Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: I Love a Mystery
Show: You'll Be Dead in a Month Episode 1
Date: Date Unknown

I LOVE A MYSTERY
"You'll Be Dead in a Month"
Chapter One- The Man with Nothing to Lose

Thursday: 5:30 - 6:00 p.m.
Thursday: 9:30 - 10:00 p.m.

FX:

(WIND AND BELLS)

ANN:

The makers of Fleishmann's High Vitamin Yeast Present I LOVE A MYSTERY

FX:

(WIND AND BELLS)

FX:

ORGAN (VALSE TRISTE)

ANN:

(commercial here)

FX:

(SIREN)

ANN:

'YOU'LL BE DEAD IN A MONTH' a new Carlton Morse adventure thriller.

FX:

(CLOCK STRIKES NINE)

ANN:

Nine o'clock in the evening somewhere out on the Strip to the West of Hollywood. In case you don't know, the STRIP is a portion of Sunset Boulevard which runs through and adjacent to some of the more exclusive residential districts between Hollywood and the Pacific Ocean. In the strip are some of the more expensive shops, salons and eating and drinking places. The strip is not a portion of Los Angeles Jack Packard, Doc Long and Reggie York would be apt to patronize. Certainly not the flossy drinking establishments with soft lights, boudoir furnishings and intimate music. And yet, here they are, Jack, Doc and Reggie uncomfortably seated on too small chairs before a too small table in a half-lighted corner of Maggie's Intimate Drinking Salon.

DOC:

(guarded) Jack....

JACK:

Huh?

DOC:

You sure nuff trying to bore Reggie and me to death?

JACK:

You aren't any more bored than I am...

DOC:

Then what we a-stickin' here for?...All this plush and soft lights and elegance...

JACK:

Business...

DOC:

We gonna do business in Maggie's Intimate Drinkin' Saloon?

REGGIE:

(Chuckles)

DOC:

What's eatin' YOU Reggie?

REGGIE:

(Amused) Not SALOON.

DOC:

(Spells) S-A-L-0-N?

REGGIE:

Salon.....

DOC:

Well pardon me while I arch my PINKY.

REGGIE:

(Chuckles)

DOC:

I asked you a question Jack...

JACK:

Did you?

DOC:

Yeah... What kind of business we go here in Maggie's place, and by the way where IS MAGGIE....?

JACK:

I don't know.

DOC:

Well it says Maggie's saloon....

REGGIE:

(Amused) Salon...

DOC:

Yeah....And all the folks I've seen is the hat-check girl out yonder, the one waiter and the piano player in the next room...

REGGIE:

(Agrees) Not a very large retinue of attendants...

JACK:

Not a very large establishment...

DOC:

Yeah...Seat about twenty, thirty at the most...

JACK:

That's what it means by Maggie's INTIMATE drinking salon...small, quiet and exclusive...

DOC:

DURNED exclusive, if you ask ME...We're all the guests they got.

REGGIE:

Isn't there anyone in the other room?

DOC:

Nope... I kin see in there... Nobody but the pianist...Well we come out even anyway... Three of us and three of THEM...I'll take the hat-: check girl... You two can divide the waiter and the piano player up any way you want.

REGGIE:

(Chuckles) and now that you've got that settled will you quiet down while Jack unfolds the plot?

DOC:

Plot? Oh, you mean the business we got here?

REGGIE:

Quite...

DOC:

Okay, Jack, spill it...

JACK:

Just a minute...The waiter's coming over...

DOC:

Why? We don't want nothing more...

JACK:

(guarded) Order anyway....

DOC: Huh...
(PAUSE)

WAITER: (coming to mike) Will there be something more gentlemen?

JACK:

I guess so...Same as before...Reggie?

REGGIE:

Quite, refill...

WAITER:

And you, sir...?

DOC:

Yeah, bring me another glass of milk.

WAITER:

(distaste) Milk!

DOC:

That's what I said...MILK.

WAITER:

The bar carries only a limited supply...I'm afraid we're out of milk.

DOC:

Don't give me no argument...I want milk...

WAITER:

Perhaps you would suggest how I get it...

DOC:

Sure...go cow the bartender

REGGIE:

(amused) Oh, look here.....

WAITER:

(haughty) I beg your pardon

DOC:

Go on...Git me another glass of milk...

WAITER:

I will see what can be done...

DOC:

Hey, and wait a minute...

WAITER:

Yes?

DOC:

Why ain't the piano player in there playing...?

WAITER:

It's a little early in the evening yet...

DOC:

It ain't early if he's got payin' customers, is it?

WAITER:

(doubtfully) I would have to take that up with HIM.

DOC:

Do that... Tell him to rip off "The Last Round Up" or the "Dark Town Strutter's Ball" ... Somethin' like that....

WAITER:

(haughty) I will mention your suggestions to him.. (leaving mike) (bitterly)"Dark Town Strutter's Ball"?

DOC:

(amused) I don't think he cares for me...

JACK:

Can you blame him...When did you take up milk as a beverage?

DOC:

Well, I had my first swig of it when I was about three-four hours old...Bin a-drinkin' it off and on ever since....

REGGIE:

(amused) But not in places like this....

DOC:

Oh I'm jes' orderin' milk NOW on account it makes our waiter so durned mad..

REGGIE:

(chuckles)

DOC:

Takes it as a personal insult...Hey, what's that, Jack?

JACK:

Letter...

DOC:

Yeah, I kin see it's a letter, son...

REGGIE:

You mean it explains the reason for your being here?

JACK:

Yes, want to hear it?

DOC:

Sure...Kinda fancy paper, ain't it...Ain't that a girl's handwritin'?

JACK:

Yes, it's fancy paper and it's a girl's handwriting...Anything else you want to know?

DOC:

Yeah, what's it say?

JACK:

If you'll keep still long enough I'll read it.

DOC:

Shoot son...

JACK:

It came this afternoon... It's from a girl who signs herself, Eve Carson....

DOC:

Any relation to Kit?

JACK:

Doc....

DOC:

Yeah?

JACK:

Will you curb that undeveloped sense of humor until I'm finished.

DOC:

Not funny, huh?

JACK:

(agrees) Not funny....

DOC:

Okay... Shoot....

JACK:

The letter is signed Eve Carson, whoever that is, and this is what she says: It will be very much to your advantage to meet me in Maggie's Intimate Drinking Salon on the Strip sometime between eight and nine this evening. I will come directly to your table and join you as though I were an old friend. Please treat me as such. What I have to say to you will take only a few moments but will mean a great deal to me as well as you and your two friends. Eve Carson.

REGGIE:

Is that all?

JACK:

That's all...

DOC:

And that's why we're here? To meet Eve Carson and treat her like an old friend?

JACK:

That's right...

DOC:

Here, let me have a look at that letter...

JACK:

Go ahead...

DOC:

(reads) Very much to your advantage to meet me ..(grunts) Does she mean by that she's young and good-lookin', you s'pose.....

REGGIE:

(chuckles)

JACK:

Here give me that letter...

DOC:

Well, I always DID way it was to a feller's advantage to meet a young, good lookin' girl....

REGGIE:

But she said between eight and nine, Jack, and it's ten minutes after nine right now.

JACK:

Yeah, I know...

DOC:

You mean, she ain't comin'?

JACK:

You know as much as I do...

DOC:

But Jack...

JACK:

Hold it... Waiter's coming back...

DOC:

Yeah...

(PAUSE)

 

DOC:

Hi sport... See you found some milk..

WAITER:

Quite...

DOC:

Sure, I knew you'd find some if you tried...

WAITER:

However, I am to inform you this is positively that last milk I can serve...

DOC:

This is all, huh?

WAITER:

Positively...

DOC:

Don't know any accommodatin' cows personallky, I don't suppose...

WAITER:

IF, you please...

REGGIE:

(chuckles)

DOC:

Okay, let it go.... Did you talk to the piano player?

WAITER:

I did...

DOC:

Well why ain't he playin'?

WAITER:

He is not so disposed...

DOC:

He's what?

WAITER:

He's not so disposed.

DOC:

What kind of talk's THAT...Did you tell him I asked him to play?

WAITER:

I did...

DOC:

What'd he say?

WAITER:

I'd rather not say...

DOC:

Oh he DID, did he... Why durn his ornery hide....

JACK:

Hey Doc, sit down...

DOC:

But Jack...

JACK:

Sit down... Here you are waiter...Keep the change...

WAITER:

Thank you...

JACK:

Okay...Beat it...

WAITER:

(leaving mike) With the greatest pleasure.

DOC:

Hey Jack, we're a-bein' insulted by the whole outfit in this place...

REGGIE:

(amused) But Doc, you started it...

DOC:

Me?

REGGIE:

QUITE...You've been riding the waiter ever since we came in...

DOC:

But I ain't don nothin' to the piano player... I mean not YET, I ain't

JACK:

And you're not GOING to do anything to him, either...

DOC:

Jes' rough him up a little, maybe?

JACK:

No...

DOC:

He a friend of yours?

JACK:

No...

DOC:

Then what hurt---?

JACK:

We aren't starting anything in this place until we know why we're here...

REGGIE:

Well it doesn't look like we're ever going to know...

DOC:

Sure... Your girl friend Eve Carson said between eight and nine...It's nine fifteen right now and...

JACK:

Wait a minute...somebody's coming in...

DOC:

Sure enough..More customers

REGGIE:

No women though..

JACK:

You can see out in the hallway....

REGGIE:

QUITE...Three men...Giving up their coats to the hat-check girl...

FX:

(PIANO STARTS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND SOFT AND WANDERING FROM ONE TUNE TO ANOTHER)

JACK:

Funny place for three men to come without women...

REGGIE:

(amused) Well after all, WE three cam here....

JACK:

For a reason...besides we expected to meet a woman here...

REGGIE:

(Guarded) Here they come...

DOC:

Jack, did you notice somethin' ... That piano player begun to play the minute them three come in the entrance...

JACK:

Yeah...

REGGIE:

(softly) Sitting down across the room from us... Queer looking set up.

JACK:

Doc..

DOC:

Yeah?

JACK:

Do you have to stare at them...

DOC:

Huh, was I?

JACK:

Yeah, relax..

DOC:

Did you see what I seen...

JACK:

What did you see?

DOC:

Two of our three customers are gorillas...They're totin' pistols and they don't seem to care who knows it.

REGGIE:

(agrees) Bit on the flea-bitten side... Don't seem to have much in common with the third member of the party...

DOC:

Yeah, he's a kinda nice lookin' chap...Whatcha s'pose he's doing associatin' with them kind of monkeys?

JACK:

Doc, stop looking in their direction...

DOC:

Yeah, why?

JACK:

They know we're talking about them..They don't like it.

DOC:

So they don't like it!

JACK:

Now look Doc, we came here for a special purpose... We don't care why a good-looking, well-dressed, obviously cultured young man is associating with a couple of thugs. It's none of our business...

DOC:

Yeah, but if one of them thugs should come over here and START somethin', THEN it would be our business, wouldn't it?

JACK:

They're not coming over to start something, if you don't give them reason...Now leave them alone...

DOC:

(bored) Okay feller... (up) Hey Waiter....

JACK:

NOW what do you want?

DOC:

(normal) Hey waiter...

WAITER:

(coming to mike) You spoke to me?

DOC:

That's right... Get me another glass of milk...

WAITER:

I think I told you there is no more milk.

DOC:

Looky, am I gonna have trouble with you?

WAITER:

I beg your pardon...

DOC:

Git me another glass of milk...

WAITER:

Perhaps you'd prefer to go to some other establishment...

DOC:

No I wouldn't prefer to go to some other establishment...Git me a glass of milk and step on it...

WAITER:

I will see what I can do....

DOC:

Well go in and DO it....

WAITER:

(Leaving mike) Next thing he'll be wanting is a nursing bottle.

REGGIE:

(chuckles) You hear that, Doc? ...

DOC:

(amused) Yeah..

JACK:

What are you antagonizing him for Doc? ..You really don't want any more milk.

DOC:

I know it...It's just that I'm bored...Besides he's bin a-tryin' to high-hat us all evening...Will you folks 'scuse me for a minute...

JACK:

Doc, sit down..

DOC:

No, I got somethin' I got to attend to...

JACK:

Well at least tell us what you're up to so we can be prepared...

DOC:

I'm going in there and talk to the piano player for a minute

JACK:

What about?\

DOC:

Music, son, Music...(leaving mike) What DO you talk to piano players about?

REGGIE:

(amused) That should be good... Doc, on the subject of music..

JACK:

Reggie..

REGGIE:

Yes?

JACK:

Get ready for trouble...

REGGIE:

Are you serious Jack?

JACK:

You mean I can't sense it?

REGGIE: Well, I...I feel that something's wrong...

JACK:

Wrong? This place is loaded with dynamite, and that crazy idiot Doc Long's determined to set it off...

REGGIE:

I ...I don't get you... What's going to happen?

JACK:

I don't know, but keep your eye on Doc and be ready to move fast.. (leaving mike) ...something's coming to a head in a hurry...

FX:

(PAUSE DURING WHICH PIANO FADES MORE INTO PICTURE BUT KEEPS IN BACKGROUND FOR DIALOGUE)

DOC:

(coming to mike) Hi-ya son, ... You the whole doggone symphony orchestra in this joint?

PIANIST:

(mug) That's right...

DOC:

Yeah....(pause)....Mind if I lean on the piano and watch you>

PIANO:

Why not?

DOC:

Thanks... My name's Doc Long...

PIANO:

(pause) Yeah?

DOC:

Uh-huh... Them's my two side-kicks in there... Jack Packard and Reggie York...(PAUSE) Funny joint you got here...

PIANO:

Yeah?

DOC:

Uh-huh.

PIANO:

Why?

DOC:

Well, it's all dolled up like a woman's bedroom...

PIANO:

If you don't like it, there's lots of other places on the Strip...

DOC:

Sure, I know...Funny thing though...Don't seem like this was the kind of place that'd attract a couple of gun-slingin' gorillas...Now does it?

FX:

PIANO BREAKS OFF SUDDENLY

DOC:

What's the matter?

PIANO:

(low ten) There's a couple of trigger men in here now?

DOC:

Sure... You surprised?

PIANO:

Why do you come in here and tell me?

DOC: Go on with your playin'...I kinda liked that last tune...
(PIANO PICKS UP SOFTLY)

PIANO: I still want to know why you came in here and told me?

DOC:

(shrugs) Jes' thought you might be interested...Oh-oh, here comes the waiter with my milk...(up little) In here, waiter...

PIANO:

You always drink milk?

DOC:

Not always...some times more'n others...

PIANO:

How about havin' a REAL drink on the house...

DOC:

Nope, thanks jes' the same...

WAITER:

(coming to mike) You wish your milk served in here?

DOC:

Yeah, I'll take it... Did you ever try sipping milk like wine...Tastes all right...

FX:

SOUND OF GLASS OF MILK THROWN IN WAITER'S FACE

WAITER:

(Gasps) You... YOU....

FX:

PIANO STOPS PLAYING

DOC:

(mad) Yeah, I throwed that glass of milk in your face...

WAITER:

How DARE you throw that milk in my face!

DOC:

Listen son, don't NEVER try to serve me no Micky Finn... Don't NEVER do it...Specially in a glass of milk...

WAITER:

You threw milk in my face...Look at my uniform...Ruined.

DOC:

Maybe you want to make somethin' of it? What's the matter with YOU piano-player...Why don't you do on playin' ... This ain't YOUR party...

PIANO: That's right, it AIN'T my party, is it....
(PIANO BEGINS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND)

DOC: Well what about it waiter, you want we should bounce each other around for a while or shall we call it quits?

WAITER:

Bah! (leaving mike) Ill bred clod...

DOC:

(amused) And there he goes...Called me an ill-bred clod on account I didn't drink his Micky Finn...

PIANO:

We don't serve Micky Finns in this place.

DOC:

The heck you DON'T..

PIANO:

(deadly) we don't serve Micky Finns in this place...

DOC:

Well son, I'm awfully sorry to have to differ with you, but that waiter sure nuff tried to dish me up one in that glass of milk.

PIANO:

I think it's time you and your friends were leaving...

DOC:

HEEEY, is that friendly?

PIANO:

You're more troubl'n you're worthy...Get your things and get out.

DOC:

You don't SAY...

PIANO:

Yes...

DOC:

You know feller, you almost talk like you was owner of this joint.

PIANO:

I AM...

DOC:

Aw no, come on, don't give us THAT stuff...It says right on a sign outside the door that this is Maggie's Drinkin' Emporium...

PIANO:

I'm MAGGIE...

DOC:

(amused) No KIDDIN'...

PIANO:

I want you and your pals out of here in two minutes and just to prove it...

FX:

(SOUND OF RUN ON PIANO)

PIANO:

You're now looking down the muzzle of a thirty-eight...

DOC:

(softly) Well durned if I ain't? Say, that was a cute trick, flippin' a pistol out of your coat at the end of a run on the piano.

PIANO:

Never mind the compliment...Gather up your pals and get going...

DOC:

Kin you play that thirty-eight as good as you play the piano?

PIANO:

I hope for your sake I don't have to show you...

DOC:

Yeah... I'm mighty glad to see you're standin' up...

PIANO:

What do you mean?

DOC:

Because....I hate hittin' a feller when he's (energy) sittin' down...

FX:

(SOUND OF SOCK...CHAIR KNOCKED OVER AND BODY FALL)

DOC:

(grunts) Goodness son, you sure did go down easier'n I expected...Feelin' kinda rubbery in the knees? Uh-huh..Well, it's jes' like I always said, a feller shouldn't never ought to pull a gun unless he intends to use it...Get you in a heap of trouble...Now there.. come on, sit up on your chair at the piano..Come on.. (grunts) Uuuup you come.. now sit...(amused) Feller, you're just plain out on your feet ... That's it, set down.

FX:

(SOUND OF BODY SPRAWLING ON THE KEY BOARD)

DOC:

Okay, sprawl on the piano if that's how you feel... I got to be a-: getting' back to my side-kicks...Nice meetin' you...(weaving mike) Be seein' you later.

(PAUSE)

 

DOC:

(coming to mike) Hey Jack...Reggie you see ... Well, I'll be doggone, a little ole FEMALE GIRL... Where'd we get HER, Jack?

JACK:

Don't pay any attention to him.. He's only Doc...

DOC:

Hello Honey?

EVE:

(amused) Hello Doc

DOC:

She's OURS all right, ain't she Jack?...

EVE:

What's that?

DOC:

I mean she's the little ole Eve Carson sugar we bin awaitin' for?

JACK:

Yes, she's Eve Carson..

DOC:

Where'd we get her?

JACK:

She came in while you were in the other room with the piano player... What happened?

DOC:

Mind if I sit down, Eve, sugar?

EVE:

(amused) Please do...

DOC:

Yeah...

JACK:

I asked you what happened in the other room?

DOC:

Aw nothin' much...One thing, though, that waiter tried to serve me a Micky in a glass of milk...

JACK:

Is that why you threw it in his face?...

DOC:

Yeah..

JACK:

THEN what?

DOC:

Then that piano player drew a thirty-eight on me and said we wasn't wanted.

EVE:

He really drew a gun on you?

DOC:

Here it is..Little present from me to you...

EVE:

(distaste) Please... put it away...

DOC:

You don't like guns?

EVE:

No, please put it in your pocket...

DOC:

Okay... Well anyway I had to smack him a little.. He's in there now with his head in his arms layin' over the keyboard listenin' to the birdies... And say, you know who he is?

JACK:

No, do you?

DOC:

Sure, he told me... He's MAGGIE...

EVE:

Maggie?

DOC:

Sure, you know.. Maggie's Intimate Drinkin' Saloon...

JACK:

Salon, Doc...

DOC:

Yeah, ..Ain't that a heck of a name for a man... Maggie...

EVE:

(scorn) Huh..His name isn't Maggie...

DOC:

But he said he owned this place...

EVE:

That's right, but his name isn't Maggie...

JACK:

Well, he can't amount to very much...Playing his own piano and acting as his own bouncer in his own little dive...

EVE:

That's where you're mistaken. Doc?

DOC:

Yeah?

EVE:

How did you get away with it?

DOC:

You mean sockin' him?

EVE:

Yes... People don't smack Blacky North...

DOC:

Who's Blacky North?

EVE:

The owner of this place...The man you hit... The most dangerous man in Southern California...

DOC:

HIM ...dangerous?

EVE:

Yes... And what I want to know is, WHY hasn't one of his trigger men shot holes in you...

JACK:

TRIGGER MEN?

DOC:

I don't know... Nobody wasn't payin' a BIT of attention when I whammed him... Everybody jes seemed to be lookin' in the other direction.

EVE:

It's mighty funny...

JACK:

Who are you anyway?

EVE:

Eve Carson.

JACK:

Sure we know that, but who are you? Why did you ask us to meet you in this gunman's hangout... Why is it to our advantage to meet you... Who's Blacky North and why does he have trigger men and what connection have you with him?

EVE:

Those are a lot of questions...

JACK:

And I want an answer to all of them...

EVE:

You're going to get your answer..

DOC:

Yeah, and there's one more thing I want an answer to...

EVE:

What's that?

DOC:

I want to know why that good-lookin' boy and them two gorillas across the room haven't taken their eyes off you since you sat down at this table?

EVE:

And you'll get an answer to THAT too...

JACK:

You mean those three men over there are in on this too?

EVE:

Yes...Those two rats are a couple of Black North's torpedoes...

DOC:

Yeah... And who's the good-lookin' dude?

EVE:

That's Westley...

DOC:

Westley, huh?

EVE:

Yes, my brother, Wes Carson...

DOC:

Oh... Oh yeah... Jack, that there is her brother Wes Carson..

JACK:

Yes, I heard her .. Apparently Westley doesn't like his sister out with three strange men in a dump of this kind.

DOC:

And I don't know's I blame him so much at THAT... How about me goin' over and introducin' myself and bringin' him over here?...

EVE:

No...

DOC:

No?

JACK:

Why not?

EVE:

For two reasons...

JACK:

First?

EVE:

One of those trigger boys will let anyone have it who goes near Wes...

DOC:

Don't say...

JACK:

Second?

EVE:

What?

JACK:

You said you had two reasons for not going after your brother..

EVE:

Oh..Second, I've got to tell you why I asked you to come here before anything more happens..

JACK:

You're expecting something more to happen?

EVE:

It's bound to since Doc here slapped Blacky North around... What's the matter with your other partner here? He hasn't said a word in ten minutes.

DOC:

Who, Reggie? Aw, he don't hardly ever say anything in front of women..

JACK:

That's one explanation... The other is he's acting as our look out.

EVE:

Look out?

DOC:

Yeah, sorta keepin' eyes on things... And the feller that's a-keepin' eyes on things in a place like this ain't got no time for gabbin'.. Right Reg, old kid.

REGGIE:

Right...

JACK:

Reggie'll look out for our interests ... so while we're waiting for the trouble to break, relax and tell us all about it...

EVE:

You act as though you didn't think there was going to BE trouble.

JACK:

We'll take than when we come to it... It's your turn to talk... Why did you send for us? How did you hear of us in the first place, and what mutual advantage is there in this meeting?

EVE:

Well, first I've got to tell you who Curly and I are..We're the only members of our family left. I'm twenty-four and Curly's twenty-: eight. Between us we're worth may a million.. maybe two million dollars.

DOC:

Doggone, a little old female GOLD MINE...

EVE:

That's what a lot of the smart boys thought... Nobody's worked me YET.

DOC:

(amused) Yeah?

JACK:

Go on with your story Eve...

EVE:

Yes... We came to California two years ago after father, our last living relative, died in the east. We loved it out here. The first year just getting acquainted.. San Francisco, Carmel, Santa Barbara, Laguna Beach, Palm Springs, Death Valley, San Diego... All the resorts and places to play.. It was wonderful.. Finally about a year ago we rented a house in Beverly Hills because Curly thought it would be fun to be in Hollywood... Thought we might get acquainted with some of the Motion Picture crowd...

JACK:

What's all this leading to?

EVE:

To what's happening tonight... I'm almost through now.. Then about two months ago something happened to Curly... He was coming down stairs to breakfast one morning when he suddenly lost consciousness and plunged head-first downstairs.

DOC:

Oh, I get it... He bumped his head in the fall and he ain't bin the same ever since.. and now he's mixing with gangsters.

EVE:

No... I almost wish it WAS that...

DOC:

Well what DID happen then...

JACK:

Let he tell it her own way, Doc...

DOC:

Yeah...

EVE:

He wasn't hurt in the fall, but he went to a very well-known doctor to find out why he lost consciousness...

JACK:

And why did he?

EVE:

That's the whole story....There's something dreadful the matter with him... Something incurable... I.. I don't know much about it.. All I know is, the doctor told Curly 'In THREE MONTHS YOU'LL BE DEAD'...

JACK:

What's that?

DOC:

Hey, he DIDN'T

EVE:

Yes, he did.. In so many words... "IN THREE MONTHS YOU'LL BE DEAD."

JACK: You didn't just take one doctor's word for it?

EVE:

Oh no.. We've checked with three other specialists...

DOC:

And they all say in three months your brother over yonder'll be dead?

EVE:

Yes... only... Only TWO of those months are gone now...

JACK:

Yes.. that gives him only a month...

DOC:

Funny thing is, he looks so doggone HEALTHY... I ask you, did you ever see a healthier lookin' specimen?

EVE:

That's just it... That's what's so terrible... Except for that one fainting spell he's never had an illness.. He feels WONDERFUL..

JACK:

You're SURE about these doctors you've been seeing?

EVE:

Oh yes, there's no use even going into that... They're the best doctors in the West.

JACK:

And they all agree your brother will be dead a month from today?

EVE:

Yes...

JACK:

Well, where do WE come into the picture?

EVE:

Well... well, I heard about you boys.. Read about some of your adventures... I mean, you sounded like the... kind of men a couple of people in trouble could depend on.

DOC:

You're durned tootin' honey...

JACK:

Just a minute, Doc...

DOC:

Huh?

JACK:

Let's hear what you have in mind first, Miss Carson...

EVE:

Well, it's perfrectly simple..Naturally when Curly heard the bad news, he was hit pretty hard... He didn't make a big scene or anything, but he kind of shrugged his shoulders and said, "What have I got to lose".

JACK:

And he's been going wild ever since?

EVE:

He's been doing everything he can think of that amuses him...

JACK:

And right now is amuses him to be tied up with Blacky North and his bunch of cut-throats?

EVE:

Yes...

JACK:

And what do you want US to do?

EVE:

Look.. He's only got a month more to live

JACK:

Well?

EVE:

If...If you three could sort of look out for him, take care of him...protect him...

JACK:

Protect him from WHAT?

EVE:

Why... why from himself, I.. I suppose.

JACK:

That's a funny thing to say...

EVE:

No it isn't.... Look... You don't understand... If he's got to die, at least he can die with the family name clean.. Not..Not as a criminal,

JACK:

Say some more... what else?

EVE:

That... That's all.. Get him out of Blacky North's clutches.. Keep him out of the hands of the police... Keep him from losing his life in some crazy or criminal experiment or from committing suicide when he's low in his mind... Keep him from hurting himself or anyone else for this month that's left.

DOC:

Heeey now, that's an order that IS an order...

JACK:

In other words, your brother figures he's got just a month to life so what difference does it make what he does or how he does it.

EVE:

Yes, that's it...

JACK:

He figures death is sure in thirty days so it doesn't matter how it comes; gangster slug, police bullet, gun, knife, rope or a plunge off a cliff in a speeding car... what difference does it make?

EVE:

Yes, that's it exactly...

DOC:

Well honey, it ain't pleasant to say, but what difference DOES it make.

EVE:

Oh no... He mustn't... He's fine and clean and good... He's always lived that way until... Until this happened... He can't become something evil now... something that society wants wiped out... something to make sensational headlines for the paper... He mustn't...

JACK:

If I get you right, you want us to curb his last month of fun just so you can write 'he was a good man' on his tombstone...

EVE:

You're wrong... You never were more wrong... I want him to have all the fun and excitement he wants... All I'm asking is that you folks keep him out of trouble; keep him out of jail; keep him from harm or violence...

JACK:

Oh so that's it...

DOC:

I don't get it, Jack...

JACK:

I do... She want us to be guardian angels, conscience, body guards and fall guys for her brother during the next month; she wants us to either fix or take the rap for anything her brother does.

DOC:

And him not carin' WHAT he does.

EVE:

It's worth twenty-five thousand dollars to me....

DOC:

Twenty-FIVE.... Jack, that ain't hay...

JACK:

You mean that?

EVE:

Twenty-five thousand and expenses... And here's a thousand in small bills to show good faith.

JACK:

What about it, Doc?

DOC:

Put that grand in your pocket before she changes her mind...

JACK:

Reggie?

REGGIE:

Quite...

JACK:

You've heard what's been said?

REGGIE:

Every word ... Let's accept...

JACK:

All right Miss Carson, it's a bargain... And a bad one if I'm not mistaken...

EVE:

It won't be easy... The police are looking for Curly right now.

JACK:

What's that?

DOC:

Heeey... You didn't tell us THAT.

EVE:

Why should I....

REGGIE:

(low) I say Jack...

JCK:

Well, Reggie?

REGGIE:

Trouble's coming up...

JACK:

What sort of trouble?

REGGIE:

I'm not quite sure, but that's the third time the hat-check girl has turned customers away.. She keeps telling people the place is full up.

JACK:

Not letting anyone in, huh...?

REGGIE:

No.

JACK:

I wonder if they'd let us out...?

REGGIE:

I think they're just waiting for us to try...

JACK:

Blacky North still unconscious on the piano in the next room?

DOC:

Yeah, still layin' just like I left him...

JACK:

Miss Carson?

EVE:

Well?

JACK:

I think our first move to help your brother will be to free him from those two trigger men over there...

EVE:

They're just Blacky North's men... If you REALLY want to help him, free him from Blacky North...

JACK:

Eventually, but first we'll wrap up those two gorillas... Doc...

DOC:

Yeah...

JACK:

You and I'll go over there...

REGGIE:

I say Jack, what about me?

JACK:

You sit tight with Miss Carson, Reggie... Keep an eye on the next room and especially watch the back door... don't let anyone poke a gun through a crack and open up on us...

EVE:

You'll be shot down before you get half way across the room to my brother...

JACK:

By those two men with him?

EVE:

Yes...

JACK:

Watch and see.. Come on Doc...

DOC:

You bet YOU... (leaving mike) by, Eve, honey...

EVE:

(surprise) (guarded) Why Reggie, what's the matter with Jack... He acts like he was drunk...

REGGIE:

(amused) Good job of acting too...staggering closer and closer to your brother's table in spite of everything Doc can do...

EVE:

You...you mean its just an act...

REGGIE:

They're almost close enough... Now watch...

(PAUSE)

 

JACK:

(back) GET THEM DOC...

DOC:

WHOPEEEE....

FX:

(SOUND OF CRASH OF FURNITURE...BATTLE OF FISTS..GRUNTS...GASPING EXCLAMATIONS..ENDS WITH CRASH OF GLASS AND BODY ROLLING DOWN STAIRS)

DOC:

(gasping) Atta boy, Jack... that's BOTH of 'em...

JACK:

(gasping) Plenty tough babies too...

DOC:

Yeah.... Hello Curly Carson, old kid... How are you?

CURLY:

What's the idea.. Who asked you to crash my party?..

DOC:

Aw don't be mad Curly...

CURLY:

I was sitting here quietly drinking with a couple of friends, the next thing I know you two have beaten them into unconsciousness,,,

DOC:

(amused) They sure are unconscious all right...

CURLY:

Who do you think you are, anyway>

JACK:

How about coming over to our table and talking it over...

CURLY:

Why?

JACK:

Because I think that's how your sister would like it... She IS your sister, isn't she?

CURLY:

Eve? Certainly...

JACK:

Then come one..

DOC:

Hey, Jack, where's Reggie gone?

JACK:

(leaving mike) Hello, maybe Miss Carson'll know...

DOC:

(coming to mike) Hey eve, where's Reggie?

EVE:

(coming to mke) He said he was going out back to mop up...

DOC:

(amused) Yeah, and he's the boy who can do it too...

JACK:

Sit down Carson...

EVE:

Hello, Curly...

CURLY:

What's the idea Eve... Are you the cause of all this?

EVE:

The cause of what, Curly?

CURLY:

The whole Blacky North gang laying around like a bunch of stiffs... Even Blacky himself sprawled across the piano in there...

EVE:

Do you mind, really Curly... I mean they're nothing to you, are they?

CURLY:

Why should they be anything to ME... I just thought they might be amusing, but Eve, if you think anyone's going to bounce Blacky North and his men around the way they've been bounced around tonight, and not PAY for it...

DOC:

How about lettin' US worry about THAT, son...

CURLY:

Who are YOU?

EVE:

Oh I'm sorry... This is Doc Long.. and this is Jack Packard...

DOC:

Yeah and Reggie York's out in the kitchen moppin' up... Oh-oh, here he comes now.. Who's he carryin'?

JACK:

(amused) Looks like he's mopped up your favorite waiter..

DOC:

(amused) Durned if he ain't...

REGGIE:

(coming to mike) (exertion) What about it Jack? Just drop him anywhere?

JACK:

(agrees) Anywhere.

REGGIE:

Righto....

FX:

(SOUND OF BODY FALLING TO FLOOR)

REGGIE:

I've also got the bartender laid out in the kitchen and the hat check girl's tied up and gagged in the ladies room.

DOC:

(amused) Reggie, son, you've bin busier'n a couple of bird dogs...

JACK:

(amused) Well if everything's under control, how about shaking hands with Curly Carson...

REGGIE:

QUITE... Glad to know you Carson..

CURLY:

Same here.. But will you tell me what it's all about?

JACK:

Sure... Your sister here has hired us to play body guard and fall guy for you during the next month...

CURLY:

She told you I'd be dead in a month...

JACK:

That's right...

CURLY:

And that during that time I intend doing whatever it suits me to do?

JACK:

Yes?

CURLY:

And you three guys are crazy enough to agree to see me through?

JACK:

Why not?

CURLY:

(shrugs) Suits ME.. you asked for it...

DOC:

You seem doubtful, feller...

CURLY...:

Naturally...

DOC:

I don't know WHY... We took you away from the Blacky North gang without no particular trouble tonight...

CURLY:

You aren't through with the North gang by a long way..

DOC:

They're dangerous?

CURLY:

Unless you or the police put Black North out of the way, he'll get YOU, as sure as we're sitting here.

JACK:

Let's not worry about that for now... Your sister said the police wanted you...

CURLY:

Eve, you TOLD...

EVE:

Why not... They're here to protect you from the police as well as everyone else...

CURLY:

Is that on the square?

JACK:

Looks like it...We gave our word we'd see you through everything for a month...

CURLY:

Well, if...if you mean it...

JACK:

We do... Now why do the police want you?

CURLY:

They don't KNOW they want me... They just want the guy who stole this handful of diamonds out of a certain Movie Star's bedroom last night...

REGGIE:

Oh look here...

DOC:

Holy Mackeral, Jack... LOOKY at them diamonds...

JACK:

Anybody else know you stole them?

CURLY:

No.

JACK:

Why did you do it?

CURLY:

Just for the thrill... Just to see if I could

JACK:

Mind if I take them...

CURLY:

(shrugs) Sure, why not.... What do you want them for?

JACK:

I was just thinking how pleased the police would be to come along and find these diamonds in Blacky North's pocket...

DOC:

(amused) Yeah, and how surprised Blacky'd be...

CURLY:

You...You mean plant them on Blacky?

JACK:

Why not? Didn't you say that unless we finished him off or the police got him, he'd stop at nothing until we were dead?

CURLY:

Yes, that's true... and... and the policy have been TRYING to get something on him for a long time...

JACK:

Then we're doing two good deeds... Helping the police capture a long-wanted criminal and fixing it so we won't be murdered..... Doc, go out to the bar and get the police on the telephone...

DOC:

Tell them to hurry out to Maggie's Intimate Drinking Saloon?

JACK:

Salon, Doc...

DOC:

Yeah, and what shall I say when they ask who's talkin'?

JACK:

Tell them you're fairy godmother to all good policement...

DOC:

(amused) Man that's somethin' I ALWAYS wanted to be ...(leaving mike) Fairy Godmother to a policeman...

EVE:

Jack, we're not going to be here when the police arrive are we?

JACK:

Not at all.. As quick as Doc has stirred up the Police, I suggest we adjourn to the Carson home for a good night's rest...

EVE:

Yes, everything's prepared for you three to stay with us.

CURLY:

No, I don't want to go home.

EVE:

But Curly....

CURLY:

I don't WANT good night's rest... You know what I want to do?

JACK:

What do you want to do?

CURLY:

I want to rob a bank...

EVE:

CURLY..

CURLY:

And I know just the bank I want to rob...

JACK:

Curly, you can't rob a bank...

CURLY:

Yes I can... for thirty days I can do anything I want to, and you've agreed to cover up for me.

JACK:

Why do you want to rob a bank?

CURLY:

Because I've never robbed a bank and in thirty days I'll be dead...

FX:

(WIND AND BELLS)

ANN:

(COMMERCIAL)

FX:

(ORGAN THEME)

ANN:

The Further Adventures of the Three Comrades and the man who had to die in Thirty Days will come to you next Thursday at this same hour. I Love A Mystery comes to you through the courtesy of the makers of Fleishmann's High Vitamin Yeast. This is the National Broadcasting Company....