Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Lux Radio Theater
Show: My Man Godfrey
Date: May 09 1938

CAST:

The Lux Team
ANNOUNCER, Melville Ruick
CECIL B. DeMILLE, your host
SINGER, of "Tipitin" parody
MADALYNNE FIELD, personal business manager
ERIC HATCH, author and screenwriter
MARY TOOMEY, satisfied customer
MRS. NORD, satisfied customer
SALLY CREIGHTON, Lux girl

At the Bullock's
GODFREY PARKE, forgotten man, butler, nightclub owner (WILLIAM POWELL)
IRENE BULLOCK, beautiful but dizzy society girl (CAROLE LOMBARD)
CORNELIA BULLOCK, her cruel sister (GAIL PATRICK)
ANGELICA BULLOCK, eccentric matriarch
CARLO, Mrs. Bullock's Russian "protégé"
ALEXANDER BULLOCK, Angelica's husband, a wealthy executive

The Others
GEORGE, Cornelia's loser boyfriend
GUTHRIE, of the scavenger hunt committee
WOMAN, at the Waldorf-Ritz
MOLLY, the maid
TOMMY GRAY, an old friend of Godfrey's
WAITER
DETECTIVE
MAYOR COURTLAND
VOICE 1 (2 lines)
VOICE 2 (1 line)
VOICE 3 (1 line)
SCAVENGER HUNT CROWD
PARTY GUESTS
HOTEL GUESTS

MFX:

FANFARE

ANNOUNCER:

From Hollywood, California, the Lux Radio Theatre presents William Powell and Carole Lombard in "My Man Godfrey," with Gail Patrick, Mischa Auer and David Niven.

MFX:

THEME ... CONTINUES IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

Lux presents Hollywood. First, a word of thanks to you, our loyal listeners. It's because of your continued purchases of our products, Lux Toilet Soap and Lux Flakes, that we're able to bring you these programs every Monday night. Twice in recent weeks, we have made a special announcement at the end of our performance. The response to this announcement has been so enthusiastic that we are making it again tonight. You will hear it at the end of this program. Listen for it carefully, please.

Our guests tonight include Miss Madalynne Fields, Carole Lombard's close friend and personal business manager and Mr. Eric Hatch, author of the novel and co-author of the picture script on which our play is based. Louis Silvers conducts our orchestra. We take this opportunity to express our gratitude to the Women's National Radio Committee, which, representing two million members of women's clubs the country over, has just voted the Lux Radio Theatre the best dramatic program on the air. And now, your host and producer, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille!

MFX:

THEME ... UP AND OUT

SFX:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. A few years ago, I selected two Mack Sennett Bathing Beauties for my first talking picture, "Dynamite." One of the girls was Madalynne Fields whom I thought had a future in pictures. The other was Jane Peters whom I discharged for lack of talent. Today, Miss Peters, one of the screen's cleverest actresses, is known as Carole Lombard, and Miss Fields is Carole's personal business manager, which sometimes prompts even my best friends to tell me that, eh, I'm not the world's greatest talent scout.

William Powell, who stars with Miss Lombard tonight, started his theatrical career as an usher in Kansas City for exactly nothing a week. He reached the stage because of a twenty-three page letter he wrote to an aunt in Pittsburgh. It must have beeen a remarkable letter because it obtained a seven hundred dollar loan which took young Mr. Powell to New York and dramatic school. Celebrated for his debonair drollery, a master of the lifted eyebrow, and the screen's number one Beau Brummel, we hear him shortly in his great screen characterization, the title role in "My Man Godfrey."

Miss Lombard, our first lady of lunacy, is active again as that moonstruck maiden, Irene Bullock. Three more celebrities round out our star-studded cast -- Miss Gail Patrick as Cornelia, Mischa Auer as Carlo, and David Niven as Tommy Gray. It's curtain time and the Lux Radio Theatre presents Carole Lombard and William Powell in "My Man Godfrey," with Gail Patrick, Mischa Auer and David Niven.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

MFX:

FOR AN INTRO ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]

DEMILLE:

It's a gorgeous night on New York's waterfront. Softly, the moonlight tips the majestic spires of the Queensborough Bridge with a silvery glow and comes gently to rest on a pile of refuse known as the City Dump. In the center of this wasteland, a small fire is burning and our man Godfrey, in tattered clothes, with a three day growth of beard, sits on a packing case warming his hands. A sixteen-cylinder motor purrs softly into the scene and comes to a stop. Three people alight. One of them, a young lady in evening clothes, steps gingerly toward the fire. [X]

SFX:

RIVERFRONT BACKGROUND ... DISTANT SHIP HORNS, ET CETERA

CORNELIA:

Good evening.

GODFREY:

Good evening.

CORNELIA:

How'd you like to make five dollars?

GODFREY:

(SURPRISED) How would I--? I didn't quite catch what you said.

CORNELIA:

I said, how would you like to make five dollars?

GODFREY:

Well, I don't want to seem inquisitive, but what would I have to do for it?

CORNELIA:

Oh, all you'd have to do is go to the Waldorf-Ritz Hotel with me, and I'll show you to a few people, and then I'll send you right back.

GODFREY:

May I inquire just why you would want to show me to the people at the Waldorf-Ritz?

CORNELIA:

Well, if you must know, it's a game. A scavenger hunt. If I find a forgotten man first, I win. Is that clear?

GODFREY:

Yes. Quite clear. Shall I wear my tails, or come just as I am?

CORNELIA:

Now, you needn't be fresh. Do you want the five dollars or don't you?

GODFREY:

Madam, I can't tell you how flattered I am by your very generous offer ...

CORNELIA:

What are you doing?! Get away from me!

GODFREY:

... however, I'm afraid I'll have to take it up with my board of directors.

CORNELIA:

Don't you push me!

GODFREY:

And no matter what my board of directors advise, I think you should be spanked.

CORNELIA:

Oh!

SFX:

THUD AND CLATTER AS CORNELIA IS PUSHED INTO THE TRASH

IRENE:

(OFF, OVERLAPS WITH ABOVE, HEARTY HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER AT CORNELIA'S FALL)

CORNELIA:

(STANDS UP) You knocked me down! You deliberately pushed me into that junk pile!

GODFREY:

No, I didn't. But it suited you nicely.

CORNELIA:

(CALLS) George! George!

GEORGE:

(FADES IN) I saw that. I saw what you did. Are you in the habit of hitting ladies?

GODFREY:

Maybe. I'm in the habit of hitting gentlemen also, if that would interest you.

GEORGE:

Don't you touch me!

CORNELIA:

George, aren't you going to do anything?

GEORGE:

(MOVING OFF) I certainly am. I'm going to get a policeman. Come along.

CORNELIA:

(MOVING OFF) George! Come back here, George!

GEORGE:

(OFF) Get in, dear. I'll show that--

SFX:

CAR DOOR SLAMS ... CAR DRIVES OFF

IRENE:

Oh. Hello.

GODFREY:

Hello?

IRENE:

(GIGGLES)

GODFREY:

Who are you?

IRENE:

I'm Irene. That was my sister Cornelia you pushed in the ash pile.

GODFREY:

How would you like to have me push Cornelia's sister into an ash pile?

IRENE:

Oh, I don't think I'd like it.

GODFREY:

Wait a minute. Are you a member of this hunting party?

IRENE:

I was, but I'm not now. (CHUCKLES) It's the funniest thing, I couldn't help but laugh. You know, I've wanted to do that ever since I was six years old.

GODFREY:

You wanted to do what?

IRENE:

Oh, push Cornelia in something. You know, a pile of ashes or something. (HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH) Cornelia thought she was going to win and you pushed her into a pile of ashes! (LAUGHS)

GODFREY:

Look, uh, do you think you could follow an intelligent conversation for just a moment?

IRENE:

Uh huh. I'll try.

GODFREY:

Well, that's fine. Do you mind telling me just what a scavenger hunt is?

IRENE:

Well, a scavenger hunt is exactly like a treasure hunt. Except that in a treasure hunt, you find something you want and in a scavenger hunt you try to find something that nobody wants. And the one that wins gets a prize, only there really isn't a prize, 'cause all the money goes to charity. That is, if there's any money left over, but then there never is.

GODFREY:

Well, that clears up the whole matter beautifully.

IRENE:

Oh, thank you. Well, I suppose I should be going, shouldn't I?

GODFREY:

That's a good idea.

IRENE:

I want to see who won the game. But I suppose it was Cornelia again. She's probably got another forgotten man by now.

GODFREY:

You mean, if you took me along with you, that you'd win the game? Is that the idea?

IRENE:

Well, I might if I got there first.

GODFREY:

Let's beat Cornelia.

IRENE:

It wouldn't be asking too much?

GODFREY:

Not at all. I'm very curious. I'd really like to see just what a scavenger hunt looks like.

IRENE:

Oh, but I just told you!

GODFREY:

Mm, yes. Yes, but I'm still curious.

MFX:

BRIDGE

BIZ:

CROWD BUZZES NOISILY ... SUBSIDES DURING FOLLOWING

GUTHRIE:

Ladies and gentlemen! Please, please, ladies and gentlemen! Quiet! Quiet, please! Your attention, please. Miss Bullock has the forgotten man.

BIZ:

CROWD REACTS WITH DELIGHT AND APPROVAL

GUTHRIE:

Here he is, here he is. Would you mind stepping up on the platform, please?

IRENE:

Yes, get right up on the platform, Godfrey.

WOMAN:

Ha ha! Doesn't he look funny? (LAUGHS)

BIZ:

SOME IN THE CROWD LAUGH, TOO

GUTHRIE:

Just, uh, stand over there. Uh, uh, between the monkey and the goat.

BIZ:

SOME IN THE CROWD FIND THIS AMUSING

WOMAN:

No wonder he's a forgotten man.

SFX:

GOAT AND MONKEY NOISES

GUTHRIE:

Now, uh, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

GODFREY:

Fire away.

GUTHRIE:

What is your address?

GODFREY:

City Dump Thirty-Two, East River, Sutton Place.

BIZ:

SOME IN THE CROWD LAUGH

GUTHRIE:

Quiet. Quiet, please, ladies and gentlemen. Is that your permanent address?

GODFREY:

Well, the permanency is rather questionable. You see, the place is being rapidly filled in.

GUTHRIE:

Do you mind? May I ask you a personal question?

GODFREY:

If it isn't too personal.

GUTHRIE:

Are those whiskers your own?

BIZ:

SOME IN THE CROWD LAUGH

GODFREY:

No one else has claimed them.

BIZ:

EVERYONE LAUGHS

GUTHRIE:

Thank you. Now, one more question. Are you wanted by the police?

GODFREY:

That's just the trouble. Nobody wants me.

BIZ:

CROWD REACTS WITH DELIGHT AND APPROVAL

GUTHRIE:

A very good answer.

IRENE:

Splendid, Godfrey.

GUTHRIE:

The committee is satisfied. Miss Irene Bullock wins the scavenger hunt for the forgotten man.

BIZ:

CROWD REACTS WITH CHEERS ("Oh, bravo!" "Speech! Speech!")

IRENE:

Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush! He's going to speak.

BIZ:

CROWD QUIETS

GODFREY:

(TO THE CROWD) My purpose in coming here tonight was twofold. First, I wanted to aid this young lady. Second, I was curious to see how a bunch empty-headed nitwits conducted themselves.

BIZ:

CROWD REACTS WITH SURPRISE, DISAPPROVAL

GODFREY:

My curiosity is satisfied. I assure you it will be a pleasure for me to go back to a society of really important people. Good night, you ladies and gentlemen.

BIZ:

CROWD MURMURS UNCOMFORTABLY ... FADES OUT BY [X]

IRENE:

Godfrey, wait! Oh, oh, Godfrey, I'm - I'm terribly sorry.

GODFREY:

Oh, ho ho, that's all right.

IRENE:

Oh, I'd've never brought you in there if I thought they were gonna humiliate you. [X] You know, I - I'm terribly grateful. It's the first time I've ever beaten Cornelia at anything, and you helped me do it. Oh, I wish I could do something for you.

GODFREY:

Why?

IRENE:

Because you've done something for me! Don't you see?

GODFREY:

Well, I could use a job, if you've got one lying around loose.

IRENE:

Can you buttle?

GODFREY:

Buttle?

IRENE:

Yes. We're fresh out of butlers. The one we had left this morning.

GODFREY:

(CHUCKLES) I'm afraid I wouldn't be much good at that.

IRENE:

Oh, yes, you would. You're gonna make the best butler we ever had.

GODFREY:

You really think so?

IRENE:

Oh, I do.

GODFREY:

Well. All right. Thank you.

IRENE:

Good night, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Good night, Miss Bullock.

IRENE:

(CHUCKLES) Good night.

MFX:

BRIEF BRIDGE

SFX:

DOOR BELL RINGS ... DOOR OPENS

MOLLY:

Well?

GODFREY:

I beg your pardon. I'm the, uh--

MOLLY:

Yes, you're the new butler. Well, I'm the old maid. Come in.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

GODFREY:

Oh, thank you. How did you know I was the new butler?

MOLLY:

Oh, there's one every morning at this hour. They're droppin' in and out all the time.

GODFREY:

Is the family that exacting?

MOLLY:

No. They're that nutty!

GODFREY:

I see. Does the butler have quarters here in the house, or isn't it necessary?

MOLLY:

You won't need any quarters. Just hang your hat near the door so you can get it quickly on your way out.

SFX:

BUZZER

GODFREY:

What's that?

MOLLY:

That's the old battle axe. She usually rings about this time.

GODFREY:

The old battle axe?

MOLLY:

Yeah. Mrs. Bullock. She's the mother type. If she has the jitters, and she usually does, she'll ring again in a minute in no uncertain terms. Then, brother, you better grab her tomato juice and get going.

SFX:

BUZZER TWICE

MOLLY:

Well, there she goes.

SFX:

BUZZER TWICE

MOLLY:

Well, Cupid, this is your big opportunity.

GODFREY:

Er, shall I take it to her?

MOLLY:

Yeah, but you, um-- You might as well know the worst. But I want to warn you, she, um, sees pixies.

GODFREY:

Pixies?

MOLLY:

Uh huh. You know, the little men.

GODFREY:

Oh, those.

MOLLY:

Uh huh.

GODFREY:

Yes. Where do I find her?

MOLLY:

Upstairs. She's in the first cage on the right.

GODFREY:

Well, wish me luck.

MOLLY:

(FADES) Happy landings.

SFX:

TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... GODFREY'S FOOTSTEPS ... KNOCK ON DOOR

ANGELICA:

Who is it?

SFX:

DOOR OPENS

GODFREY:

Good morning, Mrs. Bullock.

ANGELICA:

Good morning. What day is it, Molly?

GODFREY:

Er, I'm not Molly.

ANGELICA:

Who isn't Molly?

GODFREY:

I'm not.

ANGELICA:

Well, stop jumping up and down so I can see who you are.

GODFREY:

I'm not jumping.

ANGELICA:

That's better. What's your name?

GODFREY:

Godfrey.

ANGELICA:

Are you someone I know?

GODFREY:

We met last night at the Waldorf-Ritz. I'm the forgotten man.

ANGELICA:

Oh, so many people have such bad memories.

GODFREY:

That's the truth. Will you drink this now?

ANGELICA:

What's that?

SFX:

CLINK OF GLASSES

GODFREY:

Pixie remover.

ANGELICA:

Ooh! Then you see them, too.

GODFREY:

Yes. We're old friends.

ANGELICA:

Yes! But you mustn't step on them. I don't like them, but I don't like to see them stepped on.

GODFREY:

I'll be very careful. I wouldn't hurt them for the world.

ANGELICA:

Thank you. You're a great help. (TO PIXIES) Go 'way! Go away, little men. Go 'way! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! (TO GODFREY) Oh, there they go. Oh, you're very comforting, Godfrey. (RELIEVED SIGH) Oh, good night.

GODFREY:

Good nigh-- Er, good night.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

GODFREY:

(WHISTLES IN AMAZEMENT)

MOLLY:

Hello. I put your hat and valise at the foot of the stairs.

GODFREY:

Well, I think I won the first round.

MOLLY:

You mean you're still working here?

GODFREY:

I haven't heard anything to the contrary.

MOLLY:

Well, you just got by the cub. Now try the lioness.

GODFREY:

Oh. Which is she?

MOLLY:

Her name's Cornelia. She's a sweet-tempered little number.

GODFREY:

Oh, yes. I met her last night.

MOLLY:

Mm hm.

GODFREY:

Er, let me have her tray.

MOLLY:

Second door.

GODFREY:

Thanks.

SFX:

KNOCKS ON DOOR ... DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

CORNELIA:

Who is that?!

GODFREY:

Er, good morning, Miss--

CORNELIA:

What do you mean by barging into my room, you?!

GODFREY:

But I--

CORNELIA:

Get out! Get out, you!

SFX:

THUMP! THUMP! AS CORNELIA THROWS THINGS AT GODFREY

GODFREY:

Wait, wait-- You don't--

CORNELIA:

Get out! Get out, I said! And don't come back!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES ... THUMPING ENDS

GODFREY:

(WHISTLES IN AMAZEMENT)

MOLLY:

Hello.

GODFREY:

Hello. I'm afraid I lost the second round.

IRENE:

(OFF) Hey, Molly, cut out all the noise and bring me some breakfast!

MOLLY:

Opportunity never stops knocking in this house. That's Irene. You want to try again?

GODFREY:

Here goes.

MOLLY:

Lots of luck.

SFX:

KNOCKS GENTLY ON DOOR ... DOOR OPENS

GODFREY:

Good morning. I brought you breakfast.

IRENE:

Oh.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

IRENE:

Are - are you the new butler?

GODFREY:

Don't you remember? Last night?

IRENE:

Well--? Well, what happened to Godfrey?

GODFREY:

I'm Godfrey.

IRENE:

Oh, you look so different. What happened to those nice whiskers? (LAUGHS) Turn around, let me look at you. Aw! Oh, you're the cutest thing I've ever seen.

GODFREY:

Thank you. Will there be anything else?

IRENE:

Yes, yes. Sit down and talk. You know, I like to talk in the morning when your head is clear. Especially when you've been somewhere the night before. Sit down.

GODFREY:

Well, if you insist, but - it doesn't seem very good form for a butler.

IRENE:

Oh, you're more than a butler. You're the first protégé I ever had.

GODFREY:

Protégé?

IRENE:

You know. Like Carlo.

GODFREY:

Who is Carlo?

IRENE:

He's mother's protégé!

GODFREY:

Oh.

IRENE:

You know, it's awfully nice Carlo having a sponsor, because then he doesn't have to work and he gets more time for his practicing. But then he never does, and that makes a difference.

GODFREY:

Er, yes. Yes, I imagine it would.

IRENE:

(SIGHS) Oh, it makes me feel so mature and grown up.

GODFREY:

Er, what does?

IRENE:

Having a protégé. You're the first one I ever had. Terribly thrilling. Not only does it occupy my mind but I think it's character-building too.

GODFREY:

Oh, er-- Just what does a protégé have to do?

IRENE:

Oh, you just go on buttling, and I sponsor you. Don't you see?

GODFREY:

Uh, it's, uh, getting clearer.

IRENE:

Well, it's really not much work, but it gives you something to think of. And it's gonna be such fun!

GODFREY:

Oh, I'm sure it's going to be heaps of fun. But, you see, a protégé has certain responsibilities also. For instance, if someone should ring for me now and I didn't answer, that would reflect upon you because you're my sponsor. Don't you see?

IRENE:

Yes, yes, I suppose it would. I never thought of that. Well, you don't know how nice it is having some intelligent person to talk to.

GODFREY:

Yes, it's been very enlightening to me, too. ...

IRENE:

(CHUCKLES) Oh, I just thought of something else. Do you know what you are?

GODFREY:

I'm not quite sure.

IRENE:

You're my responsibility!

GODFREY:

That's very nice.

IRENE:

Well, see you in church.

GODFREY:

Yes, yes. See you in church.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

Goodbye, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Goodbye, miss.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

GODFREY:

(WHISTLES IN AMAZEMENT)

MFX:

BRIDGE

CORNELIA:

Oh, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Yes, Miss Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

I see you're still with us, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Yes, miss.

CORNELIA:

I didn't think you'd last a full day.

GODFREY:

Thank you, miss.

CORNELIA:

Do you like your place here? I mean, so far as you've gone?

GODFREY:

I must admit it's more desirable than living in a packing case on a city dump.

CORNELIA:

Ohhh, that's where I met you. Yes, I remember now. You were very amusing.

GODFREY:

I'm very sorry, miss.

CORNELIA:

Oh, I didn't mind at all. Have you a handkerchief? There's a spot on my shoe. Will you see what you can do about it?

GODFREY:

(BEAT, COOLLY) Of course, miss.

CORNELIA:

I could have you fired, you know, but I like to see things wriggle. When I get through with you, you'll go back to your packing case on the city dump and relish it. I'll make your life so miserable--

IRENE:

Hello, Godfrey!

GODFREY:

Good evening, Miss Irene.

IRENE:

Ohhhhh! I like your new monkey suit.

GODFREY:

Thank you for picking it out.

IRENE:

Oh, how do you like my new lounging pajamas?

GODFREY:

I think they're very nice. (MOVING OFF) Thank you.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

IRENE:

I heard what you said to Godfrey.

CORNELIA:

So what?

IRENE:

So what! You leave him alone!

CORNELIA:

So who's going to make me leave him alone?

IRENE:

If you don't, you'll get a good sock from me.

CORNELIA:

Oh, the physical type.

IRENE:

What I say goes!

CARLO:

(FADES IN) May I come in?

CORNELIA:

(WITH CONTEMPT) You're in, aren't you?

CARLO:

Good evening, Irene.

IRENE:

Hello, Carlo.

CARLO:

I've just been reading a very interesting book, "The Greeks of the Middle Ages."

CORNELIA:

Irene would like that. You love the Middle Ages, don't you, dear?

IRENE:

Shut up!

ANGELICA:

Well, here we are!

CARLO:

Ah, Mrs. Bullock. Kak vy pozhivaete? [Russian for "How do you do?" Pronounced: Kahk-vih puh-zhih-vah-ee-tee]

ANGELICA:

(GUSHES) Oh, Carlo! You're so continental! Oh, it's so nice to see you two girls having a pleasant chat. Or is it a pleasant chat?

BULLOCK:

Well, well, well! Imagine the Bullocks gathered together all in one room.

ANGELICA:

Don't forget Carlo, Alexander.

BULLOCK:

Oh, I'm not going to forget Carlo.

CARLO:

Oh, don't bother about me, Mr. Bullock. I feel one of the family.

BULLOCK:

Then you don't mind if I discuss a few family matters, do you, Carlo, my boy?

CARLO:

Oh, no, no, not at all.

ANGELICA:

Oh, Alexander, you're not going to bring up those sordid business matters again, I hope?

BULLOCK:

I've just been going over last month's bills, and I find that you people have confused me with the Treasury Department.

CORNELIA:

Oh, don't start that again, dad.

BULLOCK:

I've got to start it. The way you people are throwing my money around --

CARLO:

Money, money, money! That Frankenstein monster that destroys souls.

BULLOCK:

What?! Say, listen--

ANGELICA:

Please don't say anything more about it! You're upsetting Carlo!

BULLOCK:

Oh, Carlo, Carlo, Carlo! Who's the head of this house, Carlo or me?

ANGELICA:

Shh! Here's Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Your cocktail, sir.

BULLOCK:

Eh? Oh, thank you, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Not at all, sir. Miss Irene?

IRENE:

Oh, did you make them, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

I helped.

IRENE:

Oh, they must be wonderful. I'd like to help some time if you'll let me.

GODFREY:

I'd feel honored.

CORNELIA:

While we're on the subject, how about this business of certain people picking up anybody they find on the city dump and dragging them into the house? For all we know we might all be stabbed in the back some night and robbed.

ANGELICA:

Who's going to stab who, Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

We don't know a thing about certain people.

IRENE:

You shut up!

CORNELIA:

I will not shut up! My life's precious to me--!

IRENE:

Well, it won't be in a minute!

CORNELIA:

I think we should get our help from employment agencies.

BULLOCK:

Well, I don't know but what I agree with Cornelia.

IRENE:

Why, you--! (SOBS) Ohhhhh! (CRIES AND WAILS, CONTINUES IN BG)

ANGELICA:

Alexander! You've upset Carlo and now you're upsetting Irene. Don't you remember her breakdown last summer?

CORNELIA:

I do. That's why I'm not paying any attention to this.

IRENE:

Well, if Mother can sponsor Carlo, why can't I sponsor Godfrey?! (CONTINUES CRYING IN BG)

CORNELIA:

Oh, Godfrey knows I'm not being personal but, after all, none of us would like to wake up some morning stabbed to death.

ANGELICA:

Now, Cornelia, you mustn't come between Irene and Godfrey. He's the only thing she's shown any affection for since her Pomeranian died last summer. Now, Irene, you mustn't have a spell.

BULLOCK:

What is all this nonsense?

ANGELICA:

Oh, please be quiet. You never did understand women. Why don't you get the doctor?

IRENE:

I don't want a doctor!

ANGELICA:

Do you want an ice bag?

IRENE:

No, I don't want an ice bag. I want to die!

ANGELICA:

Oh, you mustn't do that! Um, er, Carlo? Do the gorilla for Irene. It always amuses her.

CARLO:

(MOUTH FULL) I'm not in the mood.

ANGELICA:

Well, stop eating those hors d'oeuvres and get in the mood!

CARLO:

All right, I'll do it, but my heart won't be in it.

ANGELICA:

Irene, be a good girl. Look, darling. Carlo's going to imitate a gorilla for you.

BULLOCK:

A gorilla? I'd rather see him imitate a man!

ANGELICA:

Alexander!

CARLO:

This is too much! Too much!

BULLOCK:

It certainly is. I'm getting out of this madhouse. (MOVING OFF) I'll be at the club if you want me and I hope you don't!

CORNELIA:

Well, I'm off for dinner. (MOVING OFF) We must all get together again sometime. Goodbye, Irene!

IRENE:

(STOPS CRYING WHEN CORNELIA EXITS)

ANGELICA:

Irene? Are you feeling all right? Irene?

IRENE:

(DAZED) Where's Godfrey?

ANGELICA:

He's right here. Don't go away, Godfrey.

CARLO:

Angelica, we'll be late for the concert.

ANGELICA:

I've got my things; I'll be right with you. (TO IRENE) Godfrey's right here, darling.

IRENE:

(STILL DAZED) Where?

ANGELICA:

Right here. Look, look. See, darling? Godfrey, say hello to Irene so she'll know who you are.

GODFREY:

Hello?

IRENE:

Oh. Oh, hello, Godfrey.

ANGELICA:

And he's promised to stay on, haven't you, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

If I'm wanted.

ANGELICA:

Ooh! Of course you're wanted. Isn't he, Irene?

IRENE:

Yes. (ABRUPT) Go 'way!

ANGELICA:

Yes, darling, I'm going. Goodbye, darling! (MOVING OFF) Come along, Carlo. Hurry!

CARLO:

(MOVING OFF) Hurry, hurry, hurry. Always hurry.

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Yes, miss?

IRENE:

Heh. Sit down, Godfrey. No, no, no! Over here by me.

GODFREY:

Oh, er, yes. Thank you, miss.

IRENE:

Godfrey, would you mind kissing me?

GODFREY:

Eh, eh-- Miss Irene, I hardly think--

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey!

GODFREY:

Here, here, here now, wait! Please! Please, Miss I-- (MUFFLED, TRIES TO TALK WHILE BEING KISSED) Miss Irene, you mustn't!

SFX:

SMACK OF LIPS AS SHE STOPS KISSING HIM

IRENE:

(EXULTANT) Ohh! There!

GODFREY:

(MOVING OFF) Excuse me.

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey, come back here. Where are you going?

SFX:

GODFREY'S HURRIED FOOTSTEPS AWAY

GODFREY:

I'm going to my room.

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey, wait for me! Godfrey! (MOVING OFF) Godfrey! Godfrey! (FADES BACK IN AGAIN) Godfrey, open this door!

SFX:

BANGING ON DOOR

IRENE:

Godfrey!

SFX:

DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

(RELIEVED SIGH) There you are, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Please, Miss Irene, you - you - you can't come in here.

IRENE:

Why not? It's our house, isn't it? And, after all, one room is just like any other room. Besides, I want to talk.

GODFREY:

I'm terribly sorry but we - we can't talk here.

IRENE:

Now, don't you think it's rather indecent of you to order me out after you kissed me?

GODFREY:

After I kissed you?

IRENE:

Of course, Godfrey! Don't you remember?

GODFREY:

Miss Irene, hasn't anyone ever told you about certain proprieties?

IRENE:

Oh, you use such lovely, big words. I like big words. What does it mean?

GODFREY:

Well, you want me to remain on here as butler, don't you?

IRENE:

Oh, of course.

GODFREY:

And I want to justify your faith in me by being a very good butler. And in time, perhaps, er, filling the void created by the death of your late, lamented Pomeranian.

IRENE:

Oh, I've forgotten all about him. He had fleas, anyway. Besides, you're different. You use big words and you're much cuter.

GODFREY:

(CHUCKLES) Uh, may I tell you a story?

IRENE:

I'd love it.

GODFREY:

Well, once there was a very sentimental little girl with a very kind heart. And she helped a man who was very grateful. But then she became a nuisance and undid all the fine work she had done.

IRENE:

Oh, is it someone you know?

GODFREY:

Her name is Irene Bullock. And if she were a smart little girl, she'd pick out some nice young chap in her own social set and marry him and live happily ever after. And never, never, never enter the butler's room again.

IRENE:

You mean I can never, never, never come in here again?

GODFREY:

Never. Now, out you go.

IRENE:

(STARTS TO CRY) Oh, Godfrey, stop!

GODFREY:

This way, please.

IRENE:

No, I want to stay! Let me go!

GODFREY:

Outside, please.

IRENE:

Well, you'll be sorry!

GODFREY:

And don't ever come in here again.

SFX:

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

IRENE:

Well, you'll be sorry! (WAILS LOUDLY)

MFX:

TO A FINISH

SFX:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

So ends Act One of "My Man Godfrey." In a moment, our stars will be back for Act Two. Meantime, in our brief intermission, we present a song, one of America's greatest hit tunes, "Tipitin," adapted, by permission, to our Lux story. Let's suppose that Rosita in "Tipitin" has suffered the embarassment of a stocking run at the very moment she wishes to look her best. In our Lux version, we offer her a helpful suggestion.

SINGER:

(SINGS, TO PIANO ACCOMPANIMENT)
One night the moon was so mellow,
Rosita met young Manuelo.
He begged for a kiss and heard a hiss
From the young miss, this fellow.

He said, "Why, what is so shocking?"
She hid the run in her stocking.
The date was "no go." She suffered so.
She had not Luxed her stocking.

Dip it, dip it in, dip it in.
Dip it, dip it in, dip it in.

Avoid the cake soap rubbing.
Stockings take a drubbing.
You're not satisfied!

Dip it, dip it in, dip it in.
Dip it, dip it in, dip it in.

Lux keeps stockings stronger
So they last you longer.
Fewer runs to hide!

ANNOUNCER:

Yes, Lux Flakes do cut down on embarrassing stocking runs because they save stocking elasticity. Think how much your sheer stocking stretches every time you bend your knee. If it isn't elastic, it breaks -- a run pops. So you can see the importance of preserving elasticity with Lux Flakes. Soaps with harmful alkali, and cake soap rubbing, weaken elasticity. To get longer wear from your stockings, always wash them with Lux. And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, a special announcement none of you will want to miss will come at the end of our performance tonight. Listen for it. And now, Mr. DeMille.

DEMILLE:

Once again, "My Man Godfrey," starring William Powell and Carole Lombard with Gail Patrick, Mischa Auer and David Niven.

MFX:

FOR AN INTRO ... "MANHATTAN SERENADE" ... THEN IN BG

DEMILLE:

Two days have passed during which Irene has shown an all too evident affection for her man Godfrey. In the Bullock living room, a cocktail party is in progress. Irene dressed in mourning, watches with tragic eyes as Godfrey moves among the guests.

MFX:

CHANGES TO PIANO

BIZ:

PARTY GUESTS CHATTER IN BG

ANGELICA:

Now, let me see -- what did I bid? Spades? I never can tell the difference between spades and trumps.

GODFREY:

Some hors d'oeuvres, Mrs. Bullock?

ANGELICA:

Oh, yes, thank you, Godfrey.

TOMMY:

Hello. Everybody.

ANGELICA:

Oh, look, it's Tommy Gray, the polo player! Tommy, come over here! Irene, Cornelia. Look who's here, look who's here, dear.

TOMMY:

How are you, Angelica?

ANGELICA:

Oh, I'm fine. Godfrey, where are you going? Don't go 'way.

GODFREY:

Sorry.

ANGELICA:

Give Mr. Gray some hors d'oeuvres, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Very good, ma'am. Mr. Gray?

TOMMY:

Thank you. I-- Well! If it isn't Godfrey Parke!

GODFREY:

Er, Smith, sir. Godfrey Smith.

TOMMY:

Smith? (LAUGHS) What do you mean Smith?

ANGELICA:

Do you know Godfrey, Tommy?

TOMMY:

Know him? We went to Harvard together.

CORNELIA:

Oh, imagine. A butler with a college education.

TOMMY:

A butler? (CHUCKLES) Is this a gag?

GODFREY:

Eh, Mr. Gray neglected to tell you that when we were in Harvard together, I was his, er, valet.

CORNELIA:

Was he a good servant, Tommy?

TOMMY:

(PLAYS ALONG) Oh, excellent. (WHISPERS, TO GODFREY) What is all this, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

(WHISPERS) I'll tell you later.

CORNELIA:

Strange you never gave Mr. Gray as a reference, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Well, eh, you see, eh, I left Mr. Gray under very unusual circumstances.

ANGELICA:

What circumstances?

GODFREY:

I'd rather Mr. Gray told you about that.

ANGELICA:

Yes! Go ahead, Tommy. Tell us. Tell us.

TOMMY:

Eh, oh. Well, you see, Godfrey was working for us as a butler, and so forth, and things were going along very well, but one day-- Eh-- You're sure you don't want to tell this, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Oh, I'd so much rather you would, Mr. Gray.

TOMMY:

Oh. Well. Well, Godfrey was working for us for quite some time and one day he came to me and said, "Mr. Gray," heh, he said, "I - I trust my work has been satisfactory." And - and I said, uh, "Why, of course," I - I said, "I - I've never had more satisfactory work in all my life." And he said, uh, "Thank you, sir." He was always very courteous, Godfrey was.

CORNELIA:

And then he left?

TOMMY:

Yeah, he-- What? Yes! That's it! He decided he had to leave.

CORNELIA:

Why?

TOMMY:

Well, he decided in favor of his wife and five children.

CORNELIA:

Five children?!

IRENE:

Godfrey, why didn't tell me you had five children?!

GODFREY:

You never asked, Miss Irene.

IRENE:

Well, all I've got to say is if other people can have five children, so can other people! (TO ALL) Listen, everybody, I want to make an announcement about something! I-- I--

VOICE 1:

An announcement?

IRENE:

I want to announce my engagement!

BIZ:

GUESTS REACT WITH SURPRISE, DELIGHT

VOICE 2:

Congratulations! Who's the lucky man, Irene?

VOICE 3:

Not Johnny Van Rumple?

IRENE:

Yes, yes, that's who it is. Johnny Van Rumple.

VOICE 1:

Johnny Van Rumple?

BIZ:

GUESTS MURMUR IN BG, FADES BY END OF SCENE

TOMMY:

(QUIETLY) Godfrey, what is all this?

GODFREY:

(QUIETLY) Meet me tomorrow. Waldorf-Ritz bar. Three o'clock. I'll explain everything.

CORNELIA:

Isn't this engagement a little sudden, Irene?

IRENE:

You shut up!

CORNELIA:

Why don't you wish her luck, Godfrey?

ANGELICA:

Yes, come and congratulate Irene, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Why, certainly. May I congratulate you, Miss Irene? I wish you all the happiness in the world.

IRENE:

(TEARFUL) You wish--? You--? Oooh! (STARTS TO CRY)

ANGELICA:

Irene? Irene! (GIGGLES) Now, isn't that funny? Crying at her own engagement party. Sometimes I don't think my daughters are all there! ...

MFX:

BRIDGE ... CHANGES TO HOTEL PIANO ("MANHATTAN SERENADE") ... CONTINUES IN BG, OUT AT [Y]

BIZ:

HOTEL GUESTS MURMUR IN BG ... FADES OUT BY [X]

TOMMY:

Godfrey?! Over here.

GODFREY:

Oh. Hello, Tommy.

TOMMY:

I thought you said you'd meet me here at three.

GODFREY:

Sorry. It took me a little longer than usual to make the beds.

TOMMY:

Oh. Well, heh-heh. What are you drinking?

GODFREY:

I'll have a rousing lemonade.

TOMMY:

You sure you can handle it? (TO WAITER) One lemonade, one stinger, Joe.

WAITER:

Yes, sir.

TOMMY:

Well, let's have it.

GODFREY:

What? [X]

TOMMY:

The story. Well, when I wander into a Fifth Avenue asylum and see one of the Parkes of Boston serving hors d'oeuvres, there must be a story.

GODFREY:

Yes, there is. Tommy, do you remember that little incident up in Boston?

TOMMY:

Oh, you still have that woman on your mind?

GODFREY:

No, not any more. But I was pretty bitter at the time. So I gave her everything I had and -- just disappeared.

TOMMY:

And?

GODFREY:

Well, Tommy, it's surprising how fast you can go downhill when you begin to feel sorry for yourself. And, boy, did I feel sorry for myself. I wandered down to the East River one night thinking I'd just slide in and get it over with. But I met some fellows living there on the city dump. Fellows who were fighting it out and not complaining. I never got as far as the river.

TOMMY:

What happened?

GODFREY:

I did all sorts of things -- just to live. Then-- Well, then something happened. I got a chance to take this job. Buttling. A chance to rehabilitate myself. I took it.

TOMMY:

And that's all?

GODFREY:

That's all. But, some day, Tommy, I'm going to do a little rehabilitating around that dump. And that's why I'm glad I met you.

TOMMY:

Me?

GODFREY:

You're going to help, too.

WAITER:

Excuse me, Mr. Gray.

TOMMY:

Yes?

WAITER:

You're wanted on the phone, sir.

TOMMY:

Oh. (MOVING OFF) I'll be right back, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Right-o.

CORNELIA:

(FADES IN) Good afternoon, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

(UNHAPPY) Oh. Good afternoon, Miss Cornelia.

CORNELIA:

May I sit down? Well, the mystery's solved, isn't it?

GODFREY:

The mystery, Miss Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

Yes. Now I know what a butler does on his day off. [Y] When you worked for Mr. Gray, were the two of you always this chummy?

GODFREY:

Eh, you see, I worked for Mr. Gray a long time and, uh, we got to be--

CORNELIA:

I see. I see. Well, if you can be so chummy with the Grays, why can't you be chummy with the Bullocks?

GODFREY:

I try to keep my place.

CORNELIA:

Why? You're very attractive, you know.

GODFREY:

As a butler?

CORNELIA:

No, as a Smith. You're a rotten butler.

GODFREY:

Sorry.

CORNELIA:

Are we going to be friends?

GODFREY:

I feel that on my day off I should have the privilege of choosing my friends.

CORNELIA:

You can't go on like this forever. You really like me and you're afraid to admit it, aren't you?

GODFREY:

Do you want me to tell you what I really think of you?

CORNELIA:

Please do.

GODFREY:

You won't hold it against me?

CORNELIA:

It's your day off.

GODFREY:

Very well. Miss Cornelia, you belong to that unfortunate category I would call the Park Avenue brat. A spoiled child who's grown up in ease and luxury, who always had her own way, and whose misdirected energies are so childish that they hardly deserve the comment even of a butler on his off Thursday.

CORNELIA:

(ICY) Thank you for a very lovely portrait. Goodbye for now. (MOVING OFF) I'll see you down by the ash pile.

GODFREY:

Waiter?

WAITER:

Yes, sir?

GODFREY:

Change that order. Make it two stingers. Double.

MFX:

BRIDGE

IRENE:

Molly?

MOLLY:

Yes, Miss Irene?

IRENE:

What are you doing?

MOLLY:

Sewing. Some buttons on a coat.

IRENE:

(IN AWE) Oh! Is it his coat?

MOLLY:

(SOLEMNLY) Yes. The coat is his.

IRENE:

Oh, I'd like to sew on buttons sometime when they come off. I wouldn't mind at all. I could do it right down here in the kitchen.

MOLLY:

He - doesn't lose very many.

IRENE:

He's very tidy, isn't he?

MOLLY:

Yes. He - he's very tidy.

IRENE:

(SIGHS) What does he do on his day off?

MOLLY:

(SUPPRESSES A SOB) He never tells me.

IRENE:

Oh, he's - he's probably sitting somewhere with some woman on his lap.

MOLLY:

(STARTS TO CRY) Yes!

IRENE:

(STARTS TO CRY) He's the meanest man I know!

MOLLY:

I think he's very mean.

IRENE:

I suppose he's sitting somewhere with somebody on his lap that doesn't care for him at all.

MOLLY:

Yes, probably.

IRENE:

As far as I know, maybe his children are there, too, calling him. Oh, I can't bear it!

MOLLY:

Oh, please don't!

IRENE:

You, too?!

MOLLY:

Yes!

IRENE:

Oh, Molly, I know exactly how you feel!

BIZ:

BOTH WOMEN SOB UNCONTROLLABLY

SFX:

DOOR OPENS ... GODFREY'S UNSTEADY FOOTSTEPS

GODFREY:

(DRUNKEN, SLURRED SPEECH) Good evening!

BIZ:

SURPRISED, BOTH WOMEN STOP SOBBING

IRENE:

Godfrey!

GODFREY:

How about a -- hic! -- quartet? (SINGS, TERRIBLY) "For tomorrow may bring sorrow, So tonight let us be gaaaaay!" ... Hiya, toots.

IRENE:

Godfrey, look at you. Where have you been?

GODFREY:

With a friend of mine, drinking rousing -- hic! -- lemonade.

MOLLY:

Oh, dear.

IRENE:

(SOBBING AGAIN)

CORNELIA:

(CALLS, OFF) Father! Mother! Irene! Everybody, come here quick!

MOLLY:

What's the matter, Miss Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

(CALLS) Father! Mother!

BULLOCK:

Here, what's the matter? What's going on around here now?

CORNELIA:

Father, my pearls!

BULLOCK:

What about your pearls?

CORNELIA:

They've been stolen.

ANGELICA:

Stolen?!

GODFREY:

Aw, that's terrible. What'll we do?

BULLOCK:

Well, we'll call the police, that's what we'll do.

GODFREY:

That's the idea -- call th' police. G-men!

BULLOCK:

Give me the phone.

CORNELIA:

You don't have to bother. I've already called them. And I think I know who did it. In fact, I'm almost sure. (POINTED) What do you say, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Hiya, toots.

MFX:

BRIDGE

BIZ:

BULLOCK FAMILY CHATTERS NOISILY ... GODFREY SINGS DRUNKENLY, IN BG

DETECTIVE:

One at a time! Wait a minute, wait a minute! One at a time! Wait a minute! Quiet! QUIET!

BIZ:

ALL QUIET ABRUPTLY

DETECTIVE:

Now, when did you miss the pearls, Miss Bullock?

CORNELIA:

This afternoon when I came home. I had put them in my jewel case this morning after breakfast.

IRENE:

She probably lost them. Last year, she left them in a taxi.

DETECTIVE:

Did anyone see ya put the pearls in the case?

CORNELIA:

No. Oh-- Oh, yes! Yes. Godfrey did. He was taking the tray out of my room. He saw me.

DETECTIVE:

Godfrey, eh? Well, who's Godfrey?

GODFREY:

That's me. I. Me!

DETECTIVE:

Butler?

IRENE:

Yes, he's the best butler we ever had.

CORNELIA:

Oh, I'm sure Godfrey didn't do it. Although we don't know very much about him. My sister picked him up on the city dump.

DETECTIVE:

(AS IF THAT EXPLAINED EVERYTHING) Oh, I see.

IRENE:

Are you accusing Godfrey?!

CORNELIA:

I'm not accusing anyone. I want my necklace.

ANGELICA:

Oh, it's silly to think of Godfrey wearing a pearl necklace. ...

DETECTIVE:

Oh, yeah? Do you mind if we search your quarters, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Not at all. This way, everybody.

BIZ:

BULLOCK FAMILY MOVES OFF CHATTERING NOISILY ... THEN FADES BACK IN WITH GODFREY SINGING DRUNKENLY, IN BG

DETECTIVE:

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, will ya?! How can I find the pearls with everybody yelling?!

BIZ:

ALL QUIET ABRUPTLY

DETECTIVE:

I can't find them anyhow.

GODFREY:

(SINGS) "Oh, where, oh where has my little dog gone?"

DETECTIVE:

Oh, shut up, you! Miss Bullock, are you sure you lost your pearls?

CORNELIA:

Of course, I'm sure.

DETECTIVE:

Well, they're not in this room.

CORNELIA:

Look under the mattress.

DETECTIVE:

What?

CORNELIA:

I said, look under the mattress.

GODFREY:

Yes, that's a good place.

DETECTIVE:

Okay.

SFX:

MATTRESS LIFTED FOR A MOMENT ... THEN DROPPED

DETECTIVE:

Nope, they're not under here either.

CORNELIA:

Oh, but they must be there. I--

DETECTIVE:

What?

CORNELIA:

Oh, nothing.

IRENE:

(SUSPICIOUS) What made you so sure they'd be under the mattress, Cornelia?

DETECTIVE:

Yeah. What made you do sure?

IRENE:

Yeah. What?

CORNELIA:

Well - well, I just assumed-- Well, that - that's where people usually hide things, isn't it? I--

IRENE:

What are you up to?

DETECTIVE:

There's something screwy around here.

BULLOCK:

Yes, and I think I know who.

IRENE:

Yes. And so do I. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

BULLOCK:

Officer, this whole thing looks like a mistake. Now, if you'll just forget it, I'd be very much obliged. My daughter is, er, well, uh, she's a little, uh, you know.

DETECTIVE:

Yeah. Yeah, I know. Only it ain't such a little!

MFX:

BRIEF BRIDGE ... CONTINUES IN BG FOR A "MONTAGE" SEQUENCE

GODFREY:

Your coffee, sir.

BULLOCK:

Listen to this, Godfrey. (READS) "Mrs. Bullock and her two daughters sailed yesterday for a holiday cruise around the world. It is rumored that the younger daughter, Irene, is trying to forget a broken engagement plus another heart-throb which is the real reason for the trip." (CHUCKLES) Well what do you think of that?

GODFREY:

It is a little quieter, sir.

MFX:

BRIEF BRIDGE, CONTINUES IN BG

BULLOCK:

(READS) "The socialite Mrs. Bullock and her two charming daughters relaxing on the beach at Deauville." (TO GODFREY) They should relax! This is the first good rest I've had in twenty years.

MFX:

BRIEF BRIDGE, CONTINUES IN BG

BULLOCK:

(READS) "Expected home next week." Godfrey, they're coming home!

GODFREY:

Yes, sir. Your breakfast, sir.

BULLOCK:

Never mind the breakfast. Just bring me a cup o' coffee and four aspirins.

MFX:

"MONTAGE" OVER ... AND OUT

SFX:

WATER SLOSHES AND DISHES CLINK, IN KITCHEN SINK ... CONTINUES IN BG ... KITCHEN DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Hello, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Good evening, miss.

IRENE:

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Doing the dishes?

GODFREY:

Yes. It's the usual procedure after dinner.

IRENE:

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) It's nice to be home again, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

It's nice to have you.

IRENE:

Er, did you mean it this afternoon when you said you missed me?

GODFREY:

Why, yes, of course I did.

IRENE:

I mean, did you miss Cornelia and me, or just me?

GODFREY:

Oh, I may have missed you a little more than I did Cornelia. Why?

IRENE:

Oh, I'm glad, because if you missed Cornelia more, you probably would have missed me less. Oh, you look so cute in your apron. Oh, will you let me do something if I ask you?

GODFREY:

(CAUTIOUS) Well, what do you want to do?

IRENE:

Wipe!

GODFREY:

Oh. All right. And you can tell me all about your trip.

IRENE:

Oh, you won't get mad?

GODFREY:

Why should I?

IRENE:

Because every place I went, everybody was Godfrey!

GODFREY:

Everyb--? I, eh, I don't want to seem dull, but I do seem to have a little trouble following you at times.

IRENE:

(BREATHLESSLY) Well, for instance, whenever I'd go into a restaurant in Paris or any place, I'd close my eyes and I'd say, "The waiter is Godfrey." And I'd say, "I'm home and he's serving me dinner." Oh, it made everything taste better. And then we went to Venice and one night I went for a ride in one of those rowboats that a man pushes with a stick. Not a matador -- no, that was in Spain -- but something like a matador.

GODFREY:

Do you by any chance mean a gondola?

IRENE:

Oh, yes, that was the name of the boat and the man that pushed it sang! He looked just like you. Oh, it was wonderful. I didn't even mind the smell.

GODFREY:

Eh, look, er-- Do you mind if I talk for a little bit while you catch your breath?

IRENE:

Oh, I'd love it.

GODFREY:

Well, while you've been away, I've been doing some things also. I've been trying to do things that I thought would make you proud of me.

IRENE:

Oh, I was proud of you before I went away.

GODFREY:

Yes, but I mean prouder still. You see, you helped me to find myself. And I'm very grateful.

IRENE:

Oh, you'd make a wonderful husband.

GODFREY:

(CHUCKLES) I'm afraid not. You're just grateful to me because I helped you beat Cornelia. And I'm grateful to you because you helped me to beat life. That doesn't mean that we have to fall in love.

IRENE:

Well, if you don't want to, but - but I'd make a wonderful wife.

GODFREY:

(CHUCKLES) Well, not - not for me, I'm afraid. But we are friends. And I feel a certain responsibility to you. That's why I wanted to tell you first.

IRENE:

Tell me what?

GODFREY:

Well, I thought it was about time I was moving on.

IRENE:

(UNHAPPY) Oh, Godfrey!

GODFREY:

Oh, now, now, please.

IRENE:

(TEARFUL) I won't cry, I promise.

GODFREY:

Ah, that's - that's fine. After all, I'm your protégé and you want me to improve myself, don't you?

IRENE:

Yes.

GODFREY:

Well, that's very sweet.

IRENE:

Well, when are you leaving?

GODFREY:

Oh, pretty soon. But I'll call you up every now and then. We'll have long chats and I'll tell you how I'm getting along and we'll have lots of fun.

IRENE:

Are you going back to her?

GODFREY:

To whom?

IRENE:

Your wife!

GODFREY:

Wife? Oh! (CHUCKLES) Oh, she was just a fabrication.

IRENE:

(HAPPY) Oh, then you aren't married?

GODFREY:

Of course not.

IRENE:

And then there aren't any five children!

GODFREY:

Well, there couldn't be, very well.

IRENE:

(GIDDY) Ohhhhhh. Oh, Godfrey! (GIGGLES, WARMLY) Oh, Godfrey.

MFX:

BRIDGE

SFX:

DOOR OPENS

GODFREY:

Did you ring, Miss Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

Come in, Godfrey. You needn't be so formal when we're alone.

GODFREY:

Yes, miss?

CORNELIA:

There's a little matter I'd like to talk over with you. I met some people on the boat coming over -- a Boston family. They know a great deal about a family called the Parkes. Are you interested, Godfrey?

GODFREY:

Slightly, yes.

CORNELIA:

Well, we can't talk here very well. Let's you and I take a long taxi ride out Van Courtland way.

IRENE:

(BURSTING IN) I heard what you said!

CORNELIA:

Did you?

IRENE:

He's not going out with you.

CORNELIA:

Oh, yes, he is -- if he knows what's good for him. (MOVING OFF) I'll be waiting, Godfrey.

IRENE:

Well, he's not going! He's not, he's not! Godfrey, you can't go with Cornelia.

GODFREY:

But I didn't say I was going any place with Miss Cornelia.

IRENE:

I know, but you will! She always gets her own way! She makes everybody do just as she likes!

GODFREY:

Why should you care whether or not I meet her?

IRENE:

I do care, that's why! Cornelia's the one who doesn't care.

GODFREY:

But I think I should decide those things for myself.

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey, I don't want to be annoying, but-- (PRETENDS TO FAINT) Ahhhhh

SFX:

BODY SLUMPS TO FLOOR

GODFREY:

Oh, Miss Irene. Here, here now. Get up. Get up. Open your eyes. Do you hear me? Open your eyes. Now, if you're faking another spell, you're on the wrong track. Are you faking? (AS IF ADDRESSING A CHILD) Oh, you're not, huh? All right, we'll soon find out.

SFX:

HEAVY LIFTING AND FOOTSTEPS IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING

GODFREY:

(LIFTS IRENE, WITH EFFORT) Now, up she goes. Ah! That's the girl. Now I'll just carry her inside. Godfrey knows how to take care of little Irene when she faints. Godfrey will take care of everything. Right in here we go.

SFX:

SHOWER DOOR OPENS ... IRENE IS PLACED IN SHOWER DURING FOLLOWING

GODFREY:

Does Irene know where she is now? No, Irene has her eyes closed. She's fainted. But Godfrey will soon fix Irene. Just sit right there. That's the girl. Now everything will be fine in just a moment. The best thing for "the faints" is a nice - cold - shower bath!

SFX:

SHOWER TURNED ON ... IRENE IS SPRAYED WITH COLD WATER

IRENE:

(SCREAMS)

GODFREY:

There! Now! (MOVING OFF) You'll feel fine in a minute.

IRENE:

Oh, Godfrey, Godfrey, come back here! Godfrey, where are you? (MOVING OFF) Godfrey, Godfrey!

SFX:

RUNNING SHOWER FADES OUT

ANGELICA:

(FADES IN) Irene! Stop running around all wet!

IRENE:

(BACK ON) Oh mother, oh mother, he loves me!

ANGELICA:

What?!

IRENE:

Godfrey loves me, he put me in the shower! Godfrey loves me, he loves me! Godfrey put me in the shower! (EXULTANT) Ohhhh, Godfrey!

MFX:

TO A FINISH

SFX:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

We pause for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

SFX:

MORE APPLAUSE TO FILL THE PAUSE ... THEN OUT

DEMILLE:

The curtain falls on the second act of "My Man Godfrey." Before Carole Lombard, William Powell and our all-star cast return for Act Three, we bring you the young lady I mentioned earlier in this program, Madalynne Fields, who made good in a DeMille picture when I, er, when I failed to recognize Miss Lombard's talents. Miss Fields has also made good as Carole's personal business manager and best friend. To Miss Lombard, she's Fieldsie. Obviously, Fieldsie, you and Miss Lombard have never allowed business to interfere with friendship.

FIELD:

We settled that a long time ago, Mr. DeMille, by a very simple agreement. Carole can never write a check and I can never sign one. It's strictly a collaboration.

DEMILLE:

Are you also in collaboration on that new home Carole's going to build out in the San Fernando Valley?

FIELD:

No. That's going to be entirely a Lombard production. She's designing it herself. A nice rambling farm house -- ten acres, chickens, a barn, milk house, smoke house and a swell barbecue pit.

DEMILLE:

Now, tell me confidentially, is Carole off the screen anything like the Irene of our play?

FIELD:

Oh, far from it. Carole always goes around telling people she'd be lost without me. Well, I'm glad she thinks so, but she wouldn't be. She's got those two feet of hers planted squarely on the ground. She runs the house, does her own ordering, and a big time to Carole is having in a few friends for an evening of bridge. However, she did give me a real scare when we had that flood a few weeks back. She left bright and early one morning before I awakened and didn't come home until late that afternoon, covered with mud. When I asked her where she'd been, she said "Oh, just out." Later, I learned that she'd taken her car, filled it with food and clothes, and rushed out to the flood area to do what she could. Carole's like that.

DEMILLE:

What can you tell our lady listeners about the Lombard wardrobe?

FIELD:

Well, only that she likes simple clothes, particularly sport things. And if she has a favorite color, it's white. She takes very good care of her clothes, too. Come up to the house sometime, Mr. DeMille. I'll show you what we think of Lux Flakes. That big blue box is busy every day keeping her things fresh as a daisy.

DEMILLE:

Hmm. That's an invitation I won't forget.

FIELD:

And, if you want to make an impression, bring a tree.

DEMILLE:

A tree? Couldn't we compromise on an acorn?

FIELD:

Not very well, Mr. DeMille. Carole, you see, is going to landscape the farm herself. At the moment, any tree that will help make a good windbreak will be gratefully received.

DEMILLE:

I'll remember that at Christmas time.

FIELD:

Oh, but I can't wait that long. So, from this point on, Carole will have to speak for herself. Thanks for having me.

DEMILLE:

Good night, Miss Fields.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

William Powell and Carole Lombard continue in "My Man Godfrey," with Gail Patrick, Mischa Auer and David Niven.

MFX:

FOR AN INTRO ... THEN IN BG, CHANGES TO PIANO AT [X]

DEMILLE:

It's the following afternoon. In the Bullock living room, Carlo strums idly on the piano [X] while Mrs. Bullock and Cornelia listen inattentively. Mr. Bullock, entering from the hall, surveys the scene gloomily.

CARLO:

(SINGS RUSSIAN SONG "DARK EYES", TO PIANO ACCOMPANIMENT) 'Chi chyornye. Occhi chyornye. Occhi chyor--

BULLOCK:

Shut up.

MFX:

PIANO OUT

CARLO:

What?

ANGELICA:

What did you say?

BULLOCK:

I told him to shut up.

ANGELICA:

Well, I never!

BULLOCK:

And you can shut up with him. And you, too, Cornelia.

CORNELIA:

I didn't open my mouth.

BULLOCK:

Well, don't. Listen and listen carefully -- because it hurts me to repeat it. The Bullocks are broke.

ANGELICA:

What?

BULLOCK:

I am broke, you are broke, she is broke, and we're all broke. Not only that, but I've been using the company's money for the last month to speculate with -- and I've lost! Do you hear that?! I've lost! That means I'm an embezzler. Unless I get hold of a wad of money by the first of the month, I'm going to jail. (CHUCKLES DARKLY) Now, isn't that an interesting story?

ANGELICA:

Well! I certainly think it was very foolish of you!

CORNELIA:

You had no right to do it!

CARLO:

An embezzler! And to think that I've been a guest in your house. Is there nothing left?

BULLOCK:

Not a cent.

CARLO:

Aah! Your food and drink have turned to dirt in my mouth.

BULLOCK:

What?! That settles it. Eh, Carlo, would you step into the hall for a moment?

CARLO:

What for?

BULLOCK:

Well, I want to speak to you as man to man.

CARLO:

You have found a way out?

BULLOCK:

Yes. For one of us, anyhow. (MOVING OFF) This way, Carlo.

CARLO:

(TO THE LADIES) Excuse me, please. (PAUSE, OFF, TO BULLOCK) Well?

SFX:

CRASH! THUD! ... BRUTAL SCUFFLE ... CONTINUES THROUGH NEXT LINE

ANGELICA:

Alexander, what are you doing out there? Alexander! Cornelia, what are they doing?

SFX:

BIG CRASH OF BREAKING GLASS

ANGELICA:

Alexander, come here! Come here. What did you say to Carlo?

BULLOCK:

I said goodbye.

ANGELICA:

Did he go?

BULLOCK:

Oh, yes. He left very hurriedly by the side window.

ANGELICA:

Alexander, you're cruel.

GODFREY:

Did I hear something fall, sir?

BULLOCK:

Yes, you did.

ANGELICA:

Godfrey, come here. Carlo is gone.

GODFREY:

Is he?

ANGELICA:

But you don't even seem surprised.

GODFREY:

I think I've been expecting it. We all have to go sooner or later.

ANGELICA:

Yes. That's true, isn't it? (GIGGLES) You're so smart, Godfrey. (GIGGLES, THEN SERIOUS) Maybe you can tell me why Mr. Bullock has to go to jail.

CORNELIA:

Mother!

GODFREY:

Why, I'm sure Mr. Bullock doesn't have to go to jail.

BULLOCK:

Oh, yes I do.

GODFREY:

Oh, no, sir. You see, I've known for some time, sir, the Bullock interests were in rather a bad way.

BULLOCK:

How did you know that?

GODFREY:

Oh, I follow the market a bit. So I took the liberty of dabbling in some stock on my own account. Here, sir.

BULLOCK:

Well, what's this?

GODFREY:

That is most of your stock. I knew it was being dumped on the market, so I sold short.

ANGELICA:

Shorts? You mean gentlemen's shorts?

BULLOCK:

Wait a minute! Do you mean that you've been making money when I was losing it?

GODFREY:

I did it in your interest, sir. I felt I owed your family a debt. I hope I've repaid it. And, I may add, some of the money went into a project of my own. I hope you won't mind, sir.

ANGELICA:

You mean you did all that on one hundred fifty dollars a month?

GODFREY:

Well, hardly. You see, with the aid of Tommy Gray and Miss Cornelia's
pearls-- Here, Miss Cornelia.

ANGELICA:

Oh, Godfrey! Then you did steal them after all.

GODFREY:

Well, I, er--

CORNELIA:

(SOBERLY) I - I put the pearls under Godfrey's mattress.

GODFREY:

Thank you, Miss Cornelia. I wanted you to say that.

CORNELIA:

Here, Godfrey. These pearls are rightfully yours.

GODFREY:

Oh, no, thank you. I've repaid my debt and I'm grateful to all of you.

CORNELIA:

If anyone's indebted, we are, after the way some of us have treated you.

GODFREY:

Oh, I've been repaid in many ways. I learned patience from Mr. Bullock. I found Mrs. Bullock at all times, shall we say -- amusing?

ANGELICA:

(SQUEALS WITH DELIGHT) That's very complimentary of you, Godfrey!

CORNELIA:

What good did you find in me, if any?

GODFREY:

A great deal. You taught me the fallacy of false pride. You taught me humility.

CORNELIA:

I don't understand you.

GODFREY:

Miss Cornelia, there have been other spoiled children in the world. I happen to be one of them myself. You're a high-spirited girl. I only hope that you'll use those high spirits in a more constructive way. (MOVING OFF) And so, goodbye.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

ANGELICA:

(STARTS TO CRY) Oh, dear.

BULLOCK:

There goes a great guy.

SFX:

ANOTHER DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

Hello!

ANGELICA:

(TEARFUL) Hello, Irene.

IRENE:

Well, what's the matter?

ANGELICA:

(TEARFUL) Nothing.

IRENE:

Well, what's the matter with her, Cornelia?

CORNELIA:

(TEARFUL) I don't know.

IRENE:

What's the matter with everybody? What's everybody crying about?

BULLOCK:

Godfrey's gone.

IRENE:

Gone? Gone where?

BULLOCK:

He didn't say.

IRENE:

Why didn't you stop him?! Why didn't you hold him here?!

ANGELICA:

We couldn't!

IRENE:

Well, he's not going to get away from me!

ANGELICA:

Where are you going?

IRENE:

To the city dump!

MFX:

BRIDGE ... CHANGES TO NIGHTCLUB ORCHESTRA PLAYING MELLOW SWING TUNE ("JUST LET ME LOOK AT YOU") ... CONTINUES IN BG

GODFREY:

Well this it, Tommy. Tramp Inn, we call it. A palace of pleasure built on a foundation of tin cans and ashes. How do you like it?

TOMMY:

Now, just a minute, Godfrey. Is this where my money went? Into a nightclub?

GODFREY:

Some of yours; all of mine. Come into my office!

SFX:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

TOMMY:

By the way, what happens to the profits from this place?

GODFREY:

Well, we're giving food and shelter to fifty people in the winter and giving them employment in the summer. What more do you want?

TOMMY:

Nothing. But you're the most peculiar butler that I've ever met.

GODFREY:

Ex-butler.

TOMMY:

Fired?

GODFREY:

No, I quit. I, er, felt that foolish feeling coming on again.

TOMMY:

Oh, you mean Irene. Why don't you marry her?

GODFREY:

Oh, no, thank you. Being her butler was tough enough.

SFX:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

Well, here! Hello.

TOMMY:

Well, Godfrey, you have company.

GODFREY:

Irene? What are you doing here?

TOMMY:

Yes, what are you doing here? (LOW) Don't let him off the hook, Irene.

IRENE:

(LOW, TO TOMMY) I won't.

TOMMY:

(MOVING OFF) So long, Godfrey.

SFX:

OFFICE DOOR CLOSES

IRENE:

(LAUGHS) Oh, my, how you've fixed this place up, Godfrey. It's much nicer than when I was here before.

GODFREY:

Oh, you noticed that.

IRENE:

Are the forgotten men having a party?

GODFREY:

Yes. It's their annual reunion.

IRENE:

Well, I saw the mayor out there. Is he one of them, too?

GODFREY:

He's the guest of honor.

IRENE:

(SIGHS) Oh, it's a lovely view with the bridge and everything. Is the bridge always there?

GODFREY:

Er, most always.

IRENE:

Oh, you have a kitchen. You know, I'm gonna like this place.

MFX:

NIGHTCLUB ORCHESTRA CHANGES TO "LOVER" BY RODGERS AND HART, IN BG

IRENE:

(MOVING OFF) Oh, what's over here?

SFX:

BEDROOM DOOR OPENS

IRENE:

(OFF) Oh, is this where you sleep?

GODFREY:

That's the general purpose of the room. Any observations?

IRENE:

(CLOSE AGAIN) I think it's very cute, but we'll have to change the wallpaper.

GODFREY:

What do you mean "we'll" have to change the wallpaper?

IRENE:

Oh, I don't like green wallpaper. It makes me bilious.

GODFREY:

Well, you won't have to look at it. You're going home right now.

IRENE:

But I can't go home. I can't, Godfrey.

GODFREY:

Now, Irene, see here. You simply--

IRENE:

Oh, go on and lose your temper. I love it when you lose your temper.

GODFREY:

Why can't you let me alone?

IRENE:

Because you're my responsibility and someone has to take care of you.

GODFREY:

I can take care of myself.

IRENE:

You can't look me in the eye and say that. You love me and you know it. And you know there's no sense in struggling with a thing when it's got you. It's got you and that's all there is to it. It's got you.

SFX:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS

COURTLAND:

May I come in?

IRENE:

Oh, Mayor Courtland.

SFX:

OFFICE DOOR CLOSES

COURTLAND:

Mr. Gray said there were a couple of people in here who wanted to get married. Are you it?

IRENE:

Yes, we're it, Mayor Courtland.

GODFREY:

Irene!

IRENE:

Well, can you marry us without a license?

COURTLAND:

Without a license? Well, it may get me into a lot of trouble but - I guess I've known your family long enough to take a chance. Does your father know about this?

IRENE:

Well, everybody knows about it except Godfrey. Come on, Godfrey, we're all set.

COURTLAND:

Join hands, please.

GODFREY:

No! No, wait! Listen, Irene, we can't do it. You simply can't--!

IRENE:

Shh! Shh! Shh! Just stand still, Godfrey. It'll all be over in a minute.

GODFREY:

(RESIGNEDLY) Oh-h-h-h . . .

MFX:

CHANGES TO FIRST FOUR NOTES OF "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ... FOR AN ABRUPT FINISH

SFX:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

So ends "My Man Godfrey." In a few moments, Melville Ruick brings you the important announcement referred to earlier tonight. And now, before William Powell, Carole Lombard and Gail Patrick return for a curtain call, we hear from Mr. Eric Hatch, author of "My Man Godfrey" and the screen version of "Topper." Tonight's story was turned down by nearly every studio in Hollywood. Finally produced by Universal, it became the first of the current cycle of comedy romances. It's also unique in that it was shot off-the-cuff, a Hollywood term which, er, perhaps you'll explain to our audience, Mr. Hatch.

HATCH:

Well, shooting off the cuff, ladies and gentlemen, is shooting without benefit of the usual prepared script or scenario. The lines are made up on the set as the action progresses. The most eminent disciple of this system is Mr. Gregory La Cava, a terrific director, with whom I was fortunate to work on "My Man Godfrey." For three months before the actual shooting of the film, Greg and I accumulated two hundred pages of rough notes and dialogue. These unassorted notes constituted all the script we had.

DEMILLE:

I've heard it said, Mr. Hatch, that the characters in "My Man Godfrey" were taken from life. Is that true?

HATCH:

Well, the only one taken from life was Mr. Bullock. I patterned him off a friend of mine, a banker. Lots of people have confided that they know exactly who he is, but oddly enough, no two persons have named the same man.

DEMILLE:

(CHUCKLES) As one of those responsible for the current deluge of so-called "crazy comedies," how long do you think their popularity's going to last?

HATCH:

Well, this may sound strange, Mr. DeMille, but "Godfrey," to me, was never a crazy picture. Godfrey was a pretty serious man. And comedy, in my opinion, must have a certain serious touch if it's going to amount to anything. If the men who produce pictures happen to agree with me, then I believe this so-called trend will last indefinitely. You've done a great job with "Godfrey" tonight, and to Mr. Powell, Miss Lombard and all the others who participated, my sincerest gratitude.

DEMILLE:

Thank you, Mr. Hatch.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

And here, ladies and gentlemen, are William Powell, Carole Lombard and Gail Patrick. And I'd like to know, Carole, what's all this talk about you and a farm? I can't quite picture the glamorous Lombard hoeing the potato patch.

LOMBARD:

Well, in the first place--

PATRICK:

Yes, and Fieldsie said something about a smoke house. You mean every time you want to light a cigarette, you've got to--

LOMBARD:

But, Gail, you don't understand. Now a smoke--

POWELL:

Carole, are you going to have chickens?

LOMBARD:

Yes.

POWELL:

What kind are you going to raise? Jersey, Holstein or Guernsey? ...

LOMBARD:

Well, what's ever best for us. Probably Holstein chickens.

POWELL:

Oh, splendid. ... What about some nice Plymouth Rock cows?

LOMBARD:

(LAUGHS) Look, I admit I don't know anything about farming. And I don't care what people think. I think it's a swell idea. What's more, I'm studying farming, and I'm taking a correspondence course from the University of California.

POWELL:

Carole, when you write for your next lesson, I wish you'd ask those college professors a question that's been puzzling me for some time.

PATRICK:

Don't tell me you're turning farmer, too, Bill.

POWELL:

Oh, no. My question has nothing to do with farming, Gail. What I'd like to know is this. Now, in our play, Godfrey marries Irene.

LOMBARD:

Yes?

POWELL:

Now, do they or do they not live happily ever after? Does he change her, does she change him, or do they both stay as they are and make a go of it?

DEMILLE:

As the celebrated detective of the Thin Man films, what's your own deduction, Bill?

POWELL:

An absolute zero. I don't know.

DEMILLE:

(CHUCKLES) Well, there's - there's one way of finding out.

POWELL:

What's that, C. B.?

DEMILLE:

Make another picture. Let's ask our audience right now to drop a line to the Lux Radio Theatre telling us whether they'd like to see more of Godfrey and Irene as Mr. and Mrs. Godfrey. If the answer's "yes," I feel pretty certain that those letters will help bring another Godfrey film to the screen.

LOMBARD:

A grand idea, Mr. DeMille, and I hope you get lots of letters. Good night.

PATRICK:

Good night.

POWELL:

Good night.

DEMILLE:

Good night, Carole. Good night, Bill. Good night, Gail.

SFX:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

In a moment, Mr. DeMille returns with news of next Monday's show. Now comes the announcement I told you about earlier. Well, we certainly started something two weeks ago when we repeated our remarkable teaspoon offer. We have literally been swamped with requests. But we want to make good our promise of giving everybody a chance to get in on our souvenir offer. A half dozen extremely beautiful and serviceable full-sized original Rogers silverplate teaspoons which, as you know, are guaranteed by the International Silver Company, the world's largest silversmith. To show you the kind of receptions the spoons are meeting with the country over, I want you to hear a few excerpts from typical letters that women are writing to us. Miss Mary Toomey of Twenty-Five Revere Street, Bridgeport, Connecticut, writes...

MARY:

They're very beautiful and I liked the first six so well, I sent for another, and showed them to my friends, who also sent for some.

ANNOUNCER:

And Mrs. Alder Nord at Five Eleven Lakeview Avenue, Jamestown, New York, says...

MRS. NORD:

I received my spoons today and want to tell you how pleased I am with them. They're perfectly lovely and worth so much more than I paid for them.

ANNOUNCER:

Truly, these spoons are very attractive and such a bargain. They have an extra-heavy deposit of pure silver-reinforced plate on the part most often exposed to wear and they are guaranteed in writing by the International Silver Company, the world's largest silversmith. Just let me read one sentence from the guarantee you will receive with your spoons. "Every piece is guaranteed to give satisfaction in family use and will be replaced without charge at any time it doesn't conform to this guarantee." It is not hard to understand the enthusiasm of those who received these spoons when you realize that you pay only a little over eight cents a piece for them. But, of course, they are available only in half dozen lots -- six spoons for fifty cents. Now, here is the easy way to get these spoons. Simply send the top from a large package of Lux, print your name and address clearly on a piece of paper, wrap fifty cents in coin in the paper -- don't send
stamps -- and mail to Lux, Meriden, Connecticut. This offer is good only in the United States.

CREIGHTON:

Oh, Mr. Ruick, would you mind repeating that address, please?

ANNOUNCER:

Not at all, Miss Creighton. Simply send to Lux, Meriden, Connecticut.

CREIGHTON:

Oh, I have it now. (AS IF WRITING) Lux, Meriden. M-E-R-I-D-E-N. Meriden, Connecticut.

ANNOUNCER:

I am sure that you will agree once you have seen the spoons that never before have you gotten a bargain like this. Of course, there is no advertising on the spoons in any way whatever. And they are not to be confused with inexpensive, ordinary spoons. They are the kind of spoons that you buy carefully and thoughtfully; the sort of spoons that you intend to keep a lifetime. You really have to see these teaspoons to fully appreciate them. Be sure and mail your request promptly. You can have as many half dozens as you want. But, for each half dozen spoons, send the top from a large-sized package of Lux and fifty cents in coin, print your name and address clearly on a piece of paper, wrap the coin in the paper, and then mail to Lux, Meriden, M-E-R-I-D-E-N, Meriden, Connecticut, and you will receive your spoons promptly, postpaid. This offer is good only in the United States. And now Mr. DeMille.

DEMILLE:

Park Avenue and Tenth Avenue never meet in New York, but they cross next Monday night in the Lux Radio Theatre when we bring you a romance successful on stage and screen, "The Girl from Tenth Avenue." In the title role, you'll hear the charming Loretta Young and co-starred, the popular George Brent.

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DEMILLE:

Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night, when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Loretta Young and George Brent in "The Girl from Tenth Avenue." This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood.

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Gail Patrick is from Paramount Studios, Mischa Auer from New Universal and David Niven from Samuel Goldwyn Productions. Louis Silvers appeared through courtesy of Twentieth Century-Fox Studios where he directed music for "Kentucky Moonshine."

Our stars were assisted tonight by Wallis Clark as Mr. Alexander Bullock, Elvia Allman as Angelica Bullock, Ynez Seabury as Molly, Edwin Max as Mr. Guthrie, Frank Nelson as George, Lou Merrill as the detective, David Kerman as Clarence, Eddie Kane as Mayor Courtland, and Ernie Adams as the waiter. Heard on tonight's performance were "Manhattan Serenade" by Louis Alter and "Just Let Me Look at You" from "Joy of Living."

This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

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