Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Burns & Allen
Show: George is jealous of Gracie's old boyfriend
Date: Oct 03 1944

Sponsor: Swan Soap

GRACE:

George, how many lumps do you want in your coffee?

GEORGE:

Two -- Thanks.

GRACIE:

Is there anything interesting in the paper today, or is it just news?

GEORGE:

Just news.

GRACIE:

How many lumps do you want in your coffee?

GEORGE:

Two.

SFX:

TWO LUMPS OF SUGAR

GEORGE:

Thanks.

GRACIE:

George, did you take the little duck for a walk this morning?

GEORGE:

Gracie, last week that duck hunting trip cost me plenty. And I'd just as soon not have that web-footed headache around here.

GRACIE:

Aw, he's so cute! He even comes when I call him -- Here duckie, duckie, duckie!

DUCK:

Quack, quack, quack!

GEORGE:

Oh, get out of here! Get out of here!

DUCK:

Quack!

GRACIE:

Oh, you frightened him!

GEORGE:

Frightened him? I'd like to fricassee him!

GRACIE:

Oh, now, now! Come here, little ducky!

DUCK:

Aww--.

GRACIE:

Oh, don't listen to that mean old daddy duck!

DUCK:

QUACKS FURIOUSLY

GRACIE:

Oh, don't worry, little duckie. He's not really your daddy.

DUCK:

(RELIEVED) Awww--

GEORGE:

Well, that's a break for me, too!

GRACIE:

George, how many lumps?

GEORGE:

Two.

SFX:

TWO LUMPS OF SUGAR

GEORGE:

Thanks.

GRACIE:

You know, little Henrietta understands every word we say.

GEORGE:

Now the duck's name is Henrietta?

GRACIE:

Yes.

GEORGE:

Yesterday his name was Herman.

GRACIE:

I didn't buy those eggs you had for breakfast!

GEORGE:

Thanks, Henrietta.

DUCK:

QUACKS "YOU'RE WELCOME"

GEORGE:

Okay, okay, I'll take that silly duck out for a walk again.

GRACIE:

But you haven't had your coffee yet, George. How many lumps?

GEORGE:

(SIGHS) Two.

SFX:

TWO LUMPS OF SUGAR. SPOON STIRS COFFEE

GEORGE:

Thanks.

SFX:

TAKES A SIP AND PLACES CUP ON SAUCER.

GEORGE:

Whoo! Boy, this coffee is awful.

GRACIE:

Why, what's the trouble?

GEORGE:

Too cold. Come on Henrietta, let's go!

DUCK:

QUACKS SEVERAL TIMES AS SHE FOLLOWS GEORGE OUT THE DOOR. DOOR OPENS.

GEORGE:

Hello Bill.

BILL:

Hello, George.

GEORGE:

Gracie is inside, I'll be right back.

DUCK:

QUACKS IMPATIENTLY.

BILL:

Oh, a duck with a harness on! Are you kidding?

GEORGE:

Come on, Henrietta, come ON!

DUCK:

QUACKS INDIGNANTLY

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

BILL:

Well, I still can't believe it. Grace, look at him though the window. Doesn't he walk with the cutest waddle?

GRACIE:

Well sure! That's why I married him!

BILL:

You know, that's the most ridiculous sight I've ever seen! A grown man walking down the street with a duck on a leash! People must think he's crazy! He should get a swan!

GRACIE:

Why a swan?

BILL:

(TO AUDIENCE) Shall I tell her?

GRACIE:

Oh, Bill! I'm certainly glad you got here. I'm in a terrible mess and I need help.

BILL:

Well Gracie, what is it?

GRACIE:

I got a letter from a boy who used to be me sweetheart when I went to school, and I'm afraid to tell George. You know how jealous he is.

BILL:

Well, that's nothing. I'll fix it.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS.

BILL:

Uh, hey George!

GEORGE:

(OFF) Yeah, Bill?

BILL:

Come in here, will ya?

GEORGE:

(OFF) Wait while I tie the duck to the string.

DUCK:

(OFF) QUACKS AWAY

BILL:

Now don't worry, Gracie. Leave everything to me.

GRACIE:

All right.

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES UNDER NEXT LINE

GEORGE:

(WALKS TO MIKE AS HE SPEAKS) What is it, Bill?

BILL:

Say, George. You're a smart fella. Now if Paul Whiteman's wife, say, got a letter from a boy who used to be her sweetheart when she went to school, what do you think he ought to do about it?

GEORGE:

Why, nothing. That's kid stuff.

BILL:

Okay Gracie! Read the letter.

GEORGE:

What?

GRACIE:

(CLEARS THROAT DAINTILY)

GEORGE:

A letter?

GRACIE:

(READS) Dear Gracie: I'll be in town today and will phone you before I drop in and see you. We haven't seen each other since our school days and it might be run. Signed, Keith Fowler. PS -- Remember that rainy afternoon? It -- Oh, ho! Ho! (LAUGHS)

GEORGE:

Gracie? What happened that rainy afternoon?

GRACIE:

(STILL LAUGHING) It rained.

GEORGE:

What happened after that?

GRACIE:

It cleared up!

GEORGE:

Who is this fellow?

GRACIE:

Keith Folwer?

GEORGE:

Yeah, Keith Fowler!

GRACIE:

Oh, uh, my girlhood sweetheart. Oh, George! He was wonderful! I'll never forget the day I met him -- such old world charm! So devil-may-care, so smooth, handsome -- yet intensely masculine.

GEORGE:

How old was he?

GRACIE:

Six and a half.

GEORGE:

Six and a half?

GRACIE:

Yes, but he had the mind of a boy of seven!

GEORGE:

Well what am I getting excited about?

BILL:

George, you were worried about that rainy afternoon.

GRACIE:

When Keith was nineteen.

GEORGE:

Nineteen?

GRACIE:

Yes, and boy oh, boy, oh boy! Was he an athlete!

GEORGE:

Oh, he was an athlete?

GRACIE:

Well, you know where you have that vaccination mark on your arm?

GEORGE:

Yeah?

GRACIE:

That's where he has muscles.

GEORGE:

Oh yeah? Well what's wrong with my arm? Look at it!

GRACIE:

Oh, that reminds me: I'd better tell Hilda to make some spaghetti for dinner.

GEORGE:

Spaghetti, oh fine!

GRACIE:

(CALLS OFF) Hilda!

GEORGE:

Say, Bill--

BILL:

Yes, George?

GEORGE Now that Gracie is gone, you can do me a favor.

BILL:

Yeah?

GEORGE:

When this Fowler guy gets here, when he starts talking about athletics, I know nothing about it. So will ya please change the subject?

BILL:

Well George, that would be very rude!

GEORGE:

You can do it subtly. For instance, I'll show you. Go ahead -- start talking about athletics.

BILL:

Well, okay. Well now, take Greg Rice of Notre Dame. There's an athlete. There's a (fella--)

GEORGE:

Say, Bill? Where'd you get that suit?

BILL:

Oh you like it, huh?

GEORGE:

Well, I don't like it, but I changed the subject, didn't I?

BILL:

Well gee, George, you did at that! Now, go ahead: Do it again, and this time I'll try to stick to the subject.

GEORGE:

Go ahead, go on!

BILL:

Right now Greg Rice holds the indoor record for two miles.

GEORGE:

Oh, that Swan Soap!

BILL:

For three thousand meters.

GEORGE:

It's the white floating soap!

BILL:

For three miles.

GEORGE:

It's a good soap!

BILL:

And no other -- good! Is that all you can say for Swan?

GEORGE:

Say Bill, I did it again!

BILL:

Why, Swan is the first really new white floating soap since the gay nineties!

GEORGE:

See how easy it is to change the subject?

BILL:

Why, Swan is eight ways better than old-style floating soaps.

GEORGE:

I guess it's not so easy--

BILL:

Good, he says! Why, Swan lathers twice as fast -- even in the hardest water. Swan gives you loads of thick, creamy suds!

GEORGE:

Now it's practically impossible.

BILL:

Swan costs no more than old-fashioned floating soaps, yet Swan gives you more soap for your money.

GEORGE:

That's a nice suit you've got on, Bill.

BILL:

Your whole family will like Swan for washing the dishes. And Swan is great for silk stockings and underthings. It's so gentle and sudsy, and it holds the record for two miles!

GEORGE:

For two miles?

BILL:

How do you like that? I switched myself off the subject!

GEORGE:

Well I can't understand that.

GRACIE:

(WALKS TO MIKE AS SHE TALKS) Hey, George, did anyone drop in for instance, say, Keith Fowler?

GEORGE:

Gracie, don't mention that man's name.

GRACIE:

George, don't get upset. Keith is just a boy I went to school and high school with. I did have a crush on him, but so many things started to happen that I lost track of him.

GEORGE:

Well, what kind of things?

GRACIE:

Oh, just awful, terrible things! My father went bankrupt, we lost our home and we had to move to another city, then we were dispossessed --

GEORGE:

Just one calamity after another.

GRACIE:

Yeah, then I married you --

GEORGE:

Well, I've heard enough. I'm going up to my room!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

GRACIE:

(CALLS) George! George! Will you please come down? Oh, it's really silly locking himself up in his room, all on account of Keith Folwer.

BILL:

Hey Gracie, what really happened during that rainy afternoon?

GRACIE:

Well ... I'll tell you Bill, if you promise not to tell George.

BILL:

I promise.

GRACIE:

Well, what happened was --

SFX:

DOOR OPENS. FOOTSTEPS WALK DOWN STAIRS

GRACIE:

Oh, here comes George. I'll tell you later.

SFX:

GEORGE WHISTLES A TUNE OFF-MIKE

FOOTSTEPS UNDER WHISTLE.

CONTINUES UNDER NEXT LINE

GRACIE:

I wouldn't upset him for the world, so don't even mention Keith.

BILL:

All right.

SFX:

WHISTLES AND STEPS END

GRACIE:

That's a pretty tune you're whistling, Keith.

GEORGE:

(ANGRY) Keith?

GRACE:

I mean --

GEORGE:

Now look here, Gracie. If you think for one moment that I give a wrap about that silly love affair you had in school, you're crazy.

SFX:

CLOSES WINDOW

GRACIE:

You're getting excited for no reason at all. This is something you've built up in your own head and there's really nothing in it.

GEORGE:

Sure, I'm wrong. I'm always wrong.

GRACIE:

Let me get you some coffee, George.

SFX:

TELEPHONE RINGS

GEORGE:

Everybody is right except me.

SFX:

PHONE OFF HOOK.

GRACIE:

Hello? What? Oh sure, I'll be glad to. Good bye.

SFX:

PHONE ON HOOK. WINDOW OPENS.

GEORGE:

Who was that? Why'd you open the window?

GRACIE:

Mr. Lascover said he couldn't hear the fight.

BILL:

(WHIPSERS) George! George, come here!

GEORGE:

What is it, Bill?

BILL:

(WHISPERS) Now listen don't get upset. Keith Fowler mentioned that he's gonna phone before he gets here.

GEORGE:

(LOW) Yeah?

BILL:

(WHISPERS) Well, as soon as the phone rings, I'll answer it and get rid of him!

GEORGE:

(LOW) Oh, well, thanks Bill, that'll be great.

BILL:

(WHISPERS) Okay.

GEORGE:

(NORMAL) Gracie, forget the whole thing. I'm not mad anymore. It's all over.

GRACIE:

I knew I'd see it my way.

SFX:

PHONE RINGS, OFF

GEORGE:

Bill, Bill! Pick up the phone!

BILL:

Gracie, I'll get the phone.

GRACIE:

All right.

SFX:

PHONE OFF HOOK

BILL:

Hello? What? Who? Oh, sure. We're expecting you. Come right over!

SFX:

PHONE ON HOOK

GEORGE:

Why, you double-crossing--

BILL:

It's Jimmy Cash!

GEORGE:

Oh!

GRACIE:

So George, you're not mad at me anymore!

GEORGE:

Aw, I wasn't mad. I was only kidding. I can hardly wait to meet Keith. Isn't that right, Bill?

BILL:

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Yeah, he'll get a big kick out of George.

GEORGE:

He certainly will!

GRACIE:

I'll bet you'll like Keith -- he was not only the best athlete in school, he also had a beautiful singing voice. Every day when he walked me home from school he'd sing "Yippie Ki Yay" to me. I lived three and a half choruses from school.

GEORGE:

Three and a half choruses, huh?

GRACIE:

Well, it was really a little further. He used to hold the last note.

GEORGE:

"Yippie Ki Yay." That's my favorite song, too.

GRACIE:

Aw, George, you're really not angry about what happened that rainy afternoon?

GEORGE:

Nah. It was probably nothing.

GRACIE:

Of course, it was nothing.

GEORGE:

Sure. (BEAT) Gracie, it really makes no difference if you feel like telling me or not -- but what really happened that rainy afternoon?

GRACIE:

Well, I promised Keith not to tell.

GEORGE:

But Gracie, I'm your husband

GRACIE:

It's not fair to break a promise. George, you wouldn't like it if you were my sweetheart!

GEORGE:

IF I were your sweetheart? Gracie, don't ever speak to me again.

GRACIE:

Say George, would you like some sugar for your coffee?

GEORGE:

Bill, tell her I don't want any.

BILL:

Gracie, George said to tell you he doesn't want any.

GRACIE:

Well, tell him he's not gonna get any.

BILL:

George, Gracie said to tell you you're not gonna get any.

GEORGE:

Well tell her thanks.

BILL:

Gracie, George said to tell you thanks.

GRACIE:

Oh, tell him welcome.

BILL:

George, Gracie said to tell you welcome.

GEORGE:

Hmm. Here comes Whiteman up the front steps.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS. DUCK QUACKS IN ANGER

PAUL:

Hey, hey, watch it!

GEORGE:

What's the matter, Paul?

PAUL:

That duck out there just bit me on the ankle.

BILL:

Now don't be silly. A duck has no teeth.

PAUL:

Well, I don't want to be gummed to death for no duck.

GEORGE:

Hello, Paul.

GRACIE:

Say Bill, would you tell George to tell Mr. Whiteman not to say such mean things about poor little Henrietta?

BILL:

Sure. George, Gracie said to tell (ya..)

GEORGE:

I heard her, Bill. And tell Mrs. Burns that she can tell Mr. Whiteman herself.

BILL:

Okay. Gracie, George said to tell ya--

GRACIE:

Yeah, I know Bill. And Bill, tell Mr. Burns to ask Mr. Whiteman to sit down.

BILL:

George, (Gracie says--)

GEORGE:

Never mind, Bill, never mind. If Mr. Whiteman wants to sit down, he's smart enough to figure it out for himself.

PAUL:

Say, what's going on? Are you kids playing a message from Reuters?

GEORGE:

Well, we are acting like a bunch of kids. Bill, tell Gracie I'd like to kiss and make up.

PAUL:

Hey, wait a minute. I want to get in this game, too. Bill, would you tell it to me and I could tell it to Gracie?

GEORGE:

Aw, shut up.

BILL:

Oh, let him play, George!

GEORGE:

Oh..

BILL:

Paul, George told me to tell you to tell Gracie that he'd like to kiss and make up.

PAUL:

Gracie, George told Bill to tell me to tell you that he'd like to kiss and make up.

GRACIE:

Would you mind repeating that question?

GEORGE:

You heard him! You heard him! I told Bill to tell Paul to tell you that I would like to kiss and make up!

GRACIE:

All right. Then you kiss Paul, and Paul, you kiss and Bill -- you can kiss me!

GEORGE:

Gracie, don't ever speak to me again!

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS RUN UP STAIRS; DOOR OPENS

GRACIE:

George, what did I do now?

BILL:

Say, here comes Jimmy Cash up the walk.

SFX:

FRONT DOOR OPENS, DUCK QUACKS, FRONT DOOR CLOSES.

JIMMY:

Geez!

GRACIE:

Hello, Jimmy!

JIMMY:

Ouch, that duck must be a watch duck.

PAUL:

You too, huh?

GRACIE:

Wait a minute: I know what we'll do! Let's have Jimmy sing a song, and that will soothe George's nerves.

BILL:

You know that's a great idea, Gracie? (CALLS) George? Oh George! Come on down. Jimmy Cash is here! He's gonna sing a soooong!

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS UNDER AS GEORGE WALKS TO MIC

GEORGE:

(WALKS TO MIC) Well, maybe I was acting like a kid.

MUSIC:

A FEW NOTES ON THE PIANO

GEORGE:

What are you gonna sing?

JIMMY:

. Yippie Ki Yay,

GEORGE:

Yippie Ki Yay!

GEORGE:

(WALKS TO MIC) Now look here, Jimmy Nash. If you think that's a smart thing to do--

JIMMY:

Good bye!

SFX:

DOOR OPENS, DUCK QUACKS, DOOR CLOSES

GEORGE:

It's a good thing he's gone. Where's Gracie?

BILL:

Well, she went to her room.

GEORGE:

See, I brought this whole thing on myself. She's probably up there crying her eyes out. Somebody outta punch me in the nose -- Wait a minute, fellas! It's only an expression! Gee, I didn't mean to hurt Gracie's feelings.

SFX:

PHONE RINGS IN BG

GEORGE:

Say Bill, that's probably that guy.

BILL:

Well, leave him to me.

GEORGE:

Just brush him off

SFX:

PHONE OFF HOOK.

BILL:

Hello? (WHISPERS) You're right, George. It's the rainy afternoon.

GEORGE:

Well, brush him off.

BILL:

(WHISPERS) Okay, don't worry. (NORMAL) Yes? No, they're not home.

GEORGE:

(LOW) Atta boy, Bill.

BILL:

Well, how I know when they're coming back? Maybe never!

GEORGE:

(A LITTLE LOUDER) Atta boy, Bill!

BILL:

No, I'm not her ugly husband!

GEORGE:

Hang up on him, Bill. Hang up.

BILL:

I tell ya I'm not. I'm Bill Goodwin!

GEORGE:

Just hang up on him, Bill!

BILL:

Oh, (FLATTERED) Oh, well, you recognize my voice. Ah--well, thanks. Sure. Oh, honest. It's really is eight ways better than old-style floating soap! Yeah? Sure is. Swan is the first really new white floating soap since the gay nineties. Swan -- S-W-A-N -- Swan.

GEORGE:

Bill, the brush. Give him the brush!

BILL:

Quiet, George, I can't hear him!

GEORGE:

Give him the brush!

BILL:

Quiet!-- What? Oh, Swan comes in that cool looking green wrapper with the white swan on the front. I tell you what. Look old man, if you're not doing anything right now, come on over and I'll tell you more about it. Yeah. So long, pal!

SFX:

CLICK AS PHONE HANGS UP

GEORGE:

Didn't I tell you I didn't want that fellow in the house? All I'll be listening to now is quarterbacks and fullbacks and broad jumping and hurdling--

PAUL:

George, you want to do something that'll take the wind out of that Fowler's sails?

GEORGE:

Yeah.

PAUL:

All you've got to do when he gets here is to tear a telephone book in half.

GEORGE:

Paul, I can't tear a telephone book in half.

PAUL:

How about one from Glendale?

GEORGE:

Oh, stop being funny.

BILL:

George, Paul may have a good idea with that telephone book. You see, get a razor blade and cut all the pages down the center except the cover.

GEORGE:

Yeah! And that Fowler will really think I can tear it in half. Yeah!

PAUL:

Yeah, I'll go get a phone book.

GEORGE:

Good, but don't let him see ya.

PAUL:

When he comes I'll get right behind this curtain.

GEORGE:

Okay. As much as I'll enjoy showing off in front of this guy, I still feel like a heel with Gracie up in her room, broken-hearted, crying her little heart out.

SFX:

DOOR OPEN

GRACIE:

(CHEERFUL) Well how do I look in my new dress?

GEORGE:

What's the idea of getting all dressed up?

GRACIE:

Oh, am I? Oh, I didn't notice it.

GEORGE:

Not much.

GRACIE:

Well, I just happened to put my hand in my closet and this little old thing kinda stuck to my fingers.

GEORGE:

Gracie, what happened on that rainy afternoon?

GRACIE:

Well, I'll tell you what happened on that rainy afternoon if you promise not to ask me what happened on the day it snowed.

GEORGE:

Gee, maybe I'd rather hear what happened on the day it snowed.

GRACIE:

Well, I'll tell you if you don't ask me what happened on the day it rained.

GEORGE:

Oh, all right. What happened on the day it snowed?

GRACIE:

The same thing that happened on the day it rained -- except I had my galoshes on.

GEORGE:

Well, this is great.

BILL:

How's the weather, George?

GEORGE:

Foggy, foggy, foggy, foggy!

BILL:

Say, here comes someone up the walk. Say, brother! What a pair of shoulders!

GEORGE:

Really? Paul, are ya finished cutting the phone book?

PAUL:

(WHISPERS) Not yet, George. I'm only up to the Clancys.

GEORGE:

Oh. Well hurry up.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS, DUCK QUACKS. DOOR CLOSES.

KEITH:

Oh! (BIZ AFTER HE'S JUST NEARLY BEEN MAULED BY THE DUCK)

GRACIE:

Why, Keith Fowler!

KEITH:

Well, well! Gracie Allen! You're a sight for sore eyes!

GRACIE:

Oh, gee, so are you -- after all these years! It's certainly a pleasure to see you. This is Bill Goodwin.

KEITH:

Oh, yeah. We had a word or two on the phone.

BILL:

Yes, we did.

GRACIE:

And that's Mr. Whiteman behind the curtains.

PAUL:

Hello.

KEITH:

Hello.

GRACIE:

And, um, this is my husband, George Burns.

KEITH:

How do you do?

GEORGE:

(TESTY) How do ya do?

KEITH:

By the way, Mr. Burns, what business are you in?

GEORGE:

(BEAT) The radio business.

KEITH:

Well, I'm glad to know that. If any of my friends ever need their radio repaired, I'll certainly recommend you.

GEORGE:

Thanks.

GRACIE:

Well, Keith, you certainly bring back old times. Remember Mrs. Mumball?

KEITH:

Will you ever forget how I used to carry your encyclopedias back and forth to school for you and I'd sing "Yippie Ki Yay" over the top of them?

GRACIE:

Oh, yes! -- Remember Mrs. Mumball?

GEORGE:

Encyclopedias?

GRACIE:

Well, I took my lunch in them. -- Remember Mrs. Mumball?

GEORGE:

You kept your lunch in them?

GRACIE:

Yeah, butter under "B," cheese under "chess," jelly under "J," and pie under "K--" Remember Mrs. Mumball?

GEORGE:

Pie? Pie under "K?"

GRACIE:

I was crazy about custard pie. -- Remember Mrs. Mumball?

GEORGE:

Look, tell her about Mrs. Mumball!

KEITH:

I don't remember. Mrs. Mumball. Who was she?

GRACIE:

Why, Keith! She's the man who owned the corner drugstore's girlfriend!

KEITH:

Oh, sure!

GEORGE:

Oh, fine!

GRACIE:

Keith, I notice you're still wearing all those medals you won.

KEITH:

Well, not all. I've still got a drawer full at home!

GRACIE:

(LAUGHS) Ah.

GEORGE:

Oh, stop being so modest.

KEITH:

Mr. Burns, I don't think you know anything about athletics, but I was really an amazing athlete. In fact, I broke the world record for the hundred yard dash in nine and four-fifths.

GEORGE:

Mmm-hmm. Well, who held the record before that?

KEITH:

I did.

BILL:

Of course, Mr. Fowler, you know that the record now is nine and two-fifths.

KEITH:

Oh, you mean the one I ran in Omaha!

GEORGE:

Well, I don't know much about running -- But would you like to see me tear telephone (book in --)

PAUL:

(WHISPERS) George, George! Not yet! I'm only up to the Smiths.

GEORGE:

Oh. Well I'll do it a little later.

KEITH:

Remember Gracie, when you got that glamour girl complex and you tried to vamp all the boys?

GRACIE:

Oh, yes. And remember the day I came to school with the rose in my teeth?

KEITH:

You looked pretty silly.

GRACIE:

Well, I guess I should have taken the rose off the bush.

KEITH:

Well, it's been a lot of fun seeing you Gracie, but I've really got to run along now--

GEORGE:

Say, Fowler, before you go--would you like to see me tear a telephone book?

PAUL:

(WHISPERS) Not yet, George. I'm still to the Smiths, uh, Smythes, uh, Smooths--

GEORGE:

Well, forget it, Paul.

GRACIE:

Well, goodbye, Keith. And you certainly must come again.

KEITH:

I will!

GEORGE:

Say, Fowler, before you go, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you. Man to man. Uh, what happened on that rainy afternoon?

KEITH:

Gracie, remember that?

GRACIE:

I'll never forget it, Oh, ho, ho! (BOTH LAUGH)

KEITH:

Well, goodbye!

GRACIE:

Good bye!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSE

GRACIE LAUGHS.

GEORGE:

Quiet. Quiet. What happened on that rainy afternoon?

BILL:

Oh, tell him, Gracie. You told me.

GRACIE:

Well, we came to a big puddle of water. Keith took off his shoes, and I carried him across piggy-back!

GEORGE:

So what's so funny about that?

GRACIE:

Well, his toes tickled my ribs!

GEORGE:

Well, I acted like a big dope. And I really owe you an apology.

GRACIE:

Oh, that's all right, Keith, forget it!

GEORGE:

(ENRAGED) Keith! Gracie, never speak to me again!

SFX:

STORMS UPSTAIRS. DOOR CLOSE

GRACIE:

Well, what did I say now? George? George?