Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Easy Aces
Show: Jane Takes Up Astrology
Date: Date Unknown

JANE TAKES UP ASTROLOGY

MUSIC:

MANHATTAN SERENADE

ACE:

Ladies and gentlemen, Easy Aces.

MUSIC OUT

ACE:

Since the subject this week is astrology, we have a couple of guest stars . . . Venus and Mars . . . Love and War . . . You know, the stuff that all's fair in. And when Jane started wrecking our home because I was born under the wrong sign of the zodiac, our guest stars must have had a good laugh.

BIG REVERBERATING ECHO

MARS:

(OFF) Hahahahahahahaha. What fools these mortals be!

VENUS:

(OFF) (GIGGLES) Hahaha.

MARS:

(OFF) Hahahahahahaha.

ECHO OUT

ACE:

Oh before I forget, I've been asked to say that our guest stars appear through the courtesy of Daryl S. Zodiac, producer of Night and Day, and may currently he seen in your neighborhood sky. With a second feature, Gemini's Agreement, starring Celestial Holm, directed by Frank Capricorn. Had enough? Well, anyway, this all began one day last week when my boss, Mr. Norris, came into my office with some good news. When Mr. Norris has something to get off his chest, he talks like a stuffed shirt. Uses proverbs. This day the good news he had was about a raise in my salary

NORRIS:

Give credit where credit is due, I always say.

ACE:

Well, thank you, Mr. Norris I've waited a long time.

NORRIS:

Patience is a virtue, I always say.

ACE:

Well I've been patient, and now I'm rewarded.

NORRIS:

Virtue is its own reward, I always say.

ACE:

Well I've been virtue-ally without a raise for some time. Is this official, Mr. Norris?

NORRIS:

It will be as soon as I sign this order to our cashier.

(DOOR OPENS)

 

ACE:

I have a pen right here, Mr. . . .

JANE:

Hello, dear.

(DOOR CLOSES)

 

ACE:

Well, Jane, what brings you downtown this early?

JANE:

Just fine. Hello, Mr. Norris. How are you?

NORRIS:

I've been a little under the weather lately, Mrs. Ace.

JANE:

Yes, isn't it?

ACE:

Jane, Mr. Norris has just told me I'm gonna get a raise in salary.

JANE:

Oh really, Mr. Norris?

NORRIS:

Yes. Just as soon as I sign this memorandum, it'll become official.

ACE:

The pen, Mr. Norris. Here it is.

(DOOR OPENS)

 

NORRIS:

Oh yes, now I'll just . . .

MARGARET:

Jonathan!

NORRIS:

Oh hello, my dear.

MARGARET:

Your secretary told me I'd find you here. I must speak to you immediately.

NORRIS:

Come in, my dear. You know Mr. Ace, of course.

MARGARET:

Good morning.

ACE:

Hello, Mrs. Norris.

NORRIS:

And . . . Oh excuse me, Mrs. Ace. This is my wife.

MARGARET:

How do you do, my dear?

JANE:

Hello, Mrs. Norris.

NORRIS:

I'll be finished in a minute, Margaret. I just have to sign this memoran . . .

MARGARET:

Jonathan, no! That's why I came down here. You are not to sign anything today.

NORRIS:

Oh no, Margaret! not again!

MARGARET:

The moon is in Capricorn. You are not to sign anything for the next two weeks.

NORRIS:

Oh, Margaret . . .

ACE:

Moon in Capricorn?

MARGARET:

I'm a firm believer in astrology, Mr. Ace. Everything Jonathan has, he owes to my astrological guidance.

ACE:

But my raise . . .

NORRIS:

Margaret, just this one little signature . . .

MARGARET:

No, Jonathan.

NORRIS:

Just my initials?

MARGARET:

Jonathan will I have to hide your fountain pen again?

NORRIS:

Oh, Margaret.

ACE:

But my raise . . .

JANE:

I don't get it, Mrs. Norris. What happened to the moon?

MARGARET:

The moon is in Capricorn, my dear. A most unfavorable time for Jonathan to sign anything. He's a Gemini. I'm a Leo. What are you, my dear?

JANE:

I'm a little mixed up.

ACE:

But my raise . . .

MARGARET:

Mrs. Ace, don't tell me you don't know about the influence of the stars on our lives.

JANE:

All right.

ACE:

My raise . . .

MARGARET:

My dear, you should go at once to see Mr. Bush. He's my astrologer. I never make a move without him. He's simply wonderful. Twenty-two years ago he advised me to marry Jonathan.

NORRIS:

Oh bushwa!

MARGARET:

Jonathan, I won't have you casting disparaging remarks at Mr. Bush. You know he's responsible for your success in the advertising business. And wasn't it he who pointed out that since you were born in May, you were a Gemini? And I was born in August, so I'm a Leo? And May and August are most compatible months?

JANE:

What am I, Mrs. Norris? I was born October 12th.

MARGARET:

My dear you're a Libra.

JANE:

I am? And who should I marry?

MARGARET:

Mr. Bush can tell you that, my dear.

JANE:

Dear, what are you?

ACE:

I'm the goat. Now look, Jane, we're getting along fine. Don't go looking for trouble. Aren't we happy?

JANE:

Yes, that's right. Oh no, Mrs. Norris, I wouldn't pay any attention to that stuff. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. What's that man's name again?

MARGARET:

Mr. Bush. He's so brilliant, dear! And so handsome.

JANE:

Mr. Bush. . . . He's really silly if he believes you can only marry somebody because they happen to he born in contemptible months. . . . Where's his office?

MARGARET:

The Empire Building.

JANE:

The Empire Building. . . . Honestly, Mrs. Norris, I don't see how you can believe anything like that! . . . Does he charge much?

MARGARET:

Only five dollars for your chart.

JANE:

Five dollars. Mrs. Norris, honestly I don't like to cast asparagus at the whole thing, but it sounds so silly! . . . Do you have to make an appointment?

MARGARET:

No, just walk right in any time.

JANE:

Well so long, dear, see you later.

ACE:

Wait a minute! . . . Where you going?

JANE:

I've got to find out why I was born.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

So Jane went to see an astrologer.

VENUS:

(OFF) (ON BIG ECHO) Giggles.

MARS:

(OFF) (ON ECHO) Hahahahahahaha.

ECHO OUT

ACE:

What a studio audience they'd make. What laughs they had sitting up there on Mount Olympus looking down on this scene between Jane and Mr. Bush.

BUSH:

Have a chair, madame.

JANE:

Thank you. Mrs. Norris told me all about you, Mr. Bush.

BUSH:

Oh, yes, Mrs. Norris.

JANE:

She told me how you helped her and Mr. Norris. Can you help me that way?

BUSH:

Are you interested in the signs of the Zodiac?

JANE:

Oh no. I just wanta find out about my astrology.

BUSH:

Yes, that's what I say. The signs of the Zodiac. We're all born under certain signs. Do you know which sign you were born under?

JANE:

Uh, yes, I think I do remember. . . . "Good to the last drop."

BUSH:

What's that?

JANE:

I remember there was a big sign over the house. It said "Good to the last drop."

BUSH:

Good to the last . . .

JANE:

It kept going off and on. I think it was one of those nylon signs.

BUSH:

Mrs. Uh, Ace . . . I'm afraid you don't understand. You see the signs I speak of are the signs of the Zodiac. They have their influence on our lives. And if you will give me some data, I will prepare a chart for you. First . . . how old are you, Mrs. Ace?

JANE:

Over twenty-one.

BUSH:

Over twe . . . No, no, that won't do. I must have your exact age.

JANE:

Oh but, Mr. Bush, there are certain things that are private, and this is it.

BUSH:

But, madame, if I am to give you a reading . . .

JANE:

I just couldn't indulge my age, Mr. Bush.

BUSH:

Then how can I prepare a horoscope if I don't know the year and date of your birth?

JANE:

Oh the year and date of my birth! Why didn't you say so? October twelfth, 1915.

BUSH:

Thank you, madame

JANE:

You're welcome. This is a nice office, Mr. Bush! I like that indiscreet lighting.

BUSH:

Uh, yes. October twelfth makes you a Libra, my dear.

JANE:

Yes, that's what Mrs. Norris said. Now what should my husband be if I'm a Libra?

BUSH:

Well there are certain people with whom you can be more harmonious. And they are people born under Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini, and Leo.

JANE:

I used to know a fellow named Leo. But I never knew anybody named Sagittarius or . . .

BUSH:

What is your husband's date of birth?

JANE:

January fifteenth.

BUSH:

Oh . . . a Capricorn.

JANE:

Bad, huh?

BUSH:

I wish you'd have met me before you married your husband.

JANE:

Oh, Mr. Bush, this is so sudden!

BUSH:

No, you don't understand! I mean I might have worked out something for you that could have protected such a union. And perhaps even now I can do as much for you. Tell me, do you remember the exact time of day you were born?

JANE:

The exact time?

BUSH:

Yes, it's rather important if you know it.

JANE:

Well of course I was a little young at the time . . . what with all the excitement and everything . . . and the doctor and all that . . .

BUSH:

Didn't your mother ever tell you?

JANE:

You mean about the birds and bees?

BUSH:

Yes. No. I mean the time of day. Was it early morning? Afternoon? Late at night? Surely your mother must have remembered that.

JANE:

Oh yes, she was there at the time, But I don't think she ever told . . .

BUSH:

Oh well, I'll do the best I can with the facts you've given me. Of course, it is unfortunate that your husband is a Capricorn and you a Libra. But I think I can manage to conjure up a protection for you against the bad influence of the sign of the Capricorn.

JANE:

But how can you do that, Mr. Bush? I'm already married to him.

BUSH:

I will make certain recommendations. And there are certain charm rings, charm bracelets, and lockets which I will sell . . . which you should have. Now suppose you let me make up your chart and you come back later in the day for my recommendations. Will you do that?

JANE:

Oh sure, anything that'll make my husband and me happy again. Are you sure it'll work?

BUSH:

Oh, of course As a matter of fact, I have just finished an exact duplicate of your case, Mrs. Ace. Only it was the husband who came to see me. He's a Capricorn, and he was going to marry a beautiful young lady from Havana, who was born in October as you were.

JANE:

Oh a Cuban Libra!

BUSH:

Exactly. They are very happy now. Have no fear, Mrs. Ace, the stars will light the way.

JANE:

Oh that's pretty! Has this astrology been going on long? I never paid much attention . . .

BUSH:

The stars have had their influence over lovers since time itself. Lovers down through the ages have been guided by the stars. Take Romeo and Juliet.

JANE:

Oh, but Romeo and Juliet didn't turn out so good. Didn't she take an overdose of sleeping tablets or something?

BUSH:

Of course! And you know why?

JANE:

Oh sure, I forgot! Romeo was a Montague, and Juliet was a Capricorn.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

While Jane was at the office of Mr. Bush, setting astrology back one million light years, I was in my office wondering when Mrs. Norris would let the moon out of Capricorn. I couldn't get my raise without Norris's signature. And his wife had said he couldn't sign anything for the next two weeks. And in two weeks he might change his mind. I was sitting there thinking it was a pretty shabby trick of the moon to be in Capricorn at an important time like this (DOOR OPENS) when who should come in but Gemini himself. (DOOR CLOSES)

NORRIS:

Mr. Ace, I'm terribly sorry about this.

ACE:

Well, Mr. Norris, it is rather a shock almost to get a raise and then . . .

NORRIS:

I know, I know. But it's Margaret. This has been going on for years. "Don't sign this today." "Don't make friends tomorrow." "Beware of business relations this week." It's all too much for me. And too much is enough, I always say.

ACE:

Well how about me? I was just about to get a raise and she . . .

NORRIS:

Oh, your raise will be taken care of in time. I'll sign it when Margaret gives me the go-ahead. But I'm worried about you, Mr. Ace. Don't let this happen to you!

ACE:

To me? What?

NORRIS:

I heard Mrs. Ace say she was going to see this Mr. Bush. Mr. Ace, take a tip from me. Stop her! Don't let her get mixed up with astrology. A hint to the wise is sufficient, I always say.

ACE:

But nothing's gonna happen! I mean suppose she does go to see the man . . .

NORRIS:

Please don't treat it so lightly, Mr. Ace. I've suffered this astrology thing for twenty-two years. It started with her first visit to Mr. Bush. And Mr. Bush now runs my life. I can't open a letter . . . I can't answer a letter . . . I can't take a business trip . . . I can't make a phone call . . . unless Mr. Bush sees it in the stars.

ACE:

Great heavens!

NORRIS:

I warn you, Mr. Ace. If your wife starts talking astrology to you, nip it in the bud! Stop her before it's too late!

ACE:

Well, thanks for the advice, Mr. Norris, but really . . .

NORRIS:

This advice I am giving you, Mr. Ace, is the advice someone should have given me twenty-two years ago. I should have walked out of the house the first day she mentioned that man's name. And, Mr. Ace, I advise you to do the same now.

ACE:

Walk out on my . . . Well, let's don't turn this into a drama!

NORRIS:

The play's the thing, I always say, Mr. Ace. You must take drastic action. A stitch in time saves nine, I always say. Promise me, Mr. Ace, for your own good, if she starts quoting Mr. Bush to you, you will pack up and leave! That'll bring her to her senses!

ACE:

Haha! OK, if it'll make you happy, I promise. But I know my wife better than you do, and I'm sure you're getting upset over nothing.

NORRIS:

Mighty oaks from little acorns grow, I always say, Mr. Ace.

ACE:

That's your privilege.

NORRIS:

It'll all begin very innocently, Mr. Ace. You won't realize what's happening to you until it's too late. Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make a mighty ocean, and a lot of land, I always say.

ACE:

You said a mouthful.

NORRIS:

Mr. Ace if you had lived all these years in practically an observatory on top of Mount Wilson. . . . If day after day you had to listen to "The sun is in Taurus, the sign of the bull, so Jonathan be cautious in money matters!" "But tomorrow, the moon moves into Taurus, the sign of the bull! So, Jonathan, if you have an invention you want to invent, now is the time to invent it!" That's what I've had to listen to for twenty-two years.

ACE:

Sounds like a lot of Taurus to me.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

With the signs of the Zodiac still ringing in my ears, I got home late that afternoon and there was no sign of Jane. But soon, she came bounding in.

ACE:

Is that you, Jane?

JANE:

(OFF) It's me, dear. I'm home.

ACE:

And where have you been all afternoon?

JANE:

Now just a minute, Capricorn.

ACE:

You've been down to see Mr. Bush.

JANE:

A very good question. And I'll explain everything that happened.

ACE:

I wish you would.

JANE:

Well, to make a long story . . .

ACE:

Don't make a long story! Just get to the point and then we'll forget it.

JANE:

Now just a minute, dear, you're the one who wrecked our marriage.

ACE:

Wrecked our marriage?

JANE:

You're the one who was born January fifteenth, not me.

ACE:

Well, I'm sorry I picked that day, Jane . . .

JANE:

And who do you think is to blame?

ACE:

Me, I suppose.

JANE:

You . . . you Capricorn!

ACE:

No names, please.

JANE:

It's a good thing I went to Mr. Bush! He told me we can't get along together.

ACE:

Well if we can't get along, I guess I'll just move out.

JANE:

Oh no! You don't have to move out! Mr. Bush protected me against you!

ACE:

You sure need protection.

JANE:

A very good question. And here's how we do it. See this ring and this bracelet I'm wearing? They're engraved. They say Libra. And here's another ring and bracelet that say Capricorn.

ACE:

Where did you get all this junk?

JANE:

Junk! . . . Junk! . . .

ACE:

Sorry, we haven't anything today lately.

JANE:

I'll have you understand these charms cost twenty-five cents apiece! Now, you're gonna wear this ring and this bracelet! Come on, let's put on the bracelet, first. Come on, dear, make a wrist!

ACE:

You mean to say our marriage depends on a dollar's worth of junk jewelry?

JANE:

A dollar ten. Tax, you know.

ACE:

Our marriage license cost two dollars.

JANE:

We save ninety cents right there. Come on, dear, put it on.

ACE:

Jane, this is the end! I'm gonna nip this thing in the bud! This house is not gonna be turned into a planetarium! I'm leaving!

JANE:

Leaving? Where you going?

ACE:

Oh, I don't know. Home to Father, I guess.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

So I followed through with Mr. Norris's advice and left home. It was the first free night I'd had in years. I was on the town. Had some chop suey. Then I bowled a couple of games. Did pretty good . . . broke a hundred. Bought a candy apple on a stick. Did pretty good there, too . . . broke a porcelain jacket on my tooth. Went to a newsreel theater. Watched the electric signs on Times Square. And then went over, got a room at the YMCA . . . Young Men's Capricorn Association. When I got to the office the next morning, I thought sure there would be some word from Jane . . . Nothing. I called home and got no answer. I found out later she had gone over to Mrs. Norris's home for further instructions.

JANE:

(WORRIED) What do I do now, Mrs. Norris?

MARGARET:

You mean he's left you?

JANE:

He walked out on me last night and didn't come home. There have been nights when he stayed out late. But not to come home at all! That's the latest he's ever stayed out!

MARGARET:

Well, my dear, that's what a Libra can expect from a Capricorn.

JANE:

But, Mrs. Norris, he's been a Capricorn all these years . . . and a rather nice Capricorn too! Maybe I made a mistake starting all this fuss about . . .

MARGARET:

Nonsense, my dear. I have complete confidence in Mr. Bush. And don't you worry about your husband's leaving you. I'll phone Jonathan at the office right now and he'll speak to that husband of yours and give him a piece of my mind.

JANE:

Oh I wish you would, Mrs. Norris. Would you?

(PHONE UP AND DIALS)

 

MARGARET:

Of course, my dear. Meanwhile you're going to live here with us.

JANE:

Because you have no idea what a lonesome feeling it is to look across the breakfast table in the morning and not see that newspaper staring me in the face . . . even if he is only a Capricorn.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

How do you like that? Isn't that just like a woman? Spilling all her personal troubles to the first outsider that comes along? You don't catch men doing that! I sat in my office, suffering silently. That's the way Mr. Norris found me when he came into my office.

NORRIS:

Good morning, Mr. Ace.

ACE:

Is it? It isn't to me. I did what you told me to last night. I left home. I spent an uncomfortable night at the YMCA. I lost the porcelain jacket off my tooth. I got up this morning with chop suey on my tie, and went to the Automat for breakfast. And if you think it's fun sitting at a breakfast table reading a newspaper with nobody to interrupt you . . . you're mistaken. She may be a Libra, but she's not a bad little Libra, as Libras go. I think I made a mistake starting all this fuss over . . .

NORRIS:

Nonsense! You did the right thing. Be firm! Rock of Gibraltar! Assert yourself! Some day you'll thank me for this.

(PHONE RINGS)

 

ACE:

Hello.

MARGARET:

(FILTER) This is Mrs. Norris, I want to speak to my husband.

ACE:

Uh, just a minute. It's Mrs. Norris.

NORRIS:

Oh what does she want now? Hello, Margaret.

MARGARET:

Jonathan, I want you to speak to Mr. Ace and tell him he's got to go home to his wife.

NORRIS:

But Margaret this is no affair of ours . . .

MARGARET:

Jonathan, do you hear me?

NORRIS:

But if Mr. Ace leaves his wife, I have no reason to . . .

MARGARET:

Jonathan, you heard what I said.

ACE:

Be firm, Mr. Norris!

MARGARET:

If you don't speak to him, I'll never speak to you again!

ACE:

Assert yourself!

MARGARET:

Is what I'm saying penetrating that thick head of yours?

ACE:

Rock of Gibraltar!

MARGARET:

Well, Jonathan, are you going to do as I tell you?

(PAUSE)

 

NORRIS:

No, Margaret.

MARGARET:

What?

NORRIS:

I think Mr. Ace did the wise thing. I stand behind him, hook, line and sinker.

ACE:

Look, sinker, don't get me into this!

MARGARET:

Jonathan Norris, this is the end! I will send your things to your office! You are not to set foot in this house again! I'll protect this woman from her husband! She stays with me until both of you come to your senses. Goodbye. (CLICK)

NORRIS:

Yes, Marg . . . Goodbye! (HANGS UP WITH A BANG) Well, Mr. Ace . . . I asserted myself! I was firm! Rock of Gibraltar! Uh, what do I do now?

ACE:

What do you do? You move into the YMCA with me. We'll go on the town tonight. How are you on candy apples?

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

Well, that night Mr. Norris and I had chop suey. He doesn't bowl, so we each bought a candy apple. I broke another porcelain jacket. By the time Mr. Norris had disengaged his upper plate from the candy apple, he was exhausted. So we went home. Home! What is home without a woman's touch? A gin rummy game, natch.

NORRIS:

That's gin, Mr. Ace. How could you throw me the jack of clubs when I picked your ten of clubs?

ACE:

Oh I didn't remember. I've been eating too many of these chocolates. I gotta cut it out. My waistline's getting to be abominable.

MUSIC CHORD

ACE:

Meanwhile over at Mrs. Norris's home:

MARGARET:

That's gin, my dear. How could you throw me the five of hearts when I picked your six of hearts?

JANE:

Oh, I didn't remember. I was thinking maybe he might be eating too many of those chocolates. He's gotta cut it out. His waist line's getting abdominal.

MARGARET:

Oh, stop worrying about your husband. He'll be all right. I just hope Jonathan doesn't forget to take his vitamin pill.

JANE:

If he goes home, I hope he knows there's some cold chicken in the refrigerator He always likes a midnight smack.

MARGARET:

I hope he doesn't give Jonathan any. I've got him on a very rigid diet.

JANE:

Maybe you oughta call him up and tell him not to eat any.

MARGARET:

I should say I won't! But if it'll ease your mind I will.

(PHONE UP AND DIAL)

 

JANE:

Yes, call him up.

MARGARET:

He needs more care than a child. Out of my sight for one night and he's eating cold chicken and not taking his vitamin pills.

JANE:

I should have hidden those chocolates so he couldn't find 'em.

ACE:

(FILTER) Hello.

MARGARET:

Mr. Ace, this is Mrs. Norris. May I speak to Mr. Norris?

ACE:

Whatsa matter? Anything wrong? Is Jane all right?

MARGARET:

She's perfectly all right. Do you wish to speak to her?

ACE:

Yes, I'd like to.

MARGARET:

Just a minute. Your husband wants to speak to you.

JANE:

Oh, finally.

MARGARET:

But wait just a minute, my dear. I don't think you should.

JANE:

But I miss him!

MARGARET:

You've got to teach him a lesson! He's weakening. Be firm! Assert yourself! Rock of Gibraltar!. Be a Libra!

JANE:

But let me just say . . .

MARGARET:

Hello, Mr. Ace. Mrs. Ace refuses to speak to you. Let me talk to Mr. Norris.

ACE:

Oh, is that so? Well, Mr. Norris refuses to speak to you!

MARGARET:

He does? Oh, he does! Well, give him this message. He's not to eat any of that cold chicken in your refrigerator.

ACE:

OK, I'll tell him.

JANE:

But I wanta tell my husband about the chocolates.

MARGARET:

Oh yes, Mrs. Ace has a message for you.

ACE:

Well, tell her to give it to Mr. Norris! I'll put him on.

MARGARET:

Here you are, my dear. You can speak to Jonathan.

NORRIS:

Hello.

JANE:

Hello Mr. Norris. How is he?

NORRIS:

He's fine. What's the message you have for him?

JANE:

Message? Oh yes. Tell him not to eat too many of those chocolates.

NORRIS:

Thank you. I'll tell him. Oh, Mrs. Ace. How is Margaret?

JANE:

Oh she's fair to meddling.

NORRIS:

Still at it, huh?

MARGARET:

Oh I forgot about the vitamin pill.

JANE:

Mrs. Norris has another message for you, Mr. Norris.

NORRIS:

Just a minute. I'll put Mr. Ace on.

JANE:

He's putting my husband on. Here you talk to him. But I'll peek into the receiver with one ear.

ACE:

Hello.

MARGARET:

Mr. Ace, tell Jonathan he's not to forget his vitamin pill.

ACE:

Very well, I'll tell him.

JANE:

Hello, dear.

ACE:

Wait a minute! Who's got the ball? Who's this message for?

JANE:

It's me, dear. Are you all right?

ACE:

Don't worry about me. How you making out?

JANE:

Me either.

ACE:

Well you started this. It's the most ridiculous thing . . .

JANE:

Just because I wanted to find out about astrology?

ACE:

I don't mind astrology, if you wanta go in for it. But not the way you did. I'm willing to meet you halfway.

JANE:

You will, dear? All right. We're at 86th Street, and you're at 76th. We'll meet you halfway . . . on the corner of 81st. I'll bring Mrs. Norris with me.

ACE:

OK, I'll bring a friend for her.

MUSIC BRIDGE

ACE:

And so it came to pass that on this balmy May evening two couples met on the corner of 81st Street and Fifth Avenue. I wish you could have been there to see this happy reunion:

MARGARET:

I certainly will not speak to him unless he speaks to me first!

ACE:

Well, you started the whole thing!

JANE:

Are you all right, dear?

NORRIS:

You and that phony Mr. Bush!

MARGARET:

Don't you call him phony!

JANE:

Did you miss me, dear?

ACE:

And you gypped me out of a raise besides breaking up my home!

MARGARET:

You broke up your own home when you left your wife!

NORRIS:

You stay out of other people's affairs, Margaret!

JANE:

You look tired, dear.

ALL THREE:

Jonathan Norris I'll never forgive you . . . You've got to stop meddling in other people's lives . . . You and your Capricorns and Libras . . .

COP:

Hey! Come on here! Break it up! What's going on here? Pipe down!

JANE:

Oh hello, policeman.

COP:

What's going on here? You people got a permit to hold a meeting?

NORRIS:

Oh no, officer, we're not holding a meeting.

ACE:

No sir, we're just having a family dispute.

JANE:

We're all married.

COP:

Married? Now is that a nice way for married folks to act? On a beautiful balmy spring night like this? It's spring folks. Look at that sky up there. Look at all those beautiful stars up there.

ACE:

Don't start with those stars again . . .

COP:

Look at 'em up there! Venus and Mars.

ACE:

Come on, Jane. Let's go home. Good night, Mr. Norris.

NORRIS:

Good night

JANE:

Good night, Mrs. Norris.

MARGARET:

Good night, my dear. Come along Jonathan.

COP:

Good night, folks!

ALL:

Good night, officer.

COP:

Yes, there's nothing like those stars up there to make people happy.

VENUS:

(ON ECHO) Giggles.

MARS:

(ECHO) Hahahahahahahaha.

MUSIC PLAYOFF