Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Lux Radio Theater
Show: The Philadelphia Story
Date: Jul 20 1942

The Lux Team:
HOST, Cecil B. DeMille
ANNOUNCER, John Milton Kennedy
MRS. BROWN

The Characters:
TRACY LORD / KATHARINE HEPBURN
C. K. DEXTER HAVEN, Tracy's ex-husband / CARY GRANT
MIKE CONNOR, reporter / JIMMY STEWART
LIZ IMBRIE, photographer / RUTH HUSSEY

SIDNEY KIDD, publisher
SECRETARY (2 lines)
MRS. LORD, Tracy's mother, Margaret
DINAH LORD, Tracy's kid sister
MR. LORD, Tracy's father, Seth
EDWARD, the Lords' butler
GEORGE KITTREDGE, Tracy's fiancée
PATRON, at library (1 line)
LIBRARIAN
MACK, the night watchman
and PARTY and WEDDING GUESTS

ANNOUNCER:

The United States of America presents THE VICTORY THEATER!

MUSIC:

LUX THEME ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

THE VICTORY THEATER brings you Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Lieutenant James Stewart, Ruth Hussey, and Virginia Weidler in "The Philadelphia Story." Ladies and gentlemen, speaking for the United States government, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. This is a great moment in the American theater -- the opening night of a great new theater dedicated to those principles for which free peoples are now fighting on the battlefields of the world; dedicated, above all, to victory. Each Sunday night, a popular Columbia network program will donate an extra performance in the service of the United States.

Speaking for the sponsor and staff of our theater, which you've heard on Mondays at this same time for many years -- and speaking for myself -- we're highly honored that the government has asked us to produce this first program. We've met this challenge with a four-star premiere, worthy of the star-spangled purpose behind the VICTORY THEATER. Our play is Philip Barry's brilliant comedy, "The Philadelphia Story." And our stars are the same famous quartet who played it on the screen -- Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart, and Ruth Hussey. Incidentally, we used to borrow Jimmy Stewart from his picture studio. Tonight, he was assigned to us by Uncle Sam. As you know, he's now a lieutenant in the United States Army Air Forces.

Before it reached the screen, "The Philadelphia Story" ran for a year on Broadway, with Miss Hepburn as the star. Backstage one night, I tried to persuade the lady to let me make the picture. She was very gracious, but another producer made the picture. However, all things come to him who waits, if he waits long enough. So tonight I raise the curtain on the first act of "The Philadelphia Story," starring Cary Grant as C. K. Dexter Haven, Katharine Hepburn as Tracy Lord, Lieutenant James Stewart as Mike Connor, Ruth Hussey as Elizabeth Imbrie, and Virginia Weidler as Dinah.

SOUND:

NOISY STRING OF EFFECTS AS TRACY VIOLENTLY THROWS DEXTER OUT OF THE HOUSE ... MUCH BUMPING AND THUMPING, ALONG WITH SCUFFLING, BREAKING GLASS, ET CETERA ... ENDS WITH A BIG CRASH!

TRACY:

And don't bother to come back!

SOUND:

DOOR SLAM! FOR PUNCTUATION

MUSIC:

A BRIEF INTRO ... THEN BEHIND DEMILLE--

DEMILLE:

Ladies and gentlemen, you've just been listening to the end of an ideal marriage. That was Mr. C. K. Dexter Haven being invited out of his happy home, with Mrs. Tracy Lord Haven issuing the invitation. But all that was two years ago. Right now Philadelphia society is seething with interest over the forthcoming second marriage of Tracy Lord. And the editor of the international magazine Spy is determined to spread it over six photographic pages of his scandal sheet. On the way to the editor's office are Spy's major writer and Spy's foremost photographer.

SOUND:

LIZ AND MIKE'S FOOTSTEPS

MIKE:

I'm not gonna do it, Liz. I'm gonna tell Sidney Kidd very plainly and simply I'm a writer and no society snoop. I'm gonna tell him just that.

LIZ:

Just that.

MIKE:

Let Kidd fire me! I'll start writing short stories again. I'm gonna tell him just that.

LIZ:

Just that.

SOUND:

FOOTSTEPS OUT WITH KNOCK ON OFFICE DOOR

KIDD:

(BEHIND DOOR) Come in.

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS ... THEN SHUTS BEHIND--

KIDD:

Oh, hello, Connor. Morning, Miss Imbrie.

MIKE:

Mr. Kidd, I don't think you're being fair to me!

KIDD:

No?

MIKE:

No! Now, you're treating me like you treat all your other writers.

KIDD:

You really hate me, don't you, Connor?

MIKE:

No! No. I don't like you very much, though.

KIDD:

You hate me, I trust, Miss Imbrie?

LIZ:

No, I can't afford to hate anybody; I'm only a photographer.

KIDD:

Your assignment will be Spy's most sensational achievement. Tracy Samantha Lord -- big game hunting in Africa, fox hunting in Pennsylvania-- Why, I can see the layout now -- "The Philadelphia Story!" "Closed were the portals of snobbish fox hunting--" No, no. No hunter of foxes is Spy Magazine. Anyway, presented for the first time, quote, "A wedding day inside mainline society!"

MIKE:

Or "What the kitchen maid saw through the keyhole." Unquote.

KIDD:

Go ahead, Connor. Writing's your job; I'm only the publisher.

MIKE:

All right, "publisher," take this! Quote. "No hunter of buckshot in the rear is cagey crafty Connor." Unquote. Close paragraph.

LIZ:

Close job. Close bank account. But look, Mr. Kidd, how could we possibly get inside the Lord estate, let alone the house?

KIDD:

Er, just a moment. (CLICK OF INTERCOM) Miss Paulie?

SECRETARY:

(ON INTERCOM) Yes, sir?

KIDD:

Ask the gentleman to come in.

SECRETARY:

(ON INTERCOM) Yes, sir. (CLICK OF INTERCOM)

KIDD:

You'll find, Miss Imbrie, I haven't overlooked anything.

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS

KIDD:

Come in please, Mister, er-- Come in, come in.

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR SHUTS

KIDD:

I understand that we understand each other.

DEXTER:

(UNHAPPY) Yes, Mr. Kidd, quite.

KIDD:

Connor, this gentleman has been employed in our Buenos Aires office. I believe he can help us with our problem.

MIKE:

Yeah? How?

KIDD:

Er, tell him, please.

DEXTER:

Well, Tracy Lord's brother Junius is in the American embassy down there. He's an old friend of mine. I'll introduce you to the Lords as intimate friends of Junius's.

MIKE:

Dear old Junius. Well, now, this Tracy Samantha Lord, does she know you?

DEXTER:

(CAGEY) You might say Miss Lord and I grew up together.

LIZ:

(KNOWINGLY) Yes! You might also say you were her first husband, Mr. C. K. Dexter Haven.

DEXTER:

(DRY) Yes, you might.

MIKE:

Holy mackerel, what goes on here?

LIZ:

(TO DEXTER) I remember your honeymoon very well. You and she on a little sailboat, the True Love, wasn't it?

DEXTER:

That's right. How did you know?

LIZ:

I was the only photographer whose camera you didn't smash. Oh, you were terribly nice about it. You threw it overboard!

DEXTER:

Well, I had the strange idea that our honeymoon was our own private business.

KIDD:

Now, what are the plans, Haven? The wedding's Saturday; they should spend tomorrow night as guests of the Lords.

MIKE:

Well now, wait just a minute now. There's something screwy here. Now listen, Mr. Haven, why are you doing all this, unless you--? (REALIZES) Oh! Oh, you want to get even with your ex-bride, huh?

DEXTER:

(INDIGNANT) I don't think there's anything further to discuss. (MOVING OFF, TO KIDD) I'll have a car pick them up at noon tomorrow in North Philadelphia.

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS & SHUTS

MIKE:

(INSULTED) Why, that--

LIZ:

Here, Mike.

MIKE:

Hm?

LIZ:

Take my handkerchief. There's a little spit in your eye. It shows.

MIKE:

(GRUMBLES)

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

DINAH:

(CALLS) Tracy?! Tracy?! Tracy?!

EDWARD:

Miss Dinah?

DINAH:

Edward, have you seen my sister?

EDWARD:

Yes, Miss Dinah, she's in the sitting room, making a list of the wedding gifts.

SOUND:

SITTING ROOM DOOR OPENS

DINAH:

Tracy!

TRACY:

(IGNORES HER, TO MRS. LORD) Mother? How do you spell omelet?

DINAH:

Oh, you! Why didn't you answer me?

TRACY:

Omelet, mother.

MRS. LORD:

Omelet? O-M-E-L-E-T.

TRACY:

I thought there was another "L."

DINAH:

That's a funny wedding present, an omelet.

MRS. LORD:

It's a dish dear, a silver dish.

TRACY:

Dinah, bring some of that junk off the table.

DINAH:

Is this a present? It stinks!

MRS. LORD:

Don't say "stinks," darling. If absolutely necessary, "smells," but only if ab-so-lute-ly necessary.

TRACY:

(EXASPERATED) Mother, the cards on the presents have been changed again.

DINAH:

(MISCHIEVOUS) There must be a ghost loose in the house. Maybe the ghost of Bridegroom Number One.

MRS. LORD:

Oh, Dinah, don't talk about Dexter as though he were dead.

DINAH:

He might just as well be for all Tracy cares.

TRACY:

Right. If I never see Mr. C. K. Dexter Haven again, I'll be-- Mother, look at that lamp. Isn't it awful?

DINAH:

Who sent it?

MRS. LORD:

They're friends of your father's.

TRACY:

Wouldn't you know it? What are they, tap dancers or just musical comedy producers?

MRS. LORD:

That's hardly fair to your father's interest in art, Tracy.

TRACY:

Art, my eye! The art of putting up a hundred thousand dollars to display the shapely legs of Tina Mara.

MRS. LORD:

That will do, Tracy!

TRACY:

Oh, I give up, mother. If you'd just face the facts squarely, as I did--

MRS. LORD:

Well, we both might face the fact that neither of us has proved to be a very great success as a wife.

TRACY:

We just picked the wrong first husbands, that's all.

MRS. LORD:

Well, don't let's argue about it. You wanted me to take a stand and I've taken it.

TRACY:

The only stand a woman could take and keep her self-respect.

MRS. LORD:

Yes, Tracy, I know. Now I have my self-respect and no husband.

TRACY:

(REASSURING) Hey, it's better this way. Really, you'll see. Let's forget about the past. We both deserve some happiness now, especially you.

MRS. LORD:

(WARMLY) Darling.

TRACY:

(CHANGES SUBJECT, ENTHUSIASTIC) Isn't George an angel?

MRS. LORD:

George is an angel.

TRACY:

Is he handsome or is he not?

MRS. LORD:

George is handsome.

DINAH:

I like Dexter better.

TRACY:

Really? Why don't you postpone the wedding?

DINAH:

Postpone it? How?

TRACY:

Get smallpox.

MRS. LORD:

(ADMONISHES) Don't put that idea in her head! ...

TRACY:

What time is it? George isn't usually late.

DINAH:

Oh, uh, he's waiting for us at the stables.

TRACY:

Waiting for us at the--! Mother, if I don't choke her before Saturday--

DINAH:

It would postpone the wedding, wouldn't it?

TRACY:

It would not! (MOVING OFF) Be in the car when I get down, Dinah.

DINAH:

She's so mean about Dexter.

MRS. LORD:

He was rather mean to her, my dear.

DINAH:

Did he really sock her?

MRS. LORD:

Please, Dinah.

DINAH:

Well the papers were full of "innundo."

MRS. LORD:

Of what?

DINAH:

Of "innundo." Cruelty and drunkenness, it said. Mother, why won't Tracy ask her own father to the wedding?

MRS. LORD:

Your sister has very definite opinions about certain things.

DINAH:

But don't you think it's stinking not to want father?

MRS. LORD:

Yes, darling. Between ourselves, I think it's good and stinking. ...

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

DINAH:

(AMUSED) Wait'll you see your fiancée. He's all shiny.

TRACY:

What're you talking about?

DINAH:

Brand new riding breeches. See?

GEORGE:

(APPROACHES) Hello, there.

TRACY:

Well! Who's that terribly attractive man?

GEORGE:

Hello, darling.

TRACY:

Hello, George.

GEORGE:

Well, how do you like me?

TRACY:

I adore you, but you look awful.

GEORGE:

Awful?

TRACY: You look like something right out of a shop window.

GEORGE:

But, Tracy, I--

TRACY:

Help me, Dinah; we'll rub a little dirt on those breeches.

SOUND:

DINAH AND TRACY RUB DIRT ON GEORGE ... SCUFFLE DURING FOLLOWING--

GEORGE:

Hey, listen--! Now, just a minute!

DINAH:

Here, Tracy.

GEORGE:

No-no-no, now, stop, hey! These are new pants!

TRACY:

That's just it, they're new, but they're not going to be. (SCUFFLE ENDS) There, that's better.

GEORGE:

I - I don't get it. When I was a coal miner the idea was to get enough money to buy clean clothes, and now that I'm general manager--

TRACY:

George, what's that thing you were reading?

GEORGE:

This? Oh, I was just glancing through it; it's a copy of Spy.

TRACY:

Who takes it, your cook?

DINAH:

I love it! It's got pictures of everything.

TRACY:

(DISAPPROVING) It certainly has.

GEORGE:

I just wanted to see if there was anything in here about the wedding.

TRACY:

What do you mean?

GEORGE:

Well, I thought maybe you being one of the oldest families in Philadelphia, and me getting fairly important myself-- Luck, of course.

TRACY:

Let me have that thing!

SOUND:

TRACY SNATCHES MAGAZINE FROM GEORGE ... THEN FLIPS THROUGH IT BEHIND--

GEORGE:

What's the matter?

TRACY:

Look at this stuff. (READS SNEERINGLY) "An average day in the life of a congressman. The congressman's wife. The kitchen where is prepared one banana, sliced; two fried eggs--" Of all the filthy ideas; coming into a private house with a camera! Get on that horse, George Kittredge.

GEORGE:

Tracy, what would happen if I took it into my head some day to go into politics?

TRACY:

You'd be elected president.

GEORGE:

No, I mean about publicity.

TRACY:

Not in my home! Get on that horse.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

DEXTER:

Hey, where is everybody?

DINAH:

(OFF, THRILLED) Dexter! Dexter!

DEXTER:

Hello, Dinah!

DINAH:

(CLOSER) Dexter! You've come back!

DEXTER:

Ah, Dinah, my dream girl!

DINAH:

(CALLS) Tracy?! Dexter's here; it's Dexter!

DEXTER:

(CHUCKLES)

TRACY:

(APPROACHES) What in the name of--?

DEXTER:

Well, hello, Tracy.

MRS. LORD:

(OFF) Dexter!

DEXTER:

How are you, Mother Lord?

MRS. LORD:

(CLOSER) Dexter, don't you know that tomorrow's the wedding?

DEXTER:

(PLAYS DUMB) Oh, no. Oh, that's right, so it is.

TRACY:

(COOL) You can go right back where you came from.

DEXTER:

Now, Red, look, you don't think I'd miss your wedding, do you?

MRS. LORD:

When did you arrive? Tell us all about Junius.

DEXTER:

Well, Junius is fine.

MRS. LORD:

Oh, he should be here.

DEXTER:

Well, he's heart-broken. I suggested representing him as best man, but--

TRACY:

I'm afraid George might prefer to have his best man sober.

DEXTER:

Ouch!

DINAH:

I wish you'd represent George.

DEXTER:

That's my loyal little girl, Dinah. Oh, you'll like the people Junius did send though, I'm sure.

TRACY:

You haven't switched from liquor to dope by any chance, have you, Dexter? ...

MRS. LORD:

The people Junius did send?

DEXTER:

Yes. You don't happen to know a Macauley Connor or an Elizabeth Imbrie, do you?

TRACY:

No, I don't.

DEXTER:

Well then, you'd better come along and be introduced. You see, they're great friends of Junius's.

MRS. LORD:

Do they expect to stay here over the wedding? I think it's very queer indeed.

TRACY:

I think it's queerer than that; I think it's paranoiac. You're lying, Dexter, I can always tell.

DEXTER:

Can you, Red?

TRACY:

You went to work after the divorce, didn't you?

DEXTER:

Well, yes, except for a brief interlude in a couple of alcoholic sanitariums.

TRACY:

But you took a job in South America. Who for?

DEXTER:

A magazine.

TRACY:

And it wasn't by any chance Spy Magazine?

DEXTER:

You are a mass of intuition.

TRACY:

And I don't suppose that Junius's friends are photographers by any chance. (STARTING OFF) Oh, I knew you were low, but I never thought you'd sink to anything this--!

SOUND:

TRACY'S FOOTSTEPS START FOR THE PHONE DURING ABOVE, BUT STOP BEHIND--

MRS. LORD:

What're you going to do?

TRACY:

After I telephone Junius, I'm going to do plenty!

DEXTER:

No, no. Now, wait, Red! Wait, wait. I confess. You don't have to telephone Junius.

TRACY:

(IMPERIOUS) So! You confess!

DEXTER:

Ah, no. No, you're slipping, Red. I used to be afraid of that look -- the withering glance of the goddess.

TRACY:

(DEFLATED) Oh, shut up.

DEXTER:

Now, look, Red, about this man Connor, and uh--

TRACY:

I'll take care of them. Who do they think they are, barging in on peaceful people--?!

DEXTER:

Now, shush, shush. They'll think you don't want them.

TRACY:

I want them out! And you, too.

DEXTER:

Yes, your majesty, but first--! Could I interest you in some small blackmail?

TRACY:

No. What do you mean blackmail?

SOUND:

DEXTER UNFOLDS ARTICLE BEHIND--

DEXTER:

Well, it's an article, complete with snapshots, details, and insinuations -- and it's ready for publication in Spy. And it's about your father and that dancer in New York. You see?

TRACY:

About father and Tina Mara?

DEXTER:

Oh, yes. Quiet, Dinah may be listening.

TRACY:

But they can't! They-- Even if it's true. Where'd you get this stuff?

DEXTER:

From one Sidney Kidd, the editor and publisher.

TRACY:

He's got to be stopped.

DEXTER:

Well, he is, temporarily. That is, if you'll allow those two to turn in a story on your wedding. And when Kidd says a story, he means a story.

TRACY:

I'm gonna be sick.

DEXTER:

Yes, dear. (ARCHLY) "An Intimate Day with a Society Bride." Hm! (GOOFY LAUGH)

TRACY:

I am sick.

DEXTER:

Well, it's tough, but that's the way it seems to be.

TRACY:

So I'm to be examined, undressed, and generally humiliated at fifteen cents a copy, and you, you-- You're loving it.

DEXTER:

Am I, Red?

TRACY:

(DEFIANT) All right, I'll give them an interview. I'll give them a picture of Tracy Lord that'll stand their hair on end!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

MIKE:

Look at this joint, will ya?

LIZ:

What is this room? I forgot my compass.

MIKE:

Well, this would be the South-Southwest-Parlor-by-Living-Room or something. Say, uh, what's this guy Haven up to anyway?

LIZ:

C. K. Dexter Haven?

MIKE:

Yeah, and what kind of name is that?

LIZ:

Macauley Connor's no homespun tag, my pet.

MIKE:

Yeah? Well, just try calling me Macauley.

LIZ:

I knew a plain Joe Smith once. He was only a clerk in a hardware store, but he was an absolute rat! Mike, take your feet off the table.

SOUND:

MIKE'S FEET THUMP TO FLOOR BEHIND--

MIKE:

Well, tell poor footman to call me for lunch, will ya?

SOUND:

SITTING ROOM DOOR OPENS

TRACY:

(ENTERS, BRASH) How do you do?

SOUND:

MIKE SCRAMBLES TO RISE BEHIND--

MIKE:

(AWKWARD) Oh, I'm sorry.

TRACY:

Don't bother to get up. I'm Tracy Lord.

MIKE:

Oh, well my name is--

TRACY:

It's so nice having you here. How did you leave Junius?

MIKE:

Uh, fine. We left Junius fine. This is Miss Imbrie--

TRACY:

Junius is such a lamb, isn't he?

LIZ:

(NOT COWED) Yes, isn't he?

TRACY:

It's a pity that none of the male members of the family are going to be here to welcome you.

MIKE:

No? Well, uh, where's your father?

TRACY:

Darling Papa! I do hope you'll stay for my wedding.

LIZ:

We'd like to very much.

TRACY:

I'm so glad that it occurred to you.

MIKE:

Is your father sick?

TRACY:

(IGNORES HIM, TO LIZ) What a cunning little camera.

LIZ:

I'm afraid I'm an awful nuisance with it.

TRACY:

But you couldn't be; I hope you'll take loads of pictures. You're a kind of writer, aren't you, Mr. Connor?

MIKE:

Sort of.

TRACY:

Hmm. Of books?

MIKE:

Uh, yes, of books. Book of short stories.

TRACY:

Under what name do you publish?

MIKE:

My own. Macauley Connor.

TRACY:

What's the Macauley for?

MIKE:

(EMBARRASSED) Well, my father taught English history. I'm Mike to my friends.

TRACY:

Of whom you have many, I'm sure. (CHUCKLES) English history has always fascinated me. Cromwell, Robin Hood, Jack the Ripper. Where did he teach? I mean your father.

MIKE:

Well, he taught in a little high school in South Bend, Indiana.

TRACY:

(FEIGNS ENCHANTMENT) South Bend; it sounds like dancing, doesn't it? ... You must have had a most happy childhood there.

MIKE:

(IRONIC) Oh, it was terrific.

TRACY:

I'm so glad.

MIKE:

Well, now, I didn't mean it that way.

TRACY:

I'm so sorry; why?

MIKE:

Well, I don't know. ... Lack of wherewithal, I guess.

TRACY:

But that doesn't always cause unhappiness, does it? Are either of you married?

MIKE:

No.

LIZ:

(TAKEN ABACK) No-- Well, no.

TRACY:

You mean you were, but now you're divorced?

LIZ:

Well, the fact is, I--

TRACY:

Oh, come now, surely you're not ashamed of it.

LIZ:

Of course I'm not ashamed of it.

MIKE:

(FIRST HE'S HEARD OF THIS) What?

LIZ:

(STAMMERS) Well, it was years ago. I was only a kid in Duluth, for heaven's sake.

MIKE:

Good heavens, Liz, you never told me anything about this.

LIZ:

Well, you never asked me!

MIKE:

Well, I didn't ask you, of course not, but what's the difference--?

LIZ:

Joe Smith, hardware! ...

MIKE:

How do you like that? You're the darnedest girl, Liz.

LIZ:

I think I'm sweet.

TRACY:

Duluth. That must be a lovely spot. It's west of here, isn't it?

LIZ:

Sort of, but occasionally we get the breezes. ...

TRACY:

And this is your first visit in Philadelphia. It's a quaint old place, don't you think? Filled with relics. [And how old are you, Mr. Connor? ...] Tell me something, are you two going together?

MIKE:

(ABASHED) Well, now, I beg your pardon.

LIZ:

(ALSO ABASHED) Um, er--

MIKE:

Take it easy--

LIZ:

Odd question, I must say.

TRACY:

I don't see why; I think it's very interesting. Don't you agree, Miss Imbrie, that if a man says he loves a girl, he ought to marry her?

MIKE:

(TO LIZ, OFF TRACY) Can she be human?

TRACY:

Please, Mr. Connor, I asked this young lady a question.

MIKE:

I beg your pardon.

LIZ:

Well, uh, that depends, I--

TRACY:

(ABRUPTLY MOVING OFF) I'll see what's keeping Mama. You'll excuse me, won't you?

SOUND:

SITTING ROOM DOOR SHUTS

MIKE:

Say, who's doing the interviewing here?

LIZ:

You don't suppose she's caught on somehow?

MIKE:

Oh, no, she was born that way. But I've still got to get an interview.

LIZ:

Well, try the town library. You can probably dig up enough stuff to hang her whole family.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

PATRON:

Book return, Miss Volk.

LIBRARIAN:

Just leave it, please.

MIKE:

Excuse me, are you the librarian?

LIBRARIAN:

Yes. What does thee wish?

MIKE:

(FLUSTERED BY THE ARCHAIC PRONOUN) Well, I'm looking for a local bio-- ... What'd you say?

LIBRARIAN:

What does thee wish?

MIKE:

I'm looking for a local biography, a history.

LIBRARIAN:

If thee will consult with my colleague over there--

MIKE:

Uh huh. (BEAT) Dost thou have a washroom? ...

LIBRARIAN:

To the left.

MIKE:

Thank thee. ... (BEAT, TO TRACY) Oh, you reading?

TRACY:

(ANNOYED) Look, I know this is a public library, but I-- (RECOGNIZES MIKE) Oh.

MIKE:

Hello. Well, my book, huh? What, couldn't you afford to buy a copy?

TRACY:

The bookstore didn't have one.

MIKE:

Oh. Well, you're sure you're doing the right thing now? You know what happens to girls like you when they read books like mine. They begin to think. That's bad.

TRACY:

(GENUINE) These stories are beautiful. Why, Connor, they're almost poetry.

MIKE:

Well, don't kid yourself; they are.

TRACY:

I can't make you out at all now.

MIKE:

Really?

TRACY:

You talk so big and tough and then you write like this. Which is which?

MIKE:

Both, I guess.

TRACY:

No, I believe you put the toughness on to save your skin.

MIKE:

You think so?

TRACY:

I know a little about that.

MIKE:

Do you?

TRACY:

Quite a lot.

LIBRARIAN:

Sh! Please.

MIKE:

Oh.

TRACY:

Look, look, let's get out of here. Want to swim?

MIKE:

All right.

TRACY:

(MOVING OFF) Come on.

SOUND:

TRANSITIONAL PAUSE ... SPLASH OF WATER AS FIRST TRACY, THEN MIKE, CLIMB OUT OF SWIMMING POOL DURING FOLLOWING--

TRACY:

Towel, Connor?

MIKE:

Yeah, thanks. Boy, you've really got something here.

TRACY:

Where?

MIKE:

Well, I mean all this here -- garden, swimming pool. You could sail a small yacht on there.

TRACY:

Hey, what were we talking about?

MIKE:

Oh, my book.

TRACY:

Yeah. Tell me something, will you? When you can do a thing like that book, how can you possibly do anything else?

DEXTER:

(APPROACHES, WHISTLING, BEHIND--)

MIKE:

Well, you may not believe this, but there are people in this world that must earn their living.

TRACY:

Oh, heck that Dexter! Look, stand by me, will you? I don't want to be alone with him.

MIKE:

Well, certainly, if you like.

TRACY:

Thanks.

DEXTER:

(ENTERS) Hello there, Red.

TRACY:

Well! Fancy seeing you here.

SOUND:

DEXTER FIXES A DRINK (ICE IN GLASS, ET CETERA)

DEXTER:

Well, what's this you're drinking? Orange juice? Thanks, I'd love some.

TRACY:

Don't tell me you've forsaken your beloved whiskey and whiskey?

DEXTER:

Oh, no. No, no. No. I've just changed their color, that's all. I'm going for the pale pastel shades now. How about you, Mr. Connor? You drink, don't you?

MIKE:

Oh, a little.

DEXTER:

A little? And you're a writer? Dear me, dear me. I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. [You know, at one time I think I secretly wanted to be a writer. ...]

TRACY:

Dexter?

DEXTER:

Hm, what?

TRACY:

Would you mind doing something for me?

DEXTER:

Anything; what?

TRACY:

Get the heck out of here.

DEXTER:

Oh, my dear, dear Red; I couldn't do that. You need me too much.

TRACY:

Would you mind telling me just what it is you're hanging around for?

MIKE:

Look, I think I'd better go--

TRACY:

No, no, no, no, please don't go, Mr. Connor.

DEXTER:

No, no, no, no, please don't go, Mr. Connor. As a writer, this ought to be right up your street.

TRACY:

Don't miss a word.

DEXTER:

Well, I never saw you looking better, Red. You're getting that fine, tawny look.

TRACY:

Oh, we're going to talk about me, are we? Goody.

DEXTER:

Yes, it's astonishing - astonishing what money can do for people, Mr. Connor. Not too much, you know -- just more than enough. Now, take Tracy, for example. She even changed her shape. She was a dumpy little thing at one time.

TRACY:

Only, as it happens, I'm not interested in myself for the moment.

DEXTER:

Not interested in yourself? You're fascinated, Red. You're far and away your favorite person in the world. Of course, Mr. Connor, she's a girl who's generous to a fault. Except to other people's faults. For instance, she never had any understanding of my deep and gorgeous thirst.

TRACY:

(ANGRY) It was disgusting! It made you so unattractive!

DEXTER:

Yes, a weakness, sure, and strength is her religion, Mr. Connor. She finds human imperfection unforgivable. And when I gradually discovered that my relationship to her was supposed to be not that of a loving husband and a good companion, but that of a kind of high priest to a goddess-- (BEAT) Well, then my drinks got deeper and more frequent.

TRACY:

I never considered you as that, nor myself!

DEXTER:

You did without knowing it. (CHUCKLES) And the night that you got drunk on champagne and climbed out on the roof and stood there in your nightshirt, (CHUCKLES) with your arms out to the moon, wailing like a banshee-- (LAUGHS) ...

TRACY:

I told you I never had the slightest recollection of doing any such thing!

DEXTER:

I know, I know. You drew a blank. You wanted to. Mr. Connor, what would you--? Oh. Where did he go?

TRACY:

He's gone. I hope he heard what you said, though. Make a wonderful story for Spy.

DEXTER:

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's too bad we can't supply photographs of you on the roof.

TRACY:

Dexter, what are you trying to make me out as?

DEXTER:

Tracy, what do you fancy yourself as? When I read you were going to marry Kittredge, I couldn't believe it. That's why I'm here. How in the world can you even think of it?

TRACY:

Because he's everything you're not.

DEXTER:

Oh, yes?

TRACY:

He's been poor, he's had to work, and he's had to fight for everything. And I love him, as I never even began to love you.

DEXTER:

Maybe so, but I doubt it. I think it's just a swing from me. But Kittredge is no great tower of strength, Tracy; he's just a tower.

TRACY:

You hardly know him.

DEXTER:

Well, to hardly know him is to know him well. ... Kittredge is not for you, Red.

TRACY:

You bet he's for me! He's a great man and a good man! Already he's of national importance.

DEXTER:

Ugh. Now you sound like Spy Magazine talking.

TRACY:

You seem quite contemptuous of me all of a sudden.

DEXTER:

(MORE SYMPATHETIC) No, Red, not of you. I'm contemptuous of something inside you -- your so-called "strength," your prejudice against weakness, your blank intolerance.

TRACY:

Is that all?

DEXTER:

Well, that's the gist of it. Because you'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty. It's a pity your own foot can't slip a little some time, but your sense of divinity wouldn't allow that. You're a special class of the American female, the married maidens.

TRACY:

So help me, Dexter, if you say another word, I'll--!

DEXTER:

Oh, I'm through, Red. For the moment, I've had my say.

GEORGE:

(OFF) Tracy?

DEXTER:

Oh, look, the tower of strength. ...

GEORGE:

(CLOSER) I, er, I suppose I should object to this twosome.

DEXTER:

Well, that would be most objectionable. Well, any time either of you want my advice--

GEORGE:

We'll give you a ring, Haven.

DEXTER:

Thanks. Do that, will you? Well, so long, Red. Oh, uh, here's a little wedding present. (MOVING OFF) Sorry, I hadn't any ribbon to tie it up with. Well, so long, Kittredge.

GEORGE:

So long. (BEAT) Hm, should we open this, Tracy?

SOUND:

PACKAGE UNWRAPPED BEHIND--

TRACY:

Go ahead. I must remember to send him a note, along with the others.

GEORGE:

(SURPRISED) Well, for--!

TRACY:

What is it?

GEORGE:

Look what your friend considers a wedding present.

TRACY:

(IMPRESSED) Why, it's - it's a model of the True Love.

GEORGE:

The what?

TRACY:

(NOSTALGIC) The True Love. A boat he designed and built, practically. We sailed it down the coast of Maine and back, the summer we were married. My, she was yar.

GEORGE:

Yar? What's that mean?

TRACY:

It means-- Oh, what does it mean? Easy to handle, quick to the helm, fast, bright -- everything a boat should be. Until she develops dry rot.

MUSIC:

CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

In a moment, Mr. DeMille presents Act Two of "The Philadelphia Story." Less than twenty minutes ago, a great many of you heard Cecil Brown say, and I quote exactly, "In the far East, American bombers brought new encouragement to the courageous Chinese. The Americans swooped down on Canton airdrome in South China, and caught sixty Japanese aircraft massed on the field. The bomb bays opened and most of those Japanese aircraft are no more."

I wonder if you feel that you had anything to do with what happened there. Well, if you're a worker, perhaps the planes you worked on were in that fight. Perhaps someone in your family or one of your friends was fighting there. But how about you personally? Did you have anything to do with it? If you're buying government bonds, you did, because your dollars were fighting there and doing their utmost. Everybody can send dollars fighting!

I was at the post office the other day and it took my breath away to see that people crowd up to get their bonds -- rich man, poor man -- bringing stamps and cash for bonds. They could almost see their money go marching. There was a satisfaction, a sense of belonging, that just never comes to people that sit on the sidelines. And if you don't know that feeling, that glow, then you're missing something real. Maybe ten percent of your income is tough, but do it. And if ten percent is easy, make it more. Are we going to win this war? President Roosevelt says we can, we must, we will! Won't you say that, too -- and then make it real -- by starting to put ten percent of all you earn into war bonds?

We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

MUSIC:

LUX SIGNATURE FILLS THE PAUSE ... THEN OUT

DEMILLE:

Act Two of "The Philadelphia Story," starring Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart, Ruth Hussey, and Virginia Weidler.

MUSIC:

FOR A BRIEF INTRODUCTION ... THEN IN BG

DEMILLE:

On the eve of Tracy Lord's wedding, her ex-husband's presence is no comfort. No comfort either is Dinah, who rushes in with news of a new complication.

DINAH:

Tracy! Tracy! He came anyway; he's here right now!

TRACY: Who's here?

DINAH:

Father!

TRACY:

Father?

DEMILLE:

On the terrace, Tracy Lord faces her father and mother. In her eyes, there's nothing but scorn.

MUSIC:

OUT

MRS. LORD:

Now, Tracy, remember -- you're Uncle Willy's guest of honor tonight. You mustn't be late.

MR. LORD:

I just saw that fiancée of yours, Tracy. He roared out of here on two wheels. Does he by any chance ever walk anywhere?

TRACY: When he likes, I expect.

MR. LORD:

Hm. I have a feeling he'll take the ring tomorrow and go right through center with it.

MRS. LORD:

(CHUCKLES) Seth, you idiot.

TRACY:

(UNAMUSED) Very amusing, I'm sure. Almost as amusing as the picture of you with your arm around mother.

MR. LORD:

Oh. I find very _un_amusing the stupid, undignified spectacle we're making of ourselves for the benefit of those two newspaper people.

TRACY:

(SNIDE) Of course, inasmuch as you let us in for it in the first place--

MR. LORD:

Oh, do keep that note out of your voice, Tracy. It's most unattractive.

TRACY:

Oh? How does your dancer friend talk? Or does she purr?

MRS. LORD:

(ADMONISHES) Tracy!

TRACY:

(SAVAGE) You've got a heck of a nerve to come back here in your best "head-of-the-family" manner and strike attitudes and criticize my fiancée and give orders and mess things up generally!

MRS. LORD:

Stop! Please.

TRACY:

I can't help it! It's sickening! As if he'd done nothing at all.

MRS. LORD:

Oh, anyway, it's not your affair, Tracy. If it concerns anyone, well-- Well, actually, I - I don't know who it concerns, except your father.

MR. LORD:

That's very wise of you, Margaret. What most wives fail to realize is that their husband's philandering has nothing whatever to do with them.

TRACY: Oh? Then what has it to do with?

MR. LORD:

A reluctance to grow old, I think. I suppose the best mainstay a man can have, as he gets along in years, is a daughter. The, uh, the right kind of daughter.

TRACY:

How sweet.

MR. LORD:

Full of warmth. Full of foolish, unquestioning, uncritical affection.

TRACY:

None of which I've got?

MR. LORD:

None. You have a good mind, a pretty face. You have everything it takes to make a lovely woman, Tracy, except the one essential -- an understanding heart. Without it, you might just as well be made of bronze.

TRACY:

(STUNG) That's a-- That's an awful thing to say to anyone.

MR. LORD:

Indeed it is.

TRACY:

So, I'm to blame for Tina Mara, am I?

MR. LORD:

To some extent, I expect you are.

TRACY:

You coward!

MR. LORD:

No, but better to be one than a prig, and a perennial spinster, however many marriages.

MRS. LORD:

Seth, that's too much.

TRACY:

(STUNNED) What - what did you say I was?

MR. LORD:

You want me to repeat it?

TRACY:

(ALMOST DAZED) A prig and a--? You mean you think I think I'm some kind of a goddess or something?

MR. LORD:

If your ego wishes to call it that, yes. Come along, Margaret.

MUSIC:

DANCE TUNE ... THEN IN BG

BIZ:

PARTY GUESTS MURMUR

GEORGE:

Tracy, haven't you danced enough?

TRACY:

(INEBRIATED) Danced enough?

GEORGE:

Do you know what time it is? It's after four.

TRACY:

In China, it's later than that. In China, we'd be married by now. Or perhaps it's only yesterday.

GEORGE:

Tracy, I don't understand you tonight. What's the matter?

TRACY:

What's the matter with everybody?

GEORGE:

You never drink, Tracy.

TRACY:

You got that wrong. Prigs don't drink.

GEORGE:

What?

TRACY:

Nor spinsters.

GEORGE:

Tracy?

TRACY:

Nor goddesses of any variety.

GEORGE:

Now, Tracy, that's enough.

MIKE:

(APPROACHES, ALSO INEBRIATED) Hiya, hiya. Macauley Connor of South Bend, reporting for duty. May I cut in here?

GEORGE:

I'm sorry, Connor. We're going home after this dance.

MIKE:

Oh, now you can't do that to me, not an old friend of Junius.

TRACY:

I wish old Junius were here.

GEORGE:

Tracy, I'll get your wrap. (MOVING OFF) I'll be right back.

TRACY:

He'll wrap me up.

MIKE:

Hello, you.

TRACY:

Hello.

MIKE:

Hey, you look fine.

TRACY:

I feel fine.

MIKE:

Good, good, good. What was I saying? Oh, let's have another drink, hm? Or would Kittredge spank?

TRACY:

That's not what you were saying.

MIKE:

It is--? No, of course it wasn't.

TRACY:

(NO) Mm mm.

MIKE:

What was I saying? Oh, I know. Why do you wish your brother was here? Does he like Kittredge?

TRACY:

Everybody likes Kittredge.

MIKE:

Everybody likes Kittredge. Everybody except C. K. Dexter Haven, huh?

TRACY:

C. K. Dexter Haven.

MIKE:

Where, uh--? Where is C. K. Dexter Haven?

TRACY:

He didn't come. He's home.

MIKE:

He's home, huh?

TRACY:

(YES) Mm hm.

MIKE:

I think I'll go and have a little talk with him.

TRACY:

Come on, Connor, let's have some wine.

MIKE:

Have some wine?

TRACY:

(YES) Mm hm.

GEORGE:

(APPROACHES) Here, dear. Here's your wrap.

TRACY:

No, we're going to have just one more drink before--

GEORGE:

Not you, I'm afraid, dear.

TRACY:

Why should you be afraid, George? You know wine never affects me, not in the slightest.

MUSIC:

DANCE TUNE ... UP, FOR PUNCTUATION, THEN FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE

MIKE:

(STILL DRUNK, CALLS) C. K. Dexter Haven?! Hey! C. K. Dexter--?! Come on out, C. K. Dexter Haven!

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

DEXTER:

Hello. What's up?

MIKE:

You are. ...

DEXTER:

Well, I hope it's worth it. Come on in.

MIKE:

I bring you greetings--

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES

MIKE:

--and a bottle of champagne. Champagne is a great levelerler-- lerler-- leveler-- eveler. ... It makes you my equal.

DEXTER:

Oh, I wouldn't quite say that.

MIKE:

Well, almost my equal anyway. C. K. Dexter Haven, I would like to talk to you.

DEXTER:

Oh, all right. Well, let's go in the talking room. Now, don't tell me the party's over so soon?

MIKE:

No, no, I just felt like talking to you.

DEXTER:

Well, that's nice.

MIKE:

I wonder if I might borrow a drink?

DEXTER:

Certainly. (AMUSED CHUCKLE) Coals to New Castle. Here, here, sit down, sit down.

MIKE:

Thank you.

SOUND:

DRINK POURED ... BOTTLE ON GLASS, ET CETERA ... BEHIND FOLLOWING--

MIKE:

(BIG HICCOUGH) ...

DEXTER:

Excuse me.

MIKE:

What?

DEXTER:

Oh, nothing. Nothing.

MIKE:

Oh. ... Listen, are you still in love with Tracy Lord?

DEXTER:

What?

MIKE:

Or perhaps you consider that a very personal question.

DEXTER:

Not at all.

MIKE:

Liz thinks you are! Liz thinks you are, but of course women like to romanta-- (HICCOUGH) romanticize about things.

DEXTER:

Yes, they do, don't they?

MIKE:

Yes, they do, don't they? ... (DRINKS) You know, I can't understand how you can have been married-- (HICCOUGH) married to her and still know so little about her.

DEXTER:

Can't you?

MIKE:

No, I can't you. ... (HICCOUGH) ... (MATTER-OF-FACT) I have the hiccoughs. ...

DEXTER:

(IRONIC) No.

MIKE:

I wonder if I might have another drink?

DEXTER:

Certainly.

MIKE:

Thank you.

SOUND:

ANOTHER GLASS POURED DURING FOLLOWING--

MIKE:

You know, Tracy's no ordinary woman, and you said some things to her this afternoon that I resented.

DEXTER:

Well, I apologize, Mr. Connor.

MIKE:

That's quite all right, that's quite all right. But when a girl is like Tracy, she's one in a million. She's sort of like a - a-- Sort of like a, um--

DEXTER:

A goddess?

MIKE:

No, no. No, no, you said that this afternoon. She's sort of like a queen. (HUSHED REVERENCE) A radiant, glorious queen. And - and you can't treat her like other women.

DEXTER:

Hmm. No, I suppose not. But then I imagine Kittredge appreciates all that.

MIKE:

(DISMISSIVE) Oh, Kittredge--?! Kittredge appreciates Kittredge! That fake "man of the people"! That five-cent edition of Sidney Kidd--

DEXTER:

Hmm, I always thought Kidd himself was the five-cent kid.

MIKE:

You know, Kidd's just using you, like he uses everybody else. That guy's colossal; he's terrific; he's got everybody fooled.

DEXTER:

Yes, yes. No mean Machiavelli is smiling, cynical Sidney Kidd. The world's his oyster with an R in every month.

MIKE:

Say, that's not bad. When did I say that?

DEXTER:

You didn't. I did.

MIKE:

(DISAPPOINTED) Oh.

DEXTER:

Sorry. ...

MIKE:

I suppose you never heard of Kidd's little arrangement in Kansas City?

DEXTER:

No.

MIKE:

Or San Francisco? Well, let me tell you about the time he went to Boston. The true story of that little jaunt would ruin him.

DEXTER:

(INTERESTED) Oh, yes?

MIKE:

(YES) Mmm.

DEXTER:

Hey, look here. What would happen to you if I use that stuff?

MIKE:

Why?

DEXTER:

Well, I might want to, very much. You see, Kidd is holding an article on Tracy's father -- and this might stop him.

MIKE:

Oh, blackmail, huh? Well, look. You just use it. Use it with my blessings. I'm through anyway.

DEXTER:

All right. Now, come on, sit down there.

MIKE:

I gotta go back to Tracy.

DEXTER:

Not yet, not yet! Now, you dictate, I'll write. Now, shoot! Boston!

MIKE:

(CONFUSED) Hm? What?

DEXTER:

Boston!

MIKE:

Boston? Oh. Oh! (DICTATES, ENTHUSIASTIC) Uh, the time, May Nineteen Thirty-Eight! The place, Boston, in a hotel. Kidd has just-- (FADES OUT)

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

NOCTURNAL BACKGROUND (CRICKETS, ET CETERA)

MIKE:

(NOT AS DRUNK AS EARLIER) You know, Tracy, uh, champagne's funny stuff. I - I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey's sort of a slap on the back; champagne's a heavy mist before my eyes.

TRACY:

(ALSO SOBERER) It was nice of you to bring me home. I have a little mist, too.

MUSIC:

LOW DANCE TUNE, IN BG ... FADES OUT BY [X]

MIKE:

Hey, what's that?

TRACY:

Music. Dance?

MIKE:

(NO) Uh uh.

TRACY:

I'll tell you what, let's have a quick swim to brighten us up. Dexter and I always swam after parties.

MIKE:

(NO) Uh uh. Let's, uh, dip into some of this champagne.

TRACY:

(CHUCKLES) Hello, you.

MIKE:

Hello.

TRACY:

You look fine.

MIKE:

I feel fine.

TRACY:

Did you enjoy the party?

MIKE:

Sure, sure. The prettiest sight in this fine, pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges.

TRACY:

You're a snob, Connor.

MIKE:

No doubt. No doubt. (MOCK RECITATION) "Awash with champagne was Will Q. Tracy's pleasure dome on the nuptial eve of Tracy's--" (BEAT, SUDDENLY SERIOUS) Ah, now listen, you can't marry that guy.

TRACY:

George? I'm going to. Why not?

MIKE:

Well, I don't know, I thought I'd be for it at first, but you just don't seem to match up.

TRACY:

Then the fault's with me.

MIKE:

Well, maybe so, but, all the same, you're quite a girl, Tracy Lord.

TRACY:

You think?

MIKE:

Yeah, I know.

TRACY:

Thank you, Professor. I don't think I'm exceptional. [X]

MIKE:

Yeah, you are, though.

TRACY:

I know any number like me. You ought to get around more.

MIKE:

In the upper class? No, no, thank you.

TRACY:

What have classes to do with it? George comes from the so-called lower class; Dexter from the upper. I'll take the lower, thanks.

MIKE:

If you can't get a drawing room. ...

TRACY:

Wha - what do you mean by that?

MIKE:

My mistake.

TRACY:

You're insulting!

MIKE:

I'm sorry.

TRACY:

Oh, don't apologize.

MIKE:

Who's apologizing?

TRACY:

I never knew such a man.

MIKE:

Tracy--?

TRACY:

What do you want?

MIKE:

(BEAT, GENUINE) You're wonderful. There's a magnificence in you, Tracy.

TRACY:

Now I'm getting self-conscious. It's funny, I-- Mike?

MIKE:

Yeah?

TRACY:

Let's--

MIKE:

Yeah? Let's what?

MUSIC:

SNEAKS IN ... WARM, ROMANTIC "OVER THE RAINBOW"

TRACY:

I don't know. Go up, I guess, it's late.

MIKE:

A magnificence that comes out of your eyes and your voice, in the way you stand there, in the way you walk. You're lit from within, Tracy, you've got fires banked down in you, hearth fires and holocausts.

TRACY:

I - I don't seem to you made of bronze, then?

MIKE:

No. You're made of flesh and blood. That's the blank unholy surprise of it! You're the golden girl, Tracy. Full of life and warmth and delight, and-- Hey, what goes on here? You've got tears in your eyes.

TRACY:

Shut up, shut up. Oh, Mike, keep talking, keep talking. Talk, will you?

MIKE:

No, no, nope, I've stopped.

TRACY:

Why? Has your mind taken hold again, dear Professor?

MIKE:

All right, now lay off that Professor stuff, you hear me?

TRACY:

Yes, Professor.

MIKE:

That's really all I am to you, is it?

TRACY:

Of course, Professor.

MIKE:

You sure? Come here.

TRACY:

What're you--? Professor!

MIKE:

Are you sure?

TRACY:

Yes of course, I'm, I'm-- (MIKE KISSES TRACY) Oh--

MIKE:

Tracy--

TRACY:

(BREATHLESS, NERVOUS) Oh-- Golly. Golly Moses.

MIKE:

Tracy--

TRACY:

Mr. Connor, Mr. Connor.

MIKE:

Let me tell you something, Tracy--

TRACY:

No, don't. All of a sudden I've got the shakes.

MIKE:

Can't be anything like love, can it?

TRACY:

No, no, it mustn't be. It can't.

MIKE:

Would it be inconvenient?

TRACY:

Terribly! Anyway, I know it isn't. Oh, Mike, we're out of our minds.

MIKE:

And right into our hearts.

TRACY:

That ought to have music.

MIKE:

It does, doesn't it? Oh Tracy, you're so lovely.

TRACY:

Oh, it's as if my insteps were melting away. What is it? Have I got feet of clay or something?

MIKE:

Tracy--?

TRACY:

Mike, it's not far to the pool. It's just over the lawn and in the birch grove. It'll be lovely now.

MIKE:

Tracy, you're tremendous.

TRACY:

Put me in your pocket, Mike.

MUSIC:

"OVER THE RAINBOW" ... UP, FOR PUNCTUATION ... THEN FADES OUT

SOUND:

NOCTURNAL BACKGROUND .. DEXTER'S FOOTSTEPS ACROSS GRASS

MACK:

(CALLS) Who's that out there?

DEXTER:

(EASILY) Hello, Mack.

MACK:

Well, well, it's you, Mr. Dexter.

DEXTER:

Any prowlers around?

MACK:

No. No prowlers, sir.

DEXTER:

Can I get in this way?

MACK:

Well, if you can't, you can always go in the front, sir.

DEXTER:

Yes. Well, thanks, Mack. Good night.

MACK:

Good night, sir.

SOUND:

DEXTER'S FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE ON GRASS

GEORGE:

(OFF) Hey! (CLOSER) That you, Haven?

DEXTER:

Well, well. Hello, Kittredge.

GEORGE:

(STERN) Well, what're you doing here?

DEXTER:

Oh, I'm a friend of the family's. Didn't you know? Just dropped in for a chat.

GEORGE:

Now, don't try to be funny; I asked you a question.

DEXTER:

I could ask you the same question.

GEORGE:

Well, I telephoned Tracy and her phone didn't answer. I was worried, so I walked over from the gatehouse.

DEXTER:

(DRY) I was worried, too.

GEORGE:

About what?

DEXTER:

Well, er, what do you think of this fellow Connor? Or do you?

GEORGE:

Now listen, if you're trying to insinuate--

DEXTER:

Oh, my dear chap, I wouldn't insinuate anything, only--

MIKE:

(OFF, DRUNKENLY SINGS "OVER THE RAINBOW" ... APPROACHES DURING FOLLOWING--)

DEXTER:

Oh. (WHISTLES IN DISBELIEF)

GEORGE:

Listen. Who's that?

DEXTER:

Oh, that? Oh, well, come on, I'll walk you around the house and tell you all about it.

GEORGE:

(SUSPICIOUS) Something's going on here and I'm staying. So are you.

MIKE:

(CLOSER, STILL SINGING)

GEORGE:

(FURIOUS) Why, that-- It's that Connor! What's he doing with Tracy?

DEXTER:

Now, calm yourself; just calm down.

GEORGE:

He's carrying her in his arms! He's carrying Tracy!

MIKE:

(SEES GEORGE, ABRUPTLY STOPS SINGING) Uh oh.

TRACY:

(DRUNK, LOVINGLY) Don't stop, Mikey. Keep crooning.

MIKE:

Right here?

TRACY:

(YES) Mm hm.

MIKE:

Okay. (SINGS) "Somewhere over the rainbow--"

GEORGE:

Now, what is this--?!

DEXTER:

Now, easy, Kittredge. She's not hurt, is she, Connor?

MIKE:

No.

TRACY:

Not wounded, sire, but dead.

MIKE:

It seems the minute she hit the water, the wine hit her.

GEORGE:

Now, look here--!

DEXTER:

(FEIGNS INDIGNATION) Yes, a likely story, Connor.

MIKE:

What'd you say?

DEXTER:

I said, a likely story. Take her into the house.

MIKE:

(MILDLY OFFENDED) Now listen, if you think that a--

DEXTER:

You'll be down directly?

MIKE:

Yes, if you want.

DEXTER:

I want.

TRACY:

(NORMAL) Hello, Dexter. (DOUR, DEEP BASS) Hello, George. (LIGHT AND DIZZY) Hello, Mike.

DEXTER:

Second door to the right, Connor. Mind you don't wake Dinah up.

MIKE:

I'll be right back directly.

TRACY:

(MOVING OFF) My feet are made of clay, made of clay, did you know?

GEORGE:

Oh, this is horrible!

DEXTER:

Yes. How are the mighty fallen. (CHUCKLES) But if I know Tracy, she won't remember much of this. For the second time in her life, she'll draw quite a tidy blank.

GEORGE:

Oh?

DEXTER:

You don't believe it, do you?

GEORGE:

Believe what?

DEXTER:

Well, the - the implications of what you saw, let us say.

GEORGE:

Well, what else am I to believe?

DEXTER:

Well, that's entirely up to you.

GEORGE:

I've got eyes! I've got imagination, haven't I?

DEXTER:

I don't know. Have you?

GEORGE:

Oh, so you pretend not to believe it.

DEXTER:

Yes, I pretend not to.

GEORGE:

Then you don't know women.

DEXTER:

That's possible.

GEORGE:

And you're a fool.

DEXTER:

Well, that's quite possible. Now, now, you won't be too hard on her, will you?

GEORGE:

I'll make up my own mind what I'll do.

DEXTER:

Well, we're all only human, you know.

GEORGE:

(WITH DISGUST) You -- all of you -- with your sophisticated ideas.

DEXTER:

Yes, ain't it awful? (CHUCKLES) ...

MIKE:

(APPROACHES) Well, I'm back. What do you want to do about it?

GEORGE:

Why, you low, sneaky--

DEXTER:

I'll take care of this, Kittredge.

SOUND:

DEXTER PUNCHES MIKE ... MIKE FALLS DOWN

MIKE:

Ooh!

GEORGE:

Say, listen, Haven, this is my affair! What right have you to--?

DEXTER:

A husband's! (DISMISSING HIM) Now, till tomorrow. You can go now, Kittredge. I'll handle the rest of it, too.

GEORGE:

(UNHAPPY, MOVING OFF) I'll speak to you tomorrow, Haven.

DEXTER:

Sure, sure. (BEAT) Well, uh--

MIKE:

(GROANS)

DEXTER:

Hey, Connor, come on, wake up, come on. How do you feel?

MIKE:

Now look, if you think that I--

DEXTER:

I know, I know. I'm sorry, but I-- I thought I better hit you before he did. He's in better shape than I am.

MIKE:

Oh, yes. ... Well, you'll do.

MACK:

(OFF) Mr. Dexter! Mr. Dexter! (CLOSER) Is there anything wrong, sir?

DEXTER:

No, not a thing, Mack. Just as quiet as a church.

MACK:

Who's that lying there?

DEXTER:

That's Mr. Connor, Mack.

MACK:

Oh, doggone, I thought it might have been Mr. Kittredge.

DEXTER:

Oh, well now, we can't have everything, Mack. Good night.

MACK:

Good night, sir.

MUSIC:

CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

After a brief intermission, we'll hear the third act of "The Philadelphia Story."

If you've started buying war bonds, perhaps you haven't figured that what you're doing for your country is working out to your own best interests, too. But it is. And there's nothing unpatriotic about the fact that these bonds are a gilt-edged investment, too, as Mrs. Brown here knows. Do you mind, Mrs. Brown, revealing your personal affairs?

MRS. BROWN:

No, I don't. Our income is thirty-five dollars a week. It's quite a sacrifice to put ten percent of that into war bonds, but I told my husband that we'll save quite a bit of money.

ANNOUNCER:

Indeed you will. That's been carefully figured. Ten percent of thirty-five dollars is three dollars and fifty cents a week, fifty cents a day. If you buy stamps and bonds at that rate for five years, you'll have bonds worth, at maturity, over one thousand, two hundred dollars. That'll buy you the finest car you ever drove, when the war is won.

MRS. BROWN:

And this is one of the safest investments in the world, isn't it?

ANNOUNCER:

Yes. These bonds are backed by the entire resources of the United States government. You're going to get back four dollars cash for every three dollars you put in.

MRS. BROWN:

That's a lot.

ANNOUNCER:

Yes, but there are a few people who are thinking up reasons to excuse themselves for not buying these bonds. If you're one of them, your soldiers ask you to stop figuring why you can't buy them, and start to find out how you can. Put ten percent of your pay every payday into war bonds. Set your mind on victory and buy United States war bonds starting -- now! (BEAT) Our producer, Mr. DeMille.

DEMILLE:

The curtain rises on the third act of "The Philadelphia Story."

MUSIC:

CHEERFUL INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND DEMILLE--

DEMILLE:

The wedding day has dawned bright and fair, and the events of the wedding eve are a thing of the past. Particularly for Tracy. She can't remember anything; she can't think of anything; without propping her eyes open with her fingers, she can't even see anything. To comfort her in this predicament comes the little old comforter, Dinah.

DINAH:

How do you feel, Tracy?

TRACY:

(UNCONVINCING) Oh, fine.

DINAH:

You look horrible.

TRACY:

I know.

DINAH:

Tracy, I hate you to get married and go away.

TRACY:

I'll miss you, darling. I'll miss all of you.

DINAH:

You know, I had the funniest dream about you last night.

TRACY:

Did you?

DINAH:

I dreamed I got up and went over to the window. And guess what I dreamed I saw coming out of the woods.

TRACY:

I haven't the faintest idea. A skunk? ...

DINAH:

Well-- Well, sort of. It was Mr. Connor.

TRACY:

Mr. Connor?

DINAH:

Yes. With his both arms full of something. And guess what it turned out to be!

TRACY:

What?

DINAH:

You. ...

TRACY:

(UNNERVED, SHE CAN'T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED) Me? Mr. Connor was--?

DINAH:

Carrying you. Wasn't it funny? It looked sort of like you were coming from the pool.

TRACY:

The pool? I'm going crazy. I'm standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy. Then what?

DINAH:

Then, after a while, I opened my door a crack and there he was in the hall, still coming along with you, puffing like a steam engine. His wind can't be very good.

TRACY:

Then what?

DINAH:

Well, then he-- Guess.

TRACY:

(MISERABLE) I couldn't possibly.

DINAH:

Then he just sailed right into your room with you. And that scared me, so I got up and went to your door and peeked in to make sure you were all right. And guess what!

TRACY:

(FEARFUL) What?

DINAH:

(NONCHALANT) You were. He was gone by then. ...

TRACY:

Gone? Of course he was gone. He was never there.

DINAH:

(WISELY) I know, Tracy.

TRACY:

Well, I should certainly hope you did.

DINAH:

It was just a dream -- I guess. Tracy, Dexter says so, too.

TRACY:

Dexter! Dinah Lord, you little fiend, if you've told Dext--!

MIKE:

(OFF) Morning.

TRACY:

(AWKWARD) Oh, hello.

MIKE:

(TAKES A DEEP BREATH, THEN EXPLAINS) I'm testing the air. ... I like it, but it doesn't like me. Well, hello, Dinah.

DINAH:

How do you do, Mr. Connor?

TRACY:

(NERVOUS, CAREFUL) Did you have a good sleep?

MIKE:

Wonderful. Wonderful. You?

TRACY:

Marvelous. Have you ever seen a handsomer day?

MIKE:

Never. Never. What'd it set you back?

TRACY:

I got it for nothing for being a good girl.

MIKE:

(AWKWARD PAUSE) Well, uh, Dinah, how're you?

DINAH:

Don't worry. I'm going.

TRACY:

Why should you?

DINAH:

Well, I guess you must have things you wish to discuss. (MOVING OFF) Only remember, it's getting late.

TRACY:

She's always trying to make situations.

MIKE:

Oh. (AWKWARD PAUSE) Well.

TRACY:

Well. What's the matter with your chin?

MIKE:

Oh, uh-- What? Does it show very much?

TRACY:

A little. What happened?

MIKE:

Well, I guess I stuck it out too far. ...

TRACY:

Into a door, in the dark?

MIKE:

Yes, yes, that's it. Well, Tracy, what about you? You all right?

TRACY:

Me?

MIKE:

Yeah.

TRACY:

Oh, of course. Why shouldn't I be? I - I had a simply wonderful evening. I hope you enjoyed it, too.

MIKE:

I enjoyed the last part of it.

TRACY:

(TENSE) Really? Why especially the last? ...

MIKE:

Well, uh, Tracy, are you - you asking me?

TRACY:

Oh, you mean the swim.

MIKE:

Ah. Yes.

TRACY:

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) We did swim. (SLOWLY) And so forth, didn't we?

MIKE:

Yes. ... We did. (WARMLY) Oh, Tracy darling--

TRACY:

(ALARMED) Mike!

MIKE:

What can I say to you? Tell me, darling.

TRACY:

Not anything; don't say anything, and especially not "darling."

MIKE:

Then you're going through with it, huh?

TRACY:

(PUZZLED) Through with what?

MIKE:

With the wedding.

TRACY:

Why shouldn't I?

MIKE:

Well, you said last night--

TRACY:

Oh, I said a lot of things last night, it seems.

MIKE:

Okay, no dice. Also no regrets about last night, huh?

TRACY:

(ALARMED AGAIN) Why should I have?

MIKE:

Well--

TRACY:

(FRENZIED) You don't know what I mean. I'm asking you; tell me straight out. Tell me the reason why I should have, have-- (ABRUPT ABOUT-FACE) No, don't; don't tell me anything! ...

MIKE:

All right.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

DEXTER:

Come on now, Red. Drink this down; doctor's orders.

TRACY:

What is it?

DEXTER:

Just the juice of a few flowers. It's a type of stinger. It removes the sting.

TRACY:

Oh, Dext, don't say that.

DEXTER:

Well, why not, Red?

TRACY:

Nothing will, nothing ever can. Oh, Dexter, I've done the most terrible thing to you.

DEXTER:

To me? Oh, I doubt that; I doubt it very much, dear.

TRACY: Dext, what am I going to do?

DEXTER:

Why ask me, darling? Where do I come into it any more? Aren't you confusing me with someone else? A fellow named Kittredge or something.

TRACY:

(REALIZES) George! I've got to tell him.

DEXTER:

Tell him what, darling?

TRACY:

I've got to tell him!

DEXTER:

Well, if you've got to tell him, you've got to tell him, I suppose. ... But if he's got any brains at all he'll have realized by now what a fool he made of himself.

TRACY:

When?

DEXTER:

Last night.

TRACY:

Was he here, too?

DEXTER:

Sure.

TRACY:

Good golly, why didn't you sell tickets?! ... Say something, Dext. Say anything.

DEXTER:

No, no. You do.

TRACY:

Oh, Dext, I'm such an unholy mess of a girl.

DEXTER:

Oh, now, that's no good. That's not even conversation.

TRACY:

But, never in my life -- not if I live to be a hundred -- will I ever forget how you tried to stand me on my feet again today.

DEXTER:

(CHUCKLES) Go on, you're in great shape. Tell me, uh, what did you think of my wedding present? I like my presents at least acknowledged, you know.

TRACY:

(QUIET, GENUINE) It was beautiful.

DEXTER:

Yeah?

TRACY:

And sweet, Dext.

DEXTER:

Yes, yes, she was quite a boat, the True Love, wasn't she? My, she was yar.

TRACY:

She was yar, all right. I wasn't, was I?

DEXTER:

(CHUCKLES) Not very. Oh, you were good at the bright work, though.

TRACY:

I made her shine.

DEXTER:

Mm hm. I'm designing another one now, along more practical lines.

TRACY:

What'll you call her?

DEXTER:

I thought "The True Love Second."

TRACY:

(WITH PASSION) Dexter, if you call any boat that, I promise you I'll blow you and it out of the water! I'll tell you what you can call her, if you like.

DEXTER:

What, darling?

TRACY:

In fond remembrance of me -- "The Easy Virtue."

DEXTER:

Now, now, shut up, Red. I can't have you thinking things like that about yourself.

TRACY:

Well, what am I supposed to think when I--? Oh, I don't know, I don't know anything anymore.

DEXTER:

Oh, well now, that sounds very hopeful, Red. Mm, that sounds just fine.

MRS. LORD:

(APPROACHES) Tracy, we're almost ready. Stand up, dear. Let me see your dress.

TRACY:

Mother, I--

MRS. LORD:

Oh, look, dear, it's lovely! George will be right over. Oh, here, I forgot, here's a note he sent you this morning.

TRACY:

A note?

SOUND:

TRACY GRABS ENVELOPE AND OPENS IT

MRS. LORD:

Good morning, Mr. Connor. Hello, Miss Imbrie.

MIKE:

Good morning.

LIZ:

Good morning.

MRS. LORD:

By the way, Dexter, a Mr. Sidney Kidd telephoned. I was to tell you that "you win." What ever on Earth does that mean?

DEXTER:

(PLEASED) Fine!

MIKE:

Well, I have a feeling it won't be so hard for me to resign now.

LIZ:

And belts will be worn tighter this winter.

DEXTER:

Well, well, Red, I, er, I'm afraid this is the deadline.

TRACY:

(HER OLD COOL SELF) So is this. Listen, everybody. It's from George. (READS) "My dear Tracy, I want you to know that you will always be my friend, but your conduct last night was so shocking to my ideals of womanhood that my attitude toward you and the prospect of a happy and beautiful life together has been changed materially."

GEORGE:

(INDIGNANT) Tracy!

TRACY:

Oh, hello, George. Come and listen.

GEORGE:

Tracy, in front of all these people?

TRACY:

It's only a letter from a friend. They're my friends, too. Here's the last of it. (READS) "Your breech of common decency certainly entitles me to a full explanation before going through with our proposed marriage. In the light of day, I am sure that you will agree with me." (BEAT, SADLY) Yes, George, I quite agree with you.

GEORGE:

That's all you have to say?

TRACY:

What else?

GEORGE:

On the very eve of your wedding, an affair with another man!

MIKE:

Oh, now wait just a minute. Kittredge, it may interest you to know that this so-called affair consisted of exactly two kisses and a rather late swim.

TRACY:

Thanks, Mike, but there's no need to defend me.

MIKE:

After which, I deposited Tracy in her room and promptly returned down here to you two, which doubtless you'll remember.

DEXTER:

Doubtless without a doubt.

GEORGE:

(SURPRISED) You - you mean to say that was all there was to it?

MIKE:

I do.

TRACY:

Why? Was I so unattractive? So distant? So forbidding or something that you--?

GEORGE:

(OFFENDED) Well, this is fine talk, too!

TRACY:

I'm asking a question.

MIKE:

You were extremely attractive, but you were also a little worse, or better, for wine, and there are rules about that.

TRACY:

(IMPRESSED) Thank you, Mike. I think men are wonderful.

LIZ:

(VERY DRY) The little dears. ...

GEORGE:

(STIFFLY) Then if it hadn't been for the drink last night, all this might not have happened?

TRACY:

Apparently, nothing did. What made you think it had?

GEORGE:

Well, I'm not going to quibble, Tracy. Let bygones be bygones. Now, what do you say?

TRACY:

(SLOWLY) Yes. And goodbye, George.

GEORGE:

I don't understand.

TRACY:

Please, goodbye. You're too good for me, George; you're a hundred times too good.

GEORGE:

But I--

TRACY:

And I'd make you most unhappy, most. That is, I'd do my best to. ...

GEORGE:

All right. Possibly it's just as well.

DEXTER:

Yes, I thought you'd finally come to that conclusion.

GEORGE:

I have a feeling you had more to do with this than anyone.

DEXTER:

Possibly, but you were a great help.

GEORGE:

You and your rotten class!

DEXTER:

Oh, class, my eye.

GEORGE:

You're on your way out, the lot of you! And good riddance!

MIKE:

Well, there goes George.

MUSIC:

ORGAN ... FOR A WEDDING

DINAH:

Hey, come on! They're waiting for you!

TRACY:

(ALARMED) Oh, my sainted aunt!

DEXTER:

Well, don't just stand there, you'd better think of something.

MUSIC:

ORGAN ... UP, FILLS A PAUSE, THEN CONTINUES IN BG

SOUND:

WEDDING CROWD MURMURS

TRACY:

Shut that door! Shut the door!

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS, MUFFLING THE CROWD

TRACY:

Dext, did you see them out there? That welter of faces.

DEXTER:

My, they look solemn.

TRACY:

What in the name of all that's holy am I to do?

MIKE:

Tracy?

TRACY:

Yes, Mike?

MIKE:

Now look, I got you into this thing and I'll get you out of it. Will you marry me, Tracy?

TRACY:

(BEAT) No, Mike. Thanks, but-- (NO) Mm mm. Nope.

MIKE:

Why not?

TRACY:

Because - because I don't think Liz would like it, and I'm not sure you would, and I'm even a little doubtful about myself. But I am beholden to you, Mike, I'm most beholden.

MIKE:

But they're in there, they're waiting!

LIZ:

Mike, don't get too conventional all at once, will you? There'll be a reaction.

DEXTER:

Come on, cheer up, Red, it'll be all right. You've been got out of jams before.

MRS. LORD:

Tracy?

TRACY:

Mother?

MRS. LORD:

It's all right, dear. Your father will make a very simple announcement.

MR. LORD:

Is there anything special you want me to say, Tracy?

TRACY:

No, no, I'll say it. Whatever it is, I'll say it. I won't be got out of anything any more, thanks. Tell them to stop the music.

DEXTER:

Tracy, listen.

TRACY:

Dext, what can I say?

DEXTER:

Just open that door and-- Go ahead, I'll prompt you.

TRACY:

All right.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS ... CROWD MURMURS, THEN QUIETS BEHIND--

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) Ladies and gentlemen-- (LOW) Dext? Well, Dext?

MUSIC:

ORGAN STOPS

DEXTER:

(LOW, TO TRACY) Ladies and gentlemen, two years ago, I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping to Maryland.

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) Two years ago, you were invited to a wedding in this house, and then I did you out of it by eloping to Maryland.

DEXTER:

(LOW) Right. Which was very bad manners.

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) Which was very bad manners.

DEXTER:

(LOW) But I hope to make it up to you, by going through with it now as originally planned.

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) But I hope to make it up to you by go-- (BEAT, PLEASED, DREAMY) By going beautifully through with it now as originally and most beautifully planned.

DEXTER:

(LOW) So if you'll just keep your seats for a minute--

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) So if you'll just keep your seats a minute--

DEXTER:

(LOW) That's all.

TRACY:

(TO CROWD) That's all!

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS

TRACY:

Dext, are you sure?

DEXTER:

Not in the least, but I'll risk it. Will you? ...

TRACY:

Yes. You bet. You didn't do it just to soften the blow?

DEXTER:

Oh, no, Tracy.

TRACY:

Nor to save my face?

DEXTER:

Oh, it's a nice little face.

TRACY:

Oh, Dext, I'll be yar now, I promise to be yar.

DEXTER:

You be whatever you like; you're my redhead. Now are you all set?

TRACY:

All set.

DEXTER: Will you be best man, Mike?

MIKE:

Honored, C. K.

TRACY:

Maid of honor, Liz?

LIZ:

Matron of honor; remember Joe Smith.

TRACY:

Oh, how did this ever happen?

DEXTER:

Well, come on, let's get in there! See you soon, Red.

TRACY:

See you soon, Dext.

MR. LORD:

Tracy darling!

TRACY:

I love you, Father.

MR. LORD:

I love you, too, Tracy.

MUSIC:

ORGAN ... FOR WEDDING ... THEN IN BG

TRACY:

Never in my life have I been so full of love before.

MR. LORD:

Come along, come along.

TRACY:

Wait. Wow do I look?

MR. LORD:

Like a queen. Like a goddess.

TRACY:

And do you know how I feel?

MR. LORD:

How?

TRACY:

Like a human. Like a human being.

MUSIC:

ORCHESTRA JOINS ORGAN FOR WEDDING MARCH ... TO A FINISH

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

And so, all America applauds "The Philadelphia Story" -- and Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart, and Ruth Hussey. Each contributed time and talent to this radio effort to help win the war. And as we look out on the world tonight, we find that the war has indeed reached a crisis. Jimmy Stewart-- I mean Lieutenant Stewart, what's your personal slant on our part in the war?

STEWART:

Well, sir, in the army, we'd like to see everyone stop criticizing our allies in England. The next time, stop before you talk and ask yourself, what have I done that gives me the right to criticize people who fought for three years as bravely as the English?

DEMILLE:

(THOUGHTFUL) Hm.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

You wouldn't have to bring that up, Jimmy, if everyone realized that, above all, the enemy wants to see our side divided. And now, Cary Grant.

GRANT:

Well, C. B., if I could visit everyone listening tonight, I'd want to convince them of just one thing, that we've all got to win this war together! And, by we, I mean the Russians, the Chinese, the English, and the Americans! You know, a very wise American, Benjamin Franklin, once said, "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

DEMILLE:

As true today as it was a hundred and sixty years ago, Cary.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

Now, here's Katharine Hepburn.

HEPBURN:

I think I would like to ask every mother if she's heard of the crime of Lidice (PRONOUNCED LEED-i-say). That's the village in Czechoslovakia where every man was killed by the Nazis (PRONOUNCED NAT-zees). I would ask her to imagine a knock at her door tonight -- a knock and a door crashing in. A father and his son dragged out to be shot. The girl and the mother scattered in cruel concentration camps, never to see each other again. I would say to that mother, if our side doesn't win this war, you can cross out the name of Lidice and write in the name of Middletown, U.S.A.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

That crime will be remembered, Katharine. Miss Ruth Hussey.

HUSSEY:

It must be clear by now, to all Americans, that you can't compromise with the men responsible for Lidice. But I've heard people say that we'd be better off if we could make peace with Hitler now. Isn't it plain by now that we must win or surrender? And if we surrender, isn't it plain what we can expect?

DEMILLE:

(THOUGHTFUL) Hm.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

It's too plain. There can be no compromise. There is just one long fight -- one united fight, shoulder to shoulder with each other and with our valiant allies. But at the end of the road, there's something worth fighting for -- a world where you and your family can live in peace and freedom.

GRANT:

Yes, C. B., in the world we knew before and will know again. By the way, what is THE VICTORY THEATER planning for next week?

DEMILLE:

Well, next week's VICTORY THEATER will come from New York, Cary, and one of the Columbia network's most popular programs will take over for the evening. It's "Hit Parade," with Barry Wood, Joan Edwards, Mark Warnow's Orchestra and the Hit Paraders, in the leading popular song hits of the week -- the same show millions enjoy every Saturday night.

STEWART:

It's been a very great privilege for me to have a part on the first VICTORY THEATER program, Mr. DeMille. Good night, sir.

GRANT:

Good night, sir.

HEPBURN:

Good night.

HUSSEY:

Good night.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

DEMILLE:

Good night. Good night. This was a brilliant opening night. Good luck, Lieutenant.

MUSIC:

LUX THEME ... TILL END

DEMILLE:

Our sponsor, the United States government, joins me in inviting you to listen again next Monday night when the VICTORY THEATER presents "The Hit Parade," with Barry Wood, Joan Edwards, Mark Warnow's Orchestra and the Hit Paraders. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

Ladies and gentlemen, THE VICTORY THEATER is your theater, a rallying place where you can meet with your fellow Americans and with your government each Monday night. We shall play certain true facts about the war before you each week. We shall ask you to do something about those facts and on what you do may depend the safety of your home and the lives of those you love.

The United States government thanks the Columbia Broadcasting System and all who contributed their services to tonight's VICTORY THEATER. Heard in tonight's play were Nicholas Joy as Seth, Janet Beecher as Margaret, Gale Gordon as George, and Leo Cleary, Charles Seel, Norman Field, Verna Felton, Bruce Payne and Sandra Coles. Our music tonight was directed by Louis Silvers. Your announcer has been John M. Kennedy.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE