go to the-- Hold it, girl. Are they mushrooms or toadstools? ...
LIZ: What's the difference? ...
IRIS: Toadstools are poisonous.
LIZ: Oh, dear. Well, isn't there any way of finding out if they're toadstools or not?
IRIS: Oh, sure. I'll go out and eat one. ... If I'm not back in half an hour, use nut meats! ...
LIZ: Oh, Iris, don't bother. We'll put in some walnuts instead.
IRIS: Okay.
LIZ: Well, let's get started. I'll cut the onions.
IRIS: Well, I'll help you. We'll get done faster.
LIZ: Okay. Here's an onion for you.
IRIS: Thanks.
SOUND: CUTTING ONIONS ... CONTINUES IN BG ... LIZ AND IRIS GROW INCREASINGLY TEARFUL
LIZ: Oh, you know, I can't understand why people make such a fuss over cooking. There's really nothing to it.
IRIS: Yeahhhh!
LIZ: You just follow the recipe and -- poof! -- Chicken Amandine.
IRIS: Yeah! (SNIFFLES) ... (TEARFUL) Hand me another onion. ...
LIZ: Here. (TEARFUL) Oh, Iris, I - I didn't know cooking could be such fun. (SNIFFLES) ...
IRIS: (VERY TEARFUL) Neither did I! ...
LIZ: (VERY TEARFUL) This is the best time I've had in ages. ...
IRIS: (WAILING) Me, toooooooo! ...
MUSIC: FIRST ACT CURTAIN
SOUND: APPLAUSE
ANNOUNCER: Well, it's pretty obvious that here's an occasion when Jell-O can save the day. Sure as shootin', if Liz and Iris treat the clients to a Jell-O dessert, the rest of the meal will be forgiven. I'll bet they'd all go for this autumn treat: rich red strawberry Jell-O teamed up with tart tangy pineapple. Just prepare strawberry Jell-O as directed using one-half cup of canned pineapple juice for one-half cup of water. When slightly thickened, fold in one cup of diced canned pineapple and chill until firm. It's a glorious combination, 'cause that delectable strawberry Jell-O now tastes even better than ever. Yes, it's been made richer; even more fruitlike and tempting. All six delicious Jell-O flavors are chuck full of locked-in goodness; tasting so fruit-rich and tempting, they're a new treat every time. That's strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, a registered trademark of General Foods, that stands for red-letter desserts.
SINGERS: J-E-L-L-Ohhhhhhhh!
MUSIC: CHORD FOR A TAG ... THEN THEME FOR TRANSITION ... THEN OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER--
ANNOUNCER: As we return to the Coopers', it's several hours later and we find the kitchen knee deep in dirty saucepans, greasy skillets, broken egg shells, and well-thumbed cookbooks. Surveying the wreckage proudly are Liz and Iris Atterbury.
LIZ: Well, Iris, isn't it about time to take the chickens out of the oven?
IRIS: Well, we've got to be sure, girl.
LIZ: Yeah?
IRIS: Let's see. What, uh, oven did you use?
LIZ: Well, the only one we've got. That one on the stove.
IRIS: No, no -- I meant "what temperature?"
LIZ: Oh, what--? Ah, temperature. Uh, six hundred degrees. ...
IRIS: That sounds a little high. ...
LIZ: Well, it's what the book said.
IRIS: Oh, no! Look here. The book says three hundred.
LIZ: (AS IF TO A CHILD) I know, but we have two chickens, so I doubled it. ...
IRIS: (ADMIRINGLY) I never would have thought of that. ...
LIZ: Let's see. What time did we put the chickens in?
IRIS: Nine o'clock. And it's, uh, two-thirty now. ...
LIZ: Five and a half hours. Well, they ought to be cooked.
IRIS: (EXCITED) Oooh! Let's take them out of the oven!
LIZ: I can't wait to see them!
SOUND: OVEN DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN
LIZ: (PAUSE) Well? (BEAT) Where are they? ...
IRIS: They've got to be in there! Look in the back!
LIZ: Okay. (BEAT) Iris! Don't you know this is a gas stove? Why did you put charcoal in here? ...
IRIS: Charcoal?
LIZ: Yeah. See in the back? Two little lumps of charcoal. ... (MILD DOUBLE TAKE) With legs and wings? ...
IRIS: It was all those breadcrumbs you put in. They burned like toast.
LIZ: Maybe we can take 'em out and scrape 'em. ...
IRIS: No, I don't think so, Liz. I think they're done for.
MOTHER: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Elizabeth?!
LIZ: Oh, no, it's Mother Cooper.
IRIS: What timing!
LIZ: Timing nothing. If I know her, she waited outside till she caught the aroma of burnt meat. ...
MOTHER: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Elizabeth, where are you?
LIZ: She's lost the scent. ... Quick, Iris, shut the oven.
IRIS: Okay.
SOUND: OVEN DOOR SHUTS
LIZ: (CALLS) In the kitchen, Mother Cooper!
MOTHER: (APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Elizabeth dear!
IRIS: Hello, Mrs. Cooper.
MOTHER: Oh, Iris, how are you? I just dropped over to see how you were coming with your little dinner, Elizabeth.
LIZ: (UNCONVINCING) Oh, fine, fine.
MOTHER: What are you having -- if I'm not being too nosy?
LIZ: (IRONIC) You?! Nosy?!
MOTHER: (CHUCKLES) ... Well? What are you having?
LIZ: Chicken Amandine.
MOTHER: Really? It's my favorite dish. But you must watch the chickens once they're in the oven. If you aren't careful, they'll burn.
LIZ: (BEAT, HEAVY IRONY) No! ...
MOTHER: Oh, yes. Yes, it's true. You just keep your eye on them until they get to be a nice crinkly brown.
IRIS: (BEAT) How about a nice crusty black? ...
LIZ: (HUSHED REPROACH) Iris--!
MOTHER: What? (SNIFFS BROADLY) Elizabeth, what's that burned smell?
LIZ: It's me. ... Iris just gave me a hotfoot. ...
MOTHER: Don't be silly. It's something in the oven. Let me see in there.
LIZ: No, don't!
SOUND: MOTHER'S STEPS TO OVEN DOOR, WHICH OPENS
MOTHER: A-ha! Just as I thought! (INHALES EXTRAVAGANTLY) They look like two little blackbirds. ... (TAUNTING) Well, what are you going to do now?
LIZ: (DEFIANT) I'm going to get two and twenty more and bake them in a pie! ...
MOTHER: (DISMISSIVE) Well! I wash my hands of the whole thing.
LIZ: Good!
MOTHER: (INDIGNANT) Well, I certainly know when I'm not wanted.
LIZ: Since when?!
MOTHER: (VERY INDIGNANT) Well! ... Good afternoon, Elizabeth!
LIZ: (IRONIC) Must you rush off?!
MOTHER: (EXTREMELY INDIGNANT) Well!
SOUND: DOOR SLAMS AS MOTHER EXITS
IRIS: ... (ENCOURAGING) That's telling her, Liz. She thinks you can't cook a dinner. So this one wasn't very good; you can cook another one.
LIZ: (BRAVELY) Sure! (BUT THEN SHE EMITS A SLOW, SAD WAIL OF DESPAIR) ...
IRIS: Liz-girl, what's wrong?
LIZ: (TEARFUL) I can't go through this again! ...
IRIS: Oh, sure you can. And I'll help you get started before I leave.
LIZ: Ohhh-- (DOUBLE TAKE) Leave?
IRIS: Well, yes, girl. I have to get my hair fixed for the dinner tonight.
LIZ: (TEARFUL) Do you mean I'm gonna have to burn the next two chickens all by myself?! ...
IRIS: Now, Liz, you just buck up.
LIZ: (SOBS)
IRIS: Look, I'll stop by the market on the way to the beauty shop and have them send out two more chickens.
LIZ: (RESIGNED) Well, okay.
IRIS: And this time don't try anything fancy. Put them in the pressure cooker. ... That way they'll be done in a hurry.
LIZ: (DAZED) Yeah. In a hurry.
IRIS: Yeah, and while they're on their way here, you can start the dressing.
LIZ: (ABSENTLY) Start the dressing? Start the dress--?
IRIS: Liz?
LIZ: What?
IRIS: You're looking a little dazed. Are you sure you know what to do?
LIZ: (LOOPY) Oh, sure. ... While you're having your hair done in the pressure cooker, I'll take the chickens to the beauty parlor. ... I mean, while the chickens are having their hair done, I'll be dressing in the pressure cooker. ...
IRIS: Oh, poor dear, I know what you mean.
LIZ: That's good. ...
IRIS: Well, if you need me, I'll be down at the beauty cooker. ... Pressure parlor! ... (SADLY) Good luck, girl; goodbye.
LIZ: Goodbye.
MUSIC: BRIDGE
SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... IRIS' VOICE ON FILTER
LIZ: (INTO PHONE, STILL DAZED, SAD, AND DEFEATED) Hello.
IRIS: Is that you, Liz?
LIZ: Yes.
IRIS: I just got home from the beauty parlor. How's it going?
LIZ: Oh, sure. ...
IRIS: What happened, girl?
LIZ: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. ...
IRIS: Well, tell me, tell me! How'd the two chickens turn out?
LIZ: Which two? ...
IRIS: Well, I know you burned two. What about the other two?
LIZ: Which two? ...
IRIS: Will you stop saying "Which two"? Tell me what happened.
LIZ: Iris, you're talking to a woman who's gone through eight chickens today. ...
IRIS: Liz, what about the two in the pressure cooker?
LIZ: The pressure cooker exploded. ...
IRIS: Well, what about the chickens?!
LIZ: They look delicious. ...
IRIS: What do you mean they "look" delicious?
LIZ: I can't get them down off the ceiling. ...
IRIS: Well, that's four. What about five and six?
LIZ: Gone. ...
IRIS: Gone?
LIZ: I got so confused cleaning up after three and four, I threw five and six in the garbage disposal. ...
IRIS: Well, this is unbelievable.
LIZ: Finally, the butcher ran out of dressed birds and sent out two live ones. ...
IRIS: Well, did you cook them?
LIZ: Cook them? I can't even catch 'em! ... When last seen, seven and eight were going east on Bundy Drive. ...
IRIS: Oh, you poor thing! Eight chickens and nothing to show for it!
LIZ: Oh, yes, I have. Before she left, seven laid an egg on the kitchen table. ...
IRIS: Well, look, Liz, I had a feeling something like this might happen, so I--
SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR
LIZ: Iris? Iris, I have to go. There's someone at the back door.
IRIS: Well, don't worry about a thing, girl. I have a feeling everything's going to be all right.
LIZ: (SKEPTICAL) Oh, sure. Goodbye.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN ... MORE KNOCKING
LIZ: (CALLS) I'm coming!
SOUND: BACK DOOR OPENS
BOY: (CHEERFUL) Mrs. George Cooper?
LIZ: Yes?
BOY: Dinner for twelve from Johnson's catering service!
LIZ: (BEWILDERED) A dinner for twelve people? Let me see.
SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED
LIZ: (SURPRISED) Oh! Roast beef! And potatoes and green beans and Yorkshire pudding! (OVERCOME WITH GRATITUDE) Oh, thank you! Thank you! (KISSES BOY NOISILY) Mmmmmmmmmmm!
SOUND: SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! OF LIZ'S KISSES
BOY: (WILDLY HAPPY EXCLAMATION) You're welcome!
LIZ: ... (CALMS DOWN) Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't send it; you just brought it. Where's the card?
BOY: (ENCHANTED BY LIZ) Here!
SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER
LIZ: (READS) "Mrs. Cooper, I had a hunch you might have trouble with your dinner. Good luck, Katy." Oh, bless Katy and her hunches!
BOY: (DAZED) Yeah. Well, I'll be seeing ya!
LIZ: Thank you again.
BOY: (INSISTENT) The pleasure was all mine! ...
SOUND: DOOR CLOSES
LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, that wonderful Katy! My dinner party's saved. I'll have to call Iris and tell her.
SOUND: RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR
LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Now who's that?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN ... LIZ'S STEPS TO DOOR, WHICH OPENS
BOY: (STILL IN A DAZE) Hi, lady.
LIZ: Did you forget something?
BOY: Well, not exactly. I got in my truck and I looked at the address of my next delivery. (THRILLED) And it's you! ...
LIZ: Me? Well, let's see what this one is.
SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED
LIZ: (PLEASED) Oh, my goodness! Lobster Thermidor and french fries and asparagus. Oh, isn't that just scrumptious?!
BOY: Yeah! (BEAT) Aren't you gonna kiss me? ...
LIZ: (NOT INTERESTED) Let me see the card. ...
SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER
LIZ: (READS) "I knew you'd be needing this, dear girl. Signed, Iris." (DELIGHTED) Oh, Iris is the best friend a girl ever had, isn't she?
BOY: (CHUCKLES) I'll say! (BEAT) Iris who? ...
LIZ: Never mind. Goodbye.
BOY: (ENCHANTED) Goodbye.
SOUND: DOOR SHUTS
LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, that Iris. I have to call her.
SOUND: RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR
LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, no. If that's who I think it is, I'm up to my snood in food! ...
SOUND: DOOR OPENS
LIZ: You again?
BOY: (EXCITED) Yeah, it's me, the horn of plenty! (CHUCKLES) ...
LIZ: Well, let's see what this one is.
SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED
LIZ: Oh, my! Would you look at that? (BIG GASP!) Isn't it beautiful?!
BOY: Yeah! What is it?
LIZ: It's pheasant under glass. Where's the card?
BOY: Here.
SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER
LIZ: (READS) "Iris told me you were having your troubles. Hope this little snack fills the bill. Mr. Atterbury." (DELIGHTED) Oh, isn't that sweet?
BOY: (HEARTILY, EXPECTING MORE KISSES) Yeah. ...
LIZ: Oh, everything's turned out all right after all. I'm so grateful to you for bringing all these things. I want to give you a little something.
BOY: (EXCITED) Oh, boy! ...
LIZ: (COOL) Unpucker, bud. Here's your tip. ...
BOY: Gee, a bowl of Yorkshire pudding! Goodbye.
LIZ: Goodbye.
SOUND: DOOR SHUTS ... PHONE RINGS, RECEIVER UP ... MOTHER'S VOICE ON FILTER
LIZ: (CHEERFUL) Hello!
MOTHER: Elizabeth? I just called to set your mind at ease, dear. Even after the way you treated me I've saved the day for you.
LIZ: You have?
MOTHER: (YES) Uh huh. I made a complete dinner for twelve and I'll bring it over.
LIZ: Well, that's very nice of you, Mother Cooper, but thanks just the same. Dinner's all ready and waiting in the kitchen.
MOTHER: (DOUBTFUL) Really, Elizabeth?
LIZ: (YES) Mm hm.
MOTHER: What are you having?
LIZ: Well, I had a little extra time today, so I'm giving my guests a choice of prime ribs, Lobster Thermidor, or pheasant under glass.
MOTHER: But I don't understand.
LIZ: Well, why don't you come over to dinner, too, mother? I have plenty of food.
MOTHER: Really?
LIZ: (BRISKLY) Yes, George will pick you up. Goodbye.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
LIZ: (HAPPY, TRIUMPHANT SINGING) La-dee-da! La-dee-da!
SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... GEORGE'S VOICE ON FILTER
LIZ: (CHEERFUL) Hello!
GEORGE: Hello, dear. How's everything going?
LIZ: Oh, fine, fine.
GEORGE: You, er, didn't knock yourself out cooking, did you?
LIZ: No, George. It was no effort at all. What time will you be here?
GEORGE: (SHEEPISH) Well, er, that's what I called to tell you about. ...
LIZ: (UNHAPPY) What - do - you - mean?
GEORGE: Well, honey, it's, er-- (CHUCKLES) It's the funniest thing. I - I just checked with my calendar and, er-- (CHUCKLES WEAKLY)
LIZ: Yessssssss?
GEORGE: The dinner isn't tonight; it's next week.
LIZ: (WILDLY) Oh, no!
MUSIC: CURTAIN
SOUND: APPLAUSE ...