Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Columbia Workshop
Show: Now Playing Tomorrow
Date: Jan 30 1939

CAST:
WILLI
MR. WUMPLE, his father
MRS. WUMPLE, his mother
POLLY, his girl
MINISTER
FIVE SECRETARIES
BUTLER
MAITRE D'
DANCER
1ST MAN
SIXTH SECRETARY
THE SIX REPORTERS
1ST ANNOUNCER
VOICES OF THE CROWD
2ND ANNOUNCER, Sam Glumph
DAPHNE (1 line)
HUNKA (2 lines)
GLORIANNA (1 line)
DeLACEY (1 line)
ALICE (2 lines)
ANITRA (1 line)
PRESIDENT, of the movie studio
THE CHORUS
VOICE (1 line)
GIRL (1 line)
NURSE
ANNOUNCER

WILLI:

(COLD OPEN) They all say I'm crazy, but, I'm not. At least I don't think I am.

ORCHESTRA:

XYLOPHONE GLISS AND TROMBONE LAUGH

ANNOUNCER:

The Columbia Workshop presents "Now Playing Tomorrow," an original radio play by Arthur Laurents. Mr. Laurents, a newcomer to radio, is a student in the class of Radio Writing in the Division of General Education at New York University conducted by William N. Robson, who is directing tonight's broadcast. The Columbia Workshop presents "Now Playing Tomorrow."

MUSIC:

HARP AND FLUTE ... CONTINUE UNDER, THEN FADE

WILLI:

I know everything that's going to happen to me as sure as I know my name. It's William Wumple. Honest. I - I haven't built any houses yet, but I'm an architect. A good one, too; a d--, uh, darn good one. And I'm gonna be a success. I'm going to win first prize in the Cleveland Architectural Exposition. Honest I am. I know it. I - I know my whole future, I have known it ever since I had a dream when the angel came. I could tell he was an angel, of course, by his wings and his bare feet. Well, anyway, this angel said I could have what I wanted most in the world. Well, I wanted to know my future, so I asked for that. And when I woke up, I did know my future. That's how I know I'm going to win that Cleveland prize.

MR. W.:

You're nuts.

MRS. W.:

Herbert L. Wumple, that's a fine way to talk to your only child.

WILLI:

Now, mother, you mustn't get upset. You can't blame dad. After all, he didn't hear the angel.

MR. W.:

Well, you know how I feel about those men who fly around.

MRS. W.:

Don't listen to him, William.

WILLI:

Oh, I'll answer it! (FADES) I know it's Polly.

MR. W.:

What?!

MRS. W.:

Huh?

SOUND:

DOOR BELL RINGS

MRS. W.:

Herbert, I know Willi is going to win that prize.

MR. W.:

I suppose a little angel told you so.

POLLY:

(APPROACHING) Hello, everybody!

MRS. W.:

Hello, Polly.

POLLY:

Well, how are the proud parents of the prize winner?

MR. W.:

Now, Polly, that's hitting below the belt.

WILLI:

Well, Polly, you believe I'm going to win, don't you?

POLLY:

Of course, you are, darling.

WILLI:

And you don't think I'm crazy, do you?

MR. W.:

She's crazy if she marries you.

POLLY:

Willi darling, I--

WILLI:

Wait. You do think I'm crazy?

POLLY:

No, darling. Not permanently.

WILLI:

Aw, poor Polly. I - I - I know how you must feel, darling, and I'm sorry. I - I guess if I were in your position, I'd think I was crazy, too.

POLLY:

(WITH A CHUCKLE) Willie, there's nothing radically wrong with you. It's just that -- well, worry over getting a job has made you a little - unsteady.

MR. W.:

Unsteady? He's a screwball if I ever saw one.

MRS. W.:

Herbert! Your own son!

MR. W.:

I know he's my own son. Why do you think I haven't let him out of the house for the past two weeks? I'm afraid the neighbors might find out.

POLLY:

Well, you'll have to let him out tonight. We're going downtown to buy him a winter coat.

WILLI:

I won't need one, Polly.

POLLY:

Now, Willi, you're going to lose your reputation if you start predicting the weather.

WILLI:

But, Polly, I won't need a coat.

MRS. W.:

Willi, don't be obstinate.

MR. W.:

He isn't obstinate; he just knows summer is coming in six months.

WILLI:

Well, if you must know, I won't need a coat because I'll be in California.

POLLY:

Huh?

MR. W.:

You what?

WILLI:

I'm sorry, Dad, but I will. I can't help it. I just know.

MR. W.:

(SARCASTICALLY) You can't help it. You just know.

WILLI:

Yes.

MR. W.:

Well, maybe you know what I'm gonna have for lunch tomorrow?

WILLI:

(PATIENTLY) Well, Dad, I told you I only know what's going to happen to me.

MR. W.:

(SNAPS) Then what are you havin' for lunch tomorrow?

WILLI:

Well-- Tomato juice, split pea soup, pork chops with mashed potatoes--

SOUND:

DOOR BELL RINGS

POLLY:

Oh-oh, save the dessert till I answer the door.

WILLI:

All right, dear. (CALLS AFTER, MELODICALLY) It's a telegram!

MRS. W:

(THOUGHTFULLY) Are you sure about the pork chops, Willi?

MR. W.:

Now, don't quibble, Emily. Pork chops he says and pork chops you'll buy.

POLLY:

(APPROACHING) Well, it's a telegram for you, Willi.

WILLI:

Uh huh. Well, you can read it; I know what it says.

MR. W.:

All right, young man, we'll end this nonsense once and for all! Suppose you tell us what the telegram says before we open it!

WILLI:

Well, I've been expecting it, Dad. It's from the Cleveland Exposition and it says I won first prize.

MRS. W.:

Oh, congratulations, darling!

WILLI:

Well, thank you.

POLLY:

Would anyone object if I read it?

MR. W.:

I should say not! We'll put an end to this foolishness. Read it, Polly.

POLLY:

Um, it says, uh-- Well, for Pete's sake. It says: "We are happy to inform you that (WILLI JOINS IN) you have been awarded first prize in the Cleveland Architectural Exposition."

MRS. W.:

Well, Herbert?

POLLY:

Well, you don't suppose we're crazy, do you?

MRS. W.:

Speech, William darling, we want a speech.

WILLI:

(DIZZY) What? Oh. Oh, my goodness!

SOUND:

BODY FALLS

POLLY:

Willi? Willi? Oh, get a glass of water; he's fainted!

MRS. W.:

Oh, gracious! Get some water, Herbert.

MR. W.:

You'll have to excuse me.

MRS. W.:

Where are you going?

MR. W.:

To bed.

MRS. W.:

To bed? At this hour? Oh, Herbert, are you crazy?

MR. W.:

Not yet, but I've got a date with an angel.

MUSIC:

HARP AND LAUGHING HORN ... UP AND INTO BG FOR FOLLOWING SEQUENCE

MRS. W.:

I know, William, but you ought to put the prize money into the bank.

WILLI:

Well, I won't need it, Mom. I'm getting a job.

POLLY:

You wouldn't know just when, would you?

MR. W.:

Leave him alone, Polly, and eat your pork chops.

MRS. W.:

Oh, but, William, they're offering you thirty-five dollars a week.

WILLI:

Well, I'm not going to work in New York.

MR. W.:

Why not?

WILLI:

Well, because I'm getting a better offer from California.

MRS. W.:

I thought we'd go up to the mountains for the holidays.

WILLI:

I'm sorry. You'll have to count me out, Mother.

MRS. W.:

But why, Willi?

MR. W & POLLY:

Because he'll be in California!

WILLI:

Thanks, folks.

MUSIC:

UP ... CELESTE HARP ... BRIEF BRIDGE, OUT ON THREE CHORDS

POLLY:

(IN RHYTHM SET BY THE CHORDS) No. No. No.

WILLI:

But I know you're going to marry me.

POLLY:

No!

WILLI:

Listen, Polly, be sane, darling. Now, you love me, don't you?

POLLY:

Yes.

WILLI:

And you know I love you.

POLLY:

Yes.

WILLI:

And you know I'm not crazy.

POLLY:

Yes--no--oh, I don't know.

WILLI:

But I said I'd win the prize and I did.

POLLY:

Oh, Willi darling, just because you won that fool prize you think you know everything.

WILLI:

No, I - I don't, sweet. I just know what's going to happen to me.

POLLY:

All right, to you then. But don't you see, Willi--?

WILLI:

What?

POLLY:

Oh, nothing; forget it.

WILLI:

Then you will marry me?

POLLY:

No.

WILLI:

But, Polly--

POLLY:

Look, Willi. Love has a very fine hand for a wedding ring but a very poor one for writing checks.

WILLI:

So?

POLLY:

So you've got your prize money. Period.

WILLI:

Ohhh, darling, you don't think I'm asking you to marry me on that, do you? Why, I'm going to be a very successful architect in a few years. I'm getting a big offer any day now from a firm in California.

POLLY:

Don't say that word!

WILLI:

But that's where I'm going, Polly. And you're going with me as my wife. I know.

POLLY:

Willi, are you asking me or are you telling me?

WILLI:

I'm telling you, but I'm asking you, to be polite.

POLLY:

Willi, Willi, you are impossible. But I will marry you.

WILLI:

(PLEASED) Oh, Polly!

POLLY:

If and when that offer comes from the coast.

WILLI:

Promise?

POLLY:

Why not? What have I got to lose?

ORCHESTRA:

"THE WEDDING MARCH" FROM LOHENGRIN ... MUSIC DOWN AS MINISTER COMES IN ... THEN FADES

MINISTER:

Do you, Willi, promise to take this woman to be [X] your lawfully wedded wife? And do you promise before God and these witnesses to love, honor and cherish her in joy and sorrow, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in adversity throughout your life, to keep her with you, to watch over and protect her for the remainder of your days ...

BIZ:

FOLLOWING CONVERSATION OVERLAPS WITH ABOVE STARTING AT [X]

WILLI:

Polly--

POLLY:

Shhh.

WILLI:

But, Polly--

POLLY:

Willi, please.

WILLI:

But, darling, do you--?

POLLY:

No, I don't think you're crazy, now be quiet.

WILLI:

Thanks. But I've got to tell you something.

POLLY:

Can't it wait?

WILLI:

No. We're going to have--

POLLY:

Willi!

WILLI:

Oh, no, no, dear. We're going to have a divorce.

POLLY:

What?! Do you mean--? Do you--?

WILLI:

I DO!

MINISTER:

... until death do you part?

WILLI:

I - I - I mean, I do, yes.

MINISTER:

And do you, Polly, promise to take this man [Y] to be your lawfully wedded husband? And do you promise before God and these witnesses to love, honor and cherish him in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in adversity throughout your life? To keep him with you, to watch over and protect him, for the remainder of your days ...

BIZ:

FOLLOWING CONVERSATION OVERLAPS WITH ABOVE STARTING AT [Y]

POLLY:

Willi?

WILLI:

Shhh.

POLLY:

Don't shush me.

WILLI:

Now, darling--

POLLY:

But what made you say that?

WILLI:

I just saw it, Polly.

POLLY:

Saw what?

WILLI:

That you're gonna divorce me.

POLLY:

Well, that's nice news for a bride. You wouldn't know just when, would you?

WILLI:

Well, now, I think--

POLLY:

You just stop thinking because we're getting that divorce right now!

WILLI:

But, Polly--!

POLLY:

In fact, we're not getting married!

WILLI:

You can't say that.

POLLY:

Oh, yes I can!

WILLI:

But you aren't serious.

POLLY:

I certainly am!

WILLI:

Well, you can't want to call it off.

MINISTER:

... till death do you part?

POLLY:

I MOST CERTAINLY DO!

WILLI:

But I - I know that we're gonna be married.

POLLY:

You've got another guess coming.

WILLI:

I'm not guessing. I know it.

MINISTER:

I now pronounce you man and wife.

WILLI:

See?

POLLY:

(DEADLY) William Wumple, the trouble with you is you know too much.

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME" ... THEN FADES OUT DURING FOLLOWING--

BIZ:

IN FOLLOWING SEQUENCE, EACH TELEPHONE BELL AND SECRETARY'S VOICE IS HIGHER PITCHED THAN THE PRECEDING

SOUND:

FIRST TELEPHONE BELL

1ST SEC.:

Beeten, Button, Minklehoss and Gurp. Good morning. Mr. Wumple? I'll connect you.

SOUND:

SECOND TELEPHONE BELL

2ND SEC.:

Beeton, Button, Minklehoss and Wumple. Good morning. Mr. Wumple? Just a moment.

SOUND:

THIRD TELEPHONE BELL

3RD SEC.:

Beeten, Wumple and Button. Good morning. Mr. Wumple? He's busy.

SOUND:

FOURTH TELEPHONE BELL

4TH SEC.:

Beeten and Wumple. Good morning. Mr. Wumple? He's in conference.

SOUND:

FIFTH TELEPHONE BELL

5TH SEC.:

Wumple, Incorporated. Good morning. Mr. Wumple? I'll give you his secretary.

SECRETARIES:

(VOICES FOLLOW IN RAPID SUCCESSION) Mr. Wumple's in conference; Mr. Wumple's busy; Mr. Wumple is not in today, sorry; Call later; Have you an appointment? Mr. Wumple is out; etc. etc. (FADES)

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "HOME IN PASADENA" ... THEN OUT WITH--

SOUND:

GONG-LIKE TELEPHONE BELL ... RECEIVER UP

BUTLER:

Mr. Wumple's residence. Good evening. Who's calling, please? ... Just a moment. If you'll hold the wire. (TO POLLY) For you, Madame.

POLLY:

(APPROACHING) Oh, thank you, Hives.

BUTLER:

You're welcome.

POLLY:

Hello? ... Oh, hello, Greta darling ... What? ... You're starting your new picture tonight? ... Oh, I'm so sorry, that's too bad. Well, we'll make it another time then ... Oh, fine. Yes, we'd love to. Bye.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

WILLI:

Greta's not coming?

POLLY:

No.

WILLI:

Good thing you asked Joan.

POLLY:

(ANNOYED) All right, all right. I know. You told me she wouldn't come. You told me to arrange for someone else. You told me everything!

WILLI:

But, Polly darling, we'll see Greta at her house. She invited us for dinner, didn't she? (NO ANSWER) Didn't she, Polly?

POLLY:

No.

WILLI:

Are you sure?

POLLY:

I'm certain.

WILLI:

Well, of course, it is funny. I only see myself at her dinner. But I'm sure that she'll invite you.

POLLY:

Oh, don't worry. She did.

WILLI:

Well, you just said that--

POLLY:

Never mind what I said. She did invite me but I'm not going. I'm not going to be here.

WILLI:

But, honey--

POLLY:

You were right. You're always right. You know everything. You know what dress I'm going to buy next week and what your secretary is going to say at 11:26 and a half tomorrow morning. You know who's going to need a new building and how much you'll be paid for building it. You know the amount of your income tax before you've made the money you pay on it. You know what you're going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner seven days a week. You even know when it's not going to rain in California!

WILLI:

It's not gonna rain Tuesday.

POLLY:

Oh, isn't it?

WILLI:

No.

POLLY:

Well, that's lovely. That's just fine and dandy. It's so fine, I'm going to tell you something even you don't know.

WILLI:

What?

POLLY:

I'm through. I'm fed up -- right up to here. I don't like having my life driven for me by a chauffeur. I want to take a turn at the wheel myself. I want to worry whether I need oil or gas or whether I'm going to get a flat tire.

WILLI:

But, Polly, I don't know your life.

POLLY:

But you know yours too darned well and as long as I'm married to you, that means knowing mine. Well, I can't stand it anymore. I don't know how you do.

WILLI:

Well, I like to know, Polly.

POLLY:

(SIGHS) You're impossible.

WILLI:

Aw, darling--

POLLY:

Don't darling me, and get away.

WILLI:

Now, Polly--

POLLY:

I mean it, Willi. I can't go on anymore. You've got to stop this oracle act.

WILLI:

It's too late, Polly.

POLLY:

It's not too late. You just won't try. Well, Willi, I'm different. When Greta accepts my invitation to a party, I don't want to know she won't be able to come because her new picture's starting. I don't want to be able to get a substitute in advance. I want to get into a dither at the last minute and curse the movie business until I do get someone else. And that's the way it's got to be, Willi. Either you're going to shut your eyes and ears and tell your angel to go to - heaven - or--

WILLI:

Or what?

POLLY:

Or I'm getting a divorce.

WILLI:

No. No, not so soon.

POLLY:

What do you mean? Not so soon?

WILLI:

Well, now, darling, be calm and just remember that I do love you, but--

POLLY:

But what?

WILLI:

Wait. Go back to the day we were married.

POLLY:

Yes?

WILLI:

Yes. I told you then that you'd divorce me.

POLLY:

Well?

WILLI:

Well, darling, I do love you but there's nothing that I can do about it. You just are going to divorce me.

POLLY:

There's nothing you can do about it?

WILLI:

No.

POLLY:

(SIGHS) But, Willi, don't you see? Here's your one chance to stop knowing, to stop seeing everything in advance. Willi, here's the one thing, the one little thing that can break the spell.

WILLI:

But, darling, you're gonna divorce me anyway.

POLLY:

You're sure?

WILLI:

I know.

POLLY:

Well, Willi, I've got to hand it to you. You're a wonderful, wonderful person. You're marvelous, glorious, terrific. You're the Eighth Wonder of the World. And you're stark staring mad. You must be if you can sit there and tell me you love me and still let me divorce you because--because some flying fool in bare feet said so. Well, you're right, William dear. You're so right, it isn't funny. I am going to get a divorce and I hope I never see you again because it's going to be swell to be normal! (FADES)

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS

WILLI:

But, Polly, wait! Polly! (FADES)

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "I MARRIED AN ANGEL"

SOUND:

NIGHT CLUB NOISE UP AND INTO BG

MAITRE D':

Good Evening, Mr. Wumple. A table for two?

WILLI:

For one.

MAITRE D':

Uh, one? Er, yes, Mr. Wumple. Right this way.

WILLI:

Thank you.

MAITRE D':

We have a new singer you simply must hear. She's wonderful, marvelous! A voice that thrills you; a figure that, er-- Ahem! Uh, oh, by the way, Mr. Wumple, I was wondering-- That is, uh-- (CLEARS THROAT) Could you tell me, in the fourth race at Santa Anita--?

SINGER:

(IN BG, SHE HAS ALREADY BEGUN TO SING "RED SAILS IN THE SUNSET")

WILLI:

(POLITE, UNENTHUSIASTIC) Uh, keep quiet, your sensational singer is going on.

MAITRE D':

Oh.

SINGER:

(FILLS A PAUSE UNTIL THE DANCER ARRIVES, THEN CONTINUES IN BG)

DANCER:

(APPROACHES, GIGGLING) Hello, Mr. Wumple! You haven't been in the Café Olé in ages!

WILLI:

Oh, good evening.

DANCER:

Oh, Mr. Wumple, I was wondering if you, uh-- That is-- Do you think you could--? In the - in the fourth at Santa Anita--

WILLI:

I'm, uh, trying to listen to the singer.

SINGER:

(FINISHES TO POLITE APPLAUSE DURING FOLLOWING--)

DANCER:

Aw, she's lousy! But wait'll you see my little number! Oh, it's a knockout! You see, I come out in a few feathers and a spangle and WHOOO! Well, I know you'll love it!

WILLI:

I know I won't.

DANCER:

(DISAPPOINTED) Oh. You expectin' your wife?

WILLI:

She's in Reno.

DANCER:

Reno?! Oh, dearie! Why didn't you say so before? Let's go some place where you can cry on my shoulder -- if you know what I mean. (GIGGLES)

WILLI:

I do and I'm sorry. Goodnight.

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "DANCE OF THE HOURS" ... UP AND DISSOLVE TO--

1ST MAN:

Come on Sadie Q. Come on, Sadie! Bring home the bacon to daddy.

SOUND:

GALLOPING RACEHORSES APPROACH, CONTINUE IN BG

1ST MAN:

Oh you, Sadie Q! Ride him, baby, ride him. Come on, Sadie! Come on home! Come on, come on, Sadie!

SOUND:

CROWD NOISE UP AS HORSES PASS, THEN INTO BG

1ST MAN:

Oh, Sadie -- she's a winner! Forty to one! Oh, baby, what a horse, what a horse! Wumple, you certainly picked a honey that time-- Hey, Wumple! Wumple! Now can you tie that? The darn fool tore up his ticket!

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW"

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

WILLI:

(WAKES WITH A START) What's that?

BUTLER:

(APPROACHING) Oh, I - I beg your pardon, sir. The door blew shut. I didn't mean to waken you.

WILLI:

That's all right, Hives. I wasn't able to sleep anyway.

BUTLER:

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

WILLI:

Matter of fact, I haven't slept in weeks.

BUTLER:

Have you tried reading some light fiction before bedtime, sir? I can highly recommend "The Case of the Bleeding Claw."

WILLI:

The grandmother did it.

BUTLER:

Oh, really? Well, how about "Daughter-in-Law of Frankenstein"?

WILLI:

Dracula did it.

BUTLER:

Fancy that now. "Death in the Telephone Booth"?

WILLI:

Ventilation did it.

BUTLER:

Well! Have you read them all, sir?

WILLI:

No, I haven't but I will.

BUTLER:

Well then, perhaps--

WILLI:

(EXPLODES) Perhaps nothing! Tell me, Hives, have you ever read "The Murder of William Wumple?" No, of course you haven't. But you might -- and if they ask you who did it, tell them an angel!

BUTLER:

Now, Mr. Wumple, you shouldn't be--

WILLI:

(HYSTERICAL) Don't tell me what to do! You told me to read, didn't you? Well, there's nothing for me to read! Not one single solitary book! I know how they begin and how they end and what comes in between! I know them backwards and forwards and inside out before I start, and I can't stand it, I can't! It's - it's - it's driving me crazy! (CALMING DOWN) I don't know what to do anymore.

BUTLER:

You must relax, Mr. Wumple, relax. Now, now, please don't get yourself so excited.

WILLI:

You don't understand--

BUTLER:

Oh, but I do, Mr. Wumple, I do. Now just take it easy. Be calm. Lie down and rest yourself.

WILLI:

Oh, but I tell you--

BUTLER:

Uh uh uh uh uh uh. There, there, now. Quiet. You'll be all right. I have just the book to quiet your nerves.

WILLI:

Yeah? But I--

BUTLER:

The very book; yes, indeed. Now just be still. Now then -- let's see. Ah, yes! Here we are. Page one. (READS) "A is for apples so red and so sweet / B, for bananas that we love to eat / (WILLI JOINS IN) C is for carrots so long and so ..." (FADES)

ORCHESTRA:

BRIDGE, "TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR"

SOUND:

[TELEPHONE BELL ... RECEIVER UP

6TH SEC.:

Hello, Mr. Wumple's office. Sorry. You'll have to make an appointment.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

2ND MAN:

Now look, sweetheart, all I ask--

6TH SEC.:

I told you a dozen times. You can't see him. Why don't you take a month off for lunch?

SOUND:

BUZZER ... RECEIVER UP

6TH SEC.:

Oh, hello, Daisy. Yeah, Mr. Wumple's going over them now.

2ND MAN:

But, look, sister, I've got to see him. I've got to get this contract from Wumple. Can't you at least tell me how to get on his good side?

6TH SEC.:

He hasn't got one anymore.

2ND MAN:

Then how can I put him in a good mood? Does he like the fights?

6TH SEC.:

He hates 'em.

2ND MAN:

How about football?

6TH SEC.:

Ditto.

2ND MAN:

Poker? Bridge? Pinochle?

6TH SEC.:

No dice.

2ND MAN:

Mah Jong?

6TH SEC.:

Listen, mister, Mr. Wumple knows everything but the meaning of the word entertainment. And he stopped trying to find that out since his wife went to Reno.

2ND MAN:

Doesn't he go anywhere?

6TH SEC.:

Sure. He comes here and then he goes home, and then he comes here and then he goes home again. Very simple.

2ND MAN:

Say, what about the theater? I've got two seats down in front for the "Frivolous Cheats."

6TH SEC.:

Wouldn't go myself if you was to beg. Wumple says the play is going to lay an egg.

2ND MAN:

He's got a nerve; it's only opening tonight!

6TH SEC.:

Well, that's what he says and he's always right. What Wumple doesn't know, ain't worth while knowing.

2ND MAN:

A fine thing! It was just a waste of time coming here.

6TH SEC.:

Oh, not at all. I've enjoyed it.

2ND MAN:

Aw, nuts!

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS, TELEPHONE RINGS ... SETTING RHYTHMIC PATTERN FOR FOLLOWING SEQUENCE--

6TH SEC.:

Hello, hello. Sorry. No. Mr. Wumple's working late tonight.

SOUND:

TELEPHONE RINGS

6TH SEC.:

Hello, hello. Sorry. No. The best thing for you would be to write.]

NOTE:

THIS NEXT SCENE IS PLAYED WITH RHYTHM AND RHYME / SO THE ACTORS WILL HAVE TO KEEP IN TIME

SOUND:

INTERCOM BUZZER, RECEIVER UP

6TH SEC.:

Hello, hello. Oh, Daisy. What? / Oh, gee, thanks a lot. / Guess I forgot.

SOUND:

THREE KNOCKS ON DOOR, WHICH QUICKLY OPENS AND SHUTS

6TH SEC.:

Mr. Wumple; it's almost four. / The Press is waitin' at the door.

WILLI:

Send them away. Send them away.

6TH SEC.:

But you said you'd let them know today.

WILLI:

Even tho' / I wish they'd go, / I'll see them just the same--I know.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) You know too much.

WILLI:

(TO POLLY) I don't. You're wrong. I know I'm right.

6TH SEC.:

I beg your pardon--I don't quite--

WILLI:

Oh, forget it, please. I thought I heard--

6TH SEC.:

Mr. Wumple, I didn't say a word.

WILLI:

I know you didn't.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) You know too much. Stop knowing now, before they begin.

WILLI:

(TO SECRETARY) You can let the reporters in.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS ... REPORTERS ENTER, MURMURING BRIEFLY UNDER NEXT LINE

6TH SEC.:

Gentlemen, before you enter, remember -- no congestion. / Mr. Wumple has your answer. You see, he knows your question.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) Don't know it, Willi. Don't even guess.

6TH SEC.:

(TO WILLI, A GRAND INTRODUCTION) The reporters-- Uh, gentlemen of the Press.

ORCHESTRA:

"BABES IN TOYLAND" FANFARE

1ST REP:

The Morning News.

2ND REP:

The Forenoon News.

3RD REP:

The Noonday News.

4TH REP:

The Nightly News.

5TH REP:

The Daily News.

6TH REP:

The Weekly News.

REPORTERS:

Mr. Wumple?

WILLI:

Yes?

REPORTERS:

What's new?

MUSIC:

TROMBONE GLISS

WILLI:

(DRAWING IT OUT) Well . . .

REPORTERS:

Mr. Wumple, is it true? / M.K.O. will hire you / To build a mammoth studio?

WILLI:

My answer's "no." / I don't know. / Not today.

REPORTERS:

Mr. Wumple, it is true / M.K.O. will hire you?

WILLI:

I have no news / you can use. / Go away.

REPORTERS:

Mr. Wumple, is it true?

WILLI:

There's nothing I can say to you.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) That's it, Willi. That's what to do.

REPORTERS:

Is it, Mr. Wumple?

WILLI:

I don't know.

REPORTERS:

Yes, you do.

WILLI:

(PETULANT) No, I don't.

REPORTERS:

(CHILDISH, OUT OF TIME) Oh, yes, you do.

WILLI:

Nooooo.

REPORTERS:

Yeeeees.

WILLI:

No!

REPORTERS:

Yes!

WILLI:

No! That is--

MUSIC:

TWO LAUGHS FROM THE TROMBONES ... (STRAVINSKY'S "FIREBIRD") WHICH DO NOT RESOLVE ON THE TONIC OR DOMINANT

WILLI:

(SADLY) Yes -- it's true.

MUSIC:

TROMBONES GIVE HIM THE RAZZBERRY ... MUSIC OUT

WILLI:

(EXPLODES) Now, get out!

REPORTERS:

(SWEETLY) Thank you.

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS WITH IMPECCABLE TIMING / THUS ENDING THE RHYTHM AND RHYMING

WILLI:

(APOLOGETIC, TO POLLY) I couldn't help it, I just knew.

6TH SEC.:

But, Mr. Wumple--

WILLI:

(SHARP, TO SECRETARY) And you, too.

6TH SEC.:

But it-- But it's come!

WILLI:

What? The offer?

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) Just one little thing, Willi, and you'll break the spell.

6TH SEC.:

Yes, we've got the offer from M.K.O. Isn't it wonderful? I was so afraid when I heard you say "yes" to those reporters because, after all, the offer may not have come -- and then where would we have been?

WILLI:

I told you that we'd get the bid, didn't I?

POLLY:

(ON FILTER, WARNINGLY) Willi ...

6TH SEC.:

Yes, Mr. Wumple, you did tell me but suppose you was wrong?

WILLI:

I'm never wrong.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) Willie!

6TH SEC.:

I know, Mr. Wumple.

WILLI:

I know.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER, FURIOUS) Willi, I'm through!

WILLI:

Wait!

6TH SEC.:

Yes, sir?

WILLI:

We're not accepting the offer.

6TH SEC.:

Not accepting?

WILLI:

You heard me.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER, JOYOUS) Willi!

6TH SEC.:

But, Mr. Wumple, you spent months drawing up those plans. You staked everything on this. Why, the contracts are signed with the builders and M.K.O. will hold you on the completion bond. They'll sue you. You've gotta think of that.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) Think of all the fun you'll get kicking over the traces.

6TH SEC.:

You built up the firm alone.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) You could build another.

6TH SEC.:

And you'll go bankrupt.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER) What if you do?

6TH SEC.:

Then, Mr. Wumple, you've got to think of all the people you employ. Think what you'll do to them?

WILLI:

(TRIES TO BE FIRM) We're not signing.

POLLY:

(ON FILTER, CHANGE OF HEART) Oh, no, Willi. You'll have to sign. I'm afraid you aren't more important than all those people. That's the catch.

WILLI:

(TO POLLY) But, you--

POLLY:

(ON FILTER, SADLY) I'm afraid you've tried too late, Willi. Much too late.

MUSIC:

HARP GLISS FOR PUNCTUATION ... THEN ORCHESTRA ... BRIDGE, "YOU OUGHT TO BE IN PICTURES"

1ST ANNCR:

(FILTER) Ladies and gentlemen. In place of the forty-third chapter of "Jenny Wren, Dream Girl," the program regularly scheduled for this time, we are going to take you to Hollywood for a special broadcast of the dedication ceremonies of the new M.K.O. studio. We wish to thank the makers of Choxie -- It's Good Enough to Eat -- for relinquishing their time. We take you now to Hollywood.

SOUND: CROWD MURMURS EXCITEDLY, IN BG ... OCCASIONALLY REACTING TO THE VARIOUS MOVIE STARS

2ND ANNCR:

Hello, hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen, hello! This is Sam Glumph broadcasting to you from the speakers' platform in front of the terrific new M.K.O. studio in Hollywood -- which has been designed by William Wumple, the architect. I wish you could see it, folks. I wish you could see the crowds filling the stands erected for this historic occasion. Everyone is here--stars--stars--it's glamorous--it's glorious, it's stupendous. [Suspended in mid-air almost directly over my head is the gold-plated cornerstone which William Wumple the famous architect who designed the studio, will lay at the conclusion of the exercises.] And it's a beautiful day out here in California, folks, a terrifically beautiful day--high up above us the Hollywood Hills, like some backdrop of the Olympian Gods, kiss the caressing blue California sky--

1ST ANNCR:

(CUTS IN ABRUPTLY, FILTER) Coming to you through the courtesy of Choxie -- It's Good Enough to Eat! And don't you forget it! (CUTS OUT ABRUPTLY)

2ND ANNCR:

--red tiled roofs of Spanish bungalows and, stretching out beyond, the Pacific, rolling toward the horizon, broken only by the towering peaks of Catalina Island, for it is a clear day today, folks -- as we gather to dedicate this new million dollar mammoth super super studio! All the M.K.O. players have assembled here on the stand. And here's the Queen of the Screen herself, folks--that lovely auburn-haired darling, Daphne Frothingham. Miss Frothingham, won't you tell the radio audience what you think of the new studio Mr. Wumple has built for M.K.O.?

DAPHNE:

(KATHARINE HEPBURN) Oh, reahlly, the new studio is wonderful. My next picture is "Love Is the Nuts." Next to my mother, I love Choxies.

2ND ANNCR:

Thank you, Miss Frothingham, for a grand performance. ("GRAND" IS ALWAYS PRONOUNCED WITH TWO SYLLABLES) And now - now we're going to hear a few words from the famous Finnish beauty, the exotic, red-haired Hunka Flash. Tell us, Miss Flash, what do you think of the new studio? [(NO ANSWER) Er--Miss Flash?

HUNKA:

Sorry. Would you take it again, please?

2ND ANNCR:

Ha ha ha. What do you think of the new studio?]

HUNKA:

Eet eez wanderfool. My next peecture ees "Love Ees Lovely." Some of my best friends are Choxies.

2ND ANNCR:

Oh, thank you, Miss Flash, for a grand performance. Folks, you've seen stars but none so lovely as the sterling little henna-haired lady now stepping up to the microphone. Yes, folks, it's none other than Glorianna Glee. Miss Glee, would you describe M.K.O.'s beautiful new building to your millions of fans?

GLORIANNA:

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREWBALL COMEDIENNE) The new studio's wonderful. My next picture's wonderful. Choxie's wonderful. Wumple's wonderful. Boy, am I cockeyed!

2ND ANNCR:

Thank you, Miss Glee, for a grand performance. Trying to get through the tremendous crowd is that titian-tinted trouper, DeLacey LeDoocie. (TO THE MURMURING CROWD) Won't you stand back just a little--? Please! Stand back! Please! (TO MOVIE STAR) Oh, uh, oh, DeLacey, won't you say just a few words about the new studio?

DeLACEY:

(DRAWLING WESTERN HERO) Calico and me wanna thank all you hombres for your swell fan letters. Muh next picture is "Love Is Choxie."

2ND ANNCR:

Thank you, DeLacey, for a grand performance. A performance that'll be appreciated by the lovely lady with the lovely crimson locks now approaching. You all know her, folks. It's your favorite columnist, Alíce Ben Bolt.

ALICE:

(MOUSY) Wonderful. My next column is wonderful. What I always say is -- Choxies each day and Millicent never looked lovelier.

2ND ANNCR:

Oh, thank you, Alíce, for a grand performance.

ALICE:

Oh, thank you, Mr. Glumph. And now I'd like to introduce the grandest star of them all -- the lovely carrot-topped Anitra. Anitra, what do you think of the new studio?

ANITRA:

(IS A DOG WHO PANTS AND THEN BARKS FOUR TIMES)

2ND ANNCR:

Ah, thank you, Anitra, for a grand performance! I know you, too, love Choxie. Ladies and gentlemen, at this point it gives me great pleasure to turn the proceedings over to the man responsible for this occasion. The genius who inspired it. The lovely titian--er--ah--the President of M.K.O. himself!

PRESIDENT:

(CLEARS THROAT, VERY JEWISH) Thank you, thank you. I'm proud to be President of M.K.O.

CHORUS:

(SINGS) Yessiree, yessiree, yessireeeee!

PRESIDENT:

I am still prouder to be the President who contracted the great architect, Villiam Vumple, to design this new super-significant studio. (ASIDE) And it's a four-star job if I ever saw one.

CHORUS:

(SINGS) Yessiree, yessiree, yessireeeee!

PRESIDENT:

And vhat is more, my friends, I am prouder still to be the author of M.K.O.'s vonderful theme song which our chorus of one hundred and fifty voices -- one hundred and fifty! -- vill now singa.

MUSIC:

AND THEY DO. AT LEAST, WE HEAR A FEW OF THE 150 VOICES SINGING THE FOLLOWING TO THE TUNE OF "AMICI" WITH ORGAN ACCOMPANIMENT

CHORUS:

(SINGS) M.K.O. you are supree-yum
Tops in Hollywood
Every star is just a dree-yum
And you pay them good.
For your hits, you charge two bits
And ne'er an egg you lay
With each fillum you sure killum
M.K.O.'s O. K.

MUSIC:

THE CHORUS IS NOW HAVING A FINE TIME AND PROCEEDS TO GIVE AN ENCORE, WHICH VERY FORTUNATELY FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND AS THE SECRETARY'S VOICE COMES IN

6TH SEC.:

Mr. Wumple, I hope your speech goes well--

WILLI:

Never mind about the speech. Have you reserved the suite in the hospital?

6TH SEC.:

Yes, sir.

WILLI:

Did you arrange for the ambulance?

6TH SEC.:

Yes, sir, but--

WILLI:

And the crutches?

6TH SEC.:

Yes, sir. But I don't see why you bandaged your foot up now.

WILLI:

(VERY PATIENTLY) Because when they lower that corner stone up there I'm going to be hit. And I don't want my foot to be badly hurt.

6TH SEC.:

But with that bandage, you can hardly walk now.

WILLI:

Without it, I might not walk at all later.

6TH SEC.:

I suppose you know best, Mr. Wumple.

WILLI:

Oh, I wish I didn't.

MUSIC:

CHORUS COMES UP, FINISHING THE SONG

PRESIDENT:

Ay, vhat a theme song! And it now gives me great pleasure to introduce that distinguished architect, making his only personal appearance this season, positively, Mr. Villiam Pimple!

VOICE:

(OFF, WHISPERS) Uh, Mr. President. (UNINTELLIGIBLE MURMURING, BRIEFLY IN BG)

PRESIDENT:

Huh? What goes on here? Whatsis? Whosis? Oh, yeah, yeah. (CLEARS HIS THROAT) Er--Mr. Villiam Vumple--in person. Take a bow.

SOUND:

CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS

WILLI:

Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. When that gold-plated corner stone suspended above you is lowered onto this very spot where I now stand, the greatest studio in the world will be completed. I know that from this very studio will emanate the finest films M.K.O. has ever produced. I also know nobody likes a speech and so -- I shall only say thank you again -- (GAMELY) -- and lower away!

MUSIC:

THE CHORUS, FOR A CHANGE, STARTS ITS THEME SONG

BIZ:

SUDDENLY THERE ARE SCREAMS, CHAOS, AND VARIOUS VOICES CALLING OUT ("Mr. Wumple, look out!" "It's falling!" "He'll be hit!" "Watch out!")

ORCHESTRA:

TOPS EVERYTHING BY FINISHING THE SONG DRAMATICALLY ... THEN OUT

GIRL:

(ON FILTER) Calling Dr. Knife to surgery. Calling Dr. Knife to surgery. Surgery. Calling Dr. Knife to surgery. (FADES)

WILLI:

(GROANING)

POLLY:

(SOOTHING) There, there, Willi. You'll be all right.

WILLI:

Where--where--? Oh. Is this the suite that I reserved?

POLLY:

Yes, darling, it is.

WILLI:

Polly?! Polly, what are you--? What--? What--? What--? (THRILLED) You've come back!

POLLY:

Someone had to look after you.

WILLI:

How's my foot?

POLLY:

Don't you know?

WILLI:

Well, it feels all right.

POLLY:

It is all right. But how is your head?

WILLI:

My head?

POLLY:

Yes, darling. Your head. Where the corner stone landed.

WILLI:

You mean--

POLLY:

I mean that that idiotic bandage on your foot kept you from getting out of the way when the cable broke.

WILLI:

But I thought-- Well, I was sure-- Oh, no, Polly, you're fooling. I know my foot-- (TRIES TO RISE, GROANS)

POLLY:

Oh, that's what you get for trying to sit up. Now, be careful.

WILLI:

But, Polly, I - I didn't know that my head would get hurt.

POLLY:

You didn't know?

WILLI:

No.

POLLY:

Willi, do you know what you just said?

WILLI:

Polly!

POLLY:

Yes, Willi?

WILLI:

Polly! But--! Oh! I didn't know-- I don't know what's going to happen anymore! I don't know, I tell you! I don't - I don't even know whether you've come back to stay.

POLLY:

Don't you?

WILLI:

I don't even know whether you love me. Polly, tell me, do you love me?

POLLY:

Don't you know?

WILLI:

No! No! I don't! I don't know, Polly! Oh, it's wonderful! (SCREAMS IN LIBERATION) It's marvelous! I don't know if you love me!

BIZ:

WILLI & POLLY LAUGH

NURSE:

(APPROACHES) Oh, my, my, Mr. Wumple! Please, no excitement.

POLLY:

Oh, it's really my fault, nurse.

NURSE:

Well, I suppose we can forgive you this time if Mr. Wumple eats his supper like a good boy. Are you ready for a nice big supper, Mr. Wumple?

WILLI:

(GROANS) Ohhhh, I suppose it's chicken broth and custard?

NURSE:

Oh, Mr. Wumple, you just know everything!

WILLI:

What?!

ORCHESTRA:

TO A FINISH

ANNOUNCER:

You have just heard the Columbia Workshop presentation of "Now Playing Tomorrow," an original radio comedy written by Arthur Laurents. Mr. Laurents is a student in the course in Radio Writing at the Division of General Education at New York University which is taught by William N. Robson, who directed tonight's broadcast. The orchestra was conducted by Bernard Herrmann. Arlene Francis played the role of Polly and Karl Swenson, Willi.

ORCHESTRA:

"I MARRIED AN ANGEL" ... FILLS A PAUSE, THEN IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

"I Married an Angel" is from the show of the same name. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

ORCHESTRA:

CONTINUES TO END