Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Ma Perkins
Show: Typical Episode ca 1935
Date: Date Unknown

Here's a published script from the 1938 book How to Write for Radio by James Whipple. No date is given.



CAST:
ANNOUNCER
DR. STEVENS
MA PERKINS
WILLY

ANNOUNCER:

And now for Ma Perkins! Well, the mystery surrounding the strange explosion in Ma's lumberyard is still unsolved! All anyone knows is that Ma's son-in-law, Willy Fitz, had built a shack at the far end of the lumberyard, had been spending quite a lot of time there--when suddenly the whole thing blew up! Willy was injured and taken to the hospital. Ma refused to let Chief of Police Tookey question Willy yesterday. But you can be sure Ma herself is wondering what caused this terrible explosion. Here she is visiting Willy at the hospital. Dr. Stevens is there with her.

STEVENS:

(Brightly.) Yes, Willy. I'm happy to tell you that you're doing fine!

MA:

(Brightly.) Oh, that's jest th' best news a body could want--Doc Stevens! Ain't it, Willy?

WILLY:

(Weak, but not nearly so much as before.) Yeah, it--it sure is, Doc Stevens!

STEVENS:

Yes, sir! You'll be out of the hospital in a week sure!

WILLY:

(Sadly.) Do I--have to--stay here that long?

MA:

(Gently.) Land o' Goshen, ya hafta git th' proper rest 'n' attention, Willy!

STEVENS:

(Easily.) Oh, of course, Willy! You must remember that piece of timber that struck you on the head gave you a pretty bad concussion! (Ma affirms.)

WILLY:

(Thinking.) Yeah--my head sure does--feel sore! Gee, I know that!

STEVENS:

Naturally! And in addition you must rest that leg of yours, you know.

MA:

(Gently.) Uh-huh, Willy. Ya mustn't forgit Doc Stevens had to take eight stitches in yer leg! 'N' that big gash 'ull take time to heal! (Stevens affirms.)

WILLY:

Yeah--I guess it will at that!

STEVENS:

(Gently.) And a week isn't really so long, Willy! Why, it'll pass like nothing!

MA:

(Brightly.) Sure 'twill! 'N' my lands, you'll git a chance to do plenty of readin'! 'N' I'll be up to see ya! 'N' Evey. 'N' Shuffle!

WILLY:

But, gee, Maw--a--whole week! Just laying here!

STEVENS:

(Gently, firmly.) Now, Willy! You have to be sensible. You don't want to take a chance of making that leg a lot worse, do you?

WILLY:

(Soberly.) No--sure I don't, Doc! Gosh!

MA:

Then ya hafta give it a chance to heal, Willy!

STEVENS:

And you had a pretty bad shock to your nerves, too! So that requires rest and quiet, aside from anything else! (Ma affirms.)

WILLY:

(Resignedly.) Well,--I guess if I have to stay,--then--I--I'll have to stay! That's all.

STEVENS:

(Chuckles.) That's a lot better, Willy.

MA:

(Brightly.) 'Course 'tis! 'N' with th' good rest 'n' attention yer gettin' here in th' hospital you'll be out 'n' back to work in no time a-tall.

WILLY:

(Chuckles. Weakly.) Well, I--I don't honestly feel so much like work right now, Maw!

MA:

Natcherly ya don't. Yer still a mite weak, Willy!

STEVENS:

(Brightly.) But you'll feel better every day now. You watch!

WILLY:

(Warmly.) Well, you--you sure have been swell, Doc. Honest!

STEVENS:

(Easily.) Nothing at all, Willy! And--I'll be back to see you again late this afternoon.

WILLY:

All right, Doc! Th-thanks!

STEVENS:

(Fading.) Goodby, Maw!

MA:

Goodby, Doc Stevens!

BIZ:

HIS FOOTSTEPS BRIEFLY TO THE DOOR. IT OPENS AND CLOSES.

WILLY:

(Warmly.) Gee, he's a swell doctor, Maw!

MA:

(Stoutly.) Oh, indeed, he is! 'N' land o' Goshen, I kin tell ya Doc Stevens is jest as fine a man as he is a doctor, too.

WILLY:

Yeah,--he's been so darned gentle with my leg.

MA:

Well,--I'm glad he hasn't hurt ya much! 'N' it'll be comin' 'long fine, now!

WILLY:

(Wearily.) Oh, I suppose. But--I must look pretty badly banged up, don't I, Maw?

MA:

(Easily.) Why, my lands. Ya don't look bad a-tall! Them bruises 'n cuts on yer face 'ull heal in no time! 'N' so will that cut on yer head!

WILLY:

Well, I--I sure feel a lot better today, no matter how I look.

MA:

Ya look a hull lot better, too, Willy! Did ya eat a good breakfast this mornin'?

WILLY:

(Brightly.) Yeah--I had some orange juice! And some soft-boiled eggs and toast and coffee.

MA:

(Chuckles.) Land o' livin'! That was a fine breakfast. 'N' ya need all that good food in ya fer nourishment! So's ya git well faster!

WILLY:

Uh-huh! I was hungry! But say, Maw (she's attentive), did you talk to Evey this morning?

MA:

(Easily.) Yep--jest before I came over here to th' hospital!

WILLY:

Did she say what time she'd be over?

MA:

She said she'd be over right after lunch! Jest as soon as she gits Junior fed 'n' on his way back to school!

WILLY:

(Happily.) Aw, that's swell. Gee--she's such a darned good wife, Maw! Honest! I--I guess sometimes I don't appreciate her enough.

MA:

(Gently.) Well, natcherly, she was purty much upset when I 'phoned her to come down th' hospital here--

WILLY:

(Thinking.) She--she was crying when she came in, Maw.

MA:

(Softly.) Yes, I--I know she was, Willy.

WILLY:

Gosh, and--even as--as bad as I felt, I--I could have kicked myself for--for worrying Evey like that!

MA:

(Sighs.) Oh, mebbe that's all jest a part o' life! But--sometimes ya do worry her a good deal, Willy. 'N' they's moments when ya worry me, too!

WILLY:

(Penitent.) I--I know, Maw! You--you must be pretty sore at me for--for what happened!

MA:

(Kindly.) Oh, 'tain't so much that I'm mad at ya! I--I'm jest happy yer all right, Willy! 'N' that ya didn't git hurt any worse 'n' ya did!

WILLY:

(Worried.) Was there much damage to the lumberyard, Maw?

MA:

Oh--not so much!

WILLY:

Just what--damage was there, Maw?

MA:

(Easily.) Well, there was 'bout a ten-foot section of th' fence torn out leadin' right up to th' railroad sidin'! But that won't take much to fix.

WILLY:

Anything else, Maw?

MA:

Yes--th'--th' shack you put up back there was jest torn all to pieces purty near!

WILLY:

(Amazed.) The whole darned thing?

MA:

(Soberly.) Yep. When Shuffle 'n' me got up there--right after th' explosion happened--why, there wasn't much left of enythin' 'sides broken pieces of th' shack 'n' th' fence layin' 'round!

WILLY:

Good golly! (Ma affirms.) Wh--where was I laying, Maw?

MA:

(Soberly.) Under one of th' side walls of that shack ya put up! (Sighs.) I jest dunno how in th' name o' common sense that managed to stay whole, th' way everythin' else was ripped to pieces!

WILLY:

(Amazed.) Gee whiz! And, I--I was under that side wall of the shack?

MA:

Yep--Rufus came runnin' up! 'N' between th' three o' us we got ya out! Then Shuffle 'n' Rufus carried ya to th' office 'n I called th' ambulance!

WILLY:

(Thinking.) Whew! I--I just didn't know what hit me, I guess.

MA:

(Serious.) You was purty well out, when we found ya! 'N' that leg was bleedin' right bad, too!

WILLY:

I must have looked like a mess, all right!

MA:

(Stoutly.) Indeed you did, Willy! We was jest scared to death you was hurt a hull lot more 'n' it turned out!

WILLY:

Huh! Well, Maw--did the explosion hurt any of the stock bins?

MA:

(Easily.) No. Jest as it happened, they was fur enough away so's th' explosion didn't hurt 'em! 'Course, some of th' lumber was upset 'n' had to be straightened out!

WILLY:

(Thankful.) Gosh, I'm glad there was no other damage, though!

MA:

(Chuckles.) Oh, you ain't a mite gladder 'n' I am, Willy! No, indeedy! Land o' Goshen, th' hull lumberyard mighta blown up. Er a fire mighta started.

WILLY:

Yeah, I--I know! (Worried.) Was Chief Tookey around to--to investigate, Maw?

MA:

(Uncertain.) Well, yes--he was here at th' hospital yestidday!

WILLY:

(Sharply.) He--he was? (Ma affirms.) Wh-what did you tell him?

MA:

(Reassuring.) Well, now they's nuthin' to worry 'bout! I jest shooed Jim Tookey on his way 'n' told him if there was eny investigatin' to do he knew we'd do it ourselves!

WILLY:

Did he go, Maw? Is he going to look--

MA:

(Interposing.) Oh, no--he won't come snoopin' 'round Willy. They wasn't enythin' damaged outside of the lumberyard.

WILLY:

(Relieved.) Whew! I--I'm glad of that all right!

MA:

(Gently serious.) But, Willy (he's attentive.)--what on earth was you foolin' 'round with back in that shack ya put up near th' railroad sidin'?

WILLY:

(Evasive.) O-hh! Nothin' at all, Maw!

MA:

(Kindly.) Now, land o' Goshen, Willy! I bin mighty patient 'bout this hull business! 'N' I wouldn't go askin' ya 'bout it now if ya wasn't feelin' so much better! But I think ya do owe me some kinda explanation.

WILLY:

(Covering.) Well, Maw--it--it was nothing! Honest! And--and--it won't happen again!

MA:

(Gently.) Well, Willy--I--I know ya mean all right. My lands, I ain't questioning that a-tall! But--

WILLY:

(Sharply.) Oh, I know what you're thinking, Maw! The whole lumberyard might have burned up if a fire had started from that explosion!

MA:

(Soberly.) 'Course! 'N' land o' livin', Willy--ya know what that woulda meant in a lumberyard!

WILLY:

(Reluctant.) Yeah. Guess the--the whole place might've gone up like straw.

MA:

(A bit firm.) I should think it might have. 'N' we can't afford to go havin' that happen!

WILLY:

(Groans.) Aw, I know! I was probably a fool for monkeying around with--(Catches himself.) But, anyways, Maw,--

MA:

(Sharply.) What was that ya was gonna say 'bout what ya was foolin' with, Willy?

WILLY:

(Covers, lightly.) Aw, nothing, Maw! I--I just started to think about what might have happened if a--a fire had started.

MA:

(Gently coaxing.) Now, Willy--what on earth was ya foolin' 'round with back there? You kin tell me.

WILLY:

(Lightly.) Honest, Maw--nothing much at all.

MA:

(Gently.) But--Willy--land o' Goshen, enybody who's got a grain o' common sense in 'em knows whatever 'twas musta bin mighty powerful! Er it couldn't ever a-blown things up th' way it did!

WILLY:

Yeah--that's--that's probably true! (Appeals.) Bult--let's forget it, huh, Maw?

MA:

(Soberly.) Well, Willy--I can't fergit it! Sumthin' awful mighta happened.

WILLY:

(Stoutly.) But, I promise you, Maw! I--I won't fool around with it any more.

MA:

(Serious.) Now, Willy--I want ya to listen to me! (He's attentive.) You never asked me if ya could put that shack up at th' far end of th' lumberyard.

WILLY:

(Soberly.) Oh, I didn't think you'd mind so much, Maw!

MA:

Well, mebbe that part's all right! But when ya put that shack up, accordin' to Shuffle 'n' Rufus--ya did it durin' workin' hours!

WILLY:

(Argues.) But I was still takin' care of my work, Maw! Gosh--

MA:

(Gently.) No--I ain't so sure 'bout that! Shuffle 'n' Rufus didn't wanta tell on ya, but--I know ya was spendin' a lotta time foolin' 'round back in that shack!

WILLY:

(Easily.) But, gee, Maw--honest! I--I was only working back there when--when I didn't have anything too important to do!

MA:

(Gently firm.) That ain't got a blessed thing to do with it, Willy! Shuffle 'n' Rufus can't run th' lumberyard alone when we're busy. 'N' ya know we have bin right busy, what with spring orders comin' in purty heavy!

WILLY:

(Grumbles.) Well, anyhow! Can't we just forget it all, Maw? Please--

MA:

(A bit firm.) No, Willy! I got a right to know what ya was monkeyin' with back there! 'N' I wanta know. 'Cause it musta bin sumthin' purty dangerous to blow up like it did!

WILLY:

(Wearily.) Well,--all right! Gosh, if you have to know--

MA:

(Gently.) Now, jest tell me 'n' everythin' 'll be all right!

WILLY:

(Sighs.) O.K.! Well, I--I got an idea about--well, about making some new kind of cleaning fluid, Maw.

MA:

(Sharply.) Makin' a cleanin' fluid?

WILLY:

Yeah! Stuff to clean clothes and things with. You know--

MA:

Uh-huh! I know what ya mean! But--go on, now!

WILLY:

Anyhow, I--I got all steamed up over this thing! (She's attentive.) And I--I started to--to study up on certain kinds of chemicals to--to try and work out this new cleanin' fluid!

MA:

(Soberly.) 'N' so ya was foolin' round with chemicals back in that shack?

WILLY:

Yeah. I--I didn't think it would be dangerous!

MA:

(Serious.) Well, ya kin see how dangerous 'tis now, Willy!

WILLY:

Sure--but I just didn't think they would be at the time! But, anyhow, I was mixing these chemicals together--and trying different combinations of them--

MA:

(Interposes.) When they exploded all of a sudden, huh?

WILLY:

That's right! They just exploded!

MA:

(Kindly.) But, for mercy sakes, Willy! Chemicals er enythin' else don't go explodin' fer no reason! Leastways not generally unless ya git heat near "em!

WILLY:

(Uneasily.) Well, I--er--I was mixing some of them in a test tube!

MA:

A test tube?

WILLY:

Yeah--a regular test tube! a long glass vial! And I just happened to drop the mixture I was fooling with and--wham! The whole place seemed to blow up!

MA:

(Evenly.) That's all that happened, huh?

WILLY:

(Lightly.) That's all, Maw! That stuff hit the floor and blooey! I didn't know what hit me!

MA:

(Sighs.) No, I expect ya didn't, Willy! But lookit-- (He's attentive.) Yer sure that's all that happened?

WILLY:

(Too stoutly.) Yeah. Honest, Maw! I dropped the test tube and blooey!

MA:

(Gently.) Well, now Willy! It jest don't kinda seem reasonable that enythin' like a little bit o' cleanin' fluid could a-blowed up a hull shack! Er a big section o' fence like it did!

WILLY:

Why not, Maw?

MA:

(Pointedly.) Fer th' plain, simple reason that it'd seem to me like it'd take dynamite er sumthin' to cause sech a big explosion, Willy!

WILLY:

(Uneasy.) Maybe I had dynamite mixed in there for all I know, Maw! I--I was just experimenting!

MA:

(Sighs heavily.) Well, Willy! I ain't gonna argue 'bout it! 'Cause yer still a long way from bein' well! But--I dunno! They's a hull lot to be explained yet, er I'm missin' my guess! I kin tell ya that right here 'n' now!

MUSIC:

THEME.

ANNOUNCER:

Closing announcement.