Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Life of Riley
Show: Catalina
Date: Date Unknown

Transcript courtesy of American Radio Theater

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FX:

Music

ANNOUNCER:

Listen again next week, same time when Teel for a Beautiful Smile brings you the Life of Riley for laughs. This is NBC the National Broadcasting Company.

FX:

Bing, bing, bong

KEN CARPENTER:

Teel for a beautiful smile - the Life of Riley for Laughs.

FX:

Music Introduction - and then bring up under announcer's second sentence.

KEN:

Teel, T E E L, Teel the amazing liquid dentifrice. That's it. T E E L.

FX: Music up

KEN:

Teel the amazing liquid dentifrice brings you The Life of Riley with William Bendix as Riley.

FX:

Applause

Remember friends, for a beautiful smile get T E E L, Teel, and right now it's The Life of Riley.

FX:

Music intro

KEN:

Chester Ray Riley considers himself a tolerant father. He believes.in allowing his teenage daughter Babs to do whatever she pleases, as long as what she does pleases him. And one of the things that definitely does not please Riley is Babs' persistent boyfriend, a certain young swain by the name of Simon Vanderhopper.

RILEY:

The nerve of that Simon. 11 o'clock and he ain't brought Babs home. Where did they go Peg?

PEG:

Well Simon had tickets for Toscanini's Orchestra.

RILEY:

I knew it. I knew it. I told him a thousand times not to take Babs dancing at Ocean Park.

PEG:

Riley, you don't dance to Toscanini. Honest I don't know why you got it in for Simon. He's a polite boy isn't he?

RILEY:

Well, yeah.

PEG:

And he's an honest boy.

RILEY:

Yeah.

PEG:

And he's an ambitious boy.

RILEY:

Yeah.

PEG:

Well then what have you got against him?

RILEY:

He's a boy. And Babs is too young to go with boys.

PEG:

Oh, for heaven's sake. Don't you want Babs to get married some day?

RILEY:

Well sure, but she don't have to go out with boys.

PEG:

If she doesn't know any boys then tell me how on earth is she going to get a husband?

RILEY:

I'll think of something.

PEG:

Oh, you just don't make sense. Don't you realize it's a good thing for a young girl to go out with a lot of boys so she can pick and choose. That's what I did.

RILEY:

Yeah and look who you wound up with.

PEG:

You don't even know what you're saying anymore. Go on to bed.

RILEY:

No, I'm gonna wait up for that Simon, and when he....SHHH, they're here. They're out on the porch. Yeah I hear Simon talking to Babs.

PEG:

Now, you're not going out on that porch and make a scene.

RILEY:

Don't worry, Simon's perfectly safe as long as just keeps talking.

FX:

MUSIC TRANSITION

BABS:

Well, goodnight Simon. Thanks for everything. I enjoyed the concert.

SIMON:

So did I. Especially Ravel's Bolero. There's something about the passionate beat of the tom toms that brings out the primitive beast in me. Why before I knew it I ate three bags of lady fingers.

BABS:

Well, I'd better go in now.

SIMON:

You know Babs this has been an unforgetable evening. Especially that ride home on the bus. What a thrill.

BABS:

A thrill? We were jammed in that bus like sardines.

SIMON:

Yes, and every time the driver stepped on the brake, you stepped on my foot. It was most enjoyable.

BABS:

Simon, how you talk.

SIMON: Can't you see what I'm trying to tell ya? I love ya, Babs. I love ya madly.

BABS:

What's gotten into you lately?

SIMON:

I've changed. All my life I was like a tiny brook that trickles gently down the mountainside. Then you came along and wham, I'm Boulder Dam.

BABS:

Simon, stop being silly.

SIMON:

Oh, excuse me. I don't know what I'm saying. Let's get married.

BABS:

Simon, its late. You really have to go.

SIMON:

Oh, all right, I'll go, but first somebody's gotta kiss me.

BABS:

Somebody? Who?

SIMON:

Somebody who's sweet and exciting and gorgeous.

BABS:

Ohh, ho, well that couldn't be me.

FX:

DOOR OPENING

RILEY:

Well if he means me, nothin' doin'.

BABS:

Daddy!

SIMON:

Mr. Riley!

RILEY:

Simon, for the last time, get out of this house.

PEG:

Oh, Riley, Riley you'll wake up all the neighbors. Come inside Simon.

SIMON:

But if I do Mr. Riley will...

PEG:

Don't worry his bark is worse than his bite.

SIMON:

You mean he bites too?

RILEY:

Peg, you let me handle this. Why did he ask Babs to marry him.

SIMON:

I love her.

RILEY:

That's the silliest excuse I ever heard. Why you ain't got a cent to your name. You couldn't even take Babs on a decent honeymoon.

SIMON:

Oh Yes I could. A friend of mine promised to lend me his motor launch and I could take Babs on a cruise.

RILEY:

Humph. I can just see the three of us in a small motor launch.

SIMON:

Three of us?

RILEY:

You don't think I'd trust my daughter alone with you on your honeymoon?

PEG:

Riley, will you please stop this jabbering.

RILEY:

Now look here Simon. Before a couple gets married the man has gotta make sure of three things. A place to live, a bank account, and a job.

SIMON:

I guess you're right Mr. Riley.

RILEY:

You bet your life I'm right. Like when I married my wife. She had a place to live, her father had a bank account, and I ...Simon, get out of this house.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

WALDO:

Yoo hoo, Mr. Riley. It's me Waldo Benny.

RILEY:

Oh, hello, Waldo. How's my little friend and neighbor.

WALDO:

Oh, my sagging sacroilliac.

RILEY:

Well, what's the trouble Waldo.

WALDO:

Well I just came from Doctor Quimby. He said I have to cut down on cigarettes. Two packs a day is too much.

RILEY:

Why Waldo, you smoke forty cigarettes a day?

WALDO:

Oh, I don't smoke them, I eat them. They're chocolate cigarettes.

RILEY:

Oh, but chocolate cigarettes can't hurt you're throat.

WALDO: Oh, my brand can, they have nuts in them.

RILEY:

You think you got trouble, Waldo. My daughter's mad at me because I threw her boyfriend out again last night.

WALDO:

Well, Mr. Riley I think you made a fatal error.

RILEY:

But Waldo, I hadda. He's talking about marrying Babs.

WALDO:

He's only doing what comes naturally. Remember, if you try to keep young lovers apart you'll only drive them into each other's arms. Why look at Romeo and Juliet.

RILEY: Well, they were different. You, you can't compare that loafer Simon to a nice boy like Juliet.

WALDO:

Well, if you want my advice Mr. Riley, let Babs see Simon constantly and do you know what'll happen?

RILEY:

What?

WALDO:

She'll get sick of him.

RILEY:

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll sicken her with Simon. Only she might get suspicious I'm up to something.

WALDO:

Well, just tell her that you thought it over and you realize that their desire for companionship is perfectly normal.

RILEY:

Yeah, that's it, perfectly normal.

WALDO:

After all, you were a boy once.

RILEY:

I was a boy once.

WALDO: It's just a matter of using psychology, Mr. Riley. After a few dozen dates, Babs will get so bored with Simon that she'll throw him over.

RILEY:

That's it Waldo. Boy this is a great idea. It's an idea only a genius could think up, and I'm certainly glad I thought of it.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

BABS:

Mother, why can't I see Simon?

PEG:

Because your father says you can't. It's not a very good reason, but it's the only way to keep peace.

BABS:

Oh, but it isn't fair. After all I'm 16 and I don't see why.....

RILEY:

What's going on here? What's wrong?

PEG:

Nothings wrong. I've just been telling Babs she can't see Simon any more.

RILEY:

What? Why Peg how can you be so cruel? I think Babs should see Simon all she wants.

PEG:

What!

BABS:

Why Daddy, do you mean that?

RILEY:

Why sure. Peg, don't you realize companionship is a perfect boy. After all I was normal once.

PEG:

Oh well, maybe you were, but you can't prove it by me.

BABS:

Daddy you're a darling.

RILEY:

I'm only trying to be a good father, Babsy, and protect you. To me your romance with Simon is like a delicate flower. Just beginning to grow. And I'm the pot.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

FX DOOR BELL Door opening

BABS:

Why Simon, what are you doing here so early in the morning?

SIMON:

It's happened Babs. Hoist the jib and weight the anchor. My friend is lending me his boat for the day.

BABS:

Oh, that's snazzy.

SIMON:

I'm taking you all to Catalina Island.

BABS:

Catalina, Oh, Mother isn't that wonderful.

PEG:

Oh, will there be room in the boat for all of us?

SIMON:

Sure, everybody. Babs, you and the old ... I mean Mr. Riley. But we gotta leave right away.

PEG:

Oh, my husband won't be home from work 'til noon.

SIMON:

Oh, he can take the passenger boat and meet us over in Catalina, and then sail back with us.

BABS:

That's a good idea Mother.

PEG:

Well, yes, I think that'd be alright. I'll leave a note for your father in the icebox where he'll be sure to see it.

SIMON:

Well come on mates. Times a wastin' Mrs. Riley, so lift your anchor.

PEG:

While I change my dress you kids run down to the delicatessen and get some sandwiches. I'll pack the bathing suits and meet you there in a jiffy.

BABS:

OK mother. I'll take this little valice along to put the lunch in.

SIMON:

Come on Babs, hurry. I gotta stop and get a fishing license.

BABS:

OK, lets go Simon.

FX:

Steps to door. Door opens and then closes. Footsteps continue as they talk

BABS:

Where is the boat, Simon?

SIMON:

Santa Monica. It's tied up at pier 65.

BABS:

Oh, Good morning Mr. Benny.

WALDO:

Oh, My, My, you two youngsters look like you're going places.

BABS:

Yes, and we're in an awful hurry Mr. Benny. Goodby. Simon, do you think Daddy will catch up with us?

FX (VOICES FADE AWAY AS THEY LEAVE)

SIMON:

Don't worry about that now. Come on, we gotta get that license

WALDO:

Hummm. I wonder where they're off to with that suitcase. Eh. License, oh my, oh mercy, oh heavens to betsy.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

WALDO:

Mr. Riley, Mr. Riley.

RILEY:

Oh Waldo, what are you doing down here at the plant?

WALDO:

They wouldn't call you to use the phone. Mr. Riley, guess what.

RILEY:

What?

WALDO:

I just saw Simon leaving your house with Babs.

RILEY:

Oh, fine. Everything's working according to plan. I told Babs she could see him.

WALDO:

But Simon was carrying a suitcase.

RILEY:

Well, naturally. He's a gentleman. He wouldn't let a lady carry ....carry...ehdyuh dyuh . Suitcase? Waldo?

WALDO:

Yes, they're eloping. They went to get a license and they're going on a boat.

RILEY:

They're eloping. My little Babsy. Waldo I gotta stop them.

WALDO:

The boat's at Santa Monica. I think he said pier 65. Yes, 65. Now don't forget the number.

RILEY:

Oh, don't worry I'll remember. It's the same figure as on my paycheck. Come on we gotta get down there right away. There's the bus, hurry up.

FX:

BUS SOUNDS COMING AND GOING

WALDO:

It's leaving

RILEY:

Hey, bus. Wait, wait, BUS, Wait. Missed it. Never mind. Hey, Taxi. Taxi.

FX:

Screech of brakes, bell ringing

CABBIE:

Taxi mister?

RILEY:

Yeah, quick taxi. Catch that bus.

FX:

DOOR SLAM - SOUNDS OF CAR DRIVING AWAY

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

RILEY:

There it is Waldo, pier 56. I hope we're in time.

WALDO:

Mr. Riley, I think it was pier 65.

RILEY:

Naw, no no it was 56.

WALDO:

But you said it's the same figure as your paycheck and that's 65.

RILEY:

Well you're forgettin the withholding tax. I only collect 56.

WALDO:

Oh, Well maybe I got my digits mixed up

RILEY:

You and your digits give me the fidgets. I tell you its 56. Look there's only one boat tied up at that pier. That must be it.

WALDO:

Nobody's on it.

RILEY:

Oh what a break, we beat them down here. Come on, let's get on the boat.

WALDO:

Wait, wait. Look, there's two girls standing near the boat. My aren't they lovely. A redhead and a blond.

RILEY:

Yeah, Hey why are they pointing at the boat like that. Can you hear what they're saying?

WALDO:

No, we're too far away. Let's just lie low here until they... (fade away)

KAY:

Oh you have a gorgeous boat vivien.

VIVIEN:

Yes, and you'll just love the trip to Catalina, Kay. Say my folks are expecting us for dinner.

KAY:

I'm looking forward to the weekend.

VIVIEN:

Gee, I hope you won't find it too dull without any um, boys around.

KAY:

Oh, I guess I'll survive.

VIVIEN:

Well, let's get aboard.

KAY:

Oh, I forgot. I want to take your folks a box of candy.

VIVIEN:

Oh, forget it.

KAY:

No, no I insist. Come on there's a drugstore a few blocks down the street (voices fade into background)

RILEY:

Waldo, they're going away. Now is our chance to sneak on board. Come on.

WALDO:

Yeah.

FX:

RUNNING FOOTSTEPS,

RILEY:

Jump in the boat. Come on.

FX:

SOUNDS OF CLIMBING INTO BOAT

WALDO:

Yep, yep. There. Now what's our next move Mr. Riley

RILEY:

Well, let's hide in the cabin under the bunk.

WALDO:

Yeah.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS

RILEY:

Close the door.

FX:

DOOR CLOSING

RILEY:

O.K. Now here's the plan. We hide in this cabin until Simon and Babs get aboard.

WALDO:

And then we rush up on deck and confront the guilty pair.

RILEY:

No, they might escape to the shore and elope again. We wait until we get a few miles out and then we rush up on deck and when we do there's gonna be two people who wished they'd never set foot on this boat.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

KEN CARPENTER:

Teel will bring you the second act of the Life of Riley in just a moment. Meanwhile this is Ken Carpenter. Don't wait for that warning signal...

WOMAN:

Tender gums.

KEN:

Serious dental trouble is often forecast by

WOMAN:

Tender gums.

KEN:

If your gums were tender, sore, when you brushed your teeth this morning, there are two common sense things to do. First, see your dentist. And second stop all gum irritation. Dental authorities say that brushing with toothpaste and powders which contain harsh abrasives is irritating. It only makes things worse. And with gums already tender and sore, further gum irritation must be stopped. That's why I urge you at the first sign of tender gums switch to Teel, the liquid dentifrice. Teel contains no abrasives so Teel does not irritate even tender gums. Teel is good for tender gums. In fact, because Teel is a liquid, it reduces the irritating affect of the brush itself, authorities say. Teel lets you massage your gums gently. Once you've used Teel the chances are you'll continue. You'll like the way it makes teeth look sparkling clean, the way it helps sweeten your breath, and gives your mouth a refreshed, tingling taste. So when gums hurt, see your dentist, and switch to Teel. Better yet, don't wait for that warning signal. Get Teel now and follow directions on the package. Remember, that's Teel,

T E E L, Teel, the modern liquid dentifrice.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

KEN:

And now back to the Life of Riley, with William Bendix as Riley.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

KEN:

Well, Riley mistakenly believes that his daughter and her boyfriend are eloping on a motor launch. Actually, Simon is merely taking Babs and Mrs. Riley on a boat ride to Catalina. To make matters worse, Riley and Waldo have hidden themselves on the wrong boat. A boat belonging to two very attractive young ladies. Right now, the wrong boat is well out at sea, and Riley and Waldo are still stowing away.

FX:

BOAT SOUNDS

WALDO:

Mr. Riley, wake up. Mr. Riley

RILEY:

Wha, whaa...Where am I.

WALDO:

On a boat. We fell asleep.

RILEY:

Well what.... Oh a boat. Simon and Babs they're eloping.

WALDO:

Yes, I just heard two pairs of footsteps up on deck.

RILEY:

I'll teach those two a lesson they'll never forget. I'm going up there and put both of them across my knee. Come on, Waldo.

FX:

DOOR OPENING - STEPS

VIVIEN:

Girl, Oh, isn't this the most beautiful day you ever saw.

RILEY:

Now I got you Simon

VIVIEN:

Help, let go of me

RILEY:

I know it's you Simon, you can't fool me with that blond wig. You...duh, duh. Simon is a girl.

VIVIEN:

Say, who are you. What are you doing here anyway.

RILEY:

Oh, gee I I I'm sorry. I'm looking for Simon.

KAY:

Oh, your little boy. He's right behind you.

WALDO:

Madam, I'm 47.

RILEY:

Well, I'm sorry ladies. This is the wrong boat. I guess me and Waldo will get off now.

VIVIEN:

Take it easy buster. We're a mile from shore.

RILEY:

Oh yeah, well we'll go back in the cabin we don't want to disturb you.

VIVIEN:

Why stay in that stuffy cabin. We don't mind a little company, do we Kay?

KAY:

Ohhhh. Not at all, if it's the right kind of company. Vivian, why don't you show Waldo around the boat.

VIVIEN:

Oh, I'd love to. Come on, Waldo. Take my hand.

WALDO:

Yes, madam.

KAY:

Oh, why don't you sit down, big boy.

RILEY:

Uh, uh, why, uh, thanks....Big Girl.

KAY:

Oh, not way over there. Over here, next to me. What's the matter, you afraid of me?

RILEY:

No, noooo, why should I be affffraid offf you.

KAY:

Ho ho, I bet you're not afraid of anybody. A strong, handsome brute like you. Tell me, where'd you get those big broad shoulders?

RILEY:

They came with the suit.

KAY:

(Laughter)....You're cute.

RILEY:

Oh, don't say that.

KAY:

But you are cute.

RILEY:

Yeah, I know, but don't say it.

KAY:

My the air is chilly. I'm shivering.

RILEY:

Oh well here, use my coat.

KAY:

Oh I'd just as soon use your arm. Don't be bashful

RILEY:

No, no I can't. I'm using my arm to hold down my hat.

KAY:

You shouldn't hide that beautiful wavy hair under a hat. My I'd love to run my fingers through that hair.

RILEY:

Well thanks, but, but I got a cold. I, I, I'd better find Waldo.

KAY:

Oh, now don't worry about him. He's over on the other side of the boat with Vivien.

RILEY:

Errrrr Err.

KAY:

Don't sit on the edge of the bench like that. Move closer.

RILEY:

Uhhhhh

KAY:

Closer. Oh you can get closer than that. Like this. Seeee.

RILEY:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh Whooaaaaaa...ooooooh nooooooo

WALDO:

Quiet Mr. Riley, Vivien's fallen asleep.

RILEY:

Excuse me a minute, lady.

FX FOOTSTEPS

RILEY:

Waldo, come here a minute.

FX FOOTSTEPS

WALDO:

What is it Mr. Riley.

RILEY:

Well come over here to the side.

WALDO:

Yes. What's up.

RILEY:

Listen, Waldo. Do you realize what we walked into. We're all alone on a boat with two gorgeous girls who are boy crazy.

WALDO:

Never happened to me before.

RILEY:

Oh, me neither.

WALDO:

Um.

RILEY:

Under the circumstances, there's only one thing to do.

WALDO:

You mean....

RILEY; Yeah.

WALDO:

Isn't that a little risky?

RILEY:

We're real men ain't we? We gotta take the chance. It's now or never.

WALDO:

Alright, I'm with you.

RILEY:

O.K. Let's go.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS, SPASHES

RILEY:

Come on, Waldo, swim for shore.

FX:

MUSIC INTERLUDE

WALDO:

Well, we made it Mr. Riley. Oh, what a swim.

RILEY:

O.K. Waldo, now you can get off my back.

WALDO:

Oh dear, I'm afraid we're on a deserted island.

RILEY:

Yeah, yeah. We better build a fire. I'll go get some wood.

WALDO; Well hurry back Mr. Riley, I'm afraid to stay here alone.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS

RILEY:

Gee, it's dark in these woods.

FX steps RUSTLING

RILEY Whoops.

FX THUDS

RILEY:

Ooooh. Holy smoke I fell into a hole. Now who'd dig a hole like this in the woods.

DIGGER:

Ho there Riley. Is that you way down there.

RILEY:

Duh.... Who's that.

DIGGER:

Tis I, Digby O'Dell, the friendly undertaker.

RILEY:

Digger, Boy I'm glad to see you.

DIGGER:

Greetings, Riley. You're looking fine. Very natural.

RILEY:

Digger, did you put this hole here?

DIGGER:

Oh, no. I'm on a vacation. Here, let me give you a lift.

RILEY:

Oh, good

DIGGER:

Uhg upsy daisy

RILEY There. Gee, I coulda' broken my neck.

DIGGER:

Some people are so careless. Whenever I dig a hole, I fill it up.

RILEY:

Digger, Digger what are you doing here on this deserted island?

DIGGER:

Deserted island?

RILEY:

Hum.

DIGGER:

Ho, Ho, Ho. This is Catalina.

RILEY:

Oh.

DIGGER:

Ah Yes. I visit here often with the boys of the U E. P C.D.S.

RILEY:

The U. E. P. C. D. S.?

DIGGER:

Yes, the Undertakers, Embalmers, and Pallbearers Clam Digging Society. Today we spent the day fishing. I caught three of my favorite fish. Croakers. But what brings you here, Riley.

RILEY:

Well, I was trying to stop an elopment. You see

DIGGER:

Ah, I too once eloped. One dark night my betrothed and I hopped into my business vehicle and raced for Niagara Falls, but we had to turn back.

RILEY:

Well, what happened?

DIGGER:

I forgot about Old Man McGillicuddy in the back. And you know on a honeymoon, two's company, three's a crowd. Oh, I adore honeymoons, they're so gay (sobbing).

RILEY:

Oh, if only my Babs would turn back.

DIGGER:

Babs?

RILEY Yeah.

DIGGER:

Riley, you mean that it's your child of a daughter who's eloping. Why didn't you say so. I just saw her a half hour ago with that Vanderhoffer boy on the pier.

RILEY:

On the pier. Well I gotta get over there right away. Oh, I hope I'm not too late. When I catch up with that Simon, I'll fix him.

DIGGER Could I help?

RILEY:

No thanks, Digger, this is my job.

DIGGER:

Yes, perhaps you'd better lay him out yourself. Yes, cheerie-oh, I'd better be....shoveling off.

FX MUSIC INTERLUDE

BABS:

Oh, this is fun Simon. You know I've never fished before.

SIMON:

Now just remember what I told you, Babs. The minute you get a bite, start reeling in your line.

BABS:

Simon, do you see mother anywhere. She should have found Daddy by now.

SIMON:

Oh, don't worry. He'll show up.

BABS:

Well maybe you didn't.......

FX Reel turning (CONTINUE UNDER DIALOGUE)

BABS:

Simon, I have a bite

SIMON:

Oh really. Reel it in, Reel it in.

BABS:

I'm reeling.

SIMON:

Reel faster. Don't let him get away.

BABS:

I see him, Simon.

SIMON:

Keep reeling. Hey you got him.

BABS: Oh oh!

SIMON:

Oh that a girl, Babs.

BABS:

Oh, Simon, what a thrill. My first fish.

SIMON:

Here, let me take him off the line for you.

BABS:

Simon look over there. That man running towards us.

SIMON:

Hey, that looks like

FX RUNNING STEPS

SIMON:

Your father.

BABS:

Why it is Daddy. Oh, Daddy. Daddy. Here we are.

FX:

Running footsteps closer and then stop

BABS:

Oh, Gee, Daddy, we thought you'd......

RILEY:

Babs, my little darlin', At last I've found you.

BABS:

Oh, Daddy, congratulate me. I just hooked him

RILEY:

Oh, I'm too late.

SIMON:

Too bad Mr. Riley, you should have been here earlier.

RILEY:

You, why you --You won't get away with this Simon. You'll wind up behind bars.

SIMON:

But Mr. Riley it's perfectly legal. We've got a license. Here, read it.

RILEY:

That license won't hold up in court. You're too young for this.

SIMON:

Too young? I've been getting one every year since I was 13.

RILEY:

You started at 13?

SIMON:

Sure. This is my favorite sport.

RILEY:

Sport? What's happening to the younger generation.

PEG:

Riley, Riley, I could hear you yelling at the other end of the island.

RILEY:

Peg, Oh, Peg. We're too late. We've lost our little girl. They're married.

PEG:

Married?

RILEY:

Look, a license. See. This license entitles bearer to fish in California waters. Uh, wait a minute, this license only give you the right to marry a fish. You, you, uhhhhh.

BABS:

It's only a fishhing license, daddy. We're not married.

RILEY:

Errrrgghh.

PEG:

Oh, Riley. Ha, Ha, Ha

RILEY:

Well, uhh, wait a minute. You mean Babs and Simon didn't elope. They didn't get married. I aint' gonna lose my little girl.

PEG:

Of course not.

RILEY:

What a revoltin' development this is.

FX MUSIC

KEN:

The Riley's will be back in half a minute. Remember, when Gums are tender it's just common sense to avoid further irritation. Change from toothpaste or powder to Teel. The non-abrasive, liquid dentifrice. Teel not only makes teeth sparkling clean but actually is good for tender gums. That's T.E.E.L., Teel.

FX:

MUSIC

PEG:

But Riley, I still don't understand how you got to Catalina.

RILEY:

Uh, I, duh, Let's wait til we get back to shore. I'll think of an answer by then. I mean, uhhhh.....

BABS:

But you weren't on the passenger boat, Daddy.

PEG Yes, where were you Riley.

WALDO:

Well, you see Mrs. Riley it was this way.

RILEY: Shut up, Waldo.

FX Beep beep beep

VIVIEN:

Yohoo, hello there.

RILEY; Who's that.

SIMON:

Two girls in a boat over there. A redhead and a blonde. They're waving at you Mr. Riley.

RILEY:

Uh, Two girls. A redhead and a blond head. I, I, I.

WALDO:

Those are the girls....

RILEY:

Shut up, Waldo.

WALDO:

Oh..

PEG Riley, do you know those girls?

RILEY:

Who, me. Uh, he, he he

VIVIEN:

Hi there, Riley.

PEG:

They called you Riley.

RILEY:

No, no., you didn't hear good. They, they, said smiley.

PEG:

No they didn't. They mean you.

VIVIEN:

What's cookin' handsome.

PEG:

Oh, oh, handsome. Oh then they can't mean you.

FX:

MUSIC

KEN:

Proctor and Gamble, makers of Teel, the amazing liquid dentifrice, invite you to be their guests next week to hear the life of riley with William Bendix as Riley. The Life of Riley is produced for Teel by Irving Brecker and is directed by Don Bernard, Music by Lou Kosloff. This is Ken Carpenter on behalf of Teel inviting you to listen again next week to the Life of Riley and remember, for lovely smiles, its T.E.E.L., Teel. Teel the amazing liquid dentifrice protects teeth beautifully.

ANNOUNCER:

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