Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Royal Gelatin Hour
Show: Christmas Morning
Date: Dec 17 1936

CAST:
HOST, Rudy Vallee

MOTHER, an upper middle class housewife who is heard in a rapid, rambling conversation with unheard characters which include her immediate family members (husband FRANK; daughter BETSY; son SONNY), the housekeeper (DORA), and relatives phoning from New Jersey (SUE and LLOYD).

ANNOUNCER, of Royal Gelatin commercial

HOST:

... The recognized success of Miss Cornelia Otis Skinner on the air in her own program was a tribute to the good taste and discernment of our listening audience. As program builders who strive to bring you the best, it is heartening to know that the best is recognized and rewarded as such. With six -- I think it's six -- shopping days before Christmas, Miss Skinner gives us an impression of Christmas morning in an American household. Our best holiday wishes reach you with Miss Cornelia Otis Skinner.

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

"JINGLE BELLS" ... FOR AN INTRODUCTION ... THEN OUT

MOTHER:

No, Betsy dear, it's Sonny's turn.

Daddy, will you give Sonny his next present?

I wonder what it can be!

(LAUGHS) Help him, Frank; he's getting all caught up in the strings.

(TO SONNY) You want daddy to help you, dear?

Well, maybe you'd better not, Frank.

(TO SONNY) Who's it from, darling?

Uncle Albert? Well, now what do you suppose Uncle Albert sent you? Let's all guess!

(ENTHUSIASTIC) Oh, Sonny! How perfectly lovely! (FLAT) Just what is it?

It's something mechanical? A steam engine! Isn't it lovely?

Well, it has to be put together.

Well, daddy'll put it together for you; won't you, Frank?

Why, yes; why not now?

(CHUCKLES) No, darling. But it's Christmas; the child wants it-- Oh, here, Frank, here's something for you from Clara.

No, darling, not now. After you've fixed Sonny's steam engine.

Now then, Betsy, here's the next present for you.

(ENTHUSIASTIC) Oh, Betsy! How perfectly lovely! Another box of paints! I don't believe any little girl ever got so many boxes of paints!

From Aunt Lou! Wasn't that lovely of Aunt Lou?

What, Sonny?

Daddy's putting up your steam engine.

Yes, after he puts it up, you can play with it. Here, you come get this present for you from Aunt Lou.

(DOUR ASIDE) Frank, I think that was a little savvy of Lou. She might have sent more of a present.

(ENTHUSIASTIC) And what's Sonny got?!

Another box of paints!

No, Betsy, don't grab Sonny's paints.

Darling, they're just exactly like yours. Betsy, let go, dear! Sonny, if you kick her off-- Thank you. Now, children, stop it!

(LOW) Is that any way to behave on Christmas?

(STERN) Betsy, before you get one other present, you'll pick up every single one of those paints.

Don't put them near your mouth!

Mother uses lipstick; that's very different.

Oh, now, children, do you see what happens when you fight that way? You've pulled the plug and all the lights are out on the tree.

Uh, will you fix them, Frank?

No, dear, not right away; after you've done that.

(CHUCKLES) I know, Frank, but -- it's Christmas; they're excited.

Oh, Frank, don't be so stuffy; I'll put it back in.

Which is it, Frank? No, never mind; I've got it.

No, Sonny, please get out from under the tree. No, you can't help me at all. Get-- Oh, Sonny!

Now, do you see what you've done? My dress is caught on the tree.

Betsy, unfasten me, will you?

I'm caught.

I don't know, but I'm caught.

(TO ALL) Will someone help me or are you going to leave me here all morning?

Frank, the back of my dress is caught on one of the trimmings.

If I stand up, I'll pull the whole tree over!

Oh, Frank, you don't have to put on your glasses! Simply unfasten whatever it is.

There. Now, you see? That was simple enough.

Oh, hello, Dora. The mail? Well, last night's Christmas cards!

Sonny, what on earth are you doing in the fireplace?

(BEAT) He's not up there.

He went back to Alaska or Greenland or wherever-- Sonny! Please come out; you're getting all covered with soot.

Oh, Frank, here's a card from the Nolans. Nice picture of their horses.

(READS) "Yuletide Greetings from the Nolans."

(SURPRISED) Ohhhh, here's a card from Lib and Harry; what do you know about that? "Noel, noel," it says.

Look, it's their new house in Kansas City!

No, darling, I'm not telling you to get up; I'm just showing you the card from Lib and Harry.

Oh, here's one from Mrs. Jackson.

Not very original. Just three wise men and a star.

(PLEASED) Oh! "Peace on earth; good will to men" from the Home Laundry.

Sonny, darling, keep out of daddy's way while he's putting your toy together.

Of course he'll let you play with it. That's what he's putting it together for.

Oh, Betsy! What a perfectly charming doll! Who's it from?

Well, didn't it have a card with it?

Oh, Betsy, it must have-- Frank, have you seen a card anywhere?

Frank, what is the matter with you? I merely asked you if you'd seen a card.

Please, dear, that toy of Sonny's can wait one minute. Betsy's got a very fine doll and she's lost--

Well, there always is a card, Betsy.

Well, Santa Claus didn't send it to you.

Because I know! It's too expensive.

Oh, Sonny, didn't you hear your daddy saying not to bother him while he's fixing your toy?

No, he's not.

He's says you're playing with his steam engine, Frank.

(ASIDE, TO SONNY) He's just seeing if it works, that's all.

No, Betsy! That's not for you! Don't open it. It's for your daddy.

Because I can tell from the shape; it's a bottle. Let it alone--

SOUND:

PHONE RINGS

MOTHER:

Oh, that's going to be some of the family. (CALLS) I'll go, Dora! (ASIDE) Now, children, don't touch anything while mother's talking on the--

SOUND:

RECEIVER UP

MOTHER:

(INTO PHONE) Hello? Hello? Oh, hello, Sue; is that you?! (GAILY) Oh, merry Christmas, Sue! (ASIDE) It's Sue, Frank.

(INTO PHONE) How are you all?

Oh, having a lovely one. Are you having yours?

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Um, we haven't opened all our presents yet! (ASIDE) Frank, it's Sue; what did she send us? (BEAT) Well, think, can't you?

(INTO PHONE, NERVOUS CHUCKLE) I said we haven't opened all our presents yet, so--!

Oh, I'm so glad. You want to speak to Frank? (ASIDE) Frank, Sue wants to say "Merry Christmas" to you.

Oh, come on, Frank.

(INTO PHONE, NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Sue? Frank's fixing a mechanical toy of Sonny's. He's working over it as if he were Edison.

Oh wait, here's Sonny; he wants to speak to you. (ASIDE) Sonny, come along now; speak to your Aunt Sue.

What? Just say "Merry Christmas" and thank her for the lovely present she sent you.

I don't remember, but she must have sent you something so be sure and thank her.

(QUIETLY) Frank, I think you might have spoken to Sue. She's calling from all the way out in Jersey.

I know, but I think it's--

All right, Sonny, I'll speak to her. (INTO PHONE) Hello, Sue; it's me again! (SURPRISED) Oh, Lloyd! Is this you, Lloyd? Merry Christmas, Lloyd! (ASIDE) It's Lloyd, Frank.

(INTO PHONE) Frank, says "Merry Christmas," Lloyd!

(ASIDE, TO FRANK) Yes, you do, too!

(INTO PHONE) How are you all?

Oh, having a lovely one. (CHUCKLES) Are you--? Wait, you want to speak to Betsy? (ASIDE) Here, Betsy, come speak to your Uncle Lloyd.

Yes, Betsy, I want you to.

He sent you that toy grocery store.

He didn't know that you had one already.

Betsy, if you don't wish your Uncle Lloyd a merry Christmas, I'll spank you. (INTO PHONE) Just a minute, Lloyd! She's coming-- (ASIDE) Now, come on, Betsy. Sh! Betsy, don't scream like that. He'll hear-- Oh, Betsy!

(INTO PHONE, AWKWARD) I'm so sorry, Lloyd. She's just bumped her head.

Yes, that's she you hear, but I know she thanks you all the same. (CHUCKLES)

Well, merry Christmas. Tell the children, "Merry--" Don't eat too much plum pudding. (CHUCKLES) Goodbye!

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

MOTHER:

Now, Betsy, I'm really terribly cross with you.

Frank, I must say, I don't think you set her a very good example.

Busy?! On that toy -- but you've got it working, haven't you? What's more, Sonny wants to play with it.

Well, it's his toy, Frank; I think the child has a right to play with his own toy.

Oh, it does work right. You know yourself it works perfectly. You're just so childish you want to play with it yourself.

Frank, how can you talk to me like that in front of the children?!

Now, listen, Betsy, you keep away-- Don't push her, Sonny. Children, stop fighting. Don't hit-- Children, stop it, stop it, stop it!

Now, is that any way to behave on Christmas?

Frank, won't you say something to them?

Oh, Frank, "Merry Christmas"? What a thing to say.

Well, I can't stand this any longer. I'm going up to get ready for church. Here, I'll turn on the radio. It may help drown out the noise.

MUSIC:

SOOTHING VERSION OF "HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING"

MOTHER:

Hm! Listen to that.

"Peace on earth and mercy mild."

I'd just like to know where!

MUSIC:

CHANGES TO "JINGLE BELLS" ... FOR A FINISH

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

Suppose you were planning to make a delicious cherry pie at home. You wouldn't reach into the pantry for a bottle of cherry extract, would you? You'd go to the store and buy real cherries -- because you know that you couldn't make good cherry pie without real cherries.

Well, that's a point worth remembering when you buy gelatin. Royal Cherry Gelatin is made with the flavor of real cherries. Every single package contains the flavor of from thirty-five to fifty fine, juicy Dalmatian or Morello cherries. These particular varieties are used because they give the best cherry flavor.

And the other Royal Gelatins, too, are all made with the flavor of real fruit -- and plenty of it! No synthetic fruit flavors are ever used in Royal Gelatin. And we're just as careful about the gelatin itself. Never are any low-grade gelatins used. Royal pays nearly double to get the Grade-A kind -- because we know that, in the long run, it pays to give you the finest quality.

Royal Gelatin comes in seven delicious flavors, all of them made with the flavor of real fruit! Lemon, orange, lime, strawberry, raspberry, cherry and pineapple! All are now selling at an unusually attractive price.

And here's a holiday suggestion. This year, give baskets of groceries for Christmas and include several packages of Royal Gelatin! It's an ideal dessert for the holidays -- colorful and sparkling! And to include Christmas reds and greens, be sure to get strawberry, raspberry or cherry and lime.

Remember the name -- Royal! R-O-Y-A-L, Royal. ...